Ayashi No Ceres Fan Fiction ❯ Rebirth ❯ Chapter 1
[ Y - Young Adult: Not suitable for readers under 16 ]
By: Lina Inverse 
Anime/Manga: Ayashi No Ceres Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Drama / Mystery / Psychological / Angst | Type: Alternate Universe | Uploaded On: 11.17.2003 | Pages: 1 | Words: 1.4K | Visits: 269 | Status: Completed
Anime/Manga: Ayashi No Ceres Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Drama / Mystery / Psychological / Angst | Type: Alternate Universe | Uploaded On: 11.17.2003 | Pages: 1 | Words: 1.4K | Visits: 269 | Status: Completed
**Author's note: If you haven't read My Angel, you can understand and appreciate this story, but I still reccomend that you read My Angel first. And certainly don't read this then My Angel, because this spoils almost all of My Angel.**
I raped her. What the hell have I done? It was only reasonable for her to want to break up with me after what I did to her, and then I go and rape her?!
What does it matter that she's a stupid little slut? No matter how stupid she is, what I did was unexcusable.
I sigh, a deep, re-energizing sigh. I know what I need now. I need help, to make sure I never do this again.
With this in mind, I walk to Student Health. Conveniently, a whole rack of pamphlets covers mental health. I skim through. Depression, Zoloft, depression, suicide, depression, bipolar, depression, Prozac, depression, anxiety, depression... For a moment my eyes waver, and through the corner of my eye, I see the words "domestic violence." I turn to this section, dwarfed by the thousands of pamphlets on depression. I pick out every pamphlet that interests me, then toss them in my bag as I head back to my room.
A full hour's reading results in approximately five sentences about rapists themselves. And three are on incest. But nevertheless, I get what I looked for. "If you've been raped, get professional help to regain control of your life. Studies show that the majority of rapists have been raped before."
**Author's note: This is actually true.**
My mouth falls open at those words. Have I... been raped? My body goes deathly cold. First, my hands lose their grip on the paper, which slowly floats towards the ground. Second, I fall flat on my side. Luckily, I had been reading sitting up in my bed, and my matress cushions my fall.
But almost instantly, I regain control of myself, and head back to Student Health, determined to find out the truth about me. I can't admit to what I've done, but these places do offer confidentiality. I can say I heavily considered it.
A cute blond lady of perhaps twenty stands at the front desk. She offers me a smile, asking "How may I help you?" The neckline of her shirt sinks dangerously low, exposing more breast than I care to see. What a fucking idiot. Just yesterday, I raped my girlfriend, then the very next female I see dresses this suggestively!
"Yes," I say, the words croaking out of my dry mouth. I just notice now that I haven't had a drop of water in twenty hours. "I'm looking for a therapist."
"Depression?" she asks, forced concern crossing her lips.
"No. I..." I almost lose my composure again, but manage to go on. "I've had some thoughts about hurting people- not killing, mind you- and I need help stopping them."
She smiles, as if written in a script. "I'm glad you're concerned about others, and looking for help." Her voice rises all too high in an attempt to cover up the absence of sympathy. "Let's see, Dr. Kagami has an opening tomorrow at two. Are you available then?" I nod. "Great!" she tells me, her false enthusiasm grating in my ears. "I'll schedule an appointment for you then, and you can get to know him and see if he's right for you. Let me just write that down for you." She scribbles the time down on Dr. Kagami's business card, then hands it to me, flashing a wide smile and thrusting her bust forward, right under my eyes. I close my eyes, pretending to blink, to avoid the sight. Is she just begging to become another Aya? Upon the receival of the card, I mutter a flat "thank you" and head out the door.
* * * * *
"Tooya?" I lift my head from Time magazine, and turn it in the direction of the voice. A thirty-something man, very professional-looking, with a clean-cut suit, black hair, and glasses to match, looks at me.
I stand, walk over to him, and he shakes my hand warmly. "You must be Dr. Kagami," I say.
