Fan Fiction ❯ Ignotum per Ignotius ❯ Logic versus Emotion ( Chapter 4 )
[ T - Teen: Not suitable for readers under 13 ]
By: AmethystGleam 
In which chaos returns and tries to show Canaan one of the good things in life.
(Shounen-ai warning.)
Anime/Manga: Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Drama | Type: Continuation | Uploaded On: 03.10.2005 | Updated On: 03.10.2005 | Pages: 2 | Words: 2.3K | Visits: 291 | Status: Completed
In which chaos returns and tries to show Canaan one of the good things in life.
(Shounen-ai warning.)
Anime/Manga: Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Drama | Type: Continuation | Uploaded On: 03.10.2005 | Updated On: 03.10.2005 | Pages: 2 | Words: 2.3K | Visits: 291 | Status: Completed
-------------------------------------------------------------- ---
Ignotum per Ignotius
(A thing unknown by a thing more unknown)
-------------------------------------------------------------- ---
A fanfic by AmethystGleam
Disclaimer: I don’t own Xenosaga or its characters.
Author’s Rant: Do heed the shounen-ai and spoiler warnings from the 1st chapter. This is still the same fic. Rules still apply.
Please enjoy.
---------------------------------------------------------------- -
Chapter 4:Logic versus Emotion
chaos had been out for a good five minutes now. I’d managed to regain control over my emotions, and despite the damage to my sensors from chaos’s defiance of logic earlier, I was still able to sense a faint heartbeat from the man under me, but it was slowing at a rate of 5bpm every 3 minutes, due to the cold temperatures. For all intents and purposes, I was at a loss. Searching through my memory banks under directories of data and logic, I found very little that was of help to the situation. I wasn’t supposed to move him, or leave him alone in his current condition, and yet, I had no way to get up and get him warm water or blankets, without breaking one of the formerly stated prerequisites.
The sound of a weapon being armed caught my attention, and I carefully flipped chaos under me, ready to shield him as he had earlier shielded me, sensing that the weapon I’d heard was aimed towards the door. With a loud crash, the door was blown clear off its hinges, and I glared up at the figure now standing in the doorway.
“Captain Matthews requires your and chaos’s presences on the bridge, immediately,” KOS-MOS stated, quite simply, her eyes fixed upon me and chaos. I tried to swallow my frustration as my bottom lip shuddered; chaos was getting colder.
“I can’t go!” I told her, almost harshly. “chaos is freezing to death!”
“Very well,” KOS-MOS replied, dully. “I will handle this situation. Please go on ahead.”
“I won’t leave chaos behind,” I retorted, glancing down to chaos beneath me, noticing the result of the cold was finally starting to show on his face in strong tinges of blue and white.
“Please remove yourself from on top of him,” the blue-haired android requested, moving from the doorway, finally. She came to stand by us, her look more impassive than anything I could ever muster. The way she stared down at us was almost degrading, but, hesitantly, I moved away from chaos, hoping that it was only my imagination that he had paled more at the action.
Just as I had stood, the Elsa gave a horrible lurch, and I cursed gravity as it attempted to overtake me a second time. Luckily, I was able to brace myself against the wall, wondering how heavy KOS-MOS must actually be to refrain from sliding even an inch across the floor at the sudden movement of the ship. Again, the red-eyed android came to look at me.
“Please report to the bridge immediately,” she repeated, before glancing down at chaos. “I will handle this situation.”
As utterly concerned for chaos as I was, there was nothing more that I could do for him, and I was getting a sinking feeling, not knowing what was going on outside.
These emotions are a pain in the ass.
“Take care of him, KOS-MOS,” I ordered, lowly, exiting the room without looking back. Luckily, the elevator to the 1st floor was still working, and I headed from there to the bridge.
---------------------------------------------------------- -------
The scene on the bridge was a familiar one; Captain Matthews was yelling like crazy at Tony, who seemed to be the one responsible for the ship’s sudden lurches with his ‘impressive’ (or so I’ve heard the others call it on occasion) piloting. Hammer’s hands seemed at their limits as he pounded away on the keys at a frightful rate, but before I could take in anything further on the scene, I was addressed by Rubedo.
“Canaan! Where were you!? Where’s chaos!?”
