Fruits Basket Fan Fiction ❯ Selfish ❯ Selfish ( Chapter 1 )

*Spoilers through 118*

 

~Lemon chapter~

There is a lemon in this chapter, if you don't like, don't read. I don't know if I will ever upload a `clean' version of this story.

~Sari-15~

 

Selfish

 

Chapter One

 

“Oh! I am so sorry, Kyou!” she squealed, leaping to her feet. Rushing to the sink, she grabbed the nearest towel before hurrying back to the table to clean up the mess.

 

“What's with you tonight?” he growled, milk dripping off his pants and onto the floor as he stood next to the table.

 

Tohru's cheeks heated at his comment; instead, she preoccupied herself with cleaning up the mess. Starting to reach to dry off his pants, her eyes widened as she stopped herself. “I-I-I'll just let y-you do that,” she moaned, her cheeks burning even hotter.

 

“That's what I thought…” he smirked, grabbing the towel from her hands.

 

“I am so clumsy, Kyou. I'm sorry!”

 

“Stop apologizing,” he growled, handing the towel back to her before heading out of the door. “I'll change my pants and everything will be fine.”

 

Seconds later, she heard his feet on the steps. Burying her face in her hands, she moaned, “Oh I knew this was a bad idea! Why did I ever think I could do this?” Sighing in defeat, she quickly cleaned up the glass of milk that her shaking hands knocked over as she'd handed it to him.

 

She'd known since that fateful day nearly two years ago what the fate of the cat would be. Akito had delightfully informed her that after graduation Kyou would be imprisoned, like the cats that had come before him.

 

Breaking the curse had consumed her from that moment on as she searched for an answer. She'd waited for him to tell her himself, but he hadn't. It was the night before graduation, his last night of freedom, and still she waited for him to tell her.

 

The past few months he'd slowly rebuilt the walls that she had thought she'd torn down years ago. Unable to find anything but heartache in her search, she didn't know what else to do to help him. Defeated, heartbroken, and desperate, the only thing she knew was she couldn't lose him. Even after he was gone, she wouldn't stop fighting for him.

 

“I think it's clean now,” he teased, tapping her in the back of the head as he flew past her to his seat. “I don't think the table has been this clean in a long time.”

 

Jerking away in surprise, Tohru hadn't even heard him come back down the stairs with all of her daydreaming getting in her way as she cleaned the table. “I'll get you another glass of milk,” she blurted, rushing to the refrigerator to refill his glass. “Are you sure you wouldn't rather go out and do something tonight? I mean we do graduate tomorrow. We should do something to celebrate!”

 

“You don't need to stick around here with me, Tohru,” he said, suddenly looking as if his food was more interesting then it really was. “Go meet your friends. It's raining, everyone is gone and I just feel like going to bed early.”

 

“Oh,” she frowned, biting her lip. “Do you want to play cards?”

 

“Nah, just not in the mood,” he sighed, putting his chopsticks down as he ran a hand through his orange hair. “You know how I get when it's raining. I just haven't slept very good lately anyway and I want to go to bed early.”

“You haven't been sleeping well, Kyou?”

 

“No, not really,” he growled, picking up his glass and taking a large drink.

 

“But you've been going to bed so early lately,” Tohru pressed. “Is everything okay?”

 

He nodded, slowly poking his fish with a chopstick. Several silent minutes later, he stood up and took his dishes to the sink. “I'm gonna go to bed,” he announced, heading for the door. He paused, looking back at her from the doorway, “She'd be proud of you, ya know?”

 

“Me? Who? Mom?”

 

“Yeah, you've done good, Tohru.”

 

She smiled as he disappeared from view. `Poor Kyou, he looks exhausted. He's probably all worried about tomorrow and hasn't been able to sleep lately.' Finishing some last minute cleaning in the kitchen before heading to get ready for bed herself, Tohru wished that the rain would stop. She'd planned everything out, she thought—but she hadn't counted on the rain. When it came to dealing with Kyou, something like the rain could throw her calculations off.

