Battle Arena Toshinden Fan Fiction / Ranma 1/2 Fan Fiction ❯ meta mst of Battle Arena Toshinden: No battles today ❯ meta mst of Toshinden: No battles today ( One-Shot )

Disclaimer: Mystery Science Theater 3000 is the property of Best Brains Inc.

Ranma

Battle Arena Toshinden is the property of Takara.

The original fic is the property of CATS.

The original mst is the property of J-boogie.

Hi. Just letting you know that this is my first meta mst, so please go easy on me. Also, for the record, this is my 3rd mst. Finally, ">>" is the original fic, and ">" is the original mst. With that said, on with the meta mst.

In a not too distant future,

Somewhere, in time and space.

Mike Nelson and his robot pals

are trapped in an evil place.

They try to survive, the wrath of Pearl,

just an evil gal who wants to rule the world.

In her castle below, she sets her sights above,

just to torture all the captains on the satellite of lo-ove!

PEARL: I'LL…GET…YOU!!!

PEARL: I'll send them cheesy web posts.

The worst, I can find. (lalala)

He'll have to sit and read them all,

while I monitor his mind. (lalala)

Now keep in mind Mike can't control

where the postings begin or end. (lalala)

He'll have to keep his sanity

with the help of his robot friends.

<<<Robot Roll Call>>>

CAMBOT! (You're on!)

GYPSY! (Oh my!)

TOM SERVO! (Let me at `em!)

CROOOW! (We want out!)

If you're wondering how they eat and breathe,

and other science facts. (lalala)

Then repeat to yourself it's just a post,

you should really just relax, for….

Mystery Science Theater 3000…..

[1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, Bridge ]

S.O.L.

We can see Mike, Tom, Crow, and Gypsy playing a game of Monopoly. Let's see up close.

"Six, seven, eight, and nine." Said Crow. "Ha! I buy the short line! I now own all three railroads! Beat that!"

"Geez, Crow! It's just a game!" said Gypsy irritably. "Do you have to do that every time it's your turn?"

"You're just jealous cuz I got the skills."

Mike has now turned towards the camera, and is now speaking.

"Hi. Welcome to another episode of Mystery Science Theater 3000. Right now, we're just playing Monopoly, and Crow just taken his turn."

"Speaking of which." Interrupted Crow. "Isn't it now your turn? Or did talking to Cambot interrupt your senses again?"

So Mike took his turn. He rolled the dice, and moved his piece on the Boardwalk. "I'll buy it."

"Damn it!" exclaimed Crow. "Now you have a monopoly!"

"It's my turn." Said Gypsy. She picked up the dice with her mouth, and then dropped them on the board. She moved her piece, and landed on GO. "I passed Go! I collect 200 dollars."

"My turn." Said Tom. "Maybe I'll get doubles this time, and finally get out of jail."

"Why don't you just pay the 50 dollars?" asked Mike. "You've rolled ten times already, and still no doubles."

"Besides." Continued Gypsy. "The rules say that you have to pay after the third attempt."

"And give in to `the man?'" said Tom. "I don't think so! That's just what the `man' wants me to do!"

"You don't have any money, do you?"

"………….Not enough. Nobody's been landing on my property!"

Suddenly, the mad lights flashed.

"Hold on." Said Mike. "You know who's calling."

Mike pushed the button, and Pearls face appeared on the projector.

CASTLE FORRESTER

"Hello, my little lab rats." Said Pearl in a malicious tone. "I hope you're having a wonderful day."

S.O.L.

"Yes, quite." Answered Crow. "I'm winning at Monopoly."

"What makes you so happy?" asked Mike. "Last I checked, you were still angry at your failed Goddess experiment."

CASTLE FORRESTER

"The Lawgiver swore never to bring a goddess as a special guest ever again." Said Bobo.

"Yes, I did." Continued Pearl. "And you're quite observant, Mr. Nelson. In fact, I have just the fic that'll really drive you insane. It's a mst of a mst."

"In other words, a meta mst." Finished Bobo.

S.O.L.

"What are those?" asked Mike.

CASTLE FORRESTER

"Glad you asked." Said Pearl in delight. "A meta mst is a bad fic mixed in with an obscure riffing crew. In other words, your jobs plus theirs."

S.O.L.

"Sounds complicated." Said Tom.

CASTLE FORRESTER

"Oh it is. But before we send it to you, let me introduce you to our special guest. Brain Guy! Send them the guest!

"Yes, ma'am." Said Observer. Then he used his mind powers to teleport the guest to the satellite.

"He already knows what needs to be done, so just get acquainted for a while. Enjoy." Said Pearl, and then broke transmission.

S.O.L.

This guest was a very short, and very old man. He had a bald head, with white hair on the sides. Crow recognized him instantly.

"It's Ranma

"Pleased to meet you." Said Happosai. "Now if only I had my personal stash of womens undergarments. That fat hippo won't return my treasures to me until I've finished watching this crap!" Then he broke out into tears. "It's inhuman I tell ya! Inhuman!"

"Well, the sooner we get this over with," Mike started, "the sooner we can unite you with your……um………belongings."

"Yeah." Said Crow. "In the meantime, could you let us in on how you were able to acquire so many bras and panties?"

Before he could answer, the siren rang.

"No time now!" exclaimed Mike. "We got fic sign! Happosai, follow us!"

So the group rushed towards the theater.

**************************************************************** **********

[6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1, Theater ]

*everyone takes their seats, with Happosai on the corner next to Crow*

HAPPOSAI: I hope there's a lot of female nudity in this fic.

CROW: I hear ya.

MIKE: *groans*

>Insane Fanfiction Theater 3000 #1!

MIKE: This "day" has become insane!

TOM: And "this" theater "is" sane?

>Battle Arena Toshinden: No Battle's Today

CROW: Or tomorrow for that matter.

>Written by: CATS

CROW: Damn!

HAPPOSAI: What's wrong with CATS?

CROW: He's a bad lemon writer.

HAPPOSAI: You're point?

CROW: That writes horribly, and often bisexually.

HAPPOSAI: O_O! This won't end well.

>MSTed by: J-Boogie.

BOTS: Let's boogie to J-Lo!

>On: 3/20/98

>

>Disclaimer: Alright, first things first.

CROW: (as Fat Bastard) Where's yer shitter!? I've got a turtle- *beak is shut by Mike*

MIKE: Don't finish that.

> I mean NO, and I mean absolutely

>NO, insult to the writer. This is his/her/its/whatever story,

HAPPOSAI: I guess he/she/it/whatever wants to cover his/her/its/whatever's ass real well.

CROW: Why is this reminding me of Oscar?
TOM: *shudders at the thought*

> and this is

>merely a form of C&C.......and also I'm bored.

MIKE: Join the club.

TOM: Wouldn't it be great if "everyone" thought of riffs as C&C?

MIKE: Wishful thinking, but a nice one.

> Hey, if anybody wants to MST

>my stuff just go to http://members.aol.com/WHolden535/ranma.htm

MIKE: Pearl just did.

>And now......onto the MSTing!

>------------------------------------------------------------ ----------------

CROW: Let the torture begin!

TOM: Please sign on the dotted line.

> In a nondescript city in America,

TOM: I just didn't feel like descriptions.

> a sixteen year old boy was bopping

>down the street.

MIKE: *singing* Just bop it!

CROW: So "he" put the bop in the bop-shi-bop-shi-bop!

