Ah My Goddess Fan Fiction ❯ Trial By Tenderness ❯ Part 13 - Footsteps ( Chapter 13 )

[ Y - Young Adult: Not suitable for readers under 16 ]

Part 13: Footsteps



"Hey Megumi, wait up!" Sora Hasegawa shouted, dashing up as Megumi closed the car door.
"Can I catch a ride home?" she hurriedly asked, the wind whipping her carefully layered hair into a rustle.
"Sure, Sora! What happened to your Toyota?" Megumi inquired.
"My folks had use both cars for a trip up north to Oya to get some special salt and seasonings for the restaurant," she answered, deftly hopping into Megumi's car.
"Wow, I can't believe that there's only two weeks remaining until summer break!" Megumi said excitedly while looking across the cabin of her car at Sora.
"Yeah...and one more race!" Sora noted.
On the way home, they discussed today's Motor Club lunch meeting. The Nekomi Tech Motor Club's final race before summer break was a casual ATV haul up the eastern beach of the Boso Peninsula. It was minor league compared to this spring's Solar Car competition; nevertheless the N.I.T. Motor Club entasked themselves diligently on their entry the past two weeks. It would be fun, as it was part race, part summer beach party.
Because the N.I.T. Motor Club had won the international solar race, they had established a reputation as *the* club to beat on the college racing circuit. At the latest club meeting, Tamiya reiterated that they were going to endure much stiffer competition due to their now-legendary status among Japan's engineering colleges. He was especially concerned about one Toshiyuki Aoshima and his N.I.T. Four Wheel Club. The "Resentment Club" as Ootaki often referred to Aoshima's racing club. Thus, they couldn't afford to let the spectre of complacency diminish their ongoing efforts.
"Gotta keep us our edge!" Tamiya had insisted in his lecturing voice.

* * * * * * *

The subject of Aoshima brought giggles to both girls as Megumi took the scenic route along the ocean. Once more, he had gotten 'snapped' by Cevn-sensei in their Asian History class. Megumi coined the term after Aoshima impudently challenged their teacher several weeks ago, in the midst of a discussion on Asian influences upon Japan's history. He blatantly accused Cevn of using his gaijin status to obtain his position, then added that he was unqualified to teach Japanese students. The class was riddled with astonishment at this act of callousness; as Cevn had been in the hospital just two weeks earlier. Then Aoshima publicly challenged Cevn to a debate after class. He quizzed Cevn on Japanese topics, of which their teacher acquitted himself admirably. Then Cevn responded by asking erudite questions in Greek and Japanese that the freshman couldn't answer, much to his embarrassment.
Since then, Aoshima had repeatedly tried to heckle Cevn-sensei with some obscure bit of information. It was always the same: Cevn would reply with a clarifying question which Aoshima couldn't answer; then Cevn would discourse briefly on the topic Aoshima had brought up, while the latter would turn red-faced. Once, the class laughed at Aoshima, which incurred a stern reproof from Cevn about their lack of peer respect. So now all the laughter was relegated to the drive home after school, at least in Megumi and Sora's case. Feeling relaxed, Megumi and Sora decided to pull over to watch the ocean waves play over the shoreline.
"Hey, this weekend, Genji and I are going to a Noh play as Cevn's guests!" Megumi announced excitedly, her eyes twinkling. She had been preparing for this weekend for over a month, including selecting a special outfit for the occasion.
"Ehhh? What an unusual place for a date?" Sora said with puzzlement.
"It's *not* a date, Sora! It's just a chance for me to catch Genji's eye and hopefully, maybe his heart!" she countered.
"Sounds like a *date* to me, any way you put it, Megumi. Every fresh moment, an idea appears to the heart...and you *can't* deny it!" Sora said sarcastically, rolling her eyes. She looked over at her friend, noticing a blush roiling on Megumi's clear complected face.
"Whose weird idea was it to go to a *Noh play*?"
"It was Cevn's initiative anyway, once he discovered that Genji is fascinated by Noh theatre. By the way, what's happening between you and Aoshima, girlfriend?" Megumi teased with a feigned coquettish voice, switching the subject. Sora looked at Megumi with a misty-eyed expression, her lips trembling.
"*Nothing*..." she said dejectedly in a voice so quiet, she hoped that no one would hear it. Once more, Megumi wondered how in the world her best friend could be interested in Aoshima. The guy was "Mr. Unavailable" half of the time and "Mr. Promiscuous" the other half.
"Nothing?" Megumi looked thoughtful for a moment, then an idea popped in her head; her whole affect returning to cheerful peach. Sora saw the animated look on Megumi's face and turned a sly face.
"*What*?"
"You know that the last race of the year is coming up. Once Aoshima loses, he'll need someone to comfort him. Think of it! *That's* your opportunity Sora! And right before summer vacation too!"
"That won't work! I've tried to comfort him before, but he is always interested in someone else!" Sora noted grimly. Once more she cursed her luck at being a 'late bloomer'.
"But we'll make it *different* this time! You know how he usually mopes around the week after he loses a race. But this time, we need to make him a hero in some way. Remember when you and Keiichi were in the clubhouse and the gas was on?" Sora's freckled face flushed red at the memory of Keiichi walking in on her while she was putting on her jumpsuit. Recovering, she smiled as she remembered the embarrassed look on Keiichi's face that day.
"What'd I say, Sora?" Megumi asked, noticing her friend's glint of vinegar embarrassment...
"Ohhh, I forgot that you and Keiichi..." she realized, covering her mouth with her hand.
"Anyway?" Sora interrupted, her voice sod with irritation and impatience.
"Anyway...Aoshima was the hero that day. I noticed that he paid a lot more attention to you for the next few days. He must have a weak spot for women faced with exigency. Combine that with something to do with food..." Sora grimaced at this, as culinary artistry was one of her worst nightmares. "...and he'll be ready for you to apply the charm!" Megumi concluded with an appeased grin.
"Exigency, huh?" Sora commented.
Both women had thoughtful miens for several moments as they resumed their drive, traveling through the city center of Makuhari. They passed the Ruruji Restaurant. Sora remembered that the restaurant had a romantic charm that many couples at N.I.T. swore by.
"Yes, but how can I get Toshiyuki to go with me there?" she wondered.
Once again, Megumi was left questioning what was going on in this brilliant, yet love-struck girl's head. She was referring to Aoshima by his *first name* in casual conversation...as if they were already lovers or something!
Sora started giggling...
"I got it! You and I can go to the Ruruji while Toshiyuki's eating there. Midway through dinner, I'll feign that I'm choking on some food. Toshiyuki will be forced to do a Heimlich Maneuver to keep me from dying. You can whoop it up, so everyone is convinced that I'm on the brink of death!"
Megumi smiled broadly at this idea.
"Cool!!! Aoshima will *have* to rescue you! Then I can invite him to our table. We can thank him and offer to take him with us to a movie. We'll make sure to arrive late, so that the theatre will be packed. You and he will have to sit alone together while I'll 'volunteer' to sit somewhere else in the theatre. I could arrange to meet a friend 'by accident' there, and you'll have Aoshima all to yourself. He'll be like putty, all smarmy and..."
"And since he 'saved' my life, I can *really* work on him. He cannot refuse the grateful affections of a damsel in distress," Sora said with an voice affected with enticement.
"That would blow the whole hero thing out of the water! The funny thing is, he won't even know it! He'll think that he's being all urbane and stuff, and I'll play right along with it!" Sora eagerly added as she kicked her heels on the floorboard.
"Hey, watch the floorboard...you'll punch a hole in this old rustbucket! You need to wait until you're choking to kick like that!" Megumi teased her friend. The car pulled up by the Hasegawa Ramen Shop and Sora thanked Megumi, then jumped out.

