Fushigi Yuugi Fan Fiction ❯ The Emperor's New Look ❯ Good Looks Gone Bad ( Chapter 1 )

[ P - Pre-Teen ]

*Runs onstage with the scrippie* All right, I'm here, let's start my creation!!! *cackles like a weirdo*
Tamahome: You forgot something.
hc:: What ever is that?
Tasuki: The disclaimer, you freakin' moron!!!
hc: Oh yeah! Sorry you guys. Okay here goes... If I owned FY, do you realize that
I could not go around in public without being mauled for some kind of FY product
out there?
Everyone: yeah, thank god you're not Yuu Watase...
hc: So that's proof enough. 'Kay let's go. Wait I forgot, I don't own The Emperor's
New Groove either. Geez you think I'm rich or something??? If I was, would I
be seriously doing this?
Everyone: No, you'd be somewhere off the coast of Barbados, nursing a Vodka
mixed with Sprite or something.
hc: Yep, just turned legal drinking age a couple weeks ago, I can do that... ^_^
Everyone: Can we just get the parody over with?????? You are so long-winded,
even with disclaimers!!!!!
hc: Oh, yeah I'm doing a parody. Okay let's start! Take your places everyone!!!
Just for your convenience, I put down the cast list and they are as follows:

Dramatis Personae... lol

Kuzco: Hotohori (well that's obvious...)

Pacha: Tamahome

Pacha's wife: Miaka

Yzma: Yui

Kronk: Nakago(ha ha...)

Pacha's kids: Nuriko and Tasuki (thanks Chibi Star Fighter (CSF!!!)

Theme song guy: Chichiri

That's practically all of them, and I want to surprise you with the rest!! Oh yeah, your dedicated authoress is the narrator and don't be surprised if I come in the story sometimes. Hee hee... okay now we're ready!

PS **means me talking as the narrator**

Chapter One: Good Looks Gone Bad

**Once upon a time, there was a beautiful ruler who reigned over the Empire of Konan. This ruler was just and fair when it came to matters of state, but when it came to his appearance, he was downright nasty. Today is but a day in the life of this vain emperor, yet it all but changed his life from then on. Here is how it begins:**

Hotohori: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO etc.

**The voice travelled down the corridor, meeting the ears of many.**

Random Advisor Dude: Your Majesty! What is wrong?!

**The emperor sat in his room, distraught, his long hair hanging in strands around his face, would not turn to answer the Random Advisor Dude. Instead, he put a shaking hand to his face. The RAD(random advisor dude, cause I'm too damn lazy to type it out) approached quietly, stopping short when the emperor spoke.**

Hotohori: Do not- do not look upon me, unless you wish to go blind!

RAD: *approaches him, and whips out his hand, grabbing Hotohori's chin*
I see nothing wrong...

Hotohori: It is because you cannot see anything, you have gone blind!!!!

RAD: *examines his face closely, bringing his own face closer and closer until-*

Hotohori: *SMACK*
I am not that far gone!!!
*looks in the mirror, only to see his own fair face shining back, and he
sighs with relief*

RAD: Forgive me, Lord Hotohori; I was simply diagnosing the problem. *rubs his
face*

** The emperor did not look toward him; rather he seemed to have forgotten the whole incident.**

Hotohori: Do not worry yourself. It has passed.

**Hotohori took his long luscious hair and tied it back into a bun, a process that has always amazed me. How could it all fit into a tiny bun? But it did, and a few strands hung from his forehead to perfect his look. Turning to the RAD, he asked,**

Hotohori: What events are taking place in the empire?

RAD: *tugging at his collar* Well, the Lady Yui-

Hotohori: Oh, her! Is she doing that again?

**Hotohori stood up and, waving a hand through his robes, he strode down the hall. Upon seeing the emperor, several bystanders fell prostrate upon the floor, muttering praises that Hotohori ignored, as it happened often. The only standing person was Chichiri, who has been given the part of the theme-song guy, and he burst into song:**

Chichiri: Nani? What do I have to do, no da?

hc: Sing!!! I love the way you sing, please, pleeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaazzzzzz???!!!

Chichiri: *looks at me with one eyebrow up* Okay...

Ochanoko Saisai Hengen Jizai...
Oira wa minna no ichibu de zenbu
Suzaku no miko wo mamoru tame no shichi seishi
Ochanoko Saisai Hengen Jizai
Ikai e tsujiru kasa wo kabutte
Da Da Da Daaaaaaaaa...
Teki mo mikata mo asobi nakama na no da-

hc: *dancing to his singing, not realizing that it's not the right song*
*singing as a BG vocal: Oh yeah! Oh yeah!

