Ai No Kusabi Fan Fiction ❯ Remember ❯ Riki Remembers ( Chapter 2 )

 

Chapter 2 - Riki Remembers

 

I bumped into him today, I had planned it for almost a year before I got up the nerve to actually do it. I didn't want to endanger the others so I had to plan it so that if I was caught it would appear that I was alone. I remember that when I looked up into his face for a second I thought he remembered me but he didn't, his eyes were the eyes of a stranger and I was just a clumsy citizen in the crowd who accidentally stumbled into him. Into his sweet hard body. Ah God! He smelled so good and his hair was as soft and good smelling as I remembered.

 

It made me weak in the knees to touch my body to his for just that instant, so sweet, so forbidden. I knew that I would never do it again. The risk was too great for both of us and for my friends, the ones who cared whether I lived or died when all I wanted to do was die. It was a daily agony to know that Iason was only a block away but at the same time a mind wipe away from the memory of our love. And so I did it, I bumped into him, I just needed it that one time. That is what I told myself anyway. When he looked at me as if there had never been anything between us I stole his wallet, the one I had given him the first Christmas we spent together.

 

Then I still didn't realize just how powerful he was. He had no need of a wallet to carry money or his ID but he kept it and even started carrying it with pictures of me and of he and I together. I remember how happy I was that he wanted to carry my picture. I didn't get to take mine of him when I was carried unconscious from the apartment and I remember that I didn't get to tell him how much I love him. God! that will always hurt, I will regret it to my dying day.

 

I often wondered why I found it so hard to say that easy phrase, “I love you Iason.” But I never did and now I regret it so much. Even on that last day, when everything was going crazy, even though time seemed to slow down and I could see it all happening so clearly, I couldn't manage to tell him that I loved him with all my being. Then he smashed me in the jaw and the opportunity was lost forever.

 

I remember …

 

When I awoke in the new apartment that was actually mine after they stopped drugging me, I yearned for him everyday and cursed him for the imperious Blondie he was that he had made the decision to save just me from Jupiter's fury without discussing it with me. And what hurt even more was that he set me free when I no longer wanted to be free of him.

 

But I guess he knew me too well, he knew that I would never agree to let him face Jupiter alone. When we made the escape plans it was an unspoken fact in my mind that he would be coming into that safe house with the rest of us. I was the only one who didn't know that he would remain behind to face that computer bitch alone.

 

When it was done, when Katze finally stopped administering that sedative and antidepressant it was too late for me to protest. Iason had been partially mind wiped by then. I was no longer his darling Pet, I was finally free but at what price? He would never remember me or know what we were to each other. We would never touch again.

 

I still remembered everything and that first year sometimes I wished that I didn't remember either. There were times when I thought he was the lucky one. I would never forget him, I would never be happy again. After that first year even though I finally resigned myself as best I could, I still missed him with all my heart.

 

I remember…

 

Weeks after I bumped into him I made the decision to call his private line just to hear his voice. I should have known that touching him would never be enough for me. When he picked up I didn't say anything and after savoring the sound of his voice I hung up quickly so that the call couldn't be traced by Jupiter if the line wasn't secure. I wasn't sure if the phone was monitored or if it was still a safe, private, secure phone but I needed to hear his voice.

 

I dared to make that call three times that year after I bumped into him. He would answer and when I didn't say anything he would demand to know who was calling his private, secure line and ask with a snarl in his voice how I got the number and threaten to have me arrested if I called the number again. When he said the line was still secure and private I had a moment's hope that he was trying to tell me that it was safe for us to talk but he never said anything personal, never asked if it was me. I was almost as depressed a day or so after those calls as I was before making them but hearing his voice, Oh God at first it made my heart swell with happiness, I loved hearing his voice.

 

Months later I would give in to the urge to call him again. I was addicted to hearing his voice as if it was the illegal drug Lysom and I was a Ly druggie. Ly could kill you if used too often so just as if I really was using a dangerous drug I kept my calls only to a couple that first year. The second year I actually spoke to him once. Using an electronic voice modulator, I told him that I was a long time admirer of his and that I just wanted him to know that I loved and admired him as the greatest Blondie of our time. Then I hung up, it was the best I could do to rectify my mistake of never telling him when we were together that I loved him with all my heart.

 

I remember…

 

It really didn't do any good, I still grieved that I never told him face to face that he was my love and my life. I longed for him so much that it physically hurt. I didn't know until then that love could do such a thing, make your insides ache so much that all you wanted to do was curl up and die. Even with the company of Adam, my double turned Furniture and the daily visits by Katze and Daryl I was so lonely, so lonely I could die.