* * * * * * * *

I spent the afternoon reviewing student papers. This was the final round of short paper assignments before finals. Megumi and Sora's papers were good as usual. Ootaki had a flair for metaphor, and Tamiya was parsimonious. Overall, from an academic standpoint, this was a good class. 31 students, 30 papers.
"Ahhh, Sayoko," I thought with concern. Sayoko had missed this assignment and in the last two weeks had been absent from roughly half her classes. I had tried to talk to her about her schoolwork last week, but she was unreceptive and uninspired.
This weekend, I would be going to the National Noh Theatre in Tokyo with Megumi and Genji. We would drive south to Chiba, then take the JR Sobu Line to the Akibahara Station. Then we would travel west until we reached Yoyogi, where we would disembark and catch a cab to a restaurant in Sendagaya. Megumi informed me that the theatre was about a 10-minute walk from the restaurant.
"That will give me plenty of time to talk to Genji about Sayoko," I thought with certitude.
After I finished grading papers, I left the Watanabe Bldg. and headed for Dr. Ogawa's office. I strolled leisurely down the tree-lined esplanade leading from the center of the N.I.T. campus towards the street. Several students from one of my three classes waved to me as I departed the campus and turned down the bordering street.
I had 20 minutes before my appointment with Dr. Ogawa. The sky was very clear today--cloudless and brilliantly cerulean in the afternoon sun. Several elderly obaasans strolled by me with open umbrellas, shading themselves even at this late point in the day. It was always interesting to note the blending of old and new here in Makuhari.

* * * * * * * *

The familiar butterfly motif painted on the side of Dr. Ogawa's building caught my eye, along with a series of small food shops. I stopped at a juice bar across the street for an orange juice, then ascended the stairway to her office.
Once inside her office, I began to feel safe. Her office was almost a place of seclusion from the internal strife...and the day-by-day events in my life. The familiarity of the surroundings comforted me, offering me sanctuary where I could give voice to my confusion and pain. I had met with Dr. Ogawa enough times to become accustomed to her therapy style. She was very easy-going...easy-going enough to have an economy of magazines in her reception room. Whenever I saw a psychiatrist or therapist with loads of magazines in the waiting room, I knew that I was in the wrong place. Somehow, an invisible correlation occurred: the less magazines...the better the therapist.
A few minutes later, Dr. Ogawa invited me into her counseling room, or "the Chamber" as I nicknamed it. She told me that she had been considering my case closely. Now that she was finished with my social history and presenting problem, she could start on therapy proper.
"Tell me how you're feeling today," she began. "You've been in Japan almost three months...how is it?"
"I was okay in class today. I had to confront a disruptive student. There were several times that the girls..er..women in one of my classes made me nervous. Then, in the afternoon, I felt some stress about the summer break."
"How have you been sleeping?"
"I've had night terrors again. Two nights ago, I dreamed about being confined by some horrible creature. I'm naked and I can't shout or scream for help. Then I'm pinned down and my soul feels like it's being ripped apart."
"That sound's like the night terrors that accompany sexual abuse victims," she observed casually.
"Tell me something that I *don't* know!" I said irritably. She was stating the obvious. We chatted a little more, and then she asked me to talk about the abuse; only this time she would role-play one of my stepparents and I would confront the pain of the abuse.
When she said this, I immediately was commanded by detriment. It scared me to death to have to do this...again. I felt some reluctance towards talking about the sexual abuse to begin with. At first, I blamed myself for it, and justified why both stepparents and my siblings had done it to me. This was after years of denying it. I didn't deny it consciously; it kept itself buried until I was 22. Then, I minimized it. I tried to view it as having minimal impact on my life. But as the years passed, and my fear of women increased, I could no longer minimize it as "something that just isn't important."
Feelings of panic welled up in me and I stood up, ready to bolt out the door. Dr. Ogawa yelled at me with vexation.
"NO! Running *isn't* the answer! Get back in here!" There was something about this 60-year-old therapist that caused me to heed her. She reminded me of my grandma.
I tentatively sat down, and silence reigned. I tried to cultivate my hostility towards the years of repression caused by the abuse. For years: no girlfriends, no intimacy, and very few female friends. This had wrecked a huge portion of my whole adult life. I had missed out entirely on the whole aspect of romantic love. It would always dangle tantalizingly in front of me, but I just couldn't reach it.
I suffered from the embarrassment of having to hide the truth from others--and then having to hide from the pain caused by the truth. "The Sword of Damocles," I noted to myself. The truth was, I was damaged goods. Every time I felt drawn to a woman, I would immediately react with self-disgust...because I knew that my desire was simply an abusive impulse. In my mind, I knew that this was an irrational association. Yet, I could not fight my way past the feelings of self-loathing and fear. For me, I had been dieted by confusion for so long that there was no way my feelings could seem anything else than a repeating of the horrible abuse.
"This kind of thing happens to women, not men!" I thought once more, skeptically considering society's stereotypes about rape victims.
"What would you tell them? If you could tell those who abused you anything you wanted to, what would you say?" Dr. Ogawa probed. I sat quietly amidst my inner struggle. I felt tears come to my eyes and I stuffed them back down. I loved my family, even if they had done this to me. I was scared to death to say anything to hurt them, yet...
"Nothing..." I said flatly.
"*Nothing*?" she said angrily. "You mean you have *nothing* to say in the face of years of abuse? You have nothing to say after being single *nine* years?! I've been listening to you go on about being stressed out simply because there are attractive women in your class! You tell me that you're so scared that you can't even consider ever asked a woman out on a date! I can't believe you have nothing to say! "What do you think, that all of this sexual repression is no big deal?!" Dr. Ogawa argued, pounding against my reservations.
"Shut up! I didn't say the students were attractive!" I protested.
"Of course they are attractive. You're just too afraid to admit to yourself that you notice it," she challenged. I shook a little as she exposed the truth.
"What is so wrong about getting angry at your family for the abuse?"
"Because I *have* gotten angry! For years and years and years..." I half yelled, half sobbed. "All the anger that wells up...isn't going to change a thing! It's not going to take away the fact that through almost all my teen years, I was a drug addict. It can't change the fact that I lived on the streets almost the entire time since I was 12 years old until I got clean. It's not going to take the abuse away and it isn't going to relieve my depression!"
"I don't care any more!" I added, feeling an emptiness inside that wouldn't quit.
"You wouldn't be here if you didn't care," Dr. Ogawa calmly remonstrated. I couldn't argue with *that*.
"So what now?" I asked, surrendering.
"Is there anyone you're attracted to?" she asked.
"No. Even if there was a woman that I felt something towards...I wouldn't tell you. I'm not attracted to any of my students...I mean they are all attractive women, but there is no one special," I said with a shaky voice. "Besides, there's no hope anyway...so why should I fool myself into thinking that there's someone out there for me?"
She looked at me with relief, and was almost happy. I thought that this reaction was curious for a clinician. Then she explained that she was glad I wasn't trying for a student, as that would cross a clearly defined ethical boundary. More of the obvious, I noted with disappointment.
"Is there anyone else?" she asked.
I thought of one possibility, but she was too remote and unattainable. A strong wave of shame overtook me.
"Yes, there may be someone, but.." I managed to say as my voice trailed off. The shame overwhelmed me, and I looked dumbly at the floor.
"Why can't you tell me?" she said, smiling amiably.
"It's too personal...I feel like it's sick for me to feel this way about anyone...it brings up too much pain from the past," I said in a low voice. Dr. Ogawa looked at me for a moment with a thoughtful visage.
"I don't understand why you think it's wrong to feel attraction to someone of the opposite sex."
"It's the damned past! I don't want to be messed up, but the reality is *I am*, and there's nothing anyone can do about it!" I volleyed with emotion.
"Whoa...whoa, slow down, Cevn. Tell me all about the past...everything that happened to you. I have no more appointments today, so if we run over an hour, it's okay by me." Dr. Ogawa said, calming me down. So I spent the next five hours talking about everything that happened to me in my childhood. Hundreds of episodes of sexual abuse. Beatings. Neglect. Being tied in my bed. The instability of alcoholic parents. All of it.
I revealed the secret sources of pain. I exposed the concealed aspects of my being that I was ashamed of. I didn't tell Dr. Ogawa anything new, as I had explored all the incidents with earlier therapists over the years. But it still felt horrible, reliving those oppressions in my past. Several times, my vision narrowed down to a small patch of color on her office carpet. I couldn't raise my head, so strongly was the shame attacking me. Everything was shunned out... I felt like I was in a tunnel, silent except for my own voice...only the words were originating from a distant place.
A screaming heart...detached from my mind.
Dr. Ogawa appeared terribly shocked by what I disclosed. Several times she sat silently, tears running down her aged face. I wanted to leave because I was upsetting her, but she waved me back into my chair. A couple of times I cried until I dry-heaved into her wastebasket. When I came up for air I was dizzy from hyperventilating. Towards the end, I felt exhausted, but I just kept on talking. I felt like a conceited ass for taking up her time.
Finally, the last vestiges of my disheartening admissions spilled themselves out. I felt void, emotionally limp. I felt trapped, that any intercessor would only wound my soul further away, drying my hopes in pith and rind. My eyes were swollen from crying. With great effort, I lifted my head to look at Dr. Ogawa.
She had a very sad, very tired look in her eyes.
"I don't know what to say. Those things were terrible. They shouldn't have happened to you," she said with a resigned tone. She dismissed me with a curt "we'll talk more about it next week."

