Naruto Fan Fiction / Gundam Wing Fan Fiction ❯ Since When Do Heeros Have a Sense of Humor? ❯ Why Did We Go to the Mall Again? ( Chapter 7 )

[ T - Teen: Not suitable for readers under 13 ]

7
Disclaimer: I do not own any of these characters (except for Armina) but I often pretend to. Bow To Me, the great owner of all fictional characters ever created! Bwahahahahahahahahahaha! Ha
Armina, Heero and Kiba stopped walking and stared. Up. And up. And up some more.

“Oh. My. Dear. God.” ‘Mina said slowly, “I didn’t think malls came this big.”

“Oh really?” Heero squeaked. Yes squeaked. He had a reason to. Most malls come in two to three stories, with the occasional five-story mall in mega-metropolis areas. This mall towered up twenty stories. Maybe. Kiba got dizzy with the implications after he counted fifteen stories, and the thing kept rising.

“I don’t want to think about the number of people in that thing.” He growled, noticing that Heero became distinctly pale after he said that. The wolf couldn’t help but feel a little sorry for his fellow Bish, but he was still glad for the distraction. Nerves had been distinctly tight that morning. Heero felt bad for upsetting ‘Mina the night before, and ‘Mina felt bad for actually giving Heero an order, as if he were a slave. She had apologized for that over breakfast, but if anything it had made Heero even more upset. He had confessed that he’d been irrational that evening and that ‘Mina had had a right to order him to be sensible, but ‘Mina argued that nobody had a right to order anyone around unless they were in the military or something. And so on and so forth they argued, Kiba thought. So yes, the towering shrine to yen coins and credit cards was a very welcome distraction.

“Oh sweet Baby Jesus, Mother Mary and Joseph, is that thing huge!” Came a familiar voice behind them.

“Hey Virg.” ‘Mina said as the first three turned to greet the new four. Yusuke and Ranma were gaping in shock while Sasuke looked like he wanted to hide in his Bish-ball. Virgil wasn’t looking too brave himself.

“You’re making me go in there why again?” The other Trainer asked. ‘Mina and her Bish looked Virgil over. It was clear he was wearing his best clothes, or better then yesterday’s at least. Kiba had a feeling that ‘Mina would only use clothes that tattered for grubby chores.

“She’s making you go in there so she won’t be disgraced to be seen with you.” Came another familiar voice.

“Hey Lina.” ‘Mina said to the only other female that was taking the crowd of seven males shopping. “Alright, the gang’s all here.”

“Yeah, unfortunately.” Said Virgil. He was ignored.

“So what’s the plan again?” Ranma groaned.

“It’s currently eleven o’clock. We scout the place until twelve, have lunch, then spend the rest of the day making sure that you four don’t wear the same outfit twice in one week.” Lina said, rubbing her hands and chuckling manically.

“Okay, it’s official,” Yusuke said, “We are so doomed.” ‘Mina and Lina exchanged glances and conspiratorial grins.

“And why are we the only ones being tortured with clothes.” Sasuke asked cynically.

“Oh, don’t worry, you’re not. Heero’s getting a new wardrobe as well. Muhuhuhuhuh.” ‘Mina chuckled evilly while Heero groaned.

“And they also have pet shops with dog clothes!” Lina added helpfully. Kiba aimed a glare at her, then aimed another at ‘Mina.

“If you dress me in Fu-Fu clothes, I swear I don’t care if you are my Trainer, I will bite you.” Kiba growled warningly, then stalked towards the entrance.

“Black leather bicker jackets.” Lina said in an undertone. Kiba froze with one paw still elevated.

“Kiba!” Heero cried, “Kiba, don’t! Don’t consider it!”

“Kiba, don’t go there! Don’t go to the Dark Side!” Ranma and Yusuke cried in unison.

“Well,” Kiba said in a reflective tone, ignoring the other Bishonen, “it’s not going to be summer forever and fur doesn’t keep the rain off. I might need to get a jacket, for winter of course.”

