Ah My Goddess Fan Fiction ❯ Trial By Tenderness ❯ Part 24 - Magnum Organum ( Chapter 24 )

[ Y - Young Adult: Not suitable for readers under 16 ]

Part 24 Magnum Organum



I woke up crisp and alert at the break of dawn, only to find that Urd was gone. I panicked momentarily at her unexpected disappearance. Uninvited paranoid thoughts stole past, informing me that yesterday's exhilarating events were nothing more than a 'one night stand'...that Urd was off to greener pastures. Then I felt a moment of fear that I would find Urd in the room, getting dressed. A lump in my throat formed when I realized that 'getting dressed' to Urd might mean flashing herself at me. She was always so sexy in her demeanor.
But she was gone.
I had gone to sleep fully dressed, mostly because I was very uncomfortable with Urd in bed next to me. As far as I could remember, I fell right to sleep. What if I had disappointed her by not staying awake? I sat up into a lotus position and started my morning meditations. A few minutes after I finished, I showered...and the 6am loudspeakers fired up with their martial music and news, jackbooting me back into reality.
I looked at the massive project that I was going to defend at 9 am. I had entitled it "Magnum Organum: First Consciousness". This was pretty cheeky homage on my part, ostensibly placing my work on the level of Aristotle, Bacon and Ouspensky. Aristotle had written the "Organon", Bacon had written the new Organum or "Novum Organum", while Ouspensky had written the "Tertium Organum" in the early 20th century. Each work was considered a landmark philosophical work...and I was planning to continue this tradition with my doctoral project.
I became absorbed in trying to reduce my overall stress. Hot showers were only available at Shao Yuan between 5 and 7 in the morning and evenings, so I took a lingering shower. The hot shower helped, but I wished I were back in Japan so I could soak in the furoba. I regretted that my roommate wasn't here, so I could at least have someone to chat with. Urd's absence left a gap.
"Where could she have gone?" I wondered as my nerves dissected my attempts at serenity.
Dr. Zhao had informed me at our last meeting that my dissertation defense was going to be a big event at BeiDa. They had moved it to a larger auditorium-sized classroom at the bequest of the president of the university. And if Lin's reaction were any indication, there would be an audience. This troubled me...it was bad enough that I might get shot down in flames by the committee, but adding an audience to witness said flame-out would be disastrous for my self-esteem.
I heard the door open and close and I turned around to see Urd with two boxes. She was dressed in a devastatingly beautiful white outfit. She wore a white denim jacket with embroidered stylings. Under it was a knee-length white skirt with gold lace tracings and a pink dress-shirt top, buttoned conservatively. To top it off, she wore a pink beret with faux Qing cloisonne pins on each side. The whole effect was stunning to behold.
Breathstealing.
"You can breathe now, Cevn. I don't mind your staring, but please don't drool on your paperwork," she teased. "I wanted to make sure that you do your best today. I figure...you wouldn't dare screw up in front of me when I dressed up like this. Think of me as a cosmic cheerleader. You know, like how Belldandy gets when Keiichi is in a race. I'm just boosting our odds," she announced, spinning around so I could get a good look.
"You look totally awesome for a bona fide lunatic! But I think you'd better sit in the back. You could easily distract me with that outfit," I countered.
"That's *your* problem, not mine...lai-lai schoolboy," she quipped, then smiled at me seductively.
"By the way, I brought us breakfast. I ran into Dr. Zhao on the way here. He's a bundle of excitement. He told me that there are already students in the auditorium. He was on his way there with a group of your brainiacs that flew in to participate in your quiz-kid committee thingy. He said they're from a whole bunch of different countries."
Urd was trying to cheer me up by her light-hearted banter, but the last bit of news melted bitter to stomach. At once, I lost my appetite as my stress mounted even further.
An international committee? I thought that only one scholar from Australia was going to show up. In the past week, I had given preliminary precis of my project to Dr. Zhao to distribute to the members of the committee he was forming. Other than this, I hadn't given much attention to the matter of my committee. I confronted myself on my shortsightedness...I had only fooled myself by falsely assuming that while I was making a big deal of this, but no one else would. Assume. Ass of u and me.
I gripped my chopstix tightly; feeling intimidated all of a sudden. Urd seemed to notice this and tried to pump some confidence in me. She reminded me that I had faced my personal demons yesterday when I told her how I felt about her, so what I was doing today...was do-able.
We left for the auditorium after breakfast. I wanted to get there at least a half an hour early, so I could become familiar with the environs. As we walked in, there was about a *hundred* students seated in the auditorium, half filling it. I walked down the center aisle with Urd next to me; feeling awkward when some of the male students whistled at her wolfishly.
"China *has* changed since I first studied here," I observed silently, knowing that the BeiDa students had gotten more rowdy since my first trip to the school.
The front of the auditorium had a single chair and desk on the left side of the stage. Arranged on the opposite side were three long tables and fourteen chairs. I felt an urge to cringe as I realized that I would be the sole occupant of that 'hot seat' for the rest of the day. In contrast, the committee would possess safety in numbers. I set down the boxes holding my dissertations and precis, then distributed them on the committee table. Urd sat in the front row on my side next to Lin. Lin looked at Urd, then smiled at me approvingly.
"Those two know each other!" I realized with a trace of surprise. As if to confirm my suspicion, they broke into animated conversation, occasionally pointing at me and giggling mirthfully.
I took my seat on the side of the stage and watched the professors pile in and take their seats. Each one looked like a wizened sage...they were all elderly except for two that were in their 50s. There was a lectern on the middle of the table from which they could direct questions to me; someone had set up a tape recorder to record the proceedings.
"What next, live reports from CNNI?" I whispered to myself sarcastically.
I vigilantly noted the professor's reactions as they examined the final draft of my dissertation. Several of them darted sharp glances at me, apparently incensed at the propositions in research. I tried to avoid casting assumptions as to why they were so upset. Dr. Zhao took to the podium and greeted the audience, then began to introduce the committee.
"This is Professor Terasawa of Tokyo University. He is the world's leading expert on symbolic logic and metaphysical philosophy." I just about choked when I heard this...the man was *the* Dr. Terasawa! He bowed slightly to me with a look on his face that seemed to say "I'm going to bite your head off." Then Dr. Zhao introduced the next scholar, a historian from Cambridge.
"*Cambridge!*" I mentally choked on my tea. With each name and credential that Dr. Zhao rattled off, I felt myself sinking lower and lower into my chair. Emeritus Professor this, world-renowned expert that, publisher of landmark work la de da, originator of such and such research. There was even an Abbess Omao from a Zen nunnery on the committee. Dr. Zhao had assembled a collection of the leading experts in every area my dissertation touched upon. With mixed feelings, I learned that he had pulled no punches with their selection.
A few moments later, I was directed to verbally abstract my doctoral project.
It had started...

