Bleach Fan Fiction ❯ Black Roses ❯ You, me (Rebuilding from scratch) ( Chapter 4 )
Anime/Manga: Bleach Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Angst / Psychological | Type: Continuation | Uploaded On: 03.25.2009 | Updated On: 03.25.2009 | Pages: 2 | Words: 4.4K | Visits: 156 | Status: Completed
Disclaimer:
'Bleach', along with all the characters, places, Zanpakutō, Kido and everything else had been created by Kubo Tite sensei.
The songs quoted in this chapter are "Ten Black Roses" (The Rasmus, from 'Black roses', 2008) and "La Cura" (Franco Battiato, from 'L'imboscata', 1996).
A big Thank you to my beta-reader rukia23, who did a wonderful (and fast!) job.
Black Roses
4 - You, me (Rebuilding from scratch)
Skyless_star
When you're sad / And no-one knows it
I'll send you / Black roses
When your heart's / Dark and frozen
I'll send you / Black roses
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Rangiku was staring at the man resting near her knees. Judging by how he was lying down, she would have said he didn't have a single care in the world, even though she knew it should have been because of an almost sleepless night that he was now sleeping face-down, his legs wide and all the covers kicked aside. Nevertheless, a small smile escaped her lips; in such a position he looked like a child, he was almost cute.
He was sleeping peacefully, even if his expression wasn't totally relaxed -as much as a sleeping person's face could be expressive- but what gave him a totally carefree appearance was the fact he was sleeping with all his covers kicked aside, his legs wide and face down. Rangiku smiled, in that position he looked like a child, he almost inspired tenderness.
Regretting she had to wake him, she gently touched his arm; he let out an indistinct sound and continued to sleep. «Shūhei.» He stirred a little, but didn't wake. «Shūhei.» She repeated in a firmer tone and, finally, he squeezed his eyes and opened them, seeing in front of himself the same person that had been in his dream; his mind still fogged by sleep, he put his head on her lap and wrapped his arms around her legs, until an hand touched her buttocks, and returned to his sleep.
Rangiku observed everything without reacting, but once he stopped moving she was grateful that he, despite what she had always thought, didn't sleep naked. While debating what to do to wake him without making the fact embarrassing, she heard him murmur something; it took her a moment to understand what he had said was meant for her.
«I'm sorry, Ran.»
Rangiku smiled sadly, thinking that the previous months and day must have been hard on him, too, and placed a hand on his head. They stayed in that position for a minute or two, until Shūhei realized that the hand caressing his hair was too real to be part of a dream. Stirring a little and in the meantime squeezing that soft thing he had grasped a little while before, he opened his eyes, making an effort not to fall asleep again.
Under his face there was something of an emerald green color with small azure patterns; it was smooth, warm, soft, infinitely more comfortable than his usual Makura, big enough for him to need both of his arms to embrace it and it smelled like a woman. More precisely, it had Rangiku's scent. Just above his head there were two more round, voluminous and seemingly soft objects. He wondered why there were so many pillows, but without thinking too much, he moved a hand up to arrange them so that they could accommodate his head.
«A-hem.»
That voice left him almost petrified. Turning his head above him and focusing beyond those two pillows, he recognized Rangiku's face looking at him with an expression impossibly halfway between angry and amused. Suddenly everything regained its true nature; no longer pillows and scents, but Rangiku in the flesh with her face, her thighs, her bottom, her tits. And his own hands touching or going to touch the last two parts.
Shūhei jumped backward so suddenly that he lost balance, but the speed he had in kneeling down and lowering his head almost to touch the floor had Rangiku wondering if she had just imagined that almost-fall.
«Sorry, sorry, sorry, I didn't mean to, sorry, sorry, sorry, forgive me, sorry, sorry, sorry...» Rangiku's eyebrow gradually raised as Shūhei continued to speak with frightening speed and, after few seconds and definitely too many words, she decided it would be better to stop him, given that he wouldn't do it by himself.
«All right, all right, I've got it. You're forgiven. Could you please raise your head now?»
He did as requested and looked her in the face. «I'm so-» The glare he received made him understand he didn't need to apologize for apologizing too much.
«Instead, I should be the one apologizing. I entered uninvited and woke you up, I'm sorry.»
«No, don't worry...» He said without thinking. «Uhm, can I ask you why you're here?» He added, confused.
Rangiku took a deep breath, it was time to tell him what she had gone there for. Problem was that, despite arriving there in a rush, now she didn't know what to say. «I brought your Kimono back.» She said, pointing to the desk where she had placed it.
Shūhei turned to the furniture behind his back, not because he wanted to verify the Kimono was there but only for an instinctive reaction; when their eyes met again it was clear to both that there were other things to say. Rangiku sighed and inserted an hand inside the Obi, taking out the letter he had left her.
«I found this.» She said, expecting him to understand what she wanted to talk about.
