.hack//Legend Of Twilight Bracelet Fan Fiction ❯ Never Ending Void ❯ Chapter One - Rememberance ( Chapter 1 )

Chapter Title: Chapter One -- Remembrance

 

Chapter Song: -Song that inspired this chapter- 'I Write Sins, Not Tragedies', by Panic! At the Disco

 

Chapter Word Count With Out the Author Note: 4395

 

With Author Note: 4617

 

Notes: Which POV do you think I should write in for Chapter Two? (1/2 means half a chapter, that I'm not to confident or good at them, and to choose another person to go with in the same chapter)

 

'Candidates' are:

Alyssa/Kayane, Balmung, Kara, Shugo, Rena 1/2, Tengaki 1/2, Kuroi 1/2, Shi 1/2, Anissa

 

I have another person I will be doing a POV of but in later chapters due to the fact that he will not be introduced yet and I will need much time to get his POV to perfection judged by Sarah, who is the owner of the character.

 

 

I always knew. Just subconsciously, not directly in my mind. Always knew that there was something my sister kept from me that, regardless of how I would have reacted in response to, I should have known. And I guess that I knew what my sister was keeping from me too. But again, it was probably somewhere deep inside my subconscious mind.

 

Either way, I should have known.

 

She should have told me.

 

That day, the one day after two weeks of not having a word on my sister's condition given to me, and I finally went in very briefly to see her, I about had a mental breakdown. I was terrified, destroyed by the sight of…of…her… That was all I could really say. The person by the name of her just so happened to be my sister, my sister, Alyssa, but she hardly looked it in anyway anymore. Rail thin body, stringy black hair that used to look so soft and strong, bruises all over what I could see of her skin that originated from who knows what, bandages wrapped around her arms half way up past her elbow and around her forehead… She looked weak. Which was something Alyssa never was, not to me.

 

When I went with my father to get an update on her condition, it took all of my strength, will, rationality to not race back into the room, shake her awake, then murder her. I was absolutely sure that my father wanted to so the same damn thing, too.

 

“Overly stressed, pulled muscle scars from just a month or so ago, bone fractures that seemed to be from landing on it wrong or something closing around it on both sides, strenuously workde body, unrested, undernourished, but…what really makes me wonder is strangely, her muscle all seem to be healthily flexible and there hardly seems to be a worry lack of fatty tissues in her body. She underweight by about five pounds, but nothing to be alarmed about.”

 

Sometimes, I wondered for hours about whether or not my sister actually knew about those 'things wrong' about her aside from the pulled muscles and fractures.

 

“From past visits and stored information, I'm to the conclusion that possibly…this was maybe one of the final straws that her body could have taken, her mind especially. The asthma attack she experienced as well was obviously a big factor. All of these combined, it's strictly a miracle that's she's only in a come and still living. Granted, she's on life support, but it's merely a precaution to ensure her recovery. It really all depends on whether her body and her mind choose to awaken at some given point. My theory is just that everything all took it's toll and evidently was simply too much for her body and mind to take any longer…”

 

As much as I knew it was technically true subconsciously, I didn't want to believe that, not at all, in any shape or form. Not that it was all because of her stubbornness, ignorance, and selflessness to not worry anyone. I wanted to hear that it was all completely Shi's fault, all his doing and all because of the fucked up plan his damned mind came up with, damn it! Shi's vassals all caused her to slip into a come, he ordered Korosu to come after us, those ribbons, and literally force her body into a coma… It wasn't dad's fault or her own…

 

It just wasn't.

 

For not the first time, I was getting Deja vu just thinking about it; only I remembered why I was getting the feeling (although it technically wouldn't be called Deja Vu, anymore) and wished with all that I hoped that I was as wrong as hell and that my sister was too. That the both of us were wrong in every aspect…

 

“Yeah, you're too nice, strong and smart for anyone to kill or hurt, Alyssa.”

 

I was twelve and Alyssa was fourteen. We'd been walking to the mall on foot because neither of us could drive, our dad was at work, and the mall was only about five miles away.

 

“So, what?” Her hands shoved into the pocket of her jeans. “I'll be the death of me?”

 

“Yeah, exactly! That's the only way you'll die other than of old age, or sacrificing yourself for someone you love…”

 

“Guess I'll take that as a good thing, right?”

