Beyblade Fan Fiction ❯ Love: Lost and Found ❯ Prologue: Alone in the Dark ( Chapter 1 )
[ X - Adult: No readers under 18. Contains Graphic Adult Themes/Extreme violence. ]
By: AretsuCielCorrea 
Ray Kon is the narrator of this story and you will see just how great of a life he really has.
Anime/Manga: Beyblade Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Drama / Hentai / Romance / Suspense / Angst / Shounen | Type: Yaoi | Uploaded On: 07.27.2011 | Pages: 1 | Words: 765 | Visits: 271 | Status: Work In Progress
Ray Kon is the narrator of this story and you will see just how great of a life he really has.
Anime/Manga: Beyblade Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Drama / Hentai / Romance / Suspense / Angst / Shounen | Type: Yaoi | Uploaded On: 07.27.2011 | Pages: 1 | Words: 765 | Visits: 271 | Status: Work In Progress
My names Raymond Kon. It was supposed to be Raymond Kon Hiwatari but life came rough and harsh and blew its icy cold winds through the horrible thing a called a life. I sit here in the darkness of the hospital room alone and scared . . . thinking about everything that happened until this very moment.
If it wasn't for my stubbornness . . .
If I wasn't stuck in my poor helpless miserable past . . .
If I just opened my heart up sooner.
I didn't think that losing the companionship of someone close to you would be so difficult to comprehend. I didn't even think- didn't even know that this person meant so much to me until the very end. I didn't think that because of his absence all of my suicidal thoughts from years back would break into the surface of the here and now and haunt me.
I honestly didn't think that these thoughts would ever come back.
I didn't know that while stumbling through the darkness that is once again my life I would've found the key that I threw away and unlocked the door to all those horrible thoughts and memories . . . from only so long ago.
All those memories of being brutally raped, mentally, physically, emotionally . . . verbally even. They're all coming back.
My father . . .
My mother . . .
Lee . . .
My friends . . .
All the things they said and done.
Stuff that I locked away-that I thought I locked away.
Stuff that I locked away . . . just to be with him.
I heard that there was a logical explanation for everything that happened. But for all the crap that happened to me . . . to this day I still haven't found one.
It would make sense that since he's not here by my side protecting me all these things would come back and haunt me. I mean I'm not happy right? The fact that the only other person I've ever loved is laying on a hospital bed dying right in front of my eyes is the main reason why I want to jump off a cliff and kill myself right? Why I want to feel the intense burning of all the pain inflicted on me as I slowly die is because I'm depressed right? I don't fight for life! Are you depressed and want to kill yourself? Well guess what, I am too, let's make a cult!
I then took out the small knife that I kept as a symbol of strength after I finally left home. Put enough force into it and you've got yourself a powerful yet dangerous weapon. I wondered if it would rid me of this place. I already knew that he was going to leave me. Why should I have to suffer through life without him by my side? Wouldn't it be fair if I went with him?
I looked at the small mirror as I fiddled with the knife in my hand. I looked horrible. I mean I heard of 'waking up on the wrong side of the bed' but damn! Then again I've been in this hospital for almost two weeks now. Can't blame a guy whose worried sick can you? I then turned the knife over in my hand and looked at my arms. Any traces of past suicide attempts were long gone but as the memories came back so did the scars. I saw them clear as day. I could make one more that would end it all right here. Right now.
Something white caught my eye and I looked over to see the white violets that I had brought two days ago. I wondered . . . if I left them who would take care of them. I didn't think he would. Tyson and Max are good for nothings anyway they wouldn't do it. Man . . . I really can't leave them.
Who knew that just to get rid of this pain of lost I would want to stab my heart a million times over?
I looked over to his bed and smirked, knowing what he would say if he knew what I was thinking. I sighed with tears in my eyes. He would be sad if I did that . . . I didn't want that.
I looked away from him, over to the flowers, down to the knife, caught the faint glimmer of the ring, up to the mirror, saw my reflection again and cried.
If it wasn't for my stubbornness . . .
If I wasn't stuck in my poor helpless miserable past . . .
If I just opened my heart up sooner.
I didn't think that losing the companionship of someone close to you would be so difficult to comprehend. I didn't even think- didn't even know that this person meant so much to me until the very end. I didn't think that because of his absence all of my suicidal thoughts from years back would break into the surface of the here and now and haunt me.
I honestly didn't think that these thoughts would ever come back.
I didn't know that while stumbling through the darkness that is once again my life I would've found the key that I threw away and unlocked the door to all those horrible thoughts and memories . . . from only so long ago.
All those memories of being brutally raped, mentally, physically, emotionally . . . verbally even. They're all coming back.
My father . . .
My mother . . .
Lee . . .
My friends . . .
All the things they said and done.
Stuff that I locked away-that I thought I locked away.
Stuff that I locked away . . . just to be with him.
I heard that there was a logical explanation for everything that happened. But for all the crap that happened to me . . . to this day I still haven't found one.
It would make sense that since he's not here by my side protecting me all these things would come back and haunt me. I mean I'm not happy right? The fact that the only other person I've ever loved is laying on a hospital bed dying right in front of my eyes is the main reason why I want to jump off a cliff and kill myself right? Why I want to feel the intense burning of all the pain inflicted on me as I slowly die is because I'm depressed right? I don't fight for life! Are you depressed and want to kill yourself? Well guess what, I am too, let's make a cult!
I then took out the small knife that I kept as a symbol of strength after I finally left home. Put enough force into it and you've got yourself a powerful yet dangerous weapon. I wondered if it would rid me of this place. I already knew that he was going to leave me. Why should I have to suffer through life without him by my side? Wouldn't it be fair if I went with him?
I looked at the small mirror as I fiddled with the knife in my hand. I looked horrible. I mean I heard of 'waking up on the wrong side of the bed' but damn! Then again I've been in this hospital for almost two weeks now. Can't blame a guy whose worried sick can you? I then turned the knife over in my hand and looked at my arms. Any traces of past suicide attempts were long gone but as the memories came back so did the scars. I saw them clear as day. I could make one more that would end it all right here. Right now.
Something white caught my eye and I looked over to see the white violets that I had brought two days ago. I wondered . . . if I left them who would take care of them. I didn't think he would. Tyson and Max are good for nothings anyway they wouldn't do it. Man . . . I really can't leave them.
Who knew that just to get rid of this pain of lost I would want to stab my heart a million times over?
I looked over to his bed and smirked, knowing what he would say if he knew what I was thinking. I sighed with tears in my eyes. He would be sad if I did that . . . I didn't want that.
I looked away from him, over to the flowers, down to the knife, caught the faint glimmer of the ring, up to the mirror, saw my reflection again and cried.