Ah My Goddess Fan Fiction ❯ MST of 3 short lemons ❯ Mst of 3 Oh my Goddess lemons ( One-Shot )

Disclaimer: Oh my Goddess! and Mystery Science Theater 3000 all belong to their rightful owners.

The altered theme song is the property of Jack Acid. I used it because I liked it.

The original fic called "The New Goddess" is the property of Shinji Ikari, a.k.a, the 10 o' clock assassin.

The original fic called "Divine Longing" is the property of Alfa.

Finally, the original fics called "Wow my Goddess" is the property of Richard Hempsey.

I have nothing against these authors. I just found their fics worthy of msting. Besides, it's all in good humor. Like the rules of msting say, "A mst should only be used for humorous purposes. If the fic made you angry, then it's probably best not to mst it." And since these fics neither angered nor offended me, I pass the msting requirements. Anyways, on with the MST. Enjoy!

In the not-too-distant future,
Somewhere up overhead:
Mike Nelson beats out all the odds,
Because he's not yet dead...
Pursued by a woman, whose name is Pearl,
A twisted, sadistic, sort of girl,
She's mad Mike's mind isn't whacked,
So she decided to try a different kind of tact!

Pearl: I'LL... GET... *YOU*!!!

"I'll send him lousy web posts,
The worst he's ever seen!
He'll have to sit and read them all,
And keep his comments clean!" *sort of*

Now keep in mind, Mike has to read,
Whatever post that Pearl sends;
He'll try to keep his sanity,
With the help of his robot friends!

>>Robot Roll Call <<

Cambot! (Let's go!)
Gypsy! (Oh my!)
Tom Servo! (Let me at `em!)
Crooow! (Whoa!)

If you're wondering why Mike has to read,
And other useless facts,
Just repeat to yourself it's just a post,
You should really just relax! For...

Mystery Science Theater Three Thousand

[1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, Bridge]

S.O.L.

Mike and the gang, along with special guest, Belldandy, are in Tom's room. They have an excited look on their faces.

"I can't believe the henerator still works!" said Tom excitedly.

"I'm finally gonna go home!" said Mike with equal excitement.

"No more evil movies and fics to watch ever again!" exclaimed Crow in delight.

"How long have you been living here?" asked Belldandy.

"Just about our whole lives." Answered Gypsy. "And most of Mikes."

"Well, turn it on! Turn it on!" Crow exclaimed patiently.

Tom did so. After a few flashy sequences, the henerator stops. Everyone looks surprised, then looks at Mike.

"I thought you said your mother would've assembled hers by now!" Tom said to Mike furiously.

"She must've been busy or something." Said Mike with a shrug.

"Well, that's it. I'm going with my plan." Said Crow. "Gypsy, you get the envelopes. Tom, get the tools. I'll get to disassembling."

Mike was about to try to stop them, but then the signal rung.

"Hold on you two." Said Mike. "Pearls on the other line."

The bots quickly hid all that they were doing, and then Mike pressed the button.

CASTLE FORRESTER

"Hello, my little science experiments." Said Pearl calmly. "How goes your miserable days? Odious, I hope."

S.O.L.

"As odious as it'll ever get." Answered Mike.

CASTLE FORRESTER

"Good. How about you, Bell? Are you enjoying yourself?"

S.O.L.

Off camera, Mike was trying to signal Belldandy to say something negative, but she didn't notice him and answered Pearls question.

"It's quite well." She answered while the bots just shook their heads. "Everyone is so nice to me, and now I'm completely over the last fic."

CASTLE FORRESTER

"Oh, is that so?" said Pearl, now with an evil grin on her face. "I'm actually glad to hear that. You see, today's experiment is in fact three short, but very awful fics that'll `really' break your spirits. Try to handle that, if you can."

As she was basking in her glory, Bobo brought out the fics.

"They're really quite something." He said. "One's about you and Keiichi, the other is about your sister Urd, and the other is about your younger sister, Skuld."

"That's right." Finished Pearl. "And the greatest thing is, they're all lemons! Hahahahaha!!

S.O.L.

Her evil laughter somewhat worried the Goddess. That, and the fact that Keiichi and her sisters were going to be in it. Mike saw this distressful look, and quickly chimed in.

"Of course," he started, "that your experiments will fail as usual."

CASTLE FORRESTER

"That would normally be the case," Pearl started, "if I was looking to break `your' spirits. My plan is to break Belldandy's, and make you guys suffer with her unstable powers! Then, in the midst of your pain, I'll give you all one more grief that'll really drive you off the deep end! Then, after that, I'll release these fics all over the world! Hahahaha!"

"Um, Lawgiver?" asked Bobo. "Are you going to release these fics in one sitting, or is it going to be slow torture?"

"Well, I'm not sure. In the meantime, I plan to enjoy their suffering. Brain Guy! Send them the first fic!"

"Right away, ma'am." Answered Observer as he used his mind powers to bring the fic to the theater.

"Enjoy." Said Pearl, who laughed, then turned off the projection.

S.O.L.

As soon as she broke contact, the sirens went off.

"We got fic sign!" shouted Mike.

The four went into the theater.

**************************************************************** ************

[ 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1, Theater]

*Mike, Belldandy, and the bots take their seats*

<Crow>: I hope it'll be decent this time.

<Mike>: Don't count on it.

<Crow>: Well unless you want another fiasco like we had in that "Jealousy" fic, I suggest you hope for these to be decent!
<Mike>: Well, here's hoping.

Richard Hempsey rich@knoware.ersys.edmonton.ab.ca

AMS Otaku #2! rich@valis.worldgate.edmonton.ab.ca

<Tom>: Feel free to choose from our various email address.

<Crow>: Now in the color magenta.

"Hello, is this--"

<Crow>: Some crazy guy.

<Mike>: Do you like scary movies?

"Hello, Relief Goddesses Office, I'll be there right away."

"What? Wait a sec--" <click.>

<Belldandy>: Why does this seem so familiar?

<Tom>: Who's talking anyway?

That was when my computer exploded.

<Bots>: BOOM!

<Crow>: Well, that's the end of the fic. *gets up*

<Mike>: You wish, Crow.

Wow, My Goddess!

A "Lemon" Fantasy/Parody

<Tom>: I give that intro a pretty decent rating.

Well, at least it _looked_ like it did. Big flash of light,

appropriate sound effects, and all that jazz. A second glance told me

that this was no explosion,

<Mike>: Because the first glance was a liar.

but that something _really_ strange was

happening.

<Mike>: Um, I just noticed something. The story seems to be in first person perspective.

<Tom>: Uh-oh.

<Belldandy>: It's probably just Keiichi's perspective.

<Mike>: I hope so.

A tanned pair of hands emerged from the screen, followed

(appropriately) by wrists and arms.

<Mike>: Uh, thanks for letting us know.

<Crow>: A tanned pair of hands? I guess that makes sense, what with the computer exploding and all.

A mane of white - almost silver -

<Crow>: KIMBAAA!

hair came next, and the body that followed wiped any questions (such

as "How does a body like that fit through a sixteen-inch monitor?")

from my brain.

<Mike>: We stopped asking questions like that ever since we started reading lemons that made even "less" sense.

The woman stood in front of me and spoke with a very unusual

accent, one I couldn't place.

<Crow>: Parley vu France?

<Mike>: Tu habla Espanol?

<Belldandy>: Where did he place it?

<Tom>: I'm NoT CoMpLeTeLy SuRe.

Being totally distracted,

<Crow>: I forgot I wasn't wearing any pants.

I hadn't actually understood a word she

had said, so of course I asked her to repeat what she had said.

"Uh... what?"

<Mike>: He's a man with many words.

With a mildly disgusted look on her face, she stated

<Tom>: Eww! When's the last time you bathed?

"I said my

name is Urd. I'm a goddess. Now, what's your wish?"

<Mike>: I thought that was Bells job.

<Belldandy>: Not since I made that contract with Keiichi.

<Mike>: Well, at least this fic is making sense so far.

<Crow>: Wait a minute. If this is Urd making the wish, then this person must not be Keiichi.

<Tom>: AAAH! It's a self-insert! Run for your lives!

<Crow>: We just walked right into a trap!

<Tom>: Why wasn't there a warning beforehand?!

<Mike>: Guys, relax. At least he's not a super saiyan hermaphridite, and this isn't Bell.

<Tom>: But will Bell mind?

<Belldandy>: A little, but since this is Urd, and not Skuld, I can handle myself.

<Tom>: Whew!

"Wish?" I was definitely on a roll, here. Score: brain 0, vocal

cords 2.

<Mike>: Well, when he's right, he's right.

<Tom>: Vocal cords 2? He counts *Uh* as a word?

<Mike>: More like a word and a half.

