Bastard!! Fan Fiction / Fushigi Yuugi Fan Fiction / RG Veda Fan Fiction / Slayers Fan Fiction / Tenchi Muyo Fan Fiction ❯ Talk To Me ❯ Talk To Me ( Prologue )

[ P - Pre-Teen ]

Talk to Me



Talk to Me


By Kali



Opening Theme: Talk To Me

Performed by Wild Orchid, and written by Armato and Vasquez


Talk to me

Talk to me

Talk to me tonight about love


Hey now just what are we feeling

Is this more than attraction

that we both are dealing with?

And is it in the cards that we stay together?

I recognize the odds against it lasting forever


There's a message that you're sending

I can see it in your eyes

But I don't know what you're thinking

I can't read your heart or mind

Come with me we'll make tonight a fantasy

If you say the word, I'll take you on a journey


Talk to me, tell me what's on your mind

Talk to me, what are you feeling inside

Talk to me, what are you thinking of

Talk to me, tonight about love


Welcome! And now for another wonderful episode of "Talk to Me". The only
talk show in the world that runs a good four hours, minimum. Today's episode
focuses on some very complicated relationships. Ones that we feel need a
bit of resolution for the parties involved. Whether they realize it or not,
is besides the point.



Our guests today are: Lina Inverse, Gourry, Xellos, and Filia from Slayers.
Ashura and Yasha from RG Veda. Yoko, Gara, Dark Schneider, and Arshes Nei
from Bastard. Miaka, Suboshi, Yui, Hotorhori, Nuriko, and Tomahome from Fushigi
Yuugi. Washu, Ryoko, Mihoshi, Kiyone, Ayeka, Sasami, and Tenchi from Tenchi
Muyo.


::Whew::: That was a mouthful, wasn't it? Well on with the show!



"And your here because?" The host asked adorable little Ashura.


"I killed all of my friends when I became the god of destruction."


"Okay...................." Nearly everyone in the panel scooted about five
feet away from Ashura.


"I didn't want to do it! Doesn't anybody believe that?" Ashura cried out
in agonized grief. Everyone; except for Yasha, Washu, Suboshi, Xellos, Dark
Schneider, and Sasami; all looked at Ashura in abject horror.


"I believe you," Sasami said in an attempt to comfort the wailing Ashura.


"Sasami! Get away from her!" Ayeka yelled to her sister.


"I believe it's a him," Ryoko commented to Ayeka.


"No, actually Ashura's an "it", in the true sense of the word. Neither male
nor female," Washu corrected.


"You poor thing!" Sasami exclaimed.


"Sasami! Get away from...... it! Please!" Ayeka begged.


"She won't hurt me."


"Sure, betcha that's what "it's" friends thought too. Look where it got them,"
Ryoko piped in.


"WAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!" Cried out Ashura, as 'it' spewed out fireballs, and other
such spells of destruction. But, for some strange reason, they only flew
for the short space of five feet.


"A self-containment field created by yours truly. It will keep Ashura's powers
contained."


"You're a genius!" The host proclaimed.


"Yep! Darn tooting I am," Washu agreed.


"Well, she definitively doesn't have any self-esteem issues, that's for sure."
Lina whispered to Gourry.


"You mean, like you do?"


"I *don't* have *any* issues."


"But what about your flat chest?"


"Gourry!" Lina warned fiercely.


"What's wrong with her chest?" Dark Schneider asked.


"Your kidding, right?" Gourry asked, looking at the man, dumbfounded. "Can't
you tell?"


"Looks perfectly fine to me, and so does the rest of her."


Lina went all starry-eyed, and started drooling over Dark Schneider. "Finally!
A man who appreciates true beauty!"


"Lina?"


"Back off whelp, or I'll vaporize you!" Dark Schneider threatened. "That,
or I'll turn you into a toad."


"Hmmmm...... How about a jellyfish?"


"Xellos! How dare you say that about Gourry!" Filia yelled at her favorite
love-to-hate, and sometimes, hate-to-love, monster.


"Well, it's true. And besides, Lina looks so happy with Dark Schneider."


"Since when did you care about that?!"


"Never. But believe me, this works well for the grand design the monster
race has for her."


"What do you......? Just who is that silver-haired wizard?" Filia inquired,
her body already steaming in rage.


"That's a secret."


"XELLOS!" Filia yelled, then started chasing after a fleeing Xellos.


"Hey wait! You two can't leave yet! We haven't gotten to your interviews
yet!" The announcer yelled, desperately trying to be heard over the explosions
caused by Filia's dragon breath.


