Yu-Gi-Oh! Fan Fiction ❯ Yami Bakura: Advice Giver ❯ Yami Bakura gives great threats! ( Chapter 6 )

[ P - Pre-Teen ]

Hey ya, peoples! Sorry I haven't updated this in awhile. I've been busy doing... Stuff. I know in `Hiei in Animeland' (if you've read it) I said I would do a Christmas special for this, but I didn't get around to it. T_T I blame neither Yami Bakura, Ryou, nor Sami for this, I do blame myself for letting you guys down on promising a Christmas special, which never came. Anyway, I am making this chapter, so I hope you guys enjoy it!!

Me: Hello lovely co-workers!

Ryou: HI DANIELLE! -glomps me-

Yami Bakura: Hello.... Boss....

Ryou: HI BAKURA!! -glomps Yami Bakura-

Sami: Uh...

Ryou: HI SAMI!!!!!! -glomps Sami-

Yami Bakura: -_- Can I just get to the part where I `help' people?

Ryou: ;~; But.. -hands Yami Bakura a letter-

Dear Yami Bakura, I have this girl at school who constantly annoys me. I really need to get back at her with something that is non-life threatening and somewhat sneaky like so no one knows it was me. Have any ideas? From, Peach P.S.: Hugs, Kisses, and a big box of chocolate for Ryou, and a quite handy very sharp steel dagger (best used for stabbing someone in the back whenever convenient) for you are enclosed -

Yami Bakura: Interesting. -starts typing-

Dear Peach,

Thanks for the dagger, I can use this on some people I know...

Yami Bakura: -stops to stare at Ryou and Sami-

Ryou: T~T You'd kill me?! WAHHHHH!! -rocks back and forth hugging a shadow heartless plushie that conveniently appeared in his arms-

Sami: Now I have an excuse to play all those war games, I can survive anything you throw at me.

Yami Bakura: Really, could you now?

Sami: You don't scare me.

Yami Bakura: Not yet, you've only seen me on my best behavior. MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Me: -_-;;; Oh brother..

Yami Bakura: Where was I? Oh yeah! -continues to type-

Anyway, you want to know how to get back at her and not be violent, but be sneaky? Hmm.. But violence and sneakiness go hand-in-hand! Oh well... Hmm. You could go to her house in the middle of the night when she is asleep and shave her head, take pictures though. She might wear a wig or something, and deny that she was ever bald. OR if you decide you DO want to be violent, you could always go to her house with a chainsaw, then let your imagination sore, if you catch my drift. ^_~ - Your friend, Yami Bakura

P.S: If it happens you have the chainsaw that I mentioned earlier, I think my birthday is coming up soon!

Yami Bakura: -tear- I'm such a giver!

Me: Yeah.. Giver of pain..

Yami Bakura: WHAT WAS THAT?! WHY YOU!!! -takes out dagger Peach gave him-

Ryou: -eating the contents of the box of chocolate he got from Peach-

Me: Now, now, Yami Bakura, I could always fire you and hire another of the people who applied for the job.

Yami Bakura: WHAT?! You said I was the only one who fit the job description! And besides, if I get fired, you'd be letting down this poor little bundle. -holds up Ryou, who now has big brown puppy-dog eyes-

Sami: That's not fair! You know I have a soft spot for watery eyes!

Me: She's right! He is just so kawaii like that!

Yami Bakura: Oh, the joys of threatening!

Sami: Oh the joys of having the ability to call the cops!

Yami Bakura: -holds up Ryou again-

Sami: You're not fair.

Yami Bakura: I know. -gets next letter-

Good one LOL...*snickers* Oh hey, before I can forget... To the King of Thieves, Where are you? Oh and, I have this friend who wouldn't talk to me because he discovered I have a crush on him - which is partly true but not so true - when we were in intermediate elementary. I know you're not Dr. Love, that's why I'm asking you. I need someone who is a bit not-loving type to advice me on this one. Thanks! Yours very very truly, Queen_of_Logic Umm, that's my review. Thanks

Yami Bakura: Good one what? -starts typing-

Dear Queen_of_Logic,

I am here, in a stupid office stuck with my stupid Hikari, my stupid boss, and my stupid assistant!!! I'd tell you the details, but I don't feel like doing that. Anywho, if he was your friend, he wouldn't just ignore you because he found out you have a crush on him. If I were him, I probably would've blown you up or something, but I'm not going to go there right now. Anyway, advice? Threaten to shoot him if he won't talk to you. And maybe it's not even about you, maybe he became a mute or something. But yeah, shoot him. Or stab him, you could go ask that Peach chick I just helped to lend you a dagger. I mean, she probably has a couple of spares laying around somewhere. - Yami Bakura

Yami Bakura: What would the people do without my great advice?

Me: Be safe from the police...

Ryou: I thought they were broken up though

Me: -_-;; Wrong police! -hands Yami Bakura his last letter-

Dear Yami Bakura, I've got this problem where my friend is being immensly annoying saying nasty things to everyone I need to accomplish my goals.(evil grin) What is the best *cough* painful *cough* way to get rid of him? -paniwi

Yami Bakura: I love mail like this!

Dear Paniwi,

You've come to the right guy for this kind of advice. A knife through the heart is a good way! Or maybe a shotgun. Feeding him to a pack of werewolves would be excruciatingly painful! But... If you really want the most painful way, you can give him Ryou. Really, you can. I won't mind! - Yami Bakura

Yami Bakura: -stretches his arms- Stuff like this tires you out. But its worth it to bring some sort of purpose to those pathetic mortals lives.

Ryou: ;~; You wanna get rid of me..?

Yami Bakura: Eh..

Ryou: ;~~; WAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Me: Good job! Now he's crying.. >.<

Sami: Aw, Ryou, don't cry! I'll give you a hug!

Ryou: -sniffle- Really?

Sami: Really!

Ryou: YAY! -hugs Sami-

Yami Bakura: Ugh.. Happiness. How sickening! Anyway, until next time... Bye.

Okay, one last thing. For those of you who don't get Ryou's comment when I told Yami Bakura that without him, people would be safe from the police. Ryou was thinking of the band `The Police' Y'know, the band that had Sting! Just thought that it would be nice to explain that if anyone was confused about it.