InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Fade and Flare ❯ Chapter 16 ( Chapter 18 )

Fade and Flare

Chapter 16

Inuyasha (at least the anime, anyway) is copyright Rumiko Takahashi/Shogakukan, Yomiuri Terebi, and Sunrise 2000.

"Okay," Miroku uttered with a sigh. "Everyone hold out your hands."

"What's going on?" Shippo set down his sandwich and canned coffee with a puzzled stare, but complied, holding out a closed hand towards Miroku, mirroring him.

"You too, Darling Sango."

Rolling her eyes, she offered her fist. "Janken?"

The corner of Miroku's mouth quirked up in an affirming smile as he raised his fist. "Jan."

"Ken," Sango continued, as the trio raised their fists a second time.

"Pon," Shippo finished, keeping his hand in a fist shape- rock. Miroku's hand matched.

Sango eyed her flat palm and raised an eyebrow at her two companions. "Looks like I win with paper. What's the prize?"

With a rueful smile Miroku pat her on the shoulder. "You, my Dear, now have the privilege of telling Kagome in person that Shiseido has terminated her endorsement contract.

There was no time to think about her reaction; Sango's jaw dropped. "How? But... wait, why can't you... Miroku, that's dirty! What did they say? What did you say?"

That was such a dirty trick! She'd repeated this to herself so many times since she read the letter, unable to accept that he could quit so easily. Inuyasha's success wasn't based on Kagome's work and talent alone. Just as she'd practiced and studied her craft for so long, rehearsing into early hours of the morning in her tiny apartment so as not to waste her new manager's efforts, Inuyasha had developed his instincts about people and the music industry. They'd been together for years, trusting each other, and growing to help the other.

Inuyasha should have known better. Surely he knew how much she needed him! Why would he distress her like this?

Unhappy that she couldn't find a closer parking spot, she bent a black fedora low over her face, and her boots clicked against the sidewalk in front of Inuyasha's house. Running towards the gate, she rehearsed in her mind what she'd say to him inside, despite forgetting each phrase as quickly as she could think of them. Forget it. All she had to do was see his face, and everything would work out. Her hand grabbed the iron handle and twisted.

The gate didn't budge. Slightly startled, she tried again with the same results. What was left of her train of thought was derailed, but she reached into her purse, fumbling for keys as she looked between the bars of the gate, searching for Inuyasha's black Porsche. Maybe he'd stepped out.

Finally locating a key, she shoved it hastily into the keyhole, trying to turn it. Nothing happened.

Did I put it in upside-down? No big deal. Kagome couldn't really recall any time in recent memory when she needed to use the key. She flipped it over, trying to open the gate, but there were still no results.

Whoops, wrong key... Sighing to herself, Kagome switched keys.

Four keys later, the gate still failed to open. Confused as to what to do now, she stood in place, staring at her hands.

"Nee-san! You can't leave your apartment without telling me!"

Slightly startled, the young woman turned towards the voice. Kouhaku, followed by his right hand men, rushed out of their black Jaguar and over to her side. As Sango's flustered younger brother retrieved his cell phone to tell Sango everything was fine, Kagome turned her head to the taller of Kouhaku's employees.

"Shimura-san, right?"

"Y-yeah."

Kagome fumbled for a second, handing him the first key she'd tried on Inuyasha's gate. "I'm... apparently I'm too panicky to use keys correctly. Could you please open this gate?"

Looking slightly concerned, Shimura Keichi nodded softly, using them. "Sorry..." he started to say, but Kagome interrupted.

"Sorry, maybe you're a little tired after having to rush here." The tone in her voice was starting to hint at desperation. "Aoki-san," she started, handing the set of keys to him. "Could you please...?"

"Um, sure." The other man fumbled for a minute before finally shaking his head. "I'm sorry, Higurashi-sama. I've failed, too."

"Okay, I'm sorry. It's my fault for running away so suddenly... I'm so sorry. I guess we're all a little stressed right now and it's my fault. Let's see if Kouhaku-kun can do it."

The two men exchanged worried glances and nodded, and the entire process repeated once Kouhaku ended his phone call.

Breathing a little faster, Kagome gripped the bars of the gate. "I'll just wait here for a little bit. He can't stay out all night, can he? This is where he lives, after all..."

Frowning, Kouhaku looked at the darkening sky and turned back to Kagome, now squatting on the ground. "Nee-san. It's going to get cold soon."

"It's okay," she answered. "I'll just tease Inuyasha about how I waited in the freezing tundra once he comes back. I bet he's just out to dinner right now."

The young man sighed, looking sadly at his men. "You heard her. Let's wait a while."

"Right, Boss."

...

"I'm back."

"Thanks again, Aoki-kun." Kagome beamed in gratitude as he handed her a hot lemon drink from a nearby vending machine. As it grew dark it was Kouhaku's idea to warm her hands up with hot drinks while they waited for Inuyasha. A few hours later a pile of tepid, unopened bottles sat on the sidewalk next to the four, who talked about their families to pass the time.

Kagome pressed the heated bottle to her cheeks, sighing softly as it warmed her face, not noticing how Aoki smiled at her. "Kouhaku-kun," she started, peering up at him from the ground. "Don't you want your jacket back? I have this drink to keep me warm for a little bit."

"No, no, I'm okay. What kind of man lets a lady freeze in the dark?"

