Battle Athletes Fan Fiction / Fushigi Yuugi Fan Fiction / Princess Mononoke Fan Fiction / Pokemon Fan Fiction / Pokemon Fan Fiction / Sailor Moon Fan Fiction / Trigun Fan Fiction / Dragon Ball/Z/GT Fan Fiction / Magic Knight Rayearth Fan Fiction ❯ Anime Court ❯ The Case ( Chapter 2 )

The scene: Outside of a courthouse. AKARI stands holding a camera for ICHINO, who is dressed in a brown business suit holding a microphone.

AKARI: We'll be on in a few minutes.

ICHINO: (Pulling at her skirt) Man, this thing is annoying.

AKARI: But look at the bright side, Itchan. It makes you look like girl.

ICHINO: What'd you say? (Gets ready to punch Akari, but then notices a blinking red light on the camera.) Shoot! Are we recording now? Why didn't ya say something?

AKARI: (Starting to cry) I'm sorry, Itchan!

ICHINO: (Sighs and tosses her hair back.) Never mind. Lets get started. (Clears throat) You are about to enter the Anime Courtroom. The people are animated, the cases are written down in a script, and the rulings are more or less debatable. This is Anime Courtroom.

(Inside the court)

NURIKO: Will the parties step forward please?

NYAN-NYAN: Nyan-nyan!

ICHINO: Entering the courtroom now is the plaintiff. Miss Usagi Tsukino. Usagi is a first year high school student who fights evil by moonlight as the mysterious Sailor Soldier, Sailor Moon. She is suing the defendant for $$5,000,000 in property damage.

(USAGI enters with an agitated look to her face, stepping up to a desk with a sign in front reading "Plaintiff." REI and MINAKO are cheering from the audience.)

REI: Yea, Usagi!

MINAKO: You can do it!

REI: Beat that guy!

ICHINO: Next to Usagi is her legal representative Miss Umi Ryuuzaki. She is attending her last year of junior high at a private girls school where she is the captain of the fencing team. In her spare time, she travels to an alternate world called Cephiro where she is one of the mystical Magic Knights.

(Again, cheering from the audience.)

HIKARU: Yea Umi!

FUU: Do your best, Miss Umi!

ICHINO: If the audience members don't stop yellin' out every time I announce someone, we'll never get anywhere!

REI, MINAKO, HIKARU, and FUU: Sorry.

(VASH enters)

ICHINO: Entering from the opposite side of courtroom is the defendant Mr. Vash T. Stampede. He's a wanted outlaw with a craving for doughnuts who is haunted by chaos and mayhem wherever he goes. He is currently trying to rehabilitate his brother Knives from a life a mass destruction to that a normal functioning member of society.

(ICHINO is handed a card from the side and looks it over quickly before she reads it aloud. )

Um, the audience is reminded that any attempt to capture and turn the defendant in for cold hard cash will result in being banned from the courtroom. Thank you. (Shrugs her shoulders) Now here is Vash's lawyer. Mr. Jigo... uh, that's funny. I can't seem to find a last name.

(JIGO enters)

Well, he's a traveling monk from an ancient society where he is attempting to help rebuild a village after a rather nasty incident with a headless forest spirit. He loves money, enjoys obtaining riches, and his hobbies include such leisurely activities as gaining wealth.

JIGO: (Bows) Thank you.

ICHINO: No one's cheerin' for you, ya miser!

JIGO: Hey!

NURIKO: And now will you all rise for the honorable Judge Taiitsukun.

NYAN-NYAN: Nyan-nyan!

(Everyone rises)

TAIISUKUN: Sit down!

(Everyone sits down)

TAIISUKUN: Miss Tsukino, it is your claim that the defendant Vash has caused serious property damage and you would like to be compensated.

USAGI: That's correct, your honor.

(Usagi glares at Vash, whose cheeks turn red as he waves at her sheepishly. Usagi looks back at Taiitsukun.)

TAIISUKUN: Why don't you tell me, in your own words, what happened.

USAGI: Well, your honor, a thousand years ago in my previous life, I was the princess of the moon kingdom, which obviously dwelt on the moon. We had a very happy kingdom, it was very prosperous, a lovely place really.

TAIISUKUN: Point made. Continue.

USAGI: Well, our kingdom sadly came to an end. So my mother sent me and my allies to the future of earth. That's present-day, your honor.

TAIISUKUN: I see. So is there still a kingdom on the moon?

USAGI: Well, no. It was destroyed. But you see, the moon is still of high significance to me, so I was very upset when I found out that this idiot over here thought he could just blow a hole in it!

JIGO: Objection!

UMI: Hey, you can't object when my client is talking!

JIGO: Be quiet. Your honor, there are lots of holes on the moon. They're called craters! Which one are you referring to?

USAGI: The really big one, of course!

UMI: The one your client made!

JIGO: You can't prove anything!

VASH: Actually...

TAIISUKUN: Be quiet! No conversing between sides, understand?

UMI and JIGO: Yes.

TAIISUKUN: Miss Tsukino, please tell the court about the day in question.