And as for understanding, Shūhei had understood, but at that point he didn't know what more he could say; his whole heart already lay in those sheets of paper she was holding. He scratched the back of his head, searching for the right words, but even asking her what she thought about it seemed out of place.
«What you wrote here...» She started, raising the letter, «Do you really think you acted wrongly toward me? Do you think you took advantage of the situation?» She asked him, deciding this point was the first one they had to clarify.
He stared at her, as if she had said something totally meaningless. «Rangiku-san, after what has happened... I don't need to 'think' it, it's a matter of fact.»
«And in this 'matter of fact' did you consider that I was the one who asked you to come to bed with me?»
Shūhei blushed imperceptibly. Given his experience with the other sex it wasn't easy to embarrass him, but in his eyes ten, or even one hundred women were nothing if compared to Rangiku. «This doesn't justify me. I could, no, I should have said 'No'.»
«That you did more than once, if I'm not wrong.»
He said nothing, which made Rangiku sigh. «Listen, Shūhei, I'm not angry at you for what has happened. If there's someone who took advantage of the other, yesterday night, that's me; you just offered me your help when I needed it the most. Sure, it had been embarrassing and I'm not proud of it, but I have to admit it worked. If nothing, now I can see things a little more detachedly, even if they still hurt.»
«However-» He started, but she didn't let him continue.
«Do you think I didn't notice how you carefully avoided touching my bosom? Anyone else wouldn't have thought twice about it, so quit saying you took advantage of me before I'll be the one to feel guilty.»
Her tone and her gaze held so much determination that he didn't even consider to object. He shook his head up and down to express his assent and timidly added an «Uh... Okay.»
«And just for the sake of clarity, I don't want you to disappear from my life, I don't want you to avoid me or our mutual friends and I'd never ask you to give up on your rank. So lump it, Lieutenant, because you'll keep seeing me for a very long time.»
Shūhei looked at her dumbstruck and, after a few moments, brought a hand to the back of his head. «I don't think, honestly speaking, that I'll find it unpleasing.» He raised the corners of his mouth in a timid smile that powerfully extended to his eyes as soon as he saw Rangiku reciprocating.
Maybe, Shūhei thought, not only I won't lose her forever, but their relationship might come out of all this even stronger.
After a moment of comfortable silence, he finally realized Rangiku was kneeling down on his tousled Futon. After a bunch of apologies and another menacing glare from her, Shūhei offered her a cup of tea.
«Before lunch time I should manage to drop in on Isane, for an examination.» She said, taking a sip of the drink she had been offered.
«You're not feeling...» He started to ask, but soon realized what she meant. «Oh! Oooh... Do you think...? ...Mmfhh.» He noisily slammed a hand on his face to cover his eyes, calling himself an idiot for having been unable to restrain himself and for not taking any precaution, and shook his head. «I'm sorry, Rangiku-san. I...» She interrupted him with a slap on his arm with the back of her hand, a gesture more symbolic than meant to hurt him.
«Cut it out, I was on that couch, too. Don't make me start again.» She reprimanded him. «Besides, in the last months I didn't have even a single ovulation at the due time, maybe I'm worrying for nothing. But I thought you deserved to know.»
He nodded, without knowing exactly for what part. «Do you... Do you want me to come with you?»
«I think it's better if you don't.» She said, after a short while. «I'd rather not give anyone a reason to spread rumors. By the way, I'd be very grateful if you wouldn't breathe a word to anyone about what happened tonight. Any of it.»
«You don't even need to ask, my lips are sealed. If someone were to ask me why we went away ahead of time, I'll say I saw you home because you weren't feeling very well.»
«Thanks. It means a lot to me.»
«Uhm... Maybe I don't need to say it again, but, should you be pregnant, Rangiku-san, I'm ready to marry you even tonight, if that's what you want. I'll give you all the help you'll permit me to give you. My door is always open for you, Rangiku-san.» He said, looking her in the eyes with a sweet but determined expression.
«I appreciate it very much. Really. Especially considering how I abused your helpfulness.»
«Don't say that, even in jest.» He reprimanded, but in his tone there was no harshness. «I'd be a fine bastard if I'd back out just when you need it the most.» He added in a low voice.
She stared at him silently, weighting his words, then sighed.
«Did I say something wrong?»
«No, not really. I was just thinking back a little about everything. About him, how he behaved, how I let him treat me, about you guys, about you... I was wondering if things between me and Gin would have gone differently had I met you before.» She admitted. «...Or at least, if I had realized before what a nice person you are.»
Shūhei was speechless, he wasn't expecting such a compliment. An hand found the familiar way to the back of his head and, maybe because it seemed she too was embarrassed, maybe because he didn't have the composure to ask her if there was more behind her words, he tried to change the subject.
«Had we met before you joined the Gotei 13, probably you would have become my baby-sitter. At the time I was about this high.» He said, showing with one hand a height more or less equal to that of his head, considering he was sitting on the floor.