Kagome sighed, lowering her gaze down to her toes. "What kind of selfish person lets three other people freeze in the dark?" she mumbled. "Shimura-kun, what time is it?"

"One-thirty in the morning, Jou-chan."

All were silent as Kagome stared up at the sky, searching for the moon. It hung behind the clouds, only half-visible. She glanced over at her companions, trying hard to remain stoic, holding in their discomfort. Standing, Kagome dusted herself off.

"How about this: It's late, so there are open parking spots on the street, now. I go around the corner to get my car, wait in it, and you three can go home. If someone suspicious shows up, I can just drive away."

"Don't be ridiculous," Kouhaku replied, holding his coat in place over Kagome's shoulders when she tried to return it to him. "We're waiting with you as long as you need to." Aoki and Shimura nodded at her, in agreement with their boss.

"Damn," she muttered. "If my key would just work..."

Shimura raised an eyebrow.

...

Kagome clearly didn't have the same sense of smell as Inuyasha, but she did notice how his scent still lingered in his house. Shimura helped her climb over the gate after he, Aoki, and Kouhaku went over it following her. After Kagome's key to the house failed to work Aoki managed to get a window open enough for the young woman to wriggle her way inside.

Now she stood, shoes in hand as she deposited them on the ground, then opening the front door for her bodyguards. As they entered, locking the door behind them and removing their shoes, Kagome turned on a small table lamp.

This seemed wrong, but she didn't know what else to do. Inuyasha hadn't been answering her calls. Sango, Miroku, and Shippo couldn't find him, either. She would have believed he'd disappeared from the face of the Earth if not for the fact that he was still in limited contact with Miroku.

"I'm going upstairs to lay down. Go ahead and make yourselves at home. Help yourselves to whatever's in the fridge, too, though he never really keeps a lot of food around."

"Thank you, Nee-san. We'll be okay."

Turning, she climbed the stairs. As she reached the top she stood in the hallway, deciding which room to head to. She glanced at her guest room for a second, taking a step in that direction before stopping again. Her eyes trailed over to the doorway of Inuyasha's bedroom at the end of the hall. A breath caught in her throat as she gazed down the dim passage, remembering the last time she was here. She shuddered at the memory of kissing him only a couple of weeks ago in the doorway of his bedroom as the pair inched towards Inuyasha's bed.

This was where she belonged. Her feet padded slowly towards the darkness, before consciously deciding to head in that direction. With hesitation she took a breath, placing a hand on the doorknob, and entered.

At first glance Inuyasha's room hadn't changed, and she didn't really expect it to. The bed was made, and everything else was put away. It was actually tidier than usual in his room.

Too tidy, Kagome realized. She rushed to his closet first, pulling its sliding door to one side.

Most of his clothes were gone. In fact, the only things that really seemed to remain were a small collection of dress shirts and a couple pairs of pants. It took a few seconds to realize that all of the clothes that remained were items she'd purchased for him.

Why?

She spun around, rushing to his drawer. His underwear and socks were lacking in number. As she dug through the rest of his things, memories of all sorts flashed through her mind. He'd bought this house after Kagome became a commercial success only a couple of years ago, and when she got her first endorsement deal she helped him decorate the place.

Kagome recalled shopping with Inuyasha for red things to place in his bedroom, comparing prices for the furniture she'd helped him pick out and arrange. There were other days when she'd come over to help the half demon organize his clothes. She feared that he'd return to his old ways of leaving his clothes in a mountain at his nightstand. "You silly guy," she'd giggled once. "You'll find all of your underwear faster if you keep them in once place." Kagome remembered how he pouted when she arranged his boxer shorts for him.

"Fine, but I ain't arranging my fucking underwear by color," he'd growled.

"I know," she'd answered, laughing.

Sighing now, Kagome moved to his bed, sinking down into its center. She buried her face in his pillows.

Last time I was here... Her eyes drifted close as she remembered how urgently they'd kissed. She hadn't yet had the opportunity to spend a night with him in this bed. With reddening cheeks at her most recent memories in this spot she rolled over to his nightstand, opening the top drawer. His condoms were still there, along with a few other items- backup batteries for his cell phone, packages of flavoring from instant ramen (where were the noodles?), an old day planner... As she rummaged a little more she found pieces of a ripped photo. A little surprised, she pushed them around with a finger, finally spotting a familiar face in the shreds: his last ex-girlfriend's face. This woman was the only person besides Kagome who Inuyasha seemed to show any kind of tenderness for. The hanyou had barely managed to remember the names of girls he'd slept with, but with this woman... She wouldn't even admit it to herself back then, but Kagome always felt a little jealous when she'd catch Inuyasha on the phone with her. The way he murmured softly into the receiver in a stolen moment made Kagome's heart flutter a little, and she'd fantasize about hearing his whispers in her own ears.

This girl has no idea how much she hurt him, Kagome lamented. She rolled back into the middle of the bed, pulling a pillow to her chest before drifting off to sleep.

When Kagome and her three bodyguards left Inuyasha's house the next morning, they were faced with a pair of police officers from the local kouban, ready to arrest them. As soon as they recognized Kagome, the tense expressions shared by the police officers dissipated. Laughing at the misunderstanding, they explained how reports of a young woman and some yakuza had broken into the house. They were surprised at what seemed to be a coincidence- how quickly someone would try to rob the house, not even a full day after they watched Inuyasha leave with a few small boxes.