USAGI: Hmph! Well, it was a normal day as far as I could tell. It was a Saturday. I know it was a Saturday because I didn't have school that day. So my friends and I went to the arcade. I played a game of Sailor V. I love that game. But Minako-chan always beats me on it...

TAIISUKUN: A-hem! And the property damage...?

USAGI: Oh yes. Well, I heard this really loud bang. So I turned to Minako-chan, and I said, "Did you hear that really loud bang?" Then Minako...

TAIISUKUN: You can't use what Minako said as evidence. That's hearsay.

USAGI: She didn't say anything. She was playing the Sailor V video game. She got to the fifth level.

Taiitsukun. Oh. Continue.

USAGI: Well, being a video game addict myself, I wasn't about to interrupt Minako. Not when she was on the fifth level of Sailor V and all. So I went outside to investigate.

(USAGI suddenly becomes very dramatic)

That's when I saw it!

TAIISUKUN: Saw what?

USAGI: A huge hole had appeared right in the face of my beautiful home! It was terrible! Awful! I didn't know what to do!

TAIISUKUN: So what DID you do?

USAGI: Well, first I called my friends for emotional support. I cried for hours, your honor. Then we set off to investigate the incident. Our investigations led us to find that the defendant was the culprit!

(USAGI points an accusing finger to VASH, then starts to cry on UMI's shoulder.)

TAIISUKUN: Well, Vash, this is a pretty serious accusation. What do you plead?

VASH: In all honesty, I have to admit that I...

JIGO: He pleads not guilty, your honor!

TAIISUKUN: Is that so?

Vash (to JIGO): Hey, wait a second! That's not what I was going to say!

JIGO (to VASH): Trust me. I know what I'm doing. Those snotty girls have nothing. You want don't want something like this on your record, don't you?

VASH: I've got a price on my head of $$60,000,000,000. What do I care if this is on my record? Besides, I really did...

UMI: Hey, what are you two jabbering about over there?! And how dare you call me snotty!

JIGO: Shut up, snotty!

UMI: Grr...

TAIISUKUN: Miss Tsukino, as you know, you cannot be compensated for losses unless you have proof you suffered loss. Do you have any photos are this Moon Kingdom of yours?

USAGI: Cameras were not invented at that time, your honor.

UMI: But we do have witnesses to testify.

TAIISUKUN: Very well.

UMI: A-hem. I'd like to call Miss Haruka Tenou and Miss Michiru Kaiou to the stand.

(Haruka and Michiru stand up and walk over to the witness stand.)

TAIISUKUN: State you names please.

HARUKA: Haruka Tenou.

MICHIRU: Michiru Kaiou.

TAIISUKUN: And what is your relationship?

MICHIRU: That depends. Is this fanfic dubbed or subtitled?

TAIISUKUN: Huh?

MICHIRU: If it's dubbed, then we're cousins.

HARUKA: I think meant what's our relationship to Usagi.

MICHIRU: Oh. Sorry.

TAIISUKUN: That's fine.

HARUKA: We're soldiers of the outer solar system. Our duty is to protect Usagi from any harm.

MICHIRU: We also provide emotional support for when she fails her English tests.

USAGI: Michiru!

TAIISUKUN (to UMI): You may question the witnesses.

UMI: Thank you. So, the two of you were both Sailor Soldiers in your past lives, just like my client.

HARUKA (leaning in towards the microphone): That's correct.

UMI: And what were your occupations?

MICHIRU: To guard the outer Solar System and keep watch over the Moon Kingdom.

UMI: So you saw this Moon Kingdom with your own eyes.

HARUKA: We stared at it day in and day out our whole lives! Of course we saw it!

MICHIRU: Haruka, calm down.

HARUKA: Sorry.

UMI: So you would describe this "Moon Kingdom" as happy? Prosperous?

MICHIRU: Most definitely. It holds a special place in both our hearts.

UMI: Then I suppose the land on which this Moon Kingdom thrived also holds a special place in your hearts?

HARUKA: Of course it does. We were devastated to find out there had been damage caused to it.

(UMI nods confidently.)

UMI: I have no further questions.

(VASH raises his hand.)

VASH: Can I question the witnesses?

TAIISUKUN: I suppose so.

Vash (standing up): Okay, then I have a question for Miss Michiru.

(MICHIRU looks up expectantly.)

VASH: Are you available and if so would you be interested in going out with a tall handsome guy in a red trenchcoat?

MERYL: Vash! How could you?!

MICHIRU (smiling): Maybe to both questions.

VASH: Cool!

(MICHIRU giggles and HARUKA sweatdrops.)

HARUKA: Geez, Michiru! You're such a flirt.

MICHIRU: It's a talent I have.

HARUKA: Uh-huh. Sure. (Looks over at NURIKO) Hey, check out the bailiff.

MICHIRU: Haruka!

HARUKA: Sorry.

TAIISUKUN: The witnesses may now step down.

JIGO: We have witnesses as well, your honor.

TAIISUKUN: Very well. Call them.

(A small black CAT walks up to the witness stand.)

CAT: Meow.

VASH: A cat? It looks vaguely familiar...

JIGO: It was the best I could do on short notice.

TAIISUKUN: And how do you plan to have the cat testify?