"Yes, a wish! You called our office, you get a wish! Simple.

Now, what's it going to be?"

<Tom>: (as Richard) I want a fluffy pink pony…..

<Mike>: (ditto) And a choo-choo train…..

<Crow>: (ditto) And a kinky toy…..

"Hold it now...

<Crow>: I didn't know the lemon started already.

<Mike>: Crow………

I dial a wrong number, and Spielberg sends a

woman over, claiming to be a goddess, to give me a wish?

<Tom>: *to Belldandy* I didn't know your father was Spielberg.

<Belldandy>: Neither did I.

Yeah, right.

This is just too wierd."

<Crow>: I'll say.

<Mike>: Bells father, creator of life "and" director of many hit movies.

She sounded annoyed now.

<Belldandy>: (as Urd) You weren't supposed to know that!

"Almost, but I _am_ a goddess (and you

better not forget it!) and it wasn't Spielberg who sent me. (Sigh.)

<Tom>: (as Urd) He said I wasn't good enough for movies and that I should try something else.

<Crow>: (as Urd) So here I am, starring in bad lemons until my big break.

Oh, I wish my sister were here! This is _her_ job."

"Your sister?"

<Crow>: (as Urd) Yes, Skuld. I'm not cut out for this work!

"Yes, she normally takes care of these things, but her last

`client'" - obvious sarcasm in her voice here -

<Crow>: *sarcastic tone* Really? I couldn't tell. Thanks for showing that to me.

"wished for her to

stay with him, so she's stuck there. Now, can I get an answer?"

<Belldandy>: (as Urd) As long as it isn't the same wish.

A wish. I get a wish. Wow.

<Mike>: (as Richard) I feel like a kid in a candy store.

By now, my brain was finally starting to work again

<Bots>: *making old clanking sounds*

(or at least

the ecchi part was...)

<Crow>: After all, this wouldn't be a lemon without the *ecchi*.

and my eyes were drawn (read: violently pulled)

<Tom>: Drawn? I guess ecchi is actually a short abreviation for etch a sketch.

<Crow>: Now with violent pulleys!

to the figure in front of me. As I scanned the vision of female

pulchritude in front of me, evil thoughts spun around in my head.

<Crow>: All while the sugarplums were doing the jig.

Watching me, Urd obviously recognized the expression on my face.

"Wait just one minute..."

<Crow>: ………Now you can think.

"Hmmm... I wish...," I said slowly, studying Urd's body.

<Belldandy>: I don't like the direction this is going.

<Crow>: I do.

<Mike>: But it's a self-insert.

<Crow>: Don't kill my fantasy! It's all I've got!

"Damn! All right, let's get it over with." Urd looked furious.

<Belldandy>: Quite an understatement.

<Mike>: Does Urd usually assume like that?

<Belldandy>: I'm not sure. Most lemon fics with her in it usually have her just have sex there and now.

She grabbed my wrist and,

<Mike>: Broke it.

even though I was about five inches

taller and 75 pounds heavier,

<Mike>: What is he, Michael Jordan size?

she dragged me over to my bed and

practically threw me onto it. (One advantage of living in a basement.

No walls, just one big room.)

<Crow>: With white padding all over the room.

<Mike>: But he said *no walls*.

<Tom>: This must not be the directors cut of the fic. It probably had him hit the ceiling first.

Now, at this point I was totally stunned.

<Tom>: Getting hit by your own ceiling will do that to someone.

Not as much as when

Urd had first shown herself, but enough to freeze my limbs.

<Belldandy>: (as Urd) Fooled you! See ya, sucker!

Urd paused in her undressing.

<Mike>: Then hit rewind.

"Well? Hurry up, now." She now

seemed resigned.

"But--"

"No buts! Oh, for heaven's sake, I'll do it myself." Two quick

waves of her hands and I was naked.

<Bots>: AAAH! Bad image!

(Never did find those clothes.

One of my favorite shirts, too.)

<Mike>: So "that's" how Bobo got that new outfit.

Urd finished undressing, and turned to me, hands on hips.

"Well?"

<Belldandy>: (as Urd) How do I look?

<Crow>: Good enough to eat.

<Mike>: *shakes his head*

"Wow!" was all I could say. Urd seemed satisfied with my

reaction.

She climbed onto the bed with me and grabbed me lightly between

the legs. "Eh. Not bad."

<Crow>: At least he's not exaggerating like most SI authors do.

"What the hell is that suppos--"

"Shut up, will you? You're getting what you asked for."

<Crow>: (as Urd) By the way, size "does" matter.

"But--"

"Enough! I said quiet!" To ensure my silence she pushed me onto

my back and climbed over my face. I resigned myself to the

inevitable.

<Crow>: Now that's a face full of-

<Mike>: Crow!

She tasted much as you would expect a goddess to -

<Crow>: Like peaches?

<Mike>: Like chicken?

<Tom>: (as 006) Like strawberries.

incredible. I

began to get into the action (bad pun intended)

<Mike>: Saves us the time of saying it.

<Tom>: It's the last action hero!

and grabbed her hips,

to pull her down to me. Urd became more vocal as I worked on her; her

moans were easily audible even with her thighs over my ears.

<Bots>: *looking closely at the screen*

<Mike>: *To Belldandy* Don't mind them. It's been a while since they've seen a lemon that didn't make them sick and/or hurt them.

My tongue moved over and in her, and only a few minutes passed

before she came, loudly. Urd fell over next to me, and lay there,

panting lightly.

<Mike>: *chanting to himself* It's not an SI. It's not an SI……..

I leaned up on my elbow, and stroked her stomach lightly.

<Mike>: (as Richard) Is that baby fat?

"Hey,

don't just lie there. It's your turn."

Urd looked at me and raised an eyebrow.

<Belldandy>: (as Urd) You're kidding, right?

"Don't look at me like that," I replied. "You're supposed to be

granting _my_ wish, remember?"

"I know, don't remind me," she replied mildly.

<Belldandy>: (as Urd) I'm still trying to forget.

"Eh?"

<Tom>: The role of Richard will be played by some Canadian guy.

<Mike>: Well, at least we know where this is taking place.

Urd pushed me onto my back and lay on her stomach,

<Tom>: I thought he was already on his back.

<Mike>: Maybe he's reminding us?

her head at my

waist, our bodies forming a `T'.

<Crow>: Doesn't look like a *T* to me.

<Tom>: Looks more like two horizontal L's.

She stroked me lightly, quietly

saying, "No, not bad at all," before bringing her mouth down on me.

<Mike>: (as Urd) It could be worse. At least this isn't Oscar.

<Crow>: Amen to that!

I feel my toes clench as her lips moved down. I resisted the

urge to grab her head by grabbing the bedsheets. Urd's goddess-

granted skill brought me to the edge within minutes.

<Tom>: You know, I'm really liking this guy's honesty.

<Crow>: It's not everyday you read a lemon fic that "doesn't" have the guy having an oversized package and having the stamina equal to a super viagra.

I only managed

to get out "I'm about to--" before I came. I saw stars as I felt Urd

swallowing.

<Crow>: The stars being caused by a mallet to his head.

<Mike>: (as Skuld) I hate you! Just be glad you weren't with Belldandy!

<Belldandy>: She swallowed a strangers seed? That's not a pretty sight to picture.

<Crow>: Especially if he didn't scrub lately.

Whether she used magic or just skill, Urd kept my motor running.

<Crow>: I'm going to have to choose the former.

<Tom>: Same here.

<Mike>: Unless………nah, I'm with choice number 1 as well.

<Crow>: That's quite a talent to keep Keiichi's motor running while having sex at the same time.

She lifted her head and said, "My turn again!"

<Tom>: But she decided to shout it instead.

"What?" I exclaimed before

<Tom>: Putting the exclamation mark in its place.

Urd moved up and positioned herself

over my hips. She raised an eyebrow, and I replied "Oh, I get it."

<Mike>: (as Richard) You should really see a doctor about that eyebrow problem.

"You're about to."

<Mike>: End it just like that.

As Urd sat back, she guided herself onto me. My toes clenched

and my eyes crossed as she settled down.

<Bots>: *snickering*

When she started moving, I grabbed her hips to slow her down.

Neither of us spoke as we moved together. I moved one hand

around to stroke her ribs and her breasts.

Because of our previous activities, both of us were close. I

came first, spasming deep inside the goddess. After I had regained

some control,

<Tom>: (as Richard) I realized I just made the mistake of impregnating a Goddess.

I reached down and stroked Urd, quickly bringing her

over.

<Crow>: (as Richard) Good. With her dead, no one will ever know.

Urd collapsed against me, and I held her while we recovered.

<Crow>: I guess she was thinking the same thing too.

