Blade Of The Immortal Fan Fiction ❯ Abstinence Education ❯ Part Twenty-Three ( Chapter 23 )
[ Y - Young Adult: Not suitable for readers under 16 ]
By: Madame Manga 
Night falls, and her arms are empty...
Anime/Manga: Blade Of The Immortal Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Hentai / Drama / Samurai | Type: Continuation | Uploaded On: 04.18.2006 | Updated On: 06.13.2006 | Pages: 5 | Words: 6.3K | Visits: 925 | Status: Completed
Night falls, and her arms are empty...
Anime/Manga: Blade Of The Immortal Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Hentai / Drama / Samurai | Type: Continuation | Uploaded On: 04.18.2006 | Updated On: 06.13.2006 | Pages: 5 | Words: 6.3K | Visits: 925 | Status: Completed
Night falls, and her arms are empty...
The characters and universe of Blade of the Immortal/Mugen no Junin are copyright by Hiroaki Samura and do not belong to me. Not one sen will come into my hands in consequence of this story.
Warnings for sex in various forms, including quasi-incestuous themes and a sixteen-year-old female paired with an adult male. Violence and dismemberment are legally required in any BotI fic, so be prepared.
See the previous post in this journal for background; I haven't invented any of the circumstances of the characters' pasts.
Abstinence Education
by Madame Manga
Part Twenty-Three
“My hospitality must be only that of a public teahouse, I'm afraid, but I hope it is agreeable to your taste.” Makie put her samisen on the snowy tatami and indicated that Rin should take a seat.
“Uh...sure. I mean, of course, Makie-san.” Rin looked at the delicate, misty landscape painted on the paper walls of the private room and wondered how expensive this entertainment was going to prove. She knelt on a brocade cushion next to the tokonoma, which held a tall arrangement of chrysanthemums in a flaring vase.
Makie knelt on the cushion opposite Rin and smoothed her gown. Rin had never seen a woman wear such short sleeves, but for a fighter they were obviously practical. She was glad she had just had her own clothes cleaned, though her bright furisode looked girlish next to Makie's dark-blue elegance. She carefully folded her hands in her lap and looked out into the teahouse garden through the open shoji. An artificial brook tinkled over rounded stones at the edge of the broad veranda and into a pond bordered with carefully pruned shrubs. Ornamental carp occasionally disturbed the sun-reflecting surface, sending circles of glittering ripples across the water. Chatter and laughter penetrated from the adjacent rooms; the evening geisha parties were getting an early start.
“I'm afraid I interrupted your meal. Allow me to provide you with some refreshments.”
“Oh, that was just a snack–I'm not really hungry.” Rin smiled a little nervously and gave Makie a bow. “Please don't go to any trouble.”
Makie spoke to the waiting serving maid. “Shizuoka tea, please, and a dish of sweetmeats. Do you have any of the tiny pink cakes decorated with flowers?”
“Oh, yes, ma'am! They're our house specialty. My master says he's honored to serve you anything you wish.”
“A selection of those, then.” Makie turned to Rin. “Forgive my presumption in choosing for you. The cakes are exquisite...but you shall judge for yourself.”
“Please, not on my account.” Rin bowed again. “I'm used to very plain food...”
“You're my guest, and I wish to honor you with the best I can provide.” Makie also bowed. “I know that my appearance was unwelcome, and although a cup of tea can't make up for my inconsiderate intrusion on your time, at least you can moisten your throat while we talk.”
Rin was surprised how quickly her mother's polite phrases re-formed on her tongue. “It's kind of you to think of this humble person's comfort. Anything you approve must be the finest quality, Makie-san.”
Makie nodded at the maid. “Right away, ma'am.” The maid backed up on her knees, bowed and rose to move down the outside walkway.
Rin blushed and fiddled with her fingernails. She felt like a little girl playing at sophisticated social chatter; Makie must be laughing behind that smooth manner. Rin glanced up at her and met her sad, thoughtful gaze.
“You would do honor to the coarsest fare or the rarest delicacies, child. Though you have lived in hard circumstances, anyone would know you for a woman of gentle birth.”
“Oh? Uh, my mother...” She swallowed hard. “My mother was a good teacher.”
Makie was silent for a few moments, her long lashes veiling her eyes. Then she sighed: a note of nostalgia mixed with sorrow. “Yes, O-Toki-san's manners were faultless. She was kind and courteous to everyone, even the youngest members of the household.”
Rin stared; she felt her pulse throb under her jaw. “You knew my mother?”
“When I was a girl.” Makie's gaze searched Rin's face. “You resemble her more and more, although I see your father in you as well. His perserverance and regard for duty is his legacy.”
“My parents? But...how?”
Makie smiled slightly. “My family was once connected to the Mutenichi-ryu. I won't bore you with histories, but we lived at the dojo until I was ten. The room at the west end of the garden, near the well.”
Rin's mouth hung open. “Wh-why don't I know about this? I never even heard of your family!”
“They left the school because of...a tragedy.” Makie's lips quivered; she looked at her own hands and clasped them on her slim bare forearms. “I'm not surprised that the name of Harukawa wasn't spoken aloud in the Asano family–they had far too much concern for face and propriety.”
A strong tinge of bitterness in that low, musical voice; Rin flinched. Makie tightened her lips and glanced at her, then spoke less harshly. “No, stories of that sort have never been thought fit for the ears of a girl, even one of samurai birth. After all...until he came to exact his revenge against the Mutenichi-ryu for the repose of his grandfather's spirit, you had never heard of Anotsu Kagehisa.”
Shivering, Rin shrank into herself and clutched her shoulders. This was the last thing she had ever expected to learn...
“I've frightened you again. I apologize.” Makie leaned forward and touched the cushion near Rin's knee. “I meant to tell you that I also mourn your late honored parents, though I hadn't seen them in many years. My childhood was dark to me for a long time–the life I led was designed for forgetfulness. I didn't learn of their deaths...or the terrible manner of them...until a few months ago.”
“When he told you he'd killed them, you mean?” Rin covered her mouth.
Makie was silent for a few moments. “You're speaking of Kagehisa-sama, of course.”
“Well, it was Kuroi Sabato who actually murdered my father and mother–but Anotsu told him to do it!”
“I know, Rin.” Makie's beautiful eyes clouded.
Two serving maids knelt at the open shoji with trays in hand, bowed and came in to arrange the tea and cakes. Rin sniffled and hung her head. One maid set down a jug of hot water and sat back on her heels. “Ma'am? My master begs to know if you will sing this evening. He would like to invite some important friends to hear you, but he doesn't mean to delay you on your journey.”
Makie made a slight bow. “The ferries are not yet able to run the rapids, I understand.”
“No, ma'am–they say the river's still so rough because the storm's up in the mountains now. Some people are taking the road to the sea coast and crossing there, then coming back up on the other side.”
“Mm–a long and arduous route.” Makie glanced out into the garden, where lacy maple leaves fluttered in the long stripes of late-afternoon sunshine that penetrated the taller pines. She didn't seem to mean that the journey would be too much for her own strength. “I will wait for the river to grow calmer.”
