.hack//LIMINALITY Fan Fiction / .hack//SIGN Fan Fiction ❯ .hack//CHECK ❯ n00b ( Chapter 26 )

Chapter 26 // N00B

. . .

"You were always so stubborn, but I loved you anyway. There were times that you've made me so mad. I could never stay mad at you for long. I remember our first argument. It was shortly before you were shipped off to war. We were sitting by a river, and you looked downstream. There was a waterfowl on the river in the distance, and you said, 'Look. There's a swan.' It was too far away to see accurately, but I thought it was a goose. We sat there arguing about it for a good twenty minutes. When it seemed that we were both in agreement that it was a goose, you said, under your breath, 'It's a swan'. Isn't it strange how prophetic life can be?"

. . .

Wurzelstadt. The sky has gone dark. The streets, empty. The buildings, a collection of wireframe, raw code, and/or unshaded polygons. Bits and pieces of code float through the air like fireflies on a warm summer night. The ground, charred and broken. From the Chaos Gate flashed three lights.

"...The hell happened here?", said Stan as he stepped forward, and looked around.

"Looks like the whole place has been wasted.", commented Deacon Blue.

"In the sky...", pointed Naomi. A shadowy figure floated above the town.

The figure turned. "Oh, the guests have arrived!", said the gruff, eerie tone, "Welcome to my party. We have fun and games..."

"Er, yeah... Your games suck!", yelled Stan.

Swan laughed. "Well, you are entitled to your opinion.", Swan said, "Oh yes... Deacon Blue, about those character names. You know, the 'Ducks'."

"What about them?", shot Deacon.

"I'll give you a little hint. They're false.", said the white-haired man. The air rippled behind Swan, and a portal formed. "Goose!", shouted Swan as he disappeared.

An echo sounded, "You can't beat me without the 'Ducks'. It's time for me to go now. Have fun. For I have exhausted all of the fun here."

"Damn.", said Deacon Blue, "Okay. To the Kite server."

. . .

Minnescotia: The root town of the Kite server. Snow gently falls to the white-covered ground. Players trudge from wooden cabin to wooden cabin; purchasing supplies, and generally socializing. From the southern Chaos Gate emerged Stan, Deacon Blue, and Naomi.

"Okay. We're here.", said Naomi, "The names are a fake, so what are we gonna do?"

"How do we find these 'Ducks' if we have nothing to go on?", said Stan, "We don't have real names, do we?"

"Nope.", said Deacon Blue, "Only Mastah Pimp could get the real name of Swan... And, I'm guessing that he had to go through hell and back to get it. So-..."

"AROMATIC GRASS IS BAD FOR YOUR HEALTH!", shouted a voice it had a slight Irish accent, "The electric currents yer goggles emit when using it screw up yer ears!" A man bound in many clothes hobbled towards them, leaning slightly on his spear. He was a long arm with matted brown hair and one yellow eye. His other eye seemed to have been put out, and he seemed to have edited his character to have a permanent two-day stubble.

"Hello...?", said Deacon.

"DID ye know," began the man, "this should really be called World FOUR!?"

"Um, Interesting...", said Deacon.

"Young man, that be quite an appealing weapon ye carry on yer back. Mind if I take a look? Just hold it where I can see it...", requested the Man. Deacon Blue complied. The man looked closely at the weapon. "Oh, yes, yes...", said the man as he examined the hilt, "If I'm not mistaken, this is The Peacemaker Mark V?"

"Yeah..."

"There was only one of these made. Ever.", said the man as he began to wave his finger at the weapon, "'Tis a pleasure to meet ye, Deacon Blue, I'm Vino de Ermitaño." Vino's gaze averted to the goggles on Naomi's head, then to the spear tucked under Stan's arms. "I see...", began Vino, "The Groovers are back, are ye?"

Something seems kinda familiar about this guy., thought Tiffany.

"I overheard.", said Vino, "Yer looking for ducks."

"What would you know about 'Ducks'?", asked Deacon Blue.

"Not much.", replied de Ermitaño, "But, I do know this. To find ducks, ye have to start quackin'."

Deacon Blue, Naomi, and Stan narrowed their eyes.

Vino began to laugh as he leaned in closer to Deacon Blue, "Quack, quack, quack! Har, har..." He hobbled away from them, quacking and laughing all of the way.

Naomi turned to Deacon Blue. "So, what do we do?", she asked.

"Start quackin'.", replied Deacon Blue as he walked over to where some female characters were huddled. "Quack, quack?", said Deacon Blue. The female characters looked at him in surprise for a second, then burst into all-out laughter. Deacon Blue sighed as his shoulders dropped.

"What a stupid n00b!"

"That just made my day!"

"Wait... Wait... You just have to repeat that for my friend... Let me call her..."

"Don't worry, I'll get around to her soon enough.", retorted Deacon as he walked back to Stan and Naomi.

"In spite of the replies, that's what we have to do.", he said to Naomi and Stan. "Let's split up..."

. . .

Naomi walked into the midst of a group of ten characters in a back alley. They were all smoking Aromatic Grass, and sitting on carts, sleds, boxes and barrels. "Quack, quack."

"The hell?", said one as he stopped smoking, "Girl thinks she's a freakin' duck."