“Of course,” ‘Mina said, grinning

“Noooooo!!!!” Ranma, Yusuke and Heero cried.
The mall had been scouted, lunch had been eaten and the clothing quota had actually been met, much to the shock of the entire group, sans Uh-Mu. Now they were shopping for fun, although Virgil would die before admitting that shopping could be fun. They were heading back to a female clothing store for Mina and Lina when ‘Mina suddenly realized that she was walking with only Kiba and Uh-Mu. She turned around and saw Heero, Lina, Ranma, Sasuke, Virgil and Yusuke all staring in a window and drooling.

“Uh, guys? We were still heading this way, weren’t we?” ‘Mina asked. There was no response. She exchanged glances with Kiba and walked back. “Uh guys?” Still no response. She walked up to Heero. “Heero, we were walking…?”

“Look ‘Mina! Sharp, pointy objects! Sharp, pointy, shiny objects!” Heero said pointing in the window. There was a multitude of knives, short swords and other weapons of destruction displayed behind the huge window.

“Yes, knives, great. We were going?” ‘Mina said, again. That’s when Heero used a dirty tactic. He gave ‘Mina the Sad Puppy Face. Heero had a very, very good Sad Puppy Face, probably because you didn’t expect a Heero to use a Sad Puppy Face.

“Can I get one? Please?” He whimpered. ‘Mina face-faulted and sweat-dropped. Heero pressed his advantage. “Please? Please, please, please, puh-lease?” ‘Mina’s sweat-drop grew.

“Okay, fine.” ‘Mina said, giving in, “You stay here and pick out whatever you want. You deserve a present anyway for all the work you did yesterday. I’m going to grab Lina and get some clothes for me an‘ her. I’ll be back.” Grabbing Lina, however, was easier said then done. Lina liked sharp, pointy objects as well, the sharper and pointier the better. It took all of ‘Mina’s wheedling to convince Lina that the pointy objects were still going to be there when the clothes had been bought and that she could come back later! Virgil and his Bishonen had been oblivious to all of this, they had been too busy drooling over a Muramasa sword.
“I really think you should get this mauve dress. It is so you!” The Nuriko sales ‘wo’man squealed. ‘Mina gagged and Lina sweat dropped.

“I said this before, No. Dresses!” ’Mina growled, “ ‘No dresses’ means NO DRESSES!!!”

“And most especially no pink!” Lina growled. Nuriko frowned in disapproval.

“It’s not pink, it’s mauve.” The transgender sales person brightened suddenly. “But if you want pink we have this lovely-“

“AAARRRGGGG!!!!!” Lina said. ‘Mina agreed.

“‘Riko, leave the people be, they obviously don’t appreciate your help.” The Trainer behind the sales desk said wearily. Nuriko pouted with a vengeance and rushed up to the woman who was obviously ‘her’ Trainer.

“But! Butbutbutbutbut!”

‘Mina rubbed her aching head and looked down to a half bored, half terrified Kiba who was looking back up at her, whinning.

“Kiba, could you do me a favor?” She asked.

“If it involves leaving this scary place, yes defiantly.” He replied.

“It does. Could you go and tell Heero that Lina and I will be a while yet. I don’t want him to worry.”

“You actually think that he’s thinking about anything but sharp, pointy, shiny objects and that you’re going to buy him one?”

“I can dream, can’t I? Could you deliver the message in his general vicinity and hope that he actually notices that you’re there and that you were talking to him, at least?”

“Can do, will do, leaving now.” Kiba said and trotted off quickly, tail flagged.

“Thanks” ‘Mina said to his retreating back, wishing that she could do the same as Nuriko came back with reinforcements in the shape of Usagi, both bearing pink dresses. I just had to decide that I needed clothes too, didn’t I? What the hell was I thinking, I hate clothes’ shopping for me!
Kiba, in the mean time, was very happy to have left that scary place. He had actually enjoyed all of the proceedings, being in wolf shape meant he didn’t need clothes the way the others did, so he hadn’t been tortured with the rest. Helping to jam a shirt on a struggling, cursing Yusuke/Sasuke/Ranma and/or Virgil had been vastly amusing. Heero is too well ‘trained’ at this point to actually argue with ‘Mina, but that doesn’t mean he can’t complain with the best of them. Kiba thought with a lupine smirk. Still, I shouldn’t get too smug, I don’t know how ‘enthusiastic’ ‘Mina and Lina will get when it’s my turn to get my jacket. Revenge on the parts of the others could be quite… entertaining. For them.