"Did he say where he was going? Or when he was coming back?"

"Well, of course he's not very talkative," the younger policeman answered, "all he mentioned was that he'd be gone for a while. Is there something going on?"

Kagome bit her lip.

"I'm home," Kagome muttered to nobody, a little crestfallen after being driven home by Kouhaku. With practiced ease she shed her white leather boots in the entryway, and hung her coat and purse before stepping into the house. Then she stood, staring blankly into the living room, fixating on the bright white sky in the windows. A wedge of intense light bled down over the curtain and spilled onto the carpeted floor. Her eyes followed as it drew a line to her couch.

The last time I laid there... She pictured Inuyasha's nude form, cradling her after a night of lovemaking in the music room.

Kagome felt compelled to straighten a displaced cushion; it was probably Inuyasha's fault that it sat crooked. Blankly, she moved to the couch and reached for it, but met a moment of hesitation. Shaking her head, however, she laughed at the absurdity of such sentimentality and straightened up the cushions. Locating a blanket that had been deposited on the floor, she folded it, draping it over the arm of the couch. Again, she paused before taking a seat. Kagome's gaze was drawn back to the light, into the sky once more, and she stood to regard its flatness. There were no clouds, but also no color as it washed the room in bright whites from the midday. Flinching from too much glare, Kagome turned away.

Like an apparition she drifted into the music room, eventually face to face with the keys on her white Shigeru-Kawai. Spots of light shot into her eyes off of its polished surface, and she let them retreat into her shadow, stretched across the keys. Without a pause her fingers went straight towards them, her body in tow, sliding onto the piano bench with a bit of trepidation. She paused over the piano, fingertips hovering over the keys- for the first time in years no tune came to mind. The sound of her exhale faded into the room; it had been the only sound she'd allowed herself to make since coming home.

Kagome was at a loss.

She sulked, bending solemnly over the piano. Her head sank a little, and Kagome's eyes immediately darted towards the movement of her shadow, watching the forms of her silhouette morph subtly with her breathing. This was when she caught a slight imperfection in the light: a cloudy, diffused shape that sat steadily near the shadow of her shoulder. When Kagome realized what created the shape, her shoulders sank.

What the hell. They're just smudges... Kagome balled her hands into fists over the piano, and ran them angrily over the keys, no longer hesitating. The piano shrieked back in terror, in rapid, harsh waves of chords until the notes dissipated into a string of more lamentful, intricate song. When Kagome calmed down the piano rained a soft lullaby of apology into the room, its pianist replying with a foot on the una corda pedal as her notes faded and disappeared. Her eyes moved back to the shadow of the smudges she'd made with Inuyasha, on the last night they'd been together. Still facing the window with her slumping back, the young woman slid down, softly resting her forehead on the piano keys at middle C.

Her gaze dragged across the ground along the shape of her shadow, until she caught the corner of something black underneath the piano. Intrigued, she slid onto the floor, crawling towards it.

Play it when you're blue and think of all the good times we have, Hideto had once instructed. With a tender smile she pulled the object towards her- a black guitar case- and unearthed her sparkly pink Fernandes. The first guitar she ever owned, a gift from her dear friend, shone as if it were new. It had been used heavily but was kept in good condition over the years, despite the few hairline scratches it had earned through stage use and travel. Gingerly, Kagome dragged it out of the case, slowly slipping it onto her lap. Not bothering to put on its strap or locate a pick, she strummed across the strings...

...And the sound was terrible! Kagome's mouth bent unconsciously into a sneer when the guitar belched out a crooked cord. Her fingertips softly adjusted the tuning machines, before playing again.

For a few seconds, the musician believed that her guitar skill had atrophied. She could almost feel gears turning in her head as she tried to recall a few chords, struggling to play a tune in time. The notes were from a foreign song she'd often covered in her early days; she'd once been able to literally play it backwards, but it was now a struggle to play at half tempo. That struggle did not last long. With the tune came memories of shows, myriad nights sweating in black leather, applying heavy eyeshadow, setting up amps, and speeding through Tokyo streets in Hideto's passenger seat.

"I wanna fall into you,
And I wanna be everything
You want me to,
But I'm not sure I know how..."

Remembering what she'd been told about her Japanese accent in L.A., Kagome took pains to keep her English pronunciation tight. For only a moment, she forgot about Inuyasha and gossip magazines, lost in her craft.

"I lose faith and I lose ground,
Then I see you and remember,
Unconditional love..."

The moment was brief, however. Though she suddenly felt calmer than a moment ago, Kagome began to reminisce about her earlier days as a musician. She recalled the first time she'd seen Inuyasha, screaming and angry as he berated Miroku. There was a wildness in his eyes that intrigued and scared her to the core, and in time she'd learned that he was only hostile when he cared deeply about something. Kagome felt as if she'd been the only one who realized it. She felt compelled to soothe him- it came so easily to her. As they grew closer, she wanted to do it more.

His face came to mind: first the image of his indignant scowl, then his flustered blushing, and finally his peaceful sleeping face, which she'd only seen a few times. The weight of her Fernandes suddenly grew, and Kagome didn't fight as the guitar slid off of her lap, onto the floor.

"That sounded familiar. Was it a cover?"

With a start, Kagome's eyes darted to the room's entrance, and she calmed a bit once she recognized Sango, slowly letting herself in.