* * * * * * * *

Cevn tiredly walked home. He felt some relief that he was able to explore his past with an empathetic listener. Yet, he felt a distinct sense of disappointment towards Dr. Ogawa because she had abruptly concluded the session with very little comment.
"At least she could have said something encouraging," he thought.
Skuld was impatiently waiting for Cevn to get home. Tonight was her turn to 'tutor' him on the God's Language portions of the Enigma Book. He was supposed to be home a few hours ago. Skuld had given up after 15 minutes of waiting, and went to her labs to work on improving Banpei's Demon detection circuitry. She became engrossed in working on Banpei. One could say that he was "a work in progress", as Keiichi often commented. Skuld was pleased with all the tinkering and improvements she made to him.
"Actually, he's a work of art...a robotic organism!" Skuld said to herself proudly, looking at the temporarily inert robot as she continued to make microscopic adjustments to some very condensed circuitry.
Belldandy and Keiichi were in the sunroom at the end of the house. Keiichi was poring over diagrams for the ATV. He wanted to try and squeeze out another 5 to 10hp out of the design, but try as he might, he could not justify that much stress to the chassis.
"It's always a tradeoff in engineering," he muttered as he heard the lead on the pencil snap for the third time tonight.
Belldandy sensed Keiichi's frustration and walked out to fetch him some tea. Just then, Cevn came rushing in, running to the sink to get a glass of water. He stopped briefly to say "hi" and inquired about Keiichi's latest project, then he ran down the hall to find Skuld. Belldandy could see guilt written all over his face.
"I haven't seen Urd all day today. I wonder what's up with her?" Belldandy pondered as she poured a little honey into Keiichi's tea. Keiichi was many things, but he didn't possess a sweet tooth. "Such a sweet guy...yet he rarely eats anything sweet. I'm going to have to work on him with that," she said to herself with a grin as she tipped a little more honey into Keiichi's tea.
Skuld heard knocking and slid the door open. When she saw it was Cevn, she gave him a gruff expression.
"You're three or four hours late, you dweeb! How can you expect us to get any work done if you're late like this?" she said dourly.
"My apologies, Skuld-sensei," Cevn said penitently. "I figured you would be upset, so I got these to make it up to you." He held out a very full bag of wagashi treats and a smaller bag with a pint of ice cream. Skuld's eyes widened at the ice cream and cookies.
"Don't eat them all at once, Skuld-sama!" Cevn teased.
"Hmmm, I guess I'll let you off the hook. But only once! Even though you bribed me..." Skuld said. Cevn half-bowed to her.
"*Once*, you mortal idiot! You do this again and all of the ice cream on this planet won't stop me from programming Banpei with a 'anti-Cevn' detect and defense," she decreed.
Cevn cringed somewhat at this veiled threat. He was unaccustomed to Skuld's threats...were they serious or playful? Skuld motioned him to go into his bedroom with a pointed finger. He felt a wave of panic as Skuld was female, even if she was just a girl. The afternoon session had been really heavy. He shakily sat down on his futon and waved Skuld to the other end, then placed the Enigma Book between them.
"Skuld, how have you been? I noticed that you seem to be dealing with the suspension thing a little better this week," he asked.
Skuld still felt unpleasant about this subject. Her face fell just for an instant, and then she recovered and smiled at Cevn.
"I still think it *totally* sucks, but I'm doing better. I've been working on Banpei a lot."
"Skuld, I was late because I am also dealing with some things that happened to me that I didn't deserve. But no matter what, I've found that I need to strive in the face of adversity. I just wanted to let you know that you can do it too. Keep it up!" he encouraged.
"You're really full of it tonight, aren't you!" Skuld said as she munched on a snack.

* * * * * * * *

Keiichi was feeling tired. He had been looking at the engine mount, trying to calculate a stress-bearing angle that would prevent using any more reinforcing joints.
"This joint is *already* too heavy!" he exclaimed as he slammed the pencil down, creating a snapping sound. It was time to give it a rest.
Belldandy leaned over him and rested her head on his shoulder. She knew in an instant what corrections would be needed, but as Urd had told her before, "he needs to learn on his own". It was always so tempting to assist him, especially when she saw that he was wracking his brains with effort. But restraint usually emerged over enabling, and she contented herself with the confidence that Keiichi would most likely solve this problem tomorrow.
Keiichi stretched his limbs out and yawned. Another long day. "I can't wait until summer vacation is here. Then Bell and I can take a trip somewhere *special*," he mentally noted. He had been thinking about traveling somewhere in western Honshu or Kyushu. He wanted to take her to a totally different part of Japan. To go on a *real* trip.
"Bell-chan, if you and I were in Yggdrasil, where would you take me if you wanted to show me something new?" he asked.
Belldandy giggled at the novelty of his idea. Keiichi had rarely asked for specific information about Yggdrasil before. She couldn't explain to him in mortal terms about the sights and sounds of her homerealm, but she decided to give him visual ideas using human perception sets. She patted her lap and Keiichi leaned back, resting his head there. She gently massaged his temples as she began her description.
"There are two spots I can think of, Keiichi. One spot is what we call the Floating Crystalline Lake. If you could, Keiichi, try to imagine in your mind a glass-like surface with lighted grids on it, stretching off as far into the horizon as you could see. If you look closer, you can see that it isn't flat; it has rises and falls just like on this Earth. Then picture metallic stalagmite-shaped buildings gracefully floating a short distance above it, each of them arising several kilometers. Above, the sky radiates from green to purple with pink and orange foamy clouds. Hanging down from these clouds are stalactite-like buildings, many kilometers long," she narrated soothingly.
Keiichi closed his eyes and tried to visualize what Belldandy was describing. She smiled and went on in a gentle voice.
"Suspended between the buildings above and below, there is a lake. It floats in the middle of the sky...and inside of it, light filters through just like a crystal. It looks like a big floating waterdrop. Hmm...it resembles the floating water in one of your outer space movies," she tried to cast an image as she fondly remembered going on vacation there many times.
"Keiichi, there are millions of lights in those buildings; they're especially beautiful when they glow as the sky turns dark violet! What we do is 'dive' up and down between the buildings. From below, we jump up weightlessly through the crystal water until we reach the tops of the buildings suspended above," Belldandy said, feeling memories tug at her.
"Someday, I'll show you it, my love!"
Keiichi was almost lulled into a dream-like state with the combination of Belldandy's descriptions and her sweet sonorous voice. He felt a little sad that Earth had nothing to compare to just this one feature of Yggdrasil.
"You'll have to tell me about the second site later, Bell. I'm almost falling asleep in your lap."
"Keiichi, if you wish to fall asleep here, you can," she assured him. Tracing lines around his eyes with her fingertips, she hummed a song that lifted him into his dreams.