 

Slowly trudging up the stairs, Tohru stopped at Kyou's door to listen for movements inside. Hearing his feet on the floor, she continued on to her room grabbing the box at the back of her closet before locking herself in the bathroom.

 

Placing the box on the counter, she turned to the bath and started to fill the tub with warm water. Turning back to the counter, she finally dared to open the box that she'd gotten from Ayame several months ago. She'd been afraid to open it until now.

 

“I was making this and for some reason it just screamed `Tohru' so I had to give it to you. It's guaranteed to bring any man you use it on to their knees in an instant, so use carefully.”

 

She grinned, thinking about the snake as she stared at the gold silk resting inside the box. `Oh my…' she thought, pulling the fabric slowly out of the box as she revealed a summer kimono. Most of the robe was a light gold, but the edges were a strange mix of silk in two different shades of gold, both very distinctive from each other as well as darker than the first. `Ayame, this is beautiful, thank you. He even embroidered the twelve Juunishi around all the edges, but still no cat…'

 

Placing it back in the box with a sigh, Tohru slowly undressed, folding her clothes and placing them on the counter next to the box. Turning the water off, Tohru slid into the water, letting the heat ease some of her tension. It hadn't taken much work to get Shigure and Yuki out of the house for the night. Yuki had spent the evening with his friends from student council. She wasn't sure where Shigure had gone…but he knew Tohru needed to talk with Kyou about tomorrow and was more than happy to give her the space she needed.

 

Slowly soaping her legs as she lifted them out of the water, her hands still shook slightly. `Someone would think that I was terrified, and I am. I want this more than anything; I just don't think I could handle the rejection if that's what happens.' Rinsing out the washcloth before hanging it to dry on the side of the tub, Tohru stepped out of the bath as she wrapped herself in a large towel.

 

Looking in the mirror, she slowly unraveled the braids from her hair leaving the desired effect behind. She'd washed her hair that morning and braided it while it was still damp, letting it dry while still in the plaits and leaving behind a torrent of waves as she took her hair down now. Fingering through her hair, she separated the waves, admiring them as they fell down her back.

 

Tohru pulled a bag out from underneath a counter; she didn't often wear cosmetics so her selection wasn't very large. Digging through the items she did own, she selected a few light colors for her eyes and some body powder. Biting her lip as she debated the rest of the makeup, she grabbed a clear lip-gloss and eyeliner before placing the bag to the side.

 

Starting with her eyes, she had chosen gold and bronze to compliment the kimono Ayame had made for her. Inspecting her handiwork as she applied the lip-gloss, she couldn't help admiring the way the colors brought out the brightness in her eyes. Pleased with the look, Tohru pulled a powder brush from her bag before removing the towel from her body.

 

Her hands shaking, she opened the container of shimmering powder before dipping her brush into the cosmetic. Lightly stroking it across her chest and shoulders, the powder left a light mist of glitter in its wake as she worked. Sighing as she closed the jar, she quickly placed everything back in the cosmetic bag and returned it to the cabinet. Hanging up the towel, she eyed the kimono—the only thing left for her to do.

 

Slowly removing it from its box, she slid into the silk sleeves before tightly cinching the ties together. It fit her perfectly, as she had assumed it would, but the length of it barely hit the top of her knee. `He did say it would bring any man to his knees…' Taking a final look in the mirror, she was surprised to see someone that looked like a slightly older version of herself staring back at her. “I can do this…” she whispered, collecting her clothes and putting them in the box. “I'll just put these in my room first.”

 

Rushing across the hall, she quickly dropped the box inside her door and turned toward her final destination. `Just seven steps and this will all be over,' she thought, though suddenly those seven steps seemed much further away then they'd been seconds before. Sighing, she closed her eyes, forcing herself to take the first couple steps without looking at her goal. Opening her eyes again, she took the final two steps and lifted her hand to knock on the door in front of her, but couldn't get up the nerve to tap on it.

