Angel Sanctuary Fan Fiction ❯ Imperfect Sky ❯ Purpose ( Chapter 7 )

Disclaimer: If an innocent fanfic writer is attacked in a forest by ignorant lawyers who thought she was actually somehow making a profit, are they still wrong?

 

AN: Yeah, and I'm trying really hard not to steal anything from Cairnsy's fic `How Angels Fall', either. It's an obscenely great fic about this time in Katan's life, but nevertheless I swear I didn't nick the idea from it. I mean, you knew I'd have to write a part about this time eventually, ne? It kind of can't be helped... So I tried to take a somewhat different perspective on it, and also advertised for her for good measure :) More quotes from the poem in book nineteen, spoilers for, erm, book one, no warnings. Maybe I should stop mentioning warnings unless there actually are some...?

 

 

Chapter Seven: Purpose

 

 

Inside this miniature garden of asphalt, I continue to deny myself what I desire. My hands can no longer hold you, how I pray of wanting to be near you...

 

 

The day after Rosiel and Alexiel's grand battle, Katan's home was in a state of upheaval such as had not been known since the fall of Lucifel. Alexiel's lifeless body had been whisked away to some secret location, even Katan didn't know where, for safekeeping. There was nothing left to save of Rosiel, and angels cried openly in the halls of Heaven.

 

The demons, meanwhile, were also enraged, but few had been brave enough to stay and fight after their great leader had been killed; their army was simply too small, because the many factions of Hell refused to fight together. Unfortunately, it looked like Heaven could be headed that way, too, as Rosiel had left behind no subordinates who possessed anywhere near his skill or prestige. Katan knew he should be out there right now, knew that no one else could come as close as he could to deciding what Rosiel might have done, and yet the thought was totally incomprehensible to him.

 

He hadn't been badly wounded, though the battle had shaken the seven layers - in other words, he hadn't been able to do a thing to help. He couldn't seem to do anything now, either; he couldn't even sleep, even though he'd been lying in bed ever since. He was a cherub, he kept thinking dully. That was one of the highest angel ranks; he should've been able to do something. He could never do enough...

 

He could feel his mind buckling under the strain in the darkened room. He wouldn't accept that Rosiel could be gone forever, or couldn't accept; doing so would surely be the death of him. He simply had no purpose without Rosiel, and the moment he believed that there was no chance of seeing him again, there would be no reason not to kill himself then and there.

 

And, hissed a nasty little voice in the back of his head, you promised him that everything would be okay. He covered his mouth with his fist to keep from crying out... He had, he realized, a duty to protect Rosiel no matter what because of that. It was a duty he'd taken on of his own free will, but he didn't regret it. The only problem was, this time, he'd failed...

 

He had no idea how long he lay there, not eating or speaking to anyone who tried to get in. Perhaps they thought he'd died, and would eventually break down the door, but until they did he wouldn't care. It seemed that he had really, truly failed, but he couldn't cope with that, and so he began to come up with alternatives...

 

It was true that Alexiel had not actually killed Rosiel, but she had sealed him away so thoroughly that Katan didn't see how he could possibly free him. It did not hit him all at once, but snuck over him softly and quietly, that nevertheless there was really nothing else he could do. He told himself that he still had hope, after all. He would search through all the books in existence, even the books that were supposed to be reserved for the supreme leader of Heaven if he had to, until he found a way to break the curse. Gradually, this plan helped him to wad his pain up tight enough to shove it back into the back of his mind, so that he could get up again. Deep down, though, he was just as scared as ever.

 

TBC