* * * * * * * *

Cevn looked at Skuld with a mystified look.
"What does this mean?" he asked in frustration. Skuld shook her head; she didn't know either. Urd would have to try and figure this one out.
The Enigma Book had thrown him another curve. He had noticed during the past few days that he was going through something that developmental psychologists called a preoperational stage. Somehow, he had been 'wired' with an ability to learn hundreds of words of the God's Language and the Demon's Language. Yet, when it came to conceptualizing how the two languages integrated, his intuition conserved itself. Just like a child who is given two wadded rolls of clay...then the therapist takes one roll and winds it out into a cord...then the child insists that the wadded clay is bigger, despite observing that both clay rolls at the beginning were the same size. Conserving, rather than identifying. Unable to deconstruct the process. Unable to serialize the sequences. Unable to transitively conceptualize the components.
"I feel like a child, Skuld! I am just *not* getting this!" he said desperately. Skuld was stroking Winston, the latest kitten Cevn had adopted.
"What do you think is causing your lack of concentration?" she asked with a smile. I closed my eyes...all I could picture was Mara.
"Mara! I sense that she's up to something again!" Cevn said.
Skuld saw that her mortal friend was getting upset with his inability to comprehend the God's Language entry in the Enigma Book. She munched on some arare, then offered him the bag.
"You need to take a break!" she said with conviction.
"By the way, *how* do you know Mara's up to something?" Skuld asked, curious about how he seemed to precognize their Demoness counterpart.
"I envisioned some kind of red energy field in my mind...and I just surmised that it is her. Her presence...or mayhaps an 'echo' of some place she has been. From what I sense, she's been near our house a number of times in the past few days. But she hasn't been inside."
"I improved Banpei's Demonic detect and defense systems. They are three times as sensitive to Demons as they were before," Skuld said confidently.
"Skuld, how can you possess empirical certitude that your modifications are more efficient if you have *no Demons* to test them on?" Cevn asked.
Skuld got angry and hurt all at once by his observation. She didn't figure that she would have to actually test Banpei on a Demon. He had detected Mara several times in the past. In fact, how could she find a Demon willing to be a subject to calibrate Banpei's systems? This was ridiculous!
All the disappointments in the past week... of her recent license suspension, the gnawing boredom of not having any new powers to explore, the loneliness she had been feeling...all of it boiled forth.
"THAT'S NOT FAIR!" she screamed angrily, belligerent tears welling up in her eyes. Cevn was taken aback by her strong reaction as she stood up abruptly and stormed out of the room.
"Man, did I screw that up!" he thought guiltily to himself.
Skuld slapped the shoji door open to her "Skuld Labs" room, then slammed the door shut behind her. A storm of moody emotions seemed to float in the midst of her mecha lab.
"*Everyone's* expecting so much from me! They just won't relent! And I just lost my powers! Doesn't anybody understand me!!!" she shouted to the walls of mecha components and computers. She leaned against a shelf of half-assembled components and fought back bitter tears.
"Now I'm supposed to improve Banpei's sensors, but it isn't good enough unless they've been tested on a real Demon! *Nothing* is fair anymore! Nobody cares about how *I* feel!" she thought with a yin-yang of resentment and sadness.
In her futon bed, Belldandy woke up; sensing a strong psychic disturbance in her younger sibling. She walked up to her sister's "Skuld Labs" room and slid the door open partway.
"What's the matter, Skuld-sama?" she asked. Skuld looked at her, her lips quivering with anger and hurt.
"Everyone expects so much from me!" she shouted with a burst of pent-up frustration. Belldandy smiled compassionately at Skuld.
"It's not that everyone expects so much from you, Skuld. I think you take yourself too seriously...you expect much more out of yourself than anybody else does. We all love you just as you are, not just because you're so helpful," Belldandy stated in her patently soothing voice.
Skuld cocked her head to one side and combed her hand through her long silken black hair. She respected Belldandy's advice and observations, but yet this new information didn't appeal to her at all.
"Huh? You really think so, Elder Sister?" she asked, admixing doubt and deference.
"Yes, my dear Skuld," she answered. Belldandy walked over and sat down next to her younger sister, then draped a comforting arm over her shoulders and rubbed her back.
"Skuld, I sense that you're even harder on yourself, now that your powers are gone. You really want to prove yourself...so you take any criticism very temperamentally," Belldandy observed. She wanted to reprove Skuld as gently as possible.

* * * * * * * *

About an hour later, Cevn heard a soft knocking on his door. He got up and slid it open, to see Skuld standing in front of him, her head bowed down and her arms crossed over her waist. She stepped forward unexpectedly and almost collided with him, silently resting her forehead against his chest.
"She needs a hug," he guessed after his initial surprise. He pulled Skuld close to him and gave her a long hug as she sobbed into his chest.
"It's been so..snff..hard without my..snff..Goddess Powers!" was all Skuld could manage. Everyone else was asleep and she was too upset to be by herself. Belldandy's words had comforted her and yet confused her as well. She knew that Cevn wasn't being mean to her; he was just pointing out the obvious. She felt so helpless without her powers...it was so unfair.
"Nobody knows how I feel!" her mind repeated, even after Belldandy had talked to her. She wanted someone to comfort her, and Cevn was the only other person awake after Belldandy went back to bed.
"Skuld, I'm glad you're not mad at me. I cannot fully understand what you are going through, but I hope you know that you have my complete support and as much empathy as I can muster!" Cevn said in a level voice.
"I can imagine how hard it must be. To have something new in your life like your powers...taken away before you even figured them out," he added.
Skuld looked up at him with a hopeful expression in her eyes. She felt like he did understand a little bit about what she was going through. She knew that Belldandy *fully* understood her...and this fact was almost frightening.
Cevn patted her on the head, and told her to get some sleep. Skuld motioned for him to lean down and she gave him a quick peck on his cheek then she went back to her room.

* * * * * * * *

"Special Delivery!" shouted the courier as he wheeled in a six-foot high box. Urd looked at him like he was crazy. Belldandy had a look of abject curiosity on her face.
The man pulled out a kerchief and wiped the sweat off of his face, then proffered a pad with a form on top.
"Sign here!" he demanded politely.
"Oh goody!" Urd said with delight. Before anyone could object, she stepped forward and signed the receipt. The delivery man had a look of pure adoration on his face as she smiled at him. He tipped his hat to Belldandy and Urd, then reluctantly returned to his minivan.
As the sound of the minivan's motor faded in the distance, Belldandy fixed a condemning look on Urd.
"Urd! You just signed for this, without asking what it was, or who it was from!"
"Yep, and since it had our address and Keiichi's name, that was good enough for me! Guess your little sweetheart has something up his sleeve *you* don't know about, sis!" she teased. Her delight increased as she saw the brief flash of poutish annoyance on her younger sis's face.
Belldandy circled around the anomalous box. It was roughly the size of a refrigerator, if one would position its back on the ground. Her curiosity had been piqued by the fact that Urd mentioned that this huge box was addressed to Keiichi. She was disappointed that Urd's impatience had cost her the opportunity to find out the address of origin. The tracking tag on the box was smeared; the sender's address was illegible.
"*Cool*! I can't wait to see what's inside! I bet it's one of those new UDTVs!" Urd said excitedly.
"A what?"
"Ultra Definition TV. Ten times the accuracy of a high-def TV, 254 base colors matrices instead of three colors, computer enhanced stereo holography circuitry..." Urd rattled off, her voice droning on like an appliance salesperson. Belldandy looked at her sister with a smirk and thought "Payback time!"
"Uh...Urd, dear sister. It was addressed to *Keiichi*, right?"
"Yes! So?" Urd said excitedly as she returned with a pair of scissors to cut the cardboard.
"Well, that means *he* has to open it, since it came for him, doesn't it?" Belldandy giggled inwardly as Urd's excited expression drained from her face by degrees. She knew that one of Urd's pet peeves was being forced to wait for something. Urd's face transformed into a pout.
"Neh...gotchya!" Belldandy thought as she smiled to herself.
"Awww, why can't I just take a peek?" Urd pleaded. Belldandy crossed her arms and shook her head, firm in her resolve. Urd slumped slightly and skulked back to the kitchen with the scissors, mumbling "but he won't be home for another *six hours*!" with exasperation. She came back into the living room with a laggard face and Belldandy tapped her on the shoulder.
"Keiichi will be back from school around 5ish...just another seven hours or so, Urd. We can find out *then* what this is," Belldandy said, savoring Urd's look of disappointment at the "seven hours" comment.
Urd looked at her younger sister with a irritated face that said, "geez, thanks for reminding me, Bell!"

