Fan Fiction ❯ Around The Animation Horn ❯ It has become too common lately. ( Chapter 2 )

AROUND THE ANIMATION HORN

A/N: The second episode of Around the Animation Horn headlines the 107th Boston Marathon and Scott Peterson's arrest after the bodies of his newborn son and wife Laci Peterson are found dead. The NFL Draft is coming soon and this Knockaround Gang will be here to cover who they think will go where. The NBA and NHL playoffs are kicking it in high gear. We will have in-depth analysis from the panel of experts. All that, and you never know what to expect when we kick it Around the Animation Horn!

Day 2: It has become too common lately. (Recorded April 21, 2003)

(we're on the air)

Artemis Read: These four things I know are true! If the regular season counted, I'd say the Lakers/Spurs matchup would never happen. If the regular season weren't such a blur compared to the title game, Willis McGahee would be picked in the top 5. If all regular assumptions are correct than yes, Scott Peterson was hiding from the law. And if all regular assumptions are correct, this is your emcee Artemis Read welcoming you Around the Animation Horn!

(intro plays)

Voice Over: It's Around the Animation Horn, the show of competitive banter. Please welcome Arthur Read!

Read: Welcome back to the guilty pleasure on a stick! Let's get to introductions with our national panel, and here they are. Our first panelist set the standard for animation on a primetime level. Although criticized for being a near-copy of The Honeymooners, he has developed his own name and identity for multiple generations around the world. He is Fred Flintstone from the town of Bedrock!

Flintstone: They're a page right out of history. (two points)

Read: Two points for style. He understands this game. Our next panelist is a poignant antagonist who claims that his oppressors are despicable. From the Looney Tunes, please welcome Daffy Duck!

(the stage is silent)

Read (confused): Moving right along, this young teen came onto the FOX television spotlight opposite The Simpsons in 1996. Known for his non-conformist ways and off the wall behavior, he has become one of the 50 best of all time as voted by TV Guide. Please welcome straight out of Arlen, Texas, it's Bobby Hill! And finally, this young mamacita came onto the scenes September of 2001 on the Disney Channel as the creation of Bruce W. Smith came to life on the small screen. After a near two-year wait, she finally arrived. So let us all welcome Penny Proud to the show!

Proud: You know, I talked to Kim Possible recently and… (MUTE)

Read: My, my look at the time. We have to blow the customs out of this ride, for real! This is the show that scores the argument and here's how it's done with these joysticks and MUTE buttons.

For the first two rounds, scoring will be based on point of view, style and information.

O.K. answers get one point

Good answers get two points

Great answers get three points

The MUTE button (deduction of five points) is used to penalize and direct traffic during arguments.

We eliminate panelists in the second and fourth rounds so a one on one showdown determines the winner. Let's make it happen!

Voice Over: It's the Opening Remarks!

Read: Prosecutors are preparing a grand jury for the indictment of Scott Peterson. If you will remember back on Christmas Eve of 2002 was when his pregnant wife Laci Peterson went missing from her Modesto, California home. Last week, two bodies (female adult and infant) were found in the Modesto city limits. They were identified as Laci Peterson and her infant son. Here is the question, and this is for Scott Peterson. Why did you do it? Around the horn we go to Daffy Duck.

Daffy: The only two reasons I can think of are that either Scott did not want Laci to keep their unborn child (two points; at 2) or Scott might have wanted to collect insurance money from the twain. (three points; at 5) But my reasoning comes from one common element and that is money.

Flintstone: No, no. Besides the fact that we know he did kill his wife, we don't know anything about their lives together. (two points; at 4) I will suspect that there was some friction between the two for a while. And while Laci thought that bringing a child into the world would bring the two together, it might have been the one thing that tore them at the seams. (two points; at 6)

Proud: You're absolutely right on that statement, Fred.

Read: What makes him so right, Penny? Do you think money might have been an issue in the killing or not?

Proud: I'll go beyond that and say that the new look he's sporting right now came about from rumors surrounding the body of an infant child and a middle-aged woman. (three points; at -2) If that doesn't drive someone morally guilty of murder, I don't know what will.

Hill: All right let me make this perfectly clear…

Proud (interrupting): As if your sexual orientation isn't.

Hill: Shut up! (one point; at 1) What I'm trying to say is that Scott Peterson obviously tried to cover everything up. It had to deal with some kind of family situation, but I know for a fact that the couple obviously loved each other at some point in their marriage (two points; at 3)

Read: How do you know that for a fact, Bobby?