"So, how about you and me spend sometime alone?"


Lina in a dreamy voice, "Sure."


"Lina? Hey Lina, where are you going?!" Gourry asked, his mouth gaping open.


"Where I'm appreciated!"


"But, I appreciate you."


"You sure as hell never showed it."


"Well, you're a hard woman to open up to. I'd thought you'd fireball me,
or something."


"Oh dear, this wasn't supposed to happen. They were supposed to work through
their awkwardness, and come to terms with it. Not break up, and go there
separate ways," The announcer sighed. She had really botched this episode
up. She had recruited, accidentally of course, a "God of Destruction", a
Golden Dragon, who's 'people' are at war with the Monster race. The same
race, her potential soul mate belongs to. Now there is an amazingly powerful,
dark wizard, trying to seduce bandit killer, Lina Inverse.


"Hmmmm...... That gives me an idea. Okay! Audience, who do you think Lina
should choose? The magnificent hunk of a wizard, Dark Schneider, or simpleton
swordsman, Gourry?"


"'Simpleton?' Hey! I resent that!" Gourry pouted. Then whispered to Filia,
who had briefly retired from trying to blast Xellos to kingdom come, at least
for the rest of the show, "What does 'Simpleton' mean?"


"It means fool, you baka!!" Dark Schneider exclaimed. "Lina, let me take
you away from this..... this...... monkey-headed baboon. I can give you things
undreamed of. Teach you spells of darkness that will lay waste to the most
powerful of your enemies. I can lay the world at your feet. With me, you
can be empress of the world!"


"Sure, along with all his other concubines," Gara muttered under his breath.
"Geez, I hope she doesn't choose him. D.S. will probably kill me for it,
but she deserves better."


"Gara, did you say something?"


"Nope, nada, nothing."


Dark Schneider gave him a gaze that would terrify most dragons. Indeed, it
did scare Filia, who fainted.


"Filia, are you all right?" Gourry asked, tugging at her to try and awaken
her.


"Here, maybe this will help," Xellos said, pouring a bucket of ice cold water
on top of Filia.


"XELLOS! When I get my hands on you!" Filia exclaimed, starting to chase
after him again. But when she saw Ayeka pouring tea, "Oh, my, can I have
some, please?" Filia asked pleasantly, her emotions turning on a dime.


"Yes, you sure may. It so wonderful meeting someone with such a pleasant
disposition," Ayeka praised, giving Filia a warm smile. "Unlike *some* people,
who have the manners of a jackass," Ayeka commented, glaring over in Ryoko's
direction.


"Oh well, I tried," Xellos smiled mischievously, a bit disappointed that
Filia had stopped chasing him.


"You like causing trouble, don't you Xellos?" Lina asked, pointedly.


"It's what I exist for, but then you already knew that."


"True," Lina agreed. Then returned her focus to Gourry and Dark Schneider,
for a brief moment, and started to wonder if there were any donuts left in
the dressing room area. "Um....... miss host...... or whatever your name
is?"


"Yes?"


"Can I get some more food up here, my stomach's growling."


The host keeled over.


"Here you go Lina," Gourry said, handing Lina a roast beef sandwich.


"Gourry!! You're giving me your last bit of food!" Lina exclaimed in wonder.


"Not hardly, Lina. What do you take me for? Some kind of idiot? Um..... on
second thought, don't answer that. But, I grabbed a whole bunch earlier,
just in case we got a case of the nibbles."


"Oh, Gourry. You know me so well!"


"I can get to know you very well. Very well, indeed," D. S. commented moving
between her and Gourry. As he shed his clothes to emphasize his point.


"Um, Mr. Dark Schneider, remember this is a television show. Nudity is not
encouraged. Well, at least not male nudity. Please, put your clothes back
on," the host commented halfheartedly, barely above a whisper. Not really
wanting him to put his clothes back on.


"Nobody gets between me and food, buster! And I mean, nobody!" Lina exclaimed,
then started muttering the words to her trademark spell, ending with, "Dragon
Slave!"


"Lina, don't you think you're overreacting?!" Filia begged.


"C'mon guys, I created a special ultra-strong force field. It will hold up
to anything thrown at it. Satisfaction guaranteed!" Washu proclaimed, as
her field enveloped everyone but Lina and Dark Schneider.


After the effects of the spell had worn out..... "Wow, can this be mass
marketed?" Filia asked. "You'd make a fortune on our world."


"I'm not interested in monetary gain. The thrill of creation is all I love.
Though, praise is nice, too. Very nice, in fact," Washu stated, looking at
the rest of the group expectantly.