* * * * * * * *

Keiichi looked at his watch as he rounded the corner onto the street that their temple compound was on. 5pm. Lately, he had been keener on arriving home as soon as possible from school. He had volunteered for extra hours on the ATV the past few days, so Tamiya had let him off early today. He saw the torii that marked the entrance to home and turned left into the compound. His eyes drifted to the house to see Belldandy standing on the wooden porch waiting for him. She wore a white sleeveless blouse and khaki colored shorts.
"It's really been hot the past few days," Keiichi observed to himself as he parked his bike in the vehicle garage. She dashed up to him and he caught her in his arms and kissed her.
"She sure seems excited about something," he noticed. Bell-chan had just a little bit more pep than usual, something only her boyfriend could notice.
"Keiichi, your package arrived!" she said excitedly.
"Wha...wh..what? A package? For *me*?" he said with a mixture of tentativeness and bedazzlement. Belldandy noticed that he didn't seem to know about the package; her excitement transformed itself into deep curiosity.
"This is indeed a mystery, Keiichi doesn't even know about it!" she reflected.
"Yeah, why don't you two lovebirds come in here so I..er..he can open this thing. I'm dying to find out what's inside!" Urd yelled from the porch.
"C'mon Keiichi! Hurry up in here!"
Keiichi and Belldandy joined hands and strolled down the stone-lined gravel walkway from the garage to the house. Upon entering, Keiichi was wide-eyed at the huge box standing in the corner of the living room. Urd pressed a pair of scissors in his hand and swatted him on the backside.
"There it is...get to work!" she directed. Belldandy scowled at her.
"Urd's more excited about this than I am," Keiichi thought as she pushed him towards the box. He took the scissors and cut down one corner of the box, then peeled back the cardboard. A brightly painted racing design emerged into view. It dominated one side of the object in the box. He tore the cardboard sideways.
"Wah! Need For Speed VIII!!!" Urd shouted. Keiichi stood back and looked. It was an computer arcade game! He became more excited as he pulled cardboard and packing foam from the game. After a few minutes, a pile of folded cardboard was stacked on the porch and the game was revealed in its glory.
"Hmmmm. Is this something my sempai sent me to improve my timing?" he thought as he examined the 'gift'. His racing blood fueled through his head as he remembered playing the first five versions of "Need for Speed" as a kid. He broke out in a wide grin.
"This is *totally rad*! I didn't know that they had an *eighth* Need For Speed out yet!" Years ago, Keiichi had relinquished video games in favor of more productive activities...but the old desire to play returned to him in a flash.
"Well, go on and plug it in so I can play," said Urd as strode up holding a plug. Keiichi plugged it into the outlet and the game console came to life. Bright lights flashed from the interior of the casing, creating patterns that resembled an aircraft runway. Urd started to stand in front of the machine when Belldandy reminded her, "It's Keiichi's. He should be the first to try it."
Keiichi stood in front of the arcade game, then climbed into the cockpit while Belldandy and Urd looked over each shoulder. The screen said to press a sequence of buttons. Keiichi complied, and then a startup screen gave him a selection of cars and courses. He picked the Monte Carlo course and the next screen showed him at the starting line. The graphics were the most realistic that he had seen on any racing simulation game, incorporating the new flatscreen stereo holography circuitry. There was a breathtaking amount of detail. He pressed start and was off. After 10 minutes, he finished the race in 4th place.
"Damn!!! The difficulty setting on this game is phenomenal! I ended up *4th*! Can you believe it!" he said discontentedly, slapping the steering wheel. He fought down a strong impulse to play another race and went to the kitchen with Belldandy.
"Wow! Look out! Ahhhh! Oh no!" they overheard Urd shouting in high-pitched squeals as they reviewed the grocery list for the next week.
Belldandy always ordered groceries according to menu for each week's meal preparation, while the others used a signup sheet for 'extras'. Keiichi looked over Megumi's order: tempura snacks, sliced bonito, sweet arare and several types of instant udon mix. Below her order was Skuld's list: Chocolate mint ice cream, sweet monaka cookies, pineapple sherbet, and ucha soymilk. Urd's was unusual in that she only requested three bottles of sake instead of the 14 she drank each week, plus the requisite TV program magazine. Cevn's was lasagna mix, instant udon, ramen mixes and soy protein powder.
"Hmm, so the next American meal we'll have is lasagna," Keiichi thought. Cevn had taken it upon himself to cook a Western meal for the house every week or two.
Keiichi and Belldandy said "bye" to Urd, who was totally wrapped up in the video arcade game. Keiichi helped his divine sweetheart into the sidecar, then revved his bike up and took off. In the grocery store, they talked about the source of the mysterious gift. One-by-one, they ruled out Megumi, Urd and Skuld, Cevn, Tomohisa and Sora. The most probably candidates were Tamiya and Ootaki.
"But how could those guys afford a *new* arcade game? And why send it to me? Unless..." Keiichi wondered. Unless...they were going to turn his living room into an video arcade for the club!
"Notta chance!" he said out loud.
"Is this the wrong kind of milk?" Belldandy asked him, confused by his outburst.
"Uh...my mistake, Bell-chan!" he apologized. He decided to make it a point to ask them tomorrow about it. After stashing the groceries in the cloth bags they brought for the occasion, they returned home.
Urd was *still* playing the game! Keiichi asked her to relinquish it and let him have a turn...then he almost had to extricate her physically by pulling on her arm. He chose another race from the menu and once again finished 4th. This was frustrating for him, as he was used to winning races in real life.
"Dammit! This game keeps beating me! Well, at least it's a challenge!" he observed to himself as his chagrin fueled the competitive part of his nature.
Shortly after, Megumi returned home from studying late in the library and a few minutes after her arrival, Cevn got home. Everyone was in the living room marveling at the machine. Skuld emerged from her "Skuld Labs" room and was giddy with excitement when she saw the arcade game. Of course, her excitement derived from the prospect of being able to dismantle the electronic workings of the game.
"Can I take it apart? Please?" she said with beseeching eyes.
"No *way*, you brat! It's for all of us to enjoy! Besides, you'd probably take it apart and forget how to put it back together again. Then we'd all be screwed!" Urd inveighed against her.
This set off a shouting match between the two sister, which scattered everyone to separate corners of the house. Belldandy rolled her eyes and went to the kitchen, Keiichi went to his study shaking his head, Cevn went to his music room, and Megumi waved them off as she went to her bedroom.
The arguing ended about 20 minutes later. Neither participant had noticed that everyone else in the house had drifted away from them.
"Is it safe to come out?" Keiichi yelled to Belldandy from his study doorway. Urd and Skuld both blushed when he said this. He emerged from his "Keiichi's Shop" room, and put an arm around each.
"Things would just be too boring around here if it weren't for you two!" he teased. He heard an audible growling from Skuld, while Urd turned red in the face momentarily.
"I'll get you back for that, Keiichi!" Urd shouted.

