Alice In Wonderland Fan Fiction ❯ The Hatter and the Scotsman ❯ Alice Finds More Than she Expected ( Chapter 1 )

[ Y - Young Adult: Not suitable for readers under 16 ]

The Hatter and the Scotsman

Alice crept down to the Red Queen’s dungeons, forcing herself to ignore the moans and pleas coming from behind cell doors. She found two guards in front in front of a cell in the back. They were the seven and four of hearts and stood at attention even though there were no superiors present.

“Where is the Mad Hatter?” she asked. She hated using the word mad to describe him, but it was how he was known here, and she had to admit the moniker fit him.

“He’s in here,” Four said, “but we can’t let you in to see him. He’s to have no visitors – Queen’s orders.”

“The Queen sent me herself.”

The guards glanced at each other. “She is the Queen’s favorite,” four said.

“Yes, and you’d better let me in, or the Queen will be very unhappy. People tend to lose their heads when she’s unhappy.”

Seven leaned closer to her. He snapped back to attention. “Yes, ma’am. We wouldn’t be stopping you.”

He turned to four. “Let her in.”

“But –“

“It’s important. I’ll explain why later. Just let her in.”

Four opened the door, and she squinted into the darkness. She could hear the guards whispering behind her.

“Are you sure?” Four asked.

“She’s the one the hound described. I made sure I’d remember.”

Alice knew she’d been recognized, and she briefly considered fleeing, but then she heard the soft rattle of chains in front of her. A low familiar mumble filled the air. She couldn’t leave him here to rot, and if they knew who she was there
wasn’t any escape route anyway. She might as well see to her friend.

“Hatter?” she asked, allowing her eyes to adjust to the darkness. She could barely make out a dim shape against the far wall.

“Alice? You can’t be here. You’re at the White Queen’s castle. Naughty shadow, playing tricks on me like that.”

His eyes changed to a hard look, and with a thick Scottish brogue he added, “you should be safely away, you daft twit. You’re endangering us all.”

She sat down next to him on the cold stone floor. She could see more clearly now, and she was relieved to see there weren’t any obvious signs of mistreatment.

“Are you ok?” she asked. “Did they do anything to you?”

“No,” he said in his normal voice. “Stayne came, but he doesn’t have much a heart for torture. He mostly strutted about and yelled like a great giraffe.”

Alice smiled. “Hatter, giraffes are mutes.”

He looked confused. “Alice, I don’t know what’s going to happen here. It’s going to be terribly horrible though. You must go to the White Queen.”

His voice was brave, but she could see the fear in his eyes. She put her arms around him and held him. He hesitated, but then he wrapped his arms around her as well, and they sat in silence. Later he would probably be in chains, but now he was free to hold her.

“It’s ok to be afraid,” she said. “If this wasn’t a dream, I’d be terribly afraid myself.”

“Do you have any idea why a raven is like a writing desk?”

“I’m still thinking about it,” she said. She laid her head on his shoulder.

The one she thought of as the Scotsman spoke. “While I enjoy being held by a bonnie lass, you have other things to do now.”

She reluctantly stood and brushed off her curtain-dress. “You’re right, but I won’t leave you here. When I leave, we're both going.”

He stood and touched her cheek. “Daft girl,” he growled. She was surprised when he kissed her. She couldn’t have imagined the Scotsman having such human emotions.

“Alice, I respect your spirit, but at times I have grave doubts about your intelligence. Go to the White Queen!”

The Hatter took control again. “Fairfarren, Alice,” he said.

Alice opened the door, wondering how she was going to deal with the guards. She tried to pass, but Seven grabbed her elbow and turned her so she was facing him.

“Downal with Bluddy Behg Hid,” he whispered, and Four nodded agreement.

Alice had learned to expect the unexpected in Underland. “Take care of the Hatter,” she said. “I’ll be back for him after I get the vorpal sword.”