"He doesn't have a single mark on him," Gourry commented simply, somewhat
horrified.


"Who is that guy? He took a full force Dragon Slave, and shrugged it off
like it was nothing!" Filia whispered.


"I know!" Xellos piped in enthusiastically.


"But you won't tell us, will you?" Filia asked.


"Nope, as I said before, that's a secret."


"You're impossible!"


"Yep!" Xellos smirked wickedly.


"Sandwich, sandwich, sandwich!!! Where is it? I need food!" Lina muttered
to herself, frantically looking for Gourry and the sumptuous roast beef.


"Over here, Lina!" Gourry called out.


"Oh, thank you," Lina managed to get out before stuffing the sandwich into
her mouth.


****************************************************** *********************


"Let me get this straight. Practically, all the girls living with that kid,
are in love with him?"


"Yep," Mihoshi stated.


"But none of you find me the least bit attractive?"


"Not really, no," a bored Ryoko commented.


"Plus, you're a bad guy," Mihoshi added.


"So?"


"So, we don't like people blowing up our surroundings," Ryoko commented,
glaring at Dark Schneider.


"Yeah!" Ayeka agreed.


"That was....." Dark Schneider started, with the intention of correcting
her.


"And you were trying to steal someone else's girl," Ryoko interrupted, still
giving D.S. a very harsh glare.


It would be nice if they would extend me the same courtesy, Tenchi
moaned to himself.


"Ah, they're all baka!" Dark Schneider exclaimed, throwing his arms up into
the air, and started to stomp back over to where his group was huddled. But
on the way, he found himself a bit distracted.


"Of all the nerve of that guy. Going around naked like that! What a pervert!"
Ryoko said, shaking her head in disgust.


Tenchi groaned inwardly over Ryoko's hypocrisy over the 'naked' issue.


"Yes, I'm just glad Sasami went off with that Ashura creature earlier. So
she didn't have to be subjected to him."


"Yes, that was a good thing. Hopefully, Washu and Sasami will be able to
help him....... her..... urm...... it," Tenchi agreed.


***************************************************** ************************


"Say sexy, how about you and me having a little bit of fun together?" Dark
Schneider propositioned to a pretty, purple haired 'woman'. Having given
up on ever bedding Ryoko, Ayeka, Mihoshi, and Lina.


"I'm a guy."


"You're kidding!"


"No, really. See?" Nuriko opened his shirt to reveal his flat chest.


"And you don't find me attractive either?"


"Sorry, no. My heart's spoken for." For whom he speaks of, will be left up
to the readers imagination.


"Baka! Baka! Baka!" Dark Schneider muttered under his breath as he headed
towards the 'Bastard' guest seating area. "Well, I'm back. Miss me?"


"Oh, you were gone?" Yoko responded coldly.


"Okay. So far I've hit on a bunch of lunatic women, who find some snot-nose
kid more attractive than me."


"What were they thinking!" Yoko sarcastically retorted.


"As well as a guy, who looks like a woman."


"Ah, well. You can't win 'em all, Dark Schneider," Gara said in an attempt
to console him. An attempt that only seemed to fuel D.S.'s anger.


"And then there is that Lina Inverse. A woman I could really have had something
with, on the side that is, don't want to keep my legions waiting, you know."


"No, of course not," Arshes commented, bitterly.


"But of course, she dumps **me** for that blonde surfer dude who's passing
himself off as a swordsman."


"Didn't she come with him, to begin with?" Gara asked.


"That's beside the point."


"LUCHE!"


"Yes, Yoko?"


"I'm getting really fed up with all your talk about other women, or guys
in some cases, and would greatly prefer if you would zip it! Or else!"


"Or else, what?"


"I'll never speak to you again as long as I live."


"Geez, Yoko! That's harsh!" D.S. whined.


"I'm torn, part of me finds this funny, another part finds it sad to see
the great wizard brought low by a little girl."


"GARA!"


"Sorry Yoko!" Gara apologized. Then sighed to himself, Man, she has me
ass-whupped too! Damn!



Announcer: "Thank you all for watching, please tune in tomorrow for another
episode of "Talk to Me."



"Hey! What about us? We didn't get any airtime!" Miaka complained.


"Be glad, be very glad. I am. Let's get out of here before it's too late,"
Yui stated as she grabbed Miaka arm, and started hauling her away. "C'mon
guys! It's time to get out of here, while the goings good."




Disclaimer: I don't own any of these characters. They belong
to whoever created them, whoever that may be. This little fan fiction is
meant as pure harmless fun, and as such, no profit is being made from it.