* * * * * * * *

It was a breathtaking Saturday summer afternoon. I seated myself by the sand garden I was working on during the weekends. When I initially proposed my project, it attracted some curious looks from Urd and Skuld, while Keiichi and Megumi reacted with bemusement. I knew that Belldandy had started a vegetable and fruit garden several years ago behind the temple house...so I planned to locate my meditation garden near hers. I had intended to model it after the famous Ryoan-ji Zen sand garden in Kyoto; the epitome of Japanese meditation gardens.
But I knew that this arrangement of rocks was a fair representation of a Hojo-style dry garden. As I was demonstrably serious about it, I designed the garden with Keiichi's help. Keiichi was much more adept at plotting and drawing plans, so I asked him to draft a blueprint for the project. I elicited ideas from several members of the household, to make this a community project. Eventually everybody made some suggestions to the design. I settled on the scheme of a circular outer garden enclosing the square sand garden. The circular outer garden was about thirty feet in diameter, consisting of grass with several short bonsai trees surrounded by short shrubs. I anonymously hired some students from the Gardening Club at N.I.T. to install a small koi pond and several ishi-doro stone lanterns. The pond was supplied by waters flowing from a rocky fountain via a stream-like sluice that coursed underneath a stone bridge on the footpath. The footpath was a short walkway about eight or nine feet long with an irregular mixture of large rocks and smooth pebbles, curbed with darker brick-like rocks. This footpath led to the interior inner sand garden. I had taken the square design of Ryoan-ji and placed it within a larger circle, giving it a backdrop of short decorative shrubs. The pebbled walkway extended beyond the garden in an imitation of a teahouse entryway. Right before the sand garden, a large slabstone was set in, for seated meditation or reflection. I could only see six of the seven rocks from any point on the circle when I sat at ground level.
"*That* took a whole afternoon to get the placement right, not to mention some calculating by Skuld," I remembered. Keiichi and Megumi both teased me about my imitative inclinations.
I reflected on tonight's expedition into Tokyo for the Noh play. I had only traveled to Tokyo once during my time here in Japan. I was looking forward to seeing the bright lights of the city, which resembled that old film, "Blade Runner". There was something mystic about city lights that transfixed my spirit; they seemed to resonate with my conscious appreciation of Soul. I had always been captivated by large cities, eagerly awaiting any opportunity to view them at night. The patterns of lights combined to create something more alive, more whole, than just the combination of colors. The city was more than alive, it *existed*. Perhaps it had Soul too.
We planned to ride the train from Chiba, going past the Akibahara district with its huge array of store and building lights. I was looking forward to the train ride as much as the Noh play.
I negotiated with Megumi to take my bath after her, so that she would have first stab at the freshly-drawn bath water. It was fortunate for us that three of our housemates didn't need to take baths regularly. Six young adults and one bathroom would create quite a tapestry of schedule conflicts. My guesswork informed me that the Goddesses usually took baths out of a need for comfort or retreat; but I really had no idea of this was true or not.
I really hoped that this little adventure would yield two results: an in-depth report on Sayoko from her brother and more importantly, a chance for Megumi to charm Genji...and maybe hook up with him. I concentrated on how to juggle the two aims when Megumi shouted, "Bath's free!"
I washed myself in the shower, rinsed with the wooden bucket, then soaked in the hot bathtub water. I was so glad that they had an actual shower in the furoba alongside the more traditional stool with a bucket and ladle. I had become more comfortable with being in the bathroom; my fears of being spied on by Urd or accidentally intruded upon by any of the others had diminished greatly. Actually, on an afternoon like this, I would have loved to spend an hour soaking in the bath, if my body could handle the heat.
I went back to my room and contemplated what to wear on a night out to a Noh theatre.
"No, not a Noh theatre, the *National* Noh Theatre!" I reminded myself. I decided on a white denim jacket with a light blue shirt, a navy blue knitted tam hat and stone-washed jeans with new Nikes. I was mentally geared up for our excursion.
I waited in the living room. One more, Urd was playing the arcade game. She was obviously a video junkie...addicted to gaming. I wondered on a mirthful wing of thought if she had a 'boss key' on her sysop console or monitor back in Yggdrasil.
The game offered one of those mockups that you sat down in; this increased the simulation of high-speed racing. I could hear her cursing the machine when she lost a race. Keiichi and Belldandy were out for the day, and Skuld was quietly reading the paper in the kitchen.
"Ah, now I remember, Keiichi and Belldandy are at N.I.T. prepping the ATV for next weekend's race," I noted to myself.
"How do I look?" I heard an excited female voice inquire.
I looked up and saw Megumi standing in the hallway with a happy grin on her face. She had on a beautiful white silk open-collared blouse with long sleeves ending in lace cuffs. She wore a light amaranth pink vest inlaid with red embroidery over her blouse, and an azure blue neckpiece around the collar. Her skirt tastefully bridged the formal and casual styles with a long lightly colored mid-thigh slit skirt with orange, red and yellow floral designs against an indigo background. She held a pair of black boots in her hands, freshly polished. I walked over to her side and then back in front of her, trying hard not to be captured by her beauty.
"Except for that slit in your dress, which at least isn't up to the waist like Urd wears, you look like you're dressed for a job interview," I teased. Megumi's face fell into a pout.
"Actually, I was just kidding. You look wonderful, Megumi! Genji would be a fool not to 'hire' you!" I quickly added. She smiled broadly at the complement. I *had* come a long way in the past few months to be able to tease her like I just did.
"I've never seen you so dressed up before...I hope you don't roast in this heat with a long sleeved blouse and dress," I added.
She looked me over and formed a moue with her mouth.
"You need a blazer, not a denim jacket," she observed curtly. She took the jacket off of the chair and went to my room, then returned with a pastel blue blazer.
"Here, try this on!" she encouraged. I put on the jacket while Megumi walked a slow circle around me. I could smell the subtle fragrance of her perfume. She reached up and adjusted my collar.
"That's much better. Hmmm, you are a really good-looking guy. If my heart wasn't set on Genji, you'd have to watch out!" she teased. I felt a flash of panic at her insinuation, but swallowed down my fear and smiled at her.
I noticed that I was much more comfortable with Megumi than before. She *was* a beautiful young woman. Beautiful women intimidated the hell out of me. At least in that regard, I was like the ilk of men. But since we had become friends and had a teacher-student relationship, I was somewhat more relaxed around her.
"I didn't even try to pull away when she adjusted my collar," I praised myself. At least with Megumi, I was able to let down my guard a little.
Genji came by a little later to pick us up. I noticed that he did a double take when Megumi emerged from the house. I smiled at his nervous reaction. He was doing the typical 'guy thing'. She probably doesn't notice to the degree a fellow male could...that he really likes her, but is fighting with himself to prevent himself being too transparent with desire.
We drove all the way in to Chiba with Megumi and Genji animatedly discussing the upcoming race. I was engrossed in looking out the window at the scenery. Then they discussed the recent solar racer victory, cued on by sights that marked the racecourse. They seemed to become more relaxed, as Genji appeared to be letting his guard down. Megumi, of course, was already comfortable in his car.
I asked him several questions about his school life and the N.I.T. Motor Club. It was obvious that he was a serious student. Even though he was driving a brand-new Lexus, he didn't act the part of the spoiled rich kid. He was personable and introspective to a fault. It was difficult for him to talk about himself.
"I wonder why?" I thought while considering Sayoko and her negative impact on Genji.
Genji parked his car near the Chiba station. The station was bustling with late afternoon travelers as we walked towards the JR booth to get our tickets.
"It's the yellow train, dude!" Genji reminded me several times.
I must have looked like a confused foreign tourist to him. Actually, I was spellbound...trying to take in as much of the sights as I could. We got on the next westbound Sobu Line. I was amazed at how clean the train was, even if it was an older coach.
Megumi explained that we were on the futsu train, which was the slowest because it stopped at every station. Convenient that she chose the slower train...it would give her more time to sit next to Genji and chat, and I could view Tokyo at my ease, rather than rush through the city in a blur. Genji and Megumi sat next to each other facing me, but I hardly noticed them as I was fully entranced by the passing cityscape. As we approached Tokyo, the train started to fill up with passengers. Akibahara Station was packed with commuters, but the interior looked like it belonged in Amsterdam rather than Japan. When we got to Ochanomizu, the train changed from Sobu to Chuo line and we traveled towards Yoyogi. All the time, I was staring out the window, watching the changing cityscape pass me by as I heard snippets of conversation. Megumi would occasionally interject descriptions as we passed areas of interest. We entered a tunnel right before Yoyogi that was cut right into a hillock covered with residential developments. Finally we reached Yoyogi station. By this time the train was packed and we had to shove our way through the crowd to disembark.