 

“I thought that you were all about saying what you feel,” Kyou growled softly, looking off into the distance. “Normally I hate people who whine all the time…but in your case…”

 

Tohru stared at him in surprise as he awkwardly avoided any eye contact with her, but continued to speak. “It would be okay to complain…be selfish…say what you want once in awhile. It's okay to let yourself be sad.”

 

Biting her lip as the memory consumed her; it gave her the courage to do just that as she knocked on the door. Hearing his frustrated sigh, followed by the rustling of objects before he growled, “Come on in, Tohru.”

 

Feeling her cheeks heat as she turned the knob to open the door, she slowly pushed it open. “I wasn't sure if you'd still be awake…”

 

“Yeah, well I shouldn't be,” he sighed, finally looking up at her before turning as crimson as his eyes. “What do you…? Tohru, what the hell are you wearing?”

 

“I thought it was pretty…” she replied, pulling every ounce of courage she possessed to follow the advice Rin had given her in passing one day. She'd never thought she'd ever take the suggestion seriously, but she was desperate. Tugging on the tie, she released the bow and let the silk slide down her arms to flutter to her feet.

 

`Speechless…I hope that's a good sign…' she thought, watching him fight for words as he quickly paled to white.

 

oOoOoOoOoOoOo

 

`Just hurry and go to bed, damn it…'

 

He flipped the page, growling at a picture of Momiji hanging off a smiling Tohru at the beach house as they swam. Hearing her empty the water out of the bath, he was just thankful she hadn't decided to leave him alone tonight. He might have taken up her offer to go out, if it hadn't been raining. The rain always seemed to drain him of energy, though it wasn't too bad tonight, he just hadn't been in the mood to leave the house. He hadn't been lying when he said he hadn't been sleeping well lately.

 

Tonight was the last night of freedom he had, graduation was tomorrow and he'd be locked up for the rest of his life. Akito had made a bet with him about Yuki, a bet that Kyou had given up on long ago. It wasn't that he thought he couldn't beat Yuki, he was pretty positive that with all the training, the strength, and the growth he'd done emotionally these past few years might aid in that fight for him to finally beat the rat. He just didn't care about winning anymore. Kyou had come to terms with his fate—since he'd fallen in love with her. Nothing good ever came to those who cared about him, including Kyoko Honda—Tohru's mother.

 

There were some walls that Tohru had never been able to break through, not many but his friendship with her mother and his part in her death had been one of them. The other was what would happen tomorrow. He didn't want her pity, he never wanted her to be sad because of him, and he chose long ago to never tell her. He didn't want to taint his memories of her with pain, hurt, or anger—so he locked up his feelings and kept his crimes to himself.

 

The day of his punishment would come and he willingly would do the time for hurting the one person he would move mountains to make happy. It was his fault she ended up mixed up in this family, his fault she was alone, his fault that her mother was gone. To him, this imprisonment had nothing to do with being the cat.

 

It was for him.

 

`Damn it, Tohru! Go to sleep!'

 

In the meantime, he was flooding his head with as many memories as he could get. It wasn't that he couldn't sleep—he just refused to. Every night he went to bed early so he could look through photo albums as he listened to her get ready for bed. Once he knew she was asleep, he would crawl into her window and watch her sleep until the sun came up the next morning. He would catch a nap when he could during the day, but he refused to give up his time watching her at night.

 

Tonight would be the last night he could do that. He was damn lucky no one caught him during these past two months. `Finally…' he thought hearing her footsteps as they made their way to her room. She paused and slowly headed toward his door. `Damn it…' he growled as the knock sounded on his door. Leaping up, he slammed the photo album closed and shoved it beneath his bed.

 

“Come on in, Tohru.”