Kiba shook vigorously to clear his mind and entered the weapons’ shop that he’d quickly reached. Heero was currently drooling over a belt full of small, wicked-looking, throwing knives.

“Heero, ‘Mina asked me to tel- are you listening?” No response, “Heero?” silence, “Earth calling Heero, come in Heero.” Nothing, “Heero, last warning, going out to Heero, I will bite you, you’ve been warned.” Zilch.
##CHOMP!!##

“ITAI!!!” Heero finally responded. Kiba looked up at the prancing Heero in exasperation, his mouth full of fabric torn from the seat of Heero’s pants. Through all of this, Virgil and his Bishonen remained oblivious, still drooling over the Muramasa sword.

“Kiba! What the hell was that for?!?” Heero said, his hands still holding his stinging rump. Kiba discreetly spat out what had been part of Heero’s pants.

“I’ve been here for the last two minutes trying to get your attention. I warned you I would bite you if you didn’t respond.” Kiba said in total monotone.

“He did warn you properly.” Said the man behind the sales desk. Heero transferred his Glare-O’-Death ™ to the sales clerk, who ducked.

“grrr… Well what do you want?”

“’Mina told me to tell you that, due to, very, scary sales associates, she’ll be a little later then she thought she’d be. She didn’t want to you to worry, although I told her you’d still be in LaLa Land over your sharp pointy objects.” Kiba relayed, “I was right.”

“Rrrrr” Heero growled again. Then he checked the watch that ‘Mina had bought for him earlier in the day. “I think we’d better fetch her.”

“I think you’d better change your pants.” Kiba said, “You’re attracting attention.”

“And who’s fault is tha- uh-oh.” Heero’s Relena-dar (Relena-sensing-radar) suddenly kicked into high gear and just in time. Heero was standing just outside the Weapons’ shop doorway (he and Kiba had moved a little as they had talked) facing the opposite side of the mall hall. From either side of the hall came two Relena’s, their Heero-dar (Heero-sensing-radar) narrowing in on the position of a Heero in a compromising situation (i.e. having a hole in the seat of his pants). Heero didn’t waste any time, with a yelp he bolted. Three more Relena’s joined in the chase before Heero left Kiba’s sight, crying ‘Heeeeeeeeeee-rooooooooooo‘ all the way. Kiba was flopped on his side at this point, laughing so hard he nearly choked a couple of time.

“I guess I- #snigger# -I better tell- #chortle# -better tell ‘Mina that- #giggle# -that Heero’s going to be delayed.” Kiba said to himself after he regained some of his composer. He got up and checked the traffic for a clear path.

“Jean-Claude.” Came a childish voice directly behind him, causing him to jump. Behind him was a young Bishoujo with overly poofy curls in a cutsy dress making does-eyes at him. “Jean-Claude, soooo cute! Come with Azusa now, Jean-Claude.”

Kiba inched away from the increasingly scary Bishoujo, “My name is Kiba and I need to go to my Trainer now. I’m sure your Trainer is looking for you, so why don’t you- ack!” The Bishoujo had lunged and placed a strangle hold- er- hug around Kiba’s neck.

“Jean-Claude belongs to Azusa now!” She squealed, “Come along now Jean-Claude!”

“My name is- #gasp# -Kiba and I- #choke# -am going to my- #strangle# -Trainer now! Leggo!!” Kiba wriggled out of Azusa’s grip with a yip and a growl, and tore off in the opposite direction Heero had taken earlier, Azusa in hot pursuit, calling for her Jean-Claude. Before Kiba was completely out of sight, the store clerk noticed two more Azusa’s had joined in the hunt. Virgil and his Bishonen were still oblivious to their surroundings. Until….

