Avatar The Last Airbender Fan Fiction ❯ Precious Illusions ❯ Monster ( Chapter 6 )

Authors Notes: Hey baby, you got something on your butt: my eyes!

Disclaimer: Is not mine, I could never make up something so beautiful and predictable as it, though I do wish I had Zuko (I would lock him in my room and never leave). It belongs to Nickelodeon (I think) and its creators Michael Dante DiMartino and Bryan Konietzko.

 

Warnings: language (the f word is used twice in the fic), a bit of violence, emotional turmoil, insanity, yuri (light and far away), shoujo ai, mentions of shounen ai/yaoi. Original characters, made up avatar creatures (that's all the warning I can think of off the top of my head).

 

Monster by Meg and Dia

 

Chapter Six

Monster

 

Azula allowed her hair to come and hide her face. She picked up a rock, tossed it in her hand, and then threw it across the lake. For someone who claimed not to have met anyone worth fighting in over twenty years Master Tuk was very agile. She had spent the last week between irritating children and learning to shot a bow and arrow. Azula had glared the weapon at first; she had been taught to fight with a sword and daggers, thank you very much, she didn't even use those very often, her fire was intense enough to take on anyone who dared cross her path.

 

“Thought I might find you here,” Saki's voice was light and teasing. Azula turned to her friend and glared. She flipped a rock and then tried to skip it across the lake. She failed, much to her surprise.

 

“It's all in the wrist, or so I've heard,” said Saki taking her own rock and making it skip.

 

“You've been practicing,” Azula accused.

 

“I've had the time to,” Azula glared at the air bender who lifted her hands in false surrender. “Hey, come back to the village, everyone promised that you'd have the day off, okay? Tuk won't even bother you about doing your usual jobs; actually I think they're worried about you breaking down.”

 

“I wonder why,” said Azula darkly. Sure she seemed to have a job watching the kids and ate in the mess with everyone else, hell, she even had the training master teaching her, but she was still an outsider. She could see it in their eyes; they knew something was wrong with her, something besides her insanity. Of course, the fact that her sanity was unstable was more of worry for Azula, she had always valued her control.

 

Last night the former fire princess had woken up to find herself deep in the forest, scorch marks followed her from the direction of the village. A whole lot of dead animals had been killed around her and fear had made her run back to the temple. She didn't remember how or when she had done that, the whole time was a blank. The next day she had listened to hear if anyone was dead or had gone missing. Nothing, but Azula couldn't help but wonder what had happened during that blackout. She worried about the next tme it would happen. What if she killed people instead of animals? These people would never be allowed to stay then; her face would become one to fear even in this backwater place. What would Saki think?

 

“Mai,” Saki's voice was concerned and direct. “Where did you disappear last night? You weren't in your room when I checked on you. Mai.”

 

“You're not my keeper,” said Azula coolly and standing while brushing off her peasant clothing. “You don't need to know what I'm doing every moment of every day, and I'm not hunting you down every time I want to go somewhere to tell you.”

 

“I just worry, the villagers do to,” Azula glared in the direction of the village.

 

“They worry for different reasons,” then Azula smiled, at least she could still inspire a type of fear. “Not that I blame them, I am rather unstable.”

 

“You're impossible,” said Saki coming from behind and laughing as she literally hung herself off her friends shoulder. “Come on, let's go to the temple, you can push me off the roof since that seems the only way I'll actually try out the damn thing out. That should help calm your homicidal tendencies for the day, shouldn't it?”

 

“I don't know,” grossed Azula touching a hand to her shin and her cat like eyes flying to the side in mischievous contemplation. “Am I allowed to do the same thing with your father? We can see if you really did get air bending from your father. If not then, no big loss.”

 

“No you may not, you know as well as me that he isn't an air bender,” Azula pouted and Saki laughed, she had given up trying to get the two to get along. Azula hated the man for what he did to confuse Saki and Saki's father didn't trust Mai through some sort of sixth sense that Saki swore was broken. For the most part the two ignored each other, when forced to converse Saki's father would make sly comments about Azula's mental health, and Azula would make subtle threats that promised death to extreme mental trauma.

 

“Well, hurry up!” shouted Saki bouncing up and skipping the steps to the next platform. “You only have today for freedom and then it's back to zealous teachers and irritating brats!”

 

“You've been reading scrolls again,” said Azula. “And no fair using air bending or can't you face me without resorting to tricks?”