* * * * * * * *

Keiichi walked into the kitchen to get a juice when he spied Megumi sitting on one of the couches with her legs curled under her. His heart immediately went va-va-voom as she looked up at him with her beautiful brown eyes and dandelion-cut auburn hair. She was sitting in the living room on the cordless phone.
"What's the matter with her? She didn't take her medicine this morning! Hell, what's the matter with me? I'm totally caught up in her beauty," he noted to himself irritably. He gritted his teeth, chiding himself for feeling attracted to his little sister. With an effort of will, he returned back to his "Keiichi's Shop" room.

* * * * * * * *

"Hello? Ms. Hasegawa, I *know* Sora's there! This is a matter of life and death! Could you *please* put her on the phone? I really need to clear up something with her!" Megumi asked in a pleading voice. She smiled to herself as she heard Sora's mom called her to the phone in the background.
"Hello?"
"SorathisisMegumidon'thangup!" she said as fast as she could. Now it was all up to Sora.
"I'm at work, y'know!" Sora said in a level voice filled with the fleece of revolt, so acridly bitter that Megumi flinched on her end of the phone.
"Sora, I need to explain what happened the other day at the mall," Megumi said without missing a beat.
"What is there to explain? You already have Genji, and now you're acting the *furin* with Toshiyuki...who's supposed to be *mine*!"
"Furin? I am not two-timing Genji..." Megumi blurted, angered at the verbal barb. Especially since it was baseless. Being called "furin" was like being called a slut...or worse!
"Toshiyuki was meant for *me*...and instead *you* stole his heart! Then I nearly choked to death and all you could do was let him hang all over you. I utterly, *totally*, despise you!" Megumi flinched at the harsh words of her friend.
"Look, Sora, I'm really sorry about what happened at the restaurant. But there was a really good reason why it happened. Please hear me out. I need you to try and give me a chance to prove myself. To explain. Come to my house this evening at about six. Please. If you don't, then we'll end up losing our friendship over a misunderstanding that could've been corrected.
"Please...by all the years that we have been friends, I *swear* that I would never hurt you intentionally. Please come over!" Megumi had practically begged for Sora to come. After a moment's silence, Sora agreed. Megumi smiled from ear to ear and swung part two of her plan into action.

* * * * * * * *

Urd listened closely as yet another professor attacked Cevn's work. The man had risen up out of his chair and was vigorously pounding his fist on the table to emphasize his arguments. The professors were no longer going up to the lectern. Urd was both bored and interested in the drama of the proceedings. She knew that Cevn was right as soon as he finished his abstract presentation. But the professors on his committee were extremely argumentative.
She felt a disturbed amazement when she realized that he had incorporated Yggdrasilian thought matrices into a full section of his work. This bold move on his part would make his dissertation as confusing to the mortals as the Demon's Language portions of the Enigma Book were confounding to her.
"This is what happens when you mix mortal philosophy and Yggdrasilian science. There's no way that a human mind can understand the thought matrix," she thought grimly. It was difficult for her to see her friend get attacked so vociferously by the faculty on his committee. Even Dr. Zhao had joined on the act. Urd kept wondering about this contradiction of behavior. If this committee was here to help Cevn through his doctorate thingy, then what was fueling their attacks on him? She expected confusion, not passionate aggression.
Lin had left around 4pm, excusing herself by acknowledging that she had developed a headache from trying to follow the erudite debating. At 7pm, she returned with some snacks for Urd and Cevn. Finally, things wrapped up at 11pm when Dr. Zhao pronounced that the dissertation defense would continue tomorrow. It was apparent that Cevn had not convinced any members of the committee that his work was valid. Urd noticed that none of them were able to refute his research either.
"Great. A Chinese standoff. More yelling and arguing tomorrow. O joy!" Lin remarked, elbowing her. Urd shook her head and giggled at Lin's mock-indignant tone of voice.
Cevn leaned back in his chair and let out a long sigh of relief after the session was over. Besides two fifteen-minute breaks, he had been fending questions and accusations all day.
The audience participation didn't help matters. The students were a randy group...all rebelliously siding with him. At one point when he successfully shut down the arguments of one professor, the auditorium exploded with disrespectful applause. Dr. Zhao ruefully chewed out the observers for their indecorous behavior. The professor had grown angrier, and Cevn worried that he would be out for blood. To allay a potential enmity, Cevn scolded the audience as well, passionately explaining that any individual's arguments and convictions were close to their heart...thus, they should be accorded the highest respect. This clearly impressed several members of the committee.
Urd wanted to go out and celebrate after being cooped up in the auditorium for the whole day. Cevn excused himself, explaining that he was mentally exhausted. Stunned, Urd grew angry at his refusal. After all, she had devoted her *entire* day to him; now couldn't he devote part of an evening to her?
She left in a bellicose frame of mind with Lin in tow.
At a nightclub, Lin sat her down and explained that Cevn was indeed exhausted and that it had nothing to do with her. Urd soberly realized that Cevn couldn't have gone out with them, even if he *wanted* to. She realized that Lin had correctly assessed the situation...and that once again she had let her impulses and expectations get the best of her. Gradually, the karaoke singing devolved into drunken howling and screeching. Feeling guilty, Urd told Lin that she wanted to go home and apologize. Lin smiled at her and walked her to Shao Yuan.
Urd opened the door and saw Cevn lying on the floor, writhing in agony.