“Ranma Satome, you Baka!!”

“Sasuke-Kun!! #squeal#.”

“No! Sasuke-kun’s mine, Forehead-girl!!”

“Yusuke-no-baka!!”
< br> “So how much will that be?” ‘Mina asked the sales clerk politely, pointedly ignoring the three sobbing Bish standing next to their Trainer. Unable to bully ‘Mina into doing their will, Nuriko and Usagi had recruited Dorothy to their effort. That would have worked had Dorothy not been convinced that gold, not pink, was the best color of all. The three had fallen to infighting, the strong-willed Dorothy holding her own well against the equally strong-willed Nuriko who was handy-capped by the vapor-brained Usagi. Lina had nearly solved the problem of all the noise with a Dragon-Slave when the sales clerk/Trainer had threatened to never bring them, her Bish, to the mall with her ever again if the three didn’t shut the hell up!

So yeah, ‘Mina liked the sales clerk and was very willing to be polite to her.

“Here’s your receipt. I hope to see you again. Have a nice day!” the clerk said with a bow. And bonked her head on the desk as she did.

“Do you have a Blue Seed Momiji as well?” Lina asked, sweat dropping with the rest in the store. She’d already bought her clothes and was putting them away in a Capsule Wardrobe.

“Yeah, how’d you know?” the clerk asked, rubbing her forehead.

“Call it a hunch.” ‘Mina said as she mimicked Lina by stowing her clothes away. “Let’s hurry up and get to that weapons’ shop.” She then said to Lina, “Kiba hasn’t come back yet and I’m getting this bad feeling…”

“Kiba’s probably just staying with Heero so he doesn’t have to come back here and you’re probably just hungry.” Lina said.

“Aren’t you the one who’s always hungry?”

“Well, duh. Girl’s gotta eat, doesn’t she?”

“Yeah, but only two hours after lunch?”

“Two hours?” Lina gasped, “I’m over-due! Hurry, we gotta get the others and get food before I waste away!” ‘Mina staggered on her way to the entrance and sweat-dropped heavily.

“You’ll be fine, I swea- what’s that noise?” A low rumble could be heard over the constant noise of a crowd that was heard in any busy mall.

“Dunno, but it’s getting louder.” Lina was right, the noise was getting louder. And more noticeable as well as people in the crowd hushed to listen as they noticed the rumble. Finally a disturbance was noticed at the far end of the hallway. It came closer and voices could be heard. Distant ‘HEEEEEE-RRROOOOOO’s’ and shrill ‘JEAN-CLAAAUUUDE’s’ emanated from the disturbance.

“Uh-oh.” ‘Mina said.

“You know that bad feeling you mentioned earlier?” Lina commented.

“You got it too now?”

“Uh-huh.” The disturbance came closer still and more quickly. The two girls could finally see what it was, a vast herd of two different types of Bishoujo. In front, two little figures could be seen. They spotted ‘Mina at the same time she spotted them.

“’MINA!!” Heero and Kiba cried out in unison. “Save Us!”

‘Mina’s eyes bugged out as her mind raced. How could she save her two Bish from the herd of Relena’s and Azusa’s without getting killed herself? She hastily reached into her pocket and pulled out her two used Bish Balls. She raised them, one ball to a hand.

“Return!” Heero and Kiba ( who were only a few yards away by this point) leapt up and vanished into their respective ball’s in mid-air. The problem of saving her Bishonen was now solved.

But ‘Mina had a new problem now, how to save herself from the irate Bishoujo! The herd was still charging forward, but the hearts and stars that had been in the girls eyes were replaced by angry flames. ‘Mina backpedaled hastily away from the rapidly advancing herd, and ran into Uh-Mu. Lina could almost see the light bulb switch on over her friend’s head.