 

Staring out the window as the rain fell against the glass, he heard as she slowly opened the door. “I wasn't sure you'd still be awake…”

 

`I was hoping you'd be sleeping by now…' he couldn't help thinking to himself. “Yeah, well I shouldn't be…” he sighed as he turned away from the window to look at her. “What do you…? Tohru, what the hell are you wearing?”

 

`Oh my god, what the fuck is she doing to me?' he panicked, trying to think of a way to get her covered without getting too close to her. He decided that the best chance was to send her running out the door. `Does she not realize she's practically naked?'

 

Something about the blush on her face made him think that she did know how little clothing she was wearing…which only scared him more.

 

“I thought it was pretty…” she answered quietly, as her face suddenly burned about ten shades darker. Slowly, he watched as she gripped the tie to the robe and pulled.

 

He couldn't breathe, couldn't speak, couldn't move, couldn't do anything but watch as the gold silk slowly fluttered to the floor around her feet. Suddenly feeling faint, he couldn't tear his eyes away from her if he tried, even as his knees gave out and he found himself kneeling on the floor as he worshiped her. Kyou memorized every tiny part of her, from the curve of her hip, to the small mole on her stomach and up to the crimson blush covering her face as she gave him a shy smile.

 

`Do something!' his head screamed. “Damn it! Close the door before someone else sees you!”

 

Watching as she quietly closed the door, one of the voices in his head screamed, `You forgot to tell her to leave too.' The other voice was laughing, `This is Tohru…in his room…naked as the day she was born and you think he'd make her leave?'

 

“But they won't be home until morning…” she replied.

 

`Oh…fuck me…I'm screwed…'

 

`I think that's what she's planning…'

 

`Shut up! I don't think for a second that choosing this day is a coincidence…'

 

The voices quickly shut up as all the pieces clicked together. Feeling as if he'd just been doused with cold water, he slumped in defeat, hanging his head toward the floor as he sighed, “How long have you known?”

 

“Known?”

 

“About tomorrow,” he growled, clinching his hands into fists from frustration.

 

“Oh…” she sighed, giving him a small smile. “I found out at the beach house when Akito came to see me.”

 

`Damn…that's a long time,' he thought. “Why didn't you say anything?”

 

“I thought you would want to tell me yourself. I kept waiting and waiting and you never said anything. I've been trying to break the curse, Kyou. I've been trying to free you. First, I found out Kureno had been free since he was about our age…”

 

`Kureno…?' His head whipped up to stare at her in disbelief. “What?”

 

“Then I found out Momiji had broken free…”

 

“Holy shit…”

 

“Then Hiro…,” she sighed, dropping to her knees as she buried her head in her hands. “They don't know why though, they are just free. I tried, but I failed…I couldn't free you in time. I failed…I failed…”

 

Standing up in disgust, he yanked his shirt off over his head and threw it at her. “So instead you'd `make it up' to me by having sex with me? The poor cat gets locked up tomorrow, since I couldn't save him, I'll give him a nice `pity fuck' and send him on his way. I don't need that from anyone, especially not you, Tohru. Put that shirt on and get out of here…”

 

He briefly saw her reaction before he turned, like she'd been slapped across the face. He just wanted her out of there fast; he couldn't stand it anymore. He heard the sobs as they started, but closed his eyes to block them out.

 

“It's not like that…” she whispered. “It's not like that, Kyou!”

 

Stunned, he slowly turned to see her with her hands clenched tightly and glaring at him in determination—as tears ran down her cheeks. He couldn't remember ever hearing her raise her voice like that. `Did she just yell at me?'

 

“You told me once that it was okay to be selfish once in awhile. I tried not to be…” she sighed, dropping her gaze to the floor. “The more I tried, the more selfish I became. Rin got so sick because she wanted to release Hatsuharu, did you know that?”

 

He shook his head, wondering where this was going.

 

“She couldn't find a way…and the ulcers started, and she got pretty ill. I had been fighting on my own for so long, so had she…Trying to be `selfless' I wanted to help free everyone. I talked to anyone I thought might be able to break the curse…but I was lying…mostly to myself…,” she sniffed, wiping at her eyes with the back of her hand. “I didn't care about them at all…just myself.”