We lay quietly together for a while before Urd spoke. "Hmm...

Maybe Belldandy does have the right idea..."

<Belldandy>: (as Urd) Maybe I "should" have only visited non perverts.

"Who?"

"My sister, remember?"

"Ah."

<Mike>: My Goddess!

Another while later

<Mike>: As opposed to a while later.

<Tom>: But Mike, this is *another* while later. *A while* has already passed.

<Mike>: Good point.

I spoke as casually as I could, "You know, I

still haven't given you my wish yet."

<Belldandy>: I am "so" glad my sister isn't so foolish my world.

<Tom>: All drivers must not cross the double yellow line. It is a one way street only.

A couple of quick comments - I'm basing this story partly on what I've

seen or read of AMG - the manga translations at venice, and watching

the first two OVAs (unsubbed) with Doug Cha's scripts,

<Crow>: And my own perversion.

and the rest on

my own twisted imagination.

<Crow>: Like I said.

Comments & (constructive) criticism about

the story are appreciated.

<Mike>: But rarely given.

Flames will be read, laughed at, and

trashed.

<Tom>: Much like we did to this fic.

<Mike>: Be nice………

IMHO, I'd much rather be with Belldandy, but she's such a _nice_

person she'd never do anything like this!

<Belldandy>: And I thank you for not including me in it.

<Mike>: We're also glad you didn't have Skuld in it.

Copyright of "Aa! Megami-sama" and the characters within belongs to

the appropriate copyright holder.

<Tom>: All of whom I don't know the names of.

Copyright 1993, all the rest of the story, to me.

I reserve the right to distribute this story wherever I want.

<Crow>: What do you suppose he means by that?

<Tom>: He sells his fics at the black market? How should I know?

(Written 1993/12/06; slightly revised 1993/12/16)

<Mike>: One down, two to go. *picks up Tom, and the others leave the theater*

**************************************************************** *************

[1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, Bridge ]

We see Belldandy sitting on a directors chair. Tom and Crow are flocking around her. Mike is holding a mike (no pun intended) to her.

"So tell me," Mike started, "how does it feel to finally realize that your father is not only the creator of life, but the director of many blockbuster hits?"

Belldandy giggled, then responded. "Well, I was surprised at first, but now I can use it as an opportunity to finally make it to the broadway. I've always wanted to dance."

"Can I have your autograph?" asked Tom.

"Sure thing." Answered Bell as she signed her name on a piece of paper, then gave it to the robot.

"Thank you so much! I'm like, such a big fan of your fathers! And here I am, talking to his daughter, face to face!"

"Um, Bell?" asked Crow. "Can we have your bracelet as a keepsake?"

"Well, alright." Answered Belldandy as she tossed it to Crow.

He was about to catch it, but Tom intercepted it with his mouth.

"It's mine!" he exclaimed. "Mine, I tell ya!"

"Hey! Give that back! She gave it to me!" exclaimed Crow as he tackled the other robot.

Belldandy just smiled at the little spat until the siren rung.

"We got fic sign!" shouted Mike as the group ran to the theater.

**************************************************************** *************

[6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1, Theater]

*Mike and the gang take their seats*

<Mike>: I hope this one will be as tolerable as the last.

The following is (kinda)hentai story. That means its protagonists (or

antagonists)

can and will engage in seXual intercourse.

<Crow>: Uh-oh.

<Mike>: Why do you say that?

<Crow>: I'm experiencing déjà vu here.

<Mike>: *looks closer at the fic* Uh-oh. This fic belongs to Alfa. *whispers to Crow* Don't let Bell know.

<Belldandy>: Too late!

<Bots>: O_O!

Now, this means you will find

seXual scenes that

may offend some of the readers.

<Tom>: Especially Bell.

It means you might find eXplicit language,

violence and/or

overall adult situations, not suitable for minors. If you are offended by

such written material

or can't, won't and/or shouldn't read on... don't.

<Bots> Thanks! *gets up*

<Mike>: Guys, the doors locked, remember?

<Crow>: But I don't want my head on fire!

<Tom>: Nor mine exploded!

All characters here were created by Kosuke Fujishima.

Now I think it's fair to warn you: I think Aa!MS sucks.

<Crow>: So we should be expecting bad things in our futures.

<Belldandy>: No one is forcing him to read or watch it.

I DO like

romantic, sentimental

stories, so long as they stick to their genre.

<Mike>: And you don't like this, why?

Once goddesses, psychic

powers and other

supernatural phenomena get involved, it tends to suck. Hard.

<All>: Oh.

<Belldandy>: But what's wrong with that?

<Mike>: His statement just exiled anime in general.

On the other hand, George, of the Vicious Circle likes it a bit too

much, so this one

goes to him!

<Tom>: Oh, I get it! A revenge fic!

<Crow>: *remembering the damage his head took from the last fic* Then consider "this" a revenge riff!

<Mike>: Calm down, Crow.

Now, I have read a couple Aa!MS hentai fics, none of which I

liked, being all the

same: Keiichi and Belldandy. Over and over, a story that already stinks

starts to hurt me.

<Belldandy>: So why not read some of the non hentai fics?

<Crow>: That would go against all that is hentai.

<Belldandy>: My world is "not" hentai! What he read was dojinshi!

<Crow>: *feeling the burn* Okay okay! I agree!

<Belldandy>: *now a little calm* I'm so sorry. I lost myself in the argument.

So I retaliate the only way I can think of:

<Tom>: (as Alfa) Writing a bad lemon! I'm such a genius!

writing a good Aa!MS story, of

course.

<Mike>: He's kidding, right?

This is

only the first of my "Angel Pusses" trilogy,

<Crow>: That sounds so wrong for some reason.

so I hope you like it enough to

actually go on

and read the second part.

<Mike>: Only if Pearl has her way.

ENJOY, DAMMIT!

<Crow>: (as Alfa) I LOVE SHOUTING, DAMMIT!

<Tom>: (ditto) IT GETS THE MESSAGE CLEAR, DAMMIT!

Wow! My Goddes!

Part One: Divine Longing.

<Mike>: Part one? So this is the first part of a long and grueling story?

<Tom>: I'm afraid so.

Another normal evening at the Morisato residence. Belldandy carried a

tray loaded with

tea and buns to the table where Keiichi, Urd and Skuld sat and awaited.

<Crow>: They awaited the new coming attractions of Tea and Buns, the movie! Coming to a theater near you!

-So, Keiichi-Urd broke the silence-,

<Mike>: And started adding the *negativity* to the scene.

is Belldandy gonna go with you to

that race on the

weekend?

-Um... I don't really know.-Keiichi turned to look at Belldandy, and

then back at

Urd.-Why do you ask?

-Oh, it's nothing, just wondering if I could invite someone over...

you know...

<Crow>: (as Urd) Alfa?

<Belldandy>: Don't remind me.

I'm planning ahead.

<Belldandy>: This time we have heat seeking weapons.

-Then you must also consider if Skuld will be at home.-Keiichi said.

<Crow>: (as Keiichi) She wouldn't want to catch us doing the deed, now would she.

-Oh, that doesn't worry me. I can always deal with her.

Skuld flashed an angry stare at her sister, who only smiled mochingly.

For a second,

she really looked tense.

<Tom>: (as Skuld) There goes my plan to rid Keiichi of my life.

-I don't care if you worry or not Urd. I really don't care for

anything you do, so there

really is no need for poking commentaries.

-I'm glad to hear that, kid. I wouldn't like to get in a fight with

you.

-Of course not. You're not as dumb as you look.

<Mike>: Ooh, good one.

-Why you little...

<Tom>: (as Homer) Why you little!

-Girls!-Keiichi interrupted the upcoming gratuitous fight.

<Crow>: (as Keiich) There's plenty of me for everyone!
<Others>: *laugh*

-Can we

please drink our tea

in peace?

Urd and Skuld calmed down and drank their respective cups of tea.

<Tom>: Because their "rude" cups were dirty at the moment.

Skuld stayed alert,

though, expecting any sudden attack from Urd. These last few days, she had

been tense as a

violin,

<Bots>: *making violin noises*

whenever Belldanady or Urd were around. The only time she seemed to

relax was when she

stayed alon with Keiichi.

<Crow>: Talk about OOC.

<Mike>: *to himself* At least Bell doesn't know where this is going yet.

<Bell>: Where is it going? I hope it's not what I think it is.

<Mike>: D'oh!

Skuld almost jumped when Belldandy moved to pick the teapot from the

table. She poured

the tea into a cup and turned to Keiichi. Skuld watched closely, almost

morbidly,

<Tom>: (as Skuld) So many ways to kill him. Should it be slow and painful, or quick and painless?

how

Keiichi's finger barely caressed against her sisters as he took the cup from

her hands.