* * * * * * * *

Sora arrived a little after 6pm. Megumi saw her friend standing in the doorway, almost reluctant to come in. She wanted to greet her, but the aura that Sora gave off was decidedly defensive and averse. Megumi had invented an errand for Genji, sending him all the way to Chiba to pick up a book. Skuld was entrenched in her lab, working on a new mecha. Belldandy had gone to the grocery store; now she was probably on the expressway to Chiba with Genji.
Perfect.
*That* had taken some expert manipulation on Megumi's part...it seemed that Keiichi and Belldandy were inseparable since they arrived from Southern Japan. And Belldandy had *that look*. A glowing expression that Megumi recognized all too well, having noticed it when her friends...admitted to her that they had made love with their boyfriends for the first time.
"Could she and Keiichi have *done it*?" she wondered, then returned her attention to the diminutive college soon-to-be-sophomore standing in front of her.
"Come in, Sora. Can I get you some tea?" she offered politely.
"No...I'm really not in the mood for anything you would offer," Sora replied flatly. "What do you have to show me?"
"Okay, so she wants to get right to the point," Megumi thought. "I can't blame her, I would too if I was in her zorii. This is going to take some guts."
"Oh Keiichi? Tomohisa? Can you men come into the living room...I have something I want to show you," she called out in a lyrical singsong voice.
Keiichi heard Megumi calling him and laid down his scanpad, a little tool he used for sketching 3D schematics. Part computer, part remote control, part drawing screen. Essential for any engineering student planning to graduate in 2007. He joined Tomohisa in the hallway and they walked in the living room.
"What is it, Megumi?" Keiichi asked.
He felt his senses become richly alert...and realized that she *still* hadn't taken any of her pills. And that she was damned attractive. He felt an instinctive pull towards her that was difficult to resist. It was if her beauty had assumed magnetic properties; a magnetism that was a force a nature, drawing almost physically on male pheromones.
Tomohisa stood in the hallway with his mouth agape, staring at his cousin, feeling juiced by her sexiness.
"She's so beautiful...I wonder if Skuld could be as good looking when she gets older! I wonder if *anyone* could be so incredibly..." he thought, losing the words to describe her beauty.
Keiichi cast a sidelong glance at his cousin, who was muttering "dai kawaii" over and over.
Megumi was dressed in a pair of khaki shorts with a sleeveless T-shirt. Nothing too spectacular, but she had deliberately chosen not to dress up for a reason. This way, being dressed in her casual houseclothes, Sora could not use attire as an excuse to explain what was coming up next.
"Why don't you guys find a seat?" she said sweetly. Immediately, Keiichi and Tomohisa sat on either side of her.
"Don't be shy now, guys, she said sweetly. Tomohisa put his arm around Megumi's shoulders in a very familiar manner as Keiichi leaned against her.
Sora watched in amazed disgust as Keiichi and Tomohisa flirted with Megumi.
"My God, she's their sister and cousin...and they're acting just like Toshi did! At least Keiichi seems to try and restrain himself, but Tomohisa is acting like a puppy! If this wasn't so disgusting, it would be...incredible," she observed.
Keiichi hadn't had to deal with the full force of Megumi's beauty spell for a long time; he was unprepared for the intensity of it. Megumi was enchanting him with her pert beauty. He struggled inside, picturing Belldandy's beauty...visualizing how lovely his divine girlfriend was. Grinding his clenched teeth because of the effort, he finally stood up.
"Megumi, w..what's going on here? Why did you call us here? Y...you didn't take your pills this morning, did you?"
"What pills do you mean, Keiichi?" she asked with feigned innocence.
Keiichi looked nervously back and forth between Megumi and Sora. He shot his sister an icy look laced with accusation and confusion.
"What is she trying to prove? She *knows* that Sora doesn't know anything about Belldandy and the others!" he thought frantically.
"The *pills*. You know, the ones you have to take twice a day!" he said with overt intent.
Sora's anger towards Megumi receded a bit as she began to wonder what was going on here. She felt a sharp fear arise.
"W..what if Megumi is really sick and she called me here because she wanted to tell me face-to-face? Maybe that's why she has to take pills?" she concluded with vivid panic.
"Ohmygod Megumi, you're not terminally ill, are you?" she blurted out, her longstanding friendship overwhelming her recent feelings of betrayal. Sora watched Megumi's expression play between shock and humor.
"No, I'm not!" Megumi replied, choking down a fit of laughter.
"Then why do you have to take pills everyday?" Sora pressed her urgently for an answer.
"Tomohisa, could you get Sora and I some soda from the fridge?" Megumi requested in a sugary voice.
Sora watched as Tomohisa reluctantly got up and went to the kitchen, then returned with two sodas, giving them both to Megumi. Megumi smiled and pointed at one soda, then at Sora. Tomohisa sat next to her and cracked Sora's soda open, then commented to Megumi that he wished all the girls in his senior high were as sexy as she was. Sora recalled the restaurant incident...this was the same thing happening all over again.
"Is Megumi out of her mind? She's just trying to rub it in, doing it again with Keiichi and Tomohisa...hell, they're probably in on it with her," she figured.
Megumi saw Sora's freckles disappear into a rapidly reddening face. She sprang up off the couch and turned to face all three.
"Okay! That's good enough to prove my point," she shouted, getting everyone's undivided attention. She walked over and knelt in front of her friend.
"Look, Sora. My *own* brother and cousin are infatuated with me right now!" she observed. Keiichi and Tomohisa both turned beet-red with embarrassment as she continued.
"Keiichi already has a girlfriend that he loves dearly. As for Tomohisa...well let's just say that I used to baby-sit him for a few years. You wanna know why they're acting this way? Because of Belldandy!" Megumi explained.
"What does she have to do with anything?" Sora asked, keeling an irritated voice. Keiichi's eyes widened with fear as he sensed that Megumi was going to disclose their little 'family secret'.
"Before I tell you more, I need you to 'pinky promise' that you'll never repeat what I'm about to say to *anyone*!" Megumi said gravely as she raised her hand up and extended her pinky. Sora looked at her, trying to decide if Megumi was for real. Then she cautiously wrapped her pinky around Megumi's and they shook their hands this way three times.
"OK, now that we've made the solemn promise...Belldandy and Urd and Skuld are actually three Goddesses who have come here because of a wish Keiichi made," Megumi admitted.