> It had been a very good day. Nobody bothered him, he aced

>all his tests, and he was getting ready to go on vacation! Yup, nothing

>could ruin his day.

MIKE: Then along came Pearl, and decided to do something about it.

CROW: Nothing could ruin his day………except for that truck heading his way.

> "Hip, hop, da hippie, da hippie to the hip hip hop--"

TOM: This guy must be a Rebublican.

MIKE: What makes you say that?

TOM: The way he's beating and hopping on that hippie.

MIKE: *groans*

> And as we watch him disappear in a flash of light, we should note that

>nothing stays excellent for very long.

>------------------------------------------------------------ ---------------

MIKE: Tell us about it.

CROW We haven't had an excellent moment ever since.

TOM: So do yourself a favor, and hope that the light you're walking into to is the sun.

CROW: Hold on. I forgot to do a line joke………Look at the winding road.

TOM: It's a one way street.

>"And you don't.....Huh?!"

>"Greetings, Ryan!"

CROW: (as Death) I've come to take your soul away!

> Ryan, the aforementioned boy, turned around to face a monitor which

>showed the face of his supposed captor. It was....it was....

CROW: Michael Jackson!

TOM: Run for your life!

CROW: And your ass!

MIKE: Crow………

HAPPOSAI: Actually, that "was" kind of funny.

> The face of a 13 year old kid. Not surprisingly, Ryan was pissed.

>

>"Hey! What the hell do you think you're doing?! AND WHERE THE HELL AM I?!?!"

HAPPOSAI: You'd think that he'd let us know that earlier.

> <Ok>, he thought, <He's laughing at me.> "Ah, that's usually Ryouga's line

>isn't it?"

>"Eh? What does an anime show have to do with anything?"

MIKE: Same thing we'd like to know.

>"Oh, anime is my life! Especially those darling lemon fanfics.

HAPPOSAI: You bet!

CROW: Bad adolescent! Bad!

TOM: 80% of all lemons are evil!

> Why Ryan, I

>thought that you would recognize me!"

TOM: (as Ryan) How the hell am I supposed to do that?! This is text only!

>"Why should I know who YOU are?"

>"Oh, but you should know me by my consorts......"

CROW: Doesn't he mean "cohorts?"

MIKE: *looking through dictionary* I'm trying to find that out.

> The scene on the monitor panned back to show that the boy was wearing...

>eww...tight leather clothes.

HAPPOSAI: Now "that" is disgusting!

CROW: *covering eyes* Put something over that!

> Ryan squinted at the screen, and then gasped

>as he realized who were kneeling beside him.

>

>"But...th-that's...Felicia from Darkstalkers?!?! And Artemis from Sailor

>Moon?!?!"

MIKE: *confused* But why would that weird looking boy have Felicia and Artemis as cohorts?

CROW: *nervous* I think I might have an idea.

TOM: *chanting* Please don't let it be who I think it is. Please don't let it be who I think it is………

> His eyes went wide as he realized who his captor was. "No....no!

>You're DEAD!! NO!!!"

>"Nope, I'm not dead. But I'm glad to see you know who I am!"

MIKE: Could this be………

HAPPOSAI: Who?

CROW: *chanting what Tom was chanting earlier*

TOM: *chanting, and is starting to overheat.*

>"You-you're......OSCAR!!"

>"Right!"

CROW: Noooooooooo!!!!!!!!!

TOM: Aaaaaaaaaaaahhh!!!!!! *head explodes*

CROW: Not him! Anyone but him!!

MIKE: So "this" is Oscar? I can see why you guys hate him so much.

HAPPOSAI: He doesn't look so tough. Why are you so scared of him?

MIKE: *whispers the detail to Happosai*

HAPPOSAI: O_O! What!? That's sick!!

>------------------------------------------------------------ ----------------

>Theme Song:

>In the not too distant future,

>In fact it's at the present date,

>There was a boy named Ryan,

>Who was going to meet his fate,

TOM: *head is repaired* And "we're" about to meet ours!

CROW: Pearls gone "too" far this time!

TOM: Dr. F "still" gives us nightmares from Oscar!

>He was to read fanfics his captor said

>Who turned out to be Oscar but wasn't he dead?

>And it seems that old Oscie is touched in the head

TOM: To put it lightly.

>Because Ryan was teleported to a place called Hentai Space....

>(Argh! What now?!?!)

HAPPOSAI: Hentai Space. Sounds like a paradise.

CROW: Normally, yes. However, Oscar is in it, so I want to be as far away from there as possible!

>Oscar'll send him crappy fanfics, the worst he can find(Lalala!)

TOM: The worst?! He "is" the worst!

MIKE: Not necessarily. Remember Robert Tsunai, and Hachi-Machi?

TOM: Good point.

>In order to find the exact one that will send him out of his mind(Lalala!)

>Now Ryan just can't control when the fics will begin or end(Lalala!)

>But to keep his sanity, he has the help of some Anime friends....

CROW: Friends? Hahaha!

MIKE: Be nice.

>ANIME ROLLCALL!!

>Ranma!! (I don't belive this!)

HAPPOSAI: Ranma's in this? I feel sorry for him.

>Akane!! (Oscar no Hentai!!)

CROW: You're right. He's "much" worse.

>Ryouga!! (Where am I--Oh.)

>Ukyou!! (This just sucks.)

TOM: I couldn't have said it better myself.

HAPPOSAI:*sighs* All of those girls, and Ranma can't even pick one.

CROW: Let's just hope that Ryan doesn't either.

>Now you're probably wondering how they'll eat and sleep

>and other science facts (Lalala!)

>but just remember it's just fiction

>so you should really just relax!!

CROW: Ha! Like we'll ever listen!

>On Insane Fanfiction Theater 3000! (Twang!)

>------------------------------------------------------------ ---------------

TOM: Clang!

CROW: Bleep!

MIKE: Bop!

HAPPOSAI: Honk!

CROW: As long as it isn't "shwing!" I'll be able to contain my RAM chips.

> <Calm yourself man.....you've gotta figure out why you're here...>

>"Ok, why am *I* here?!?!"

TOM: (as Ryan) Yeah, I'm slick.

>"Ah, you see, I only wanted people to think I was dead. All over the net,

>people thought I was a simpering fool, just because I ASKED for people to

>MST my works!

TOM: Actually, that not why people hate you.

CROW: And don't blame us. Blame Dr. F!

> My stories had vision!

CROW: (as Oscar) And they made people blind!

> What I wanted was revenge. Revenge

>on all of those that would mock my work!

TOM: Watch out, Megane 6.7.

CROW: And Evil Eye.

MIKE: Shouldn't you guys be cautious as well?

BOTS: O_O! Eep!

> And who better to help me get that

>revenge?!"

>

> Oscar stopped his soliloquy and peered down at Ryan, who had fallen asleep

>from boredom.

CROW: Ryans' pretty bold, I'll give him that.

TOM: Yeah. Personally, I'd be afraid to fall asleep in front of Oscar.

CROW: *shudders at the thought*

"WAKE UP!!"

>"AH! What?!"

>"Ahem. As I was saying, who better to get my revenge?! Well, who better than

>the same man who sent my work to Joel and the bots!?!"

CROW: You know something, I'm starting to like Ryan. He made us sound so patriotic.

MIKE: He said; "the same man who sent the work."

>"Oh Lord, you don't mean......"