<Crow>: I thought it was in a cup?

<Mike>: Bell must have high resistance to pain.

<Belldandy>: I had no idea I could do that.

She

felt her insides growl upon their scarce contact,

<Belldandy>: (as Skuld) Easy, stomach.

and felt the need to do

something. To escape.

She needed to...

<Bots>: KILL!!

>CRINK!<

Skuld's ahnd crushed her ceramic cup.

<Mike>: They just don't make ceramic like they used to.

She just couldn't help it. She

needed to get away.

<Tom>: Cool! Skuld's transforming into the Hulk!

<Mike>: (as Skuld) Please don't make me angry. You wouldn't like me when I'm angry.

-Sorry, I... I need to be excused.

She got up from the table and ran to her room, leaving everybody

slightly surprised

(but not too much, really! ^-^).

<Belldandy>: Why is that?

<Tom>: If my sister was turning into the Hulk, I'd be plenty worried.

-Wonder what the hell's up with that kid, now.-Urd said,

ever-so-coolly.

<Mike>: (as Urd) Just call me Joe Cool.

<Bots>: *singing the Joe Cool theme*

Skuld slammed the door to her room as she got in. She let herself fall

on the bed and

didn't move.

<Tom>: As to not set off the mines.

-Damn that Keiichi!-She cursed.-Somehow... it's all HIS fault!

<Belldandy>: (as Skuld) It's always his fault!

Keiichi... Keiichi...

<Bots>: *singing* Keiichi Keichi bo-be-ichi, banana-fana fo-feichi, mi-my-mo-eichi……Keiichi!

What is it that you got?... WHAT?!-Skuld sat up with a snap.

<Mike>: (as Skuld) Ow! My back!

- WHAT DID I

JUST THINK?!

NONONONONONONO...NO! This can't be real! I can't be...

<Belldandy>: (as Skuld) Stuck in this lemon!

-Thinking of Keiichi?- Urd stood at Skuld's door.

-Huh? How do you...

<Crow>: Do that voo-doo that you doo-doo?

-Well, I might not be as smart as you keep saying you are but, Hey! I

get by.

<Belldandy>: (as Urd) It's so easy to eavesdrop.

-Is it that obvious?

Urd nodded.

-I don't know what's going on!- Skuld cried.-I hate it! I just can't

see him beside

Bells,

<Mike>: Bells? Skuld calls you that?

<Belldandy>: Not to my knowledge.

or I'll start... thinking...

<Tom>: (as Skuld) About……how to kill…….WILLIAM SHATNER!

<Crow>: (as Skuld) Thinking too much will give me wrinkles.

-I know. It's OK, Skuld. Tell you what: normally, there's nothing you

can do about it...

but you ain't close to normal, and besides, you've got big sister URD!!!

<Crow>: (as Urd) Who is ready to help you do something you'll regret, and backstab Belldandy!

_____________________

<Tom>: Oh crummy lemon, how we knew ye.

A dark moonlit night.

<Mike>: Now "there's" a contradiction if I ever saw one.

Skuld laid on her bed, her eyes wide open. She

just could not

sleep.The moment she closed her eyes, she saw them: Keiichi and Belldandy.

Together. Alone.

<Crow>: (as Skuld) You two mind sleeping somewhere where I "can't" see you?!

She could not stand it. She could not bear it. She had to do something.

Before she broke.

<Tom>: Don't break the porcelain Goddess.

Before she went mad.

<Mike>: I'd hate to see what "mad" is, if that's what sane looks like.

Urd had said to wait. To hold until next morning so she could come up

with a plan to

help her. But Skuld was not sure if she could do it. If her nerves could

hold. She had to

do something. Befor she broke. Before she went mad.

<Crow>: Before she copies and pastes this paragraph again.

Skuld got up. Not really going where to go. She just couldn't stay in

bed. She walked

out of her room, and her bare feet silently crossed the wooden floor of the

hall. She could

hardly see where she stepped, and she definitely ignored where she headed.

She did not care

<Tom>: That she just stepped on a nail.

she just didn't want to stay. She had to do something. Before...

<Mike>: The lemon could ensue.

Suddenly, she realized she was standing in front of the paper door

that led to

Keiichi's room. She wasn't sure what she was doing, or how she had gotten

there.

<Tom>: Let's recap then. You left your room, walked for a bit, cursed to yourself because of the nail you stepped on, and was tempted to draw your name on Keiichi's paper door.

Slowly,

her hand rose to open. She tried to stop herself, but it was too late.

<Mike>: Her fingers were already outstretched.

Silently, she crept

inside, seeing absolutely nothing,

<Crow>: And bumping into many things.

but knowing by heart where to go.

<Crow>: Her heart was a poor leader.

Skuld

stopped in front

of where Keiichi slept.

<Tom>: At least, that's what she's assuming.

Sighing, she knelt beside him.

<Tom>: While wondering how she could have the words sighing, slowly, suddenly, silently, and Skuld all in one paragraph.

She didn't know why

she had come.

<Mike>: Her feet had a mind of their own.

<Bots>: *singing* These boots were made for walkin'………

She

wanted to see Keiichi, but it hurt, now that she did.

<Crow>: (as Skuld) *strangled sounds* You can let go of me now!

She smiled to herself

as she saw him

stirr in his sleep.

<Mike>: Keiichi's pretty talented.

But then, she cried, thinking of how close... and yet

how distant they

were. Her hand shyly moved towards Keiichi's sleeping, smiling face and

softly caressed

his lips. Skuld could not hold back, and she started to cry. She couldn't

stand it.

<Mike>: (as Charlie Brown) I can't stand it!

She wanted Keiichi. She loved him in a way she never thought possible.

Skuld desired Keiichi Morisato.

She bit her lip, trying to control her sobs.

<Crow>: And tasting her blood.

Keiichi's eyes opened. He sat up as he saw the weeping girl.

-Skuld? Dou da? Doushita no?

<Crow>: Helloo! Some of us can't read Japanese!

Skuld rested her head on Keiichi's chest. He caressed her soft, silky

black hair with

both hands.

<Mike>: (as author) Just wanted to let you know that.

He didn't understand what was going on, but he could tel Skuld

needed to be

comforted.

<Crow>: Wink-wink, nudge-nudge.

<Mike>: But this is Skuld we're talking about!

<Belldandy>: *glaring at the screen*

-Oh, Keiichi.-Skuld sobbed.-I'm sorry. I didn't mean...

-Hush, Skulh. It's OK.

<Tom>: In place of Skuld is her long lost twin sister, Skulh!

Skuld opened her eyes. Could it be? Could it really be OK? Could

Keiichi really

understand?

<Crow>: (as Skuld) What do you think, Skulh?

If so... then her problems would be solved by themselves!

<Crow>: (as Skuld) Thus creating all new problems! Yess! I'm on a roll!

Good

bye to the

agony of seeing Belldandy and Keiichi together. Good bye to her guilt, to

her mixed feelings.

And good riddance! Her heart felt overjoyed. She looked up at Keiichi's face

and smiled.

<Tom>: (as Skuld) She's your problem now!

<Mike>: (as Keiichi) But I barely even know her!

<Crow>: (as Skulh) Enough talk! We do this lemon now!

-I love you, Keiichi.

-I, uh...-Keiichi still couldn't get what this was all about.- I love

you too, Skuld.

<Mike>: (as Keiichi) But not in that way.

<Crow>: (as Skuld) Do you really have a choice in the matter?

<Mike>: (as Keiichi) No, I guess not.

Then his doubts were cast off when he felt Shuld's lips tenderly press

on his.

<Tom>: Shuld? I didn't know Skuld was a triplet.

<Belldandy>: This is all new to me.

Her

hands wrapped around his neck and caressed his back.

<Mike>: *barely dodges a falling statue* Whoa! Take it easy, Bell!

-Keiichi...-Skuld said, as she unbuttoned her nightshirt. She couldn't

believe what

she was doin, but she knew she couldn't miss this chance.

-Skuld... I don't think we should... -Keiichi could not finish his

sentence, because

Skuld took his hand and pressed it against her bare chest.

<Crow>: (as Keiichi) Aaah! You're a man?!

He couldn't

believe the smoothness

and the softness of her tender young breast, and he couldn't help but to

caress it.

<Tom>: Despite the huge age difference.

-Ah!-Skuld gasped.

Keiichi retired his hand when he realized what he was doing.

<Tom>: I didn't know hands had a retirement home.

-No, please, Keiichi.-Skuld pleaded. -Don't stop.

She took the boy's hand and guided it back to her chest.

<Crow>: He found it the first time. I don't think he'll miss it the second time.