**Ulp!**

Keiichi jumped up and tried to cover Megumi's mouth but she pushed his arm away so she could speak clearly.
"Huh? Huh huh, hee heh hahahahahahah!" Sora laughed riotously. She almost slid off the zabuton she was sitting on. "You expect me to believe that?"
"It's true!"
Everyone turned their heads to see Belldandy and Genji standing in the doorway. Megumi looked at them in shock...they weren't supposed to be back for another two hours.
"I forgot my driver's license," Genji said sheepishly. Megumi shot him a glance that said "you're in deep tempura, boy!", then shook her head in dismay.
"Idiot! He's my boyfriend alright...a true space cadet sometimes," she thought resignedly, hooding her eyes with her hand.
Belldandy waved her hands in a pattern and *floated* over to where everyone was sitting. Sora looked up at her and saw a halo of silvery lights around her head.
"Holy Bell..." Belldandy sang a summoning. A moment later, an *angel* appeared, seemingly leaping out of Belldandy's back.
"Wha..wha..wha...waugh!" Sora stuttered in rapt stupefaction.
She decided that the female figure hovering behind Belldandy must be an angel, because (she/it?) had a beautiful set of glowing wings. The angel had pure white hair flowing upward in sum defiance of physics. Swathed in a flowing silken white sheet, the angelic being seemed to be the embodiment of purity.
Seeing Belldandy and Holy Bell floating like this, Sora felt completely awed and humbled. Then she felt a wash of satisfaction...this confirmed her suspicions about the lot of unusual things that seemed to center on Keiichi and his housemates.
"I knew it! I suspected that there was something unusual about you...the probabilities of our Club winning *all* our races..." she addressed the group, feeling somewhat triumphant as soon as her initial shock wore off.
"Heyheyhey...not so fast, Sora! *I* won almost all of those races fair and square!" an indignant Keiichi interrupted her. Megumi looked at Belldandy, preparing herself for a sharp sanction for revealing the 'Goddess secret'.
Belldandy turned to Megumi and smiled kindly.
"I heard the entire thing, Megumi. Your friendship with Sora runs deeply into the calm waters of your spirit...your loyalty toward her as your friend is beyond redoubt. My error lies in creating a beauty spell, which inadvertently has caused an unfortunate schism between you. If revealing my divine nature is necessary to mend your friendship, then it is a revealing that both I welcome and condone," she stated. Everybody in the room was profoundly moved by Belldandy's speech; they all possessed venerative attitudes towards her.
"Wow..." Keiichi muttered.
Finally, Megumi looked at her with an expression of gratitude. Belldandy had seen right into the heart of the matter.
"Hey...uh could you stop floating like that? It's kinda scary to watch," Sora managed to request amidst her wonderment. Holy Bell returned to Belldandy, who then floated back down onto the ground and sat next to Keiichi.
"You see, Belldandy cast a spell on me to make me beautiful...not that I already was, hee hee. Uh...but something happened that required her to help me. She made a mistake and made the spell too powerful. Thus, if I don't take the sormatics that Urd made for me, I become a magnet for all males. Even if they have wives, girlfriends...even my own brother and cousin."
She turned to Keiichi and Tomohisa and bowed a sincere apology. "I'm sorry that I had to subject you both to this, but it was the only way I could think of to prove to Sora...mmmph!"
Keiichi had picked up a pillow from the couch and playfully hit her in the face with it.
"Hey...could you take one of those pills now, Megumi!" Keiichi stammered, half-angry and half-amused by his sister's cunning stunt. He 'pounded' her on the head a few more times with the pillow to emphasize his request.
"I can't believe you're my sister sometimes! I bet you just *love* teasing men... You're just like every woman I know!" Keiichi stated, a-thorned by another one of Megumi's hare-brained schemes.
"KEIICHI!" Belldandy and Megumi shouted in unison.
"But it's true...take a look at your own boyfriend, Megumi!" he said, pointing at Genji.
Megumi looked at Genji, who was staring at her with vacant eyes. It was apparent to them all that he was so entranced by Megumi's beauty...that he had fallen into a catatonia-like trance. Tomohisa stood up and waved his hand in front of Genji's eyes, then laughed and made faces at him.
"Tomohisa...grow up!" Megumi and Keiichi said disdainfully.
Sora watched all this with incredulity. It was all too much to absorb at once.
"No wonder things are so insane with these guys!" she concluded. Then an idea stuck her.
"Wouldn't it be great if..." she wondered as Megumi excused herself to go to her room to take one of Urd's lozenges.
"I wonder if you could do to me what you did to Megumi?" Sora asked Belldandy.

* * * * * * * *

Urd was jarred by the sight in front of her. Cevn was moaning, clutching his chest.
"He was just fine a couple hours ago," she thought desperately. She fought back her emotions as she tried to keep cool and calculated. She knelt down beside him and took his pulse...everything appeared normal.
"Why?" she shouted at the top of her lungs. She had just gotten together with him yesterday, and now the Ultimate Force was taking him away. She halted herself.
"Waitaminute. The UF *never* takes lives, it just manipulates events," she said to herself.
Her eyes narrowed as she looked for a mirror. She found a little hand mirror in his shaving kit. Then she pricked her finger with a safety pin and pinched a drop of pinkish blood onto the mirror. Smearing the blood to cover its surface, she aligned the mirror so she could see Cevn in the reflection.
"Oh, no!" she exclaimed. In the mirror, Cevn's reflection had a faint rubescent glow. Urd's suspicions were confirmed...he was under a low-level Demonic spell. This brought on new frustration as she realized that she was without her powers. She basically had just enough power to manifest in a mortal form, with little to spare.
"I'm going to get you out of this...don't you worry!" she said to his semi-conscious form. Urd felt her heart being pulled; he was in too much pain to do anything but slightly nod his head. Or was that just a reaction to the agony of the spell?
Urd thought back to all the warding classes she had inculcated in her youth. Scanning her memory, she began to recall counterspells to remove low level Demonic spells. It would have been easy to do if she had her license, but the Big Meany had effectively cauterized her magical abilities. Widening her awareness, it dawned on Urd that this situation wasn't beyond her abilities. She *could* handle it!
"After all, Cevn's still my mortal charge...and even though I don't have any powers to speak of, this wouldn't have arisen unless there was a solution that I could employ," she reasoned.
Urd wondered what Belldandy and Skuld would do if they were faced with these circumstances. Belldandy would try and mother him back to health, or just cast a spell. Skuld would look at it logically, mathematically...
"That's it!" she shouted.

* * * * * * * *

The last thing I remembered was being in absolute agony, as if someone had drained me of blood and filled me with fire. Urd had yelled at me about not being in party mode, so I had walked home. But as soon as I turned on the light, I was filled with pain.
But now, I felt totally relaxed and at peace with myself. What happened? My body felt drained; the kind of fatigue that comes after jonesing for heroin. It was already daybreak.
"What time is it?" I asked, hoping that Urd would have come back last night from her pubcrawling or whatever with Lin. I still felt resentment at her...she had basically ignored the fact that I was drained from yesterday's proceedings. Urd wasn't here. I staggered to my feet and noticed that it was 7am. Much as I wanted to figure out what happened to me last night, I knew that I needed to shove my curiosity into the remote reaches of my mind, so that I could focus on today's work.
I just missed the hot water shower times, so I blueshowered and dressed. I had decided earlier that I wasn't going to wear anything *different* to this dissertation defense...I wasn't going to dress up in something like a suit and tie. I put on a pair of Levi's and a long-sleeved tie-dye shirt, pulled my hair back in a ponytail and slipped on my Nikes.
When I reached the auditorium, it was packed with students again. A few of the committee members were present, seated on their side of the stage. Dr. Zhao intercepted me and informed me that many of the professors had been faxing pieces of my work to their colleagues. When I asked him why, he confided in me that they were trying to utilize the help of other scholars to find dispute with my research. The two psychometricians from Germany and the US had jointly decided that they had to disprove my refutation of the Null Hypothesis by any means necessary. The three linguists wanted to find inconsistencies with known languages in order to dispute the data brought back from my discoveries in the Encyclopedia of Dawn. Several others were confounded by the other two sections of my dissertation, especially the section that presented the codification of all possible and potential human thoughts.
"Where was Urd?" I wondered, rapidly consumed by a fugue. I saw Lin, who smiled at me and told me that Urd had left to come home about 1am last night. Lin had walked her to my dorm. Lin was surprised as I had been when I told her that Urd hadn't come home. I tried not to roam into jealous, possessive thoughts about the absent Urd...but I was worried. Worried about my sudden 'seizure' last night, about her disappearance...
Dr. Zhao called the proceedings to order and the 'festivities' began anew.

