Naruto Fan Fiction / Gundam Wing Fan Fiction ❯ Since When Do Heeros Have a Sense of Humor? ❯ Akward Landing; totally revamped! ( Chapter 1 )

Since When Do Heero's Have a Sense of Humor?: A Bish World Fic

 

Summary/intro/disclaimer thingy: Yes, this is yet another spin-off of Songwind's fic. But what else can you do when presented with such a useable world? The rules will be much the same, with only a few tweaks to fit my sense of reality, plus the add-in of the Original Character (you'll just have to read to find out what that is). I may include citrus later in the fic, but this will definitely be an adult fic so I'm rating PG-13, R to be safe, so M or whatever rating FF.Net has. And yes, Armina basically is me, and I will be adding my friends and maybe some few others. I'll have to think about the others and weigh demands with my chronic laziness.

 

Oh yeah: THE ONLY CHARACTERS I OWN ARE ARMINA AND KETRIC, EVERYONE ELSE BELONGS TO THEIR RESPECTIVE CREATORS, BE THEY LEGALLY OWNED CHARACTERS OR FANFIC WRITER'S MUSES!! THE WORLD BELONGS TO SONGWIND, THE CONCEPT TO TOKIO-SAMA AND LADY SILVER SEISHI-SAMA!!! NOT TO ME, I'M JUST STEALING FOR MY OWN ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES!! Suing me will only get you a cat nick-named Anti-Christ for a reason, a five year old laptop with a lot of YAOI on it and a major headache, 'cause I don't go down easy! Heh heh…

Italics indicates thoughts

“#text#” indicates another language

“”text”” indicates telepathy (if I use it)

Oh and one more thing, the fic does pick up after this, so give it a chance, ne?

~*~*~

Chapter 1, version 2

~*~*~

It's been a long day, a twenty-year-old college girl named Armina thought as she flopped onto her borrowed bed, and it's going to be a longer night. She sighed and stretched slightly, popping the joints in her over-abused back. Apparently all colleges seemed to think that all students were pack mules and all teachers seemed to think that their class was the only one that was being taken. And it being finals season only makes that perception all the worse.

 

It was late spring semester, but there couldn't be anything less spring-like about the young, bespectacled woman's attitude. All of her attention was taken up with stressful school assignments and a deep depression. Let's see, I have an English research paper I need to finish and all I have are a few sources and an outline; I have an art project due, with only a vague idea floating around for that; I have a Photoshop project due soon as well, and I don't even have a vague idea for that one; and I don't even want to think about what I have to get done for math!

 

The young woman sighed, she really didn't want to work on anything, but she really needed to. Plus, she shouldn't be feeling such apathetic depression; her uncle was paying for her school fees after all, on top of getting her inh-

 

Better not think about that, she thought suddenly, I should get started on my English paper. Her bed was right next to her desk which held her laptop; all it took was for her to reach out her arm and she had said laptop pulled into her lap. She pushed the power button and let her tired mind wander again. It had been a rough year for her and only her supportive family and her addiction to anime had kept her afloat.

 

She grinned suddenly, that one tote bag is right, crack is cheaper! Ah, finally awake are we, Wing? Armina had followed the trend of naming objects after Gundams that had been started by one of her friends when she had named her Jeep `Shinigami', since any small animal that got in front of the Jeep invariably died.

 

Armina turned her mind back to getting her paper started and opened the word document program, and logged onto the internet. I wonder if I have any emails, she thought ideally. She doubted it, she had an obscure email provider (which discouraged spam) and non-talkative friends. But still, checking gave her a way to procrastinate more. Wow, call the papers, I actually have one message. Are volcanoes spewing ice since hell has had to have frozen over.

 

But as she eyed the message, she was less enthused about it; she didn't recognize the name at all. Hmm, still, it's not trying to market porn, nor is it claming to be a friend that I've never had, nor is the email address chock full of miscellaneous numbers and letters, nor is it absolutely gigantic in size. It may actually be legit. She clicked on it and was instantly intrigued. Catching Bishonen and Bishoujo like pokemon? That's an interesting concept. I like it, you don't have to put up with annoying yellow rodents, just annoying, loud-mouthed Bishoujo. I think I'll look into it; it gives me a reason to procrastinate more.

 

The young, tired, perpetually failing, college girl clicked on the link and vanished from sight, instantly transported out of a boring, depressing world into one with far more possibilities.

