Beyblade Fan Fiction ❯ Running Scared ❯ Just A Man ( Chapter 10 )

Authoress' Notes: I'm a bit behind in my updating…I know! I've got waaaaaaaaaay too many projects going on at once here. *sweatdrops* Well, at least my muses are earning their room and board in my brain, right? ^-^

Warnings: Same as Chapter 1. See chapter 1 if you're that concerned about it.

Disclaimers: I still don't own anything, and that includes Just A Man, by INXS. That's their song.

Reviews: Big thanks to my continuous reviewers! *huggles all* @ AFF.Net: XZanayu, Bloody Mary, L, & Brickwall; @ my group: Weeping Sweeti, Yami Dranzer, & Salima; & @ Mediaminer: Flamable-Devil (Jen!). *showers all with Dragoon plushies that purr*

blah - normal speech, blah - thoughts, {blah} - telepathy, //blah// - electronic speech (com-links, computers, etc.)

Chapter 10: Just A Man

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Our three teammates were waiting for us on the front steps of the mansion. It was nearly 8:00 pm when I pulled up and shut the engine off. Tyson didn't say anything to me. He just slid out and opened the back door on his side to let out Rei while I yanked Bryan out on my side and led him to the steps.

"Shift back and go sleep it off, Rei. You've done more than enough for one day." I said as he padded up next to me with a wide yawn that showed off all his gleaming, sharp teeth. I laid a hand on his head briefly and he rewarded me with a purr of thanks and went over to the other side of the SUV, out of sight.

"That's what Rei looks like when he shifts?" Max asked, awed. "He's so beautiful."

I smiled faintly, hoping Rei had heard that comment and was planning on doing something about it later. "Yes." I agreed, since it was true, and noticed the folded blanket in his hands, forgotten. I glanced over at the Toyota, watching as a golden light emminating from the other side faded away. "Why don't you take that blanket to him, Max. It's getting chilly out." I suggested before I dragged Bryan up the steps and inside, the Chief, Hilary, and Tyson following behind.

I took Bryan up to the library and sat him down in one chair before I removed my scarf from his head. He blinked owlishly as his eyes adjusted to the light.

"What the hell is going on?!" He blurted out, staring at me with a combination of supreme confusion and not a little bit of fear. "You're dead! I was there!"

"I'm not the one you should be wondering about, Bryan." I sat at my desk and leaned my elbows on the desktop, watching him critically. "You should be asking that about Boris. I sure as hell am. After all, I'm the one that killed him."

Kenny and the others looked at me in surprise. I don't blame them. No one knows what really happened in that room that day - accept me and I've never told anyone. Not Mr. Dickenson, and not Rei…and, of course, not Tyson.

Max joined us then. "Rei's out cold. I guess he'll sleep for a while. So…what'd I miss?"

"Kai…just confessed to killing Boris." Hilary stated. Max frowned in confusion, bless his blonde heart.

"You mean today? At the club? He was there?!"

"No, Max. Seven years ago." I shook my head, not taking my gaze off Bryan. I didn't want to look at Tyson, see the accusation and loathing he surely felt for me now. It was my darkest secret - the one that continued to eat at me even though I was glad Voltaire and Boris were no longer around to plague the world with their evil.

I'd been only fifteen years old and I'd killed not one but two people in cold blood - by lighting them on fire with my abilities and leaving them to burn to a crisp. Then, as an after-thought, blowing the Abbey into smithereens anyway.

Bryan was nodding slowly. I guess things finally made a great deal of sense to him now. "I see."

"What are you doing in Russia, Bryan? And why were you at that club?"

"I finished my mission in Rio de Janeiro early. When I got home I found three messages waiting for me. One was from Mr. Dickenson about something really urgent. The second was from Tala, warning me that he was on a priority Alpha mission and an obscure statement about our pasts coming back to haunt us. He also told me to disappear for a while."

I absorbed that and filed it away for future reference. I didn't necessarily believe him, but I'd see. "Let me guess. The third was from Boris."

"Yes. He wanted me to come here, to Russia, and meet up with him." Bryan shuddered. "I wasn't about to. The man deserves to burn in Hell and whatever he's up to can't be good."

"Then why the hell did you come here?" Max demanded.