I smiled, suddenly, loving the twisted example of human nature that was now laid out before me. It seemed strongly to me that chaos’s friends weren’t friends at all; they clearly didn’t care where chaos was until they needed him. Not wanting to make more problems for myself, I tried my hardest to stifle my emotions and to keep bitterness from soaking into my voice,” He was attacked by a gnosis and was injured. KOS-MOS is attending to him right now.”
“I’m all right,” came a soft chuckle from my right, as the bridge doors opened to reveal chaos and KOS-MOS standing side by side. “Sorry I took so long, everyone.” Chaos’ humbleness never ceased to amaze me.
So chaos was okay. I sighed, breathing out relief into the otherwise tense air. The 100-series prototype saw me do so, unfortunately, as she quirked a look at me from her place at Shion’s side.
No one questioned chaos’s appearance, and I rolled my eyes. What was the point of wanting chaos present if you had nothing to say to him?
Another lurch shook the ship, and Captain Matthews let out a five-sentence curse at the pilot for his actions. The ship’s movement had sent me sliding across the wall, my movement stopped by chaos, who caught me as he stayed on his feet, knees bent for balance. As the rest of the party started (or helped others) to get back on their feet, chaos took hold of my arm and straightened his knees, leaning against my shoulder as he pushed me back into a standing position.
I heard him whisper,” Thank you for earlier.”
The air of his words danced across my ear and I shivered before mumbling in return,” I was just returning the favor.” Closing his eyes, chaos gave me a cute–don’t even ask why I called it cute–little smile before proceeding to aggravate me once again.
“It seems,” he began, “That once we get too close to Abel’s Ark, gnosis appear in order to defend it. Or, rather, gnosis are trying to flood into it, and when we get too close…”
“…The gnosis attacking are serving as cover for the other gnosis? Shit! When did they learn THAT?!” Rubedo growled, casting a glare towards the gnosis hovering about outside.
“Why aren’t they attacking anymore?” Shion inquired, blinking a little as a few gnosis floated by the ship, harmlessly.
“I backtracked a little when things got hot,” Tony answered, leaning back against his seat so that he could tilt his head enough to look at the Vector Employee. “I guess we’re not close enough to piss them off anymore.”
MOMO looked worried and hesitantly joined in the conversation,” I’ve never seen them act like this before…” Her eyes were fixed on Abel’s Ark, in the background. “What IS that thing?”
“Jr.,” chaos’s voice rang out again; the voice is reason and influence,” Considering we don’t know what that thing is, and we don’t have a safe way to get close to it right now, don’t you think we should pull back for now, and study it from afar?”
Rubedo made a face, before shuffling his feet,” Yeah, I guess. Let’s head back to the Durandal for now.”
“You heard him, Tony! Get us the hell out of here!” Captain Matthews exclaimed, and it was easy to hear the relief in his voice. My eyes flipped now to chaos, whose smile disappeared when I caught a glimpse of him. He headed for the doors, then, and I moved to follow, already knowing that no one else was going to notice chaos depart. He seemed to be disappearing more and more often, too… Why wouldn’t anyone notice?
---------------------------------------------------------- -------
After exiting the bridge, I found chaos waiting for me at the first corner; He’d obviously expected me to follow him.
“If you knew about the gnosis appearing after a certain point, why didn’t you try and stop Rubedo before?” I asked, casually, following chaos as he began to walk again.
“Jr. wouldn’t have listened, and besides...it would have been too suspicious if I had mentioned something like that before even coming out here,” chaos replied, his answer making my blood boil.
“You’re not extremely suspicious as you are?” I groaned, rubbing my forehead as I followed chaos into his cabin.
When chaos went to close the door, I spoke up again,” Don’t lock it. If KOS-MOS breaks another door, I don’t think Captain Matthews will be very happy.” chaos's tired expression seemed to ease a little at my words, and he removed his hands from the lock with a smile.
“I suppose you’re right,” he laughed, quietly, before taking a seat on his bed.
“Are you all right?” I asked, kneeling in front of him in reflexive sympathy to the traces of exhaustion on his face.
chaos looked a little surprised by my reaction, as he had to blink once before speaking,” I’m just a little tired. And how are you? You seem to be fairing well, despite your malfunctioning emotional inhibitor drive.”
“You have no idea how much trouble you’ve given me in the last few hours,” I scolded him, obviously annoyed.
chaos shook his head, apologizing with his eyes and his voice, both,” I’m sorry. Has nothing good come out of this?”