~*~*~

Heero hitched his bag into a slightly more comfortable position and rubbed his ear with a pained grimace. I may just be getting hearing back into this one, I think. He was an older, self-sufficient San, and also had a slight wander lust. He'd been itching to get out of his dinky little home town ever since he first evolved into San stage, but hadn't been able to until now.

 

He yawned and stretched his jaw until he felt one of his ears pop; the Relena's hadn't been too willing to let him leave and had told him all about the dire things that happened to wandering Bishonen. He could fall, get attacked by wild beasts, have a tree fall on him… Right, as if… or worse #gasp# get captured by a heartless Trainer!

 

According to the common opinion, Heero was due to have been caught… ummn, about seven miles, and two hours, ago. Trainers, feh! Who cares? Look at how long I've been out, and I haven't even seen another Bish, let alone a- What was that noise?

 

Heero stood completely still and scanned the area, but saw nothing. And that didn't sound like someone sneaking up on me; it sounded like a giant bubble popping. Come to think of it, it seemed to have come from abo- ah shit! Heero had noticed a shadow while he was thinking and had looked up. Upon looking up, he notice a human shaped object suspended in midair. It was descending, rather quickly actually. Right down onto the slightly shocked Heero Bishonen right beneath it. Uhm, I think I should move-

 

#THUD!# #crack!#

 

-now…Ow… I think that was my leg… The human shaped object had resolved itself into a one hundred and twenty pound human female, a seventy pound backpack and ten pound laptop computer plus cords, resolving into a two-hundred pound object. All of which had fallen on top of Heero, with the focal point being his leg.

 

Heero lay there for a moment and wished he could trade those annoying Tweety-birds for stars before his stunned brain kicked back into gear. The female roused at about the same time.

 

“Ouch…” she said vaguely as she pushed herself up, facing the Bish, “what the heck happened? Where-?” She cut off as her eyes transmitted the fact that she was looking Heero Yuy to her mind. He could see it in the way her eyes bulged and her jaw dropped. At about the same time, the fact that he was looking directly at a Trainer processed in his mind. EEP!

 

“So… that link… It wasn't describing some website… right?” She mumbled, blinking hard as if doing so would change the image before her.

 

“Uh, guess not,” he said, not having a clue as to what she was talking about, and tried to scoot away, “Er, would you kindly- Ouch!” he said as his leg reminded him that, yes, it was indeed broken and would he kindly not jar it? It was attempting to knit here!

 

“Would I kindly ouch?” the young woman said, “What do you-? Oh! Are you okay?! No, you can't be, not with you leg at that angle. Hmm, let's see I should….”

 

Whoa. Now I know how Duo feels like when he runs into Hilde. Is it even physically possible to talk that fast?

 

“What kind of lungs do you women have?” he grumbled, “It's just not right for you people to talk so fast…” the woman looked up at him and quirked a brow.

 

“Huh, that's different,” she said, “for a moment there I could have sworn you just said something slightly humorous.”

 

“Oh, right, you must clearly be delusional since it is obviously impossible for me to posses any kind of real personality since I must of course be completely devoid of any kind of personable traits and resemble an automaton in demeanor.” Heero growled, “You must simply be hallucinating if you thought- eh?”

 

Heero stopped talking and warily eyed the bent over, convulsing Trainer. “Um…”

 

“Okay, now I know I'm not dreaming.” She said as she sat up, revealing that she was laughing. “There's no possible way I would have dreamt of you talking like that or saying those things. You're funny, you know that? And weren't you just complaining about other people talking fast?”

 

Heero chose to ignore the latter statement, “I'm not funny, I'm cranky! Now would you just… go away or something? You're not going to catch me are you?”

 

“Catch you?” she asked, “Why would I do that? How would I do that?”