"Because when I contacted Mr. Dickenson back and told him about the message from Boris he told me Tala's MIA. I came to look for him."

I opened my mouth to scold him but was interrupted by Tyson.

"He's not lying." Tyson intoned. I looked at him sharply and saw that he was staring at Bryan, eyes distant. "Bryan is very concerned for Tala…because they've been lovers for many years now."

I blinked and looked back at Bryan, who was gaping at my beloved little dragon in complete shock, blushing furiously. "Huh. Didn't see that coming." I mused. "Still, you should have done what Tala told you and gone into hiding. I'm assuming you were in that club today for the same reason Rei was?"

"Fact-finding, yeah." Bryan nodded, tearing his gaze away from Tyson. "How'd he know about Tala and I?"

"He has his ways." Was all I would tell him. I sighed and ran my hands through my hair as I thought quickly. "Look, Bryan. I don't like that you're here, alone, looking for Tala. That's what we've been sent to do. Boris is going to want you back on his team again. And we can't allow that. So here's the deal: we're taking you back to the base with us tomorrow. After you've been debriefed and your story collaborated, I will recommend that you join us on our search - and only because I understand how you feel." I snuck a glance at Tyson. "I'd be worried too if my lover suddenly disappeared and a demon like Boris was after us."

"Thank you." He gave me a surprised, grateful look. I waved it off.

"Yeah, yeah. You'll have to turn over Falborg to Kenny until you're debriefed, though."

"Yes. I figured that." He dug his blade from his pocket and handed it to the Chief across the table.

"Good. Now, I'll warn you up front, Bryan. You can roam about this place freely but I will know your every move as soon as you make it. And there are no communications with the outside world so don't bother." He nodded in understanding and acceptance. He knew that what I meant was that though there were phones and computers and even radio-systems in the hose, he wouldn't be able to contact someone outside without me knowing about it. "Alright. We're all tired and we need sleep. Max will show you to a room, Bryan. I suggest we all get our rest. Goodnight."

I left then, feeling a desperate need to get out of the room as it began to feel much to confining and stuffy. I went to my rooms and poured myself a double shot of vodka, going out onto the balcony off my bedroom and leaning against the stone railing as I sipped my drink, savoring the slow burn of it down my throat. I stood there staring up at the stars and the moon, my emotions catching up to me after all.

He hates me. I thought. How could he care for me after today? How could anyone at all care about someone as…as evil as I am?

{I do.} Dranzer's voice was soft and concerned. I smiled weakly and sipped again, silent tears spilling over. {You're not evil, chibi. Perhaps you've done things you - and I and Tyson - would rather you hadn't, but that doesn't make you evil.}

{But…} I protested. Dranzer cut me off.

{You are not evil.} She repeated firmly. {You still feel, Kai, still care about the things you do. Evil cares for nothing and no one but itself. It holds no regard at all for life. You care very much, else you wouldn't do the job you do, live the life you've chosen.} My guardian poured her love for me into me and I shivered. {I am so proud of you, Hiwatari Kai. Think about what I've said, and don't give up on yourself and your mate so quickly. Like his Sacred Spirit, Tyson is far too strong-willed and has a great deal of perseverance. He is strong. Just give him time to adjust.}

If only I had time. I thought wearily, downing the rest of my vodka and turning to go back inside.

I stopped dead in my tracks when I saw Tyson standing in the doorway, studying me. The way he was looking at me made me feel so very bare - exposed and uncomfortable. I tore my gaze from his and walked past him, putting my glass away and moving to sit on the bed and drop my head into my hands. Tyson sat beside me, saying nothing for a moment. When he did speak, it definitely wasn't what I expected to hear.

"I love you, Kai."

Well, hell. What could I possibly say to that? Except…

"I love you, too." I sighed wearily and flopped backwards on the mattress. "But…?"

He sighed in exasperation and moved himself around to look down at me. "There is no 'but' Kai. You're putting yourself through unnecessary emotional trauma and guilt."

"Maybe. Maybe not." I jumped slightly when my cell phone went off, its ring startlingly loud in the quiet. "Damn it!" I dug it out of my pocket as I sat up and answered with a terse, "What?"

"Hello to you to." My scowl deepened at Enrique's smooth, slightly accented voice. "At least you're still alive. Planning on calling me soon? Or were you just going to leave me with my pen poised over your estate papers?"