He nods, and leads me to a small, cozy room. He motions for me to sit. I choose a comfortable couch of black leather.
The doctor sits across from me. "Have you ever been in therapy before?" I shake my head, then he proceeds to describe how it works. It's very boring. I'm here to help you, blah, blah, blah, by law I must keep confidentiality unless I think you are putting your life, or someone else's life in danger, blah, blah, blah.
Finally, he picks up my files, and instantly a puzzled look crosses his face. "You didn't give me your last name."
I sigh. "I don't remember it. I don't remember anything from before about a year ago. I suppose my last name is somewhere in my files, but I haven't bothered to look."
"I'm going to need it before your next session. Please look it up."
"Okay."
"Good. Now we can proceed with more important business. Am I correct in assuming that you came here because of your concerns about your amnesia?"
"No. I... Well, I've thought about hurting my ex-girlfriend, and want to stop before I actually do anything." I fight to conceal my emotions beneath my expression. Kagami doesn't seem to notice.
Kagami nods, and scribbles it down on his yellow legal pad. "Has she done anything to make you angry?"
"Well, she broke up with me."
"Was she important to you?"
"No."
"Then why is it such a big deal?"
"Cause she claims I used her for her body. I mean, she comes up to me just begging for a physical relationship! What was I supposed to think?"
Kagami pauses. "A lot of times girls do give that ambiguous message, don't they? But listen, Tooya. It doesn't matter what she thinks of you. She's in the past. Let her go, since she wasn't that important to you anyway, and learn from both of your mistakes."
Damn. It would be such good advice if I hadn't actually done anything to her. But I've got to play along with him, and let out what truth I can. "Well... There was one thing about her that really intrigued me. She's an artist, one of the best I've ever known- well, maybe not, since she's the only artist I actually do know. But that's besides the point. She made this one painting that I absolutely love."
Kagami writes more in his pad, then looks up to say, "What intrigued you so much about her painting? What was it about?"
I pause. "I... I don't know. It's of a purple-haired maiden soaring through the sky... But I don't know what intrigues me about it. She... She almost looks... familiar..."
Kagami writes this down as well. "We're out of time for today. If you would like to come back to see me again--"
"I would."
"Well, then." He goes to his calendar and picks out times. "Actually, next week I have an opening. Same day, same time."
"I can make it."
"Good. I'll see you again then. And don't forget about your personal information. You'll need that plenty more in the future."
I head out, wondering just why Aya's painting intrigued me.
I raped her. What the hell have I done? It was only reasonable for her to want to break up with me after what I did to her, and then I go and rape her?!
What does it matter that she's a stupid little slut? No matter how stupid she is, what I did was unexcusable.
I sigh, a deep, re-energizing sigh. I know what I need now. I need help, to make sure I never do this again.
With this in mind, I walk to Student Health. Conveniently, a whole rack of pamphlets covers mental health. I skim through. Depression, Zoloft, depression, suicide, depression, bipolar, depression, Prozac, depression, anxiety, depression... For a moment my eyes waver, and through the corner of my eye, I see the words "domestic violence." I turn to this section, dwarfed by the thousands of pamphlets on depression. I pick out every pamphlet that interests me, then toss them in my bag as I head back to my room.
A full hour's reading results in approximately five sentences about rapists themselves. And three are on incest. But nevertheless, I get what I looked for. "If you've been raped, get professional help to regain control of your life. Studies show that the majority of rapists have been raped before."
**Author's note: This is actually true.**
My mouth falls open at those words. Have I... been raped? My body goes deathly cold. First, my hands lose their grip on the paper, which slowly floats towards the ground. Second, I fall flat on my side. Luckily, I had been reading sitting up in my bed, and my matress cushions my fall.
But almost instantly, I regain control of myself, and head back to Student Health, determined to find out the truth about me. I can't admit to what I've done, but these places do offer confidentiality. I can say I heavily considered it.