* * * * * * * *

It was almost midnight when I got back to my dorm room. I was reservedly pleased with the day's proceedings. I restructured my oral presentation and managed to refute all of the objections while imparting explanations rather than obfuscations. Several of the old scholars were decidedly less critical of my research at the end of the long session and one emeritus professor seemed to have rested his case.
There was still a lot of contention from 2/3 of the committee. Dr. Terasawa was especially aggressive in his criticisms. The information I was presenting regarding the ancient languages found in the Encyclopedia of Dawn flew in the face of accordant anthropological systems. It was proving difficult to present my findings in such a manner where I couldn't be accused of subjectivist premises.
After it was over, Lin invited me out to dinner at one of the restaurants adjoining BeiDa. She confided in me that Urd felt badly because she had pressured me to go out and party the night before. I could tell that she was really worried about Urd.
Lin narrated to me that she had ran into Urd a few days after the debacle when Urd almost turned my economics lecture into total chaos. Lin had taken a fetching liking to Urd, who was current with fashion *and* economic theory. I knew that Urd had a predisposition towards money, but I was surprised to learn that it extended into post-Keynesian macroeconomics theory.
Ruminating about my discussion with Lin, I sat down on my bed and fought to stay awake, when a piece of paper caught my attention on my desk. I hadn't noticed it there this morning, but then again, I didn't remember noticing anything except my worn-out body, my alarm clock and my closet
I unfolded it and read it:

Cevn,

I left you this note to explain why I won't be there with you
today. Last night, you were overtaken by a Demonic spell. I
think that Mara may have something to do with it, because I
noticed that I was under a spell too. Anyway, I was able to
thwart it by encanting a dissolution spell. The catch is that
I had to use almost all of my energy that is needed so I can
appear in this mortal form that you can't seem to keep your
eyes off of. As a result, I am now a micro-Urd...probably about
a half-millimeter tall. That's all the energy I have leftover
from removing the spells on both of us. Now I know why I was
extra-sad even after you sprang your 'surprise' on me. Anyway,
I'm in a safe place...so you don't have to worry about stepping on me.
According to my calculations, I will be able to manifest as a
normal-sized Urd in a few days. Good luck with the dissertation
thingy,

Love, Urd

So *that* was why Urd wasn't around today! I was surprised at the "love" in the closing...I hadn't read a letter with *that* word in the closing since I was married. I breathed a silent "thank you" to Urd, wherever she was. A moment's paranoia gripped me as I envisioned myself stepping on her micro-deformed form. It was still such a novelty to have a woman in my life whose interest in me actually transcended being 'just friends'.
This would take *a lot* of getting used to.
"I'm going to miss her at tomorrow's 'dissertation thingy'," I thought as my waking world faded into empyrean.

* * * * * * * *

Belldandy was up late talking to Kodama and her fellow Ninjettes. She had concluded that Mara had possessed them, making one of their number write the kanji for "death" on the wall of Cevn's bedroom. There was a significant gap in their memories...they couldn't recall much about the night Cevn packed up and left.
After discovering this, she decided to keep it to herself. Tired, and somewhat amused by Megumi's brave dramatics earlier, she headed for her bedroom.
"Elder Sister, I need to talk to you!" Skuld said, sitting up in her futon bed as soon as Belldandy shut the shoji door. Belldandy knew immediately by the serious cast of her voice and the brooding expression behind it...that Skuld wanted to discuss something important. She sat up and turned to face her younger sister, smoothing out her long tan brown tresses of hair with a practiced motion.
"Yes, dear Skuld. What do you wish to talk about?"
"Belldandy, I've noticed that something has changed between you and Keiichi. I didn't think much about it at first, but it kept bugging me. Then I noticed you reading that magazine...and I realized that you were reading an article on...I just can't say it, no matter how much I know that Keiichi loves you."
Belldandy blushed.
"I..I had prepared myself for the possibility that you and Keiichi might... But I didn't really think that it could happen between one of *us* and one of *them*! I've been angry for so long at Keiichi for taking you away from me...now I feel that since you and he...snff...I feel that he's taken you away from me even further. It sucks! It sucks! It sucks!
"Why is it that he can give you something...snff...that I can't! I feel terrible. And alone. Why did you have to give in to him? WHY?" she wailed.
Belldandy watched her younger sister with a pensive expression. She was embarrassed that Skuld had figured out on her own that she and Keiichi had made love with each other. She had wanted to tell Skuld when the time was right...which wasn't now.
She flashed on the notion that she could explain away the magazine as an attempt to 'become prepared' in the event that Keiichi wanted to be physically intimate with her. But she realized that Skuld would see through any deceit she might devise. Beyond this, it simply wouldn't be fair to Skuld to be lied to...especially with an issue as sensitive as sexual relations.
"How do I explain it to her when she's still a child in so many ways?" Belldandy pondered.
"I feel that Keiichi once more has come between us. The closer you get to him, the further away from you *I* feel. I'm just a kid...I don't know anything about how you must feel. About love. IT'S SO UNFAIR!" Skuld lamented.
Belldandy almost gasped when she heard Skuld admit that she was still a child.
"But Skuld, you're not a child...not a kid. You've become a young lady in these past several years with the mortals. Just the fact that this kind of thing fails to escape your attention is a sure sign of your maturity," Belldandy challenged her. She looked dreamily upward in the air and drew a sighing breath.
"Yes, love is something that can never be described...you have to experience it firsthand. So I won't even try to make sense of it to you, Skuld. You will have to find your own answers. And you will have to become comfortable with the word 'sex'"
Skuld flinched as Belldandy said *that* word. She wanted to argue with Elder Sister, but a sense of caution won out and she decided to let Belldandy have her say.
"Keiichi and I have made love. We have become sexual in the mortal sense. And it is *wonderful* being with him! I have no regrets that we have done what we've done. But it doesn't diminish my love for you, my dear Little Sister!"
"But...that's not how *I* feel! No no nonono!" Skuld countered in a staccato burst of words. Belldandy sensed that Skuld was on the verge of throwing one of her patent Skuld-fits.
"Why *can't* I understand it? I see mortals in love all the time...and it's so gross. So yucky. Look at Megumi and Genji. They *hang* on each other all the time. Stupid mortals fall in love so easily! They want to do this...sex...without even having feelings for each other. How do you know that you have *enough* feelings for Keiichi? Enough to say that you're in truly love with him?"
"Skuld...I love you enough to tell you the truth. Right?"
"Yes."
"Has you ever noticed Keiichi...lying to me?" she asked. Skuld knitted her brows in deep reflection for a moment.
"No," she admitted weakly.
"Has Keiichi ever lied to you?"
"No," she again replied, wondering where all this was leading.
"If he didn't love me, do you think that Keiichi would be concerned with trying to be so truthful? Wouldn't he be dishonest instead? Wouldn't he lie to you and I?"
"No, he *always* seems to be truthful with us. He must feel something towards you...but is it love?" Skuld countered.
"Skuld, I want you to remember this. If we spend all our lives questioning whether the warm, caring feelings that we experience towards others *are enough* to qualify as 'love', then we'll miss the actual experience of love. Love isn't something that can be demonstrably measured," she explained.
"It just *is*."
Belldandy watched Skuld's face, a little mirror of her own face. Skuld was trying hard to grapple with her words.
"Just like how I love you. You're my little sister...and I can never spend time questioning how much I love you...because I'm *already loving you*," she said to Skuld in a firm soft voice.
Skuld looked at Belldandy thoughtfully.
"Okay...I'm going to talk to Keiichi in the morning!" she decided aloud.
With her mind made up, Skuld lay back down on her bed without even finishing the discussion.
"Oh no!" Belldandy thought, dreadfully envisioning the difficulties her mortal boyfriend would face when asked to define love by her analytical little sister.