 

“Well you're a Trainer, and I'm a free Bish- Not that I'm available! And-“

 

“Well, if you so clearly don't want to be caught, however the heck you do that, then I'm not going to. But I'm not going to leave since you clearly need help and I'm obligated to do what I can. Now, I think that if I…”

 

The denim-clad Pilot Bish blinked. And blinked again. And then blinked a few more times. But it didn't help, the person before him was still locked deep in thought of how to assist him and was not trying to find a way to catch him. This sight and concept was in direct opposition of everything he'd ever been taught about Trainers. His youth had been filled with horror tales of how Trainers stole unwilling Bish away from their homes and families and proceed to torture them. But this woman… wasn't…. going… to do that? Code lines in conflict… can not compute… division by zero…warning, system failure imminent…

~*~*~

Armina struggled to think of a way to help the person in front of her and was making very hard work of it. Her mind kept running up against the wall that was the fact that she was trying to help someone who should not exist outside of a television screen or off of a sheet of paper. How could someone who was supposed to be completely fictional be sitting before her in warm-bodied, flesh-and-blood with a broken leg? It didn't make sense. Her mind couldn't compute it.

 

Ah, get over it. A hundred years ago a thing like television or a computer was utterly impossible. Why not a computer link that transports people into another dimension where people from programs on said TV are real? That makes just as much sense as a small bipedal animal with no fangs or claws, but a big brain taking over the entire world, right? Or those bipedal animals going into space and landing on the moon, right? So you don't know how it was done, you don't know the physics behind that moon walk either, do you Ms. Logic Center?

 

`Ms. Logic Center' grumbled and conceded temporary defeat and left Armina to contemplate how to help Heero, and now that she didn't have to argue with her own brain, an idea swiftly emerged.

 

“Can you set you own leg like you did in the series?” She asked. Heero blinked at her with a slightly glazed over look then shock his head slightly. Poor guy, must be partly stunned. I did land on him awfully hard.

 

“Uh, yeah. I can. Why?” He asked, cocking his head to the side to watch her cautiously. Armina ignored that.

 

“I'm going to help you splint your leg and then help you get to the nearest city so you can get professional help.” She explained.

 

“Um, why?”

 

“Why what?”

 

“Why are you helping me?”

 

It was Armina's turn to blink in confusion. “Why not? It's kinda my fault that you were hurt in the first place. I can't just leave you here to fend for yourself, it wouldn't be right. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go look for something to brace your leg with.” Armina picked herself up while shedding her backpack at the same time with practiced ease and walked off, leaving a baffled and confused Heero behind her. When she got a little ways out of sight, she paused for a moment, puzzled.

 

Where'd all this energy come from all of a sudden? Wasn't I, like, near-comatose a few minutes ago? Huh, I guess having something legitimately useful to do gives you an energy boost. Or is that an adrenaline rush? Meh, anyway, I have to help Heero. She continued her search for a couple of long sturdy sticks that didn't immediately crumble into dust when she applied pressure to them.

~*~*~

Heero stared after the baffling woman, his thoughts in chaos. Wait- how is- I don't- she's not- HUH?!?!? He slapped his face a little to try and clear his mind. How can she think that she's at fault for this? He glared at his leg. Well yeah, she fell on me, but how was she supposed to not fall on me? And why does she think she's now obligated to help me? I! Don't! GET! IT!

 

Trainers were not supposed to behave like this, they just didn't treat Bish like equals the way she was. Or so he'd been told. Huh, maybe that's it, the only thing I know about Trainers is what I was told when I was a Chibi. Didn't Kaa-san always threaten me with, `Be good or the Trainers will bet you'? I guess Trainers are just like everyone else, good, bad and indifferent. I guess she's one of the good ones.

 

That last thought butted heads with his ingrained prejudice that all Trainers were bad. Everyone back in his home village was absolutely convinced that Trainers were evil beings with no souls. Yeah, well everyone back home was convinced that Astro Boy Bish were extinct, and then we got that ambassador Bish from that territory with the new treaty. So how right are they, or how wrong?

 

Heero grabbed his thigh and began to manipulate his bone back in place. This effectively blocked him from thinking about anything except how much it hurt. When he was done and had chased the pain sparks from his vision he scooted back to lean against a nearby tree. Whether I decide to trust her or not is a mote point, he decided, I can't get anywhere with any kind of speed, not with this leg. And I'm not entirely certain where I am in relation to any city, Bish or Trainer. I'm going to have to trust her.

 

The self admittance that he was currently helpless left a bad taste in his mouth, but it was an unavoidable fact. Just as he came to that conclusion, the strange woman reappeared.

 

“I got the sticks.” She said.

 

“Great, sticks, just what I always wanted.” Heero growled, pissed off with the entire situation and illogically taking it out on her.

 

“You know, I can not help you.” She growled back, “I'd like to see how far you can walk on that leg.”