Chiriko(who has not been cast yet): *taps me on the shoulder* Uh, hime-chan?

hc: What is it kiddo?

Chiriko: Is the song not supposed to be about Emperor Hotohori?

hc: *looks over to see that the camera ain't rolling, and everybody except Chichiri
(who is still singing) is giving me the evil eye*
Oh, so it is! Haha, sorry everyone! Okay, sing the one about how great Hotohori
is, 'kay Chichiri?

Chichiri: Oh!!! You must specify, na no da!

hc: Sorry 'bout that, people. Okay better get off the set! *grabs a megaphone*
PLACES PEOPLE!! AAAAND... ACTION!!!

**I repeat myself, Chichiri burst in to song:**

Chichiri: He's the narcissist of the nation, no da
He's the sexiest dude in creation, no da
He's a vain peacock in emperor's new clothes, no da
In all the years of his breeding
There's never been such a royal leading, no da
Generations have passed
Without seeing such a miracle we all know, no da
What's his name, no da?
HOTOHORIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII...............
HOTOHORIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII...............

**At that moment, the bowing people all got up, cheering the emperor's name. One random guy got a little too excited and jumped into the passing Hotohori. Sprawled on the ground, Hotohori yelled in that sexy voice that was his:**

Hotohori: MY NEWLY PRESSED ROBES!!!!!! MY HAIR!!!!!! MY etc...

**He looked around in anger, finding the random guy sprawled on the floor suffering a broken collarbone. He pointed a slender finger at him, ranting:**

Hotohori: IT WAS YOU!! YOU- YOU- YOU-

**He couldn't seem to finish his YOU- YOU- YOU sentence, since he was unable to think logically after being knocked so viciously to the floor. Then Mitsukake stepped in.**

Mitsukake: I'm sorry, but you've ruined the emperor's look.

**Seconds later found the random guy sailing out the window, yelling,**

RG: Sssssssooooooorrrrrrrrrrrryyyyyyyy...

**And Hotohori was unable to go down to see to Lady Yui; in fact, he didn't see her at all that morning, since he had to go back to his room and recover for awhile**

(Scene change)

**Meanwhile, what was Yui doing? In her miko garb, she sat in Emperor Hotohori's chair, as she crossed and uncrossed her legs, trying to listen to what these loser villagers had to say.**

Yui: Enter!

**He waddled in on all fours, being a human wolf, or werewolf, or something like that. As Ashitare came up to the throne, he barked his displeasure at the man who stood by her side. Nakago, his eyebrow twitching, stood quietly at Yui's side, trying not to hurt me. She addressed the wolf man,**

Yui: What's your business?

**He replied, attempting to stand on two feet,**

Ashitare: Seiryuu no miko... I want to protest the treatment of animals in the
Empire, namely me-

Yui: It's no concern of mine. Nakago!

**She looked over at the stiff general, who flashed his whip out with glee. Mouthing 'finally', he struck out at Ashitare, who whimpered and fled the room.**

Nakago: Thank you, Lady Yui. Damn, I needed that.

**he said, glaring at me, and I smiled cheerfully back. Yui sighed and slouched in her chair, wanting something to do very badly. The bishounen emperor had been hiding in his room all morning, and people were lining up to see him. Half of them left when they saw that Yui occupied the throne, since pretty near everyone came to see his Magnificence in action, using any excuse in the book to do so. Suddenly, they heard the roaring of many people running toward the palace gates.**

hc: Oh shit, it can't be... THE FANGIRLS????

Fangirls: Hotohori-sama, we love you!

Guards: Hey! What the hell- *fangirls knock the guards to the ground, thus security
is breached*

hc: Great! Call out the fire department!

Camera guy: But I'm still shooting! There aren't any fire departments in Konan!!

hc: Hey, there aren't any fangirls either, so what's your point?

Camera guy: None. Well, what're we gonna do?!!

**By now, the fangirls have reached the throne room and are pounding on the door.**

Camera guy: What the hell are you still narrating for??!!!

hc: Habit, sorry...