A cute blond lady of perhaps twenty stands at the front desk. She offers me a smile, asking "How may I help you?" The neckline of her shirt sinks dangerously low, exposing more breast than I care to see. What a fucking idiot. Just yesterday, I raped my girlfriend, then the very next female I see dresses this suggestively!
"Yes," I say, the words croaking out of my dry mouth. I just notice now that I haven't had a drop of water in twenty hours. "I'm looking for a therapist."
"Depression?" she asks, forced concern crossing her lips.
"No. I..." I almost lose my composure again, but manage to go on. "I've had some thoughts about hurting people- not killing, mind you- and I need help stopping them."
She smiles, as if written in a script. "I'm glad you're concerned about others, and looking for help." Her voice rises all too high in an attempt to cover up the absence of sympathy. "Let's see, Dr. Kagami has an opening tomorrow at two. Are you available then?" I nod. "Great!" she tells me, her false enthusiasm grating in my ears. "I'll schedule an appointment for you then, and you can get to know him and see if he's right for you. Let me just write that down for you." She scribbles the time down on Dr. Kagami's business card, then hands it to me, flashing a wide smile and thrusting her bust forward, right under my eyes. I close my eyes, pretending to blink, to avoid the sight. Is she just begging to become another Aya? Upon the receival of the card, I mutter a flat "thank you" and head out the door.
* * * * *
"Tooya?" I lift my head from Time magazine, and turn it in the direction of the voice. A thirty-something man, very professional-looking, with a clean-cut suit, black hair, and glasses to match, looks at me.
I stand, walk over to him, and he shakes my hand warmly. "You must be Dr. Kagami," I say.
He nods, and leads me to a small, cozy room. He motions for me to sit. I choose a comfortable couch of black leather.
The doctor sits across from me. "Have you ever been in therapy before?" I shake my head, then he proceeds to describe how it works. It's very boring. I'm here to help you, blah, blah, blah, by law I must keep confidentiality unless I think you are putting your life, or someone else's life in danger, blah, blah, blah.
Finally, he picks up my files, and instantly a puzzled look crosses his face. "You didn't give me your last name."
I sigh. "I don't remember it. I don't remember anything from before about a year ago. I suppose my last name is somewhere in my files, but I haven't bothered to look."
"I'm going to need it before your next session. Please look it up."
"Okay."
"Good. Now we can proceed with more important business. Am I correct in assuming that you came here because of your concerns about your amnesia?"
"No. I... Well, I've thought about hurting my ex-girlfriend, and want to stop before I actually do anything." I fight to conceal my emotions beneath my expression. Kagami doesn't seem to notice.
Kagami nods, and scribbles it down on his yellow legal pad. "Has she done anything to make you angry?"
"Well, she broke up with me."
"Was she important to you?"
"No."
"Then why is it such a big deal?"
"Cause she claims I used her for her body. I mean, she comes up to me just begging for a physical relationship! What was I supposed to think?"
Kagami pauses. "A lot of times girls do give that ambiguous message, don't they? But listen, Tooya. It doesn't matter what she thinks of you. She's in the past. Let her go, since she wasn't that important to you anyway, and learn from both of your mistakes."
Damn. It would be such good advice if I hadn't actually done anything to her. But I've got to play along with him, and let out what truth I can. "Well... There was one thing about her that really intrigued me. She's an artist, one of the best I've ever known- well, maybe not, since she's the only artist I actually do know. But that's besides the point. She made this one painting that I absolutely love."
Kagami writes more in his pad, then looks up to say, "What intrigued you so much about her painting? What was it about?"
I pause. "I... I don't know. It's of a purple-haired maiden soaring through the sky... But I don't know what intrigues me about it. She... She almost looks... familiar..."
Kagami writes this down as well. "We're out of time for today. If you would like to come back to see me again--"
"I would."
"Well, then." He goes to his calendar and picks out times. "Actually, next week I have an opening. Same day, same time."
"I can make it."
"Good. I'll see you again then. And don't forget about your personal information. You'll need that plenty more in the future."
I head out, wondering just why Aya's painting intrigued me.