I felt myself being pulled into those blue-green eyes and unconsciously, I think I leaned forward a little to project my voice as I lowered it,” Nothing…good? What’s good?”
chaos was silent for a moment, searching my eyes as intensely as I was searching his. Before I knew it, he had closed the little distance between us, and I felt his lips press against mine, shyly.
I felt like the world had stopped.
chaos's lips were soft, and slightly cold; I could feel both hesitation and gentleness in the caress of his lips.
So this was a kiss.
My first one.
I felt my face grow warm when chaos pulled back, and I saw that his face was slightly red, as well.
“Would you mind,” chaos began, taking in a small breath to keep the words flowing, “if I lay down for a while?” My eyes were locked unto chaos’s, and I almost expected him to say something further.
“I don’t mind,” I replied, resisting the urge to ask him why he’d just done what he had, or worse yet, the urge to ask him to do it again.
Just what is wrong with me?
I rose to my feet, watching chaos lean back against the bed and pull the covers up to his chin. The blush on his face, still prominent, contrasted sharply against the snow-white pillow that he had rested his head upon. He looked at me for a long moment before finally closing his eyes. I took this as my signal to leave, and turned my back to my former navigator, heading for the door.
His voice halted me once more.
“Canaan?” chaos whispered, “You’re not mad at me, right?”
I blinked, my back still to him. What would chaos care if I was mad at him or not? My initial thought, besides the aforementioned, was this; why should I be mad at him? Of course, I had my reasons to be disgruntled, but I simply found myself agitated with him because of those reasons–not angry. If there was some reason I was supposed to be angry with the platinum-haired boy, I would have liked him to tell me so himself, but I felt his eyes on my back, somehow, and turned to face them. Brilliant blue-green eyes, tuned down to a dim and pale hue, gazed at me; they were almost painful to look at.
“I’m not mad at you, chaos,” I said, the simplicity of my words fighting against my better judgment. To my delight, however, chaos smiled at my words, his eyes returning to their former splendor, albeit with hints of tiredness reflected in them.
“Good Night, Canaan,” he called to me, as I turned away again.
“It’s 5 PM, chaos,” I replied. “But rest well.”
I believe I heard him laugh out a “Roger!” as I left the room.
------------------------------------------------------------ -----
Author’s Conclusion: Has anyone else noticed that chaos has a way of manipulating people? And changing the subject whenever it’s something he doesn’t want to talk about? I wonder when Canaan’s going to realize that chaos keeps avoiding all his questions. :3
But yes. -_-; I apologize again for weirdness in this chapter. I think I got a little too giddy when writing about the kiss, so it’s mostly just….spastic typing, >< Yes. I’m very sorry. Don’t eat me.
Converting /tmp/phpSxPGg3 to /dev/stdout
Ignotum per Ignotius
(A thing unknown by a thing more unknown)
-------------------------------------------------------------- ---
A fanfic by AmethystGleam
Disclaimer: I don’t own Xenosaga or its characters.
Author’s Rant: Do heed the shounen-ai and spoiler warnings from the 1st chapter. This is still the same fic. Rules still apply.
Please enjoy.
---------------------------------------------------------------- -
Chapter 4:Logic versus Emotion
chaos had been out for a good five minutes now. I’d managed to regain control over my emotions, and despite the damage to my sensors from chaos’s defiance of logic earlier, I was still able to sense a faint heartbeat from the man under me, but it was slowing at a rate of 5bpm every 3 minutes, due to the cold temperatures. For all intents and purposes, I was at a loss. Searching through my memory banks under directories of data and logic, I found very little that was of help to the situation. I wasn’t supposed to move him, or leave him alone in his current condition, and yet, I had no way to get up and get him warm water or blankets, without breaking one of the formerly stated prerequisites.
The sound of a weapon being armed caught my attention, and I carefully flipped chaos under me, ready to shield him as he had earlier shielded me, sensing that the weapon I’d heard was aimed towards the door. With a loud crash, the door was blown clear off its hinges, and I glared up at the figure now standing in the doorway.
“Captain Matthews requires your and chaos’s presences on the bridge, immediately,” KOS-MOS stated, quite simply, her eyes fixed upon me and chaos. I tried to swallow my frustration as my bottom lip shuddered; chaos was getting colder.
“I can’t go!” I told her, almost harshly. “chaos is freezing to death!”
“Very well,” KOS-MOS replied, dully. “I will handle this situation. Please go on ahead.”
“I won’t leave chaos behind,” I retorted, glancing down to chaos beneath me, noticing the result of the cold was finally starting to show on his face in strong tinges of blue and white.