Fangirls: *in sing-song type voices* Ho-to-ho-ri-sa-ma!!! We know you're in there!

hc: I have an idea! *jumps in front of the door, and it smashes open*

Camera guy: She's dead...

hc: Stop! This is my fic and I order the bishounen around!!! Yaz had all better wait
your turn and- *is stomped into the carpet*

Camera guy: Baka...

hc: Hotohori isn't even here!!! He's sick or dying or something!

Fangirls: *whine*

**However, the fangirls caught sight of Nakago and jumped up on their mysteriously winged feet, floating toward the blonde general with 'oohs' and 'aahs'. Nakago looked slightly disturbed. By now I was getting desperate.**

hc: Where's my backup bishounen? I need his help!

Dilandau: You called, hime-chan? *turns toward the fangirls with a flamethrower*
MOEROOOOOO!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! *toasts a few of them who
followed*

hc: Maybe the flamethrower was a bit much...

*Dilly ran out the door, having run out of fuel for his flamethrower, but was glomped by the remaining fangirls, before finally being snagged by someone to use in a humour fic.**

hc: *runs back behind the camera, grabs the megaphone*
CONTINUE!!!

**Now as I said, Yui was deathly bored, in spite of the show that just took place. In front of her, yet another person looked in and left. She stuck her tongue out at her after she left, then closed her eyes.**

Hotohori: What is the meaning of this?

**Yui's eyes flew open, and she squinted in the celestial light emitted from his Majesty. Sighing, she stood up.**

Yui: Emperor Hotohori, you had not arrived yet and many people had business to discuss with you. I couldn't keep them waiting.

**Hotohori laughed, which sent shivers down my spine as I sat in the director's chair.**

Hotohori: Lady Yui, do you not realize that these good people come simply to see me, perfection personified?

Yui: But sire, I-

Hotohori: You're fired.

Yui: *holds onto the throne for support* But I've been in your service for- all my
life!

**Hotohori paid no attention and turned his back on the girl to inspect his throne for foreign objects. Yui was about to cry out when Nakago covered her mouth.**

Nakago: Lady Yui, let's just go.

** he said into her ear, practically dragging her away. She glared at the emperor as he took a seat in his throne, fixing his luxurious hair that hung from his bun.**

Hotohori: Next!

*his voice summoned a cheer from the crowd, but the one who got through next would not be a fangirl(can you believe it?).

(Scene switch)

**It was a real, live man actually walking up the steps toward the entrance. He looked confused about his surroundings, clutching onto the map he had used to guide him here, to Emperor Hotohori's palace**

Tamahome: Excuse me? Which door do I take?

**he asked the nearest guard, who looked like he had been hit by a steamroller. He shakily pointed to the largest door, until he could no longer hold his arm up, and it dropped to his side. Tamahome went in the door the guard had pointed out to him, looking around at his surroundings for some sign of the emperor. Squinting his eyes, he saw the throne and the figure upon it.**

Tamahome: Your Majesty, I am Sou Kishiku, also known as Tamahome.

**Hotohori flashed that pearly white smile of his and stood up.**

Hotohori: Finally, someone I have been waiting for.

**He made his way down to Tamahome, leading him away from the throne room. Tamahome, though confused, said nothing. When they were alone, Hotohori got straight to the point.**

Hotohori: I have heard many stories about your wife.

Tamahome: *nods* Yeah, and...?

Hotohori: I have reason to believe she may be Suzaku no miko.

**Tama's eyes bugged out, unable to believe that his ditzy wife could be Suzaku no miko. True, she did come from another world, but still...**

Hotohori: I have been in love with Suzaku no miko all my life, and I have heard
rumours recently of her existence.

Tamahome: What are you saying, your Majesty...?

Hotohori: I want to make her my Empress!

Tamahome: But, we have been happily married for a year! What are you going to
do, kidnap her?

Hotohori: No, but I demand that you bring her to me. This is an order from your
emperor.

Tamahome: There's no way in hell I'll-

**He reached out to grab the emperor by the throat, when guards blocked his path. Hotohori couldn't believe that someone disagreed with him**

Hotohori: You'll do as I say! Now leave and bring her here, or I'll have you put to death!

**Random guards threw Tamahome out onto the palace grounds, and he left angrily, planning in his mind to run away from Konan with his wife, Miaka.**

Author's note(as if she isn't in the story enough): Wai-hoo! So how'd ja like it? I admit Hotohori is a little mean... but that's because he's gotta see the error of his ways, like the other guy, Kuzco. Anywayz, please review, I really need it, and I'm still accepting ideas! I really want to give you a good story! See yaz!