>

> Ryan blinked as the screen split in half, one half still showed Oscar

>while the other half showed.....

>

>"Dr. Forrester?!?! Alright, my life has gone insane. So what do you have

>in this?"

BOTS: O_O!

TOM: Dr. F?! "You're" the one responsible for this?!

CROW: Damn you, Dr. F! Damn you straight to hell!!!

>"Well, boobie, I decided to enlist the help of a writer who was SO vile,

>that he put fear into the hearts of men when his name was uttered!

HAPPOSAI: Judging from the expressions of those two, I'd say that he was right.

MIKE: Boobie?

>Unfortunately, Ratliff was busy, so I enlisted Oscar."

>"Hey!!"

CROW: Actually, we would've preferred Ratliff over Oscar.

TOM: I'll take on a hundred Marissa's before I'll take on one Oscar!

>"Anyway, in good taste...heh...::snicker::...

CROW: Dr. F was always so lame.

TOM: Some things never change, I guess.

>I am going to let you enlist

>four people to help you, no matter what show, universe, or whatever!"

>"Four huh? Hmm....let's see....."

CROW: *sarcastic* Gee, I wonder who he's gonna pick? Oh yeah! Could it be, Ranma, Ryoga, Akane, and Ukyo?

TOM: *ditto* Wow! How did you guess?

MIKE: Alright guys, go easy on him. He has Oscar as his tormentor, remember?

CROW: Poor guy. I pity him.

>------------------------------------------------------------ ----------------

TOM: S.O.S! S.O.S! Get us out of this fic quick!

> It was a mediocre day in Nerima. It was one of the few days where

>absolutely nothing was happening. Big shock, isn't it?

HAPPOSAI: To tell the truth, it "is" a big shock.

MIKE: Probably because "you're" not around.

HAPPOSAI: True.

> Anyway, Ranma, Akane

>and Ryouga were at Ucchan's for lunch.

>

>Ranma: I'm telling ya, something's gonna happen. I just know it!

>Akane: And just WHY do you believe this?

>Ranma: My excellent sense of warning, that's what!!

BOTS: *laughing*

HAPPOSAI: If that were true, he wouldn't get hit by Akane so much.

> He would have continued talking, if he didn't find himself embedded

>in the counter by a UFU (Unidentified Flying Umbrella).

CROW: Must….resist….riffing….bad….pun!

>Ryouga: Just like you sensed that?!

>Ranma: Listen up pig boy.....

HAPPOSAI: Pig boy?

MIKE: No P-chan?

TOM: (as Ranma) I'm feeling a little generous today. Next time, I'll call you Charlotte.

>Ukyou: ::sighs:: Can't you two go fight outside!?!?

TOM: (as Ranma) But we fought outside already! I want to fight "inside" for a change!

> All further conversation was cut off as all four disappeared in a flash.

>

>Customer: Um, does that mean I won't be getting my order now?

CROW: (as customer) Yes! My first cameo appearance!

>------------------------------------------------------------ ----------------

MIKE: Betsy Ross, the early years.

> Ryan was sure he was going insane. <Ok....I've got a 13 year old leather

>freak who likes cats keeping me prisoner,

CROW: Reason enough to go insane.

> I just found out that Dr.

>Forrester and everything I know about MST3K is real....

CROW: *crosses arms* You mean you thought we weren't? You've just insulted me!

>and I've got four

>really powerful martial artists brawling on the floor. Damn.>

CROW: (as Ryan) This just isn't my day. I was hoping for an all female cast!

HAPPOSAI: Notice how he didn't say; most powerful? That's because "I'm" not there, and very thankful for that.

MIKE: But you're "here."

HAPPOSAI: Better than being with a hermaphrodite, cat loving, super saiyan wannabe freak!

MIKE: True.

>Ryan: Um, excuse me?

CROW: Do you have any Grey Poupon?

> He backed up as he found himself at the end of a massive glare down.

>

>Ryan: I'm not a martial artists, I don't want to challenge anybody, I don't

>want to marry anybody, and this isn't my fault!

CROW: Whew!

MIKE: What's the matter?

CROW: This Ryan guys gonna be alright. Not "once" has he tried to make himself an "all powerful" being.

TOM: You know something, you're right! The mst is heading off to a pretty nice start, minus the Oscar part.

MIKE: I have a feeling that the original fic isn't going to be so nice to us.

> They all nodded to themselves and looked towards the monitor.

CROW: (as Ranma) He's right! Down with Oscar!

>Oscar: Yes, I'M the one that brought you here.

>Dr. F: Actually, it was MY equipment.....

CROW: *to the fic Oscar* Yeah! Don't make things worse than they already are!

TOM: *to the fic Forrester* And stay out of this!

>Oscar: Whatever. Anyway, you four have been brought here to be tort-..er

>I mean, you four are here to participate in an experiment. You are going

>to view some fanfics, and...just go out of your way to comment. Toodles!

BOTS: *surprised* Well I'll be damned!
HAPPOSAI: What's so surprising?

TOM: Oscar actually spoke a whole paragraph without even "one" misspelling or "Oscarism."

HAPPOSAI: *confused*
CROW: If you've ever seen an Oscarfic, you'd understand.

>Ranma: I have a bad feeling about this....

>Ryan: You don't know the half of it....

CROW: And you don't all of it! At least "you" only had to read it in mst form! "We" had to read its original work!

MIKE: Still, at least "you guys" don't have to see Oscar everyday for the rest of your lives.

CROW: This is true.

TOM: We love you, Pearl!

> The Nerima gang stood up and looked around.

MIKE: (as Ranma) Graffiti time!

> Well, the place actually

>looked nice. Quaint, seemed to have a few bedrooms.....in fact only 3.

MIKE: Poor guys. At least "we" get to have our own rooms.

CROW: We never knew we had it so well.

>It seemed like sleeping arrangements would have to be figured out.

>

>Ryan: I call this one for myself.

>Ranma: What? Says who?!

>Ryan: Says me. You can't hurt me, cause I'm not a martial artist! Nyah!

>Ranma: Grrr....

HAPPOSAI: He's got a point.

TOM: (as Ranma) Damn my code of honor!

> An argument MIGHT have broken out, but the sirens started blaring.

>

>Ryan: Never thought I'd say this....but WE'VE GOT FANFIC SIGN!!

MIKE: Hey! That's "my" line!

>All: AAHHHH!!

BOTS: And that's "our" line!

> They all ran into the theater, and luckily nobody tripped over anybody

>else. The seating arangement was as such: Ukyou Ryouga Ryan Ranma Akane.

>They all settled in as the story started.

CROW: Settled into their dooms.

>>This is a Battle Arena Toshiden story. It is by me CATS.

TOM: So the story was written by his cats?

MIKE: (as Pirate) Arr! And me pencils were made by me dogs!

>Ryan: ::mutters:: It figures..

>Ranma: Huh?

>Ryan: Um....::whispers something to Ranma::

>Ranma: ::gasps:: Good gods!!

>Akane: What?

>Ranma: You DON'T wanna know, trust me.

HAPPOSAI: Trust him on this one, Akane.

>>Battle Arena Toshinden: No Battle's Today

>>by CATS

>Ukyou: Repetitive, isn't he?

MIKE: Sure is.

>Ryouga: Well, give him a break, it hasn't even started yet.

CROW: Then "you've" obviously never read a CATS lemon before.

>Ranma: This won't be good....