 

“Tohru, that's just ridiculous. You care about all of them,” he said.

 

She gave a soulless laugh, twisting the long forgotten tee shirt in her hands. “No, Kyou. Every time I discovered someone had broken the curse I got mad. I was only in it for one thing, something I wanted for myself. I didn't care if the person even wanted their curse broken, didn't care if the person felt the same way. If your curse didn't break, they would get you—not me. I couldn't let anyone else have you, not Akito, not anyone--I need you.”

 

“Why?” he managed to choke out, dropping to his knees as hope swelled in his chest, crawling toward her on his hands and knees until their faces were just a breath away. “Why me? Why now?”

 

“I'm selfish; my memories are precious to me, no matter how painful they are. Because, I need something to hold onto while you are gone. Because, I think you need to know there is someone out here who's still fighting for you, who needs you by her side. Because I lov--”

 

Sliding his mouth across hers, Kyou swallowed her surprised gasp as he buried his hands in her hair. Tentatively at first, she kissed him back before pushing off her heels to deepen the contact. The light fluttering of fingers resting on his chest shocked him from his reverie as the burning of skin-to-skin contact registered in his head. Quickly breaking the kiss with a groan, Kyou slowly trailed his hands down her neck and over her shoulders.

 

“I'm sorry,” she cried, pulling her hands away from his chest. “I didn't mean to--”

 

“Don't apologize,” he growled, grabbing her hands in his and holding them all to his chest. “It's just—I'm not used—I don't want you to stop.”

 

Her cheeks pinked as her hands flattened beneath his, “I just don't want you to think—I mean you said that…” She couldn't look at him as she turned four shades brighter.

 

`The `pity fuck' comment, you bastard!' he thought, dropping his forehead to her shoulder with a sigh. “Yeah, you should know I didn't mean that. I just felt a little overwhelmed…surprised…scared…”

 

“You d-don't have to d-do this, Kyou,” she stuttered. “I mean I just dropped this on you without thinking about what you wanted. I didn't really think it through very well…”

 

He dragged his mouth along her collarbone as he dropped his hands to her hips, eliciting a mewl from her throat as he explored the sensitive skin. “What you said earlier…no one has ever…with you is the only way I ever wanted it.”

 

“Kyou?” she murmured, suddenly shaking beneath his touch.

 

Leaning back, he slowly traced his fingers up the side of her body as his eyes memorized the path he took, as his mind reveled in her reaction to his touch. Her eyes wide and bright, she dropped her own hands away from him to watch as he worshiped her body with his. A hand skimmed over her left breast and she gasped as her body sought out his touch when it was gone. Surprised to find the soft skin in his touch, he slowly explored as he watched her close her eyes and bite her lip as a soft moan slipped out. He grinned at her reaction, playing with hardened nipple with the tips of his fingers as his entire body reacted to the sounds coming from her.

 

Slowly, she opened her eyes only for Kyou to notice the change from their normal bright blue to something much deeper. Refusing to look away from her, they stared at each other as he began to explore her other breast as he had the first. Her hands returned to his waist, slowly trailing up each side of his body. Each stroke burned his skin, imprinted itself in his mind as he gave into the sensations assaulting him and clenched his eyes shut, moaning her name on a jagged gasp.

 

“You are so beautiful.”

 

Flinching at the admission, Kyou opened his eyes and stared at her in disbelief as she smiled at him sweetly. Knocking her in the head with his fist, he laughed, “You aren't supposed to say that to me, stupid girl.”

 

“I know, but you are and I just had to tell you.”

 

Getting to his feet, he grabbed Tohru hands and pulled her to stand next to him. He smiled at her expression of utter confusion as she looked at him, giving her a cocky grin; he shoved her lightly toward his bed. “You wanted to do this on the floor?”