 

“Hey, the spirits blessed me with air bending, and as such using it in any competition is completely and utterly fair. You can't tell someone smart not to… hey, wait, you were just distracting me!” Azula chuckled already far in head of her friend. Her training had made her strong; she might not be used to do everything that had to do with physical strength but she was strong, hell, she had once stopped herself from falling to her death by the thing that had been in her hair.

 

“Come on fancy feet, just try and beat me!” said Azula.

 

“You're on!”

 

The two friends came together at the temple, and almost ran into Gato. The chubby teen glared at them. They were friends of a sort. Mostly Azula found it fun to constantly pick on the boy; he was the only one who wouldn't ignore her, laugh it off, or completely overreact. So he was a good tool to sharpen her mind games on again. She had gotten sloppy if none of these backwater villagers were under her thumb yet. In fact, they were more likely to try and bully her.

 

“Don't you two start Mai, no comments on how you don't understand how someone his weight could possibly get his feet off the ground,” Azula watched, delighted as Gato started to turn a lovely shade of red.

 

“What's wrong with my weight?” the sensitive teen demanded his voiced cracked making the whole situation perfect. Saki's face took on this frozen shocked wide eyed guilt and she turned to the other boy.

 

“Nothing, I just… Mai, you -“

 

“I take no responsibility for what you just said, that was completely you,” said Azula happily. “Catch you later pudgy, we're going to push Saki off the roof.”

 

“Couldn't we wait, you know say hi to…?” Saki's voice had pitched a little. She loved learning everything that had to do with air bending, but she seemed to fear it. It was odd, Saki would go on and on about theory, but when it came down to testing she was scared stiff. It wasn't even the air bending that scared her, which confused the hell out of Azula. Surprisingly enough, though, everyone else who was an air bender seemed to understand, and also suffer a bit though most were faster in shedding their fears. Still, none of them had been asked to test out the gliders that the air benders had used so many years ago. There were many made now, all that needed to happen before they could let the others on it was a test pilot. Since Saki was the first one to make one she had been chosen.

 

“No, we're going to conquer your fear today, no more putting it off,” said Azula and grabbed her friend in a death grip on her arm and started up the wall stairs to the roof, trying from the ground had only given a reason for Saki to smile and shrug, throwing her off the roof was the only way to truly test her.

 

“Why does it have to be today?” asked Gato, apparently deciding that his presence was needed when this happened.

 

“Because she's put it off long enough and it's my day off,” said Azula, ignoring the way that Saki seemed to be trying to flee from her grasp.

 

“Monster, what are you doing to my daughter?” just Azula's luck, the neglectful joke of a father had to be up here with her psychotic master. He glared at the former fire princess as if daring her to lie. Azula would have, except that it would give Saki time to run, and that would be unacceptable. Air benders coming back into the world was important to the girl and Azula would be damned if the girl ruined it for herself.

 

“Throwing her off the roof,” just a step over, perfect, no place she grab on, and a good life threatening drop, and Saki had the glider (she never went anywhere without it) in her hands looking a little freaked out.

 

“What?” the man demanded even her master looked a little thrown. The reason might be because Gato was the only one aware of how the girls had decided to defeat Saki's fear of gliding.

 

“Too late,” and Azula practically threw Saki over the edge. The air bender fell a few feet; her screams piercing the air, Azula hoped Saki'd gather her senses enough to at least try to use the glider.

 

“What the hell have you done?” screamed Heis grabbing her collar and lifting him off her feet.

 

“Teaching her how to fly,” said Azula with all the majesty she could.

 

“I'll teach you how to fly,” said the man shaking Azula and maneuvering her over the edge. Azula stared at him with her hand on his but did not push him away. She was daring him to drop her.

 

“Heis put her down! She doesn't have complete control over what she does!” said Master Tuk with a touch of urgency and old power in his voice.

 

“The hell she doesn't,” growled the man. His grip suddenly loosened and his mouth slackened. Azula flipped herself over the man easily. Tuk made an odd noise that told her he was disappointed that she had been holding back on him during practice. Azula looked to see Saki gliding with ease in the air. The former Fire Princess smirked. Of course the glider would work. She had seen the one the avatar had used. That one had been full proof, same basic design. “You didn't know that would work.”

 

“You worry too much,” shoot back Azula.

 

“How about the next time we want to test if something that requires an air bender I'll strap you to the contraption and throw you off a roof,” snapped the man.

 

“Funny, we might not get along but our threats coincide with each other,” said Azula with a fake smile.

 

“What?” Heis made a face and Zula looked sharply back at her friend, intent on ignoring the man.