 

“Hell yeah! It means no one can ever fucking kill you intentionally and you're so damned indestructible except to yourself. Very, very good thing.”

 

“Excessively swearing --”

 

“Sorry--”

 

“But all right, Anissa.”

 

Why did she do that? Why does she still do that? Alyssa treated me like nothing I ever did or said was wrong. That I'd never overreacted, threw tantrums, manipulated Alyssa with tears and pouts to make her get me, her little sister, something that I wanted but no one else would let me have. Hell, it was such a big habit that I still did it and I knew it still worked. I knew it did because I had half the stuff mom never would have even glanced at before denying me it.

 

Now, I wondered if tears would compel my favorite family member to open her eyes and come back to consciousness. If she could, she would and I knew that indefinitely. Everything had always been for me, because my sister was that caring and was that selfless, no matter what impression people first received of her.

 

Because she loves me unconditionally even though she might not say it, but I still know it. It's hard to not know it.

 

But, at that second, it'd been two months that she'd been comatose and no signs of awakening. The life support had long been gone but the needles, paleness, all of it was still there. The last three times I visited my dad's, I neglected purposely to visit the hospital because I know I'd have nightmare and be utterly uneasy. And… if she didn't wake up, I wouldn't have wanted the way I saw her in a visit be the last thing pictured of her afterwards. Alyssa wouldn't either, and it was not the real her; just an illusion created from all the equipment hooked up to her for mere precautions only.

 

That was what I told myself.

 

And as I logged into 'the World' at my mother's house, I planned to meet up with Shugo, Rena, and Tengaki as we scheduled and the three of us would wonder about where the hell Balmung was, for the millionth time. Three days prior to when we alerted him of Alyssa's condition, we hardly had word from him. Not once had I, the twins, or Tengaki seen him in or out of the World. My father told me that he'd been notified of a person matching Balmung's profile that visited Alyssa's room several times but only for a few minutes. Once, the length of a visit reached to almost an hour, no sound coming from the room like all other visits.

 

And, truth be told, I was the last person to doubt that it was definitely Balmung and I was the first person to say that it was because Balmung loved my sister but wouldn't admit it, not even to himself. Neither of them seemed to be very open but I at least knew and expected my sister to try at least a little bit to care for somebody when she woke up. And she was going to wake up whether she liked it or not.

 

Walking from the Chaos Gate, Rena was at my side before I knew it and gave me a hug, much like the ones she'd suddenly been giving me for a month and a half now. I was grateful, don't get me, a young blonde, wrong, but it was tiring and only out of pity for me. The hugs weren't making it easier for me to cope with the absolute absence of me sister in anyway, though, which was biggest bother. All it ever did was make me feel like a charity case and remind me of my sister. I t was hard enough to push Alyssa to the back of my own mind already and I didn't need the extra reminder, either.

 

“Hey, Anissa. Tengaki still is on his way, but he'll be here soon. Not a word on Balmung though. How about from the hospital on whether he's visited her again like before?”

 

“Nah, haven't gone to the hospital in over a month. No calls or any words from dad, either. He's too busy and doesn't like hospitals, at all, like me, my mom, and Alyssa.”

 

Rena sent my sour response a disappointed look and acknowledged the answer with a quiet 'Oh…', then hugged her arms glumly.

 

“All right. Won't she feel a bit unloved or whatever if you guys don't visit?”

 

I shook my head both inside and outside of virtual reality.

 

“No, she'd completely understand and prefer that we not go out of our ways to visit her in a place of discomfort and bad memories for the both of us.”

 

Rena said 'oh' again and didn't even make an attempt to say anything else. She just seemed to space out, for whatever reason that I didn't know, and before long, I assumed that Rena left the computer, headset and controller in reality for her own reason. It wouldn't be the first time she'd done so to me without notice and for sure, it won't be the last time, for that matter. It's something I would guarantee and bet on any time, anywhere.

 

I decided to leave Rena's avatar to herself and began walking towards Shugo, who I could see in the distance. For a second, I could have sworn that I felt his depression and gloom through the game and wondered why the hell my sister's condition was still having such tremendous effect on Shugo when he hardly got along with the girl he so nicely called a bitch on several occasions. All because she 'had to be right' and so precise in a manner that Shugo had mistaken casual and concerned instead for haughtiness and snobbish, too, which was a reason I used to explain her actions despite how much I honestly resented the reason.

