Ai No Kusabi Fan Fiction ❯ Falling Into the Darkness ❯ My Immortal ( Chapter 4 )

My Immortal…

Riki, my love, I want us to try again. I want us to become pairing partners like we used to be. You know I don't care what you did while you were away. I don't even really care who you were with, for that matter. All I care about is that you're here with me now. The Blondie doesn't ever have to affect us if we don't let him.

Will you at least think about it?

The three years you were away were difficult ones for me. The first few months, I kept thinking each day was the one in which you were coming back. My dreams were filled with moments of us together. The dreams seemed so real; I could even feel your hands tangling in my hair as you'd draw me in for one last hard kiss as you spent yourself in me. Of course, in that last burst of pleasure, I would invariably awaken, alone, in a cold bed.

I would curse myself for not being all you needed. I often wondered where you went…why you left, and with whom…you always seemed as content as anyone else in Ceres. I thought I pleased you enough that we'd always be together.

When Bison heard nothing from you for so long, the leadership naturally shifted to me since I had been your partner. The jobs were enough to sustain us, but it was never like it had been with you in charge. Whenever I would mention you, though, and how you would've done something differently, the guys began to get derisive, saying that it mattered not how you would have handled the situation. You left us. That meant you no longer cared.

Still I held out hope that you'd return. Leaving without a word wasn't your style. I knew that…I knew you'd return to Bison. I knew you'd return to me.

My heart soared the night you came blazing through that line of cops in order to draw their attention away from us. The expression on your face was enough to let me know you weren't displeased to see us, either.

Three years, though, without a word, was a long time to be away from your comrades. I know now that you had ways to communicate with us. Yes, I know you worried about what the Blondie would have done. Yes, I know you may have been punished when he discovered you trying to let us know where you were. Did you not think we'd have *razed* Tanagura to the ground to rescue you? If the rest of Bison wouldn't have, I'd have taken it upon myself to do so. We shared so much… I *loved* you so much… How could I not do everything in my power to bring you back to me?

Even now, it's as if you're still gone from me. You go through the motions, but I can see your heart is not in it. Not during the jobs we do together, and not in the time we are alone…it's as though your thoughts are elsewhere. What was so bad that you can't tell me?

Or is it simply a case of wanting to return to the good life you had there? Do we not satisfy you? I know that Ceres isn't the rest of Midas, but we have good times together, don't we? I never thought I would ever have to tell you how much I don't want to lose you. I thought you would always know.

You argue that you understand my feelings, but I don't see how that can be true. I agonized constantly over how empty my life became away from the light of your love. Even now, I am only a shell living in my memories.

Do you remember how, every morning when I would splash my face, you would always be behind me when I raised my head? I would look into the mirror and see your smiling reflection. The sensation of your work-roughened fingertips brushing my neck as you gathered my hair back into its band for the day, always leaving a gentle kiss on my skin when you released my hair, still lingers in my thoughts. Thoughts such as those even now make me shiver in anticipation of greater things to come. Now, however, it's almost as if my memories are all that's left.

It's the Blondie, isn't it? Your thoughts linger on him. I've heard about the Blondies. You know we all heard the stories of how they spend their energy watching, as thought they are less than men. If they are no better than the Furniture that oversees the household Pets, what could draw you to them so intensely?

Is it *Power*? You had that here...loyal men who answered your every beck and call, and would gladly replace me if you would but give the word. They wouldn't say so in front of me, but I've seen their glances. Many of them hunger for more than merely your leadership. As much as I would hate the idea, I would grudgingly step aside if you would only come back completely to us. Instead, your allegiance is divided between those who have loved you and those who put you under their yoke.

What must I do? I am at my wits' end trying to please you.

So that's it? Your Blondie *is* a man, is he? He learned the ways of the Pets and discovered how to pleasure you? Even given your time together, I doubt there is much we hadn't explored that could make him so superior.

I don't understand how you could let him touch you. He is everything we have always stood against, and yet you let him drive himself into you whenever he felt the urge. I would have killed myself first.

The slap doesn't change a thing, Riki…not a thing. The Blondie is still just using you. We'll figure out how to keep him away from you. We've cried together…we've fought together. While it's true this is a bigger obstacle than we've ever had to face, we can overcome the taint he has given you.

You seem hesitant. You love him now, don't you? You say not, but Riki, I know you're not with me. You have me, my love, but your thoughts are back with him, in your captivity. I see. You wear his Pet Ring yet again. You claim that by refusing him, he would have broken more than our reputations. I don't care about my reputation. I care about you.

If you want him so badly, I wish you'd just go back to him then. I don't need your pity, and I don't want you here if you only think of Iason while you're with me. I deserve more than that. I've given you better than that.

I'll get you back, Riki…whatever it takes. If you believe in me or not, it makes no difference. I know that I'll be your one and only yet again. No matter what you do…even when you're not with me, you have me. That will never change. You are my immortal love, and I want to be yours yet again.

So you go back to that Blondie, and good riddance for now. Just keep this in mind, though…one night while you are under him, screaming out his name, I will be there to bring you home.

Even if it kills me, you can count on it.