“I'll tell him you're staying another night or two, then? Master says it's perfectly all right with him to have an inn full of guests who won't leave, as long as we don't run out of tea and saké! Would you like anything else, ma'am?” Makie shook her head; the maids bowed and departed.
With grace obviously born of long practice, Makie brewed and served tea and offered Rin a cake. She silently accepted, feeling shaken and a little disoriented. Though Manji's presence might not have fit the occasion, she longed for him. With her bodyguard beside her, solid and cynical, it was hard to be afraid of anything. Her mood lightened somewhat; it was a great comfort to think of her safe haven in his arms. When she got back he'd swear and sulk for a while, silently relieved to see that she was all right but ashamed of having shown his fears. A smile twitched the corners of her mouth; she looked forward to soothing Manji out of his worry.
“Rin?” Makie sounded solicitous. “Are you feeling better? I'm so sorry to upset you...but I must mention some important matters. You are nearly of age, and... May I continue?”
Rin took a bite of sweet cake and nodded. Makie took a deep breath and clasped her hands in front of her. “I heard some details of your journey from Kagehisa-sama. I was surprised that you had shown him such compassion. Even more, I was surprised at how highly he praised your courage.”
“He did?” Rin coughed on a crumb and took a quick sip of tea.
“Indeed. He's not given to such words...especially in regard to women.”
“I guess he was still pretty sick, huh? Maybe he was kind of light-headed when he said that.” Rin rolled her eyes.
“Perhaps.” Makie gave a small smile. “Rin, I am aware you have great cause to think badly of him. No one could blame you. What I meant to ask...was if your idea of him has changed since the first time we met.”
Since the first time she and Makie had met, Anotsu had twice crossed her path at close range. Each encounter had changed Rin's idea of him by tremendous extents; it was Manji who had always insisted she continue on an unswerving path of revenge when she tried to tell him how she thought her ideas had evolved. Though he scoffed at her passion and her tears, he seemed to think that her doubts were even more foolish than a rash quest for what she had once believed with all her heart and mind was justice. To him, every dispute by far was best settled with the sword.
“Um...yes.” Rin set down her empty teacup and watched Makie refill the pot with hot water. “It has.”
“I thought that might be so. Would you tell me how you and Anotsu-sama encountered each other in Kaga?”
“He didn't tell you?”
“In a few words. I would like to hear your account. At our mutual meeting, I seemed to see in both of you–” Makie stopped and poured Rin's tea. “I should say, the change in you impressed me as well.”
“Me?”
“When you flung yourself in front of your guardian to save him from my blade, you struck me as courageous, of course. But then you were a brave, heedless child. I wondered if you had any idea of the nature of your task. When I heard you call out to Anotsu-sama with all of us as witnesses, I saw a young woman's strength. A woman who had come to regard her life's mission with growing wisdom and foresight.”
Rin blushed. “Um, thank you, I guess...”
“It's your own doing.” Makie dipped her head with an eloquent gesture. “What I heard over the succeeding days only confirmed the impression.”
“From Anotsu?”
“Yes, I know how he felt at your parting. Your meeting, however...”
“Oh, I fell down in the road. I hadn't had anything to eat for days.” Rin grimaced. “Which was my own dumb fault, because I left all my money out in the open when I went to take a bath. I hope I'll never be that stupid again!”
“I think you can be assured of that, Rin. Anotsu-sama found you there?”
“Yes...I lay there for a long time because I was too weak to get up. People passed me and didn't help because they thought it might be a trick. Nobody cared...I was just a filthy stranger. I could have been dead, and no one even stopped to check...” She gulped and rubbed her nose. “Finally someone walked up to me and knelt down. I figured he was probably looking to see if I had something worth stealing, but I couldn't do a thing to stop him anyway. Then he picked me up out of the dirt...and cradled me in his arms...and gave me a drink of water. I felt so happy.” Her voice shook. “I was so grateful that some good person had taken pity on me, and that I wasn't going to die there after all. He touched my face and spoke to me. Then I opened my eyes...and saw who it was.”
Rin couldn't keep from crying, though she covered her mouth with one sleeve. “The one person on that road who wasn't afraid to help...why? Why did it have to be him?”
Makie reached out and took her hand. She said nothing for a minute or two until Rin's tears began to subside. “Child...such a meeting must have been fated by the gods. Of course it shocked you to discover that the man who had your beloved parents killed could be kind to a girl in trouble. But how else could you have ever known?”
“I didn't want to know!” Rin pulled her hand out of Makie's. “I walked all that way to find him and I failed! I wish I'd never known anything about him. I wish I could have been just like my bodyguard and never asked him a single question! That's what Manji's always telling me–that the only thing I should ever think about is carrying out my duty, and I know Manji never– Why couldn't I be strong like him?”
“Oh, Rin...” Makie closed her eyes and let out a quick sobbing breath. “You have great strength of your own. A woman’s strength, not a man’s. Never let that go. Never let your duty falter. Your parents' spirits...cry out to you to find their rest in paradise.”
“Wh-what?” Rin bumped her teacup with her knee and clutched it before it could spill. “Why are YOU telling me that?”
Makie put a hand over her face. “If you knew how much I have thought of revenge and family duty...but I won't burden you with that tale. A parent cruelly wronged...to the death...”
“I...I said I'd kill him. When I knew what he was–when I really knew, and not before that.” She breathed too rapidly, her vision beginning to gray and spin. “You know what he is!”
“To my unending sorrow...”
“You love him!” The words spilled out into the garden like a clatter of breaking crockery; the conversation in the next room stopped for a moment, then resumed in a murmur of laughter. “You want me to kill the man you–”
Makie flung her head up. “What is love, Rin? In that respect at least, you are still a child.”
“Uh...”
“Is love knowledge? Can one only love what one comprehends and approves in every detail? Not so–the mother loves the wailing child at the breast, the samurai loves his duty to the hardest master. If a woman is fated to love a man, she can no more withdraw that love than she can bring the dead to life again. Nothing can break it...nothing short of death itself, and in the next life, the karma of love unfulfilled will doom her again and again.”
Rin sat trembling, a hand over her lips. Makie looked at the ceiling and drew a deep breath. “I'm sorry–I've made you confront too much already. There is more...but not now.” She gave Rin a gracious smile. “I am a poor hostess. Will you have another cake?”
They finished the sweets and Makie sent for more along with another pot of tea. With polished expertise she guided the conversation into easier channels and Rin gradually relaxed. The sun sank lower, the air grew cool and refreshing. Lights glowed through the paper screens of the buildings across the garden. A maid set candles in the garden lanterns and the fish began to strike at insects on the surface of the water. Before she knew it, Rin was giggling at her hostess's wit and volunteering small confidences as if she and Makie were friends. Almost certainly Makie must have trained as a geisha. Her musical skill and her poise, not to mention her beauty, must have made her sought after. Why had she left that gentle profession to become a kenshi?