* * * * * * * *

It was the fifth day. I had been interviewed for the student newspaper and the Peoples Daily yesterday during our dinner break. Urd was *still* in her minuscule form. I was worried that she might be trapped. Lin had to walk me to my dorm room yesterday; I was almost delirious from the mental effort I had expended in countering all the turgid and relevant points of argument. Only three members of the committee seemed to have relaxed their inquiries somewhat; I still faced a unanimous critical opinion against my work. I felt as if I was being probed with steelsharp drill bits of intellect. And since a portion of my work was a recent production of my metallect, I lacked the comfort of a vis a tergo..the familiar, yet essential nucleus of ideas from which theory-sets germinate.
I got up early and headed for the pavilion at the center of the Nameless Lake. BeiDa was built on the premises of an Imperial retreat dating from the Qianlong reign in the Qing Dynasty. The Nameless Lake was located on the 'ancient' east side of the campus, near the fabled 13-tiered Water Pagoda. There was a narrow grass-lined walkway that extended out to an island in the middle of the lake. The lake itself was oblong, extending roughly 200 meters by 100 meters. It was shallow, its surface dotted with floating waterlilies and protruding water reeds. The Pagoda was octangular with benches built alongside its perimeter. These could accommodate up to 40 people who wanted to rest and enjoy the view of the lake. Also attached to the little island was a stone boat...it was nothing as ornate as the Marble Boat at the Summer Palace. I sat on the end of the Stone Boat and watched the sky rise through the color spectrum from black to light azure.
My mind felt like the early morning mist that cloaked the lake, wafting in between the slender curves of the reeds. It was almost ethereal...so much had happened this week. I had stretched my intellect to its fullest. I had softened my heart to its gentlest. I didn't know what was left, except that I would plod forth like all of humanity into the unknown 'beingness' of the next moment. The future awaited me...and I could calmly embrace it. I knew that I wasn't alone.
I entered the auditorium, hoping to turn the tideswells of doubt among the committee.

* * * * * * * *

Keiichi was busy performing engine maintenance on his motorcycle in the garage section of the compound. After traveling all over Japan for several weeks, he had decided to spend this weekend doing stay-at-home work. He had been hankering to work on his bike during the summer break, but with the Urd chaos, any bike work was put on the back burner. Bell-chan and Skuld were both upset again...Urd hadn't called in over two weeks. Cevn *did* call, leaving a message that Urd was delayed, mentioning something about "micro-deformity." Belldandy had to explain that one to him. But that was already eleven days past the date Urd had set for their return. He had struggled to buoy the spirits of two disheartened Goddesses, but now he needed a break. So he planned ahead for today, to finish his upgrades to his bike.
He watched as Skuld walked up with an ambling gait to observe him at work.
"This is curious...she's hardly ever interested in any work I do to my bike," he noticed. Keiichi remembered the only time that Skuld had worked on his bike...she had begged him to let her repair it...and then she overstressed the engine mount and most of the structural loadbearing points. He rode it and it flew apart about 30 meters down the road. This incident had been the precursor to the Robot Wars rivalry between his sister and Skuld.
Skuld watched him in silence. She had been bitterly disappointed in Urd's delay; thus she had been really tetchy and moody.
"If *she's* here because of something other than casual interest, there's gonna be trouble," he thought with a foreboding. "She never wants to talk to me when I'm alone."
Keiichi sensed like he was being sized up by the youngest Goddess for some unforeseen reason.
"Skuld, do you wanna help me with this set of brackets? It would really be great if you could fasten the other side while I tighten this side."
"Sure," she said in a level voice. Keiichi handed her a ratchet set and watched her go to work tightening the bracing bar next to the engine.
"What does she want?" he asked himself. In a wild roam of his imaginings, he felt that he was engaged in a test of wills with the Norn of the Future. Then a strange memory passed through his mind, a Christmas many years ago when he had watched a film called The Christmas Carol. A man named Scrooge was visited by the ghosts of the past, present, and future. Keiichi recalled that the old man nearly shit in his pants when he was confronted with the Ghost of the Future. The future is the harbinger of fear; Scrooge was much more afraid of the future than either the past or the present. Skuld was not to be taken lightly.
"Keiichi, why did you have sex with my older sister?" Skuld asked casually.