“Uh-Mu! Save me!” ‘Mina cried out. Uh-Mu looked down at the frightened girl beside him, then out at the raving herd of girls, then gently scooped up the girl, and Lina, and placed them both on his shoulder with the oft-forgotten Mini-Lina. The raging herd still advanced, up to a yard away from the giant. When they got within that yard, Uh-Mu leaned over, glared, and went “rrRRRRRRRRRRRRRRrrrrrrrrrr!”

The herd of Azusa’s and Relena’s stopped, mid-stride and mid-cry. Silence reigned for a good twenty seconds, then:

“WAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! SCARY!!!!!!!!!!!” The Relena’s and Azusa’s turned tail and ran. Right over the Trainers that had been attempting to retrieve their respective Bishoujo’s.

“Well, that takes care of that!” Lina chortled.

“Yeah, it does, but now I’m worried about Virgil.” ‘Mina said, “Thanks Uh-Mu, you saved me!” She then said, hugging Uh-Mu’s giant, grotesque head. The giant grinned stupidly and chuckled slightly at the praise.

“Yeah, you did good, big guy.” Lina said, patting Uh-Mu on top of his head (even though she was on his shoulder, she still had to stretch to accomplish the maneuver), “But why are you worried about Virgil?” she then asked ‘Mina.

“Lina, who are his Bishonen?” ‘Mina asked back. Lina’s eyes widened in sudden understanding.

“Oh”

“Right, I think we should find him pronto.”

“Okay. Uh-Mu! To the weapons store!” Lina order her ‘Trainer’. The giant lumbered off. “No, not that way! To the left! No, your other left! Baka!!”
When ‘Mina and Lina finally got to the weapons’ store it was empty of all customers and the sales clerk was still hiding behind sandbags, wearing his flack jacket and pith helmet.

“Uh, ‘scuse me?” Lina asked hesitantly. A pair of eyes peeked out over the sandbags and under the helmet.

“Can I help you?” came a tinny, frightened voice.

“Yeah. You can set me down now Uh-Mu.” ‘Mina said. Uh-Mu lowered the arm upon who’s shoulder ‘Mina sat. ‘Mina slid down carefully and approached the sales desk. The eyes peeked out a little more. “There was a Trainer with three Bishonen, a Ranma, a Yusuke and a Sasuke, in here earlier. Would you happen to know which direction they went in?”

“Out, followed by more scary women then I care to contemplate. I thought the Azusa’s were bad…” the eyes shuddered and sank a bit more. The ball that held Kiba shuddered as well at the sound of Azusa’s name (‘Mina had finally given in and got a Bish Belt).

“In which direction, out?” Lina asked, sliding down Uh-Mu’s other arm.

“In both directions,” The eyes said, “The Trainer was able to Ball two of his Bish, but not the third and they were chased in opposite directions. I think the loose Bish was the Ranma, but I had Ducked ’n’ Covered by that time so I didn’t see.”

“Alrighty,” ‘Mina sighed, “thank you, you actually have been a help.” She said, trying to put as much sincerity as she could in her voice. The eyes mumbled something then sank back out of sight. ‘Mina turned to Lina. “Let’s split up, you and Uh-Mu go north and I’ll go south.”

“I agree with splitting up, but I think you should take Uh-Mu, I can take care of myself.”

“With massive amounts of property damage involved.” ‘Mina pointed out, causing Lina to wince, “No, I’ll be fine. If anything happens, I’ll scream ‘Pervert!’ and get rescued by all the Bishoujo in the vicinity.”

“Heh, that’s actually a good plan. You’ll get all the hero, not Heero, types of Bishonen to rescue you as well.”

“and what makes you think I wouldn’t save her as well.” A tinny voice growled out of Heero’s Bish Ball. Lina and ‘Mina blinked at each other then stared down at the Ball on ‘Mina’s belt.

“You heard all that?!?” the two girls chorused. There was a pause, then:

“You heard me?!?!”

“They can hear us out there?” ‘Mina hastily grabbed the two Bish Balls and let her boys out. Heero stretched and Kiba shook with much enthusiasm, then stared at the two girls.