>Akane: Your excellent sense of warning, right?

>Ranma: ::proudly:: Of course!!

HAPPOSAI: When this is over, remind me to hit Ranma upside the head before I leave.

CROW: Will do!

>>***The characters in this story were not made up by me. This is a lemon

>>fanfic

CROW: *sarcastic* Really? You mean you're not Takara Inc.?

TOM: *ditto* Wow! I didn't know that this was a lemon!

CROW: What an idiot!

MIKE: Alright guys. Save the insults for later.

>Ryouga: Ano....what's a lemon?

>Ryan: Wait for it.....

CROW: (as Ryan) Just a little more…….FIRE! Shoot Oscar now!!

>> so I hope you understand. It contains sexual acts

>Everybody minus Ryan: NANI?!?!

>Ranma: I TOLD you!

MIKE: Actually, it was Ryan that told you to wait for it.

>Ryouga: Now now, it might....::shuts up as he feels two females glaring

>at him::

>Ryan: Well, it MIGHT be......pleasant....

CROW: Yeah, and Oscars not just some cat loving freak!

>> between

>>several people. If you are not of the proper age, you know the deal.

TOM: Mike? What's the proper age for mentally insane?

MIKE: 12, I guess.

TOM: Well, it "does" explain Oscar.

>>Any suggestions are welcom at lionclaw@bellsouth.net. Address the

>>subject as "CATS".***

CROW: So is it "CATS. Punch you out 3 times?"

>Ryan: Dear God, if you're up there....please make this bearable......

TOM: I kinda doubt he's listening.

CROW: Yeah. If you were a good person, you wouldn't even "be" up there. We're living proof of that.

>> Eiji swam naked in a lake. He enjoyed to feel the

>>cool breeze of the summer's day.

BOTS: Aaaahh! Bad image!!

HAPPOSAI: My eyes! My beautiful eyes are ruined!!

>Ryan: ::looking up:: I asked you nicely!!!

>Ryouga: Ugh....nevermind....this is bad....

>Ranma: I--

>Akane: You say "I told you so" and I'll drive your head into your chest.

CROW: Is that even possible?

HAPPOSAI: For Akane, anything's a possibility.

>Ranma: Um....Didn't I say this would happen?!?!

>Akane: Baka! ::slams a mallet into Ranma's head::

CROW: What a liar! She didn't even attempt to do it!

>> He swam up dan down the lake, feeling

>>the currents across his body. He dove under the water and looked at all

>>of the fish that swam in the water with him.

MIKE: (as Eiji) Hmm. Now which one shall I eat first?

>Ukyou: <Random fish> Ah! Peeping tom!

CROW: You can do better than that, Ukyo.

>Ryan: <Random fish> Oooh! Look a worm! <Eiji> OW!!

>Everybody else just looks at him, shaking their heads.

MIKE: Crow!

CROW: What?

MIKE: Sorry. Force of habit.

HAPPOSAI: That was pretty good.

>Akane: And I thought Ranma was a pervert.....

>Ranma: Yeah.....HEY!!

TOM: I see Ranma is about as sharp as a wet noodle.

HAPPOSAI: That he is.

MIKE: I never understood why Akane thought Ranma was a pervert.

TOM: Maybe she's about as sharp as Ranma.

MIKE: Probably.

>> He needed time to relax

>>after his recent battle with Lady Uranus.

>Everybody snickers.

MIKE: *Groans* That joke is so over used.

TOM: I don't know. Sometimes it can be funny.

>> He floated on his back in the

>>shallow lake. He closed his eyes and dreamed of Sofia.

MIKE: I know I don't usually check for spelling errors, but isn't it supposed to be "Sophia?"

TOM: Has that ever stopped a lemon writer before?

MIKE: Good point.

>Akane: Aww, he's dreaming about his girlfriend.

>Ukyou: That's so sweet!

CROW: That all depends on your definition of "sweet."

>> He had always

>>wanted to fuck her

MIKE: *rolls his eyes* Of course.

HAPPOSAI: Hopefully, we'll get to see some of that lemon action.

CROW: Like we ever get the type of lemon that we want.

>Guys: Um....::duck under their seats::

>Ukyou: Why that sick little--ARGH!!

>Akane: Grrr...Eiji no Hentai!!

CROW: You mean they were surprised? What novices!

TOM: You're wrong, Akane. In this fic, Eiji "is" a hentai.

>> but he knew that he might actually fall in love with

>>her. If he did, then he would not be able to fight her.

MIKE: And this is bad, why?

HAPPOSAI: Why would you want to fight a girl?

CROW: Ask Oscar.

>Ryan: ::climbing back into his seat:: Boy, kinda like you and Akane, huh >Ranma?

>Ranma: Huh?!?!

>Akane: Well?

>Ryan: You know, why you can't hit her, because you're in love with her?

>Ranma: I am not! I just don't hit girls!!

>Ryouga: You fought Ukyou...

>Ranma: I thought she was a guy!! Uh....

>Ukyou/Akane: Baka!!

>Ryouga and Ryan duck as Ukyou AND Akane nail Ranma with a right cross.

TOM: You just gotta pity the stupidity of Ranma sometimes.

MIKE: He should've just kept his mouth shut.

>> He pictured

>>her naked, all the curves. He visioned her round breasts and gorgeous

>>pussy.

HAPPOSAI: *ogling the vision*

CROW: *ditto*

>> Soon his penis began to get hard and he knew he had to get out

>>of the water.

CROW: Before the fish started biting.

MIKE: Crow!

>Ukyou: <Oooh, he's getting out of the water....>

>Akane: <I wish Ranma thought of me like that....waitaminute, I do not! >Well..>

CROW: Peer inside of the minds of Ukyo the pervert, and Akane the lustful thinker.

HAPPOSAI: It "is" a possibility.

>Ryan: <Beans, beans, the musical fruit.....>

CROW: Good thinking. *thinks* (Meow-meow-meow-meow-meow……….)

>Ryouga: <Can't see how Ranma thought Ukyou looked like a guy...he even

>showed me her breasts....uh oh...nosebleed..>

CROW: That's Ryoga for ya.

>Ranma: <I'm gonna kill Oscar....>

TOM: By all means, go right ahead. And while you're at it, take down Rob Tsunai, Hachi-Machi, and Marissa while you're at it.

>> He swam to shore and grabbed his towel. He began drying

>>himself off, trying to made his dick go soft. He admired the size of

>>his cock. He loved the fact that it was 8 inches.

HAPPOSAI: Perhaps it's just me, but CATS seems to be a little, queer.

CROW: For my stomachs sake, I hope you're wrong.

>Akane: Oh, that's nothing compared to....um....

>She could practically feel everybody staying at her.

TOM: Come and "stay" at Akanes place!

CROW: Where she'll make embarrassing comments while you "stay" with her.

>Ryan: ::surpressing laughter:: Ranma's right?

>Akane: Right! ::thinks for a moment:: Eeep!

>Ryouga: RannnnMAAA!!

>Ukyou: Ranchan!!

>Ranma: Ack!

>Ryan: Stay with the story guys......

HAPPOSAI: As silly as that may have seemed, I needed something to take my mind off that bad Eiji image.

CROW: Yeah, me too.

TOM: Me three.

MIKE: There-there. It'll all be over soon.

>> His balls hang low

>>beneath his cock.

HAPPOSAI: Yep. This CATS person is definitely a queer.