“Makie-san...” They had been talking of marriage; Makie had told a funny story about a lazy bride and a stern mother-in-law who softened into a doting grandmother when the girl presented her with a grandson. “Could you answer a question if I asked?”
“Certainly, if I hear what it is.” Makie nibbled a sweetmeat and crinkled the corners of her eyes.
“Well, it's a little bit, um, improper.” Rin blushed and turned her teacup in her hands. “I just can't think of anyone else I'd be able to ask, and...”
“I'm not easy to shock, Rin.”
“I guess not...uh...it's about, um, having babies?” Makie raised a brow but looked receptive, so Rin took courage.
“I know lots of girls get married when they're younger than I am, so I guess it must be all right for someone my age. I just wondered...if it was better to wait a while...somehow.” Rin put her hand over her abdomen, thinking of the scar she had allowed to be put there. The girl she had impersonated had nearly died delivering twins at fourteen; after Manji had wisely averted the disaster she invited a few hours before, all her fears of pregnancy had returned in multiples. “I thought maybe that, um, friends of yours might have had babies, and that you might know something about it.” She blushed. Maybe this was too personal?
Makie looked away and sighed. “I've watched a few women go through difficult childbirths. Some of them were young girls, some older. Perhaps it was their karma, as it is women's lot to suffer.”
Rin made a face and pressed her abdomen a little harder. “Maybe.”
“I've also assisted women who had easy deliveries and suffered not at all. It's hard to know ahead of time. Even a slender girl like you might already carry a child without trouble. One thing I will warn you against, however...”
“What's that?”
“Though delivering a child can be painful, attempting to stop it from growing in the womb is very dangerous. I have mourned many who bled to death or lingered for days of agony.” Makie looked down and spoke softly. “Women of the pleasure quarters do not often live long...”
Rin's stomach turned over. “Oh...I didn't mean to...forgive me!”
“My past is my past, Rin. Not speaking of it doesn't erase it.” Makie gave her a reassuring look, not quite a smile. “You're not thinking of marrying yet, surely?”
“Oh, no!”
“Good. Your duty to your parents comes first.”
“Of course it does.” Rin shifted restlessly on her cushion. “Everything I've meant to do since they died was because of my duty to them.”
“I can see that.” Makie dipped her head as if to apologize for any implication of neglect, then smiled. “I imagine your stalwart guardian has so far kept even the most hopeful young men at more than sword's length.”
The blood drained from Rin's cheeks. Makie couldn't have guessed, could she? Maybe it hadn't been very wise to ask about this! “Oh, no one's tried to–I was just speaking theoretically, of course!” Rin waved her hands and felt her face turn hot. “I mean, there's absolutely no reason I'd need to know about anything like that for a really long time, right? So just forget I said anything...OK?” She cursed herself and covered her blushes. A bird called from the tall pines, sounding uncannily like a mocking voice.
“No, these are good things for you to learn.” When she glanced up, Makie looked serious rather than suspicious. “You are sixteen. How long have you had your moonrises?”
“Hmm? I was, um, almost fourteen–but really, I shouldn't have asked and I'm sorry–”
“I'm glad you brought this up, Rin. It has some bearing on what I must ask you.”
“What?”
“In a moment. First I think I should answer some more questions you may hesitate to ask in your innocence.” The corners of Makie's eyes crinkled again.
“Uh...like what?” Rin looked warily out at the garden as if someone might be eavesdropping.
“It may be our lot to suffer, but if we can aid each other in any way, we should. Any young woman, married or not, should know that she has some control over the number of children she bears.”
Rin blushed even hotter. “You mean if a woman is, uh, with a man?”
“Of course–the risk of children is small when a woman has relations with another woman.” Makie quirked her lips.
“Women...?” She stared. “Really, Makie-san?”
“Never underestimate the inventiveness of human beings in bed, Rin.” She smiled with a hint of her playful entertainer's wit. “It's not as simple a matter as it may seem to the inexperienced.”
Rin could have agreed with that observation in detail, but only nodded.
“There are herbal preparations and charms to avoid conception, of course, but not all of them seem to be useful. I have heard that observing the moon cycle and the stars and avoiding relations on certain days may reduce the chances. However, every doctor and astrologer seems to have a different theory on what days to avoid.” Makie slightly rolled her eyes. “Courtesans use a wad of strong bamboo-fiber paper inserted deep into the bobo to shield the mouth of the womb from the seed. In my experience, that method has some benefit, though I can't say it's a comfortable one. Of course it has to be prepared ahead of time, and if the man's henoko rubs against the paper it may annoy him.” She glanced up at Rin. “I'm not embarrassing you too much, am I?”
“No,” said Rin, her cheeks burning like flame. “Uh, it's very interesting, thank you.”
“Do you know much about the nature of the henoko? That a man's organ enlarges and becomes firm when he engages in relations?”
Rin made a small squeak and put a hand over her mouth. Makie nodded sympathetically. “I know this may sound strange to you, and even frightening. Men are only men, not demons or monsters. Women and men have enjoyed each other since Izanagi and Izanami lay together to create the world.”
Thinking about the brother and sister kami who had become husband and wife didn't calm Rin's nerves in the least. “Oh, of course.”
“Ah, I should go back and explain the act in more detail. Your mother should have been the one to tell you about marriage when you were pledged to your future husband. May I stand in her place for a few minutes?”
“All right...”
“Let me see.” Makie creased her brows and pondered for a moment. “Simply put, the man's strongest urge in pillowing is to thrust his henoko into the woman's bobo. His entry to the enclosure of her body gives him great pleasure when repeated again and again. You may have heard that it can be painful for a bride at first, but she will quickly become used to accommodating her husband's needs and may even come to welcome them. A thoughtful man is gentle with his wife and takes care not to hurt her even at the height of his pleasure. You understand?”
“Y-yes...”
“After the man enters the woman, he'll usually maintain these thrusting movements for several minutes before his peak of enjoyment arrives and his seed emerges. With practice, a man can stay in the enlarged state for a long time and give the woman pleasure as well.”
Rin could not manage a response. Makie gave her sleeve a light touch. “Don't worry–it all becomes clear when the time comes. Most men have had some experience before they marry, and can teach their wives how to please them.”
Rin felt a hysterical giggle rising in her chest and clamped a hand at the base of her throat to suppress it. “That sounds, um...nice.”
“So, to complete my first point, these are the two best methods I know. Special instruments of leather or tortoiseshell are made to fit over the male part and prevent the seed from spilling into the womb. This is very effective, but not many men will use one, since it takes away much of the pleasure of the act. Most people who want to avoid children practice withdrawal instead. The man must keep enough control over his actions to pull out at the last moment and spend his seed outside the woman's body.”
“Oh! Wow, I had no idea. That sounds like it might work pretty well, huh?”
“It's a common method among ordinary people, as I say, but it has to be practiced diligently. Most ordinary people have many children in the course of life, if their bodies are healthy. One mistake is enough.” Makie shrugged.