“Yes Miss Alice,” Seven said. “Our hopes go with you. A lot of us here don’t want to serve the Red Queen, but she holds our families hostage with the Jabberwocky and the Jub-jub bird.”

After she left, Seven and Four heard muttering from the Hatter’s cell. At first they couldn’t tell what he was saying, but his speech grew stronger and faster. “I can’t believe I kissed her,” he said. “or that you kissed her, or we kissed her. It was a nice kiss, a good kiss, a right proper lovely kiss.” His voice sped up until they couldn’t understand him anymore and then he lapsed into silence.

Without a friend to pull him back from the fit, the Hatter pulled far into his mind until only he and the Scotsman were present. He had no idea what was going on around him, and he didn’t care. For the time being, his world was a dark room inhabited only by the two versions of himself.

“What possessed you to do that?” the Hatter asked. “She won’t like me anymore now. You’ve gone and frightened her.”

“You don’t know anything about women, Hatter,” the Scotsman said. “She wanted that kiss as much as I did. It’s not that important. We’ll most likely die very soon.”

“Aye,” the Hatter said. He reflected on the situation. “It was a very nice kiss though.”

“That it was,” the Scotsman said. “If she learns how to slay, there may be other kisses if we’re lucky.”

“Do you have any idea why a raven is like a writing desk?” the Hatter asked.

“You’re bloody insane,” the Scotsman replied and turned his back on the Hatter. He couldn’t block out the Hatter’s mad laughter though.

When Four entered to bring him a meager dinner, he found the Hatter leaning against the wall with a blank look. He was drooling a bit. Four put his dinner on the floor and waved his hand in front of the Hatter’s face, with no response.

When he left he told Seven. “Something’s wrong with him. I think he might be doing one of those hunger strikes I’ve heard tell of.”

“That won’t do,” Four said. He entered the cell and tried to reason with the Hatter, but he got no response. As he was about to leave he patted the Hatter on the shoulder. “Downal with Bluddy Behg Hid,” he said to comfort the prisoner.

It was the only thing besides the voice of a friend that could have roused the Hatter from his trance. “Downal with Bluddy Behg Hid,” he said hoarsely.

“Here then, are you ok?” Four asked.

“I’m fine,” the Hatter said, but he was lying. He was exhausted and confused. Visions of Alice were mixed with memories of his time at the White Queen’s court and the important question of ravens and writing desks. He lay down on dirty stone, hoping to get a bit of rest before the next stage of his situation unfolded.

When he was brought before the Queen in chains, Alice had to stop herself from crying out at the unjustness of the situation. He faced the Red Queen with bravado and wit, and Alice was proud of him. It was easy for the Scotsman to be brave; bravery and protection were all Hightop had created him for. The Hatter on the other hand was brave by choice, but Alice hoped that cheeky tongue of his didn’t get him killed. Underland would be very empty without him.

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After the Red Queen and Stayne were dragged away, the Hatter asked her to stay. She was tempted. “There are questions I have to answer, things I have to do. Be back again before you know it.”

She didn’t understand why he thought she’d forget him. She could never forget him.

“Fairfarrn, Alice,” he whispered, and then Underland faded away.

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As she returned home from her first merchant voyage, she knew her father was proud of her in heaven. She’d taken his vision and stretched it to the fullest. The name Kingsley was respected around the world, and she’d amassed a vast personal fortune through her fearless venture.

Alice made her preparations to return to Underland impatiently. She alternately remembered the sweet smile and silly questions of the Hatter, and the impatient kiss of the Scotsman. Both drew her back to the insane world she craved.
She made up a will that left everything to her mother in the event of her disappearance, and went to the hole. As she stepped through the door, she ate the cake and grew again. She was happy to see that matters had visibly improved since she’d been here a few years ago. There was a hard dirt lane now, with the underbrush trimmed away and the trees properly pruned. It looked like a good English estate now, and she moved toward the tea party with anticipation.