"Uh... yes. I used to play it at my live shows."

"Awesome. You know, I still can't believe you started as a punk act."

"To be accurate," Kagome replied, "I don't think I could legitimately call myself a punk act back then when the music wasn't really any sort of political statement. I just liked playing in the spirit."

"Yeah," Sango grinned, "If you wanna be a music snob about it, I suppose." She stuck her tongue out, taking a seat on the floor next to her friend. "I've been listening to you nonstop lately! Well, old you, I suppose. I can't believe that was you!"

"I was a baby, trying to sound like a big, tough grownup. It was all about pretending to be an adult back then- I didn't want people to notice that I was still learning how to be a real one. Those lyrics were so harsh and angsty, but come on! I was as threatening as a kitten attack."

Sango was laughing now. "You're being hard on yourself."

Kagome rolled her eyes, waving a dismissive hand in the air. "Most of those songs were written when I was in high school, which wasn't such a good time." She shifted in her seat a little, readjusting the guitar in her lap. "Honestly, I wonder if half the people coming to my shows did so because I wore skimpy clothes and thrashed around a lot."

Well, besides the skimpy clothes you just described everybody after high school ended. Anyway, when I walked in you were playing... Shin-dee Ro-ppa, right?" The stylist toiled at the foreign name.

"Cyndi Lauper, yeah. Hide-chan was the first to suggest that I cover that song, before I'd written a few songs of my own. He said it suited my range just nicely." Sighing, Kagome set the guitar back in her case, locating a cleaning cloth to wipe off some smudges before finally closing the case. "I forgot how fun it was to play guitar. It reminds me of... well, good times, I suppose." A slight blush crept across Kagome's cheeks. "Hide-chan was a strict teacher. What he asked me to do was always difficult, but... he'd always instruct with such a gentle demeanor. Otherwise, though- well, other times when he'd watch TV or the few times I'd seen him on the phone with his manager he had a temper like Inuyasha's, but it was never directed towards me. Like there was an off-switch for me."

Sitting cross-legged, Sango rest her chin on her hand. "Your first love..."

With a soft laugh, Kagome nodded. "I was so young, and he was... well, a rock star! Sure, he didn't act the way I'd always imagined when I finally got to know him, but for the most part he was famous and desirable on TV and in magazines, and all he wanted to do was spend time with me when he came home."

"Wow," Sango laughed. "You must have been one smokin' hot teenager."

Kagome burst into laughter. "I don't know about that," she giggled, "But it was a weird time. I spent the day at school as a normal girl, but I spent my nights in a glamorous upscale apartment, with my rock star friends. It was like our own planet, because we could never go out anywhere- they'd all be seen, of course, and Hide-chan said it might even cause problems for me to be seen with them."

"If you don't mind me asking," Sango interjected, "Why did it end?"

"I wonder if it ever really started." There was a tender smile that hung on her face as Kagome stared into her lap. "The time we spent together was short. It was a period when he stayed in Tokyo to record music, and do a lot of press and radio between touring seasons. We wouldn't have lasted. I didn't even have an identity as my own person.

"Like I said I was new to being an adult, and maybe somewhere I realized this. But I have a lot to thank him for, because he set me on this path. He helped me find Inuyasha."

"So it's no coincidence that he and Inuyasha are similar?" Sango grinned.

"What? It's not like that! They're similar, but..." Kagome grinned, too. "Inuyasha was always a little sad inside. After I stopped being scared of him, I realized it. He's always afraid to get close because he can't handle being hurt as much as Hide-chan could. Hide-chan and I were able to go on with our lives with these great memories that haven't been ruined by anyone, or anything.

"Not that it was so easy to part with your first love! I'm just saying," Kagome sighed. "It seemed like a bad idea. Like... it was the wrong lifetime for us. Maybe we both knew it."

"What was Hojo, then? A long rebound?" Sango blurted out the thought but quickly covered her mouth, slumping in embarrassment as she stared apologetically at Kagome.

The pop star was wide-eyed, blinking as she considered this. "...Maybe," she sighed. "But I thought we were a nice match. And even you remember that we had some great times together, too. He helped me get over Hide-chan." Kagome stared off to one side, beginning to mumble, "Especially when Hide-chan met his wife on that TV show a year later..."

The surprise on Sango's face startled Kagome a little bit. Whoops. That came out wrong. Kagome shook her head, waving her hands in front of her. "Megumi-chan is great! She's a sweet, gentle lady, and their boy is so adorable, too. Anyway, like I said, Hide-chan and I were able to go on with our lives, and the time we spent together was really special. He got me ready for the life I live now."

"Speaking of the life you live now," Sango murmured. She clenched her fists in her lap, trying to find a way to give Kagome the bad news. As her eyes scanned the room she blinked at smudges on the window. "Oh my God, Kagome-chan..." Bouncing up to examine the window, she unconsciously stretched out her t-shirt, wiping some of the smudges away. "I've never even seen a mess, of any sort in your home."

The young pop star's breath held as she watched her friend easily wipe away what she couldn't even look at. Part of her wanted to stop Sango, but knew better. It was absurd.

"There we go," Sango finally exhaled. "Now, let's make tea while I tell you some news."

Dearest Hojo-sama,

It's me, Saionji Reimi again. By now you must have quite a few of my letters, ever since I decided to send one a month. I would only like for you to know about me once we finally meet. How dare that horrible slut Kagome treat you-

Yikes! Next.