“So, not only can we hear you when we’re in the Ball’s (gods that sounds wrong) but you can hear us? Am I right on this?” Heero said.

“That’s about accurate (and I agree the Ball’s sounds wrong). I had no idea you could hear surrounding conversations when you were in there.” Lina said.

“You didn’t?” ‘Mina asked, “But haven’t you…”

“I haven’t been in a Bish Ball since I was captured to be given to Uh-Mu.” Lina said.

“Given?” Kiba asked, “No, wait, never mind, stupid question.”

“Indeed. Now, I think we should be going, Virgil’s going to need rescuing.” ‘Mina said firmly. Then she held up a the Bish Ball’s (there’s got to be a better name). “You guys wanna hide or are you okay?” Kiba and Heero exchanged glances.

“If that- that freakish female shows up again I’m hiding-”

“Ditto if there’s a Relena.”

“-but until then we’re fine.”

“Okay, then shall we go?” ‘Mina said. She then looked at Heero as he preceded her out of the shop. “Heero, what happened to your pants?!”

#### Thirty Minutes Later ####

“Ano… can we sit for a bit now?” Heero said, unable to keep the whine from his voice.

“Yeah, can we? Please?” Begged Kiba, also unable to keep from whining.

“Sounds like a good idea to me.” ‘Mina said, flopping down on a bench in the middle of the mall hall. Heero flopped down next to her on one side while Kiba jumped up to lay down on the other side, putting his head in her lap begging for scritches. Since ‘Mina was well trained from having pets literally all her life, she absently complied with the silent begging.

“I had no idea it would be this hard to find one guy that’s probably being chased by over a hundred psycho females.” She said tiredly. Heero ‘hnn’d’ beside her, staring out at the passing crowd with half-glazed eyes. Just then a Kenshin, a Tasuki and a Kurama ran in front of them as if their lives depended on it, being chased by a short-haired, slightly over-weight girl. The girl was squealing “Red-Heads!!!!” and was being chased in turn by two irate Trainers who were being trailed after by a Hiei, a Chichiri, a Sanosuke and a Heero, the latter three calling “Anya, wait up! (no da)” while the former was calling “Kimiko, let ‘em fend for themselves”. Hee-kun, ‘Mina and Kiba all stared and blinked.

“Umm…” Heero said as the small crowd raced past. Then, coming from the other direction…

“Illampazo-sama!!!!” screamed an Excell in hot pursuit of a panicked-looking Bishonen that seemed to be trying to keep his dignity in spite of everything. Trailing after him were two Trainers, male and female.

“Get your ill-trained freak of a Bishoujo away from my Illampazo!!” the female yelled at the male.

“I’m trying! Honestly!!” the exasperated-looking male Trainer yelled back. Behind them were two other Bishonen.

“We could have had a normal Trainer! We could even be free right now! But noooo, you had to be such a stupid idiot-” one of the Bish said.

“But! Brother!” the other said back. Then they too ran out of sight.

“Errr….” Kiba said. It wasn’t over yet.

“EARS!!!!!” came a too-happy, shrill cry from the first direction. A Youko Kurama, a Legolas, a Shippou, an Inuyasha, a Piccolo, and a Shin were being pursued by a psyco blonde. Pointy or dog-like ears seemed to be the object of her obsession. ‘Mina calmly placed her hands over a nervous Kiba’s ears to hide them as the crazy girl passed by. Then came the Trainers.

“Get away from my Inuyasha and Shippo-chan you freak!” Screamed the girl being trailed by a Miroku.

“Get away from my Legolas, Piccolo and Shin!!!” Screamed the other girl.

“Huh,” ’Mina said after the latest group passed, “I wonder if that Youko Kurama is free.” She removed her hands from Kiba’s ears. “He’s even hotter then I thought he’d be.” Heero and Kiba looked at her. “What?”

“DEE!!!” The trio swung their heads around to the second direction at the new cry.

“DEE, My Love!!!” Coming from that direction came a single Bishonen, who was sobbing, being chased by two Trainers who were trailed by a second Bishonen.