Hill: Why else would they get married? America couldn't do it and I don't think money can do it either. (three points; at 6)

Read: That sounds great, but I want to get back to Penny, who says that Scott is morally guilty. I want to know why you put it in that context?

Proud: Because nobody kills somebody without some reasoning. Unless you meant to get someone else (three points; at 1) you had capricious reasoning to want to shut someone down for good. As far as I'm concerned, Scott Peterson is guilty of two counts of murder in the first degree (two points; at 3) and should be sentenced to…

Proud and Daffy: Death. (two points to Daffy; he's at 7)

Daffy: The thing everyone forgot to mention was that the two bodies found were washed ashore. This means that whatever he planned to do with the cadavers was meant for the long haul. (two points; at 9) And also going back to when Scott was eventually arrested, it turns out that San Diego was the area where the arrest took place. (three points; at 12)

Flintstone: Yes, but you must realize…

Daffy: I smell a… (MUTE; back to 7)

Read: Let Fred finish his statement.

Flintstone: As I was saying, San Diego is the home of Scott Peterson's parents. (three points; at 9) It would only make sense for him to go there, even if it was once in a blue moon and see his folks. It only gets weird when he comes by and can smile with his wife gone. (two points; at 11)

Read: Ahh… I'll give you two points for that.

(horn blares)

Read: Bobby, you have the last word.

Hill: When are people going to learn that unless you are part of the law, you can't escape it? (three points; at 9)

Read: Yeah. The fact that this guy from Modesto, California thinks that he can get away with double murder on the premeditated scale is a horrendous proposition. If he thinks he can get away with such actions, he hasn't met the US justice and defense systems. It's an embarrassment to see this activity from people in your homeland. Next topic! David Stern and the WNBA have reached a five-year agreement that means an increase in salaries, marketing money and enough to satisfy the women into playing the game they love. Here's the question. If labor agreements didn't come to fruition, what would the players do? Around the horn we go to our resident WNBA supporter, Penny Proud.

Proud: Here's the deal. The women had no backup plan for this strike. David Stern could terminate the WNBA at any time (three points; at 6) and walk away with little or no remorse. Stern was pushed into forming a league for women by I think it was his daughters and maybe his wife as well.

Hill: Not only that, but it allows the young female population a major stepping stone for their talent to be seen. The women wanted more money, and I agree with some of the principles at which they wanted these cuts. (two points; at 11) They're not that many other places they could go, and David and the labor unions did a good job keeping the female audience interested in their basketball.

Daffy: Bobby, it's not as if David's decision wasn't one that he alone could have made, but when you have strong and independent women that want their opinion heard, I think it only makes sense to, listen. But to be perfectly honest, the WNBA isn't this major cash cow in the world. (three points; at 10) Apparently, the league has lost money and ratings every year they've been in business (two points; at 12) so someone must have at least pressured him into a new fine-year labor deal.

Flintstone: Listen. I know that these women could have found other places to play. Places where they may not make as much money and probably will have to play more of a season. They could play in their local hometowns, play in the European and other international leagues (two points; at 13) or they can devote their talent to coaching (three points; at 16) or being the head of another basketball team, be it professional or collegiate.

Read: That way the talent won't go to waste. But this question is for Daffy. If Stern never considered getting the WNBA back on track, what would the labor union do to make sure that women did get the chance to play in a true professional league?

Daffy: If someone could find a sponsor that didn't mind losing money, but was passionate in seeing women play the game (two points; at 14) they could make some progress. They won't have the big stadium atmosphere that the WNBA has, but at least they get to play the game.

Flintstone: Yeah. That would work as long as women wanted things, but they didn't have to be equal. But women have fought for generations to have things equal (two points; at 18) and in the case of basketball and the WNBA, they have done it.

Hill: You will see in the next five years that the WNBA will want to attract as many viewers as possible to their product. David Stern is at his rope's end. So expect to see more sleaze, sex appeal (two points; at 13) and twin advertisements with the NBA.

(horn blares)

Read: Penny, you get the last word.

Proud: Let the entire population of female players, fans and the like rejoice in the fact that women's professional basketball can live on in a worldwide stage. (three points; at 9)

Read: Yes. I agree wholeheartedly. You made the point right there, because David is the only one that can keep the league going or pull the switch. Those were the Opening Remarks, I'll ask my panel to Consider This, next!

After Round one, the scores are:

Fred Flintstone: 18 points

Daffy Duck: 14 points

Bobby Hill: 13 points

Penny Proud: 9 points

(commercial break)

(we're back on the air)

Voice Over: Listen up…and Consider This!