 

Heero winced, since he had just been thinking about how he was helpless and was in need of her aid. But he still couldn't bring himself to apologize to a Trainer. But she ignored that and walked up to him and looked at his leg thoughtfully.

 

“What are you planning on doing?” he asked in as neutral a tone as possible. She glanced up at him, her eyes as neutral as his tone.

 

“This,” she replied. She set the sticks on either side of his leg and fished a satin cord-hung pendant out from under her shirt (Heero made a quizzical noise in his throat at that, but she ignored him). Next she located a pair of scissors in her backpack, cut the cord, removed the pendant and wrapped the cord around his leg, binding the sticks to his thigh and thus keeping his bone braced.

 

“Not bad,” Heero admitted reluctantly. She had tied the sticks on in such a way as to immobilize his knee which would prevent him from inadvertently unsetting his leg. “Are you a medic by any chance.”

 

“Nope,” she said ruefully, “I just like biology and figuring out how the body works.” She frowned down at his leg, “I'm not certain that's gonna hold. Hmm…”

 

She thought for a moment, then dove down at her shoes, unlacing one and then using the lace to reinforce the brace. “There, that out to do it.” She declared while unlacing her other shoe.

 

“Uh, what are you…” Heero asked, puzzled by her behavior.

 

“I can't very well go walking around with one tied shoe and one unlaced one now can I?”

 

“Understood, but how is unlacing your other one going to help?” He asked. He was beginning to wonder about her sanity.

 

“Unlacing it won't help, but doing this will.” She replied, looking up at him in amusement. She neatly folded the second lace in half, snipped the fold and laced up the tops of her shoes with the halved lace. “Loose,” she declared, standing and testing them, “but it'll do. Now, we need to get you to a hospital. That splint will work for now, but you need professional help. Is there a city near here that I can get you to?”

 

Heero gaped up at her, feeling like he'd been hit by a freight-train. This person wasn't a Trainer, she was a force of nature! He shook his head in bewilderment.

 

“What?”

 

“You- you are nothing like what I was told about Trainers. Female Trainers are supposed to do nothing and boss their Bishonen around, demanding that they do everything for them.”

 

“Right,” she snorted, “act the helpless damsel in distress, correct. Well, in case you haven't noticed, I'm no cute damsel that gets males falling over themselves to help me and I don't believe in being helpless unless nothing I've tried works. Now about that hospital holding city I need to get you to…”

 

“Um,” He said, once again feeling bewildered by the way this person was acting, “there's a road that way,” he pointed, “I avoided it to avoid getting caught, but if you head down it you'll probably reach a Trainer village, ah…” He looked at her questioningly, just now realizing that he was forced to entrust his well-being to this woman and he didn't even know her name.

 

“Oh, I haven't introduced myself, have I? I'm Armina.” She said, holding her hand down for Heero. He reluctantly grabbed her hand for the obligatory shake, and found himself being hauled to his feet. She was stronger than she looked, not that she looked strong at all, but…

 

“And I'm Heero, as you've probably guessed.” He admitted as he permitted himself to be braced by her shoulder. She leaned quickly to scoop up her backpack.

 

“What, no nickname?” She asked teasingly.

 

“Yes, but you're not allowed to know it!” He snapped.

 

“Fair, you're not allowed to know my nickname either.” She grimaced, “Now which way again to this Trainer village. And, Trainer village versus…” she asked with curiosity.

 

“Oh, Bish village,” He explained as he indicated the way, “Each type of Bish has their specific territory, but others types are permitted to come and go to the villages a bit. But no Trainers are even allowed in the territories, let alone the villages. Ever.”

 

“Oh-kay, so these types? Heero-types or Gundam Wing-types? And why aren't Trainers allowed in?”

 

“Ah, series types, not character types. And Trainers aren't allowed in because they'd probably sneak into people's houses to capture them and their Chibis, their kids, at night.”

 

“Reasonable enou- Wait! People can capture your kids?!?” She stared at him aghast as they reached the road. He looked over at her in confusion.

 

“Don't tell me you wouldn't want a Chibi.” He stated. It was common knowledge that all female Trainers went nuts over Chibi's, and a few male Trainers as well. But once again, she defied common knowledge.

 

“Chibi's are little kid's right?” she asked with grimace, “Ugh, no thank you. I have zero maternal instinct and a very short tolerance for kids. And babies!” she stuck out her tongue, “I know it sounds heretical, but I hate babies! Whiny, noisy demanding, smelly and disgusting! Nope, nu-uh, I don't want kids- are you alright?”