Suddenly,

Keiichi started using

both hands to knead and massage on Skuld's pert breasts. He used his fingers

to gingerly

press on her hardened little nipples

<Tom>: Now that's one strange way to make bread.

<Belldandy>: *is now closing her eyes*

<Crow>: Um, Mike? Is smoke supposed to be coming out of the seats?

, causing more than one passionate

exclamation to escape

her lips.

<Mike>: Like this? *!!*

<Crow>: *!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!*

<Mike>: How did you do that?

<Crow>: BY BURNING!!!!

Then gradually, one hand began its descent down Skuld's flat smooth

stomach and crept

into her pajama's pants. He felt the silky wet patch of pubic hair, before

reaching Skuld's

humid mound.

<Tom>: And the game was called off due to humidity at the pitchers mound.

<Mike>: *has put Crow out* Are you alright?

<Crow>: Yeah, I think.

<Belldandy>: *eyes still closed* Will they stop making noise?!

Keiichi looked into her eyes. Skuld smiled and brace herself,

<Crow>: (as Skuld) Damn retainer!

as his finger

slowly felt its way into her.

Skuld gasped out ludly as Keiichi's fingers excited her, rubbing

directly on her clit.

She felt her own entrance so slippery, Keiichi's finger had found no

resistance whatsoever

as they slid in and out.

<Crow>: Tell me again the fascination with pedophilia?

<Mike>: I have no idea.

But even Keiichi's delightlful stimulations were pure torture. Skuld

wanted more than

just pleasure: she wanted HIM.

<Tom>: Why would she want "that" fruitbasket? *head explodes* I meant the powerpuff villian, not Keiichi! *head regrows*

<Mike>: You watch the Powerpuff girls?

<Tom>: Bite me!

<Cow>: Although Tom "could" be right on both counts. *is now burning again* I'm just kidding! I'm just kidding! *is back to normal* Sheesh, Bell! What's wrong with you?!

<Belldandy>: I'm so sorry! I can't control my emotions like that!

<Mike>: Think cold thoughts.

<Belldandy>: *is doing so*

Maneuvering, she slowly began to unbutton

Keiichi's pants.

After she was done, she stood up, leaving herown pants down and resumed

unbuttoning her blouse.

<Mike>: Did anyone understand that last sentence?

<Bots>: *shake their heads*

<Mike>: Good, then it's not just me.

Meanwhile, her crotch was left only inches from Keiichi's face. He

observed,

hipnotized, how her panties were soaked in her vaginal lubricants, becoming

almost completely

transparent, exposing the contour of her young, tender pussy. He watched

through the fabric,

how her mound, her pussylips, even her tiny, half-hidden clit, all were

displayed to his view.

<Crow>: And all this can be yours for the low-low price of $58.99, some prison time, and your soul!

<Tom>: Make all payments to Hell; Underworld, address 666 near the fire and brimstone! Just ask for Satan, and he'll do the rest!

<Mike>: That was pretty dark.

Unable to stop himself, his hand touched the bottom of her panties,

immediately pulling back,

startled by her legs trembling upon contact and her sudden gasp.

<Belldandy>: I hope it's morals.

-Ah!-Then she looked down.-I'm sorry Keiichi. It's just I wasn't

expecting that. Please,

go on.

<Mike>: Any minute now, someone should bust in on them, right?

<Tom>: What's the point? Either way it won't end well.

Keiichi smiled to himself.

<Mike>: Quite a difficult thing to do.

<Tom>: What a jip! I can see him smiling!

He pressed his hand back against Skuld's

panties, with more

strength this time, forcing the silky fabric into the girl's slit.

<Tom>: That must've hurt.

<Crow>: Not as much as I'm hurting right now!

He

caressed lightly,

making her moan with her eyes closed.

Her hands caressed her own breasts, and slowly began sliding down her

stomach, around

her waist and down to her pubic zone, pushing Keiichi's fingers deeper into

herself.

<Mike>: I wonder whatever happened to Skulh?

<Tom>: Not to mention Shuld.

<Crow>: *is fine at the moment* Probably filming this whole event.

Keiichi pushed her hands away, and then pulled Skuld's panties down

her legs. Again,

he looked up into her eyes for her approval. Skuld smiled at him, and

Keiichi made her

separate her legs, just a lttle bit.

-Keiichi...

<Crow>: (as Skuld) I changed my mind.

He pressed his face against Skuld's crotch, feverishly licking into

the girl's virgin

pussy, making her moan and gasp, her hands caresing Keiichi's dark hair.

-Hmm... Kei... ichi...

<Tom>: I'm on fire! It hurts! It hurts!

<Crow>: Help us Mike!

<Mike>: *is running away from a gremlin* I got my own problems here!

Keiichi kept on licking, and Skuld kept moaning, until she fell back

on Keiichi's bed,

her legs unable to stand.

-Uunh... Keiichi, stop...

<Bots>: *back to normal* Yes! She said stop!

<Mike>: *is seated back down* That gremlin was pretty fast.

<Belldandy>: Is there any possible way for us to skip this scene?

<Tom>: As much as we'd love to do that, Pearl only allows us to that when the scene is too graphic and/or violent.

<Mike>: Our pain doesn't count.

<Belldandy>: Well, I'm feeling better now. We can finish this up now.

<Crow>: I hope it's almost over.

He crawled up and fell on top of her. He inched his face towards hers.

-Skuld-He whispered.-,I never thought that you... and I... that we...

<Tom>: (as Keiichi) Could ever………have a speech……….impediment.

Skuld smiled at him, surrounding his neck with her arms. She pulled

him up violently,

letting out a little whimper of pain as she was penetrated, but then she

started to pant and

rock her hips when Keiichi started to pump into her.

<Crow>: Is that regular or unleaded?

<Belldandy>: *is appaled at the scene*

<Crow>: Mike! Stop her!

<Mike>: Just keep telling yourself, it's just a post, it's just a post.

<Belldandy>: *is doing so*

<Tom>: Hey Mike. Why is it that you hardly ever get hurt?

<Mike>: Probably because I'm not made of metal.

In and out, his organ

slid easily,

<Crow>: I wouldn't call it easy. After all, how does one get an instrument that massive insi-*is burned again* AAH! Help!

<Belldandy>: Sorry, but you weren't helping.

<Crow>: *is now better* I'll keep that in mind.

lubricated by Skuld's pussy juices.

<Tom>: I don't remember seeing a cat during all of this.

-Ah!...ah!...ah!... Kei!... ichi!... s!... stop! ... I'm... I'm

cumming!-She screamed,

<Crow>: (as Keiichi) Stop, go, make up your mind!

her voice as filled with joy, as her body wasfilled with pleasure.

Keiichi came only after Skuld did, and stayed panting, still on top of

her.

-Skuld... I never knew. But now... now I know who I truly love.

<Crow>: Having sex for the first time will do that to someone.

<Belldandy>: *holding back tears* It's just a post, it's just a post………

Tomorrow I'll...

-No, Keiichi.-Skuld silenced him.

<Tom>: Her weapon of choice? The Colt Python, of course.

-I can't let you do that... I can't

do that. Not to you.

Not no Bells. Not to myself.

<Crow>: (as Skuld) But I decided to do it anyways.

Tomorrow...-The girl's eyes welled up in

tears.-... tomorrow you

will have forgotten all about this night. About me. And so will I. Our past

together will

disappear.

<Mike>: Along with this fic.

<Crow>: Convienent little plothole, eh?

-Skuld.-Keiichi wiped the tears from her face.-Must it be like this?

-It must.-The girl answered sadly.-For your destiny is with Belldandy,

and I will not

bond you to me.

<Tom>: Oh, "now" she cares about that.

<Crow>: Little does she remember that her father can see all, and the two will be punished severely for it.

Skuld got up, picking up her clothes as she walked out the room. She

only wanted to

sleep. And forget. At least...

At least she could always dream...

<Crow>: (as Skuld) But why dream? I just made it a reality. I can do it over and over again if I wanted to.

<Mike>: (as her father) Not if I can help it!

Well? What do you think?

<Mike>: Does he really want our opinion?

<Crow>: Well, he asked for it………IT SUCKED!

<Tom>: I could see Kei and Bell, or even Kei and Urd, but Kei and "Skuld"?! That's just………wrong.

<Belldandy>: It was worse than your last story!

You see, a little variation never killed

anyone.

<Crow>: Just badly maimed.

Not that I

know of, anyway.

<Tom>: If robots could die, then seeing a fic like this in front of Bell would do the trick.

But, for all of you Belldandy fans, I suggest you read the

second part of

this fanfic, titled "Jealousy". Great shit!

<Belldandy>: "That" was the second part?!

<Mike>: Pearl must've grabbed the wrong part.