“Please remove yourself from on top of him,” the blue-haired android requested, moving from the doorway, finally. She came to stand by us, her look more impassive than anything I could ever muster. The way she stared down at us was almost degrading, but, hesitantly, I moved away from chaos, hoping that it was only my imagination that he had paled more at the action.
Just as I had stood, the Elsa gave a horrible lurch, and I cursed gravity as it attempted to overtake me a second time. Luckily, I was able to brace myself against the wall, wondering how heavy KOS-MOS must actually be to refrain from sliding even an inch across the floor at the sudden movement of the ship. Again, the red-eyed android came to look at me.
“Please report to the bridge immediately,” she repeated, before glancing down at chaos. “I will handle this situation.”
As utterly concerned for chaos as I was, there was nothing more that I could do for him, and I was getting a sinking feeling, not knowing what was going on outside.
These emotions are a pain in the ass.
“Take care of him, KOS-MOS,” I ordered, lowly, exiting the room without looking back. Luckily, the elevator to the 1st floor was still working, and I headed from there to the bridge.
---------------------------------------------------------- -------
The scene on the bridge was a familiar one; Captain Matthews was yelling like crazy at Tony, who seemed to be the one responsible for the ship’s sudden lurches with his ‘impressive’ (or so I’ve heard the others call it on occasion) piloting. Hammer’s hands seemed at their limits as he pounded away on the keys at a frightful rate, but before I could take in anything further on the scene, I was addressed by Rubedo.
“Canaan! Where were you!? Where’s chaos!?”
I smiled, suddenly, loving the twisted example of human nature that was now laid out before me. It seemed strongly to me that chaos’s friends weren’t friends at all; they clearly didn’t care where chaos was until they needed him. Not wanting to make more problems for myself, I tried my hardest to stifle my emotions and to keep bitterness from soaking into my voice,” He was attacked by a gnosis and was injured. KOS-MOS is attending to him right now.”
“I’m all right,” came a soft chuckle from my right, as the bridge doors opened to reveal chaos and KOS-MOS standing side by side. “Sorry I took so long, everyone.” Chaos’ humbleness never ceased to amaze me.
So chaos was okay. I sighed, breathing out relief into the otherwise tense air. The 100-series prototype saw me do so, unfortunately, as she quirked a look at me from her place at Shion’s side.
No one questioned chaos’s appearance, and I rolled my eyes. What was the point of wanting chaos present if you had nothing to say to him?
Another lurch shook the ship, and Captain Matthews let out a five-sentence curse at the pilot for his actions. The ship’s movement had sent me sliding across the wall, my movement stopped by chaos, who caught me as he stayed on his feet, knees bent for balance. As the rest of the party started (or helped others) to get back on their feet, chaos took hold of my arm and straightened his knees, leaning against my shoulder as he pushed me back into a standing position.
I heard him whisper,” Thank you for earlier.”
The air of his words danced across my ear and I shivered before mumbling in return,” I was just returning the favor.” Closing his eyes, chaos gave me a cute–don’t even ask why I called it cute–little smile before proceeding to aggravate me once again.
“It seems,” he began, “That once we get too close to Abel’s Ark, gnosis appear in order to defend it. Or, rather, gnosis are trying to flood into it, and when we get too close…”
“…The gnosis attacking are serving as cover for the other gnosis? Shit! When did they learn THAT?!” Rubedo growled, casting a glare towards the gnosis hovering about outside.
“Why aren’t they attacking anymore?” Shion inquired, blinking a little as a few gnosis floated by the ship, harmlessly.
“I backtracked a little when things got hot,” Tony answered, leaning back against his seat so that he could tilt his head enough to look at the Vector Employee. “I guess we’re not close enough to piss them off anymore.”
MOMO looked worried and hesitantly joined in the conversation,” I’ve never seen them act like this before…” Her eyes were fixed on Abel’s Ark, in the background. “What IS that thing?”
“Jr.,” chaos’s voice rang out again; the voice is reason and influence,” Considering we don’t know what that thing is, and we don’t have a safe way to get close to it right now, don’t you think we should pull back for now, and study it from afar?”
Rubedo made a face, before shuffling his feet,” Yeah, I guess. Let’s head back to the Durandal for now.”