"Quit whining. I've been busy. In fact, I'm still busy, so if you don't mind…"

"Yes, I know. It was all over the news on TV about a sudden explosion in Moscow that destroyed a club known to be a center for gang activities." I could picture Enrique giving me this patronizing raised eyebrow. "Been very busy, I see, firebug."

I snarled. "Do not call me that."

"Yeah, yeah. Look, since you're in such a rotten mood, let me brighten your day by informing you that your jet is waiting for you whenever you're ready."

I swallowed back a nasty name for him and said instead, "Good. Thank you." I said it grudgingly, with as much graciousness as I could muster.

"Hmm…wanna make it up to me?" He asked, slyly.

"What? You're salary isn't enough?" I said sarcastically.

"I resent that. I do not work and therefore do not earn a salary." He sounded vaguely insulted.

"Get to the point, Enrique."

"If it's not too much trouble, check your security cameras for your front gate."

I walked over to a panel on the wall and booted up the computer, checking over my security carefully. "What am I looking for, anyway? Everything's locked down and looks fine to…" I spotted the blonde Italian on the screen from one camera and groaned. "Enrique, what the hell are you doing here?" I felt Tyson come up behind me and look over my shoulder then snicker.

"I was worried. Besides, I've been moldering in Milan with nothing to do." He waved at the camera and I saw another familiar face pop up beside him. "Oliver, too."

"Fabulous." I entered the code to let them in. "Get in here, Enrique, before you two are spotted."

"Give us some credit!" Now he was definitely insulted. "It's freezing out here, Phoenix. Let us in, please?"

"I did. Push the gates open, moron."

Enrique did so and called me something not so nice in Italian. I laughed and waited until they were through, then locked the gates again and shut down the computer.

"It's getting to be a regular party around here." Tyson commented. I grunted and headed for the front doors to let Oliver and Enrique in when they arrived. He followed me downstairs.

Rei was just coming from the direction of the kitchens when we reached the bottom of the stairs. He had a plate of sandwiches in one hand and a glass of milk in the other.

"Hey, guys. What's up? I figured you two would be fast asleep by now."

I ignored him, being in an extremely pissy mood and not wanting to take it out on him, and went to the doors to admit the two European bladers that were just coming up the steps.

"We have guests." Tyson explained. Rei looked around him as Enrique and Oliver walked in, luggage in hand.

Rei blinked. "Oh. Hi, Enrique! Oliver!"

"Good evening, Rei." The French blader greeted him cheerfully. "Long time, no speak!"

"It's been a while, hasn't it?"

"You know where everything is, Enrique. Rei'll show you to a couple of rooms." I stated shortly and turned on my heel, stalking back upstairs. I heard Tyson apologize and come hurrying after me.

"Kai…" He began as soon as the bedroom door shut behind us. I shook my head and began undressing, intending to just crawl into bed and crash, to sleep off my mad. Tyson, however, had no intention of letting me do so, seeming to prescribe to that old wisdom about not going to bed angry. "Talk to me, love. I can't make you feel better if you don't tell me what's wrong."

I dropped my pile of clothes onto a chair and stared at him. "How can you not know? Telepathy and empathy aside, I would think you'd have a pretty good idea! Especially after all that you've seen today and all that you've found out about me."

"Is this about you killing Boris and Voltaire seven years ago?" He stared back at me in surprise. "Kai, it was self defense - and a long time in coming, if you ask me. I'd have done it a lot sooner than what you did, had it been me." He said fiercely, beginning to take off his own clothes as he spoke and I sat abruptly on the bed, confused. "And I don't like digging around through your head uninvited, I'll have you know. I'd much rather you tell me things yourself and show me that much trust and respect." Tyson padded over to me in his boxers and tipped my chin up with a finger. "I can tell something else is bothering you, though, by instinct. What is it?"

"What about today, Tyson?" I asked him. "How can you still care about me after what I did?"