 

It was Heero's turn to convulse in laughter. Armina set him down carefully, unable to support his full weight by herself. She watched him with concern as she knelt down in front of him.

 

“Alright, alright, I give!” he laughed, making her cock her head to the side in total confusion. “You are not the stereotypical female Trainer, I have to admit that.”

 

She grinned at him, propping her chin in her hand “And I'm guessing you're not the stereotypical Heero, right? And since when have stereotypes ever been right?”

 

“Nearly never,” he confessed, “and I shouldn't have immediately assumed you would be like the stereotypes. Gomen.”

 

“Well, if what you said is right, then other Trainers catch you guys and steal your kids on a regular basis. Only right for you to be cautious.” She moved beside him and draped his arm over her shoulders so she could haul him to his feet again. “Interesting that you should mention stereotypes though, I've never liked them.”

 

Uh-oh, why do I feel a rant coming?

 

“If I was the way I'm stereotypically am supposed to be I'd be a pink-loving, whiny, prissy little Barbie-ified- Um, Heero?”

 

She'd gotten him again, “So in other words-“ He gasped between laughs, “-You'd be just like the Relenas. Glad you defy stereotypes.”

 

“She wouldn't be too helpful in a situation like this, would she?” She asked with a lop-sided grin.

 

“Oh, she'd be helpful alright,” he grimaced, “Just not in a way I'd appreciate.” That sent her into sniggers, much to Heero's mild disgust.

 

“I'm guessing you don't like Relena?”

 

“Ancestors! No!”

 

“Good, glad we can agree on something.” She said with a satisfied nod.

 

“Like being deviants as well?”

 

“Definitely, why the hell should I change who I am just so I fit into someone else's narrow perception of the way I should be? If they don't like who I am, they can just go hang themselves. I got enough friends to prove that there's nothing wrong with me being who I really am.”

 

“I fear I have to agree with you on not wanting to change yourself, although why you have friends…” he sighed in mock pity, “Those poor, poor people- ouch!” `Mina smacked Heero lightly in the shoulder.

 

“Enough of that you, want me to dump you in the road for some Trainer to get?” She scolded teasingly.

 

“No thanks, I'll behave.” He replied, “Maybe- ouch!”

 

“What did you just say about behaving? Please do so, I'd feel illogically guilty over leaving you behind. I sometimes wonder about my conscience… Oh, looks like we here.” The two travelers reached the crest of a small hill that had hidden the city from view. It was rather large, far large than the tiny little village that Heero had grown up in.

 

“Not too bad in size, is it?” Armina commented casually (city girl).

 

“#ulp# Yeah, uh, pretty good, um, size…” Heero responded nervously (country boy).

 

“You okay, aside from the leg?” She asked in concern.

 

“Huh? Uh, yeah,” Heero responded, “It's, uh, there's a lot of Trainers in there, and, um, I, uh….”

 

“Don't want to be caught, right?” She finished for him, “Don't worry, even if I have to sit by your bedside twenty-four/seven, I'll make sure you don't get caught. It's my fault you're here, and I'll be damned if I'll let something bad happen to you because of it!”

 

Heero stared at her, once again caught by surprise. Here he was, just outside a huge Trainer village, in the company of a new Trainer, with a broken leg and the new Trainer was beginning to sound like some kind of crazy Amazon. This was not how his first day out of his hometown was supposed to be like! What the hell had he gotten himself into?!

~*~*~

A.S.: WOOT! First chapter total revamp: Complete!! Whoo-hoo!

Heero: I must say, this is vaguely superior to the previous one. It shouldn't scare off quite so many people as the other one did. Still sucks though.

A.S.: #chucks mallet-sama at Heero# Well, he did bring up a good point, however crudely phrased. I was lookin' at the story stats the other day and noticed that a hell of a lot of people hit the first chapter, but didn't bother going on to the second. And considering how rough and nonsensical-

Heero: like this one makes more sense #ducks flying mallet#

A.S.: -the original one was, I don't blame them. Hopefully I'll keep more readers hooked this way. Tell me what you think, and if you think other chapters need revamping the way this one did. Ja ne!

Heero: And we'll probably never see you again. OW! Enough with the mallets! Dammit Skitty!