“You heard him, Tony! Get us the hell out of here!” Captain Matthews exclaimed, and it was easy to hear the relief in his voice. My eyes flipped now to chaos, whose smile disappeared when I caught a glimpse of him. He headed for the doors, then, and I moved to follow, already knowing that no one else was going to notice chaos depart. He seemed to be disappearing more and more often, too… Why wouldn’t anyone notice?
---------------------------------------------------------- -------
After exiting the bridge, I found chaos waiting for me at the first corner; He’d obviously expected me to follow him.
“If you knew about the gnosis appearing after a certain point, why didn’t you try and stop Rubedo before?” I asked, casually, following chaos as he began to walk again.
“Jr. wouldn’t have listened, and besides...it would have been too suspicious if I had mentioned something like that before even coming out here,” chaos replied, his answer making my blood boil.
“You’re not extremely suspicious as you are?” I groaned, rubbing my forehead as I followed chaos into his cabin.
When chaos went to close the door, I spoke up again,” Don’t lock it. If KOS-MOS breaks another door, I don’t think Captain Matthews will be very happy.” chaos's tired expression seemed to ease a little at my words, and he removed his hands from the lock with a smile.
“I suppose you’re right,” he laughed, quietly, before taking a seat on his bed.
“Are you all right?” I asked, kneeling in front of him in reflexive sympathy to the traces of exhaustion on his face.
chaos looked a little surprised by my reaction, as he had to blink once before speaking,” I’m just a little tired. And how are you? You seem to be fairing well, despite your malfunctioning emotional inhibitor drive.”
“You have no idea how much trouble you’ve given me in the last few hours,” I scolded him, obviously annoyed.
chaos shook his head, apologizing with his eyes and his voice, both,” I’m sorry. Has nothing good come out of this?”
I felt myself being pulled into those blue-green eyes and unconsciously, I think I leaned forward a little to project my voice as I lowered it,” Nothing…good? What’s good?”
chaos was silent for a moment, searching my eyes as intensely as I was searching his. Before I knew it, he had closed the little distance between us, and I felt his lips press against mine, shyly.
I felt like the world had stopped.
chaos's lips were soft, and slightly cold; I could feel both hesitation and gentleness in the caress of his lips.
So this was a kiss.
My first one.
I felt my face grow warm when chaos pulled back, and I saw that his face was slightly red, as well.
“Would you mind,” chaos began, taking in a small breath to keep the words flowing, “if I lay down for a while?” My eyes were locked unto chaos’s, and I almost expected him to say something further.
“I don’t mind,” I replied, resisting the urge to ask him why he’d just done what he had, or worse yet, the urge to ask him to do it again.
Just what is wrong with me?
I rose to my feet, watching chaos lean back against the bed and pull the covers up to his chin. The blush on his face, still prominent, contrasted sharply against the snow-white pillow that he had rested his head upon. He looked at me for a long moment before finally closing his eyes. I took this as my signal to leave, and turned my back to my former navigator, heading for the door.
His voice halted me once more.
“Canaan?” chaos whispered, “You’re not mad at me, right?”
I blinked, my back still to him. What would chaos care if I was mad at him or not? My initial thought, besides the aforementioned, was this; why should I be mad at him? Of course, I had my reasons to be disgruntled, but I simply found myself agitated with him because of those reasons–not angry. If there was some reason I was supposed to be angry with the platinum-haired boy, I would have liked him to tell me so himself, but I felt his eyes on my back, somehow, and turned to face them. Brilliant blue-green eyes, tuned down to a dim and pale hue, gazed at me; they were almost painful to look at.
“I’m not mad at you, chaos,” I said, the simplicity of my words fighting against my better judgment. To my delight, however, chaos smiled at my words, his eyes returning to their former splendor, albeit with hints of tiredness reflected in them.
“Good Night, Canaan,” he called to me, as I turned away again.
“It’s 5 PM, chaos,” I replied. “But rest well.”
I believe I heard him laugh out a “Roger!” as I left the room.
------------------------------------------------------------ -----
Author’s Conclusion: Has anyone else noticed that chaos has a way of manipulating people? And changing the subject whenever it’s something he doesn’t want to talk about? I wonder when Canaan’s going to realize that chaos keeps avoiding all his questions. :3
But yes. -_-; I apologize again for weirdness in this chapter. I think I got a little too giddy when writing about the kiss, so it’s mostly just….spastic typing, >< Yes. I’m very sorry. Don’t eat me.
Converting /tmp/phpSxPGg3 to /dev/stdout