To My Beloved Husband-to-be-Hojo,

Oh no, no, no. Next...

Hey, Hojo! Will you be my big brother? I think you're cool.

Shortest. Fan letter. Ever. There was also no return address or signature. Hojo laughed, and folded the crisp piece of paper into his pocket. This was going into his collection.

Hello Hojo-san,

I love watching your shows. Ever since I was in high school I've been paying attention to your new roles, and I also try to buy whatever products you sponsor so that people will give you more jobs! Do you think it worked? Your face and voice are very calming to me, and while we will probably never meet, I hope you will continue to work in television...

"Yuka," Hojo called sharply.

"Yes?" She lifted her gaze from her computer, wincing inwardly at his cold tone of voice.

"I need to autograph a photo for this one." His demeanor was suddenly mechanical and detached. The young actor began to feel guilty for speaking to her this way, but those feelings quickly disappeared as he remembered the photos of Kagome and Inuyasha. Would she have even been driven into the arms of her manager without Yuka's meddling, or was their relationship simply expedited? Maybe he'd never know.

"Sure! Give me the name and address and I'll add her to a list, and-"

"-No, I'd like to do it myself. After you get me the photo please just go home for the day, or at least continue working in your office. I think I'd prefer that you do your desk work from there from now on, and not my living room."

"O-okay," she murmured. Though she expected this type of resentment, it still hurt. Now that her feelings for him had become known, she felt ashamed to argue with him at times. Ultimately, however, Yuka was grateful to still be working for Hojo- Inuyasha had once very bluntly criticized this.

"I believe in forgiveness," Hojo had said after Yuka admitted to stealing Kagome's engagement ring. "You're a little misguided, but you've also taken good care of my career and have good connections in the industry. To be honest, I also think I need someone as cunning as you working for me... not against me."

Misguided, indeed! If Yuka had not have been so vulnerable at the time she could have argued for days about how every facet of what she'd done for him was beneficial to his career. Even now, as he glared at her from behind a pile of fan letters, both Yuka and Hojo knew that he'd be just as successful as before, and Kagome alone would suffer a backlash from the public.

"Yuka, sorry. I'd really like if you left right now."

"Sure." With an expressionless face she gathered her paperwork.

Had it always been this imposing? It was strange, Kagome thought, that she'd never really felt uncomfortable to be at home in her own apartment before- she'd spent a lot of time looking for the perfect place to live as far as location, layout, and the view. Her living space was beautiful and comfortable, in calming colors with lots of natural light and not too many rooms, yet with extra space just in case she'd ever needed it.

The space would allow Kagome to take care of her mother in her old age. If her younger brother Souta ever grew tired of living at their family shrine, he would be welcome here. Even if she wanted to make her own family... well, just in case she ever did, there would be room here.

After Sango left Kagome wandered the halls again. When did her home feel so cold and uninviting?

She'd lost an endorsement contract because Shiseido didn't want to be affiliated with the scandal. She understood, and in a way Kagome felt relieved- she was never a fan of hawking makeup, but she did so with the understanding that it was necessary to stay popular in order to sell music. So many people depended on her for work, too, from her personal staff to the regular studio and tour musicians, dancers, her photographers... many people paid for their homes and fed their children because of her success. While maybe Sango, Shippo, Miroku, and Inuyasha depended on her more than others, Kagome was at least glad that another pop star could come along and most of these people would still have work.

Even beyond this responsibility the rejection itself still stung. Kagome never thought that she, who fought to put her music first would actually be a part of a celebrity scandal. Since breaking things off with Hideto as a young woman she was petrified that something would undermine her music career, but suddenly, halfway to thirty years old, she'd become distracted. It only took three years for her to get to the top, and another three to mess up. She suddenly felt sympathy for the myriad pop queens before her who likely lived under the same scrutiny. The amount of personal sacrifice necessary, in order to spend even ten years as a relevant pop star, suddenly became clearer. This was why pop stars came and went.

Her feet, slapping against the hardwood floor of the halls echoed softly with each step. The sky had dimmed outside, but she could not be bothered to turn on a light as she paced, slowing slightly each time she passed Inuyasha's guest room.

"I gotta get out of here."

Before the house grew completely dark she shuffled to the entryway, slipping on a white coat and white ballet flats before heading out the door. She called Kouhaku as she headed to the parking garage, and was met with two cars as she reached the bottom of the building: her own white Peugeot, and Kouhaku's black Mercedes SL500.

She thanked Kouhaku, who blushed a little as he handed her the keys before heading to his car to escort her. It was tough to explain that she didn't know where she wanted to go, but Kouhaku didn't press the issue, only saying, "I understand. We'll just follow and make sure nobody bothers you." Kouhaku opened the door for her as she stepped into the car. Kagome paused for a moment while waiting for the younger man to get into his own car, before she started driving.

Surely, if she got it out of her system, she'd quit acting selfish and distraught like this. Intellectually, this is what she thought, but in her heart she'd been so confused and stressed for so long that she needed a break. She needed to think.

Inuyasha had finally let his guard down, and they'd finally gotten close. She felt stupid for thinking that this would fix all of her problems. Now Inuyasha had run away, even further than she could imagine.