 

“Err…no…I don't know,” Tohru blushed, suddenly looking a little shocked as she grabbed his blanket and wrapped it around herself. “Truthfully I didn't think much past what would happen once I dropped that robe. I mean I have…I've heard about stuff…It's just until now I've never really even been kissed. I just didn't know how you would react…”

 

“Well, since this is the first time that I have kissed someone without knives or a threat attached, I think we are doing okay,” he replied with a smile, dropping onto the bed next to her before tugging at the blanket.

 

“Kyou!” she cried, tugging the blanket back to try to cover herself back up.

 

“Fine, this way is more fun,” he said, cupping her cheek as he leaned forward to press a heated kiss on her mouth. With a gasp, she reached for him leaving trails of fire on his shoulders as her fingers slowly slid across them, the blanket pooled around her hips, forgotten.

 

She may have come to him, but he had quickly turned into the aggressor as his tongue slid in to taste her, conquer her fears. His head filled with the sound of her contented sigh as he slowly removed the blanket from her protection, leaving her open to his perusal again.

 

He wasn't sure what she did to him, but as he studied her, he couldn't think of anything except the way she made him feel. He had dreamed of this moment thousands of times over the past few years, but it had been just a dream. This was a memory he didn't just crave; he needed it. She wanted to be with him, would fight for him, but most importantly she needed him as much as he needed her.

 

She loved him.

 

He hadn't let her finish, he'd heard those words before and wasn't sure he dared to believe them ever again. From her, those words had a different meaning, held a different promise. He believed them and they shone bright and blinded him to everything except this moment, it was only the two of them, together.

 

The rest of the world ceased to exist as he pushed her back onto a pile of pillows so high that she only reclined back partway to the bed, never breaking contact with her mouth. Groaning as his hips pressed intimately against hers, one arm braced next to her head, holding him up to prevent transformation. His other hand slowly teased her nipple as their kiss heated to an intensity he could no longer control.

 

`It's not enough,' he thought idly. `I need--' suddenly his arm buckled beneath him as Tohru's hips pressed against his. “Tohru,” he groaned, saving himself before he crashed on top of her and transformed. `Damn, this is going to harder than I thought.'

 

“I am sorry,” she cried. “It just…happened. I don't know why.”

 

Fighting the urge to tear his pants off and drive into her right there, Kyou took a few seconds to get his bearings before attempting to answer her. Opting to lavish attention to her breasts instead of speaking, Kyou swirled his tongue around the nipple of one of her breasts as she quickly gasped and writhed beneath him. A quiet moan flowed through her as he softly suckled the breast and trailed his spare hand between the juncture of her thighs.

 

Threading through the curls, he sought the heat that lay within as Tohru barely reacted to his actions with his hand; she was too preoccupied with his mouth. Finding the warmth he'd been seeking, Kyou lightly stroked the protective folds out of curiosity. The reaction floored him; Tohru pressed her chest against his mouth as her hips pressed against his hand and his name rolled off her lips in a moaning sigh.

 

Surprised at the reaction from the light touch, he moved the hand supporting his body next to her hip, slowly trailing heated open-mouthed kisses down her stomach, the muscles rippling beneath his perusal. With a feathery touch, he explored the warmth he'd discovered as her quiet moans played as a melody in his soul.

 

Lightly nipping at the inside of her thigh as he reached it, he looked up to find her as she stared at him in wonder. His heart jumped into his throat as he watched her, imprinted the moment into his mind--that instant was how he always wanted to remember her. Her eyes clouded with passion, her lips swollen and red from his kisses, her hair a rebellion of waves as it fell across her breasts as she watched him, trying to catch her breath.

 

`Beautiful,' he thought, wondering when the awkward first year student he had fallen in love with so long ago had turned into this breathtaking woman. Color bloomed in her cheeks as she bit her lip and looked away from him, making him smile. Sure, she'd set out to seduce him when she stepped into his room tonight, and her dropping the robe she'd been wearing was unexpected—but his weakness had always been her blush.

