InuYasha Fan Fiction ❯ Shrine Prostitute ❯ Tension ( Chapter 17 )
[ X - Adult: No readers under 18. Contains Graphic Adult Themes/Extreme violence. ]
By: FlameTwirler 
In which Kagome is caught out and miscommunications abound.
Anime/Manga: InuYasha Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Hentai / Drama / Romance | Type: Alternate Universe | Uploaded On: 03.25.2008 | Updated On: 07.30.2013 | Pages: 5 | Words: 7.6K | Visits: 3.9K | Status: Work In Progress
In which Kagome is caught out and miscommunications abound.
Anime/Manga: InuYasha Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Hentai / Drama / Romance | Type: Alternate Universe | Uploaded On: 03.25.2008 | Updated On: 07.30.2013 | Pages: 5 | Words: 7.6K | Visits: 3.9K | Status: Work In Progress
Shrine Prostitute by FlameTwirler
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Chapter 17: Tension----- intense, suppressed suspense, anxiety, or excitement----- a strained relationship between individuals
~ ~ ~
Kagome felt the mattress shift beneath her and groggily stepped down from the dream world when she heard water sloshing, which didn't make sense in either setting. She opened her eyes to the glorious sight of Inuyasha's naked back as he hurriedly toweled off from his impromptu sponge bath, just before slipping into some pants.
"Huh?" she muttered intelligently, wiping the sleep from her eyes. "Where you going?"
He shifted and for a moment she thought he almost looked uncomfortable. "I gotta go get my testing done."
"Test?" she repeated. "What subject? And why do you have to get it done at-" she squinted at the clock, "2pm? Aren't you usually sleeping right about now - like we should be doing?"
"No dummy." He rolled his eyes at her. "My weekly blood draw? It's done at the healing shrine next door and they prefer to keep more normal hours."
At that she sat up and slapped her cheeks lightly. "Am I really just that far asleep still or is there a reason I should know what the heck you're talking about?"
"You do know about our health and safety checks, right?" he said leadingly. At her blank stare he groaned. "For- You don't know anything about this place, do you?"
She just held up her hands and he took a moment to pull on a shirt. "We gotta get checked once a week to make sure we didn't catch anything from any clients and to make sure that if we did we won't pass it on to anyone else."
At her look of growing comprehension - and horror - he shrugged. "Comes with the job description. Government safety standards and all that bull. Plus all the females get pregnancy tests once a month and that's where all us guys get restocked up on our condom supplies." Her eyes just widened and he cursed softly. "Oh c'mon, you had to at least know that much, right? I mean it's common sense."
She managed a sheepish little smile that he took to mean she hadn't. Walking over to the corner he pulled out the pitcher and started to wipe down his face and neck. "Why in the world hasn't Ryu caught you up to speed yet then? He's gotta know that Kazuma didn't tell you shit." Wringing out the cloth he continued, "So if you didn't know about then at least that explains why you never requested I use any protection - it is up to the customer's prerogative, ya know."
Suddenly with great delicacy he put everything down and spoke slowly. "Wait a minute...if I wasn't..." Without warning he spun on her. "Damn it, you really could have ended up pregnant, wench!"
"No, no, no!" she yelled, holding up her hands as if warding him off. "I've been on birth control the whole time, I swear!"
He stared her down a long moment but apparently decided that was good enough and nodded. "Fine. Hell, you've probably come up against most of the major rules by now so hopefully there won't be anymore surprises."
She crossed her arms and glared at him, unwilling to admit what he said was true. Besides, it wasn't her fault she didn't know anything about the darn place. She'd put the miscommunication on her list of complaints to the administration...right after the abuse of her favorite hanyou.
"So...why haven't I ever seen you go get tested before?" she asked.
"You ain't never stayed with me all day before." She nodded. That was true enough, and the thought that she was getting away with doing so now sent excited little chills all through her body.
As she backtracked her way through the conversation, just to make sure she'd absorbed everything now that she was over her shock, she latched onto something that stuck out to her. "But if you're the only hanyou here then how can they check you by a blood test? I mean, wouldn't the DNA coding be different enough from both youkai and ningen to have trouble diagnosing?"
Inuyasha's eyebrows shot up. Where on earth had such an in-depth question come from, and on that of all things? "Naw, it's close enough. They actually run it on both the demon and human tests and then a mixed version they created. Besides, they’re just searching the blood for a disease; they couldn’t care less about my DNA. Plus a lot can just be visually diagnosed." Kagome cringed at that idea.
"Don’t worry about it,” he griped at her. “All my clients are real careful when they come in because they know if they get me infected I'm off the market and then they don't have anyone to toy around with. Pays for them to make sure they keep clean." He wouldn't add that he thought some clients did have one STD or another but those were part of a particular group of his customers. Those sickos didn't actually have any sexual contact with him at all, they just got off touching themselves and ripping him a new one. Assholes.
Kagome pulled him from his ramblings when she suddenly started bouncing up and down on the bed, though it wasn't helping his concentration at all that she hadn't put on a top, so it took him a second to catch on to what she was saying. "...Can I have some of your blood?"
"What the-?" Shaking his head he stuck his fingers into his ears to clear them out. "Come again?"
She gave him a patronizing look as she finally caught on and brought the sheet up to cover herself. "I said I've been working with a doctor at medical school and we were wondering how hanyou DNA compared across the board so I was wondering if you'd mind letting me have a sample of your blood?"
Her expression was strange, a sort of cringe mixed with a smile, and he gathered that was her hoping for a 'yes' but expecting a 'no'. But, he figured, he'd shed blood for every single one of his other clients so why not her as well? "As long as you're not planning to use it to take over the world I guess that's fine."
"And if I am?" she said smiling. After all, she wanted a worldwide revolution where hanyou could live freely, so this could very well be a first step, no? She giggled at the thought.
He pondered that a long time and Kagome started to worry he'd taken her seriously. "Nah," he said, straight-faced, "you're not the domineering type."
"Why you-!" she yelled, throwing a pillow that he avoided easily, snickering at her. "I'll show you when you get back."
That he took as his cue to leave. Opening the door he gave her a mock bow, speaking derisively, "Yeah, we'll see." Closing the door swiftly behind him he couldn't help but chuckle as he heard something connect solidly behind him.
Spirits lifted, especially knowing that, despite her temper, he'd still have her waiting for him when he returned, he strolled leisurely down the corridor.
~ ~ ~
After muttering to herself a good while about arrogant hanyou Kagome finally settled herself down enough to doze lightly for a while. Despite still being tired she wasn't able to stay asleep as she kept coming up with different plans of just what she would do to Inuyasha to prove herself when he came in that door. Luckily she didn't have long to wait or else her nerves would have been on end.
When he strolled in she graced him with one of the most wicked grins he could recall in recent memory, which was why he was disappointed when it left her mouth so she could form her words. "Where's the blood?" she asked, arching an eyebrow.
He poked a thumb at his chest. "Right here, keeping me alive - where do you think, woman?" Suddenly it clicked. "Oh, you do remember blood goes bad quickly and without refrigeration, right?"
Her face instantly bloomed crimson and he smirked at her discomfort. "Should I be scared for any of your future patients?"
"Oh, shut up!" she pouted. "Sorry if I my mind was occupied with other things at the moment."
Pulling his shirt off slowly, enjoying her eyes on him, he asked, "Well then...you wanna get to those other things." Waggling his eyebrows for effect he had Kagome holding her sides.
"Most assuredly," she enthused. "On the bed, now."
"Yes, ma'am," he answered, then with a motion that seemed effortless pushed off and leaped the length of the room to land on the mattress, careful to grab hold of Kagome so she didn't go sprawling off the bed with the impact.
"So what you got planned?" he whispered against the shell of her ear and she had to fight the heady feeling from his lips brushing against her. Pulling back from him she then leaned forward, grasping one of the manacles and opening it for him. Without a word he let himself be locked in and she paused carefully, knowing the dynamic was different from the last time she'd had him in cuffs since he had no chance of breaking these if he got uncomfortable with the situation.