 

What topped it all off, however, was the fact that the ass refused to explain and admit to me about why the hell he was so fucking down. I was his best friend, for god's fucking sake! Being the ever mindless but very active in the talking section, if I do say so myself, I started off a conversation to him with a tension creating comment.

 

“Why won't you tell me?” I asked first thing, ignoring the height he had over me and ineffectively looked down my nose to him by lifting my head as far as I could. “Or do I still have to go with the idea that you might have had, or have, a crush on my sister and fume in utter jealously forever until you spill? And keep on fuming if I'm right?”

 

Mentioning the jealously factor hadn't been part of my little plan, but once I had said it, there wasn't any real denying it when it was your best friend who knew you like he knew his own name. Alyssa theorized that I kept talking after I said something unintentional because I didn't want to hear the bad or rejection and just talked to block any chance of the other person talking. Inevitably, after denying it for awhile and shoving it out of my mind, I actually ended up believing it.

 

It was sometimes unfair how she was rational and had reasonable explanations in five to fifteen seconds flat. Despite how much it was unfair because I couldn't produce the same results in more time, and how much it could have been undeniably handy, I can truly say I didn't envy or admire that ability, at least not for long. It would have meant I'd be too rational to not act without thought or on impulse when it could have counted the most. And… I just didn't, all right? I guess it would make my sister seem less incredible, and I love her the way she is.

 

“Jealousy?” Shugo said suddenly, looking surprised and not alarmed.

 

Good sign meaning he might like me in return, I hope? This is the moment that I pray that my hope is true, I thought dryly.

 

“You like me? Is that what you mean, Nissi?”

 

He used my nickname. Hell, was I turned into a puddle of fucking mush and drool, yet?

 

Fuck, I hope not.

 

To lie, or not to lie? Hmm, which would end out better? He knows me too well. Guess I'm not going to lie to him then… Well, oh fuck, then, my mind thought bitterly. I have interesting thought occasionally, so don't be too alarmed if random thoughts spurt out of my mouth.

 

“Yeah, if you haven't already figured it out yet. We've kissed; do you think it was just out of the sudden need for comfort when my sister was missing? I'm not one who gets totally desperate for someone to kiss and hold me when I worry or care about someone, Shugo.”

 

Oops, I snapped. Oh well, he'll probably snap back at me, too. Alls fair in love and war -- if this is love and war anyways…

 

He narrowed his eyes at me. Not dangerously as if in anger, but instead as if incredulously. Maybe it was something that I said that hadn't made sense…?

 

“Why don't you use that argument on yourself and find out what else it might mean or signify,” he muttered to me in a low tone.

 

Thinking, no. Don't want to think right now. So sorry. “Why don't you just tell me what else you seem to think it symbolizes? And tell me why the hell you're in the dumps, too, while you're at it.”

 

He groaned and I suddenly got the impression that I was being a total bitch. Listen to me, if my sister were here, she'd probably clue me in quicker than I could say my own name! cried my mind.

 

“Do you think I kissed you only because I thought it might have made you feel less troubled?” he questioned, using the sort of tone that really sort of shocked me into thinking and suddenly turned the wheels in my head that made the noise that sounded more than just a bit like 'Ohhhh…!'

 

Wow, I feel stupid… not.

 

“So, what, you expect me to believe that? Don't forget about all the girls you've said were 'hot' when we walked by them.”

 

“I'm allowed,” he protested. “And they're just hot. Nothing else.”

 

Uh huh, I was thinking, but then again, he's right. I like a few other guys but I like Shugo as well. Damn it, logic sucks ass! I growled at my thinking process and listened to myself speak after deciding my mind and… never mind.

 

“So, what, I'm not hot? Or am I just too prude or something? Cause if I'm prude, my sister's beyond prude.”

 

“What?” he asked, shaking his head in confusion. “I don't like your sister, never have and never will like her in that way! She's too old for me, too perfect and she may have what would be called a nice body, but I don't think she's beautiful in the way that yoouuaaahh, you know what, just forget it!”

 

Shugo turned on his heel and began running his hands through his hair frustrated. I overheard his muttering quite easily but didn't pay much to attention to it. He said 'you', meaning me, since he was talking to me and…

 

Wow, now I actually did feel stupid.