She was disappointed to see that the table was gone, as well as the windmill. In their place was a large statue of a teapot, with a brass sign attached that read, “here did Alice and Lord Hightop and associates congregate to conspire to bring the White Queen back into power. Long live the White Queen.”

She was glad the Hatter had been recognized for his devotion, but she wished Mallyumkin, McTwisp, and the March Hare had gotten the attention they deserved. They weren’t the types to want the spotlight though.

She looked about the glade, and felt that something very special had been lost here. She turned toward the White Queen’s castle and began the long walk there. She hoped he was still employed at court, but considering the Queen’s fondness for him she was sure he was still there.

She felt a doubt for the first time. What if the White Queen had taken him as her own lover? She hadn’t imagined him taking anyone but herself, but the idea nagged at her mind now. She hurried toward the White Castle, both afraid and excited about what she might find.

When she arrived, all the inhabitants of the White Castle that she met wanted to greet her. She tried to patiently speak with all of her friends, and it was a good hour before she was able to track down the Hatter. She found him in a large room working frantically at his sewing machine. In his excitement over his work, he was oblivious to her presence.

“I’m back,” she said.

He looked up from his sewing machine, eyes wide with surprise. That special gap-toothed smile met her. “Alice,” he said. “You’re very late for tea, naughty girl.” He leapt up from the machine, scattering pins, fabric and ribbon bits and other pieces of his trade. He ran to her.

It was the Hatter who greeted her, but it was the Scotsman who kissed her. They had both waited too long for this kiss, and they didn’t let Alice go until Mallyumkin burst into the room yelling, “Hatter, Alice is back!”

Mallyumkin noticed their embrace and turned away. “Hatter you dog,” he said, and left.

Alice patted her hair where the Scotsman had mussed it. “So. Um, it’s good to be back.” She really didn’t know where to go from here.

“Yes,” the Hatter said. “It’s good to see you again.” He cleared his throat and blushed.
Alice took his hand, “I missed you most of all.” Before she could lose her nerve she gave him a quick kiss on the lips.

They left together to meet the curious citizens of Underland. The White Castle was full of people who’d come from the surrounding areas to thank Alice for freeing them from the Red Queen’s tyranny. She took the rest of the day meeting people and talking with them. Two guards wearing the White Queens uniforms approached, large men with hunched backs.

“Begging your pardon, Miss Alice, but we were wondering if you might be remembering us. We guarded the Hatter when he was in the dungeon.”

“Four and Seven!” she said. “Of course I remember you. Seven, you were the first to drop your weapons when the Red Queen ordered me killed after the battle.”

He smiled widely and nudged his brother. “See? Told you she’d remember.”

“Are there a lot of her guards here?” Alice asked.

“A fair many,” Four replied. “No one wanted to serve her, not even her court. She trapped us, but we serve the White Queen by choice.”

“Where is the White Queen?” Alice asked. “I’m surprised I haven’t seen her yet.”

“She’s in South Underland,” the Hatter said. “The Lily Tribe of flowers never really gave their allegiance to any Queen, and she’s negotiating with them. They want fertilizer and might give nectar to the Queen in return.”

The Hatter stayed near Alice for the rest of the day, and he never took his eyes off her. She kept trying to get away from the crowd to be alone with him, but everyone claimed her time. The Tweedles pulled her in opposite directions, arguing over who was going to give her a tour of the Castle.

“She’s been here before,” Dum said. “I’m the oldest by four minutes, so I get to go first.”

“Contrariwise, she’s only seen part of the castle so she’s only been partly here. I’m the youngest by four minutes, so I should show her because I’ve seen less of the world.”

“That makes very little sense,” Alice said, “even for Underland. Why don’t you both show me the Castle, but another time?”

They pulled her around the Castle despite her protests. The March Hare cooked dinner, as usual. Despite the carnage involved in the meal’s preparation, it was excellent.

Mallyumkin watched the Hatter and Alice from across the table. No one else seemed to notice their newfound closeness. As dinner wound down and the Queen’s court retired, the Hatter reached for her hand under the table.