“No!! Dee is my love!” the second Trainer yelled at the first, “He is my Dee, my own personal Dee, therefore he is my love!! Not yours!!”

“Why me!?!” Sobbed the pursued Dee.

“That’s my question.” Said the trailing Bish, a bedraggled looking-Valgavv.

“Why?! Ryo!! Save me, Ryo!!” Dee yelled as he ran out of sight.

“Not here, don’t know him, not here.” came a chant from the other side of the bench. The trio blinked at each other, then looked over the other side to the hiding Bish.

“Hello, ah, Randy.” ‘Mina said, using Ryo’s other name.

“Uh, hi. Thank you for your discretion.” The Bish said from were he was cowering beneath the bench.

“I swear, if I gotta put up with-” a new voice said. Ryo-Randy brightened at the sound. The trio looked up to see a new Trainer. “Ryo, get your butt over here. We’re leaving. And yes, you can hide.” she answered the question that Ryo had been just about to ask. The Bish snapped his mouth shut and dove into his Bish Ball. “Come on guys.” the new Trainer said, jerk on her Ryoga’s leash. That’s a good idea, even if he looks like he’s in pain from his dying dignity. “No Ryu, you may not get another bokken, and Kanryu, stop complaining about the money I spent. I have enough fraying my nerves without you complaining, what with all the pursuits. And that horde-”

“Pardon me, but could you describe ‘that horde’, please?” ‘Mina asked suddenly.

“Eh, sure but why?” The stranger Trainer said, surprised.

“I’m looking for a friend and his Bish are a Ranma, Sasuke and Yusuke.” ‘Mina answered.

“That’s him in that horde then, ‘cause it’s all Ranmaverse™ fiancés, Keiko’s, Sakura’s and Ino’s. They chased him up a pillar last I saw.”

“We spend a half hour looking all over for him in vain, then we sit for five minutes and we find him.” Heero grumbled.

“Life’s funny that way,” ‘Mina agreed, “Could you point us in the direction, please?” She asked.

“Sure, down that way to the inner plaza.” The Kanryu said pointing

“Arigato! Come on guys!”

“Good luck!” The Wooden-sword Ryu called.

Being told that Virgil had been chased up a pillar had given ‘Mina a rough estimate as to the horde’s size, for Virgil was no coward to be frightened by a few girls. ‘Mina’s guess was off, she had underestimated the intensity of the Bish-World’s craziness. She stared in shock at the vast sea of females, disbelieving. It wasn’t just the sheer size of the crowd, but also the Bishoujo’s in it. All of Ranma’s fiancés were there, plus a few extra’s, which didn’t surprise ‘Mina too much, know the Ranmaverse’s™ insanity as she did. Kiba whined and tried to hide behind ‘Mina’s legs upon spying an Azusa.

But the Bishoujo that surprised ‘Mina with their presence were the Botan’s and Yukina’s from Yu Yu Hakusho, and the Temari’s and TenTen’s from Naruto. The single Hinata, fighting fiercely with a Sakura and Ino, was a bigger shock.

“Ah, ah, uhmm….” ‘Mina whimpered.

“It’s okay ‘Mina, we don’t have to wade in there.” Heero said, rubbing her shoulder. Please don’t make us wade in there, of please, gods, I don’t want to do that, please! Heero thought with desperation.

“Pretty Girls Being Hurt!! Uh-Mu SMASH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

“Well, that solves that problem.” Kiba observed. The scene was thus; there was a large, decorative inner plaza, with three of the floors above the one they were presently on opening up to show a decorative lighting structure on the closed fourth floor. The three open floors had consecutively smaller openings, so that the third floor’s opening was half the size of the first one’s, with each balconied opening being supported by functional/decorative pillars. Virgil had clambered to the top of one leading to the second open floor. In spite of all the pillars, the plaza was very open, with a lot of floor space. This was a very good thing as Uh-Mu went on his rampage, complete with a flailing club.