 

“I don't think she has good control over that thing,” they all turned to look at Gato who was looking at Saki, who was coming right at them with the glider making sudden uncontrolled flinches. “Oh hell, crash landing!”

 

Azula didn't move as her friend headed right for her and crashed landed in a tangle of limps and wood. The air was knocked out of the former princess. And while Azula carefully took steps in deep controlling her breathing, Saki puffed somewhere near her left ear making it itch.

 

“I think that I saw a storm coming before I was run over,” said Azula with a small cough. “Or was that you?”

 

“Nope,” said Saki sitting up and cracking a few bones while she did so. “Rain's coming. Dad, I'm fine, I told her to do that, I wouldn't have ever gotten the courage to do it by myself.”

 

“I told you I don't want you to put your life in her hands,” the man scolded.

 

“She's fine dad,” snapped Saki. “And what gives you the right to tell me what I can and can't do. I've barely seen you my whole life the only thing you've ever given me is a bunch of useless stories and a few nick-nacks.”

 

“You've been listening to that crazy girl,” the man seemed, guilty.

 

“That crazy girl is more of a family member then you've ever been. She supports me, pushes me to be better, you… you-” Saki couldn't seem to find the word, but in a second it didn't matter.

 

“Fire,” Tuk whispered.

 

“What?”

 

“Fire!” screamed Gato, eyes fixed on the town.

 

“How'd that happen, the fire's almost reached the town! Hurry we have to get everyone out of here, and make those damn fouls of air benders to stop fanning the fire!” they were racing down the stairs and down the slope and into the village. There was screaming and general mayhem. Azula felt herself run past them as Tuk stopped and tried to calm the people down before they killed each other in the confusion with the help of Bato's air bending.

 

It washed over Azula in confusion. She could feel their confusion. How had this happened? The fire had already started to rage out of control, tall and near before anyone had noticed. Azula thought back and remembered how the fire had looked. It hadn't started at the old village, in fact it looked as if someone had made a line of fire, as if it had started at that line of fire and then only burned toward the village.

 

“Mai,” Azula snapped out of it to see Saki running by her side. “Come on, we need to help them and then get back out of here!”

 

Saki meant a family with, once again, too many children and old people with all the able bodies trying to get the weaklings out. She slung Maxz over her back, remembering how he seemed to like to give her bugs whenever she watched him. Every day he either came or found one for her. She never wanted the answer.

 

Still, even as she was going she could feel something. The heat was running rampant through her body, at least the calling for it was. She shivered; the heat reminded her of how cold she was. She wanted to feel the fire again, to do more than contain it, to pull it into his body and warm her frozen soul. While still connected she followed the fire. This wasn't natural, not only was it coming in but it was going around. It would cut them off from getting down the mountain as much as it could. If the fire didn't kill them the smoke would. Why the hell was most of this place made out of wood? Even the temple was mostly wood, mostly because they built up so quickly.

 

“Mai, we have to go!” shouted Saki, her voice yelling over the roaring fire.

 

“Mai, I'm scared,” cried Maxz from around her neck. Azula looked at Saki, she could tell the girl to fly away, but she never would, and even if she did the guilt would never allow her to ever live again.

 

Azula dropped the boy from her back and reached in, deep where her fire bending centered, she could hear the echo of her name but they would never reach her. Because at the moment she was in her element she went to the edge of the forest and allowed the power to flow through and catch the fire. The warmth encircled her; it came to her body and died, her chill freezing the warmth around her. She leaned forward and drew back with her arms, body and mind, the fire was pulled from far and then inward and it was gone. She opened her eyes slowly just in time to see the last flame touch her hand in a blue fleck and then die out.

 

She released a steady breath; she pushed down her hands and concentrated on balance. She knew that her emotions could rampage after such intense fire bending. She turned back to the city only to see the family, to see Saki, staring at her in amazement. It looked like the whole town was coming back, just staring at her. Azula pushed her sweaty brows out of her eyes, and noticed they looked more hostile than grateful.

 

“Mai, please, tell, tell me you're not…” that was Saki. Azula couldn't say anything. Spirits could only use people, not give them powers that they did not already possess.

 

“Saki, I…” Azula made toward the girl but Mai took a step back.

 

“Mai you saved…” Maxz tried to run toward her wide smile across his face, but his mother grabbed him stopping him and his smile.

 

“Mai, please tell me you're not a monster,” there was a sincere wish in her friends words. Azula looked at Saki and wished she could take back what she had just done, but then Saki -- everyone would be dead.