Rin tried to imagine Manji keeping enough control over his actions not to make a mistake and wrinkled her nose. “So are you saying that there isn't any totally reliable way to guarantee that a woman won't get pregnant and still let the man enjoy it? It sounds like all you can really do is not have quite as many children, if you're lucky.”
“Yes, that's right.”
“But what about...just not doing that one thing?”
Makie seemed surprised at the suggestion. “Well...if the man could entirely refrain from the act and confine himself to lesser pleasures, then the woman wouldn't conceive. I don't think it's likely that he could deny himself for long once he had the privilege of sharing her pillow in the first place.”
“Uh...really?” A prickle went over Rin's arms and breasts. “Even if he'd definitely decided not to do it?”
“Men aren't made that way, child.” Makie gave a soft laugh. “As I say, the desire to enter a woman is the strongest urge a man has. With the best of intentions it would be very difficult for him not to carry out the act eventually, unless he was a eunuch or very old.”
Rin put a hand to her pounding heart and tightly pressed her thighs together.
“No, don't be frightened of men's desires–they are not usually violent. The thoughtful sort of husband of whom I speak would never force himself on a virgin, even though he had the rights of marriage.”
“What's the real definition of–” Rin spoke without thinking and clapped her hand back over her mouth. Of course she was still a virgin–hadn't Manji said so?
“Of the virgin state? Never having known a man, of course.” Makie looked a little puzzled.
“Yes, but...what if a girl hadn't actually, um, done that, but she had been in the same room with, uh, a man, maybe overnight, more than once, and it looked like things could be different than they really were, and other people might be thinking...”
“Ah, I understand.” Makie shook her head. “No, merely being alone with a man doesn't mean a girl has lost her virginity. That's a very innocent question, Rin-chan.”
Rin mumbled something and tried to cool her cheeks with her hands. The sun had just set and the room dimmed in the twilight.
“So when you marry, your husband will do well to have compassion for your inexperience and perhaps leave you intact for a while after the wedding. He will approach you gradually and show you kindness and patience, and when you are ready, you will be able to submit to him with willing obedience instead of fear. I know he will never be harsh...”
Rin blinked. “Makie-san? Wh-what are you telling me?”
Makie drew a deep breath and let out a sigh. “I'm approaching my subject gradually, because I fear its effect on you.”
Rin stared at her, wide-eyed.
“I knew, the moment I realized the truth...that it would be essential to prepare you somehow. I'm glad I happened on you today, because although I have some idea where you and your guardian live and meant to seek you out, I might not have found you before...” She broke off and caught her lower lip in her teeth. “I have asked you about your journey and how its events affected you. I have asked Anotsu-sama many of the same questions. His answers were less forthcoming, and he was weak–I did not press him.”
Rin felt a great cloud loom over her mind and body, a weight of roiling darkness. Did Makie mean to lift it from her, or crush her underneath its confusion? Her breaths came faster.
“I can read the shadows and the pain in his mind, though he tries to hide them. From me he can conceal almost nothing. He realizes, dear child, that he did you a great injury. That haunts him now as it never did before–he has changed more than he knows. One day...perhaps soon...he will make his resolution to atone.”
“Atone?” Rin leaped to her feet and knocked against the floral arrangement. White chrysanthemum petals scattered to the tatami. “How? By cutting his belly at my father's grave?”
“Child, think not of atonement by death. His death cannot bring your parents back to you.”
“I–I don't care–” She crushed petals under her bare feet, staining the mats.
“You will never cause his death. You know that now. You cannot take his life in a duel, and you will not take it by stealth or with an unfair advantage.”
“No...that's not true...” Of course it was. Even Manji would be risking death against Anotsu's axe. To carry out her revenge as she had intended, she would have to become a different person. Not a stronger one. The only fighter Rin knew who surpassed Anotsu's deadly skill, slim and half-feminine as he seemed, was Makie herself. To kill him with her own hands, she'd have to become the sort of person who could slit a sick man's throat...
She looked out into the garden, seeing only the guttering candles in the stone lanterns and the stirring surface of the pond that threw back the pale light of the sky. “Not...by death?”
“Kagehisa-sama took life, and he must repay in kind. He deprived you of your childhood and the love of your family. He had little enough of that when he was young...but I do not excuse him. He does not excuse himself. He must and will make what amends he can for injustice to an innocent.” Makie looked up, tears standing in her eyes. “Child, I beg you to let him try. When he comes to you and asks leave to speak, I entreat you, by the souls of your father and mother...do not refuse to hear him.”
Rin dropped to her knees again, trembling like a shaken flower. “Refuse...him?”
“I know his mind and the bent of his thoughts. I know his honor. Perhaps he hasn't fully formed this intention yet, but he surely will. He has seen your strength and seen the woman you will become. You repaid him a thousandfold for that single drink of water.”
Rin's mouth felt dry and bitter, her tongue swollen; she could not have swallowed a sip.
“He can only offer, of course–he can't force you to accept. Please believe that this will be no hollow gesture, and not a penance he inflicts on himself. I can assure you that if he speaks, he will do it with sincerity and respect for you.” Makie closed her eyes, the tears cutting pale reflective streaks down her face. “For the repose of your honored parents, for the sake of your family blood, realize that he longs to make peace. He will never let the cycle of revenge continue through the generations if he can do the slightest thing to avert it.” She seemed to suppress a sob. “If there could be peace at last, after fifty years of hatred and…and tragedy...”
“My family...blood?”
“You are the last heir of Asano. Your family's blood lives in you–a woman. Only as a woman can you restore it to life again.”
“But–but he's married! He has a wife in Kaga!”
Makie slowly nodded. “Yes, he married a woman of the Shingyoto-ryu in order to seal the merger of that school with his own. She is dead by her own hand.”
“D-dead?”
Makie bowed her head and put her palms together. “She would not have lived long in any case, since her health was poor. After her foster father committed seppuku, she chose to join him in death. She must have been an exceptional woman. Her soul is surely in paradise.”
Up until that moment it had been a nightmare delusion, completely impossible. Rin gulped throat-searing breaths. It could never happen–but Anotsu had no wife now, and he was a man of strict, even antique honor. If he resolved to make a final peace with the dead, there was nothing else he would do.
Offer his hand and his body to the daughter of Asano Takayoshi. Take her to wife, lie with her as her husband and sire her children. They would emerge from her womb as living symbols of reconciliation, and grow up to tend the graves and memorial tablets of a united lineage. Her parents' ghosts would rejoice in such grandchildren, who should have been born while they still lived. Rin choked on a dry sob; her tears were spent.
What of their mother, who would also have to offer her body–her whole life–on the altar of peace?
She was samurai. She knew her duty...
“Makie-san...but you...” Rin's whisper barely escaped her hot, constricted throat.
“Kagehisa-sama will never be mine, and never could have been. This makes no difference at all–it is our karma.” Her face glowing faintly in the twilight, Makie looked as beautiful as an angel.
“You love him...”