“I’ve got some marvelous new hats I’d love to show you. I’ve been able to hat the Queen’s entire court for years now. It’s wonderful.”

“I’d love to see them,” she said. They made their way to his apartments, but were stopped by occasional well-wishers. When they reached his workroom, he chattered happily as he cleaned the mess he’d made when he saw Alice.

As he was retrieving a set of glass-topped pins he said, “I never got to make you a hat though. I’ll make one especially for you.”

She saw a shelf of small hats he had made for the White Queen. “They’re all lovely. I’d like my own hat very much.”
He studied her face carefully and took a bit of her hair in his hand. He was the Hatter completely now, absorbed in his trade.

“Light blue would be perfect, just like that dress I made for you last time you were here. There should be a tea rose off-center. You’re going to be so much easier to hat than the Queen. Her head’s so tiny. Your head is exactly the right size for all the best hats.”

As he was speaking, he turned her head so that he could see it from different angles. He turned her face toward him so he could see how low her brow-line reached, and he found himself looking into her eyes.

“A right proper Alice size. Fez,” he muttered.

This time the Hatter kissed her, and it was gentle and searching on his part, completely unlike the Scotsman’s kiss. Then she saw that intensity return to his eyes that meant the Hatter had retreated into his own mind for a time.

“Are you sure about this?” the Scotsman asked.

“Oh yes. I’ll been thinking about you since I left Underland.”

“And I you lass,” he said, and pulled at the bow on the back of her dress.

Alice grabbed at her loosened dress to hold it up and glanced at the door. “Not here! Someone might come in.”
He pulled her toward a door in the back, trying to kiss and guide her at the same time. They entered a garishly designed bedroom that reminded her of the way he dressed – all patches and mismatched colors. She didn’t have much time to look at her surroundings though, as the Scotsman was impatiently helping her out of her clothes while kissing her neck.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxThe Hatter raged, trapped in his
own mind. “Bloody rude!” he yelled, hoping the Scotsman could hear him. The bastard had shoved him inside a room with a locked door. He had even made it a padded room, just to add insult to the situation. He wouldn’t even let him have just a few minutes alone with Alice. He had discovered her, and gave her tea, and made her smile, not the Scotsman. That kilted snukum juggler only came around when there was fighting to be done. It wasn’t fair; he wanted to kiss Alice.

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Of course the Scotsman was doing much more than just kissing Alice. He touched her body and kissed her in ways that had her moaning with pleasure before he even entered her. Alice let the world slide away and abandoned herself to the new sensations he brought her. This was amazing, as if the whole world was distilled into this one experience. This wasn’t her first time, but that experiment with Hamish when they were 14 didn’t count, not really.

He still had that intense expression to his face, but Alice realized instead of anger, she was seeing raw passion. He was passionate about everything he did, and he made love to her as if it was the most important thing he’d ever done.
Her climax was powerful and unexpected. “I love you,” she said after she caught her breath.

“I’ve loved you since you lifted your sword against the Jabberwocky,” he said.

She lay awake long after she heard him snoring, thinking about this strange new life she’d chosen. She finally slept and dreamt of tea parties and the Hatter.

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The Hatter woke up looking at the picture the White Queen had given him. It was all shapes in varying shades of white, so it wasn’t terribly interesting. It had been the Queen’s gift though, so he had put it on the wall and surrounded it with vibrant purple and orange fabric.

He stretched and thought out his schedule. He needed to finish the Queen’s new hat, and then he was going to teach the Red Queen’s frog butlers a scathingly funny song about the Red Queen. They were going to sing it for the White Queen on her return. Alice must be somewhere around the castle, and he would find her. Perhaps he could sneak another kiss or two.
That’s odd, he thought. He didn’t usually sleep nude. Now that he thought about it, he didn’t remember going to bed at all. He had been kissing Alice, and then the Scotsman pushed him inside his mind so rudely. He was going to have a long talk with his head-mate about the etiquette of sharing a mind.