 

“Drama Divas.”

 

Huh? I turned to see Kara No, a woman who had an avatar that looked nearly identical to Kayane's (my sister) and was a former follower of Shi's before deciding to turn against him and pretend to be faithful while uncovering his most useful secrets to us, standing behind me, head tilted to the side wonderingly.

 

“Why don't the two of you just, you know, get together? Shouldn't be too hard to go over to his house, assuming you two know each other personally as you've talked about school together before, and just jump him. Things wouldn't be a broken lifeboat in the jagged waters anymore, that's for sure,” she remarked in the sarcastically snide tone that I came to recognize as Kara's serious tone after not too long.

 

“Reality doesn't work like that, Kara. We don't work like that.”

 

Having black hair with a sheen of scarlet red seemed to fit Kara No in my own opinion and the deeply red maroon clothing Kara No wore seemed to provoke the same reaction from me as well. I'm a girl that wears black, black, and, on Wednesdays, even, black, so I liked her clothing. Purple was better though, that was a fact.

 

At first, I had been frightened by the similarities of Kayane and Kara, but the attributes that frightened me ended at just the similarities. Kara had been doing what she was told and, I had learned just three weeks earlier, if she didn't follow to the dot at the end of the order, something bad by Kara's standards would happen.

 

It worried me, that Kara No was risking a lot just help them, I wouldn't deny that fact, but it also made me think better of Kara No quite a bit. That there wasn't a minimal reason for following Shi as I had originally thought.

 

“Sure you do. You're female, he's male, just stand close enough, rub him a bit, and it all just flow from there, trust me.”

 

“But it's just lust, for lack of a better word in my vocabulary. Not love, or like, and fuck, we're only fifteen! I'm a virgin still and I'm proud of it, too!” I scoffed, quite aware that Shugo was probably able to hear us as clear as the gong bell at our school.

 

Ever since Kara No had been slightly welcomed by the group, Balmung excluded since he was nowhere to be seen, Kara had opened up quite a bit over the course of six weeks. And that meant quite a bit.

 

Kara No simply shrugged, and I wondered why the blade-master had come in the first place. “My first time was when I was fifteen. It's human nature, Anissa. Nothing's wrong with it; people just want you to use protection and the pill to reduce the possibility of STD and pregnancy. It's one of life's pleasures, you got to be insane to not use it to your advantage, god.”

 

I gawked at Kara No for a couple seconds then shook my head, clearing my mind of the subject. Damn her, she got me actually thinking and visualizing what could happen…! “Whatever!” I growled, “What are you here for, to bug the fucking shit out of me?”

 

“No, I found something out that I'm pretty damn sure you'd like to hear.”

 

I waited for a suspense filled five second pause before becoming impatient. Kara No was even being cruel and unusual by pretending to tend to her nails, for Aura's sake! “So not funny, Care.”

 

“Everything is a matter of opinion, now, isn't it?”

 

I stuck her tongue out at the remark, noticing that it sounded exactly like something my sister would say and had said to me before. Kara No wasn't an idiot, but she didn't act as if she were one to come up with phrases that made utter sense that was just mind blowingly frustrating. “Yeah, and my opinion is that you should spill the news to me now or I'll have to get angry.”

 

“Fine, fine, geez, don't get your thong in a tighter bunch than it is, Anissa,” Kara No snapped half-heartedly at me, “I found out that Balmung, or whatever the white winged angel's name is, hasn't been inactive in the World as you all first thought. In fact, he's hardly been off, according to information that I've gathered, anyways. He's been avoiding you guys, I'll admit that's a total given, but he's opened all the emails you guys have sent him and saved them on his computer, even. Downloads.”

 

“Thank the fucking World you're a computer hacker, Kara!”

 

“What can I say, my dad showed me the tricks he learned from being a bad kid when he was my age,” she smiled at me in a half-smirk that was another one of her trademarks, I guess.

 

“So where has he been all this time? Did you find that out?” I was curious as to what, or who even, was occupying his time for two months to where he was able to effectively avoid confrontation with us. Maybe seeing us, me, was too much of a reminder of my sister and what caused her to be in the state of being that she's in for him to handle, maybe, and he needed to find someone else, or something to divert his mind from remembering us…

 

Knowing Balmung for however much I do, I wouldn't reject that idea at all. He's got reasons that are reasonable enough for other people to oblige to. Just like my sister always does, which leads me to the thought that my sister might have had a reasonable explanation for why she kept all those health complications to herself if they were in her knowledge.