*Clank!*

*Owwww...shit!* Keiichi cursed. He was so taken aback by her question that he slipped the ratchet out of its socket and crunched his finger. As he recovered his breath, his first mental response was "it's none of your business!" But it *was* Skuld's business, whether he willed it that way or not. It *had* been Skuld's business for over three years. All the death threats. The silent treatments. The badgering of Belldandy. The sabotaging of races and vehicles. All of this, because Skuld disapproved his being with her older sister. Sibling possessiveness and jealousy.
He looked at Skuld, diminutively seated on a workbench on the other side of his bike. She looked like a very beautiful normal 12 or 13 year old girl. Pure. Innocent. Clear-eyed. But he knew that she was far from innocent...this little girl had just blasted him with the most *uninnocent* question anyone could possibly formulate. Or *was* she innocent? Her rivalries with Keiichi and Megumi suggested childish impetuosity and brattiness.
"How do I answer *that*?" Keiichi wondered as his survival instincts rushed upon him...he surveyed the immediate vicinity for sight or sound of Banpei, expecting Skuld's robot to come whirring around a corner with a pole aimed at his groin.
"Banpei's not going to bother us. I can wait as long as it takes for you to answer my question," Skuld calmly stated as she crossed her arms.
Keiichi was rendered even more defensive by her intuitiveness. He finally recovered himself enough to pull a stool over by the workbench, then he sat down facing Skuld.
"How did you know?" he asked calmly.
"Oh...I just kinda figured it out. You know...I'm good at figuring out things," she said with a hint of a smile. Then her face regained its serious mien.
"Skuld...we were going to tell you eventually. We wanted to be sure that we could all talk about it sensibly," Keiichi stated with a hint of embarrassment, holding his hand to the back of his head.
"You mean that you wanted to make sure you could say it just right, so that you could convince me that what you did with my sister was okay. But I'm *not* convinced," she accused him icily.
"Skuld! It takes time to sort these things out," Keiichi replied in an uncertain voice. "We're still figuring out what this...new area means for our relationship."
"You *don't know*? You went and did that with her and you didn't know what would follow?" she said with clear disappointment. "You didn't plan for any consequences?"
"Unlike you, I don't know the future. Neither does Belldandy!" Keiichi countered. "Time for us means only the here and now. Believe me, we spent a lot of time talking about what it means for both of us."
"But it didn't take any time for you to take advantage of my sister!" she said spitefully. "Let's look at the facts: Urd was gone. My sister was upset...going out of her mind with grief and desperation. You and she were alone on the other side of Japan, away from all her friends and me. And then you came in and took the initiative at the point when she was weakest! You took advantage of her!"
"That's not freakin' fair, Skuld! That isn't how it happened, and *you know it*!" Keiichi said in an exasperated voice.
"How do *you* know, Keiichi-kun?" Keiichi felt wounded by Skuld's formal means of addressing him. "How do you know that you're not just justifying it? How do you know that it was the right time?" He heard this and felt himself turning towards anger.
"We both agreed that the time was right! It was a *mutual* decision, made by your sister and I when our minds were clear and free!" he answered, almost shouting.
"THAT'S NOT GOOD ENOUGH! That's *my* sister you're messing with! You're turning her away from me, and I don't like it! She's no longer the same! She's reading 'Primadonna Lady'! Next thing you know, she'll be serving you on hand and knee. As if she isn't already. She is a *First Class Unlimited License Goddess*...and you're making her act like she's in bridal training! Why couldn't you have just left things the way they were?"
"BECAUSE I LOVE HER! I LOVE BELL-CHAN WITH ALL OF MY HEART!"
Keiichi fixed his eyes on Skuld. Skuld stared angrily back at him, not batting a lash.
"How do you know that your love for her is enough? And you better answer me the right way or else I *will* summon Banpei...and you know what that means..."
"I don't have to answer you! How the hell do you expect me to know if it's enough or not? You're just a kid...you've never been in love the way Belldandy is in love with me! In fact...I'm not going to play these games with you anymore!" Keiichi yelled as he stood up and backed away.
"BANPEI!" Skuld shouted between cupped hands.
Keiichi watched with an almost detached perspective as Banpei and Mini-Banpei whirred around the opposite corners of the house and herded him back to where he had been sitting in front of Skuld. Any time he tried to walk around the mechas, Banpei would block his way with that long steel pole he carried for warding attackers and mini-Banpei would simply roll in front of him.
"Skuld, stop this right now!" Keiichi said in a commanding voice.
"Or what? You'll go running to Belldandy, whining and complaining? Then you'll do...that disgusting thing so you both can escape from reality? Will that reassure you that you love my sister enough?"
"You brat! You're...impossible!"
"Why don't you be a man and stand up for yourself? You're such a pushover, Keiichi. You're indecisive and selfish..."
"STOP IT!" Keiichi screamed as he picked up a pipewrench from his toolkit and raised it over his head. Blinded with rage, all he could think about was hitting Skuld over the head with it. Something snapped inside of him, popping him out of his mounting rage. He looked up at the wrench he was holding and instead he hurled it with both hands halfway across the compound. Falling to his knees, he realized that he was hyperventilating. He tried to slow his breathing down to reduce his light-headedness.
"Well, this is it...I've finally pissed off Skuld enough that she'll never talk to me. I can't believe that I was actually thinking of braining her with that wrench! Am I going insane?" he worried, the sunstruck sandstones in the driveway wavering in the hot afternoon sun.
He looked up to see Skuld staring at him with tears forming in the corners of her eyes. He raised an eyebrow in surprise at her sudden change in mood. His surprise deepened when unexpectedly, she leapt forward and grabbed him in a tight hug.
"A moment earlier, she's a total tigress and now she's a kitten," he thought as she clung onto him. Skuld looked up at him with warmth in her eyes.
"Oh, Keiichi. I'm *so* sorry! You really do love my sister!"
"Duh!" Keiichi thought.
"Skuld, what do you think we've been doing the past three and a half years? Wake up and smell the coffee!" he said in a lecturing voice.
"I don't drink coffee, you baka! Keiichi, I *had* to know for sure. I love my sister enough that I would get mad if anything threatened my love for her. I wanted to see if you loved her enough to get mad at me. That way, I could tell whether or not you love her as much as I do. I saw it in your eyes, just for a moment...you were actually planning to hit me with that wrench. Then, I knew that you *really* love my sister." She giggled and added, "You should have seen your face! Ha hehee!"
Keiichi was torn between a deep desire to chastise Skuld and a sense of respect. On one hand, she had risked herself to try and find out just how much he loved Bell-chan. On the other hand, this was another one of her ridiculous childish stunts.
"I think you need to have a talk with your older sister, Skuld. That wasn't exactly the best way to go about trying to find out how I feel about Belldandy," he commented dryly. Skuld looked at him with a mournful expression.
"But I didn't know any other way! You said I was a kid...so let me be a kid once in a while! So I made a mistake! But I have to learn somehow!" Then she held her hand forth and bowed in front of him in apology. Keiichi felt the rest of his ire soak away when he saw the sincere regret and confusion in Skuld's eyes. He patted her on the head gently, then hugged her.
"You're not a kid...you're a maniac. You know that? Don't you try pulling something like that with anybody else, you hear?"
"Nope. I've learned my lesson. I'll wait until I have a boyfriend of my own, then I'll do it to him!"
Keiichi could only shake his head. His emotions were fried from this short but intense interchange with Skuld. She picked up a ratchet and twirled it.
"Hey, don't you have an engine to remount?" she teased. "Lemme help!"

