Bleach Fan Fiction ❯ 30Kisses ❯ Beginning ( Chapter 8 )
[ T - Teen: Not suitable for readers under 13 ]
Hisana knew she was dying.
Actually she had known she was dying for the past year, six months longer than Rukia and Byakuya. However something inside her told her today was the day, and she could feel her hours trickling into minutes. She reached out to her sister and to her husband, determined to divide her remaining time equally.
Rukia knelt at the foot of the bed, looking directly at her, but out of reach. Byakuya came to her side, grasping one delicate hand in his larger one. When Hisana started coughing, he moved to the side to support her, a steady, warm presence behind her back.
There was so much she wanted to say and such limited time to do so! She had to pick her words carefully, fill them to the brim with everything she felt. Hisana turned to Rukia first. "Imouto-chan, forgive me for abandoning you." Forgive me for abandoning you then and now. Forgive me for not being as strong as you are.
Rukia shook her head. "Oneesama . . . " for a second Hisana feared that she was going to spout some trite line about saving that for later, for after she recovered. Fortunately, she had underestimated her sister. "I don't regret anything that has happened to me."
Hisana wondered if Rukia lied to spare her feelings, but lately she had lost the ability to discern her sister's true thoughts. For all she knew, maybe Rukia was telling the truth. Either way, it was Byakuya who needed her words now. "My lord," she whispered, looking up at him. "I'm sorry I was unable to love you as I should." Sorry for being merely grateful. Sorry for not giving you an heir.
"These years", his voice rumbled through her bones. "Have been like a dream." A good dream, she wanted to ask, but held her tongue. She did not want to know the answer.
Minutes became seconds and she knew there was only one thing left to be said. Yet it was hard, so hard to choose the right words. There were so many things she could say, but she was selfish, so selfish. She had known from the start she wasn't what they deserved. Byakuya needed a wife, someone who both was equal to him and who loved him, not a burden who only stayed because he had rescued her. Rukia should have had a sister who was as strong as she was, who would have taken care of her, not left her for dead in Inuzuri. Yet he was Hisana's husband, she was Hisana's sister and Hisana didn't want to let them go. Least of all to each other.
Oh, she knew. Whispered words from servants that were just a touch too loud to ignore, pitying and contemptuous gazes from shinigami. Sometimes it seemed that everyone but Byakuya and Rukia knew that the Kuchikis would have been better off if Hisana had never existed. Once she was dead it would only be a matter of time.
She knew what the wrong words were. She could say, "I love you." or "I give you my blessing." In so many ways, she could have put up a wall in between them, ensured they would never look at each other that way, would never forget her.
Finally, as the room went dim around her, she decided. "Live," she whispered. For me. was added silently.
She was only glad she wouldn't live to see them kiss.
Actually she had known she was dying for the past year, six months longer than Rukia and Byakuya. However something inside her told her today was the day, and she could feel her hours trickling into minutes. She reached out to her sister and to her husband, determined to divide her remaining time equally.
Rukia knelt at the foot of the bed, looking directly at her, but out of reach. Byakuya came to her side, grasping one delicate hand in his larger one. When Hisana started coughing, he moved to the side to support her, a steady, warm presence behind her back.
There was so much she wanted to say and such limited time to do so! She had to pick her words carefully, fill them to the brim with everything she felt. Hisana turned to Rukia first. "Imouto-chan, forgive me for abandoning you." Forgive me for abandoning you then and now. Forgive me for not being as strong as you are.
Rukia shook her head. "Oneesama . . . " for a second Hisana feared that she was going to spout some trite line about saving that for later, for after she recovered. Fortunately, she had underestimated her sister. "I don't regret anything that has happened to me."
Hisana wondered if Rukia lied to spare her feelings, but lately she had lost the ability to discern her sister's true thoughts. For all she knew, maybe Rukia was telling the truth. Either way, it was Byakuya who needed her words now. "My lord," she whispered, looking up at him. "I'm sorry I was unable to love you as I should." Sorry for being merely grateful. Sorry for not giving you an heir.
"These years", his voice rumbled through her bones. "Have been like a dream." A good dream, she wanted to ask, but held her tongue. She did not want to know the answer.
Minutes became seconds and she knew there was only one thing left to be said. Yet it was hard, so hard to choose the right words. There were so many things she could say, but she was selfish, so selfish. She had known from the start she wasn't what they deserved. Byakuya needed a wife, someone who both was equal to him and who loved him, not a burden who only stayed because he had rescued her. Rukia should have had a sister who was as strong as she was, who would have taken care of her, not left her for dead in Inuzuri. Yet he was Hisana's husband, she was Hisana's sister and Hisana didn't want to let them go. Least of all to each other.
Oh, she knew. Whispered words from servants that were just a touch too loud to ignore, pitying and contemptuous gazes from shinigami. Sometimes it seemed that everyone but Byakuya and Rukia knew that the Kuchikis would have been better off if Hisana had never existed. Once she was dead it would only be a matter of time.
She knew what the wrong words were. She could say, "I love you." or "I give you my blessing." In so many ways, she could have put up a wall in between them, ensured they would never look at each other that way, would never forget her.
Finally, as the room went dim around her, she decided. "Live," she whispered. For me. was added silently.
She was only glad she wouldn't live to see them kiss.