<Crow>: I don't know about great, but that other word fits the description.

<Tom>: Yeah! It didn't have enough Miranda lemon!

And great guest stars, I assure

you!

<Mike&Bots>: *laughing*

<Tom>: Miranda, maybe. You, forget it.

Like it or not,

<Tom>: Like we had a choice.

<Mike>: What? Liking it?

<Tom>: No, watching it.

address all comments, suggestions and/or (Goddesses

forbid!) flames

to: aa_yagami_sama@hotmail.com (get it?)

<Crow>: Got it? Good!

<Tom>: Now, ENJOY, DAMMIT!

Ok, se ya in the next fanfic!

<Tom>: Not if we can help it.

Or in hell, you for reading this, and

me... hmm...

we'll see.

<Bots>: O_O! What?! Wait! It wasn't our fault!

<Crow>: Pearl made us watch it!

<Tom>: I plead innocent!

<Mike>: Relax, guys. No one is going to hell, at least I think we're not.

Jya ne!

<All>: Yay! It's over!

xXx-MAN

<Crow>: I am Vin Diesel!

*Mike picks up Tom, and the group exits the theater*

**************************************************************** ***********

[1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, Bridge ]

As soon as Mike and the group enter, Pearl is calling them. Mike answers the call.

"Yeah?" he says.

CASTLE FORRESTER

"How did you like my little surprise fic?" she asked with an evil grin. "Thought you had it easy after that first fic, didn't you?"

S.O.L.

"That was a dirty trick!" exclaimed Belldandy.

CASTLE FORRESTER

"I know. Being evil is my specialty. Don't fret too much about it though. The final fanfic is going to mentally damage both you and my little guinea pigs."

"But I didn't do anything." Said Bobo.

"Shut up! I was talking about my `other' guinea pigs!"

"Sorry about that, Lawgiver. My mistake."

Turning back to the gang she spoke again. "Well, hope you suffer." Then she turns off the projection.

S.O.L.

"Don't worry, Bell." Said Mike. "just resist this last one, and you can go home."

"But what about you guys?"

"We're survivors, we can take it." *alarm sounds* "We got fic sign!"

So Mike and the gang enter the theater.

[6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1, Theater ]

*Mike and the gang take their seats*

<Crow>: *praying* Please don't let this fic be horrible.

<Tom>: Come off it, Crow. You "know" you're not on good terms with him. Not after all the scams and perversions you committed.

<Crow>: Bite me!

<Mike>: Guys, the fics starting.

Shinji Ikari/10 o'Clock Assassin/Purge Raizah <tyree3@pacbell.net>

<Tom>: That's a lot of aliases.

Loyal Soldier on Rolento's Evil Mission, Part of the Yagami Team,

Admirerer of Izumi Maki, 2D Fighting Genre Video Game Addict

Anti-Stotokan Scrub Dispencer, Loyal But Picky Anime Fan,

And All Around By The Book Guy.

<Mike>: He sure goes all-out on his intro, doesn't he.

WARNING: This fanfic contains sex! Reader's discretion is strongly advised.

<Crow>: Hear that, Mike? This lemon has sex in it.

<Mike>: Cute, Crow.

* * * * * * * * * * * *

#Oh My Goddess!#

"The New Goddess"

* * * * * * * * * * * *

<Tom>: It was so new, we just "had" to display it full of stars.

<Crow>: It's an all-star cast!

"Bell-chan..."

"Kei-san..."

<Mike>: Mike-san.

<Crow>: Crow-sama.

<Tom>: Tom-kun.

<Belldandy>: Bell……Oh, right. It's already there.

Urd is in her bedroom trying to watch the afternoon soap opera when the

sudden sound of the umpthousandth K-Bell sex scene ensues.

<Mike>: That's an odd way of introducing a new character.

<Tom>: It's K-Bell! Sister to K-Mart!

Urd: [Damn! Can't I watch a little TV in peace?]

Keiichi moans loudly as his equally passionate lover takes the tip of his

member into her mouth. She massages it with her tongue, coaxing him to fill her

mouth with the essence of his manhood.

<Belldandy>: *blushing deeply*

<Tom>: I didn't know they had it in `em.

He doesn't disappoint as his cock shoots

off into Belldandy's mouth.

<Crow>: Thus turning Bell into a canni*Bell.*

<Mike>: Cute pun, Crow.

This pleases the beautiful goddess as she continues to

play with his balls and suck the remnants of his stickiness from his cock.

<Mike>: This is so unlike them.

<Belldandy>: *is blushing* Are we married or something?

Bell: Kei-san...

Kei: Yes, my love...?

Bell: It's your turn now.

Kei: Okay. Here I go...

<Tom>: (as Mario) Here we goooo!

Feeling a little relaxed now, Keiichi gets up from the mattress and lays

Belldandy where he was. He then licks on one of her regular sized breasts whilst

playing with the other.

<Crow>: Because the other one was larger.

He then kisses her sweatly in the mouth as his hand moves

downward to her crotch and massages her...

Urd: KEIICHI!!

<Crow>: Damn!

<Tom>: That's unlike Urd to disturb a good sex scene.

Kei: WAAAHH!! Urd!

<Crow>: (as Whiny Keiichi) You're distracting me!

Bell: What is it, Urd-san? What's wrong?

<Belldandy>: Urd-san?

<Tom>: Goddess sex changes, tonight on Oprah.

Urd: Gee. Let's see... Let's just say that... If I look up "sex" in the dictionary, I'd

probably find the picture of you two having it.

<Mike>: I don't get it.

<Crow>: Was that supposed to be joke? Cause if it is, it's lame.

Kei: Don't be so mad, Urd! I'll give you some, too!

<Mike>: O_O!

<Tom>: Yep, your common lemon.

<Belldandy>: *confused*

Bell: That's right. You can join us and we can all have sex.

<Bots>:O_O! *turn to Belldandy*

<Belldandy>: I would never say anything like that!

Urd: No-no-no-no-no. I'm not mad about that. I'm just mad because... You two

have been having sex all this time... Even though... It's not physically

possible.

<Crow>: How isn't it possible? Bell and Keiichi have the parts opposite from each other, and the ability to insert-

<Mike>: *covers Crows beak* That'll be enough for now.

Keiichi had known this too well. Once an underdog at the NIT Tech

Motorcycle Club,

<Tom>: So there was nitroglycerine there?

<Mike>: Goodbye club.

a seemingly innocent call to a 24H take-out restaurant turned out

to be a night spent with a luxurious goddess. Too bad he wasn't prepared for it.

For when he was asked what to wish for, Belldandy could see in his eyes what it

was that he wanted. Soon, instinct gave way to logic. But in a horrible twist of

fate, reality gave way to instinct.

<Mike>: Alright, I'm lost.

<Tom>: Let's see………they were talking about the first episode, then the wish, then………sorry, now "I'm" lost.

<Belldandy>: I would enlighten you, if I knew what they were talking about.

There are things that can be said about Keiichi, though.

<Crow>: I can think of a few, but for Bells sake, I won't say them.

<Mike>: Good move.

On top of being

smart, resourceful, and cute; he's also a gentleman. He will not do harm to any

woman who's in his heart; no matter what abhorrence she keeps in her closet.

<Belldandy>: Yes, Keiichi is a very kind man.

<Crow>: So Bell? What kinds of things do you keep in your closet?

<Belldandy>: What do you mean?

<Crow>: Any skeletons?

<Belldandy>: None that I know of.

<Crow>: *turns to Mike* Thought my mind was in the gutter again, didn't you?

<Mike>: *puts his head down in shame*

For

Belldandy, it's that dirty trick noted by Mr. Darwin as "Hermaphroditism."

<Mike>: O_O!

<Crow>: *faints*

<Tom>: *head explodes*

<Belldandy>: Wh-what did she just say?

Kei: I'm sorry. My reaction to stuff like this is different from yours.

<Tom>: Why?! Why?! Why?!

<Crow>: *gets up* Pearl knew of this all along! It's another Oscar!

<Mike>: I never thought I'd actually see any fic that involved a hermaphrodite.

<Tom>: Dr. F was crazy when he unleashed it on us! We want out!

<Belldandy>: That's………impossible! I am not a-

<Crow>: Don't say it!

Urd: Keiichi... Please don't tell me that you're getting drilled in the back by her.

Please!

<Crow>: Yes, please don't tell us!

<Tom>: *has a new head* For the sake of my head, please don't!

<Mike>: Both meanings of that are kinda disturbing.

Kei: Okay... I won't.

Urd: ???!!!

<Tom>: *head explodes again*

<Crow>: @_@ Too………much………..information!

<Mike>: Calm down you guys. You don't see Bell reacting this way. Right, Bell?