“Love solves nothing by itself, dear Rin-chan. Sometimes it can keep two fates more separate than if there never had been love between them. The world takes little account of love, and duty none at all.” Rin looked into Makie's eyes, which were huge dim pools. “You need not fear that you will inflict pain on any person by accepting him. There is no more pain that can be felt.”
Pain? How much pain could one man bear in an endless lifetime? Rin bent double and covered her head with her long sleeves. She bit down on a thick fold of silk, muffling the moans she could not stop. “Oh, big brother. Big brother...”
She sank to the mats, and darkness received her.
Continued...
The characters and universe of Blade of the Immortal/Mugen no Junin are copyright by Hiroaki Samura and do not belong to me. Not one sen will come into my hands in consequence of this story.
Warnings for sex in various forms, including quasi-incestuous themes and a sixteen-year-old female paired with an adult male. Violence and dismemberment are legally required in any BotI fic, so be prepared.
See the previous post in this journal for background; I haven't invented any of the circumstances of the characters' pasts.
Abstinence Education
by Madame Manga
Part Twenty-Three
“My hospitality must be only that of a public teahouse, I'm afraid, but I hope it is agreeable to your taste.” Makie put her samisen on the snowy tatami and indicated that Rin should take a seat.
“Uh...sure. I mean, of course, Makie-san.” Rin looked at the delicate, misty landscape painted on the paper walls of the private room and wondered how expensive this entertainment was going to prove. She knelt on a brocade cushion next to the tokonoma, which held a tall arrangement of chrysanthemums in a flaring vase.
Makie knelt on the cushion opposite Rin and smoothed her gown. Rin had never seen a woman wear such short sleeves, but for a fighter they were obviously practical. She was glad she had just had her own clothes cleaned, though her bright furisode looked girlish next to Makie's dark-blue elegance. She carefully folded her hands in her lap and looked out into the teahouse garden through the open shoji. An artificial brook tinkled over rounded stones at the edge of the broad veranda and into a pond bordered with carefully pruned shrubs. Ornamental carp occasionally disturbed the sun-reflecting surface, sending circles of glittering ripples across the water. Chatter and laughter penetrated from the adjacent rooms; the evening geisha parties were getting an early start.
“I'm afraid I interrupted your meal. Allow me to provide you with some refreshments.”
“Oh, that was just a snack–I'm not really hungry.” Rin smiled a little nervously and gave Makie a bow. “Please don't go to any trouble.”
Makie spoke to the waiting serving maid. “Shizuoka tea, please, and a dish of sweetmeats. Do you have any of the tiny pink cakes decorated with flowers?”
“Oh, yes, ma'am! They're our house specialty. My master says he's honored to serve you anything you wish.”
“A selection of those, then.” Makie turned to Rin. “Forgive my presumption in choosing for you. The cakes are exquisite...but you shall judge for yourself.”
“Please, not on my account.” Rin bowed again. “I'm used to very plain food...”
“You're my guest, and I wish to honor you with the best I can provide.” Makie also bowed. “I know that my appearance was unwelcome, and although a cup of tea can't make up for my inconsiderate intrusion on your time, at least you can moisten your throat while we talk.”
Rin was surprised how quickly her mother's polite phrases re-formed on her tongue. “It's kind of you to think of this humble person's comfort. Anything you approve must be the finest quality, Makie-san.”
Makie nodded at the maid. “Right away, ma'am.” The maid backed up on her knees, bowed and rose to move down the outside walkway.
Rin blushed and fiddled with her fingernails. She felt like a little girl playing at sophisticated social chatter; Makie must be laughing behind that smooth manner. Rin glanced up at her and met her sad, thoughtful gaze.
“You would do honor to the coarsest fare or the rarest delicacies, child. Though you have lived in hard circumstances, anyone would know you for a woman of gentle birth.”
“Oh? Uh, my mother...” She swallowed hard. “My mother was a good teacher.”
Makie was silent for a few moments, her long lashes veiling her eyes. Then she sighed: a note of nostalgia mixed with sorrow. “Yes, O-Toki-san's manners were faultless. She was kind and courteous to everyone, even the youngest members of the household.”
Rin stared; she felt her pulse throb under her jaw. “You knew my mother?”
“When I was a girl.” Makie's gaze searched Rin's face. “You resemble her more and more, although I see your father in you as well. His perserverance and regard for duty is his legacy.”
“My parents? But...how?”
Makie smiled slightly. “My family was once connected to the Mutenichi-ryu. I won't bore you with histories, but we lived at the dojo until I was ten. The room at the west end of the garden, near the well.”
Rin's mouth hung open. “Wh-why don't I know about this? I never even heard of your family!”
“They left the school because of...a tragedy.” Makie's lips quivered; she looked at her own hands and clasped them on her slim bare forearms. “I'm not surprised that the name of Harukawa wasn't spoken aloud in the Asano family–they had far too much concern for face and propriety.”
A strong tinge of bitterness in that low, musical voice; Rin flinched. Makie tightened her lips and glanced at her, then spoke less harshly. “No, stories of that sort have never been thought fit for the ears of a girl, even one of samurai birth. After all...until he came to exact his revenge against the Mutenichi-ryu for the repose of his grandfather's spirit, you had never heard of Anotsu Kagehisa.”
Shivering, Rin shrank into herself and clutched her shoulders. This was the last thing she had ever expected to learn...
“I've frightened you again. I apologize.” Makie leaned forward and touched the cushion near Rin's knee. “I meant to tell you that I also mourn your late honored parents, though I hadn't seen them in many years. My childhood was dark to me for a long time–the life I led was designed for forgetfulness. I didn't learn of their deaths...or the terrible manner of them...until a few months ago.”
“When he told you he'd killed them, you mean?” Rin covered her mouth.
Makie was silent for a few moments. “You're speaking of Kagehisa-sama, of course.”
“Well, it was Kuroi Sabato who actually murdered my father and mother–but Anotsu told him to do it!”
“I know, Rin.” Makie's beautiful eyes clouded.
Two serving maids knelt at the open shoji with trays in hand, bowed and came in to arrange the tea and cakes. Rin sniffled and hung her head. One maid set down a jug of hot water and sat back on her heels. “Ma'am? My master begs to know if you will sing this evening. He would like to invite some important friends to hear you, but he doesn't mean to delay you on your journey.”
Makie made a slight bow. “The ferries are not yet able to run the rapids, I understand.”
“No, ma'am–they say the river's still so rough because the storm's up in the mountains now. Some people are taking the road to the sea coast and crossing there, then coming back up on the other side.”
“Mm–a long and arduous route.” Makie glanced out into the garden, where lacy maple leaves fluttered in the long stripes of late-afternoon sunshine that penetrated the taller pines. She didn't seem to mean that the journey would be too much for her own strength. “I will wait for the river to grow calmer.”
“I'll tell him you're staying another night or two, then? Master says it's perfectly all right with him to have an inn full of guests who won't leave, as long as we don't run out of tea and saké! Would you like anything else, ma'am?” Makie shook her head; the maids bowed and departed.