 

His heart pounding in time with her ragged breath, he slowly parted the folds as he pressed his index finger lightly into the heat they protected, watching her closely for any sign of discomfort or pain. A shy smile and blush were his only reaction as her hands embraced his cheeks, pulling him toward her. Pressing further into her as their lips sought each other, she gasped out his name on a breathless cry.

 

“Are you sure, Tohru?” he asked, slowly adding another finger as she pressed against his hand.

 

She nodded, unable to speak as she bit back a moan. Sitting back on his heels before sliding to his feet, Kyou made quick work of the sweatpants he'd changed into after the `milk incident' earlier. Turning to climb back into the bed, he found a dazed Tohru still trying to catch her breath as she stared at him.

 

“Kyou?”

 

“I swear, if you change your mind, if you don't want to do this, just say so. I mean it, at anytime,” he assured her quietly.

 

Tohru nodded, chewing on her bottom lip as she bashfully stared at him. “It's not that—I want this, I really do,” she sighed, taking his hands and threading her fingers within his. “Tomorrow…the day after…the week after—that's what scares me.”

 

“Me too…me too, Tohru,” he answered sadly. Leaning forward, he slid up her body, pressing her hands against the bed next to her head as he bent down to place a chaste kiss upon her lips. Her knees relaxed to the side as he found his hips cradled against her, the sensation of skin-to-skin contact from the waist down something that humbled him, amazed him. He couldn't move, instead, he just sat there and let his senses absorb the moment.

 

The heat of her skin as it penetrated his, the sound of their breath in the quiet of the room, her lips swollen from his kisses, his heart racing as he realized he wanted to stay in this moment for the rest of his life. Fate was cruel, he knew that this would be the only time he would have her for himself and he would take every moment he could get until then.

 

She carefully leaned up to capture his mouth with hers as he slowly pressed into her, paying close attention to her for any sign of resistance. With a slight wince—she broke the kiss off, making him still as he hit the barrier within her. Studying her face for any sign of regret, pain, all he found was a pair of bright eyes staring back at him with complete adoration.

 

Aching, he waited for a sign that she still wanted to continue, fighting the urge to give into instinct without her final consent. His answer came quick, Tohru gave him a slight smile as she pressed her hips into his—making his whole world tumble down in that instant. His name fell from her lips as he found himself buried deep within her, before she leaned forward and captured his mouth in a mind-altering kiss.

 

Desperation burned an ache through him; he fought against the urges that begged him to give into the overwhelming sensations that rocked through him. All that he was, all that he could be, began and ended with her—the quivering body of the woman beneath him. Pressing his hips against hers, stilling her movements as he fought to gather his emotions, the overwhelming sensations inundating him as he willed himself to do this right.

 

Releasing her hands as she broke off the kiss, as her body relaxed beneath his, Kyou lifted a hand to her face, trailing a finger down her cheek as he slowly pulled from her. Whispering her name, he pressed his hips as he captured her mouth and her resulting gasp. His will to go slow came with a price, as the almost painful rhythm he set—she quickly matched.

 

The kiss deepened, their tongues slowly mimicking the moments of their bodies as the scent of sunshine, dreams of freedom, life with Tohru slowly teased his brain. Her breath labored, echoing in his mind as the sound slowly imprinted in his memories, giving him a moment of light in a world filled with darkness.

 

Tohru's hands took advantage of their freedom, carefully flitting, exploring to her heart's content. Her touch was enough to bring him to his knees, made him spiral out of control as her movements turned frenzied, as she dug her nails carefully into his back.

 

Reaching for a goal yet unsure of what he wished to achieve, an ache built within him, begging to be freed. A painful need, an unattainable dream beyond his grasp, Kyou thought if he could reach the elusive end, it could grant him the redemption he wished. Their gasps mingling together in the quiet of the room, every emotion he felt played out on Tohru's face as she fought past the ache, near tears and begging for his help.