His thoughts were interrupted by a small hand stealing around his waist. A body pressed against his back – a decidedly female body. Wait - a decidedly nude female body.

He gasped. “What happened last night?” he asked.

He felt her stretch behind him, causing a hardness he felt was ill timed. “I know,” she said. “I feel the same way. I don’t understand it myself, but it was wonderful.”

She kissed his neck lightly. “You’re wonderful,” she whispered. She reached down and touched him. Sparks shot through his mind, and he found himself babbling.

“Hatter,” she said.

He pulled himself to the surface of his mind again. “I’m fine,” he said.

“Are you?” she asked. She sounded concerned.

He rolled over so he could look at her. He was a modest man, and he pulled the sheets close to him out an antiquated sense of decency. Alice, however, hadn’t bothered with such formalities. She was covered from the waist down in purple silk sheets, but above that was an expanse of curves and skin that brought out desires he had only ever associated with Alice. He wanted to move the sheets so that he could view her fully, but he was too shy and settled for putting his arm around her waist. The small of her back was smooth and cool, and he wanted to touch her in other places, but he was suddenly embarrassed. He had been around when the Scotsman had laid the various women that found him irresistible, but he hadn’t been interested. He was usually more concerned with hat making and deposing the Red Queen. He could vaguely remember when they had both been Tarrant Hightop, before the Red Queen finally shattered his mind into bits. Tarrant had a wife before the Hightop clan was massacred, and the Hatter could partly remember cold nights and warm bodies.

“I think I understand,” she said. “You weren’t really here last night, were you? It was just the Scotsman, wasn’t it? I didn’t hear your voice.”

He tried to think of the right thing to say. His mind was so cloudy sometimes. “I’m here now.”

She touched his face. “You are, aren’t you? Maybe I’m greedy, but I want all of you, the Scotsman and the Hatter.”

She moved his hand up to rest on her breast. He felt his heart beat wildly as his hand moved. When he touched her nipple, she closed her eyes and sighed. That was a good thing; he was sure. He’d never seen that look of contentment on her face before.

And then he realized – he was making her happy, just him, and no one else did this for her – just him. Oh, maybe the Scotsman made her feel good last night, but the Hatter couldn’t imagine that selfish man doing a very good job of it. He was giving his Alice something only he could give.

She surprised him again by climbing on top. He let her take over, as she seemed to know what she was doing and he was still very new at this. A short time later – far too short - she crawled off and lay curled in his arms. He hoped she wasn’t disappointed, but he’d heard virgins didn’t last very long the first few times. He was sure he’d get better at it with more practice.

“About time,” he heard the Scotsman say in his head. “I really thought you were gay. That wasn’t worth much, but at least you finally got around to it.”

“A gentleman doesn’t kiss and tell,” the Hatter said. “And while we’re talking, that was very rude last night, shoving me into my own mind.”

“I wanted some time with her alone. The last thing I needed was you breaking in babbling about writing desks or some such nonsense.”

They agreed to allow each other equal time with Alice. Hatter hoped it would work out, but he doubted it would be that easy.

He awoke to the sound of banging on his door. “Hatter, come on!” Mallyumkin yelled from his work room. “The frogs are waiting, and the Queen will be here tomorrow. They need to practice.”

He carefully got out of bed, making sure not to wake Alice, and went to teach the frogs. They had a wonderfully deep, croaky voice that only frogs can achieve, and he was sure the White Queen would just love them.

He waved his baton in the air. “Alright, and a-one, and a-two, and a…hey, don’t eat flies in practice!”

Oh, Underland doesn’t want her.
Outland doesn’t want her.
Stayne doesn’t even want her.
Nobody wants the Bloody Big Head.

The song went on for several more verses like this, detailing the journey of the Red Queen through the Outlands until she finally tried to take shelter from a storm under her own massive head, crying as she realized how foolish she was and what a wise sister she had scorned. The Hatter was pleased. They should be ready by tomorrow.