"Okay, now", she said with a levity in her voice despite how her eyes said she was dead serious, "do you need a safeword?"
He was surprised she even knew what a safeword was, let alone that she'd offer to give him such a free way out if he didn't like where she was going with things. Did she expect him to need the safety? That was a galling thought. Still…what did she take him for, a total pansy? He got dealt stuff every night she could probably never comprehend, and would hopefully never need to know about, so he was sure he'd be fine enough with her.
"Why would I need one? You didn't when I had you in these last night."
She rolled her eyes. "That could be because you never gave me the choice. Besides, I trust you so there's no need." The implication lingered that he didn't return the sentiment. "So, what you think?"
Chin up he sniffed. "Course not, wench."
She couldn't say his reply surprised her. He was nothing if not stubborn and, as always, showed that strange contradiction of self-deprecation and pride that made him somewhat unpredictable and sometimes tricky to deal with. She had figured it might be a blow but she knew she had to offer, seeing as how she was holding complete power in the situation at this point and that had to goad him. Then her eyes snapped open as she realized what had just happened; he'd negated any indication he would need a safeword, meaning...he might just be learning to trust her.
With a squeal of glee she threw herself on him, ignoring his undignified 'oof' as she busied herself kissing every available inch of skin she could reach. It wasn't long though before the kisses became less exuberant and more seductive, longer, and more drugging as they both quickly succumbed to the passion that lay between them. With only his shirt off she worked her way up from his stomach to his chest, his shoulders, his neck, his jawline, then finally his face. When she kissed her way across his cheek he quickly shifted his head away when she got too close to his mouth.
Already short of breath she pulled back and panted out, "Inuyasha, I want to kiss you." His face remained averted so she threw in an impassioned, "Please?"
Finally he answered, "You're the one paying, I'll do what you tell me to do."
Kagome couldn't help it. She slapped her hand down so hard on his chest she knew it had to have left a red mark. "I'll have you know that's the worst answer you could have possibly given me. I'd prefer it if you just said no! It's not like I'll force you to do something you don't want to. What do you think that whole 'safeword' thing was about?"
"What? It's the truth!" he yelled back, automatically on the defense.
"Is that what you really think about me?"
"What-"
"No," she cut off, "don't answer that." She rested her forehead in her palm and shook her head. "Okay, new rule."
He didn't like the sound of that.
"You have to do whatever the client wants, right?"
No, he definitely didn't like the sound of that.
"Right," she continued without waiting for a response. "So here it is. From now on I don't want you to do anything with me you don't want to do. That means you don't have to joke with me, eat with me, let me stay here during the daytime, heck, you don't even have to sleep with me if you don't want. The only thing I'll ask is that you not kick me out altogether, seeing as I do kinda enjoy being around you and all and did pay for the privilege - but in my mind that's all I paid for, the joy of your company and that's it. Period. Anything else is at your discretion, got it?"
Inuyasha just stared at her in confusion and growing wonder. Didn't she understand that all he was good for was fulfilling other people's fantasies? Even she'd been no different, her fantasies had just been nicer and a bit more personal. So now she wanted to take herself completely out of the equation and leave it up to him? What the hell did that even mean? Was she just playing around or was she serious? Either way it made her crazy.
"Inuyasha..." she ground out. Apparently she was being serious and wasn't taking kindly to his lack of affirmation.
"Uh, yeah, got it," he replied eloquently.
Immediately she leaned forward and started undoing the manacles, saying, "Good," just as she got the first one off.
Not sure where she was going with things now he asked, "What are you doing?"
The second cuff opened with a clank and Kagome plopped down next to him, turning toward the wall and laying on her side, curled up on herself, breaking all contact with him. "I'm not in the mood anymore. Let's just go back to sleep."
He was tempted to be a bit snide about it and ask what would happen if he didn’t want to but he just couldn’t bring himself to do it. Besides…it bothered him her acting that way. He just mutely wrapped his arms around her, not completely following what had just happened. Why on earth had she reacted so strongly to that? It was just the reality of their situation; he thought she'd accepted that by now. So was she more bothered by his not kissing her or his response?
His mind fumbled around as he tried to understand her reasoning. All he knew was that he had upset her and he didn't like that at all. He pulled her closer against him where she'd become a dead weight, and slowly moved his hands down her side, along the length of her arms. Not a word was said between them but it seemed they were able to find some amount of comfort in each other despite the tension still radiating in the air.
He just kept his hands moving, fiddling with her fingers before coming up to play with her hair before running down again. Suddenly, though, he felt something a little odd. He ran his fingers across her forearm over and over again, Kagome so deep in her thoughts that she didn't realize the significance of what he was touching until it was too late.
"What is this?" he asked, the evenness of his voice making her jumpy. She nonchalantly tried to pull her arm away but he was having none of it and grasped her wrist firmly.
"Oh, it's nothing, nothing at all!" she squeaked. "You know how clumsy I can be, I just fell, that's all."
He sat up then and grabbed her other hand, turning and rearranging her until her forearms were side by side. Twisting her arms gently he studied them in the differing light. The marks were barely visible, the pink tinged hue only a shade different than her own skin, and they were hardly raised at all from the rest of her arm, letting him know in only a short time they would be gone and she'd be healed completely. It was no wonder he'd missed them until now, as he didn't think he'd actually come into full contact with her forearms yet.
But as relieved as he was to know she wasn't severely or permanently injured his ire rose as he noticed there was an obvious pattern to the marks. Long parallel lines ran the length of skin from elbow to wrist and there was no way that would be natural from some sort of clumsy fall. She had been trying to hide something from him and he didn't like that at all.
"You're lying to me," he said, his voice dangerous and low. His mind was whirling with all the worst scenarios, of things that could cause such wounds and what reasons she would have to not tell him up front. "The truth, now."
She finally gave up tugging on her arms. "You don't want to know, trust me. You're better off for it."
Alarm bells went off in his head and he grasped her more tightly. "I don't care. Tell me."
Kagome could hear the slight note of panic in his voice and cursed herself. She had fervently hoped the cuts would've healed by then and she could avoid this whole confrontation. She didn't want to expose this other part of her life to him just yet but there was no way she could, in good conscience, let him worry about her like this, especially when she saw his eyes widen ever so slightly.
She sighed, burying her face in his shoulder. Feeling his question she just plunged right into her explanation, knowing there was no way she could get through her story looking him in the face and worrying about any expressions he made.
"There was...this boy I saw on the street. He was shot and I held him while he died."
His heart clenched for her, for having to bear witness to something so horrible, and he held her close as he knew it must be uncomfortable for her to revisit such memories. Still, despite that, his questions weren't answered and he wouldn't let her get away with such vagaries.
"Why was he shot?"
"He stole something." Inuyasha sighed inwardly. Apparently he was going to have to drag every word from her. He wasn't experienced in things like that so it could take a while.
"Who shot him?"
A pause. "The cops."
Something in him stilled. Things were going in a direction he didn't like, not at all. He glanced down at where his hand was slowly stroking over her arm and suddenly it clicked. He splayed his fingers and knew those slightly curved marks had been created by fingernails. No, not fingernails. Those wouldn't be sharp enough to do more than scrape, and certainly nothing deep enough to take this long to heal. The color and type of puckering told him these wounds had been there for at least a few weeks. And fingernails wouldn't be strong enough to inflict something like this, they'd break off or bend long before doing anything this severe.
So if not fingernails then...claws. A boy, shot dead for mere theft, with claws.
He choked on the answer. "He was hanyou?"
She nodded silently into his shoulder and he was stunned, then enraged. "Why the hell would you do something like that, you idiot! Claws like this could have torn you apart, not to mention siding with a hanyou against the law. You could get in trouble for being a sympathizer. Damn it, why would you endanger yourself like that?!"
