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| "To Dance With You" Reviews/Comments [ 7 ] | Reviewed By: inu 4ever [MediaMiner Member] On: May 09, 2007 00:57 CDT
Rating(s):Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
yep i like it now will u post up more chappies please
| Reviewed By: @__@ On: April 23, 2007 03:41 CDT
Comment/Review:
Good chapter. Keep up the good work?
| Reviewed By: GoddessInuYasha [MediaMiner Member] On: April 22, 2007 16:35 CDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 3 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 8 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 4 of 10
Overall Rating: 5 of 10 Comment/Review:
Hi. ^.^ Don't be scared off by the ratings I've set, I'm going to explain it all to you. You're style of writing has potential. I know you can write out description, you do it in your fic, but you really need more of it. Dialogue is great and entertaining, but you need to thicken it up with action. Don't place action in ( ), it's not a RPG, it's a fanfiction. Write the action out. For example, instead of: "And, (goes towards a girl) this is Sango." The boy finished. Try: "And," he walked over towards the girl, "this is Sango." The boy finished. See what I mean? Also, try not to place an Author's Note in the middle of your fanfiction. It throws the readers off, and is an annoying intreruption. Leave your AN's for either the beginning or ending of your fic. You're spelling was really good, I didn't see any text-talk, wich made me very happy! The originality/creativity of the plot is actually really good, I haven't read/heard of a plot like this one before. Not to say there isn't any, I just haven't read them. I think that if you worked at description/action, this could be an amazing fic! You leave too much to the imagination because of your lack of description. When characters are talking to each other write out what they're doing while they're talking. Example: When Kagome and her mom are talking about her dance clasess. Her mom should be excited! Happy! Proud! You should write in how she's grinning, or the way she's patting her daughter on the head, or how her eyes sparkle with happiness that her daughter is doing so well! "Wake up… Kagome, honey, please wake up." Mrs. Higurashi said for the nth time already. (Where is she while she's talking? Is she shaking Kagome awake?) "Unh… Huh?" Kagome said in response. (Did Kagome roll over in her bed? Did shoo her mom away with her hands?) "Honey, it's already 9:45 in the morning. The sun's up for a couple of hours already. C'mon... Plus, I have some good news to tell you." (I'm imagining her mother standing next to Kagome's bed with her arms crossed, looking amused. You should write in the actions she's doing while she's speaking to Kagome.) "Uh… Okaayyy…" Kagome's voice faded in the last note. "Your ballet teacher just called." "Huh? What did he say?" Kagome asked, her drowsiness fading. (Did she sit up in bed in excitement? Was she nervous upon hearing the news? Was her hair a mess from sleeping?) "He said that you're doing good. Better even. He didn't expect you were that good already." "I'm in training for 9 years already what else would he expect from me?" "Don't talk like that honey. He also said something else…" "Really? What is it?" (write down how excited she is! She's getting praised by her teacher!) "Well, within a month of observation, he decided to place you in the Company class. Isn't that great? That's a good first impression on your new teacher." (Her mom should be doing motherly things around the house. Is she picking up some close on the floor for laundry?) "Mom, that's good news!" "You're class will start tomorrow at 2:00 in the afternoon." "What? Tomorrow already?" (Did she let out a groan because it's so soon? Is she annoyed or upset, or excited that it's coming up fast? See what I mean? There IS such a thing as too much description, and that's when people write down the color of each article of clothing and whatnot, but you need to write in a good amount of description, otherwise it's hard to get across the feeling and actions of your characters the way you want them to come across. I'd suggest that you read fanfiction by Rosefire. She does a lot of AU Inuyasha fanfiction, and her stuff would help you out a lot. Study up on writing, also. You honestly do have great potential. I hope you've read through all this! Good luck! ~SugarRos
| Title: ^_^
Reviewed By: jullun On: April 22, 2007 12:17 CDT
Rating(s):Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
nice. i like it. now, will u plz update more?*smiles*
| Title: =9
Reviewed By: jullun On: April 21, 2007 13:20 CDT
Rating(s):Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
will u PLZZ update? i want to read *cries*
| Title: =9
Reviewed By: jullun On: April 12, 2007 07:57 CDT
Rating(s):Style of Writing: 10 of 10
Spelling & Grammar: 10 of 10
Originality/Creativity: 10 of 10
Enjoyment Factor: 10 of 10
Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
I think it will be funny to know how InuYasha and Kagome will react to eachother
| Reviewed By: @__@ On: April 11, 2007 00:49 CDT
Rating(s):Overall Rating: 10 of 10 Comment/Review:
Ohh. I am intrigued! I can't wait for the next update, Keep up the good work.
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