Her car wandered along with her mind, taking random turns through the evening traffic. Somehow Kouhaku had managed to stay behind her as she wove through the streets- not that she was particularly trying to lose him. A few turns later she'd found herself at the steps of her family shrine. She shrugged as she waited for her guard to stop and escort her out.

"Thanks," she murmured, taking the young man's arm. He waited at the base of the steps as she headed toward the house.

"Take all the time you need, Nee-san."

"Thanks again."

Her eyes moved to the Tokyo skyline as she climbed the familiar steps. In the corner of her eye Kouhaku's slim figure became more and more faint as he stood in the dark, until it disappeared from view completely. Pink, blue, and yellow neon dots pulsated in the distance, spiraling up along the skyscrapers as if leading her eyes to the stars. There, Kagome eventually focused her attention on the sky, catching sight of Ooguma- Ursa Major- and found the two stars pointing to Myouken. The north.

"Myouken is a kind god, even though many don't worship her anymore," her grandfather had often said, "She protects us from calamity, and controls our fates." Kagome had forgotten how many times she'd held her grandfather's hand at the top of the shrine steps as he explained this to her. With her memories of this, she recalled his words.

"Stand at the top of the shrine steps, and look for the Big Bear in the sky, who will point you to Myouken." Kagome recalled her Grandfather's creased face and wiry moustache as he smiled down towards her, pointing to the sky. "Now look right below where Myouken sits." He traced a line from the sky to the earth. "You'll notice that she left something special for us, to remind us of her presence, even when you can't see stars in the sky. What is it?"

"The Goshinboku," an adult Kagome whispered, making her way towards the largest tree on the grounds.

As she approached the sacred tree- a massive, old cryptomeria adorned in shimenawa rope and paper shide streamers, wards to keep away evil spirits, her heart gradually calmed. The pop star finally took a seat at the bench in front of it.

Quietly, she beheld the trunk in the dark, running her eyes over the tree's scars as if they were hers- as if each crack on its massive surface was a scratch on her own heart. When her father died, when she felt like a failure, when she was bullied in high school, Kagome spent hours sitting in the shade of this tree. Sometimes she'd cry, sometimes she'd talk to it, and other times she'd study it quietly, mulling over her problems.

The presence of something older than her, even older than generations of her family, seemed to trivialize her troubles. Each time she came home to sit with the great Goshinboku she understood: it stood before she'd been born, and it would still stand after she was gone. The ancient tree would sit silently, set in its ways as it continued to grow, unchanged by any fleeting successes or failures she'd have in her life.

Clapping her hands together in a short prayer, she'd hoped to get Myoujin's attention. "I'm not sure what to do," she whispered. "For so long I worked hard to become successful, and now it's hurting everyone around me. I want to return the love they've given me, but I want to be happy, too. That's fair, isn't it?"

"Kagome? I heard a noise..."

A soft, masculine voice- one that had comforted her so often- made her heart jump. Right after her name was called she verified its owner through his familiar silhouette. A slender figure moved towards her, backlit softly by her family's porch lights, from further in the distance. Tears welled up in her widened eyes as she leaped from the bench, running into an open embrace.

"Hide-chan! I thought you were touring in America!"

"Just got back to Tokyo this evening. Thought I'd bring Mama some California wine while I asked her a few questions..."

"Questions?" Linking her arm with his, she moved back to the Goshinboku's bench with a bounce in her step.

"The questions were pointless to ask anyway, seeing as you don't call your mother enough." The older man took a seat, draping one arm around her shoulders. "Since I have you, though, would you care to explain why at every book store I pass, the newspapers have pictures of Inuyasha with his hands on your... well, everything?"

"It was in Rosu!" she replied defensively. "Nobody mobs me in the streets in America, so... part of me thought we were safe, and the rest of me... got a little distracted."

"Thought you could fuck your employees and get away with it there?" Though the words were harsh, Hideto's tone was tender as he teased Kagome. "If you met face to face with the you from high school, how would you explain this to her? And while I never really liked that dumbshit Hojo, how would you have explained this to him? You cheated on that boy?"

Shamefully, Kagome buried her face into her friend's shoulder. "I... I almost cheated on poor Hojo-kun. But the week before Inuyasha and I went to Rosu I gave back the engagement ring. Ended things properly."

"...I'm confused. Are you trying to tell me you're not a total idiot?"

"If Inuyasha hadn't stopped me himself, I would have done everything in the wrong order."

"I take that back. My Kagome is a total idiot."

She raised her head to meet her friend's gaze. "No. Your Kagome was a young girl who had a clear and level head. She understood consequences, and was not a total idiot."

Hideto rolled his eyes.

"This Kagome is spoiled, complacent, and pays other people to tell her what's right and wrong, because she can't be bothered to do anything else but sing, dance, and irresponsibly fall in love with her manager- who just quit his job and disappeared, mind you! It serves me right that I can't figure out where he is."

"You are an idiot. And while I don't know what's going on with him and didn't see this coming, so is your manager."

"See?"

"He... he really ran away? I can't believe that crap. He does and doesn't understand what's happening between you? Is he trying to stop it? And you don't even get it! You're the same Kagome as you were before. When you're in love you can't control it. I don't think that part of you will ever change."

With a frown, Kagome pulled away from her friend for a minute. She searched Hideto's face, trying to understand what he was saying. "When I was in love with you back then I somehow managed to set it all aside for my future. Nowadays I'm a mess."