Pounding her fist on his chest she glared at him. "How could I not?!" she yelled back at him. "He was only a child, around the same age as my brother, and he was shot for a petty crime. There was no way I could just let him die alone! No one deserves that kind of indignity. It was the only thing I could do for him so I did it." She was panting in rage and staring fiercely at him, just daring him to gainsay her on this.
He could only stare back, not able to comprehend what she was saying. "Why?" he asked, feeling suddenly lost.
She wasn't positive the direction of his question but took a stab at what she figured was at the heart of the matter anyhow. "Why would I help him when he was a hanyou, you mean? Inuyasha...not everything is black and white in this world. Maybe it is to some people but not to me. It didn't matter what kind of blood he had flowing through his veins, I only cared that it was spilling onto the road. I would have done the same thing had he been human or youkai."
Her anger gone she was depressed again by the direction of the conversation. "All I saw was a life being extinguished in front of me. How could anyone with even a modicum of compassion not go to him?"
She wrapped her arms around him, suddenly wary when she felt how incredibly tense he was. "You're not...angry, are you?"
He forcibly relaxed himself and turned to look at the top of her head, her face once again buried against his chest. His free hand came up to stroke her gently as he said, "Of course not, stupid." She hadn't realized how tense she was herself until she relaxed at his words.
Even as he held her though he tried to shield himself from the significance of her actions, of what he'd just discovered. She'd helped a boy, a hanyou boy, despite what she had to know would be a danger to herself. She'd held him in his death throes even as he'd cut up her arms with his claws. No one did things like that in real life. He still just couldn't wrap his mind around it.
Unless...she truly didn't care that the boy was a half-breed. Unless, like she said, she only saw someone dying and not his genetic composition. And if she didn't mind that the boy had been hanyou...
His entire being shuddered at the possibility he was trying to keep himself from grasping for, but he couldn't prevent himself from following the thought through.
So then...maybe she really didn't mind that he himself was hanyou.
No, he immediately rejected the idea and scoffed at it for being ridiculous. There was no way it couldn't bother her in some way so there had to be some sort of other explanation...right?
Kagome, meanwhile, was feeling exceedingly foolish. She was glad Inuyasha had seemed to drop the conversation of her encounter with the boy and that he hadn't read any further into it, hadn't questioned her further, leading her to reveal her involvement in the hanyou and youkai communities. She didn't want to dump that on him, as he'd probably somehow turn it around on himself and feel responsible for bringing her into a more dangerous lifestyle. Plus she still wanted his decisions about their relationship to be based solely on their relationship.
Which took her mind to darker matters. She felt like an idiot about asking him to kiss her earlier. Sometimes she felt so confident, thinking she knew what he felt even if he wouldn't admit it, but now she wondered if she was only really seeing what she wanted to see. What if she was pushing him to go places he just didn't want to go?
Almost inaudibly she mumbled, "I'm sorry," into his shoulder.
Inuyasha paused his alternating giddy and reeling thoughts to raise an eyebrow at her. “What for, wench?”
She shook her head against his shoulder and with a sigh he let it go.
There was really nothing more to say and the two of them were both physically and emotionally exhausted so within moments they were asleep.
~ ~ ~
Kagome rolled out of the bed after a short while, glad for once that she'd awoken with Inuyasha on the other side of the bed. It seemed to always happen in one of two ways: either he was sprawled out against the wall or was clutching onto her for dear life. Given the fact that she had some serious thinking to do at the moment, though, she appreciated how much easier this made it for her to get up without waking him as well.
She pulled the extra blanket with her, wrapping it around herself as she huddled on the floor by the foot of the bed, leaning back against the side of it. Her head fell back with a thud and she stared blankly at the craggy ceiling.
Was she really just fooling herself?
Thinking back, Inuyasha had reacted rather adamantly to her request for a kiss. Obviously it was either distasteful to him or he really didn't want to involve himself with her in any way other than physically. Then again...he wasn't really given the option of whether to involve himself physically either, not when he was a paid-for commodity.
She shuddered a little in revulsion at the thought.
It had seemed like things were going so well. They'd talked and she'd even finagled him finally into accepting her five-year proposal. The question was, was she really twisting his arm and getting him to go along with something he really didn't want?
No, actually, the question was whether this love was entirely unrequited or not. She'd been convinced for the last year that he really had cared for her and was just too preoccupied with their circumstances to act on it. But what if she was just being full of herself and that wasn't what was going on at all? She was the first person to treat him with any modicum of respect and kindness, aside from Ryu, and certainly the first client to do so. So of course he would be appreciative.
She could have smacked herself for the obviousness of it all. He could merely be 'repaying her for her kindness', as he intoned all the time, and she was simply reading into it whatever she wanted to see.
Then...did it have anything to do with her at all? Would he be acting the same had some other girl come in first and treated him well? For that matter, if another client came along now that respected him would he treat the new girl the same, or maybe even better than he was currently treating her?
The thought froze her in her tracks and she suddenly had trouble catching her breath.
Was his pushing her away his polite way of saying he wasn't interested as opposed to his inability to accept the way he felt? The more she thought about it, it certainly made sense. What if he didn't want to accept her offer of staying at her place because it would be awkward due to such a mismatched relationship? And his not wanting to make that five-year deal at all...maybe he just didn't want to lead her on. Even with what they eventually agreed upon, at the end of the specified time he only had to accept that she truly did love him, it said nothing about him in return.
Man, I'm an idiot. She couldn't repress the urge to hit herself repeatedly on the forehead but settled for only once for fear of waking Inuyasha from the sound her hand would make against her hollow head.
Still, still...she loved him, arrogant jerk and all. She tried to perk herself up. It wasn't like he had to return her feelings this very moment. She had five years to convince him, right? Even if that didn't work she could keep pestering him until she died if he was too pig-headed to accept her. Unless of course he was blatantly clear and utterly broke her heart...
No, she shook her head. Even then she had to stay strong. She had told him she was committed to him and she would try her hardest to be by his side for everything. She had to hope that was enough and if it wasn't it wasn't. There was only so much she could worry about right then.
~ ~ ~
Inuyasha woke slowly to the delicious knowledge that Kagome was nearby. His time perception was off though and he was still asleep enough that he couldn't tell if he was partially dreaming and just remembering the last time she'd been there or if she really were there with him. The strength of her scent permeating the air around him though led him to believe, or at least hope, the latter. Groggily he groped at the space around him, searching the bed for her but only finding cold sheets.
Rousing himself fully he flipped to his other side and saw the back of her head peeking over the side of bed. Why on earth was she sitting on his cold, concrete floor when she could be in his very warm, comfortable bed with a very warm, cozy him?
"Whatch'ya doing down there?"
"Setting up a picnic," she said without turning around.
He negligently leaned out of the bed to take a peek at her handiwork. She'd gotten dressed - unfortunately - but still had his blanket draped loosely around her shoulders. Aside from that she had another blanket spread on the ground; it was pink so she most definitely had to have brought that from home. Best of all there was food spread out - in an actual picnic basket no less. Where on earth she'd managed to stash that he wasn't sure but the touch was mildly impressive. After all, he'd never had the luxury of a genuine outdoor picnic so the idea was novel to him.
Still, something seemed slightly off, and her shoulders were slumped entirely too much to be considered healthy. "You all right?" he asked cautiously.
She turned to him with a wide, fake smile he saw through immediately despite its brilliance. "Yeah, sure, I'm great."
He stared at her thoughtfully as she turned back around. He didn't prod further because he didn't want to push her, plus he wasn't entirely sure he wanted to know what was wrong.
Instead he crawled out of the bed, excited at the prospect of food - especially if it meant he wouldn't have to deal with the shitheads in the cafeteria or send her out to pick something up. He didn't want to admit it, even to himself, but he was more comfortable that she hadn't left his quarters yet. He still worried he was dreaming up this whole thing about her coming back. Plus there was always the chance that something would happen while she was out, like Kazuma would get his slimy hands on her or she'd run into Kouga again. Despite what she'd said about her former relationship with him she'd still been entirely too close to the ookami for his taste.