JIGO: With the court's permission, I am prepared to offer a translator.

TAIISUKUN: (Sighing) Proceed.

(MEOWTH enters.)

VASH: Hey, that guy looks familiar too.

MEOWTH: (Speaking to the audience) Hey there, how ya doin'?

MEOWTH walks past PIKACHU and waves.

PIKACHU: Pika-pika!

MEOWTH: Me? I'm doin' okay, thanks for asking. But I gotta admit, I don't like the police all around this place. (Stands in front of the witness stand and looks up at Taiitsukun) Not that I have anything to hide, you understand.

TAIISUKUN: Jigo, you may question your witness.

JIGO: Thank you, your honor. Now, Mr. Cat, you say you saw the defendant on the day in question.

MEOWTH: (Turns to Cat) Meow-meow. Meow. Mw-me-meow.

CAT: Meow.

MEOWTH looks confused.

TAIISUKUN: What did he say?

MEOWTH: He said `Meow.'

TAIISUKUN: We all heard that! What did he say in human language?

MEOWTH: The same thing. Meow. That's all he said.

TAIISUKUN: That's all?

MEOWTH: Yup.

CAT: Meow.

TAIISUKUN: So in other words, your witness has a one-word vocabulary?

MEOWTH: Guess so.

TAIISUKUN: (To the CAT) You may step down now.

CAT: Meow. (CAT steps down.)

JIGO: Hey, I didn't even ask anything!

TAIISUKUN: Sit down!

(ICHINO sneezes)

HIKARU: What's the matter?

ICHINO: I-I uh... uh... A-choo!

AKARI: Itchan allergic to cats.

HIKARU: Ooh.

ICHINO: (blowing her nose and speaking in a nasally tone.) Shut up, Akari. (Turns to the camera) We'll be back in a moment with Judge Taiitsukun's decision here on Anime Court.

ICHINO: Welcome back, to Anime Court. The case has been heard. The wheels are in motion. And right now Judge Taiitsukun is ready to rule in someone's favor. What will be the verdict? Let's see. (Turns towards to court room.)

TAIISUKUN: A-hem! After, much deliberation, I have finally arrived at a decision. My decision is that...

VASH: Just hang on a minute!

(Everyone stops and stares at VASH in awe. VASH sweatdrops.)

VASH: Um, sorry, but I've got something to say.

JIGO: Vash no! Don't do it!

VASH: I have to. It's the right thing.

JIGO: Who cares about the right thing? Come on, don't do this to me! Please!

VASH: You're getting hysterical, you know.

TAIISUKUN: Bailiff, please restrain the defendant's lawyer.

NURIKO: (Winking) No problem.

(NURIKO grabs JIGO and pulls him out of the courtroom, with JIGO kicking and screaming about losing his paycheck the whole time. We hear a large crash and NURIKO comes in dusting off his hands with a mischievous smile on his face. The audience sweatdrops and Vash clears his throat.)

VASH: Anyway, I'd just like to say, before you make your ruling, that I did in fact, blow a whole in the moon.

(The audience gasps and USAGI looks faint. She falls into UMI's arms, who sits her up, trying to fan her.)

VASH: It wasn't intentional. Honest. It was just that my arm was turning into a giant gun and I was going to cause massive destruction to wherever it was aimed. What with the earth being populated by human beings and all it seemed at that point that the moon was a much better option.

TAIISUKUN: Hmm... This is interesting new evidence. I can see your reasoning, Mr. Vash. But a desire to protect humans from destruction is no good reason for blowing a massive hole in someone else's celestial body.

USAGI: That's right! (Begins bawling)

VASH: I'm sorry, your honor. Miss Tsukino. But you know, if you fill it with water, it would make a very nice swimming pool.

(USAGI suddenly stops crying.)

USAGI: Hey, I never thought of that! What a good idea!

TAIISUKUN: (To NYAN-NYAN and NURIKO) How much does it cost to fill an average crater-sized pool?

NYAN-NYAN: Our estimates say that a large number of anime characters seem to posses the ability to make water appear out of nowhere. Nyan-nyan!

NURIKO: So it shouldn't be that much at all.

TAIISUKUN: Hmm.. very well then. I award $$5000 to Miss Tsukino to fill the pool. Her pain and suffering losses shall be compensated as follows. Everyone in this room is hereby ordered to show up at her first pool party. Case dismissed!

USAGI: All right!

(USAGI jumps up and gives UMI a high five.)

FUU: But wait a moment. We are merely here as an audience. How can we be part of the verdict?

HIKARU: Who cares, Fuu? It's a pool party! On the moon!

FUU: True.

(The audience begins filing out. As everyone is leaving, MICHIRU is seen holding onto VASH's arm very affectionately. VASH seems a little embarrassed. NURIKO and HARUKA walk by, talking very friendly to each other, followed by ICHINO who is still blowing her nose with the CAT walking right behind her. They all pass by GOKU and VEGETA.)

VEGETA: So where's the court case we were supposed to go hear?

GOKU: I don't know. We just now showed up, but it looks like it's over.

VEGETA: I don't think the author likes us.

GOKU: You're probably right.

(The End!)