"I had to talk you out of it. Don't you remember? The night in my car-"

"-Was the only time we got to really act out what we felt because of that. At that point it was the saddest and happiest moment in my life. I was so, so in love with you. You have no idea..."

"Baby, I knew it back then; that's not even in question. But it's old news. You love Inuyasha more than you've ever loved me, and it makes me proud. You've finally become a grown woman."

The woman in question stared skeptically. "You're... praising me because I got older? Because... you can save that for later. In fifteen years when my face starts to age, I want to hear you say that."

He laughed, tracing a hand down her cheek. "You're finally at the point where you can handle loving someone enough to screw things up. Enough to derail the course of your entire life, and mess up your plans, and replace whatever childish dreams you had with newer, better ones."

Kagome could only stare as she took in Hideto's words.

"I only know this, because back then I'd reached that point. I would have loved... it would have meant the world if you were willing to do it with me, but I realized that you weren't ready. You'd grow up a little more and hate me for holding you back."

"You're being over-dramatic," Kagome sighed, placing a hand on his. "Right after we parted was when you guys went from stars to megastars! And then you met Megumi-chan."

"Yep. I ruined some other poor girl's life instead of ruining yours."

"Stop that!"

"...And we got married right away and my popularity went down, and then our band went on hiatus. You don't remember?" He grinned. "I threw it all aside to be with her, and then Ichi was born, and..."

Kagome gasped. "Hide-chan..."

"Yeah?"

"About Koichi: I just realized you've been touring for almost two years straight! Why?"

He paused, having been caught a little off guard. "Ah, you noticed," he sighed. Gripping Kagome's fingers with his own, he ran his thumb over her fingertips.

"Now that I think about it... when's the last time you two spent some time together? And with your boy?"

"I'd love to spend time with my boy, if that fucking bitch would let me near him!"

Well, that was sudden. Kagome froze at the instant animosity in Hideto's tone. The pair sat silent, unable to quickly react to the sudden derailment in their conversation. The young woman searched her friend's face, trying to get a glimpse of what he was thinking. He stared forward, not even trying to mask the hurt in his eyes.

Kagome opened her mouth to speak, but closed it again as she looked at her friend once more. She looked down at their hands, watching his thumb pause over her fingernail. His other fingers, calloused from playing the guitar dug softly into her hand. Her own problems didn't seem as important.

"But... Megumi-chan is... she's so sweet!" Kagome could feel tears welling up. "What happened? I didn't know you were fighting!"

"What I told you, about being bitter about having your career held back? She learned that firsthand." Hideto gripped Kagome's hand tighter, taking a moment to lean on her shoulder. "Turns out, she wasn't ready for new dreams. The idea hit her by surprise as much as it hit me. And part of me can't blame her."

Tears spilled down, rolling over Kagome's cheeks, and into Hideto's dark hair, which was shaggy and frizzy from traveling. "I saw her on TV recently, and thought, 'Wow, both she and Hide-chan are working really hard.' I admired both of you so much..."

"So you get it. When Ichi was born, she changed. She'd snap at me all the time, and get mad over little things- it wasn't like before, when she'd wait backstage after every show, and we'd talk for hours. A couple of years ago when the boy started elementary school, she had a nervous breakdown and screamed at me all the time about how I was hiding in the studio or on TV with the band too often. Megumi completely lost it. I had to move out."

"She made a family with you and broke it all apart!" Sniffling, Kagome threw her arms around her friend. "I would have never done that to you!"

With a free hand Hideto reached up, patting her on the head. "Don't dwell on the hypothetical. You and I ended things the right way. We'll leave it at that."

"So what will you do now?" Wiping softly at his hair, Kagome tried to brush her tears out. "When will you see Koichi again? How do you deal with all of this?"

"Well, it's petty sometimes. She can't stop him from seeing ads of me everywhere, and even you know we're on TV constantly, and I'm about a million times more famous than she is. She's 'kind' enough to stay out of the way when I phone him. I talk to him every day, if I can, and next weekend he'll be at my apartment, but in general? I write some fucking songs, perform them, and party my ass off on tours."

Sighing, Kagome straightened Hideto's hair as best as she could. "I still listen to your music as much as I did in high school. I saw your last video! It was pretty good timing, too- was feeling sorry for myself, and couldn't sleep, so I turned on the TV, and boom. There you were."

"Yeah," he chuckled. "My songs tend to just show up. All part of the job."

"Smart-ass," Kagome giggled. "Well, you sung me to sleep. I don't wanna praise you too much-"

"-You're too biased, anyway. It's easy to please a lady when you know you've been her favorite singer for most of her life."

Kagome slapped him, lightly on the head. "Hide-chan! Argh! Well, in my professional opinion, it was such a solid song, with a gorgeous hook. Reminded me of old times."

In mock pain, Hideto held a hand on his head where he had been hit. "Now that's bizarre. I don't think I've ever sung you to sleep in person."

She laughed. "Maybe you should some time. I miss playing rock, Hide-chan. Even if it were just with you, at your place, I'd like to play with someone. I dream about wearing black leather and screaming into a mic again. I gotta exorcise a few demons."

For a moment Hideto was quiet, running his eyes over her sad smile, in the dark. "Well, what the hell is stopping you?"

"What?"

"I'm still... hey, I've got nothing to do but be a rock star, and I'm thinking: you might as well be in the same boat as me. Can't find Inuyasha, right? No word from him?"