When she wouldn't look at him, even after he sat down, he finally got the idea and pulled on a pair of old, torn up sweat pants. He sniggered about the idea of her being distracted seeing him naked while eating and was tempted to heckle her about it, but ultimately decided the call of food was stronger.
She pushed the basket directly in front of him and he dug in without question, hungry enough that he didn't care that there were only rice balls. She blushed slightly, despite the fact that he hadn't said anything. "I made this all at home and had to pack stuff that wouldn't go bad without any refrigeration."
"I ain't complaining," he shrugged. Although, now that his stomach wasn't growling fiercely at him... "Why haven't you eaten anything yet? You had to be up ages before me."
Ducking her head she replied, "I thought it would be rude to start without you. Besides, all my guy friends back home can eat me under the table and seem be hungry all the time, so I figured you'd be famished and wanted to make sure you got enough to eat first."
He paused then, picked up the largest rice ball he saw, and placed it firmly in her hand. "Eat," he commanded. Surprisingly she obliged without a word of argument and he grunted his approval before digging back into the meal.
Around his seventh or eighth one he finally slowed enough to wonder about something. "Where'd all this stuff come from?" Kagome, her mouth gratifyingly full of rice at the moment, nodded over toward her enormous yellow bag. He hadn't noticed the monstrosity earlier, what with being occupied with other more interesting activities than looking around the room, but he was surprised to see it wasn't even empty yet - and that after she'd removed the blanket, the clothes she was wearing, the food, and that danged basket that he still didn't understand how had fit in there with everything else. How the hell did she manage to carry that thing without falling over anyhow?
"What you still got in there, kitchen sink?"
"Oh!" she intoned brightly, quickly sitting up straight. "That reminds me..." She crawled over to the bag and pulled out a heap of red cloth before making her way back over to him. "This is for you." She thrust it right into his arms, which was a bit awkward since he had food in each hand. Able to tell by its weight that there wasn't anything hidden inside the cloth he let it drop into his lap so he could put the rice balls down, dusted off his hands, then picked the item back up to inspect it.
It appeared to be..."A sweater?" It also seemed a bit lopsided and lumpy, not that he'd ever say that out loud for fear of his life. "You make this?"
At that she laughed. "Oh, no, I wouldn't be able to get it even that good. My mom knitted it for you. She's gotten much better though, as you can see." She shrugged off the blanket and he saw a duplicate of his own sweater in purple, except much lumpier, a couple small sections unraveling, and at least three sizes too big. "By the way, she made this for me when I was 12," she finished off ironically. Yes, he agreed silently, it must have looked horrible on her at that age.
He couldn't help the sardonic grin, even as he slipped the red mass over his head. Surprisingly enough it fit rather well, despite pulling in a couple odd places. "Hn, how'd she remember my size so well?"
At that Kagome's eyes dimmed, just a bit. "She didn't have to remember, she made it while you were still home with me. She was going to give it to you as a goodbye present but..." She didn't have to finish. With his abrupt departure none of them had gotten a chance to say goodbye. Shit, he hadn't even thought about her family.
"Well, anyhow," she said brightly, trying to shrug off the mood, "you have it now. Granted, it's not as useful since it's the beginning of summer, but they're pretty comfy regardless."
She picked at her sweater and sitting there, staring at her, he found he didn’t desire anything so much as to just grab her and hold her, as if that would somehow make the world go away and their being together all right. Of course he didn’t act on such a stupid impulse, he’d learned long before that wishes didn’t have anything to do with how things really worked, but the strength of his want would have rocked him to his knees were he not already sitting.
So to cover for himself he groused and bit into one of the last two remaining rice balls in his lap, grunting when his other hand only hit wicker. Gone already, huh? "You got any more food in that monster bag of yours?"
She shrugged noncommittally, holding back the information that she had more food in her bag, but she wanted her stash to hold them for as long as possible; she didn't want to be parted from him any sooner than she had to. Still, with the way things were going, she might need to find an excuse to leave sometime soon anyhow just to allow them both to keep their sanity. On that note... she thought wryly. There was one matter that she just absolutely had to get off her chest otherwise she might go crazy worrying about it later.
Kagome knew it was stupid of her, that she'd be ruining the tentative peace they'd just regained, but she couldn't let it go until she said it out loud. “By the way, I’m sorry…you know, for earlier.”
It took him a moment to catch on to what she meant but then he shrugged. “What’s to worry about? You asked a question, you got an answer. No big deal.”
She wanted to tell him that it was a big deal but figured she’d be digging herself in deep enough as it was in just a moment. No need to give on just how much it had affected her. "Well, just so you know...I'll always want to kiss you. It's just natural for me. Please, though, don't feel pressured to do anything - I wouldn't even want it if it wasn't freely given."
She hunched her shoulders and buried her face further into her knees, muffling her voice, embarrassment heightening the awkwardness of the situation. "I guess I'm just trying to apologize in advance if I try or ask again in the future, but I'll try to be good. Like I said earlier, don't you dare do anything you don't want, even if I do ask." He was glad to hear the little bit of steel reassert itself in her voice on that last.
"If you ever do decide you want to though..." Trailing off she shrugged. How could she really finish that anyhow? I'll be more than ready? Didn't that sound really pushy or needy? She knew she had to appear bad enough as it was so she didn't need to dig herself in any further.
Inuyasha bit into his finger instead of the rice ball and he cursed under his breath as he tried to figure out what to say that wouldn't incite her anger or get her even more depressed than she appeared to be making herself already. "You know we got those rules for a reason, Kagome..."
"Yeah, I know." She sighed. It's because you don't want to get too close.
Seeing her huddle in a little more on herself he figured she'd taken the sad route, though how she'd gotten that from a reminder of the Shrine rules he'd never know. Still, he was torn because he wanted to help her, to make her feel better, but he didn’t want to encourage her delusions about what she felt for him. Figuring the best way to pull her from her thoughts would be to make her angry, he started in on her:
Loudly smacking his lips he complained, "What, is that really all you brought? Couldn't you have fit more food in that bag, especially with as much as you wore me out the last couple days?"
Kagome glared at him, her eyes suddenly seething. "You ungrateful jerk! I didn't have to make you food at all, I hope you know, and you didn't even say 'thank you.' Now you have the gall to ask for more? You are completely unbelievable!" With a huff she stood and for a minute he worried he'd aggravated her enough she was going to storm right out. He'd still prefer to have a sullen Kagome with him than no Kagome at all. Just as he opened his mouth to call her back though she squatted down and started rummaging through her bag, throwing things all over the place. She pulled out a bundle covered in plastic wrap and lobbed it at his head. "There, you happy?"
He caught it easily, much to her further annoyance and his great amusement, and as he looked down he poked at it as he inspected the package. "Food?"
She crossed her arms sat back down next to him, not quite touching but close enough that he could easily close the gap if he leaned in. He did just that and felt her relax against him immediately. She must have been more wired than he'd thought.
"Yeah, food," she replied and laid her head against his shoulder. It seemed her sleep deprivation was finally catching up with her now that she'd worried herself out. "And no, before you even ask, there isn't any more; that's the last of it. I'd been hoping to hold onto it for a little longer so I could postpone having to brave this lovely city of yours," she said, her voice dripping sarcasm, "but as it stands next time we're hungry I'll just have to go find us some grub."
Inuyasha, having no luck finding the end of the blasted plastic wrap, finally just dug in his claws and pulled out the first morsel of food, holding it to Kagome's lips. "Eat," he commanded.
She tried to push it away. "You first, I made it for you after all. Besides, I'm still tired and just want to sleep now."
Not to be deterred, however, he just pushed the food more insistently against her mouth. "Food first, then you can sleep as long as you want." When she didn't comply immediately he threatened, "You know I have no problem forcing you to eat..."
That did it but Kagome only ate a little bit before nodding off to sleep against his shoulder even as he finished off the rest of the food. The last thing she was aware of was being gently lifted and tucked into the bed against a warm body and she smiled softly at the feel of his sweater underneath her cheek.