Art Read: It's time for our panel to consider this, so let's keep it moving. First topic! Consider this. Toronto was taken off the list of major cities where the SARS illness has a severe spreading rate and can be dangerous, even fatal to your health. So should you go through normal daily procedures if you live in or plan to visit Toronto, Fred?

Flintstone: Absolutely not. Remember that Toronto was taken off the list of major cities that are at a severe risk. This doesn't mean that the disease is completely gone, though. You still must probably bring disinfectant, stay away from hospitals (three points; at 21) and above all, don't touch anybody you don't know.

Daffy: We're talking about a medical phenomenon in the SARS disease. Taking a combination of the influenza bug and pneumonia, it can send the fittest person to a bed-ridden state. Anywhere that SARS cases are reported should be warning areas for everyone. (three points; at 17) You should take all precautions to avoid contact with victims because nobody really knows anything about it.

Hill: The best thing anyone can do is keep updated on possible SARS cases in your area or the areas or loved ones. But do not travel to any of the major SARS cities, take every precaution necessary if you have to (two points; at 15) and remember that the best medicine is to keep informed. You might save your live or the life of a loved one. (two points; at 17)

Proud: I think that SARS can affect any city in the world if we are not careful. Some musical and entertainment acts have cancelled or postponed their performances because of it and I do not blame them for it. (three points; at 12) We have the Anaheim Angels playing in Toronto soon, and they have expressed concern playing there, as they should. (three points; at 15)

Read: Yeah. Toronto still has an abundance of SARS cases and everyone that lives or goes there for some reason must take all necessary precautions. Next topic! Consider this. The first round of the NHL playoffs is well underway and one of the biggest surprises is Anaheim Mighty Ducks goalie Jean-Sebastien Giguere, who has saved enough goals to keep the defending champion Detroit Red Wings from a repeat. The Mighty Ducks ended up sweeping that series four games to nothing. Can one player lead a team to a championship, and if so, what sport sees it happen the most, Daffy?

Daffy: I think that only the team players can carry their teams all they way and Giguere is one of those team players, even though he is a goalie. (two points; at 19) But only the team players can carry their team to the Promised Land. (two points; at 21)

Hill: If you have the talent and you are able to get the crowd on your side and more importantly your teammates, you will be able to control a game. The only exception to the rule is probably the games of baseball and football (three points; at 20) because positions always change.

Proud: In basketball, for years we have seen that one gem of a player help carry their team to a national title. But I can only see it happening in basketball, because you develop your own skills (three points; at 18) that will compliment the players on the team sport.

Flintstone: It's actually hard to be a keystone in team sport, but I see it happen all the time in sports like NASCAR, where a driver… (MUTE; back to 16)

Read: That's great and all, but NASCAR has to have a star driver in order to succeed. A great team is nice, but if you can't combine that with a great driver, then it's worthless. Next topic! Consider this. Each of the 16 teams in the NBA playoffs has completed one game. Big surprises include both number one seeds losing to the number eight seeds. (Detroit loses to Orlando and San Antonio loses to Phoenix) So, I want to know who you have for the Eastern and Western Conference Champions and why, Bobby?

Hill: The Eastern Champions will be either the 76ers of Philadelphia, for their comeback after the all-star break or the Celtics of Boston, because I doubt that Ron Artest is finished with is flagrant foul motif. (two points; at 22) But when it comes to the Western Conference, there is no contest, as the Sacramento Kings will reign as Kings in the West. (three points; at 25)

Proud: I have to disagree with you, Bobby on the east conference as I expect the answer Allen Iverson and only the 76ers to make it all the way. I feel they're the only ones that have a real chance. (two points; at 20) Plus, expect Zen Master Phil Jackson to pull his team together for another memorable playoff run.

Flintstone: You're all going to have to witness first hand the potency of two teams in the west bracket. The Minnesota Timberwolves and the Sacramento Kings (three points; at 19) feel like it has been a long time coming and they must do justice to several embarrassing moments and being cheated out of potential glory. In the east, you have to go with Orlando, even though they are seeded eighth.

Daffy: I beg to differ. I have watched the New Orleans come alive at the end of the regular season and I think they might be a dark horse for the eastern finals. And for the west, the best choice is Los Angeles solely on past playoff experience. (three points; at 24)

Read: Next topic! Consider this. The 2003 NFL Draft consists of seven rounds, 32 teams and 262 picks. But one pick has stood out for reasons right and wrong. He is Willis McGahee and he probably would have been in the top 5 if not for an injury in the national championship to his leg. Should the teams take in consideration McGahee's health if they decide to pick him or not, Penny?