With grace obviously born of long practice, Makie brewed and served tea and offered Rin a cake. She silently accepted, feeling shaken and a little disoriented. Though Manji's presence might not have fit the occasion, she longed for him. With her bodyguard beside her, solid and cynical, it was hard to be afraid of anything. Her mood lightened somewhat; it was a great comfort to think of her safe haven in his arms. When she got back he'd swear and sulk for a while, silently relieved to see that she was all right but ashamed of having shown his fears. A smile twitched the corners of her mouth; she looked forward to soothing Manji out of his worry.
“Rin?” Makie sounded solicitous. “Are you feeling better? I'm so sorry to upset you...but I must mention some important matters. You are nearly of age, and... May I continue?”
Rin took a bite of sweet cake and nodded. Makie took a deep breath and clasped her hands in front of her. “I heard some details of your journey from Kagehisa-sama. I was surprised that you had shown him such compassion. Even more, I was surprised at how highly he praised your courage.”
“He did?” Rin coughed on a crumb and took a quick sip of tea.
“Indeed. He's not given to such words...especially in regard to women.”
“I guess he was still pretty sick, huh? Maybe he was kind of light-headed when he said that.” Rin rolled her eyes.
“Perhaps.” Makie gave a small smile. “Rin, I am aware you have great cause to think badly of him. No one could blame you. What I meant to ask...was if your idea of him has changed since the first time we met.”
Since the first time she and Makie had met, Anotsu had twice crossed her path at close range. Each encounter had changed Rin's idea of him by tremendous extents; it was Manji who had always insisted she continue on an unswerving path of revenge when she tried to tell him how she thought her ideas had evolved. Though he scoffed at her passion and her tears, he seemed to think that her doubts were even more foolish than a rash quest for what she had once believed with all her heart and mind was justice. To him, every dispute by far was best settled with the sword.
“Um...yes.” Rin set down her empty teacup and watched Makie refill the pot with hot water. “It has.”
“I thought that might be so. Would you tell me how you and Anotsu-sama encountered each other in Kaga?”
“He didn't tell you?”
“In a few words. I would like to hear your account. At our mutual meeting, I seemed to see in both of you–” Makie stopped and poured Rin's tea. “I should say, the change in you impressed me as well.”
“Me?”
“When you flung yourself in front of your guardian to save him from my blade, you struck me as courageous, of course. But then you were a brave, heedless child. I wondered if you had any idea of the nature of your task. When I heard you call out to Anotsu-sama with all of us as witnesses, I saw a young woman's strength. A woman who had come to regard her life's mission with growing wisdom and foresight.”
Rin blushed. “Um, thank you, I guess...”
“It's your own doing.” Makie dipped her head with an eloquent gesture. “What I heard over the succeeding days only confirmed the impression.”
“From Anotsu?”
“Yes, I know how he felt at your parting. Your meeting, however...”
“Oh, I fell down in the road. I hadn't had anything to eat for days.” Rin grimaced. “Which was my own dumb fault, because I left all my money out in the open when I went to take a bath. I hope I'll never be that stupid again!”
“I think you can be assured of that, Rin. Anotsu-sama found you there?”
“Yes...I lay there for a long time because I was too weak to get up. People passed me and didn't help because they thought it might be a trick. Nobody cared...I was just a filthy stranger. I could have been dead, and no one even stopped to check...” She gulped and rubbed her nose. “Finally someone walked up to me and knelt down. I figured he was probably looking to see if I had something worth stealing, but I couldn't do a thing to stop him anyway. Then he picked me up out of the dirt...and cradled me in his arms...and gave me a drink of water. I felt so happy.” Her voice shook. “I was so grateful that some good person had taken pity on me, and that I wasn't going to die there after all. He touched my face and spoke to me. Then I opened my eyes...and saw who it was.”
Rin couldn't keep from crying, though she covered her mouth with one sleeve. “The one person on that road who wasn't afraid to help...why? Why did it have to be him?”
Makie reached out and took her hand. She said nothing for a minute or two until Rin's tears began to subside. “Child...such a meeting must have been fated by the gods. Of course it shocked you to discover that the man who had your beloved parents killed could be kind to a girl in trouble. But how else could you have ever known?”
“I didn't want to know!” Rin pulled her hand out of Makie's. “I walked all that way to find him and I failed! I wish I'd never known anything about him. I wish I could have been just like my bodyguard and never asked him a single question! That's what Manji's always telling me–that the only thing I should ever think about is carrying out my duty, and I know Manji never– Why couldn't I be strong like him?”
“Oh, Rin...” Makie closed her eyes and let out a quick sobbing breath. “You have great strength of your own. A woman’s strength, not a man’s. Never let that go. Never let your duty falter. Your parents' spirits...cry out to you to find their rest in paradise.”
“Wh-what?” Rin bumped her teacup with her knee and clutched it before it could spill. “Why are YOU telling me that?”
Makie put a hand over her face. “If you knew how much I have thought of revenge and family duty...but I won't burden you with that tale. A parent cruelly wronged...to the death...”
“I...I said I'd kill him. When I knew what he was–when I really knew, and not before that.” She breathed too rapidly, her vision beginning to gray and spin. “You know what he is!”
“To my unending sorrow...”
“You love him!” The words spilled out into the garden like a clatter of breaking crockery; the conversation in the next room stopped for a moment, then resumed in a murmur of laughter. “You want me to kill the man you–”
Makie flung her head up. “What is love, Rin? In that respect at least, you are still a child.”
“Uh...”
“Is love knowledge? Can one only love what one comprehends and approves in every detail? Not so–the mother loves the wailing child at the breast, the samurai loves his duty to the hardest master. If a woman is fated to love a man, she can no more withdraw that love than she can bring the dead to life again. Nothing can break it...nothing short of death itself, and in the next life, the karma of love unfulfilled will doom her again and again.”
Rin sat trembling, a hand over her lips. Makie looked at the ceiling and drew a deep breath. “I'm sorry–I've made you confront too much already. There is more...but not now.” She gave Rin a gracious smile. “I am a poor hostess. Will you have another cake?”
They finished the sweets and Makie sent for more along with another pot of tea. With polished expertise she guided the conversation into easier channels and Rin gradually relaxed. The sun sank lower, the air grew cool and refreshing. Lights glowed through the paper screens of the buildings across the garden. A maid set candles in the garden lanterns and the fish began to strike at insects on the surface of the water. Before she knew it, Rin was giggling at her hostess's wit and volunteering small confidences as if she and Makie were friends. Almost certainly Makie must have trained as a geisha. Her musical skill and her poise, not to mention her beauty, must have made her sought after. Why had she left that gentle profession to become a kenshi?
“Makie-san...” They had been talking of marriage; Makie had told a funny story about a lazy bride and a stern mother-in-law who softened into a doting grandmother when the girl presented her with a grandson. “Could you answer a question if I asked?”
“Certainly, if I hear what it is.” Makie nibbled a sweetmeat and crinkled the corners of her eyes.
“Well, it's a little bit, um, improper.” Rin blushed and turned her teacup in her hands. “I just can't think of anyone else I'd be able to ask, and...”