~ ~ ~
A/N: eh, not much to say this time around.
But nice catch to jaimed1968 about Inuyasha not noticing Kagome’s wounds. I’d purposefully had them preoccupied to put off another emotional drama for them. Her forearms the first days were always facing away from him or behind his back, so nothing to really notice yet. Oh how I love dashing Kagome’s poor hopes at subversion.
Thanks all for your continued support and thanks to Akihana as always for playing beta. Til next time.
~ ~ ~
Original posting: March 25, 2008
~ ~ ~
Chapter 17: Tension----- intense, suppressed suspense, anxiety, or excitement----- a strained relationship between individuals
~ ~ ~
Kagome felt the mattress shift beneath her and groggily stepped down from the dream world when she heard water sloshing, which didn't make sense in either setting. She opened her eyes to the glorious sight of Inuyasha's naked back as he hurriedly toweled off from his impromptu sponge bath, just before slipping into some pants.
"Huh?" she muttered intelligently, wiping the sleep from her eyes. "Where you going?"
He shifted and for a moment she thought he almost looked uncomfortable. "I gotta go get my testing done."
"Test?" she repeated. "What subject? And why do you have to get it done at-" she squinted at the clock, "2pm? Aren't you usually sleeping right about now - like we should be doing?"
"No dummy." He rolled his eyes at her. "My weekly blood draw? It's done at the healing shrine next door and they prefer to keep more normal hours."
At that she sat up and slapped her cheeks lightly. "Am I really just that far asleep still or is there a reason I should know what the heck you're talking about?"
"You do know about our health and safety checks, right?" he said leadingly. At her blank stare he groaned. "For- You don't know anything about this place, do you?"
She just held up her hands and he took a moment to pull on a shirt. "We gotta get checked once a week to make sure we didn't catch anything from any clients and to make sure that if we did we won't pass it on to anyone else."
At her look of growing comprehension - and horror - he shrugged. "Comes with the job description. Government safety standards and all that bull. Plus all the females get pregnancy tests once a month and that's where all us guys get restocked up on our condom supplies." Her eyes just widened and he cursed softly. "Oh c'mon, you had to at least know that much, right? I mean it's common sense."
She managed a sheepish little smile that he took to mean she hadn't. Walking over to the corner he pulled out the pitcher and started to wipe down his face and neck. "Why in the world hasn't Ryu caught you up to speed yet then? He's gotta know that Kazuma didn't tell you shit." Wringing out the cloth he continued, "So if you didn't know about then at least that explains why you never requested I use any protection - it is up to the customer's prerogative, ya know."
Suddenly with great delicacy he put everything down and spoke slowly. "Wait a minute...if I wasn't..." Without warning he spun on her. "Damn it, you really could have ended up pregnant, wench!"
"No, no, no!" she yelled, holding up her hands as if warding him off. "I've been on birth control the whole time, I swear!"
He stared her down a long moment but apparently decided that was good enough and nodded. "Fine. Hell, you've probably come up against most of the major rules by now so hopefully there won't be anymore surprises."
She crossed her arms and glared at him, unwilling to admit what he said was true. Besides, it wasn't her fault she didn't know anything about the darn place. She'd put the miscommunication on her list of complaints to the administration...right after the abuse of her favorite hanyou.
"So...why haven't I ever seen you go get tested before?" she asked.
"You ain't never stayed with me all day before." She nodded. That was true enough, and the thought that she was getting away with doing so now sent excited little chills all through her body.
As she backtracked her way through the conversation, just to make sure she'd absorbed everything now that she was over her shock, she latched onto something that stuck out to her. "But if you're the only hanyou here then how can they check you by a blood test? I mean, wouldn't the DNA coding be different enough from both youkai and ningen to have trouble diagnosing?"
Inuyasha's eyebrows shot up. Where on earth had such an in-depth question come from, and on that of all things? "Naw, it's close enough. They actually run it on both the demon and human tests and then a mixed version they created. Besides, they’re just searching the blood for a disease; they couldn’t care less about my DNA. Plus a lot can just be visually diagnosed." Kagome cringed at that idea.
"Don’t worry about it,” he griped at her. “All my clients are real careful when they come in because they know if they get me infected I'm off the market and then they don't have anyone to toy around with. Pays for them to make sure they keep clean." He wouldn't add that he thought some clients did have one STD or another but those were part of a particular group of his customers. Those sickos didn't actually have any sexual contact with him at all, they just got off touching themselves and ripping him a new one. Assholes.
Kagome pulled him from his ramblings when she suddenly started bouncing up and down on the bed, though it wasn't helping his concentration at all that she hadn't put on a top, so it took him a second to catch on to what she was saying. "...Can I have some of your blood?"
"What the-?" Shaking his head he stuck his fingers into his ears to clear them out. "Come again?"
She gave him a patronizing look as she finally caught on and brought the sheet up to cover herself. "I said I've been working with a doctor at medical school and we were wondering how hanyou DNA compared across the board so I was wondering if you'd mind letting me have a sample of your blood?"
Her expression was strange, a sort of cringe mixed with a smile, and he gathered that was her hoping for a 'yes' but expecting a 'no'. But, he figured, he'd shed blood for every single one of his other clients so why not her as well? "As long as you're not planning to use it to take over the world I guess that's fine."
"And if I am?" she said smiling. After all, she wanted a worldwide revolution where hanyou could live freely, so this could very well be a first step, no? She giggled at the thought.
He pondered that a long time and Kagome started to worry he'd taken her seriously. "Nah," he said, straight-faced, "you're not the domineering type."
"Why you-!" she yelled, throwing a pillow that he avoided easily, snickering at her. "I'll show you when you get back."
That he took as his cue to leave. Opening the door he gave her a mock bow, speaking derisively, "Yeah, we'll see." Closing the door swiftly behind him he couldn't help but chuckle as he heard something connect solidly behind him.
Spirits lifted, especially knowing that, despite her temper, he'd still have her waiting for him when he returned, he strolled leisurely down the corridor.
~ ~ ~
After muttering to herself a good while about arrogant hanyou Kagome finally settled herself down enough to doze lightly for a while. Despite still being tired she wasn't able to stay asleep as she kept coming up with different plans of just what she would do to Inuyasha to prove herself when he came in that door. Luckily she didn't have long to wait or else her nerves would have been on end.
When he strolled in she graced him with one of the most wicked grins he could recall in recent memory, which was why he was disappointed when it left her mouth so she could form her words. "Where's the blood?" she asked, arching an eyebrow.
He poked a thumb at his chest. "Right here, keeping me alive - where do you think, woman?" Suddenly it clicked. "Oh, you do remember blood goes bad quickly and without refrigeration, right?"
Her face instantly bloomed crimson and he smirked at her discomfort. "Should I be scared for any of your future patients?"
"Oh, shut up!" she pouted. "Sorry if I my mind was occupied with other things at the moment."
Pulling his shirt off slowly, enjoying her eyes on him, he asked, "Well then...you wanna get to those other things." Waggling his eyebrows for effect he had Kagome holding her sides.
"Most assuredly," she enthused. "On the bed, now."
"Yes, ma'am," he answered, then with a motion that seemed effortless pushed off and leaped the length of the room to land on the mattress, careful to grab hold of Kagome so she didn't go sprawling off the bed with the impact.
"So what you got planned?" he whispered against the shell of her ear and she had to fight the heady feeling from his lips brushing against her. Pulling back from him she then leaned forward, grasping one of the manacles and opening it for him. Without a word he let himself be locked in and she paused carefully, knowing the dynamic was different from the last time she'd had him in cuffs since he had no chance of breaking these if he got uncomfortable with the situation.
"Okay, now", she said with a levity in her voice despite how her eyes said she was dead serious, "do you need a safeword?"
He was surprised she even knew what a safeword was, let alone that she'd offer to give him such a free way out if he didn't like where she was going with things. Did she expect him to need the safety? That was a galling thought. Still…what did she take him for, a total pansy? He got dealt stuff every night she could probably never comprehend, and would hopefully never need to know about, so he was sure he'd be fine enough with her.
