Azumanga Daioh Fan Fiction ❯ Osaka and the Sheep ❯ Chapter 1

Osaka was walking with Sakaki, Tomo, and Chiyo one particularly hot day.

 

“Boy, is it HOT!” proclaimed Tomo as she slugged back some water from her water bottle. “My brother's braces are probably blistering his lips, it's so hot.”

 

Sakaki nodded. "I bet air-conditioned restaraunts charge extra, it's so hot."

 

"It's so hot, the pigs are complaining about sweating like fat humans." Chiyo giggled.

 

Everyone stopped and stared at her. Her face turned pink.

 

"Um, ew?" Tomo frowned. "What was THAT?"

 

"S-Sorry…" Chiyo turned even pinker, casting her eyes down. "Just trying to be funny."

 

"Well, don't," declared Tomo. "It's weird."

 

Sakaki started walking again. "Come ON, I gotta get home before Sailor Moon starts…"

 

"Can't believe you watch that…"

 

"I like the kitties…" Sakaki blushed.

 

They walked on for a while, soaking up some sunshine.

 

Osaka glanced to her side, then stopped and turned to face her left. “Do you think that sheep sweat?” she asked to no-one in particular.

 

Naturally, everyone present stared at her.

 

“What brought up sheep?” Chiyo asked, confused.

 

Osaka pointed at what she had seen: a sheep munching contentedly on some grass.

 

It was an odd sight. “That's an odd sight,” was how Sakaki put it. As soon as she'd said it, she realized how odd it had sounded, coming from her, but who cared what she said in response to such an odd sight?

 

“It's definitely something you don't see every day,” agreed Tomo. Naturally, Tomo thought nothing about what she had just said. In order to think about things, a brain is required.

 

"Well, not out in the city anyways," Chiyo said. "Wonder where this little guy came from?"

 

The sheep looked up at them, then continued to eat without commenting. One of the perks of being a sheep is that no-one expects you to speak when spoken to.

 

Osaka tilted her head. “I guess that's why sheep die, you know,” she remarked, more to herself then anyone in particular.

 

Again, everyone stared. At Osaka, that is. Even the sheep glanced up in confusion.

 

“They have such thick wool coats, they must be so much hotter than us on the hot days, and they could die from the heat if they couldn't sweat,” Osaka continued.

 

“I guess I never thought about it that way,” remarked Tomo, obviously because she never thought. Ever.

 

Osaka continued staring, then reached into her pocket and pulled out some scissors. She began to walk towards the sheep.

 

“What are you doing?!” Chiyo asked, alarmed. Scissors carried in the pocket can be alarming, sometimes.

 

“I'm going to help it get cool,” Osaka replied calmly.

 

“That seems a bit strange, doesn't it?” remarked Sakaki.

 

Osaka turned to face her. “If all the sheep die from heatstroke, there won't be any more cute little lambs. And it'll be YOUR fault for not helping me.”

 

Sakaki's eyes widened, and she too grabbed her scissors from her pocket. Vaguely she wondered if the sheep would bite her, but she pushed this thought away. She also wondered why she was carrying her scissors in her pocket. This thought would continue to trouble her, even after electroshock therapy some years later.

 

In an unrelated development, Tomo was wondering exactly how many legs a centipede could lose before it would be unable to move itself. But that's not important to the storyline.

 

Chiyo began crying. “You'll hurt the poor sheep!”

 

Osaka ignored the crying and turned back towards the sheep. "Don't be silly, I know all about sheep-wool-cutting-off…ing."

 

“Osaka, please don't!”

 

She took a step closer. The sheep looked up, a little worried. He wondered if he should say something. Then he realized that he was a sheep and that sheep don't have the necessary vocal chords, lips, tongue or brain usually needed for talking.

"Osaka!" Chiyo continued to protest.

 

"Be quiet, Chiyo."

 

“Osaka!”

 

Funny how Chiyo sounded just like Yukari-sensei.

 

“OSAKA!”

 

Osaka jerked her head up off her desk. “Sheep!”

 

Miss Yukari frowned. “Counting sheep, were we? I'll thank you not to fall asleep in my class anymore!”

 

Counting sheep? Osaka raised her hand.

 

“What now, Osaka?”

 

“Why do we count sheep? Why not count kittens or apples?”

 

Yukari groaned. She had unleashed a monster now.

 

“Is it because “sheep” sounds like “sleep”? Or is it because sheep look like pillows?” Osaka paused in thought. “And if we did count kittens, could we call it a catnap? But why don't we call it a sheepnap if we count sheep?”

 

“Just SHUT UP!” shouted Yukari, then groaned and held her head. “I'M not getting enough sleep.”

 

Tomo raised her hand. “You should just go and take a nap, Yukari-sensei. We wouldn't mind a bit.”

 

Yukari looked as if she was going to beat Tomo, then slumped where she stood. “Maybe you're right, Tomo. For once.”

 

Tomo grinned. “And I could be in charge of the class!" She hurried up to the front and put on a stern, teacherey face.

 

"Okay class, today we're going to have a group discussion: Bacon, a Vegetable?"

 

As everyone else groaned, Osaka's eyes were drawn to the sleepy, waving movement of a flower outside the window, gently swaying in the wind. Slowly her eyelids drooped, until she was off again, drifting through the magical world of sleep.