* * * * * * * *

It was supposed to be over two weeks ago. I was feeling like Luther at the council at Worms. Dr. Zhao had confided in my that everyone on my dissertation committee had volunteered to spend as much time as needed to examine my work, because of its novelty. So they were far more invested in this than I could ever imagine. As each day of discussions, dialogues, intellectual bantering and heat-seeking missile interrogations went by, I began to fear that it would *never* end.
Before I entered the auditorium, Lin came up and gave me a good-luck kiss on the cheek. She had been such a good friend since I arrived at BeiDa. There were many nights where we would just sit and talk about our lives. I was really going to miss her.
"You know that means we have to get married," I joked with her about the friendly kiss. A few decades ago, this would have certainly been true...
"Not a chance!" Lin snapped back. "You've already got someone. By the way, where is she?"
Lin had asked after Urd every morning before I entered the auditorium. All I could tell was that I didn't know; this was less of a lie than fabricating some excuse.
All morning, I stole brief glances around the building, looking for Urd. But my newly-found heart friend was still absent. I seated myself at the wooden desk after a quick break for lunch and prepared myself for another onslaught of questions. I wondered if this would be like the swimming of the English Channel: the most difficult part of the swim being the last mile...when one is most susceptible to fatigue.
Dr. Terasawa fired off a series of criticisms about the methodology that I employed which I called aquantum metastasis. This concept was one of a series of 'dimensionalities' that comprised my proposed codification of thought. Basically, each symbol or attribute that I identified had to formulate as an actualization...as the actual thought or thought matrix...otherwise the symbol itself would be irreconcilable with the thought it represented and thus the entire system would be worthless. I finally asked Dr. Terasawa to summarize his arguments. He did, then I located the sequence of thoughts on the matrix and asked him to review them. With a look of astonishment, he told me that by reading them, he had just mentally reiterated his argument. I suggested to him that the function of aquantum metastasis was akin to the notion of syntax...one could see a word and obtain a definition or feeling. But because of the aquantum properties, there was no vacillation in apprehension, and metastasis ensured that each thought-form would be able to join with another. He looked at me with an expression that said, "I'm blown away!"

* * * * * * * *

Each night, I came home to an empty dorm room. My roommate was spending time at his girlfriend's house, leaving me the whole room. I couldn't find any sign of Urd.
For the past several days, I was feeling grueled to death. Question after question spilled out of the committee, each one a potential thorn in the balloon of my research. At least the sessions weren't going past 8pm. But I was feeling like my wits were being released from their habitude. My metallect had also sparked itself at various times, completely out of my control.
Early fall was coming to Beijing; I felt a cool breeze flowing into my room through the open windows.
"Where is she?" I addressed the unseeing wind.

* * * * * * * *

Two days later, the only non-academic committee member conceded that she could find no fault with my research. Abbess Omao was the foremost exponent of the Kyoto school of Zen philosophy, despite being ostracized by the National Buddhist Association. She was the transmission bearer of the Kataku Jinne lineage, and the Abbess of the Butsudankyoniji Zen nunnery. She was the only non-academician on the committee; I had no idea how Dr. Zhao had found her. Since she was outside the academic tradition, she could concentrate on the more obtuse and overt spiritual principles. She had bigger fish to fry than simply the defense of a branch of science or philosophy. I had seamlessly blended Heidegger, Kyoto Zen and a wealth of existential metaphysics into one package. She smiled beatifically at me when she finished; I was reminded that she was not ego-invested in her efforts. She just wanted to experience a form of truth.
This only left the two stubborn psychometricians from Germany and the US, and a cultural geologist from Cairo. I knew that, in the case of the statisticians, they would rest their arguments only when they exhausted all means of proving the Null Hypothesis. My defense had turned into an offense, as they were entrenched in an apologist position...because they could no longer challenge the Progressive Hypothesis that I had outlined.
Sleep. Defense. Sleep. Defense.
Where was Urd?

* * * * * * * *

"I resign my challenge," the German psychometrician announced. Then he looked at me, pulled off his reading glasses, and offered me a smile.
"Congratulations," he said. I thanked him profusely in German. The guy was in his 80s, had studied under Jung, had *taught* Milton Erikson, and had corresponded with Albert Einstein. He had come out of retirement to fly here and participate on my committee. Any thanks on my part seemed grossly inadequate...
Dr. Zhao was looking at me with an almost fatherly pride. I remembered his tale of how both of his sons had perished in the insanity of the Cultural Revolution...they were relocated to a cadre that was smelting metals in the countryside, and then were killed when the poorly designed and hastily constructed foundry exploded. He had been through so much in the past forty years; purges, political confusion, death threats, censorship and vigorous intellectual harassment. I was glad that I could offer him something to take vicarious pleasure in. It brought a tear to my heart to see him like this.
To a standing ovation, Dr. Zhao pronounced that I had successfully completed my candidacy for the Ph.D. The committee of fourteen men and women who had been so vigorous in their criticisms of my research were now of a different heart. Warm handshakes and accolades followed. It was all too much. It struck me when Dr. Zhao actually hugged me warmly.
I had earned my doctorate!
Dr. Terasawa bowed to me and offered his handshake. It was my turn to be blown away when he told me that I should start work on my Nobel acceptance speech. I must have looked at him with an expression of disbelief, because he told me that he was in total earnest. Abbess Omao blessed me with a benign smile and a prayer...I replied with a deep bow and quote from the Heart Sutra.
The whole thing reminded me of a victory celebration. These old geezers had transformed into the most youthful bunch I had ever seen, already passing the champagne glasses around. They seemed to have been animated by the whole process of my dissertation defense. Dr. Zhao announced that he was organizing a dinner on my behalf for this evening. I felt my shy nature ascend to the fore...any celebration on my behalf would cause me to be extremely intimidated. When I graduated with my undergrad degree, I only invited four friends, because I couldn't handle a big party. But now, I couldn't excuse myself out of being the center of attention. I was just a normal guy who had worked his ass off through ten years of college, despite the depression and the trials of recovering from active drug use. Dr. Zhao tapped me on my shoulder and pointed past me.
I turned around and I saw her.
Urd was standing next to my desk; Lin was standing next to her with a big smile.
I had concentrated so intensely on the last six hours of debate that I had not even once looked into the audience.
"Urd, I'm sorry I didn't see you..." I stammered in apology.
She held a finger up to her lips to silence me. She was right, I *should* shut up or at least shut away the feelings of guilt I had. She set a rose and a card down on the table where I had endured three weeks of 'star chamber' type grilling. I smelled the rose, then opened up the card.

"I'm so proud of you. Urd"

I kept my back turned to the rest of the professors on the other side of the room so they wouldn't see the tears cascading down my face.
"I told her about a Chinese legend of love. In the past, man and woman couldn't touch...so when one wished to 'touch' the other, they did it indirectly. When a woman wants to show love, she places a love-gift on the table for her man. That way, she can 'touch' her man," Lin explained, visibly moved by my reaction.
"Love: giving and receiving hearts forever," I replied with the colloquial definition of the character "ai", before my hand came to my face. I was at a total loss...I was totally overwhelmed by emotions of joy and gratitude. Urd had taken our 'no touch' situation and turned it--with Lin's help--into one of the most memorable romantic moments of my life. I felt like Kami-sama Himself had winked at me in approval and encouragement.
Maybe I was going to make it.

* * * * * * * *