"You mean the club?" He sighed and sat next to me on the bed when I nodded slightly. "Kai…I can't say I agree with the taking of life - anyone's life. That's just the way I am. I also know that sometimes it happens - in self-defense or in defense of others, as well as reckless killing and murder. But I know you, my fiery Phoenix, and I know that you are neither reckless nor a murderer." He took my hands in his and raised them to his mouth, placing gentle kisses to my knuckles and making me draw a shuddering breath or two. "You're just a man who does what you have to, Kai, and in this job of yours - this quest - casualties will happen. I don't hate you because I understand that and because I love you."

"But…you seemed freaked and ill earlier!" I protested.

"That was due to seeing all those bodies in pieces and scattered around the club, Kai." He shivered. "I'm not used to that sort of thing and wasn't really expecting the carnage when we walked in there. Most people would react the same."

"I'm not most people." I whispered, withdrawing from him, retreating to my empty mindset in an effort to protect myself. I felt cold and numb again, and while it felt wrong to have to be that way with the only person in the world I had never had to hide from this way, it also was a vast relief to be emotionless. If I hadn't been so numb, I might have flinched at Tyson's sad, hurt expression.

"Ah. I see. I'm beginning to understand now." He got off the bed and knelt down on the floor in front of me, staring up into my eyes unflinchingly. "This is what you're really afraid I'll reject you for. Because you didn't feel anything? Because you feel you've become a sociopath who can witness carnage - even perform it - and feel nothing?" He laid his hands on my knees and gripped. "Well guess what? You're not a sociopath, Kai Hiwatari. You're just a man, a rare sort of person who has the ability to separate himself from what's going on around him - and that helps to keep you, innocent bystanders, and your team, safe. It allows you to keep a clear mind and do what needs to be done, to keep calm in stressful situations. That's not a bad thing, my love. It's a part of what makes you such a great leader, why I've seen Max, Kenny, and Rei follow you willingly and with complete trust these last few days."

"How can you be so…understanding? So wise?" I stared at him incredulously. "Don't you get it, Tyson? I don't feel anything like this! I experience not one emotion as a normal human being should! It's not…natural!"

"But that's where you're wrong. Everyone has a place they'll retreat to where they'll feel safe. Most never have to use it - and they're the lucky ones if they don't. You have had more than enough reasons in your life, Kai, to need a safe place." His hands came up to lie against my cheeks. He stroked lightly with his thumbs and I just sat there, looking at him. He frowned a little and I wondered what could possibly be going through his mind at that moment.

"I think I just figured out something else, too." His vivid, storm blue eyes searched my own burning crimson ones for something. "This coldness of yours…it's what you really have been trying to protect me from, isn't it? Faking your death and letting me believe you were dead, the warnings you keep dropping…"

"For all the good it's done, yes." I admitted, voice dull. "I never wanted you to see me this way, Tyson. And I never wanted you to have to find your own haven like mine. I knew if you spent any great length of time around me and/or became an agent you would eventually and I couldn't bare the thought of it."

"So you hid yourself from me - just as you are right now!" His eyes flashed in anger and I just watched him and waited for the blow. "I can understand before. I am not mad about that any longer. It's right now that pisses me off, Kai. If you'll recall a recent promise you made, an oath you swore on these…" Tyson held up his inner wrists to my view and I shifted uncomfortably despite myself - at least I thought I didn't feel anything. "…you'll know why I'm mad at you now."

He was right of course. "What can I possibly say, Tyson? Everything I do when it comes to you…I just fuck it up somehow! No matter what my intention was." I said helplessly.

Tyson glared at me and stood up abruptly. "Is that how you feel about us? Our relationship? A fuck up?"

"No! I didn't mean that!" I protested, burying my face in my hands again. "See! Now I've done it again. Damn it, Tyson, you're the very best thing in my life! The light in my darkness! I could never think that about you! I love you." I whispered the last part.

He heaved a heavy sigh and sat down on my lap, winding his arms around me and resting his head on my shoulder. "I know. I know, Kai." He hugged me tightly in apology. "Sorry. You know my temper."

I shook my head and buried my face in his hair with a shuddering sigh of my own. I came out of my emotionless pit then, deciding it wasn't worth staying there and causing Tyson more pain. "I'm sorry, too. I get the feeling I'll be making a lot of apologies now that I'm with you again." I felt tears slip down my cheeks. "I have a lot to be sorry for."