That night he went to the jewelers to look at engagement rings. He shoved the Scotsman deep into his mind before he left the castle. Serves him right, the Hatter thought. He picked out a large diamond ring and went home, trying to think how to ask her to marry him.

He wasn’t around that night; the Scotsman reminded him that he was with Alice last, and it was his turn. He grudgingly retreated into darkness, hoping the burly warrior didn’t ruin things for him. The Scotsman didn’t let him out until early morning, when he woke up with Alice in his arms.

“That was amazing,” she said. She stretched and got out of bed, throwing on his robe. She kissed him on the forehead.
“I’ve got some things to attend to. See you tonight at the concert.”

He lay in bed feeling jealous of what…himself? That couldn’t be right. It would be half-mad to be jealous of himself. Perhaps that was the problem; he was half-mad. He decided he’d figure it out over breakfast.

He didn’t really get breakfast though, or at least he didn’t remember getting any. The next thing he knew he was sitting, fully clothed, talking with Mallyumkin at lunch.

“Hatter?” Mally asked.

“I’m fine,” he said. “What were we talking about?”

“You were saying that the Outlands are too good for the Red Queen. You were in a regular rage about it.”

“Was I?” he asked. “I don’t remember.”

He finished lunch and retreated to his work-room to finish the Queen’s new hat. He always sewed when he needed to think. He wondered if the Scotsman had locked him away so long on purpose, or just forgot to let him out. That had happened before.

He went to his room and pulled the jewelry box from his dresser. He opened it and looked at the ring, imagining it on
Alice’s delicate finger. He hoped she liked it. He didn’t know what he’d do if she said no.

He wanted to talk to a friend about the situation, but he couldn’t find the Tweedles or Mallyumkin. The March Hare was always in the kitchen, so he went there. After ducking a ladle of soup and a couple of salt cellars, he showed the Hare his ring.

“What do you think? I hope it’s good enough for her.”

The March Hare’s eyes were wide. “Ring,” he said.

“Yes, well, I suppose that about covers it then, doesn’t it?” He felt more at ease since talking with the March Hare. The Hare was an excellent judge of all things fashionable. Since he approved, the ring must be acceptable.

He put the ring back in its box, but when he put the box in his pocket he met an obstacle. He pulled out a similar jewelry box. When he opened it he found a ring inside. It had a small diamond surrounded by light blue sapphires.

“Here now, put that back!” he heard the Scotsman say.

“Put it back? What’s it doing here in the first place? This is what you were about when I wasn’t allowed out, isn’t it?”

“What if it is, you great useless git?”

The Hatter opened the box with his own ring in it. “I bought her a ring first. I’m going to ask her to marry me, probably tonight.”

“You can’t ask her to marry you. I’m asking her to marry me!” the Scotsman yelled. In his mind the Scotsman took a step closer to the Hatter, daring him to make him angrier.

The Hatter punched the Scotsman squarely in the jaw. The warrior just rubbed his jaw. “Is that the best you’ve got laddie?” he asked. “I’m going to wreck you, you little fabric loving fairy.”

He hit the Hatter strongly under the eye, knocking him down. The Hatter jumped up and sucker punched the Scotsman. He wasn’t a fighter, really, but he wasn’t going to let that great lug have his Alice.

The March Hare saw something entirely different. After the Hatter had showed him the ring, he had pulled out another ring and suddenly began hitting himself in the face. He had fallen down and then hit himself in the stomach. Now he appeared to be attempting to choke himself. He grabbed a saucepan and hit himself in the head, causing him to fall and knock a butcher knife to the floor. He grabbed the knife and was about to stab himself, but he grabbed his own hand and forced himself to drop the knife. He took himself by the collar and pulled himself around the room, purposely throwing himself into objects and walls. He was bleeding profusely. The Hare threw a plate at him. He didn’t even duck, and the plate broke on his shoulder and fell in bits to the ground.