Naomi looked at the Heavy Axeman defiantly as he rose from his sled and began to walk towards her. "What do you suppose we do with her, fellas?", he began to circle her.

"Let's kick her ass!"

"Yeah!"

"Death to n00bs!"

"Hold on, fellas... She's quite a fine young thing, here...", said the Axeman, "Sure, kicking her ass would be fun, but I'm sure we can find other use-"

"DYNAMIC ENTRY!" Fang burst from nowhere with a leap kick, sending the Axeman flying back onto the sled upon which he was previously sitting with two of his friends. He threw a barrage of shuriken and daggers at the obviously stunned Heavy Axeman. "DOMINO BOOM!", he shouted. The Axeman and his two friends went up in an explosion. Only their ghosts remained. Fang turned to the rest of the group, and extended his fist. "Any of you other punks want some?!", he yelled, "Don't mess with my Naomi!" They all looked surprised.

Naomi's left eye began to twitch. "YOUR Naomi?!", she said angrily. She extended her arms in front of her chest, and a ball of energy began to form in her hands, "MAXIMUM FRAG!" The ball shot from her hands and knocked Fang into the distance. She stormed out of the back alley.

. . .

Stan sat on the bench next to the item shop. Two Wave Masters and a Twin Blade walked by. "Quack, quack, ladies...", said Stan. One of the Wave Masters stopped.

"Care to repeat that?"

"Eh? Quack, quack, ladies...", repeated Stan.

"I'M NOT A GIRL!!!", yelled the Wave Master, "DAMMIT! I GET THAT ALL THE TIME! WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU!?"

Stan looked at the enraged Wave Master blankly. "Quack, quack?"

"AND STOP WITH THE QUACKING!", he yelled.

"You know, you sure do yell at me like a girl...", Stan quipped.

"WHAT?!", shouted the Wave Master, "I'LL KICK YOUR ASS!"

Stan removed his unlit cigarette from his mouth, "Look, girly-man, either use a female character, or go reedit to look more manly. You're not even in my league, so don't even try to challenge me. Especially when you're mincing around with a tanking party and a level five weapon."

"Why you-!", began the Wave Master as he twirled his staff.

"Reflect pulse.", stated Stan in a mundane manner.

The Wave Master shot a beam of dark matter from his staff. Stan easily intercepted the beam with his spear and redirected it to its source. The Wave Master flew backwards, and hit a waste basket.

"Wearing lightning gears, too? Don't dish it if you can't take it, kid.", Stan put his cigarette back into his mouth. A Heavy Blade and a Blade Master walked past.

"Quack, quack, fellas.", said Stan, "It's Duck Day."

. . .

Deacon Blue walked into the Elf's Haven. There were five other players inside the cabin. "Quack, quack.", he said. Three of the players laughed at him.

Two of them turned to look at Deacon. A Heavy Axeman and a Blade Master. It's them., he thought.

"What'd you say?", asked the Blade Master as he turned.

"...The hell?", started the Heavy Axeman as she turned.

"Well, well...", said the Blade Master, "If it isn't the legendary n00b." The Blade Master had black hair and green eyes with a medium build. He wore a black tactical vest and baggy blue shorts that stopped mid-shin. His red cape flowed with his movement.

"Long time no see, asswipe.", quipped the Heavy Axeman. She wore large, heavy, jewel-encrusted armor that was gold in color. She had a scar that ran between her blue eyes, and ended on the base of her neck, which coincidentally is where her white hair ended as well.

"'The Thunder and Lightning Duo'.", said Deacon Blue, "Dash and Excel. I never would have guessed that you were the 'Ducks'."

Dash's eyes narrowed, "What do you know about 'Ducks'?"

"That must be a pretty slick set-up you have.", answered Deacon, "Tons of processing power, a connection speed thirty years ahead of its time, and the three dimensional acceleration must be out of this world. All of it right here." Deacon Blue tapped his finger on his forehead.

Excel clapped her hands, "All of you! OUT! NOW!" The other players left the building hastily.

"So, you know about project 'Duck'.", said Dash, "Why?"

"I only know about 'Ducks' so that I can deal with a certain 'Swan'.", replied Deacon.

"What do you want?", shot Excel

"You know what's been happening.", replied Deacon, "I want you to log out so that we can discuss what else you know."

The Blade Master drew his blade. "Well, if you want us to log out, you'll have to make us log out.", he chuckled.

"Fine. Let's take this outside.", replied Deacon Blue.

. . .

Deacon assumed a fighting stance in front of the giant snowman in the middle of the town square. Across the town square stood Dash and Excel.

"I still haven't forgotten about what happened on Delta Server.", said Deacon Blue

"Hmph. You know the PvP rules, right, n00b?", shouted Dash as he reached into his pocket and retrieved a coin. "This is the PvP coin. Once it hits the ground we can begin."

"I know the-." began Deacon as the coin was flipped into the air.

*puf*

*CLANG!* Deacon blocked a horizontal slash from Excel. "Now, now...", said Deacon, "Just wait a sec. There's always time for music..."

. . .

Jack reached into his pocket, and retrieved a small disk. He inserted it into the drive on the computer.

. . .

Deacon Blue pushed Excel backwards with a quick, easy motion. "Now we can start."