<Belldandy>: *chanting* It's just a post, it's just a post…….

<Mike>: Er, nevermind.

Bell: Kei-san and I are in love with each other.

Urd: All that is fine and well, my dear sisbro.

<Bots>: *laughing*

<Tom>: Good one, Urd.

But...

Kei/Bell: But...

Urd: All that great cooking you guys do then decides to exit the same way it came

in!

<Crow>: Good idea. If this lemon starts to get graphic, that's what I'll do.

<Tom>: *has a new head* I'll do that too, if my head doesn't explode again.

Later that day, Keiichi's in his room looking through the photo album.

Pictures of him doing Bell, Bell doing him, him and Bell doing either Urd or

Megumi...

<Crow>: I think I'll wretch now. *does so*

<Tom>: I'll join you. *nothing comes out* Maybe not.

His hard-on doesn't stay down for long.

Kei: Ahhh. I don't see why Urd is so angry. Bell-chan is so... big... compared to

me... And when she enters me, I can't help but to feel the way a woman

does... The sheer sensation of being filled.

<Tom>: *head explodes again*

<Mike>: Tom, that's really getting old.

<Tom>: I can't help it!

<Crow>: *is finished wretching after hearing that sentence* Read that sentence again, Mike!
<Mike>: *does so* Uh, I'm not feeling too well.

Oh well, I guess I better call

Megumi and ask her what's up. (Picks up the phone and dials her

number....)

???: HO-HO-HO-HO-HO!!

<Crow>: Kodachi has entered the scene.

<Tom>: Nah, it's old saint Nick.

Earth Assistance Hotline, at your service-Ga!

<Belldandy>: What was that?

<Tom>: A cat coughing up a hairball?

Kei: Huh?

???: I can hear it! A desperate heart calling out to have his deepest wishes

fulfulled-Ga! Worry not, little man! For I shall take care of you on-site-Ga!

(KLICK!!)

<Crow>: This cat must have one hell of a hairball problem.

<Mike>: (as Keiichi) Weirdo.

As time freezes for a confused Keiichi, his prized camera hovers to the floor,

then flips up and shoots a blinding white light from it's lenses.

<Crow>: Obliterating him from existence.

From the spotlight

of said lenses, someone jumps through the ceiling and floats to the floor striking a

pose along the way.

<Mike>: (as Keiichi) You "are" going to pay for that, right?

Peo: Salutations-Ga! I'm so pleased to meet you! The creme de la creme of

goddesness, EAH Class 1.2U (Unlimited) Goddess... PEORTH! Has entered

the stage-Ga!

<Tom>: You know, that's really getting annoying.

<Crow>: A goddess that coughs up hairballs? Now I've seen everything.

Keiichi, stunned with the fact that he's called up another goddess, turns his

head to look at this new visitor; only to find that she's... Not wearing much...

Never mind, it's doing wonders for his sex drive.

<Crow>: (as Keiichi) Yess! A hermaphrodite and a cat to go with it!

<Mike>: Don't go there, Crow.

Peo: So? Which pose do you like better-Ka?

<Belldandy>: (as Babs) Do you like my ears up, or down?

Kei: (Hangs up the phone.) Uh... You're not here to grant me a wish, are you?

<Crow>: Because he couldn't possibly want another wish.

Peo: Well, what else can we be here for? I am the messanger that has decended

from Heaven to grant your heart's desire-Ga!

Kei: (A drop of sweat hiding his face, and a throbbing hard-on tightening his

pants.) Gee, I don't know. Does it include gratifying my instinct as well?

<Crow>: According to the first fic we saw, yes.

Peo: Well, that depends-Ga. See, I may have a naturally perfect body. But hiding

under it is something so hidious, so horrendous, that those who have seen it

were unable speak due to mental scarring-Ga.

<Tom>: An old battle scar?

<Belldandy>: A deformed body?

<Mike>: Oscar's packages?

<Crow>: Now who's mind is in the gutter.

<Mike>: *shrugs*

Kei: You have a cock?

Peo: ????!!!! NO! I. Am. A. Smoker-Ga.

<Crow>: Well obviously, what with you coughing up hairballs all over the place.

<Tom>: Well, I'm just glad it's just that.

Kei: Huh?! But you're a goddess, right?

Peo: Of course I am-Ga! However! Even the most beautiful and most lovely of

all goddesses, like myself, have their warts-Ga.

<Tom>: I may not be a smoker, but what does smoking have to do with warts?

<Belldandy>: I think it was a figure of speech.

<Crow>: "Somebody" seems to love touching frogs.

Kei: (Thinks for a minute. Then...) Aw, screw it. I wish to have the greatest sex

with you!

<Crow>: What a waste of a wish!

<Tom>: No gold? No fame? No curing Bell of her "problem?"

<Belldandy>: *chanting* It's just a post, it's just a post……

After a mind-altering flash of ILM special effects...

<Tom>: Keiichi went completely blind, and was run over by a car moments later.

Keiichi lovingly kisses Peorth on the lips as he sooths his hand along

her

breasts and pussy lips. (What he lacks in cocksize he makes up incredibly in

foreplay.)

<Tom>: So he brings his rooster with him?

<Mike>: *To Belldandy* Keiichi has a rooster?

<Belldandy>: No, he doesn't.

He lays her on his mattress, stripping the rest of her clothes off as well as

his own, and proceeds to do her from behind. He enters himself into her sopping

gates;

<Tom>: Which were actually the sopping gates of hell!

blessed again with the feeling of entering his member into someone of the

opposite sex.

<Crow>: Because prison was really taking its toll on him.

Spending so much time with Belldandy he'd almost forgot which

hole to enter.

<Crow>: @_@ Bad image!

<Tom>: *sarcastically* Now "that's" something we wanted to hear.

Peo: [I must say, this kid knows how to treat a lady-Ga. I must tell all my

comrades about him.]

<Crow>: Because every gentleman forgets which hole to enter.

Our hero continues to slam her from behind;

<Mike>: Then where's Keiichi?

<Crow>: Mike? My circuitry is getting heated up again!

grabbing her nice cushy

buttocks as he impales her with his member. Soft moans escape this lovely

goddess' lips as she feels his cock thrusting in and out of her.

Kei: Peorth...! I'm gonna cum!

Peo: Yes! Please do-Ga!

<Tom>: What is it that she eats?

With that, Keiichi goes off and shoots his jizz into this beautiful goddess'

love canal. Then he exits her and shoots the rest of it all over her entrance. After

that he collapses on top of her in a bliss of spent energy.

<Mike>: (as Austin Powers) And I'm spent!

Peo: What is your name, little man-Ka?

Kei: The name... Is Keiichi. Keiichi Morisato...

<Tom>: I'm Servo, Tom, Servo.

<Mike>: I'm Nelson, Mike, Nelson, and that's codename 007.

And my question... What's with

the "Ga" and "Ka" at the end of your sentences?

<Belldandy>: I've been wondering that myself.

<Crow>: (as Peo) It's just my hairballs.

<Tom>: (as Keiichi) Why didn't you just use the wastebasket?

Peo: Oh-oh-oh-oh.

<Mike>: What-what-what-what?

<Tom>: Who-who-who-who?

<Crow>: Peo is in fact, a real life broken record player.

"Ga" as in God, "Ka" as in Kami.

<Crow>: Would'nt that be "Go"?

<Mike>: Nah, then she would be saying; "Go me!"

They're at the end of most

of my sentences because at the end we will soon become closer to God.

<Belldandy>: For they will soon witness as he erases their names from the book of life.

Keiichi-Ka? Keiichi?

Evidently, the sex was so great to him that he went to sleep on it.

Peo: Oh great, just great! Evidently I'm so magnificent and marvelous that I drive

men to sleep-Ga!

<Tom>: (as Peo) That, and the fact that my body is filled with poison.

Urd: (Crossed-eyed.) And what do we have here?

Bell: Peorth-san! Long time no see!

<Belldandy>: Peorth-san?

<Crow>: Well, that explains Keiichi doin her from behind.

<Mike>: Crow………

Peo: [No! That can't be! My highly superb hearing is not hearing this-Ga!]

(Turns her head to find...)

<Crow>: That everyone is dead!

Urd: Looks like Keiichi called in another one, sisbro.

Bell: Would you like some tea? Cookies? California roll sushi with extra

cinnamon?

<Tom>: (as Belldandy) Or how about some hot, passionate hermaphrodite love? *is now frozen in a block of ice*

<Belldandy>: Sorry about that.

<Mike>: I think I finally know what Joel meant when he said "think frosty."

Peo: (Looking angrily) You-Ga!

<Crow>: Yu-gi-oh!

The goddesses from my rival agencies! What

business have you two with this... this... oversexed little man-Ka?!