The Hare ran from the room to find help. He ran into Alice, and looked at her, trying to find words to describe the bizarre scene. “Blood,” he said.

Alice bent to look him in the face. “Is someone hurt?” she asked.

He nodded. “He’s ruining the tea,” he said.

Alice took his hand. “Show me,” she said, and the March Hare took her to the kitchen.

When she entered the kitchen, Alice thought once more that she must be dreaming. The Hatter had himself by the neck and was turning an unhealthy shade of blue. He tore away from his own hold and bit his arm badly enough to bring blood.

“Hatter!” Alice said, but this time he didn’t respond. He grabbed himself by the shirt collar and slammed his own head into the kitchen wall. He fell, leaving a streak of blood on the rough stone wall.

They ran over to him. “Get a doctor!” Alice said, but when she saw that the March Hare was just staring in horror, she knew he would be useless right now.

“You stay with him. I’ll get a doctor,” she said, and ran to find one.
When he awoke in his own bed, his friends were around him, looking quite serious. Alice held one hand, and Mally’s small paw rested in the other one. The March Hare was twitching in the corner, and the Tweedles pushed each other just outside the doorway. He could only see out of one eye clearly, he supposed he must have gotten a black eye.

“What happened?” Alice asked. “You scared me.” The Hatter noticed she’d been crying.

“Sorry about that,” he said. “I had a fight with myself. I think I lost, actually.”

“What were you fighting over?” she asked. “That was horrible.”

He looked around at his worried friends. “I’m ok. Could you give me a few minutes with Alice?”

“The Scotsman and I had a disagreement. I’d rather not talk about it.”

His friends left, and he pulled his ring out of his pocket. “Alice, will you marry me?”

She barely even looked at the ring. “Of course I will, silly man.” She kissed him.

“Here now, you can’t ask her to marry you,” the Scotsman said. “I’m going to ask her to marry me!”

“Well, you’re too late. She already said yes,” the Hatter said.

“You want more of what I gave you earlier?” the Scotsman said. He began yelling in Outlandish.

“Hatter!” Alice said. She put her hands around his face, pulling him back to reality.

“I’m fine,” he said.

“No, you’re really not,” Alice said. “What’s going on here?”


“It’s just, we both want to marry you. I love you so much Alice. What can he give you that I can’t? Stay with me.”

“Wait, you’re arguing over which one of you I’m going to marry?”

“Well yes. It’s a very important question.”

“Hatter, you do know that you’re the same person, right?”

His brows knit together in thought. “Well, I suppose in a basic sense, that is, in some way…yes?”

“So I can marry both of you, right?”

“Well, yes. I mean, that makes sense. Don’t know why I didn’t think of that earlier.”

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The concert went well, although the Hatter was unable to attend because of his injuries. The White Queen paid him a visit later that day, which left Alice feeling jealous. Alice watched carefully to make sure there weren’t feelings between them, but she finally admitted to herself that they were just friends.
That night Alice checked and rebound his injuries. “You really did a number on yourself. Don’t do this again, ok? I love you both very much.”

The Scotsman pulled her into the bed with him. “I could do with some better medicine right now. A good shot of Alice would fix me right up.”

She laughed, but she pulled herself out of his embrace. “Not until you feel better. That should give you some incentive not to beat yourself up again.”

He was resilient, and was out of bed the next day, despite Alice’s protests. Even the Queen told him to return to bed, but he talked his way out of it by presenting her with her new hat and distracting her with stories about the war.
When he told the Queen about his engagement, she squealed happily and then gathered herself.

“I’m very glad to hear it,” she said, trying to maintain her dignity. “You shall get married in the palace, of course?”

The Walrus presided over the ceremony.

“Do you, Alice Kingsley take Tarrant Hightop as your legal husband?”

“I do,” she said.

“Do you, Tarrant Hightop take Alice Kingsley as your lawfully wedded wife?”

“We do,” he said.