"Why would I need one? You didn't when I had you in these last night."
She rolled her eyes. "That could be because you never gave me the choice. Besides, I trust you so there's no need." The implication lingered that he didn't return the sentiment. "So, what you think?"
Chin up he sniffed. "Course not, wench."
She couldn't say his reply surprised her. He was nothing if not stubborn and, as always, showed that strange contradiction of self-deprecation and pride that made him somewhat unpredictable and sometimes tricky to deal with. She had figured it might be a blow but she knew she had to offer, seeing as how she was holding complete power in the situation at this point and that had to goad him. Then her eyes snapped open as she realized what had just happened; he'd negated any indication he would need a safeword, meaning...he might just be learning to trust her.
With a squeal of glee she threw herself on him, ignoring his undignified 'oof' as she busied herself kissing every available inch of skin she could reach. It wasn't long though before the kisses became less exuberant and more seductive, longer, and more drugging as they both quickly succumbed to the passion that lay between them. With only his shirt off she worked her way up from his stomach to his chest, his shoulders, his neck, his jawline, then finally his face. When she kissed her way across his cheek he quickly shifted his head away when she got too close to his mouth.
Already short of breath she pulled back and panted out, "Inuyasha, I want to kiss you." His face remained averted so she threw in an impassioned, "Please?"
Finally he answered, "You're the one paying, I'll do what you tell me to do."
Kagome couldn't help it. She slapped her hand down so hard on his chest she knew it had to have left a red mark. "I'll have you know that's the worst answer you could have possibly given me. I'd prefer it if you just said no! It's not like I'll force you to do something you don't want to. What do you think that whole 'safeword' thing was about?"
"What? It's the truth!" he yelled back, automatically on the defense.
"Is that what you really think about me?"
"What-"
"No," she cut off, "don't answer that." She rested her forehead in her palm and shook her head. "Okay, new rule."
He didn't like the sound of that.
"You have to do whatever the client wants, right?"
No, he definitely didn't like the sound of that.
"Right," she continued without waiting for a response. "So here it is. From now on I don't want you to do anything with me you don't want to do. That means you don't have to joke with me, eat with me, let me stay here during the daytime, heck, you don't even have to sleep with me if you don't want. The only thing I'll ask is that you not kick me out altogether, seeing as I do kinda enjoy being around you and all and did pay for the privilege - but in my mind that's all I paid for, the joy of your company and that's it. Period. Anything else is at your discretion, got it?"
Inuyasha just stared at her in confusion and growing wonder. Didn't she understand that all he was good for was fulfilling other people's fantasies? Even she'd been no different, her fantasies had just been nicer and a bit more personal. So now she wanted to take herself completely out of the equation and leave it up to him? What the hell did that even mean? Was she just playing around or was she serious? Either way it made her crazy.
"Inuyasha..." she ground out. Apparently she was being serious and wasn't taking kindly to his lack of affirmation.
"Uh, yeah, got it," he replied eloquently.
Immediately she leaned forward and started undoing the manacles, saying, "Good," just as she got the first one off.
Not sure where she was going with things now he asked, "What are you doing?"
The second cuff opened with a clank and Kagome plopped down next to him, turning toward the wall and laying on her side, curled up on herself, breaking all contact with him. "I'm not in the mood anymore. Let's just go back to sleep."
He was tempted to be a bit snide about it and ask what would happen if he didn’t want to but he just couldn’t bring himself to do it. Besides…it bothered him her acting that way. He just mutely wrapped his arms around her, not completely following what had just happened. Why on earth had she reacted so strongly to that? It was just the reality of their situation; he thought she'd accepted that by now. So was she more bothered by his not kissing her or his response?
His mind fumbled around as he tried to understand her reasoning. All he knew was that he had upset her and he didn't like that at all. He pulled her closer against him where she'd become a dead weight, and slowly moved his hands down her side, along the length of her arms. Not a word was said between them but it seemed they were able to find some amount of comfort in each other despite the tension still radiating in the air.
He just kept his hands moving, fiddling with her fingers before coming up to play with her hair before running down again. Suddenly, though, he felt something a little odd. He ran his fingers across her forearm over and over again, Kagome so deep in her thoughts that she didn't realize the significance of what he was touching until it was too late.
"What is this?" he asked, the evenness of his voice making her jumpy. She nonchalantly tried to pull her arm away but he was having none of it and grasped her wrist firmly.
"Oh, it's nothing, nothing at all!" she squeaked. "You know how clumsy I can be, I just fell, that's all."
He sat up then and grabbed her other hand, turning and rearranging her until her forearms were side by side. Twisting her arms gently he studied them in the differing light. The marks were barely visible, the pink tinged hue only a shade different than her own skin, and they were hardly raised at all from the rest of her arm, letting him know in only a short time they would be gone and she'd be healed completely. It was no wonder he'd missed them until now, as he didn't think he'd actually come into full contact with her forearms yet.
But as relieved as he was to know she wasn't severely or permanently injured his ire rose as he noticed there was an obvious pattern to the marks. Long parallel lines ran the length of skin from elbow to wrist and there was no way that would be natural from some sort of clumsy fall. She had been trying to hide something from him and he didn't like that at all.
"You're lying to me," he said, his voice dangerous and low. His mind was whirling with all the worst scenarios, of things that could cause such wounds and what reasons she would have to not tell him up front. "The truth, now."
She finally gave up tugging on her arms. "You don't want to know, trust me. You're better off for it."
Alarm bells went off in his head and he grasped her more tightly. "I don't care. Tell me."
Kagome could hear the slight note of panic in his voice and cursed herself. She had fervently hoped the cuts would've healed by then and she could avoid this whole confrontation. She didn't want to expose this other part of her life to him just yet but there was no way she could, in good conscience, let him worry about her like this, especially when she saw his eyes widen ever so slightly.
She sighed, burying her face in his shoulder. Feeling his question she just plunged right into her explanation, knowing there was no way she could get through her story looking him in the face and worrying about any expressions he made.
"There was...this boy I saw on the street. He was shot and I held him while he died."
His heart clenched for her, for having to bear witness to something so horrible, and he held her close as he knew it must be uncomfortable for her to revisit such memories. Still, despite that, his questions weren't answered and he wouldn't let her get away with such vagaries.
"Why was he shot?"
"He stole something." Inuyasha sighed inwardly. Apparently he was going to have to drag every word from her. He wasn't experienced in things like that so it could take a while.
"Who shot him?"
A pause. "The cops."
Something in him stilled. Things were going in a direction he didn't like, not at all. He glanced down at where his hand was slowly stroking over her arm and suddenly it clicked. He splayed his fingers and knew those slightly curved marks had been created by fingernails. No, not fingernails. Those wouldn't be sharp enough to do more than scrape, and certainly nothing deep enough to take this long to heal. The color and type of puckering told him these wounds had been there for at least a few weeks. And fingernails wouldn't be strong enough to inflict something like this, they'd break off or bend long before doing anything this severe.
So if not fingernails then...claws. A boy, shot dead for mere theft, with claws.
He choked on the answer. "He was hanyou?"
She nodded silently into his shoulder and he was stunned, then enraged. "Why the hell would you do something like that, you idiot! Claws like this could have torn you apart, not to mention siding with a hanyou against the law. You could get in trouble for being a sympathizer. Damn it, why would you endanger yourself like that?!"
Pounding her fist on his chest she glared at him. "How could I not?!" she yelled back at him. "He was only a child, around the same age as my brother, and he was shot for a petty crime. There was no way I could just let him die alone! No one deserves that kind of indignity. It was the only thing I could do for him so I did it." She was panting in rage and staring fiercely at him, just daring him to gainsay her on this.
He could only stare back, not able to comprehend what she was saying. "Why?" he asked, feeling suddenly lost.