Bell: Well... You see... I've... Contracted... With Keiichi.

<Crow>: In more ways than one.

Peo: Huh?! Oh no! He didn't make... THAT wish! Did he-Ka?!

Urd: Actually it's not that big a deal. Just fuck him, and he'll walk through

Earth's greatest natural disasters just to do the smallest things for you.

<Crow>: Yep, that's Keiichi for ya. The wind-up sex toy. *is now on fire* AAH!

<Mike>: Bell? Do you mind? The fics almost over.

<Belldandy>: Sorry. *restores him.*

Peo: Correct me if I'm wrong-Ga. But last I checked, Belldandy has a penis. And

you have gonorrhea-Ga.

<Tom>: Must I be reminded of the little Oscar event?!

<Belldandy>: Gonorrhea? How is that even possible for a goddess?

<Mike>: Just smile and nod.

Urd: Let's just say that he'll never look at a beautiful woman the same way again.

<Crow>: (as Fat Bastard) Cause once you've gone Oscar, ye never go back!

Besides, I'm fixed so I won't burn anymore.

<Crow>: So they decided to spay Urd?

<Belldandy>: She would "never" go for such a thing.

Belldandy on the other hand...

Well...

Peo: Oh my god, no.

Urd: That was my first reaction. Apparently Mr. Morisato doesn't have the heart

to turn a woman down.

<Bots>: *whiny voices* Mike! They're not making any sense!

Peo: I see. Nothing soothes the savage beast like a cute face-Ga. But still... Bell

has an 8-foot cock-Ga! How much more would you love your lady if she

doesn't have one of those-Ka?

<Crow>: I don't know, you tell me.

<Tom>: I've heard of unconditional love, but this is ridiculous.

Urd: (Pulls Belldandy's member from out of hiding.) Gee, I don't know. More

than you think?

<Bots>: AAAAHH! Make it stop!!

Bell: No... Stop...

<Belldandy>: Are goddesses supposed to feel ill?

<Crow>: Are robots?

<Belldandy>: I'm not sure.

<Crow>: Then join the club.

<Mike>: It looks like robots "and" deities can get sick.

Peo: (Starts freaking out.) No way-Ga! I'm not having sex with my rivals!

After a while Keiichi wakes up from his sweet slumber to be treated to yet

another sex scene; that which is composed of Peorth, under slight protest, being

done in the back by Belldandy and licked along the nipples of her breasts by Urd.

<Mike>: Alright, I'm confused. What just went on?

<Crow>: Finally! Some girl on girl action!

<Tom>: You go girls!

<Belldandy>: *is appalled by the scene*

<Bots>: *on fire* Put us out Mike! Put us out!

In little time Keiichi has picked up his natural urges once more.

<Mike>: *extinguishes the bots* It's just too bad you couldn't pick up "yours."

<Belldandy>: I am so sorry. It just happened.

Kei: L- Let's eat...

<Belldandy>: Eat? Eat what?

<Bots>: *snickering*

* * * * * * * * * * * *

Meanwhile, at the Yggdrasil Control Center...

<Crow>: A rain of stars were showering all over the base!

Skuld: Dang-it, Bell! It's not fair! You and your boyfriend are having all this

sex, and I'm still stuck up here konking those little bugs! This sucks!

<Mike>: All in favor of pretending Skuld never said that, raise your hand.

<All>: *raises their hands*

<Mike>: Good. Then let us never speak of this again.

* * * * * * * * * * * *

<Tom>: (as Chop-chop master onion)*singing* Look up in the sky!

<Crow>: (ditto) See the stars!

Apologies to Kosuke Fujishima and Kodansha Ltd. It had to be done.

<Mike>: (as author) I "had" to defile your characters good name.

<Tom>: (ditto) The devil made me do it!

<Crow>: Apparently hell was running out of space, and he wanted in.

<Belldandy>: I'm just glad that this is over.

*Mike picks up Tom, and the group leaves the theater*

**************************************************************** **********

[1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, Bridge ]

"That was appalling!" Exclaimed Belldandy as she placed Crow down. "How can people be so bold as to portray gods and goddesses that way?"

"Welcome to the world of fanfiction." Answered Crow. "So, you ready to go home?"

"I sure am."

"Alright, let's call Pearl." Said Mike as he pushed the signal.

CASTLE FORRESTER

Pearl immediately answered the signal.

"So, I take it Bells is ready to go home. By the way, how did you guys enjoy the fic? I'm hoping it brought back some `painful' memories."

S.O.L.

"Well, not really." Answered Mike. "If that's what Oscar was like, then I don't really see what the big deal was."

"Besides," continued Tom, "once you've experienced the horrors of and Oscarfic and lived to tell about it, everything else just seems, how shall we say, minute?"

CASTLE FORRESTER

"Then what are those burn marks, Crow?"

S.O.L.

"Oh, these? These are nothing but scratches."

CASTLE FORRESTER

"So, you aren't the least bit traumatized? Just a teeny, little bit?"

S.O.L.

"Nope." Answered Mike. "Sorry Pearl. Better luck next time."

CASTLE FORRESTER

"(Damn)!" she thought, then grinned evilly. "Brain guy! Are they telling us the truth?"

"They appear to be." He answered. "But I'm sensing some negativity from our guest."

"So Bell, tells us what the fic did for `your' mind" she asked.

S.O.L.

"As a goddess, I cannot lie. I found it quite offensive and very appalling! With all that said, I'd like to return home!"

CASTLE FORRESTER

"Sure thing." Pearl said with evil delight. "I accomplished what I wanted to do to your mind. Send her home, Brain guy."

"As you wish." Observer said. He used his mind powers to bring Belldandy back to the castle, then activated the machine, and she was cast into it. The portal closed seconds later. "It is done."

"Excellent!" said Pearl. "And now, since these fics were able to horrify a goddess, they'll certainly break the spirits of many earthlings! Bobo! Unleash the fics to the world!"

"Whatever you say, Lawgiver." The ape said as he was looking for the fics.

S.O.L.

The whole time, Mike and the bots were just grinning and smiling.

CASTLE FORRESTER

Pearl noticed this. "What is so amusing? I'm about to rule the world."

Bobo came back in distress. "Lawgiver! The fics have been incinerated!"

"What?! How is that possible?!" She then realized what happened. "Dammit! She used her powers to destroy them when she arrived!" She thought for a couple of seconds, then responded. "But, we can always, upload it again on the internet. Brain guy! Upload those fics!"

"Sure thing, ma'am." Observer said. He used his mind to upload the fics, but to no avail. "I do not understand. They should already be in our hands. It's as if they've been erased from existence."

"No way!" exclaimed Pearl. "Let me check!" she quickly checked the many URL's on which the fics were posted. She couldn't find the pen names "or" the fics anywhere. "No! My plan is ruined!" Then she turned to Observer. "Damn you for ever creating that machine!" Then she turned to Bobo. "And damn `you' for choosing an Oh my Goddess fic!"

"I am sorry, Lawgiver." Said Bobo apologetically. "I'll do better next time."

"The solution is simple." Said Observer. "Next time, don't send any Oh my Goddess fics if you're planning to use this machine."

S.O.L.

"I think I should say one more thing." Said Crow. "You see, if you have done your research, you'll know that Bell has the ability to make people forget things. So she'll never remember the details of those fics."

"And to top it all off," continued Tom, "she also erased the graphic details of those horrible Oscarfics that haunted our minds. We may still remember the fics, but at least we won't be horrified by them anymore."

"And best of all," finished Mike, "our wounds are healed, and the gang `still' doesn't know about my inability to program a VCR."

At this, the bots laughed. Mike put his head down in embarrassment.

CASTLE FORRESTER

"DAMN IT ALL TO HELL!!!" shouted Pearl. "My plans have finally succeeded, and they were ruined by a goddess!" After a few seconds of breathing, she calmly spoke again. "But it's alright. I'm sure there are `still' many horrible fics to unleash on you guys. But I assure you, I'll find a way to get even with you, and send a fic so horrifying, you'll never recover from it! Hahahaha!"

"Just remember," inquired Bobo, "don't send any omnipotent beings as guests."

With that, she slapped him across his head. "Shut up! I know that already!" Then she turned back to Mikes direction. "Until then, have a nice day." Then she signed off.

S.O.L.

The gang was quite happy. It wasn't everyday that they could best Pearl like that. They each took a mug of beer that gypsy provided for them, gave a toast for Belldandy, and drank to it.

End of MST

Authors note: Well, I hope you liked it. Send all comments and such to evil_reviewer@hotmail.com Remember, my mst's can only get better with your feedback.

~~ I dial a wrong number, and Spielberg sends a

woman over, claiming to be a goddess, to give me a wish?~~