Proud: I think it would only make sense that you do consider his health. You might want to red-shirt him for the upcoming season just to make sure he doesn't re-injure his leg. (two points; at 22) He may have had what appears to be a fast recovery, but let's make sure he doesn't rush into anything.

Flintstone: I think that you should give the young man some chances to prove himself in the upcoming season. Keeping him behind another back might not be the best thing, because McGahee is already explosive (two points; at 21) and can deliver the pain to any defense be it on turf or natural grass. (three points; at 24)

Daffy: At least make sure that you know how McGahee feels about his prognosis and make a compromise of playing time based on rehabilitation progress. (two points; at 26) In other words, if one team won't play him, there's always another.

Hill: You want to play this explosive back right away, but you know if he gets hurt now, it will be money down the drain. (two points; at 27) I think one of the best solutions for this situation is to play as many scrimmages as possible to see if Willis can handle the strain. If not, there's always next year. (one point; at 28)

(horn blares)

Read: In my opinion, Willis is worth a lot more in the long run than right now this very second. The horn means elimination time, and we must bid farewell to Penny Proud.

Her screen fades to her silhouette with a yellow outline.

Read: I really thought, she'd be off the hizzle fo shizzle like a chisel, if you know what I mean. We'll do Ad Agency next!

(commercial break)

(we're back on the air)

Voice Over: It's Around the Animation Horn, where after two rounds, here's how they stand:

Fred Flintstone has 24

Daffy Duck has 26

Bobby Hill has 28

And Penny Proud is off this hizzle fo shizzle.

And now… it's time for the Ad Agency!

Art Read: The Ad Agency is a five minute trivial showdown where the correct answer will get you two points and points won't be taken away for wrong answers. Here's how it works. I will give the name of an ad slogan and our three remaining panelists must buzz in to give me the company that uses this slogan. So, players if you have your hands on your buzzers, we'll begin.

He waits for the signal.

Read: Time begins right now. This brand of truck is like a rock.

Bobby buzzes in.

Hill: I believe that would be Chevrolet trucks. (two points; at 30)

Read: You would be correct. This brand of cereal is G-R-R-R-EAT!

Daffy buzzes in first.

Daffy: I'll say Kellogg's Frosted Flakes. (two points; at 28)

Read: That is correct. Next question. When you come to this restaurant, you're family.

No one buzzes in.

(buzzer sounds after five seconds)

Read: That would be The Olive Garden. Next slogan. This television network is the Worldwide Leader in Sports.

Daffy buzzes in.

Daffy: That would be FOX Sports.

(buzzer sounds)

Read: The answer is actually the Entertainment and Sports Programming Network. (ESPN) Or next slogan is, this audio components company guarantees better sound through research.

Fred buzzes in first.

Flintstone: That would be BOSE. (two points; at 26)

Read: That would be correct for two points. This company tells us to O Thank Heaven for them. Who are they?

Daffy buzzes in.

Daffy: That would be your neighborhood 7-Eleven. (two points; at 30)

Read: O Thank Heaven for 7-Eleven is correct. What sports entertainment company has spent the last year getting the "F" out?

Bobby makes his move.

Hill: Can't think of anyone else but the WWE. (two points; at 32)

Read: I think that's because there is no one else. This Internet service provider says to try their product because it's better with the butterfly.

Daffy buzzes in.

Daffy: That would be MSN.

Read: Be more specific, please.

Daffy (half-confused): MSN 8. (two points; at 32)

Read: That's better. Here's the next slogan. This credit card is everywhere you want to be.

Fred gets back in the game.

Flintstone: I think that would be Visa. (two points; at 28)

Read: Good choice. Your next slogan is just one word, and that word is `invent'.

Fred goes for another.

Flintstone: Is it Hewlett-Packard? (two points; at 30)

Read: HP Invent is the correct answer. The world puts its stock in us.

That slogan is left unclaimed.

Read: That would be the New York Stock Exchange. This coffee is good to the last drop.

Daffy takes it.

Daffy: I believe that's Maxwell House. (two points; at 34)

Read: The next slogan is improving home improvement.

Bobby buzzes in to answer.