Considering the conditions of Uh-Mu’s previous rampage, Armina hadn’t gotten a good look at the giant’s club. She had a good view now. Uh-Mu’s club was an eight-foot long, metal-wrapped log roughly the width of a telephone pole. The hand grip was thinner then the business end, and the business end was adorned with spikes. Three rows of foot long spikes to be exact, four to a row. At the end was a two foot long spike. These spikes were currently decorated with shredded skirts, shirts and a single bra. How these things weren’t blood covered ‘Mina didn’t know and didn’t want to contemplate.

But the flailing club and bellows of “Um-Mu Smash!” did the job. The sea of femininity cleared with astonishing speed. Once the crowd cleared, ‘Mina jogged up to the base of the pillar, Kiba and Heero in tow. Virgil slid down and collapsed at the base.

“Are you okay Virg?” ‘Mina asked in concern.

“C4,” came a soft murmur from the bowed head.

“Eh?” ‘Mina asked, cocking her head to the side.

“Grenade lauchers.. Bazookas… Where’s an Army Surplus?” Virgil said, head shooting up, “I need an M1-A1 tank and an Anti-Aircraft missile launcher! I’m going to blow up this mall and no one can stop me!! BWA-HAHAHAHAHAHAHAAH!!!”

“Oh, crap, he’s lost it.” Kiba muttered.

“Nah, he’s always like this after something unpleasant happens.” ‘Mina said as she riffled through her backpack, “Ah-ha, I thought I put this there.” She pulled something out of her backpack and smacked Virgil in the head with it. “Better?” she asked her friend.

“Uh, thanks, I needed that.” Virgil said, rubbing his head idly. “When did you get the tessen?” he asked, glaring at the large, thick paper fan.

“When I was shopping with Lina earlier, I had a feeling I’d need it.” It could be noticed that Heero and Kiba edged away from their Trainer after she said that.

“On a different note,” Lina said, walking towards the rest, “can we get the hell out of here now?!”

“Good idea.” ‘Mina said.

“I’ve had enough of shopping to last me, oh, the rest of the decade and then some.” Virgil griped.

“Hear, hear” Heero and Kiba chorused.

“Okay.” Lina said with a shrug.

### Outside the Mall’s Main Entrance###

“’Mina, if you never drag me in a mall ever again, it’ll be too soon.” Virgil said, glaring at the non-contrite ‘Mina.

“That was the most traumatizing thing I’ve ever gone through.” Yusuke said in a shaky voice.

“Really, Sasuke’s still twitching.” Ranma said, pointing to Sasuke who had a death-grip on Virgil’s arm (‘will you get off already?’ ‘nuh-uh’)

“How come you’re not?” Yusuke asked Ranma accusingly. Ranma just stared at his best friend. “Uh, right, stupid question.” All through this, Heero was mumbling and hemming under his breath.

“Oh! Shoot!” He said suddenly. “Uh, you can calm down now.” He said to Virgil and his Bish, all of whom had jumped and were now staring at Heero, gasping in panic.

“What is it Heero?” ‘Mina asked, ignoring her old friend’s antics.

“You never got me my present!” Heero said, “You promised you’d buy me sharp, pointy objects.”

“A sharp, pointy object, and your right, I did promise.”

“You promised I could get whatever I wanted and I want a belt of throwing knives.” Heero said, getting ready to sulk.

“Alright, alright, I’ll get that for yo-”

“Ah!” Kiba said suddenly. Virgil began to threaten the lives of both Sasuke and Yusuke, who were cutting off the circulation to his arms.

“Jumpy much?” Lina asked him as his language got creative.

“What is it Kiba?” ‘Mina asked her other Bish.

“I never got my jacket! I’m going to need that when the rains start!”

“Wait! I never hit a book store!” ‘Mina cried out, “I can’t enter a shopping center without hitting at least one book store, it’s just not right!” she looked at her two Bish and ignored all the other weird looks she was getting. “We’re going to have to go back in, we cannot leave these problems unsolved!” Her Bish nodded firmly and they turned as one to face the mall again. Everyone else including the Mini-Lina, but excluding Uh-Mu, became one with the floor, twitching.