 

“Saki I'm not-” she tried to start.

 

“You are,” Saki sounded disgusted and she was backing up again. “You're a monster.”

 

“No, please…”

 

“Leave,” said Saki sharply. “Just leave.”

 

Azula looked, but every face and every person was set against her, rejecting her. Azula stepped back and her breath quickened, she could feel tears, but she couldn't let them fall, she couldn't show her weakness to them. Never again, she would never open herself for that kind of rejection again. She would never again be vulnerable to people who couldn't give a care for her wellbeing. She didn't remember leaving; she didn't remember running, she didn't remember the rain and high winds.

 

“You were supposed to understand!” Azula shouted after her feet were aching her tears were mixed and damp with rain. “You've been there, you've seen me fire bend. You've always been there for me! When I wasn't good enough for my father! When my friends left me! When I was locked in prison by my own brother! When my mother thought I was a monster! Now, now you think I'm a monster.”

 

Azula flinched as she felt the rain that had chilled her to the bones and forced shivers down her spine. She looked up to see small cave was in front of her. She allowed her body to convulse in cold and forced it to head toward the cave. She grabbed some twigs along the way; she wanted to be warm, at least as much as she could. She wanted to be loved, why couldn't anyone love her? If it wasn't her personality or her drive it was because of what they did.

 

She tripped and fell on the cave floor, gathered the twigs around he,r and tried to light them. Nothing.

 

“Damn, don't leave me, no the avatar promised,” the tears still couldn't fall. “Where are you when I want you?!”

 

“Well Azula it looks like you've really done it this time,” Azula froze and then went boneless.

 

“So, you finally showed up,” Azula said her voice hard, defeated but still strong. “Planning on bringing me home to cage my, brother?”

 

“This was something you had to learn sister,” said Zuko.

 

“Easy for you to say, mother always loved you, uncle took you in, now you're Fire Lord, a title you stole from me,” snarled Azula.

 

“You think it's been easy for me?” asked Zuko, almost calmly. “My father, the person who tried to make you Fire Lord, banished me. I was hunted, called a traitor. Now, now I have to take control of a place with no one, no family, because they're either locked up or banished. My life has been anything but easy. Life is not something that is supposed to be easy Azula. You aren't supposed to get everything just because you try hard to get it; you get it because you deserve it.”

 

“Shut up!”

 

“I'm starting a new era. I'll fix the mistakes you and dad made. It'll be built on love, not hate,” his voice was soft and reasonable.

 

“Shut up!”

 

“You know Azula this is probably the reason you're always cold,” said Zuko. “I remember when the trainer thought you weren't going to do well because you were so cold, he wasn't even sure you'd have fire. It just proves that your fate was already set even as a child. Come back peacefully, maybe I can even…”

 

“I don't need your pity!”

 

Azula ignored her brother and huddled into a tight ball and looked for her inner fire. Where it was, where was that warmth she had heard so much about? Violent rushes of cold forced her to shake out of control.

 

“Mai,” it was Saki, no Saki was gone, she wasn't coming back. “Mai.”

 

“Az, Azi-“ she hiccupped.

 

“Are you trying to tell me you're real name?” asked Saki, the fake Saki. “Mai, Azi, please, look at me.”

 

“Too cold, you've made me too cold,” said Azula, not daring to look behind and see that there was no one really there.

 

“Well, that's a steep accusation,” laughed the voice, and then she sighed. “Perhaps I shouldn't have listened to Gato, you really aren't that easy to get along with. If you're a fire bender, well, then I mean it's just who you are, isn't it?”

 

“A monster,” said Azula, the footsteps stopped from leaving. “That's what you said. You said that I was a monster. I must be, you called me that, my mother did, my brother…”

 

“No, you're not a…”

 

“That's what you called me! You can't lie to me like my mother can!”

 

“I'm not some crazy vision you're having,” now Saki sounded mad.

 

“Kill me,” Azula's voice was hollow.

 

“What?” Saki's voice shook.

 

“Kill me, maybe if you kill me then my mind will be really gone and I can stop being a danger,” said Azula and then her body shook. “I'm so cold.”

 

Warm arms encircled around her and Azula's throat caught. She closed her eyes waiting for some kind of death, but nothing happened except that a hand started to make shaky circles on her shoulders and back. A gentle humming filled Azula's ears, words passed by once in a while. Azula found that she was falling into the warmth it created for her. Her eyes slowly closed and she felt herself falling into sleep gently.

 

“I'm sorry.”