Hill: That would be Lowe's. (two points; at 34)

(horn blares)

Read: And that would be the end of our Ad Agency round. We will go right into our Pop Quiz round. I will ask each panelist two questions related to material on this show. Four points each are awarded for right answers, but if you get both questions wrong, you get a MUTE and a five-point deduction. We'll begin with Fred Flintstone, who has 30 points. What is the name of the WNBA team in New York?

Flintstone: The Liberty.

(fanfare sounds)

Read: Your next question is the brand of coffee made by Proctor & Gamble is known as what?

Flintstone: Eight O'clock coffees.

(buzzer sounds)

Read: That answer was Folgers. And that sends your final score to 34 and a three-way tie for the lead, but we are far from over yet. We now turn to Daffy Duck with 34 points. Exactly what temperature or higher do you look for in SARS patients?

Daffy: Uhh. I think it's…

(buzzer sounds)

Read: You want to look for a temperature 100.4°F and trying to get in your answers faster. If you don't answer this next question correctly, you will be subject to the MUTE button. What is the nickname of the mascot for Kellogg's Corn Flakes?

Daffy: His name means silly or somewhat out of control in a comedic way. But…I'm going to say his name is Corny.

(fanfare sounds)

Read: Daffy got the second question, sending him to a final score of 38 points. Now onto Bobby Hill with 34 points. Mr. Irrelevant refers to what pick in the NFL Draft?

Hill: Wow. You've got me there. I can't answer that one.

(buzzer sounds)

Read (confused): I thought he'd be able to answer that one for sure. It was the last pick overall in the draft. Now for your final question. ESPN recently went to a HDTV format. What does the acronym HDTV stand for?

Hill: I know that TV stands for television, but this sounds very technical. I thought I could get to the final round, but I guess not. I'll cut my losses. (MUTE; final score of 29)

(buzzer sounds)

Read: It's nice to hear you say that, but now you have overstayed your welcome and must leave accordingly.

Bobby Hill is eliminated and given the same treatment as Penny Proud.

Read: We have narrowed it down to two for a chance at $25,000. See who gets it in the Final Showdown, next!

(commercial break)

(we're back on the air)

Voice Over: It's time for the Final Showdown!

Read: Let's get right to things with our announcer, the Voice Over.

Voice Over: Our Final Showdown topic deals with the running of the 107th Boston Marathon and the difficulty of this 26.2mile competition of the fittest. The prehistoric Ralph of The Honeymooners and a duck with an owl hoot. Make it happen.

Read: Will do. The Kenyans continued their marathon dominance as Robert Kipkoech Cheruiyot wins the 107th Boston Marathon with a time of 2hrs. 10min. 11sec. Kenya went on to take eight of the top 10 positions on the men's side. Meanwhile, Margaret Zakharova, age 32 from Russia holds it down for the ladies. But what makes Kenya so great, and how can the United States be that great? Thirty seconds each. Fred Flintstone, it's all yours, so go.

Flintstone: You have to understand that runners are trained from a very young age. Those aspiring runners can start as early as the age of eight. Realize that the Kenyan climate has very thin air, which makes it hard to breathe, but if you can get past that one obstacle, you would win every marathon in sight. If I had to pick a place where runners have a big advantage in the United States, it would have to be Denver, Colorado. The mile-high city is equipped with the necessary air quality to make it a great place to learn endurance running.

Daffy: I'll add in the things you left out, Fred. First of all, the Kenyans recognize endurance running as their primary sport and because they learn from their coaches at a young age, they can go anywhere in the world and run the marathon with ease. We could have great players in other sports besides the big four of baseball, hockey, basketball and football, but we turn these sports into modes of business and negatively attract the viewer. We meant to gain fan following, but we actually lost it. International coaches can't make that many guarantees, but they can find potential superstars and that is the ultimate guarantee.

(horn blares)

Read: I loved all the complimenting that was going on. This is an easy one that will go to Daffy Duck!

(fanfare sounds)

Read: Daffy, you have 15 seconds starting now.

Daffy Duck: I want to take this time to recognize two significant deaths. On April 17, creator of the Atkins Diet, Robert Atkins died of an accidental fall. And on April 20, mother of F1 superstars Michael and Ralf Schumacher, Elizabeth Schumacher also died of an accidental fall. May they both rest in peace.

(horn blares as Penny and Bobby return to the studio)

Read: That's it for us folks! Join us next week for Shaggy, Doug Funnie, Homer Simpson and Mickey Mouse. Until then, this is your emcee of the hour thanking you for going Around the Animation Horn!

(we're off the air)

Please review for Day 2: A Helping Hand.