>> He began to dry his hair just as he heard a noise.

>Ryan: <Hillbilly> Why lookie here, Jimbob! It's one o' them Asian fellers!

>And he's buck naked too! Looks like we're gonna have some fun tonight!

HAPPOSAI: *frowning* I fail to see the humor in that statement.

TOM: Low-blow, Ryan. Try to keep the gloves up.

>Ryouga: And what do you have against Asian's, gaijin?

>Ryan: Oh, jeez, it was a joke, alright?! Oy...

MIKE: (as Ryan) And by the way, what's "gaijin?"

>>He reached for his wsord

>>

>Ukyou: What the hell is a "wsord"?

>Akane: Your guess is as good as mine.

TOM: A winged sword?

MIKE: A whimsical sword?

HAPPOSAI: A whipping sword?

CROW: A wanging sword?

MIKE: That's enough, Crow.

CROW: Heh-heh.

>> and it wasn't there.

BOTS: *snickers*

>Ryouga: So if he knew it wasn't there, why'd he reach for it?

>Ryan: I think he meant to put a but.

TOM: Put a what?

MIKE: Putt a butt?

CROW: Mike?

MIKE: *shrugs* You can't have "all" of good lines.

>> He heard something come

>>from the bushes and he turned around.

>Ryouga: Ah! Cutie Honey!

>Everybody else: Huh?

>Ryouga: Um...nothing.

HAPPOSAI: I don't get it.

CROW: Try harder, Ryoga!

>> Something jumped out at him but

>>he couldn't see it. The thing landed on him and they rolled on the

>>ground.

CROW: *making Dino noises*

MIKE: Down Dino! Down!

>Ranma: ::gasps:: Happousai's gone yaoi!

HAPPOSAI: What?! I'll get you for that, you young whippersnapper!

>Ryouga: Why do you say that?

>Ranma: Who else can jump to grope somebody and not be seen until he's feel

>it?

>Everybody else: ::thinks about it:: Hmm.....

BOTS: Hmm……..

HAPPOSAI: *grumbling*

>> Eiji tried his best to get whatever it was off of him. He

>>reached to grab it's head and felt hair. It was sort of long hair,

>>maybe shoulder length. He knew then it was human.

CROW: That better be a female!

HAPPOSAI: *excited* I hope so too!

>Ranma: So much for that theory....

HAPPOSAI: That boy is getting a good beating when I get back!

>> He wiggled his body

>Ryan: Uh oh....I've got a bad feeling about this...

TOM: Thanks a lot, Ryan! That wasn't even going through my mind until "you" brought it up!

>>and then got the upper hand. He flipped over so that he was on top of

>>this person. By the strength of the person he could tell it was male.

TOM: Preparing to overheat!

HAPPOSAI: Preparing to commit seppuku!

CROW: Preparing to vomit!

MIKE: Preparing to die!

>Ryan: And that bad feeling just upgraded to imminent danger.

CROW: Yeah, thanks for jinxing us all, Ryan!

>>He finally got a look at the person's face. It was Kayin!

TOM: Now "I've" got an imminent danger feeling!

>> "Well it seems that you weren't ready for

>>battle!"

>Ryan: Well, no duh! How many people get ready for battle like that?

CROW: *sarcastic* Oh yeah! Many people get ready for battle in the nude!

HAPPOSAI: Except for Ranma and Akane.

>Akane and Ranma sneak a glance at each other, but say nothing.

HAPPOSAI: Told you.

>> Kayin said as he laughed at Eiji.

MIKE: (as Kayin) Boy you sure looked stupid!

>> Eiji laughed back and got

>>off of Kayin. They both stood to their feet and brushed the glades of

>>grass off their bodies.

>Akane: What's a glade of grass?

>Ryan: I'm assuming that's blade of grass.

TOM: I was assuming the same thing.

CROW: Unless it was snowing.

MIKE: That's "glacial."

CROW: Oh.

>> Eiji stood there, still naked.

MIKE: (as CATS) Did I mention he was still naked?

>> Kayin glimpsed

>>up and down his body, he could see Eiji was hard. He didn't know if it

>>was something else orwas it Kayin who made his dick stand at full mast.

CROW: That would depend on if this fic Eiji was gay or not.

TOM: (as Kayin) Ooh, I hope it's by me.

MIKE: Tom!

TOM: Sorry. I couldn't resist.

>Ranma gags. Ryan groans. Ryouga fakes hurling. Akane sighs. And Ukyou tries

>to knock herself out with her spatula.

CROW: Crow does this. @_@

TOM: Tom does this. ;_;

MIKE: Mike does this. e_e

HAPPOSAI: Happosai does this. >_< This had better not lead to a yaoi scene!!!

>Ryouga: Can I borrow that next?

>Ukyou: I don't need you making a dent with your rock hard head.

MIKE: That was pretty cold, Ukyo.

HAPPOSAI: Why? It's true.

>> "Looks like you are glad to see me" Kayin laughed as he pointed to

>>Eiji's hard dick. Eiji blushed and tried to cover up his cock. Kayin

>>stopped laughing and pulled off his shirt.

HAPPOSAI: *hitting his head on the seat* No! No! No! No! No!

TOM: *overheating* Must……stop……self……from……exp loding!!!

CROW: If they do anything else, I'm puking.

MIKE: I'm right behind you.

>Ranma: NO!! For the sake of humanity, no!!

>Ryan: It's Oscar, I'd expect this....

CROW: He's right, much to our demise.

>Akane: Just who in the hell is Oscar?!

>Ryan: Well, let's see. Oscar is a fanfic author who self inserted himself

>into his own stories about Sailor Moon. He has incredibly bad writing, is

>only 13, he SAYS he's a hermaphrodite.....I don't really care to find out,

>and he has a VERY big fetish for cats...ie: He wrote a lemon where he and

>Artemis.. ahem.

>Ukyou, Akane, and Ryouga: Oh....my....god.....

CROW: And that's just the outskirts of Oscar.

TOM: Let's just hope he doesn't go super saiyan.

MIKE: I'll poison myself if he does.

>> Eiji was confussed by what

>>Kayin was doing.

>Ukyou: That's "confused"!

>Ryan: That's right folks, if we see them, we'll correct them!

TOM: No, that's "con-fussed." "Confused" is another verb.

>> Sure he had thought of Kayin in sexual ways but he

>Ryouga:..suddenly realized this was the work of an insane person and went

>off to deliver the full wrath of the Hyakki Moushu Ken.

>Ranma: Been playing too many video games again, have we?

HAPPOSAI: How is it possible for Ryoga to play video games, when he's always getting lost? How can he even find his tv?

MIKE: Just smile and nod.

>Ryouga: ::takes out his umbrella and pulls Ranma out of his seat:: No,

>observe. HYAKKI MOUSHU KEN!!

>Everybody watched Ryouga use his umbrella to deliver the full Tohshinden

>Desperation Move smackdown.

>Akane: I give it an 8.

>Ukyou: I say 8 too.

>Ryan: Nah, I give it a 9. That was some excellent hangtime.

>Ryouga then dragged a battered Ranma back to his seat.

>>never thought it would come true. Kayin pulled down his white pants

>>slowly, giving Eiji a good show. He walked over to Eiji in nothing but

>>his boxers. He whispered into Eiji's ear "Is this how you wanted me?".

MIKE: *feeling ill* Here it comes…………

>Ukyou: <Eiji> Yeah, but I pictured that you took a dip in the Nyannichuan

>first.