 

Seconds later, a broken cry that he barely recognized as his own name fell from her lips as she shattered beneath him. Quivering, sobbing his name as her body pushed him off the edge he'd been on. The world stood still as he came undone, buried within her as their bodies shook from aftershocks, it took all that he was not to collapse against her in relief.

 

Dropping his forehead against hers, his breath came in painful gasps, his heart pounded in his chest as he fought to calm himself from the aftermath. Capturing her mouth, he kissed her softly between their attempts to catch their breath before rolling on his side to lie next to her. Reaching forward to pull a strand of hair behind her ear as she rolled to face him, Kyou let his hand carefully stroke her cheek. “Are you okay?”

 

“Yes, I'm fine,” she yawned, covering her mouth as she fought the obvious exhaustion that had fallen over her. She could barely keep her eyes open. “That was…amazing.”

 

Carefully combing through her hair with his fingers, he whispered, “Go to sleep, Tohru.”

 

“I'm…not tired,” she argued quietly, her eyes closed as her face slowly relaxed under his ministrations. Moments later, her breathing evened out and he knew she'd fallen asleep.

 

Quietly, he watched her sleep, in his bed, against his pillows, the scent of their loving filling the room. Amazed that she would choose him, wanted to be with the cat, and loved him. With a smile, he sat up, grabbing his blanket from the foot of the bed, where he'd thrown it. As he covered her up, he noticed the streaks of crimson that had stained his bed sheets.

 

Slowly reality sank in; sure, she'd been a virgin, he hadn't been surprised at all by that—he'd been one too. He couldn't help but feel like a fraud, unable to tell her the truth. Sure, he could blame the fact that all of his thoughts fled when he realized what she wanted, because it was what he wanted too. Subconsciously he knew if he told her—she wouldn't want to be around him.

 

He had asked her, `Why?'

 

 

`I'm selfish; my memories are precious to me, no matter how painful they are.'

 

“You aren't the selfish one, Tohru,” he whispered, getting to his feet and shoving his legs into his sweatpants, before finding his tee shirt across the room and dragging it over his head. “I am. When it comes to you, I am the most selfish person.”

 

He picked up the robe, noticing for the first time the embroidered zodiac animals on the edges. `No cat, of course…'

 

`Didn't think there would be…' he walked over to the bed, hanging the robe on the bedpost. From the corner of his eye as he turned to go, he noticed the kanji. The edging was made with two separate fabrics, forming kanji beneath the zodiac animals. Pulling the fabric straight—he read `Property of Kyonkichi.'

 

“Damn it, Ayame…” he growled, dropping the robe like it was on fire. `How the hell did he know?'

 

 

Standing above her, as he watched her unconsciously seek the quickly cooling warmth he'd left behind where he'd laid. “My memories are precious too, and I never want to see you with hatred in your eyes. I'd rather have lies, than have to live with painful memories of you.”

 

“In the end, I'll just hurt you more…” he sighed, tightening the blankets around her, before kissing her forehead. “I'll make sure you know the truth…but I still want to live with the lies while I am gone. I'm the most selfish of all.”

 

Turning to the door, he opened it as he took one last look at her, memorizing the softness of her face, the way she looked sleeping in his bed. “I'm so sorry,” he whispered, closing the door behind him as he walked out of her life forever.

 

OoOoOoOoOoOoO

 

A/N

I apologize in advance for any major OOC…getting these two to DO anything was harder than I thought it would be. I had this started before chapter 119 came out and that chapter pretty much zapped me of inspiration. So…taking a little AU route here…I guess…

If I get the kinks worked out of this little plot bunny…we might have a nice angsty story on our hands…not promising anything though…

Sari-15

 

OoOoOoOoOoOoO

 

 

 

I do not own Fruits Basket or the characters affiliated with the Manga and Anime. They are the property of Natsuki Takaya…I am just `borrowing' them for my own nefarious deeds. I own nothing, suing me won't help anyone.

Sari-15