Yoyogi was fairly busy with crowds of shoppers. I assumed that they were buying in preparation for summer break, as the end of the term was just a week away. We hailed a cab and traveled into Sendagaya. Genji pointed out a restaurant and we pulled over. The restaurant was recessed into a short alley and possessed an old-fashioned ambiance. We were led into a small side room and the kimono-attired waitress slid the door shut on us. A moment later she proffered sake to us, but I of course abstained while Megumi served Genji a glass.
"That's pretty forward of her!" I observed to myself as I recalled the old-fashioned custom that a woman doesn't serve a man unless they are married or romantically involved. Genji hesitated a moment, then acknowledged her effort with a quick nod.
Dinner was a fabulous selection of fishes, fruit and vegetables. I asked for some chicken and tofu, as I'm not a big fan of fish. After we finished, Genji insisted on paying the bill. I declined once, but when he offered again, I thanked him. He thanked me for footing the bill for the Noh theatre and everything else tonight. I looked at Megumi and saw that she was off in daydreamland.
"Megumi, don't forget why we're here!" I interrupted her, brushing her arm with my elbow. She looked startled for a moment, then grabbed her handbag and we left.
It was getting to be twilight as we approached the imposing structure of the National Noh Theatre. I noticed a queue of haute civisme mingling in front of the entrance. We walked in and were seated in our booth. I caught a few stares because of my long hair and the fact that I was a gaijin. We actually had good seats; we were seated in the third row of the waki-shomen section.
"This must be the result of that mysterious 'luck' that I seem to have," I remarked to myself.
"This...these seats are incredible!" Genji exclaimed with sincere joy. Indeed, they were much better than I ever could have imagined. The people whose cancellation gave us these seats must have been Sony execs, because these were prime real estate as far as Noh theatre reserved seats go. We sat down, and were served tea by the attendant.
Genji gave me a rundown of the Noh stage directions. I pretended ignorance of all things Noh, so that he would feel confident of the utility of his knowledge. If I told him that I possessed a fundamental knowledge of Noh, it would take the fun out of things. Besides, I enjoyed the enthusiasm of his explanation. Several other patrons enjoyed it as well, politely chiming in with little bits of information for me. Obviously, the novelty of a gaijin at a Noh performance wasn't lost on them.
There was a clapping of wooden blocks, which indicated that the performance would begin momentarily. The lights dimmed and the musicians filtered on to the stage. A painted lone pine tree flavored the backdrop. The actors produced themselves from the green room and began to dance the senzai.
"They're going to perform an okina!" I thought excitedly. This was indeed a rare treat! Genji swallowed audibly in surprise at the unexpected ritual performance. The shite danced the senzai, then the okina and finally the sambaso. The okina dance is unique in Noh: it is the only performance where a shite puts on his mask while upon the stage. The elderly shite's entrance was marked by a respectful sigh from the audience. He was dressed in blue robes embroidered with a white stork, symbolizing longevity. He reached into a gold-lacquered box and reverently withdrew an ornate, yet simple mask carved with the visage of a wizened old man. He gingerly placed it on his face and then danced the demanding senzai, then removed the mask and solemnly saluted it before respectfully returning the mask to its container. I felt the centuries fall away like scales from my eyes; the sense of holiness pervaded the theatre during this longevity ritual. Just like Hula, Noh transported me across time and space into the Sacred Art.
The first play was from the third category, known as "women plays". It was the Matsukage, renowned as one of Zeami's masterpieces; often considered by theater critics to be the most beautiful play in the Noh repertoire. I was aware of the ironic setting of this play. Ironic because it paralleled Megumi and Genji's circumstances. Matzukage derives from an episode in the Genji Monogatari where Genji falls in love with a provincial woman and eventually leaves her. As a result of his departure, she remains sad at his departure and pines after him.
"Hence the name, 'Pining Wind,'" I whispered aloud. Genji's sharp glance indicated that he must have overheard my susurration. The setting of this play was in middle Heian period, since it featured Yukihira; the link being the locale of Suma where the historical figure and the literary figure both spent some time. Several times I felt tears of empathy on my eyes for the plight of the two sisters of the pining tree.
There was a brief break between the first play and the kyogen...the comic interludes. Quiet, yet animated conversation sprung up all around us.
"This play reminds me of a friend I knew back in Hawaii who met a girl that he *knew* was right for him. He told me that he really liked her a lot, but he also was caught up with his drug-using friends. In the end, he chose drugs over her and she ended up moving to the US mainland a year later," I related to Genji and Megumi. Genji looked at me with an ashen immobility; clueing me that I had hit the issue right on the nose. Megumi excused herself for a quick WC run, and I asked Genji if he could relate to the play.
"It must feel strange having a play based on your namesake. What did you think about the play, Genji?"
"I...I felt pity for the two women, Pining Wind and Autumn Rain."
"Pity? I felt that the women are sympathetic characters too, but I admire their fidelity to their memories of the past, don't you?"
"Yeah. I would *love* to have someone like that in my life."
"Would you leave her, like Yukihira left 'Wind' and 'Rain'?"
"No! That would be idiocy! Didn't you feel the strength of their love, even though it was of the past? A bittersweet feeling, but a strong one nevertheless!" he answered with conviction
"Hmmm, what I'm really wondering is this: how can you leave someone when you *cannot get close to her* in the first place?" Just then Megumi came walking down the theatre row bearing a tray of ice water. Genji gave her a "thanks for letting me off the hook" glance.
"Hi Genji, hi Cevn-sensei! I brought something to drink."
"Thanks Megumi!" we both replied. I looked at Genji, then glanced at Megumi then returned my attention to him while nodding my head. His eyes got wide and for a moment, I could sense his fear.
I continued with my allusory commentary.
"Megumi, we were talking about the Noh play. What's strange is that Yukihira was oppressed by factors beyond his control, which really makes his leaving the women he loved so much...something that wasn't his fault. Fortunately, we in modern times can sometimes overcome such circumstances...if we ask for help."
"What are you two talking about?" Megumi said, confused by what she had missed in our discussion.
I caught her up on the topic of our conversation. Then I whispered in Megumi's ear how I employed double-entendre to make a point to Genji about how he should try and get together with her. She smiled gratefully at me and squeezed my hand. "Not me! Him!!!" I whispered in her ear teasingly, jerking my hand away as if it had been scorched.
"Forget about me," I whispered. She nodded her head.
The two Kyogen were the 12th-century "Perfect Servants" and the 19th-century "Misplaced Goddess". The Kyogen actors were very animated, and the whole effect was one of comic pantomime. The crowd was giddy with laughter. My expectation before arriving was that the Noh theatre would be filled with a stuffy, critical audience. But the Kyogen performed the very necessary service of lightening the playbill...and the audience's tension. After another short break, the second play began.
I was already aware that the shite was retiring at the end of this two-month Noh billing. He was the modern flower of the Komparu School of Noh. I read in the program that many theatrical critics considered him to be the most accomplished shite of his generation. Others went as far as to say that he was the best Noh performer since the Danjuro in the late 18th century. I was mindboggled when I considered that he had been acting since *before* W.W.II.
Almost seventy years, the announcer had emphasized.
The second play, Seki-dera no Komachi, was considered extremely difficult to perform. The character portrayed by the shite was the poet Komachi in her advanced years. With the main character being a crone, the actor had to invest her with full dramatic presence while hardly moving at all. I knew that some commentators had said that the play was based on the moral implication that Komachi's promiscuity in her youth was 'punished' by a rapid decline into ugliness and long years of wandering as a beggar. The shite performed his part with consummate dramatic ardor. Again, I was moved to another era by the strength of the Noh drama. Surprisingly, I was able to clearly understand the antique Nihongo. All too soon, the second act was concluding with Komachi sitting in her hut, then arising out of the hut and stopping, the sole fixture on the stage.