“I'm not easy to shock, Rin.”
“I guess not...uh...it's about, um, having babies?” Makie raised a brow but looked receptive, so Rin took courage.
“I know lots of girls get married when they're younger than I am, so I guess it must be all right for someone my age. I just wondered...if it was better to wait a while...somehow.” Rin put her hand over her abdomen, thinking of the scar she had allowed to be put there. The girl she had impersonated had nearly died delivering twins at fourteen; after Manji had wisely averted the disaster she invited a few hours before, all her fears of pregnancy had returned in multiples. “I thought maybe that, um, friends of yours might have had babies, and that you might know something about it.” She blushed. Maybe this was too personal?
Makie looked away and sighed. “I've watched a few women go through difficult childbirths. Some of them were young girls, some older. Perhaps it was their karma, as it is women's lot to suffer.”
Rin made a face and pressed her abdomen a little harder. “Maybe.”
“I've also assisted women who had easy deliveries and suffered not at all. It's hard to know ahead of time. Even a slender girl like you might already carry a child without trouble. One thing I will warn you against, however...”
“What's that?”
“Though delivering a child can be painful, attempting to stop it from growing in the womb is very dangerous. I have mourned many who bled to death or lingered for days of agony.” Makie looked down and spoke softly. “Women of the pleasure quarters do not often live long...”
Rin's stomach turned over. “Oh...I didn't mean to...forgive me!”
“My past is my past, Rin. Not speaking of it doesn't erase it.” Makie gave her a reassuring look, not quite a smile. “You're not thinking of marrying yet, surely?”
“Oh, no!”
“Good. Your duty to your parents comes first.”
“Of course it does.” Rin shifted restlessly on her cushion. “Everything I've meant to do since they died was because of my duty to them.”
“I can see that.” Makie dipped her head as if to apologize for any implication of neglect, then smiled. “I imagine your stalwart guardian has so far kept even the most hopeful young men at more than sword's length.”
The blood drained from Rin's cheeks. Makie couldn't have guessed, could she? Maybe it hadn't been very wise to ask about this! “Oh, no one's tried to–I was just speaking theoretically, of course!” Rin waved her hands and felt her face turn hot. “I mean, there's absolutely no reason I'd need to know about anything like that for a really long time, right? So just forget I said anything...OK?” She cursed herself and covered her blushes. A bird called from the tall pines, sounding uncannily like a mocking voice.
“No, these are good things for you to learn.” When she glanced up, Makie looked serious rather than suspicious. “You are sixteen. How long have you had your moonrises?”
“Hmm? I was, um, almost fourteen–but really, I shouldn't have asked and I'm sorry–”
“I'm glad you brought this up, Rin. It has some bearing on what I must ask you.”
“What?”
“In a moment. First I think I should answer some more questions you may hesitate to ask in your innocence.” The corners of Makie's eyes crinkled again.
“Uh...like what?” Rin looked warily out at the garden as if someone might be eavesdropping.
“It may be our lot to suffer, but if we can aid each other in any way, we should. Any young woman, married or not, should know that she has some control over the number of children she bears.”
Rin blushed even hotter. “You mean if a woman is, uh, with a man?”
“Of course–the risk of children is small when a woman has relations with another woman.” Makie quirked her lips.
“Women...?” She stared. “Really, Makie-san?”
“Never underestimate the inventiveness of human beings in bed, Rin.” She smiled with a hint of her playful entertainer's wit. “It's not as simple a matter as it may seem to the inexperienced.”
Rin could have agreed with that observation in detail, but only nodded.
“There are herbal preparations and charms to avoid conception, of course, but not all of them seem to be useful. I have heard that observing the moon cycle and the stars and avoiding relations on certain days may reduce the chances. However, every doctor and astrologer seems to have a different theory on what days to avoid.” Makie slightly rolled her eyes. “Courtesans use a wad of strong bamboo-fiber paper inserted deep into the bobo to shield the mouth of the womb from the seed. In my experience, that method has some benefit, though I can't say it's a comfortable one. Of course it has to be prepared ahead of time, and if the man's henoko rubs against the paper it may annoy him.” She glanced up at Rin. “I'm not embarrassing you too much, am I?”
“No,” said Rin, her cheeks burning like flame. “Uh, it's very interesting, thank you.”
“Do you know much about the nature of the henoko? That a man's organ enlarges and becomes firm when he engages in relations?”
Rin made a small squeak and put a hand over her mouth. Makie nodded sympathetically. “I know this may sound strange to you, and even frightening. Men are only men, not demons or monsters. Women and men have enjoyed each other since Izanagi and Izanami lay together to create the world.”
Thinking about the brother and sister kami who had become husband and wife didn't calm Rin's nerves in the least. “Oh, of course.”
“Ah, I should go back and explain the act in more detail. Your mother should have been the one to tell you about marriage when you were pledged to your future husband. May I stand in her place for a few minutes?”
“All right...”
“Let me see.” Makie creased her brows and pondered for a moment. “Simply put, the man's strongest urge in pillowing is to thrust his henoko into the woman's bobo. His entry to the enclosure of her body gives him great pleasure when repeated again and again. You may have heard that it can be painful for a bride at first, but she will quickly become used to accommodating her husband's needs and may even come to welcome them. A thoughtful man is gentle with his wife and takes care not to hurt her even at the height of his pleasure. You understand?”
“Y-yes...”
“After the man enters the woman, he'll usually maintain these thrusting movements for several minutes before his peak of enjoyment arrives and his seed emerges. With practice, a man can stay in the enlarged state for a long time and give the woman pleasure as well.”
Rin could not manage a response. Makie gave her sleeve a light touch. “Don't worry–it all becomes clear when the time comes. Most men have had some experience before they marry, and can teach their wives how to please them.”
Rin felt a hysterical giggle rising in her chest and clamped a hand at the base of her throat to suppress it. “That sounds, um...nice.”
“So, to complete my first point, these are the two best methods I know. Special instruments of leather or tortoiseshell are made to fit over the male part and prevent the seed from spilling into the womb. This is very effective, but not many men will use one, since it takes away much of the pleasure of the act. Most people who want to avoid children practice withdrawal instead. The man must keep enough control over his actions to pull out at the last moment and spend his seed outside the woman's body.”
“Oh! Wow, I had no idea. That sounds like it might work pretty well, huh?”
“It's a common method among ordinary people, as I say, but it has to be practiced diligently. Most ordinary people have many children in the course of life, if their bodies are healthy. One mistake is enough.” Makie shrugged.
Rin tried to imagine Manji keeping enough control over his actions not to make a mistake and wrinkled her nose. “So are you saying that there isn't any totally reliable way to guarantee that a woman won't get pregnant and still let the man enjoy it? It sounds like all you can really do is not have quite as many children, if you're lucky.”
“Yes, that's right.”
“But what about...just not doing that one thing?”
Makie seemed surprised at the suggestion. “Well...if the man could entirely refrain from the act and confine himself to lesser pleasures, then the woman wouldn't conceive. I don't think it's likely that he could deny himself for long once he had the privilege of sharing her pillow in the first place.”
