Fan Fiction ❯ A Smile ❯ A Smile ( One-Shot )

A Smile

A smile is usually a sign of laughter,

Of joy and happiness...

You smile in your heaven,

To show your stillness.

But it may not always be like that,

It may mean something more.

Maybe it's not always a good thing,

To smile and laugh.

Out in the world,

This corrupted, dreary place,

That in truth is so dark...

So cold...

So hard...

People think of me as happy,

I laugh,

And I smile.

I talk to every person,

And I seem to be just fine.

But they do not know the real me,

They do not see behind the smiles.

My smiles are rarely happy,

They never reach my eyes.

They are a little too illusive,

A little too strained.

My smile is a mask,

You see,

It helps me hide from thou.

I hide from my family,

They just can't understand.

They do not share my viewpoints,

And they never even attempt.

My brothers never listen,

They think I'm always wrong.

My parents never hear it,

'Cause they regard me to be "blond".

I hide from my friends,

But can I truly call them that?

I never really liked them,

And they never cared.

They always seemed to tease me,

Criticize all I did.

I grew to resent them,

I grew bitter and cold.

But inside I wanted to lie,

And say it was all right.

But most importantly...

I hide from myself.

I do not want to face me,

I want to stay blind.

My true self is revolting,

So much that I want to cry.

But these tears,

Will not escape their prison.

Those stupid crystalline water drops,

Shall stay in their place.

In my eyes,

To myself.

I refuse to cry.

To cry is to show weakness.

And I must be strong,

For I must face the truth.

I cannot hide from it,

I must realize it to be real.

The truth is...

I'm detested.

People only loathe me,

They can't stand who I am.

So who is left to love me?

For myself?

It's pretty funny,

In a gloomy sort of way.

I am dependent on their affection,

On what they always think.

And this imperfection,

Will be my end.

If I am so dependent,

How can I go on?

If all of there thoughts are negative?

Are nothing but insults,

When I need "good for you"s?

My world is a dark ocean,

It's bleak and it's gray.

The air is thick and heavy,

It hurts my gulps of air.

The waves seem to keep rising,

As if they are trying to consume.

But this place is my shelter,

It's not all that bad.

It has its pleasant advantage,

As well as it's bleak.

There are no colors here,

It's all shades of gray.

It's cool and relaxing,

No overwhelming colors,

That may suffocate.

The air is fresh and frosty,

Not hot like a sunny day!

But this world is misleading,

It never really stays.

It is a place in my imagination,

The place I wish stay.

It might be metaphoric,

My ocean that is.

Maybe it…

Represents my longing.

My longing to be loved,

To be understood,

To finally be at peace,

With myself,

And this world.

But I can't say I believe in my ocean,

I can't believe in peace.

It seem too perfect,

Too unearthly to be real.

In truth I am just scared,

Scared to be let down.

I want to laugh at my own stupidity!

To believe in a dream,

How bona fide is that?

I want to laugh and to cry,

To smile and to die!

Do you see it now?

A smile is rarely happy,

For it hides the bitterness inside!

***

Okay, this is OFFICALLY one of my faves of my brainchildren! Anyway, please review and tell me what you think, it's the 8th poem in my "self discovery" series of poems. And feel free to give me any suggestions on how to make this poem better!