Tyson raised his head and rubbed away the tears as they fell. "No. I say we put the past behind us, love, and start over again. We've both made mistakes and we both know we're sorry. We're learning from our errors and we're still together - that's all that matters, Kai." He drew my head down a bit and leaned up to kiss me gently. When he pulled back he smiled at me. "I love you."

"I love you." I replied huskily, cuddling him closer. "God! I don't know what I did to deserve you - I don't think I do, really. But I'm grateful."

He chuckled and played with a few strands of my hair idly. "And I say you do deserve me. Actually, I think you deserve better than me, but I'm not complaining." He pressed soft kisses to my neck and shoulder where his head rested with a happy little sound. "I've got you now and I'm not letting you go. Ever."

"Same here." I nuzzled him back fondly and yawned suddenly, everything that happened today catching up with me. My head was fuzzy and there was a dull ache building in my skull between my eyes. "Let's get some sleep, love. I've got a headache now."

"I don't blame you. It's been a stressful couple of days, Kai." Tyson pulled away and crawled up to the head of the bed and slid under the covers while I shut off the lights. I joined him in bed and curled into his side. He snuggled into me in return and gently began rubbing my temples to soothe my headache away.

It didn't take me long to fall asleep.

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I woke up feeling as if I'd slept for a week. I guess having the huge weights of my past removed, my darkest secrets revealed to Tyson and still being with him must have let me get the best sleep I've had in years - or maybe ever.

I stretched lazily and yawned, looking over at the other side of the bed, expecting to see my lover sprawled out there next to me. However, the spot was empty. I blinked stupidly a couple times then rolled out of bed and padded over to the computer panel.

After booting it up, I yawned again and activated the voice command so I could get dressed while I made inquires.

"Computer, what time is it?" I queried as I pulled on my socks.

//The current time is 10:23 am.//

"Is everyone still asleep?" I didn't really think so, but I figured I'd ask anyway. "Who is still in their rooms?"

//Subjects Enrique, Kenny, and Hilary are in their designated rooms. Subjects Rei, Max, Bryan, and Oliver are in the kitchens.//

"And Tyson?"

//Locating…// There was a pause and I glanced up at the computer with a frown of worry. //Subject Tyson is outside in the Courtyard.// I gave a sigh of relief.

After shutting off the computer again when I'd finished dressing, I went downstairs to the kitchens for my caffeine hit and some breakfast.

"Morning, sleepy!" Rei teased when I walked in. I gave him a mild glare and went straight for the coffeepot. "Where's Tyson?"

"Courtyard." I sipped carefully and sighed as the coffee slid down into my stomach. "Great coffee. Who made it?"

Rei crossed his eyes in annoyance and pointed at the green-haired Frenchman. "He did. Damn kid practically took over my kitchen this morning. He was already making breakfast at six when I came down!" Rei complained. I snickered.

"Your kitchen?" I asked, smiling when he glared at me and waved a spatula around for emphasis.

"I got here first, so it's my kitchen."

"Whatever." I glanced at Oliver. "Want a job? I could use someone who knows how to make a great cup of java like this."

"Ah…thanks, but no. I'd be wasted on such an occupation, Phoenix." He replied, graciously.

I shrugged. "Oh well."

Rei shoved a plate of food in front of me and said, "Eat! You haven't eaten much in the last couple of days and you're already too skinny."

"What are you? My mother?" I grumbled, but because I was hungry, I dug in.

Just as I was finishing, Enrique, Hilary and Kenny came in. I put my dishes in the dishwasher and downed the last bit of my coffee before making my way to the door.

"Where're you going, Phoenix?" Rei inquired curiously.

"Out to the Courtyard. It's time Tyson had his training."

I smiled to myself at the moment of dead silence then the scrambling noises and scrapping chairs as everyone got up and hurried after me.

I heard Max say, "This I have to see!" and Enrique reply, "I wouldn't miss it. I haven't seen Phoenix blade in quite a while."

"And I want to see what's so special about Tyson's blading skills." Kenny added, tapping his finger on his laptop tucked under one arm.

"Don't worry, Chief." It was Bryan who replied to that, surprisingly. "You'll get your chance."

"And believe me, you're in for a surprise." Rei agreed.

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Authoress' Notes: Yay! Okay, next chapter, I promise…Tyson blading! ^-^ Sorry for the delayed update! Please R/R!