She wasn't positive the direction of his question but took a stab at what she figured was at the heart of the matter anyhow. "Why would I help him when he was a hanyou, you mean? Inuyasha...not everything is black and white in this world. Maybe it is to some people but not to me. It didn't matter what kind of blood he had flowing through his veins, I only cared that it was spilling onto the road. I would have done the same thing had he been human or youkai."
Her anger gone she was depressed again by the direction of the conversation. "All I saw was a life being extinguished in front of me. How could anyone with even a modicum of compassion not go to him?"
She wrapped her arms around him, suddenly wary when she felt how incredibly tense he was. "You're not...angry, are you?"
He forcibly relaxed himself and turned to look at the top of her head, her face once again buried against his chest. His free hand came up to stroke her gently as he said, "Of course not, stupid." She hadn't realized how tense she was herself until she relaxed at his words.
Even as he held her though he tried to shield himself from the significance of her actions, of what he'd just discovered. She'd helped a boy, a hanyou boy, despite what she had to know would be a danger to herself. She'd held him in his death throes even as he'd cut up her arms with his claws. No one did things like that in real life. He still just couldn't wrap his mind around it.
Unless...she truly didn't care that the boy was a half-breed. Unless, like she said, she only saw someone dying and not his genetic composition. And if she didn't mind that the boy had been hanyou...
His entire being shuddered at the possibility he was trying to keep himself from grasping for, but he couldn't prevent himself from following the thought through.
So then...maybe she really didn't mind that he himself was hanyou.
No, he immediately rejected the idea and scoffed at it for being ridiculous. There was no way it couldn't bother her in some way so there had to be some sort of other explanation...right?
Kagome, meanwhile, was feeling exceedingly foolish. She was glad Inuyasha had seemed to drop the conversation of her encounter with the boy and that he hadn't read any further into it, hadn't questioned her further, leading her to reveal her involvement in the hanyou and youkai communities. She didn't want to dump that on him, as he'd probably somehow turn it around on himself and feel responsible for bringing her into a more dangerous lifestyle. Plus she still wanted his decisions about their relationship to be based solely on their relationship.
Which took her mind to darker matters. She felt like an idiot about asking him to kiss her earlier. Sometimes she felt so confident, thinking she knew what he felt even if he wouldn't admit it, but now she wondered if she was only really seeing what she wanted to see. What if she was pushing him to go places he just didn't want to go?
Almost inaudibly she mumbled, "I'm sorry," into his shoulder.
Inuyasha paused his alternating giddy and reeling thoughts to raise an eyebrow at her. “What for, wench?”
She shook her head against his shoulder and with a sigh he let it go.
There was really nothing more to say and the two of them were both physically and emotionally exhausted so within moments they were asleep.
~ ~ ~
Kagome rolled out of the bed after a short while, glad for once that she'd awoken with Inuyasha on the other side of the bed. It seemed to always happen in one of two ways: either he was sprawled out against the wall or was clutching onto her for dear life. Given the fact that she had some serious thinking to do at the moment, though, she appreciated how much easier this made it for her to get up without waking him as well.
She pulled the extra blanket with her, wrapping it around herself as she huddled on the floor by the foot of the bed, leaning back against the side of it. Her head fell back with a thud and she stared blankly at the craggy ceiling.
Was she really just fooling herself?
Thinking back, Inuyasha had reacted rather adamantly to her request for a kiss. Obviously it was either distasteful to him or he really didn't want to involve himself with her in any way other than physically. Then again...he wasn't really given the option of whether to involve himself physically either, not when he was a paid-for commodity.
She shuddered a little in revulsion at the thought.
It had seemed like things were going so well. They'd talked and she'd even finagled him finally into accepting her five-year proposal. The question was, was she really twisting his arm and getting him to go along with something he really didn't want?
No, actually, the question was whether this love was entirely unrequited or not. She'd been convinced for the last year that he really had cared for her and was just too preoccupied with their circumstances to act on it. But what if she was just being full of herself and that wasn't what was going on at all? She was the first person to treat him with any modicum of respect and kindness, aside from Ryu, and certainly the first client to do so. So of course he would be appreciative.
She could have smacked herself for the obviousness of it all. He could merely be 'repaying her for her kindness', as he intoned all the time, and she was simply reading into it whatever she wanted to see.
Then...did it have anything to do with her at all? Would he be acting the same had some other girl come in first and treated him well? For that matter, if another client came along now that respected him would he treat the new girl the same, or maybe even better than he was currently treating her?
The thought froze her in her tracks and she suddenly had trouble catching her breath.
Was his pushing her away his polite way of saying he wasn't interested as opposed to his inability to accept the way he felt? The more she thought about it, it certainly made sense. What if he didn't want to accept her offer of staying at her place because it would be awkward due to such a mismatched relationship? And his not wanting to make that five-year deal at all...maybe he just didn't want to lead her on. Even with what they eventually agreed upon, at the end of the specified time he only had to accept that she truly did love him, it said nothing about him in return.
Man, I'm an idiot. She couldn't repress the urge to hit herself repeatedly on the forehead but settled for only once for fear of waking Inuyasha from the sound her hand would make against her hollow head.
Still, still...she loved him, arrogant jerk and all. She tried to perk herself up. It wasn't like he had to return her feelings this very moment. She had five years to convince him, right? Even if that didn't work she could keep pestering him until she died if he was too pig-headed to accept her. Unless of course he was blatantly clear and utterly broke her heart...
No, she shook her head. Even then she had to stay strong. She had told him she was committed to him and she would try her hardest to be by his side for everything. She had to hope that was enough and if it wasn't it wasn't. There was only so much she could worry about right then.
~ ~ ~
Inuyasha woke slowly to the delicious knowledge that Kagome was nearby. His time perception was off though and he was still asleep enough that he couldn't tell if he was partially dreaming and just remembering the last time she'd been there or if she really were there with him. The strength of her scent permeating the air around him though led him to believe, or at least hope, the latter. Groggily he groped at the space around him, searching the bed for her but only finding cold sheets.
Rousing himself fully he flipped to his other side and saw the back of her head peeking over the side of bed. Why on earth was she sitting on his cold, concrete floor when she could be in his very warm, comfortable bed with a very warm, cozy him?
"Whatch'ya doing down there?"
"Setting up a picnic," she said without turning around.
He negligently leaned out of the bed to take a peek at her handiwork. She'd gotten dressed - unfortunately - but still had his blanket draped loosely around her shoulders. Aside from that she had another blanket spread on the ground; it was pink so she most definitely had to have brought that from home. Best of all there was food spread out - in an actual picnic basket no less. Where on earth she'd managed to stash that he wasn't sure but the touch was mildly impressive. After all, he'd never had the luxury of a genuine outdoor picnic so the idea was novel to him.
Still, something seemed slightly off, and her shoulders were slumped entirely too much to be considered healthy. "You all right?" he asked cautiously.
She turned to him with a wide, fake smile he saw through immediately despite its brilliance. "Yeah, sure, I'm great."
He stared at her thoughtfully as she turned back around. He didn't prod further because he didn't want to push her, plus he wasn't entirely sure he wanted to know what was wrong.
Instead he crawled out of the bed, excited at the prospect of food - especially if it meant he wouldn't have to deal with the shitheads in the cafeteria or send her out to pick something up. He didn't want to admit it, even to himself, but he was more comfortable that she hadn't left his quarters yet. He still worried he was dreaming up this whole thing about her coming back. Plus there was always the chance that something would happen while she was out, like Kazuma would get his slimy hands on her or she'd run into Kouga again. Despite what she'd said about her former relationship with him she'd still been entirely too close to the ookami for his taste.
When she wouldn't look at him, even after he sat down, he finally got the idea and pulled on a pair of old, torn up sweat pants. He sniggered about the idea of her being distracted seeing him naked while eating and was tempted to heckle her about it, but ultimately decided the call of food was stronger.
She pushed the basket directly in front of him and he dug in without question, hungry enough that he didn't care that there were only rice balls. She blushed slightly, despite the fact that he hadn't said anything. "I made this all at home and had to pack stuff that wouldn't go bad without any refrigeration."