"Right," Kagome sighed.

"Come to my place and we'll jam. No, wait. Let's tour, and name it something like 'Can't Go Home!' We can recruit all our friends who are in some kind of shit to play with us!"

Kagome giggled, raising her chin to look back up at the sky as she fixated on Myoujin again. "Who else doesn't want to go home right now? What songs would we play? Whose songs should we play?"

"Hell if I know," Hideto laughed. "Seriously, though, could you imagine? Even if we had just one show, where we got a bunch of friends together and covered each others' songs it would be pretty awesome."

"Aw, that sounds amazing! Oh my God, it's been a dream of mine to perform somewhere with you! You'd better not be teasing me!" Suddenly jumping up from the bench, Kagome grabbed Hideto by the wrist, startling him a little. "Come on!"

"Where to?" He laughed, allowing himself to be pulled.

"We have to go to your place! Now! Before you change your mind!"

"Hey. Welcome home."

"...I assume that you've come to my apartment because of what's in the gossip magazines. My assistants don't stop talking about it at the office. "

A full-blooded dog youkai, taller than Inuyasha, removed a pair of soft leather shoes before setting a briefcase down at the edge of the entryway. His hair was the same silvery-white color as Inuyasha's, if not a little longer and straighter than the hanyou's hair. Narrow eyes, also the same golden color as Inuyasha's, stared half-lidded with disdain from his narrow face.

"Don't be like that, Big Bro'. Didn't our old man say this place belonged to both of us?"

To anyone who was not well-acquainted with Inuyasha's older brother, Sesshoumaru glared. Those who knew him, on the other hand, could recognize that his gaze had momentarily softened. The elder sibling nodded in greeting to Inuyasha.

On Sesshoumaru's black leather couch Inuyasha sat, with clawed feet propped up on a mahogany coffee table. A notebook computer sat open on his lap, shifting slightly as he stretched. Sesshoumaru took a seat next to his younger brother. "Inuyasha. Ample time has passed, but do remember that you were bought out. Fairly, I might add. Did you... lose your house?"

"Don't worry your pretty little face, Sesshoumaru, I just need to disappear. For an indefinite amount of time. But I'll stay out of my old room- It's yours. Not mine anymore."

Rolling his eyes, Sesshoumaru sighed. "I own three other penthouse apartments in just this district alone and you insist on coming to this one. If I'd known you'd have such... human sentimentality for our childhood home I'd have sold this place."

"Then what's keeping you here?" Inuyasha smirked. "Kidding. Just came to keep you company."

Sesshoumaru's facial expression did not change. "How gracious of you. However if this is your only motive for staying here, perhaps you might be able to explain why upon returning from my annual trip to Hong Kong, my bedroom reeked of you. It was clear that you were doing a little more than napping."

Stifling a small laugh, Inuyasha shrugged a little. "Uh... hey, my bad. Old habits, and all... Glad you kept the back patio the way I left it. She was pretty mad that I dragged her all the way over here, but she loved it out there."

Sesshoumaru rose from his seat, disappearing into the kitchen for a moment. He returned with a whiskey glass, filled with two double shots. "Yes, I'm sure the beer can I found helped calm her down as well. Your pop star, correct? Imagine my surprise when I noticed the scent of a very aroused human woman whom I did not recognize, all over my comforter and sheets."

With a hearty laugh, Inuyasha reached into his pocket, retrieving a couple of bills, 10,000 yen each. He laid them on the couch, between he and his brother. "At least you've managed to have a sense of humor about it. Let me pay for the cleaning."

Sesshoumaru's eyebrow raised again. "If you insist on reimbursing me, you're going to need a little more money than that. The comforter, and those sheets were burned."

"Keh! S'not my fault you're a picky little princess! That's all you get!"

Rolling his eyes, Sesshoumaru pushed the money back towards his younger brother. "Keep your pocket change, and be thankful that the high thread count of my sheets prevented any need to replace the mattress- I'm quite attached to it."

"Yeah, I can see why. She liked it, too."

Sesshoumaru placed his face in his palm. "Do NOT. Continue that thought aloud."

Notes:

Wow, you guys have really outdone yourselves- this fic won an award in the Feudal Association's best lemon category? I'm flattered to have readers at all, but am really glad that you guys have enjoyed this story to that extent. Thank you very much!

I'M SO SORRY. In December or so, I was almost done with this chapter. It got lost in a hard drive crash, so I had to rewrite EVERYTHING. There are some notable changes from this chapter's original version because I forgot the nuances necessary for making certain (unimportant) events happen (S'okay. It's better this way- got some inspiration from my Japan trip in May. Major events still don't change, anyway.) I've written this story on lots of planes and places away from home, but this is the first chapter where I got to write while IN Japan.

ALSO. There's new fanart (old and new) added to the web site at pinku. Net/fadeflare. (Remove the spaces, or just use the link in my ff. Net profile) An old one of Inuyasha and Kagome, and another pic of eight characters. Cultural notes are also up for all chapters, AND I've added a new section: a soundtrack to this fanfic. Come on, it's a story about pop stars! The soundtrack is music that inspired this story, so I made a streaming playlist; you can listen online and there are notes about each track.

Next Chapter: Sango helps out Kagome in her own way, and Miroku probably gets a Fearection because of it.