TOM: Heh-heh. Good one, Ukyo.

>> Eiji was shocked and he started breathing heavily. Kayin slipped his

>>hand down Eiji's broad chest. He twiked and pinched his nipples.

HAPPOSAI: O_O! *is trying to give himself a concussion*

TOM: *head exploded*

CROW: *has just fainted*

MIKE: *looking at the Ranma crew* We'll let you guys have this one.

>Ryan: Who want's this one?

>Ryouga: It's tweaked, right?

>Ryan: Right. Whoever wants to leave now, say aye.

>Everybody else: HAI!!

>Ryan: That's not what.....oh forget it.

>Everybody got up and made a mad dash for the door, which unfortunately was

>locked.

TOM: *head is repaired* That never works, no matter how many times we've tried it.

MIKE: But didn't Ryan just say………never mind. It really doesn't pay to think in fanfiction.

>Oscar: <Over the loudspeaker> Bad subjects! You have to stay through the

>entire thing! Now sit down!

CROW: *wakes up* (as Oscar) Or you'll all be my new kitties!

TOM: (as msting crew) We'll be good! We'll be good!

>Which they did, grumbling.

>> Eiji

>>closed his eyes and grunted. Kayin slipped his hand further down Eiji's

>>body, slowly reaching towards his cock.

>Ranma: Akane.....do you have any of your cooking on you?

>Akane: Wh-what? Why?

>Ranma: Because....I need something to knock me out, and your cooking always

>does that.

>Akane: Baka!! ::mallets him::

CROW: Akane! You're cooking sucks!

MIKE: Nice try, Crow.

CROW: Hey, I tried.

HAPPOSAI: *pulls out a cookie* Good thing I saved this. *eats it, then gags and then passes out*

TOM: Lucky bastard!

>Ryouga: Hmm, that's not a bad idea..

MIKE: (as Ryoga) Hit me too! Hit me too!

CROW: (as himself) Me too! Me too!

MIKE: She can't hear you, Crow.

CROW: It was worth a shot.

>Akane: Well, here's one for you too! ::mallets Ryouga as well::

>Ryan: Damn! Now they're both out!

>> He rubbed his hand across his

>>six pack stomach, feeling the begining of his pubic hair growing at his

>>lower end of his stomach. Eiji's breaths became quicker, almost

>>pleading with Kayin to grab his sitff meat.

>Ryan: ::squirms in his seat:: I wanna go home....

>Ukyou: What's wrong with you?

>Ryan: Ahem. If this had two women having sex, how would you feel?

CROW: I'd feel great.

>Ukyou:.....oh. This is still bad though, but I see what you mean.

MIKE: Um, guys? Is it alright if we take a break?

BOTS: Fine by us!

PEARL (from intercom) It's almost over! Now stay there!

HAPPOSAI: *wakes up* Almost over? Whoo-hoo! Yipee!

>> "Seems you boys are having a bit of fun, eh?"

>>Sofia said as she emerged from the bushes. Both men broke apart, trying

>>to make what was obvious unknown. Sofia walked closer to them and they

>>both noticed that she was naked.

>Ryouga and Ranma chose that moment to wake up.

MIKE: Wait a minute. Where did she come from?

CROW: Who cares?! It stopped the yaoi scene!

HAPPOSAI: Yess!! Female lemon action at last!

>Ryouga/Ranma: <Eiji/Kayin> Well, we couldn't really have fun until YOU

>showed up!

HAPPOSAI&CROW: You can say that again!

>> They admired the curves of her body,

>>the smooth skin.

Akane: The cat o' nine tails she held in her hands.....

Ryan: <Eiji> Er, what's that for?

Ukyou: <Sofia> ::giggles:: Oh, we're just going to have some FUN! Down on

your knees, dogs!

CROW: Actually, I wouldn't mind that at all, minus the pain.

>> They watched as her round breasts bounced as she

>approached them.

HAPPOSAI: *is hugging the screen*
CROW: Hey you! Down in front! Get out of the way!

>> "So you fellas are looking for a little fun" she said

>>in a sweet Russian voice. She walked over to Eiji and grabbed his cock

>>feircely. "You're pretty big Eiji" she said as her pussy began to drip.

TOM: She got wet just from grabbing it?

CROW: Out of the way, Happosai!

>Ryan: <Sofia> Yes, I was so tired of using my fing--OW!

>Akane: ::putting away her mallet:: Hentai.

HAPPOSAI: *is now back in his seat* I think I'll stay here for a while.

BOTS: *leaning closer* Let's see some action!

>> Her cunt was becoming very wet as she fondle the warrior's rod in her

>>hands. She rubbed all 8 inches in one hand and then knelt down in front

>>of him. She opened her mouth and slid his dick in her mouth.

>Everybody starts shifting in their seats uncomfortably.

>Ryan: <Damn good time for me to not have a girlfriend...>

MIKE: You can say that again.

HAPPOSAI: *is peering closely at the screen*

>> She

>>slowly licked the length of his shaft. Eiji closed his eyes once again

>>and enjoyed the feel of Sofia's mouth. She licked at the pink head of

>>his prick, savoring the taste of his pre-cum. She opened her mouth wide

>>and Eiji shoved his whole dick in her mouth. She almost choked as she

>>got used to the length of his cock. Eiji moaned and groaned as Sofia

>>ran her mouth up and down his dick.

>Ryouga: ::tugs at his collar:: Guess she used to be a sword swallower...

CROW: Good one, Ryoga.

TOM: He's finally learning how to riff.

>Akane: ::pulls out her mallet:: Hen...oh it's not even worth it anymore.

>::puts it away::

MIKE: Now "she's" finally learning that hitting people during a bad fic is pointless.

>> Eiji began rocking his hips in

>>motion with Sofia's sucking. Kayin stood to the side, jacking his 9

>>inch dick.

CROW: Oh please! More like 9 millimeters!

>> He brushed the blonde hair out of his eyes and contiued

>>rubbing up and down the shaft of his cock.

>Ryan: Talk about taking things into your own hands!

>Ryouga and Ranma stay silent for a moment, then shake their heads.

BOTS&HAPPOSAI: *chuckling at the riff*

MIKE: *groans*

>> Sofia would take Eiji's cock

>>almost all the way out and then go all the way back in. The hairs

>>around his cock tickled her nose.

CROW: *eyes catch on fire* AAagh! Bad image!

MIKE: *puts it out*

>> Eiji couldn't take it anymore and he

>>let out a loud moan as he came in her mouth. Cum ran down the sides of

>>her mouth as she tried to take it all in.

>Ranma: ::comes to a decision, turns to Akane:: Akane?

>Akane: Huh?

>Ranma: I love you. Do you love me?

>Akane: Um..yes! ::grabs his hand and drags him off::

>Ukyou: Hey! Oh....

>Ryan: Down to three for now....

HAPPOSAI: About damn time, too!

TOM: (as Ranma) *holds out hands* Hmm. Should I watch the lemon, or admit my love to Akane?

CROW: To IC or not to IC. That, is the question.

MIKE: (as Ukyo) Hmm. Ranma and Akane are about to have sex. I think I'll just sit here and let it happen.

>> Sofia stood to her feet and walked

>>over to Kayin. He was sill pulling on his cock when she got over to

>>him. She reached out for his dick and began pulling on it. He moaned

>>as Sofia jerked on his cut cock.