The music mellowed to silence and the theatre erupted with applause. I had cried through most of the second act at the shite's tragic portrayal of an aged woman who wished to relive her youth. Genji had brought three bouquets of roses, which we threw on the stage. The stage was piling up with bouquets. Several attendants placed large celebratory wreaths donated by corporate sponsors. The shite retired to the green room, then returned without his mask and makeup. The applause must have lasted at least 20 minutes. I had presumed that the Noh patrons would demonstrate the typical Japanese reserve, but I was surprised by the vehemence of the congratulatory air. Then I heard the announcer state that this was his farewell performance!
"WHAT!?" I thought with shock. Then I realized that I had initially made reservations 5 weeks ago...due to the delay caused by Mara's malevolence, *this* was the 8th weekend! I had been thinking this was the 4th weekend of the 8 week's bill. Genji was overwrought with emotion, crying like a baby. Megumi was rubbing him up and down the back with her hand while he applauded madly. As the applause died down, I saw her reach out and grasp his hand. I smiled inside, as it seemed that my 'mission' to get Megumi together with him was working. Megumi had utilized the high spirits of the moment to her advantage and Genji held onto her hand until we left the National Noh Theatre.
"This strange atmosphere of luck must be working again in my life," I thought. We had witnessed the last performance of a Noh living legend!
Outside, the crowd was slow in dispersing. Genji and Megumi were talking quietly when I came back from the men's room. I made a suggestion, "Why don't we go somewhere and have some coffee. I always wondered what a Tokyo coffee shop would be like. You know any good hangouts here?"
Megumi suggested that we go to the Surugadai district in Kanda. I wanted to see the high rise Shinjuku district, so we caught the loop train that went past Sunshine city and Kan-eiji Temple to Akibahara and then south to Kanda. The ultramodern buildings of the Shinjuku center reminded me of downtown Los Angeles. Not to mention the impossibly tall Japan Tower, just finished last year. The tallest self-supporting structure in the world...a marvel of engineering and a testament to the optimism of the "Pacific Century".
I had always been an ardent admirer of skyscraper architecture; and I was not disappointed in the urban center of Tokyo. We passed Sunshine City with its office towers and park, and then we arrived at Surugadai. We leisurely strolled around for an hour. Genji and Megumi were both pleased and amused by my wide-eyed appreciation of the street life here. They would occasionally hold hands; it looked like Megumi had thawed Genji's icy demeanor.
"I'm definitely going to talk to him about Sayoko," I promised myself.
We entered a kamikassa decored with posters of J-pop singers on the walls and a neon-lighted interior. It was filled with students conversing about the end of the summer term. Megumi informed us that she had been here several times with Sora as she led the way to our table. She mentioned that she liked the 'feel' of the place. It was filled with mostly female students, creating a lively ambiance with their cheery conversations. I decided that this was as good a time as any to elicit some information from Genji.
"Genji, your sister Sayoko is in my Asian History class. She is failing the course. I want to try and help her, but I need your help as well. I suspect that she is involved with drugs in some way. I wanted to get your view on what is wrong with her," I said in a low voice.
Genji looked at me with a flash of surprise, and then he hung his head. I could tell that he was gripped in a decided turmoil concerning whether or not he should tell me about his sister. I decided to self-disclose my own history with drugs to try and ease the pressure on him.
"Genji, the reason I suspect Sayoko is having a drug problem is influenced by the fact that I once was actively using drugs. *Very* actively using drugs. I know that it was hell when I was in it, and now that I've been clean 11 years, I know there is a way out for other drug addicts," I said, showing them the scars on my arm from intravenous injections.
"This scar here is from when I was 14. I was shooting dope and I broke the needle off under the skin against the bone. So I took a razor blade and cut my arm open, dug around until I found the needle, and then poured the heroin from the syringe into the open cut." Megumi looked at me with a pained expression as I said this, while Genji stared at me with uncertainty and disbelief.
"Genji, if we are going to help your sister, *you're* going to *have* to tell me what she's doing! What she is like at home. When it all started. I know that this may be the hardest thing you can do, but if you don't, then all the pain that she is causing herself and you is just going to continue...in fact it will *definitely* get worse!" He was as frozen as a statue; Megumi grabbed him around the arm and shook him, urging him to talk. A moment later, Genji started crying softly, his face a picture of complete abjection.
"It started over a year ago. Sayoko used to get drunk all the time, but it wasn't a problem. I mean, it *was* a problem, but...she's in college, you know. People are supposed to party in college! "Then...she met this yakuza guy at a bar and he turned her on to drugs. She told me all about it, at first. She started off by taking speed, but then it got way out of hand. Crack, ice, glass, XTXC, weed, trips...whatever was around, she'd take it. She'd even try to get *me* to take it!
"But now, I'm pretty sure she's in deep trouble with the yakuza. She's been stealing stuff from our house to pay for her habit. And these really sleazy guys keep coming and going. They hand out for days at a time at our home! A..and they have guns! I...I'm so ashamed. She's ruining the honor of our family! My parents are gone all the time, so she has these drug parties. I have to hide in my room. My friends are rejecting me..."
"I don't think that's true; at least about the rejection part," I challenged him. "You're isolating, because you don't know what else to do with the pain. You don't know where to go," I offered, looking at him for confirmation.
He nodded his head.
Megumi rested her arm around his shoulders, gently rubbing his back and neck. I could feel the waves of tension emanating from him, making the air thick as gravy with stress and emotion.
"Good girl!" I thought approvingly at Megumi.
"Genji, how do *you* feel about Sayoko's drug use? Can you talk about it to us?" I asked gently.
He was shaking with effort. I knew that this was so hard for him; it abraded against his cultural standards as well as his desire to restrain his emotions. My heart went out to him...having to face such a difficult situation!
"I..it really *sucks*! I can't be myself anymore! We won the solar race and I couldn't even feel happy about it. I'm afraid to talk to anybody about Sayoko's problems because of the yakuza guys. She's really messing up at home. I..had to drag her to her room several times because she passed out in the front lawn. On the weekends, she has guys coming and going...into her bedroom! She's gets sick all of a sudden...a bunch of times. And she's looking *horrible*! It's like some Oni-demon has taken over my sister," he said sadly, his frustrations expressing themselves through a litany of sorrowful narratives. I had to struggle to hold back the tears that pressed on me from all sides, accompanying my empathy for him. I put a reassuring hand on his shoulder, shaken by what he had told me. Everything was so obvious, now.
"Genji, I cannot guarantee anything, but I will try to help if you want me to. What I plan to do is an intervention. I'll need you, Megumi, and a couple others who know Sayoko pretty well to get together. We'll meet beforehand a couple of times to map out a plan, then talk with her on the last day of school before summer break. I've done this dozens of times, so it's not like I have never confronted this kind of situation before. As her teacher, I'll offer to give her an incomplete instead of a failing mark, if she wants to get help. You'll need to really try and make her aware of how her drug use is causing you problems."
"N.I.T. doesn't give incompletes!" Megumi stated.
"Screw 'em! They may not, but *I* will, if it encourages her to seek help!"
Genji looked at me with uncertainty. I assured him that I understood to some degree how much fear he was probably feeling now...and an even greater fear when he considered bringing up Sayoko's drug usage to her face. He tried to back out of it a few times, but between Megumi's encouragement and my experience, he finally relented.
"Okay. What the hell? I really need some help with Sayoko...she's killing herself! My own sister...is dying!" he said in a gravel-tired voice. Megumi reached across the table and gave me a high-five.
"Hey, you guys planned this!" he exclaimed.
"Yep, because we care about you and Sayoko," Megumi responded. "Genji, you got a real deal tonight! You got to see the last performance of a legendary Noh actor from the Komparu School; you got a chance to be with a chick that you like, namely me; and you just recruited Cevn-sensei and I to help with Sayoko! No more whining, okay!" she half-kidded, half-comforted him. I almost choked on my soda at the assertions Megumi just made.
"Now let's enjoy ourselves some more!" she added. I raised my cup for a toast, and noticed that Genji was blaze-blushing from her remarks. She had actually called him on his attraction to her! I filled both their teacups and shouted "Banzai!" which brought laughter to both of them.
"Mission accomplished!" I thought happily.