"I ain't complaining," he shrugged. Although, now that his stomach wasn't growling fiercely at him... "Why haven't you eaten anything yet? You had to be up ages before me."
Ducking her head she replied, "I thought it would be rude to start without you. Besides, all my guy friends back home can eat me under the table and seem be hungry all the time, so I figured you'd be famished and wanted to make sure you got enough to eat first."
He paused then, picked up the largest rice ball he saw, and placed it firmly in her hand. "Eat," he commanded. Surprisingly she obliged without a word of argument and he grunted his approval before digging back into the meal.
Around his seventh or eighth one he finally slowed enough to wonder about something. "Where'd all this stuff come from?" Kagome, her mouth gratifyingly full of rice at the moment, nodded over toward her enormous yellow bag. He hadn't noticed the monstrosity earlier, what with being occupied with other more interesting activities than looking around the room, but he was surprised to see it wasn't even empty yet - and that after she'd removed the blanket, the clothes she was wearing, the food, and that danged basket that he still didn't understand how had fit in there with everything else. How the hell did she manage to carry that thing without falling over anyhow?
"What you still got in there, kitchen sink?"
"Oh!" she intoned brightly, quickly sitting up straight. "That reminds me..." She crawled over to the bag and pulled out a heap of red cloth before making her way back over to him. "This is for you." She thrust it right into his arms, which was a bit awkward since he had food in each hand. Able to tell by its weight that there wasn't anything hidden inside the cloth he let it drop into his lap so he could put the rice balls down, dusted off his hands, then picked the item back up to inspect it.
It appeared to be..."A sweater?" It also seemed a bit lopsided and lumpy, not that he'd ever say that out loud for fear of his life. "You make this?"
At that she laughed. "Oh, no, I wouldn't be able to get it even that good. My mom knitted it for you. She's gotten much better though, as you can see." She shrugged off the blanket and he saw a duplicate of his own sweater in purple, except much lumpier, a couple small sections unraveling, and at least three sizes too big. "By the way, she made this for me when I was 12," she finished off ironically. Yes, he agreed silently, it must have looked horrible on her at that age.
He couldn't help the sardonic grin, even as he slipped the red mass over his head. Surprisingly enough it fit rather well, despite pulling in a couple odd places. "Hn, how'd she remember my size so well?"
At that Kagome's eyes dimmed, just a bit. "She didn't have to remember, she made it while you were still home with me. She was going to give it to you as a goodbye present but..." She didn't have to finish. With his abrupt departure none of them had gotten a chance to say goodbye. Shit, he hadn't even thought about her family.
"Well, anyhow," she said brightly, trying to shrug off the mood, "you have it now. Granted, it's not as useful since it's the beginning of summer, but they're pretty comfy regardless."
She picked at her sweater and sitting there, staring at her, he found he didn’t desire anything so much as to just grab her and hold her, as if that would somehow make the world go away and their being together all right. Of course he didn’t act on such a stupid impulse, he’d learned long before that wishes didn’t have anything to do with how things really worked, but the strength of his want would have rocked him to his knees were he not already sitting.
So to cover for himself he groused and bit into one of the last two remaining rice balls in his lap, grunting when his other hand only hit wicker. Gone already, huh? "You got any more food in that monster bag of yours?"
She shrugged noncommittally, holding back the information that she had more food in her bag, but she wanted her stash to hold them for as long as possible; she didn't want to be parted from him any sooner than she had to. Still, with the way things were going, she might need to find an excuse to leave sometime soon anyhow just to allow them both to keep their sanity. On that note... she thought wryly. There was one matter that she just absolutely had to get off her chest otherwise she might go crazy worrying about it later.
Kagome knew it was stupid of her, that she'd be ruining the tentative peace they'd just regained, but she couldn't let it go until she said it out loud. “By the way, I’m sorry…you know, for earlier.”
It took him a moment to catch on to what she meant but then he shrugged. “What’s to worry about? You asked a question, you got an answer. No big deal.”
She wanted to tell him that it was a big deal but figured she’d be digging herself in deep enough as it was in just a moment. No need to give on just how much it had affected her. "Well, just so you know...I'll always want to kiss you. It's just natural for me. Please, though, don't feel pressured to do anything - I wouldn't even want it if it wasn't freely given."
She hunched her shoulders and buried her face further into her knees, muffling her voice, embarrassment heightening the awkwardness of the situation. "I guess I'm just trying to apologize in advance if I try or ask again in the future, but I'll try to be good. Like I said earlier, don't you dare do anything you don't want, even if I do ask." He was glad to hear the little bit of steel reassert itself in her voice on that last.
"If you ever do decide you want to though..." Trailing off she shrugged. How could she really finish that anyhow? I'll be more than ready? Didn't that sound really pushy or needy? She knew she had to appear bad enough as it was so she didn't need to dig herself in any further.
Inuyasha bit into his finger instead of the rice ball and he cursed under his breath as he tried to figure out what to say that wouldn't incite her anger or get her even more depressed than she appeared to be making herself already. "You know we got those rules for a reason, Kagome..."
"Yeah, I know." She sighed. It's because you don't want to get too close.
Seeing her huddle in a little more on herself he figured she'd taken the sad route, though how she'd gotten that from a reminder of the Shrine rules he'd never know. Still, he was torn because he wanted to help her, to make her feel better, but he didn’t want to encourage her delusions about what she felt for him. Figuring the best way to pull her from her thoughts would be to make her angry, he started in on her:
Loudly smacking his lips he complained, "What, is that really all you brought? Couldn't you have fit more food in that bag, especially with as much as you wore me out the last couple days?"
Kagome glared at him, her eyes suddenly seething. "You ungrateful jerk! I didn't have to make you food at all, I hope you know, and you didn't even say 'thank you.' Now you have the gall to ask for more? You are completely unbelievable!" With a huff she stood and for a minute he worried he'd aggravated her enough she was going to storm right out. He'd still prefer to have a sullen Kagome with him than no Kagome at all. Just as he opened his mouth to call her back though she squatted down and started rummaging through her bag, throwing things all over the place. She pulled out a bundle covered in plastic wrap and lobbed it at his head. "There, you happy?"
He caught it easily, much to her further annoyance and his great amusement, and as he looked down he poked at it as he inspected the package. "Food?"
She crossed her arms sat back down next to him, not quite touching but close enough that he could easily close the gap if he leaned in. He did just that and felt her relax against him immediately. She must have been more wired than he'd thought.
"Yeah, food," she replied and laid her head against his shoulder. It seemed her sleep deprivation was finally catching up with her now that she'd worried herself out. "And no, before you even ask, there isn't any more; that's the last of it. I'd been hoping to hold onto it for a little longer so I could postpone having to brave this lovely city of yours," she said, her voice dripping sarcasm, "but as it stands next time we're hungry I'll just have to go find us some grub."
Inuyasha, having no luck finding the end of the blasted plastic wrap, finally just dug in his claws and pulled out the first morsel of food, holding it to Kagome's lips. "Eat," he commanded.
She tried to push it away. "You first, I made it for you after all. Besides, I'm still tired and just want to sleep now."
Not to be deterred, however, he just pushed the food more insistently against her mouth. "Food first, then you can sleep as long as you want." When she didn't comply immediately he threatened, "You know I have no problem forcing you to eat..."
That did it but Kagome only ate a little bit before nodding off to sleep against his shoulder even as he finished off the rest of the food. The last thing she was aware of was being gently lifted and tucked into the bed against a warm body and she smiled softly at the feel of his sweater underneath her cheek.
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A/N: eh, not much to say this time around.
But nice catch to jaimed1968 about Inuyasha not noticing Kagome’s wounds. I’d purposefully had them preoccupied to put off another emotional drama for them. Her forearms the first days were always facing away from him or behind his back, so nothing to really notice yet. Oh how I love dashing Kagome’s poor hopes at subversion.
Thanks all for your continued support and thanks to Akihana as always for playing beta. Til next time.
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Original posting: March 25, 2008