“Uh...really?” A prickle went over Rin's arms and breasts. “Even if he'd definitely decided not to do it?”
“Men aren't made that way, child.” Makie gave a soft laugh. “As I say, the desire to enter a woman is the strongest urge a man has. With the best of intentions it would be very difficult for him not to carry out the act eventually, unless he was a eunuch or very old.”
Rin put a hand to her pounding heart and tightly pressed her thighs together.
“No, don't be frightened of men's desires–they are not usually violent. The thoughtful sort of husband of whom I speak would never force himself on a virgin, even though he had the rights of marriage.”
“What's the real definition of–” Rin spoke without thinking and clapped her hand back over her mouth. Of course she was still a virgin–hadn't Manji said so?
“Of the virgin state? Never having known a man, of course.” Makie looked a little puzzled.
“Yes, but...what if a girl hadn't actually, um, done that, but she had been in the same room with, uh, a man, maybe overnight, more than once, and it looked like things could be different than they really were, and other people might be thinking...”
“Ah, I understand.” Makie shook her head. “No, merely being alone with a man doesn't mean a girl has lost her virginity. That's a very innocent question, Rin-chan.”
Rin mumbled something and tried to cool her cheeks with her hands. The sun had just set and the room dimmed in the twilight.
“So when you marry, your husband will do well to have compassion for your inexperience and perhaps leave you intact for a while after the wedding. He will approach you gradually and show you kindness and patience, and when you are ready, you will be able to submit to him with willing obedience instead of fear. I know he will never be harsh...”
Rin blinked. “Makie-san? Wh-what are you telling me?”
Makie drew a deep breath and let out a sigh. “I'm approaching my subject gradually, because I fear its effect on you.”
Rin stared at her, wide-eyed.
“I knew, the moment I realized the truth...that it would be essential to prepare you somehow. I'm glad I happened on you today, because although I have some idea where you and your guardian live and meant to seek you out, I might not have found you before...” She broke off and caught her lower lip in her teeth. “I have asked you about your journey and how its events affected you. I have asked Anotsu-sama many of the same questions. His answers were less forthcoming, and he was weak–I did not press him.”
Rin felt a great cloud loom over her mind and body, a weight of roiling darkness. Did Makie mean to lift it from her, or crush her underneath its confusion? Her breaths came faster.
“I can read the shadows and the pain in his mind, though he tries to hide them. From me he can conceal almost nothing. He realizes, dear child, that he did you a great injury. That haunts him now as it never did before–he has changed more than he knows. One day...perhaps soon...he will make his resolution to atone.”
“Atone?” Rin leaped to her feet and knocked against the floral arrangement. White chrysanthemum petals scattered to the tatami. “How? By cutting his belly at my father's grave?”
“Child, think not of atonement by death. His death cannot bring your parents back to you.”
“I–I don't care–” She crushed petals under her bare feet, staining the mats.
“You will never cause his death. You know that now. You cannot take his life in a duel, and you will not take it by stealth or with an unfair advantage.”
“No...that's not true...” Of course it was. Even Manji would be risking death against Anotsu's axe. To carry out her revenge as she had intended, she would have to become a different person. Not a stronger one. The only fighter Rin knew who surpassed Anotsu's deadly skill, slim and half-feminine as he seemed, was Makie herself. To kill him with her own hands, she'd have to become the sort of person who could slit a sick man's throat...
She looked out into the garden, seeing only the guttering candles in the stone lanterns and the stirring surface of the pond that threw back the pale light of the sky. “Not...by death?”
“Kagehisa-sama took life, and he must repay in kind. He deprived you of your childhood and the love of your family. He had little enough of that when he was young...but I do not excuse him. He does not excuse himself. He must and will make what amends he can for injustice to an innocent.” Makie looked up, tears standing in her eyes. “Child, I beg you to let him try. When he comes to you and asks leave to speak, I entreat you, by the souls of your father and mother...do not refuse to hear him.”
Rin dropped to her knees again, trembling like a shaken flower. “Refuse...him?”
“I know his mind and the bent of his thoughts. I know his honor. Perhaps he hasn't fully formed this intention yet, but he surely will. He has seen your strength and seen the woman you will become. You repaid him a thousandfold for that single drink of water.”
Rin's mouth felt dry and bitter, her tongue swollen; she could not have swallowed a sip.
“He can only offer, of course–he can't force you to accept. Please believe that this will be no hollow gesture, and not a penance he inflicts on himself. I can assure you that if he speaks, he will do it with sincerity and respect for you.” Makie closed her eyes, the tears cutting pale reflective streaks down her face. “For the repose of your honored parents, for the sake of your family blood, realize that he longs to make peace. He will never let the cycle of revenge continue through the generations if he can do the slightest thing to avert it.” She seemed to suppress a sob. “If there could be peace at last, after fifty years of hatred and…and tragedy...”
“My family...blood?”
“You are the last heir of Asano. Your family's blood lives in you–a woman. Only as a woman can you restore it to life again.”
“But–but he's married! He has a wife in Kaga!”
Makie slowly nodded. “Yes, he married a woman of the Shingyoto-ryu in order to seal the merger of that school with his own. She is dead by her own hand.”
“D-dead?”
Makie bowed her head and put her palms together. “She would not have lived long in any case, since her health was poor. After her foster father committed seppuku, she chose to join him in death. She must have been an exceptional woman. Her soul is surely in paradise.”
Up until that moment it had been a nightmare delusion, completely impossible. Rin gulped throat-searing breaths. It could never happen–but Anotsu had no wife now, and he was a man of strict, even antique honor. If he resolved to make a final peace with the dead, there was nothing else he would do.
Offer his hand and his body to the daughter of Asano Takayoshi. Take her to wife, lie with her as her husband and sire her children. They would emerge from her womb as living symbols of reconciliation, and grow up to tend the graves and memorial tablets of a united lineage. Her parents' ghosts would rejoice in such grandchildren, who should have been born while they still lived. Rin choked on a dry sob; her tears were spent.
What of their mother, who would also have to offer her body–her whole life–on the altar of peace?
She was samurai. She knew her duty...
“Makie-san...but you...” Rin's whisper barely escaped her hot, constricted throat.
“Kagehisa-sama will never be mine, and never could have been. This makes no difference at all–it is our karma.” Her face glowing faintly in the twilight, Makie looked as beautiful as an angel.
“You love him...”
“Love solves nothing by itself, dear Rin-chan. Sometimes it can keep two fates more separate than if there never had been love between them. The world takes little account of love, and duty none at all.” Rin looked into Makie's eyes, which were huge dim pools. “You need not fear that you will inflict pain on any person by accepting him. There is no more pain that can be felt.”
Pain? How much pain could one man bear in an endless lifetime? Rin bent double and covered her head with her long sleeves. She bit down on a thick fold of silk, muffling the moans she could not stop. “Oh, big brother. Big brother...”
She sank to the mats, and darkness received her.
Continued...