>Ryan: Now see? That's what happens when you wank off with a sword.

>Ryouga: Ouch.....

CROW: That sounds incredibly painful.

>> She slid her slim fingers to his

>balls. She rolled them in her hand and Kayin groaned. "You're dick is

>much bigger and thicker than Eiji's" Sofia said as she lead Kayin to the

>grass.

MIKE: (as Eiji) Thanks for hurting my pride and feelings, Sophie! ;_;

>> She sat him down and got on top of him.

>Ukyou: Oh.....hell. We'll probably get together in the end anyway. ::grabs

>Ryouga's hand and drags him off::

>Ryouga: Wha...huh? ::gets dragged off::

CROW: (as Ukyo) Come on, Ryoga! We're going OOC too!

TOM: (as Ryoga) But wait! I like being IC! Please don't make me OOC!

HAPPOSAI: Sex, sex, everywhere, and I don't get to see it! *is now in tears* It's just not fair!

>> She then grabbed his

>>cock and let it to her pussy. She rubbed the head against her entrance,

>>moaning as it rubbed against her smooth pussy.

HAPPOSAI: *is now up close to the screen*

CROW: He acts like he's never seen a lemon before.

MIKE: Don't forget. Happosai's perversion is an addiction.

CROW: True.

>Ryan listened to the moaning and squealing coming from the corners of the

>theater.

>Ryan: Ah, to hell with this. ::goes to sleep::

TOM: (as Ryan) To hell with watching! I'm going to sleep!

MIKE: Actually, that's a good thing. It might tempt him to use "author powers", and end up having sex with one of the female characters.

TOM: Well in that case, sleep away, Ryan!

>(A few minutes later...)

>Ryouga and Ukyou finally returned to their seats. Well, Ukyou wound up

>dragging Ryouga back to his.

TOM: (as Ryoga) That wasn't fair! I was the only one still IC!

> Ryan woke up as soon as they sat down.

>Ryan: So, had fun?

>Ryouga: Gah....

>Ukyou: I would say so. Ranma and Akane are still at it?

>Ryan: Yup.

>> They all cleaned each other up and

>>got dressed. Eiji left the lake remembering all his dreams of what

>>happened.

HAPPOSAI: WHAT?!?! They skipped the sex scene?! How could they?!

MIKE: Count your blessings, Happosai. There was probably a lot of yaoi in there.

HAPPOSAI: Hmm, good point. I'll be quiet for now.

>Ranma and Akane returned as soon as the last word appeared on the screen.

>Akane: Well, I was right. He WAS bigger....

>Ranma: Yeeeeee...

CROW: P-chan was there?

MIKE: Don't start, Crow.

CROW: What? I was just curious.

>Ryan: Ah, the happy squeal of someone very happy

CROW: (as Ryan)………someone please shoot me. I just made a bad sentence of redundancy.

MIKE: Be nice, Crow.

CROW: Sorry, but once again, I couldn't resist.

>....well, we can leave now.

>They all got up, Ukyou dragging Ryouga, and walked out of the theater.

>------------------------------------------------------------ ---------------

TOM: As soon as they're finished, we'll be as gone as the trail of that line.

> After a bit of wandering, they had found that the place even had a

>complimentary longue!

TOM: Wow! A complimentary "loungue!"

MIKE: (to Tom) Is that sarcasm?

TOM: I'm not sure. It's kind of hard to tell now.

CROW: (to Mike) How come "we" don't have a complimentary "loungue?"

MIKE: We do, Crow.

CROW: I know, but I want a "loungue," not a "lounge."

> They all sat down and tried to stomach what they just

>went through.

MIKE: Considering that they weren't even there during the lemon scenes.

CROW: Ryan was……….kind of.

>Ryan: Well....we've survived.

>Ryouga: I found out something....

>Ranma: What's that?

>Ryouga: I haven't gotten lost once in this place!!

>Ranma: What!?!?

>Ryouga: Nope, I haven't gotten lost once.

HAPPOSAI: For Ryoga, that's an all time record!

>Ryan: Well, we still have to figure out room arrangements.....

>Akane: Oh, that's easy. I'm sharing one with Ranma.

HAPPOSAI: *gaping in surprise*

>Ukyou: And I'm sharing one with Ryouga.

BOTS: *also gaping at the screen*

CROW: Um, Mike? Are we the only ones who think this is very strange?

MIKE: Just smile and nod.

>Ranma and Ryouga just grinned stupidly.

CROW: ……….Nah. Too easy.

>Ryan: ::sighs:: And I get my own room....

CROW: (as Ryan) Looks like I won't be getting any peep shows.

>Ranma: Just like you asked for.

>

> Oscar chose that moment to pop up on a nearby monitor.

BOTS: AAAAHH!!! It's Oscar!!

>Oscar: So! How was that last fic?

MIKE: Boring.

CROW: Stupid.

TOM: Short.

HAPPOSAI: A jip! There wasn't any interesting lemon, and it was all censored!

>Ryan: It....was alright.

MIKE: (as Ryan) Well, the parts that I was awake in, that is.

>Ranma: Very....stimulating, except for the beginning. Blech!

>Ryouga: Yeah, we could've gone without THAT!

MIKE: We could've gone without the fic.

TOM: (as Ranma) Stimulating……heh. I'm so funny!

>Oscar: Well, just wait until the next one!! And you thought that was bad...

CROW: (as Oscar) Wait until I make you read the uncensored version of Artemis lover and That girl!!

ALL: (as Ranma crew) AAAAAAHH!!!!

>Ukyou: Heaven help us all......

>

>Feeling impish, Ryan flung a cup of water at Ranma.

MIKE: (as Ryan) I've always wanted to do that!

>Ranma-chan: Hey! What'd ya do THAT for?!

>Ryan: Just wanted to see for myself. ::whistles:: Not bad.

MIKE: (as Ranma-chan) But I'm a guy!

CROW: (as Ryan)………So?

MIKE: *looks at Crow*

CROW: What? Happosai doesn't mind.

HAPPOSAI: Technically, it's still female flesh.

>Ranma-chan: Come back here!!

>

> And as everybody laughs, with Ranma trying to throttle a very scared

>Ryan,

TOM: Now "this" I'd like to see!

CROW: I'd laugh too, but only if Ranma caught him.

MIKE: Guys, be nice.

HAPPOSAI: I really need to get back to Nerima. I'm starting to feel faint.

MIKE: Is the fic too stupid?

HAPPOSAI: No. I just need to touch some female undergarments.

> we sign off for now.

>------------------------------------------------------------ ----------------

TOM: We lost the fic! Yay!!

CROW: *gets up to leave*

>Oscar: Hey! Where do you think you're going!

CROW: O_O! *runs to the door*

> Oh. Sorry.

>

>Oscar: Man, I've got to find something to drive them insane.

CROW: *sits back down* Another fic of you should suffice.

>Artemis: <How'd I get roped into this...> Master Oscar..::sticks out his

>tongue:: maybe you need to concentrate on the REALLY perverted stuff.

MIKE: (as Artemis) Maybe if I tell him what he wants, he'll skip tonights………session.

>Oscar: Hmm...you may be right...yes! I'll find the right story to send them

>off their rockers!!

CROW: I'll make a newer, more perverted version of Artemis lover!

TOM: Now "that" would be scary.

> You may now give me a tongue bath.