 

“It didn't show any recurring locations in the World that he went to, but more than a couple of them match up to places where Shi was located at whatever time. I'm not being judgmental or dropping his loyalty to you all and Kayane in an instant, but don't disregard the idea that Balmung may be meeting Shi voluntarily not to fight him…”

 

“It's Balmung,” I said flatly. It explained everything to me. He was Balmung, Balmung of the Azure Sky, who had stayed on the right side of the line each time unwaveringly. Why would he have changed and sided with Shi, who had done nothing but worked to hurt me and Kayane?

 

It just wasn't possible unless in a Twilight zone…

 

“Anissa,” she sighed at me, “You've got accept all the possibilities, take knowledge of the fact that it's Shi, who can, and most likely already has, tie Balmung's feelings to your sister and use them to his advantage to make Balmung think if working with Shi, he can find a way to rejuvenate your sister from her coma. Expect no less of him. It's better to overestimate someone than underestimate someone.”

 

I shook my head, but I knew she was right. Balmung doesn't care about my sister that much, does he?

 

“It might be because of losing mine and Rena's old friends, too though, Anissa.”

 

It took my mind a second to register the fact that I had spoken out loud and that Shugo had joined us and our conversation. I ran over what he said in my mind and factored that into what he might be feeling with Kayane gone.

 

I did remember hearing him promise her something just before we logged on after a two week long suspension after fighting with Shi…

 

“…I'll relieve your accounts from the suspension, and I won't hesitate to do the same thing again if need be. That means when you're at anytime in any danger or Shi makes even a ghost of an appearance…”

 

Knowing he failed to keep that promise probably felt as if someone had taken blades of glass and slowly pressed them against his skin in various places and carved broken promises into his skin.

 

It's a brutal picture but that's what I thought had happened to my sister when I saw her just after Korosu, one of Shi's followers and a player resembling a vampire with an ax, slammed his ax into her stomach in virtual reality and sort of began her descent into a coma.

 

I guess Balmung probably would have gotten a newspaper from Hachinohe where my father and sister lived, or even looked on Japan national news, where they callously showed pictures of her lying on the floor.

 

Japan reporters and photographers are gruesome people and look for the most interesting and horrifying stories they can find that include the most blood. Most especially of 'today's youth', to show off some of the most pretty or handsome people getting what the reporters think they deserve because of their belief that whoever the teenager is, the teenager was popular and known by a bunch of people.

 

“But… Balmung wouldn't side with Shi -- Shi's too untrustworthy.”

 

Shugo shrugged his shoulders tiredly and gave me a sympathetic look. “But who knows how much he might care for Kayane and how much guilt might cloud his judgment? I would have done the same thing for you, had the event occurred and the opportunity appeared for me. That's why I'm so 'gloomy', as you put it. You could have been in a coma instead, and not her. It just all depends, Anissa.”

 

I sent him a cold look. He was right, and I hated it when he was right. I hated it when anyone right and I wasn't. My heart warmed at the thought that he would have gone to no extent to bring me back out of a coma had I been the one in the coma, but my heart seem to freeze at the same time at the idea that Balmung and Shugo might have been blinded by love and guilt to do something wrong and unacceptable.

 

Neither of them had the heart to be cold and cruel, did they?

 

I hope not.

 

Because when Kayane woke up after however long it took, she wouldn't be happy and she'd be angered by the slight idea that anyone had done wrong by her standards for her. Mostly because my sister strove to distance herself from anyone so that they wouldn't do just what we were talking about. So she wouldn't be blinded to do anything immoral for someone else who'd done something immoral for her.

 

Shows how well she did in doing that.

 

 

Chapter One complete.
Please, please please, review.

I worked really hard on this.

Suggestions on who's POV I should write in for the next chapter? (refer to top for list of characters possible)

Thanks to Sarah/Naunen for helping me with the decision of which POV I should write this in, cookie for you for also knowing who the narrator was in the prologue, as well.

Much thanks to you at the computer (or phone) for reading this,

-AN