TOM: AAAHH!!! *head explodes*

MIKE: (to Tom) Don't worry. Nothings going to happen. It's just the closing.

CROW: *breathing heavily* I sure hope you're right!

>Artemis: ::shudders:: It's Felicia's turn!

>Felicia: Says who, furball?

>Artemis: Well, I was in bed with him last night!

>Felicia: And I was in bed with him this morning!

MIKE: I'm really starting to feel ill.

HAPPOSAI: Same here.

CROW: (to Mike) Now you know how "we" felt watching those Oscarfics.

>Oscar: Please, please! You can BOTH give me a tongue bath!

CROW: You've never experienced horror until you've survived an Oscarfic.

>Artemis: ::whispers to Felicia:: NOW see what you did?!

>Felicia: ::whispers back:: Me?! Why you overgrown doorstop....

>Oscar: I'm waiting......

>Artemis/Felicia: How much longer can this last.....

MIKE: I wish there was something we could do to help them.

CROW: Yeah………but that means having to meet Oscar face to face.

MIKE: *shudders* Well, they'll be missed.

>------------------------------------------------------------ ----------------

TOM: Flatline. I see Artemis and Felicia committed seppuku.

CROW: They're in a better place.

TOM: Any place is better than wherever Oscar is!

>MST3k is copyright of Best Brain's inc. Duh.

>Ranma 1/2 is property of Rumiko Takahashi.

>Sailor Moon is property of Naoko Takeuchi.

>And Darkstalkers is property of Capcom.

>Have a good day, everybody!!

CROW: I hope we do as well.

MIKE: Thanks for showing us how good we have it.

>"He needed time to relax after his recent battle with Lady Uranus."

TOM: Meh, an okay zinger I suppose.

MIKE: Well, time to go.

*The group leaves the theater*

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[1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, Bridge]

Mike and the bots are sitting on chairs, writing letters, while Happosai is curled up in a corner. Gypsy enters the room.

"What's going on?" she asked. "Why aren't we finishing the monopoly game?"

"In a moment." Answered Mike. "Just as soon as we're done writing these sympathy letters."

"After seeing what Ryan has to go through," Tom continued, "we feel very sorry for him. Anyone who can survive being around Oscar is one tough hombre."

"How terrible!" Gypsy said in a rather shocked tone. "Maybe I should write a letter too." Then she looked at Happosai's direction. "What's with him?"

"Japan panty complex." Crow answered.

"You mean like what Tom had when you guys watched "Invasion of the Neptune men?"

"Precisely."

"Hmm. Well, I better get started on my letter." Then she took out a piece of paper and a pen, and then began writing.

While everyone was writing, the lights flashed. Mike answered it. It was Pearl, of course.

CASTLE FORRESTER

"Hello, everyone." Said Pearl. "How did you guys enjoy the fic?"

S.O.L.

"We enjoyed it a lot." Mike answered. "Compared to what Ryan has to go through, we have it great!"

"We love ya, Pearl!" Tom said cheerily.

CASTLE FORRESTER

Hearing this made Pearl smile. "Well thank you very much. I'm touched! At least "someone" appreciates me!" She said this part while looking at Bobo, who was chained by the wrists while hanging over a pit of poisonous snakes.

"It's not that I don't appreciate you, Lawgiver." Said Bobo while trying to hoist his legs as high as possible. "It's just that I think there's a better way of testing the toxicity of snake venom than to actually get bit by one!"

Pearl then turned to Observer. "Brain guy. Can `you' think of a better way?"

"Hmm……." Then he grinned evilly. "Nope. Not a thing. Proceed, madam."

Then Pearl turned back to Bobo. "See? Now stop whining, and go test that venom!"

She then pulled a lever, and Bobo fell into the pit. Various rants, pleas and whimpers of pain could be heard. She rolled her eyes, and then turned back to Mike's direction. That was then that she noticed that Happosai wasn't there.

"Where's our guest? And what are you writing?"

S.O.L.

"Well," Mike started, "the lack of lemon caused Happosai to receive Japan panty complex, and the rest of us are writing sympathy letters to Ryan. After all, he could really use it."

CASTLE FORRESTER

"I see." Pearl said, and then turned towards Observer. "You can go ahead and send him back, Brain guy."

"Yes, madam." He then used his mind powers to teleport Happosai to the castle, and then hurl him into the portal. "He'll be alright once an attractive female is near."

Pearl turned back towards Mike's direction. "So, can I hear what you guys wrote?"

S.O.L.

"Sure thing." Crow said. "I'll start." He cleared his throat, and began to read.

"Dear Ryan, a.k.a., J-boogie,

After watching what you've been through, we couldn't help but sympathize how you feel. We knew that Oscarfics were evil and intolerant, but we're `very' glad that we never had to meet him/her/it face to face. My hat, that is if I wore one, goes to you. May your moments be tolerant, and your internet access be fast. Also, could you send me some scantily clad pictures of some of the Nerima girls?

Sincerely, Crow T. Robot."

"Ooh-ooh! Me next!" Tom said excitedly. Then he cleared his throat, and began to read.

"Dear Ryan/J-boogie,

I salute your bravery! That is I `would' salute you if my arms weren't too short. Not a bad choice of crew either. I just hope that those are alternate Ranma cast, rather than the actual cast. Otherwise, you'll have both Rumiko `and' Oscar to worry about. I hope you find a way to either escape, or kill Oscar. Either way is good. Also, is there any possible way to save at `least' Felicia? She doesn't deserve such horror! Not that Artemis does either, but, compared to Felicia…….anyways, I wish you many sympathies and stuff.

Sincerely, Tom Servo."

"I guess I'm next." Said Mike as he looked at his paper.

"Dear Ryan,

Be strong, and continue to not let Oscar break your spirit. Otherwise, we're all in trouble. On a lighter note, if P-chan were to be cooked and eaten, would he taste like pork, or human? Just curious.

Mike J. Nelson."

Everyone all looked at Mike in an awkward fashion.

"What? It was just a hypothetical situation."

"I'm done! I'm done!" exclaimed Gypsy. "Here goes." She cleared her throat, and read her letter.

"Dear J-boogie (I like that name better),

I can't think of much else to say except, good luck, and I hope you and your crew escape.

Signed, Gypsy."

CASTLE FORRESTER

"Hmm. Interesting letters." Said Pearl. "Brain guy, send the letters to the post office."

"Yes, madam." Then he used his mind powers to teleport the letters.

"Well, I'll let you guys go for now. Just be warned! I won't be so nice next time!" Then she looked down in the pit. "Brain guy. Get the crane, some anti-venom, some bandages, and call the vet."

"Yes, madam." Said Observer, who turned towards Mike, and then ended transmission.

S.O.L.

"Well, I guess we all learned something valuable today." Said Mike. "You never know what you have, until you see someone else in a worse situation."

"Especially if it has to deal with Oscar." Crow added. "But enough with that. Let's finish playing monopoly. I believe `I' was winning."

"Finally!" said Gypsy. "Let's go!"

End of meta mst

Well, that's it. Thank you all for reading, and thank you J-boogie for giving me permission to mst this. Please send feedback to evil_reviewer@hotmail.com

Also, feel free to read my other msts at the following;

www.mediaminer.org

Shinjis archive of anime msting

Just look under the pen name "Evil Eye."

Remember. I can only make my msts better with your feedback.

~>Oscar: Please, please! You can BOTH give me a tongue bath!~