«What is it, a nice way to tell me I'm older than you?» She pressed both fists against her chest and gave him a sad and offended expression.
«No!» He rushed to clarify, raising his hands in front of himself. «That's not what I meant, absolutely not.»
«Then what did you mean?» She continued her performance; she hadn't thought he would have taken her seriously, given that he had been the first one to crack a joke.
«I meant nothing at all, I was just trying to... Uhm...»
«Relax,» She waved a hand to point out it was a small thing. «I was just pulling your leg.» She said, then burst into laughter when she saw him pout.
It wasn't an exaggerated laugh and it didn't even last that long, but Shūhei decided it was still a noticeable step forward from the woman that the night before was crying as if there was no tomorrow. His expression softened and, without thinking, he said something that could seem to be of little account but it came straight from the heart.
«It's beautiful to see you smile again, Rangiku-san.»
Speechless, she looked him in the eyes, evidently surprised by his words. «...Thanks, I think.» She answered at last, lowering her eyes again.
Shūhei looked at her, that was the Rangiku he liked. Confident in herself, in her beauty and in her skills, which she was able to show off in everybody's face without making them weight on anyone, the Rangiku that was always successful in smiling. Not because she didn't have the heart or the brain to be sad, but because she had the bravery to face every adversity and, one way or another, she always managed to overcome them. In a way, at least in his eyes, that woman was stronger than life.
Shūhei naturally and outstandingly realized something he had been unsuccessfully trying to understand for quite some time. All the insecurity of the previous months, the doubts he had confessed to her, at that point no longer had a reason to exist. His world revolved around her, what else did he need to convince himself he loved her?
He observed her, those thoughts whirling in his mind, and he was sure Rangiku had never been so beautiful. Staring at those lips he was itching to kiss, he brought an hand toward her and brushed aside an hair lock hiding her face. She turned to him and Shūhei started to approach her slowly, raising his eyes to meet hers.
The feelings he saw reflected in her gaze caused the contemporaneous resurfacing of all the reasons he had to hold back. There wasn't fear, there wasn't disgust, but only much uncertainty and the fact she wasn't ready for what he'd have wanted to start. And it was just because her eyes weren't saying 'No' to him, but 'Not yet', that Shūhei found the strength to stop.
Hurriedly, he withdrew his hand and cleared his throat. «Sorry. You had something in your hair.» He offered as an excuse, but he didn't think even for a moment she had believed him. In the same hurry, he collected and took away the cups they had used for the tea.
Without a word, Rangiku observed him walk away. She had so much confusion in her heart for all the things she had gone through that she didn't know what to think of what he had been about to do -or of the reason why he didn't do it. Surely she didn't mind that much the idea of being intimate with him, despite the previous night's embarrassment, but one thing was searching a form of comfort, another was to really desire someone. They were back at the starting point, at the moment in which things had stopped being normal between them. The only differences were that she wasn't crying, that they had stopped in time and that it had been him to start everything this time.
Maybe that last difference was much more important than it seemed, Rangiku thought. Not for the reasons driving them -that substantially were still her need to feel loved and his wish to make her feel loved- but because it was becoming clear to her, despite the doubts he had expressed, what kind of love he was offering her.
She closed her eyes and stretched her arms on the table, in the effort to leave the world outside her head and clear her mind a little.
Shūhei saw the way she stretched and couldn't help but compare her movements to those of a cat -which wasn't that surprising, considering her Zanpakutō. With an incredible amount of self-control, he managed to deny his imagination the privilege to run a hand on that sensual back to hear the moans of pleasure her throat would produce and he approached the table, sitting near her as if nothing had happened.
«Do you like flowers, Rangiku-san?» He asked, as soon as she opened her eyes toward him.
«Uh... Yes, why?»
«Roses?»
She looked him, trying to figure what he was driving at, and after some seconds nodded. «Yes?»
«Then this is for you.» From below the table, where he had hidden a hand before she turned, Shūhei pulled out a rose of a red-burgundy color, that turned almost black in some points.
Rangiku stared at it with wide eyes, rapt by the dark and melancholy beauty of that flower full of velvety petals. The corolla's richness and the petals' fleshiness were somehow at odds with that color that made it seem old and rotting, as if each petal had been left to dry between the pages of a book.
«It's called 'Black Baccarat'.» He explained, proud that she seemed to like that rose so much. «I took a plant with me during my last mission on earth, a couple of years ago.»
She stretched out a hand to touch its petals, but stopped before reaching them. «It's wonderful,» She said, looking him in the eyes. «But I can't accept it. It's still too soon for me, I'll just end up hurting your feelings.»
For a split second Shūhei wondered if Rangiku had understood what he felt for her, but decided it was best for both of them pretend he never had that revelation. «No, you won't. I'm not asking you out or to be my girlfriend, consider it a token. It's my promise to be there for you any time you might need it. As for the rest, about any kind of relationship we could start one day, we'll think about it when at least one of us will have sorted out his -or her- feelings. Is it a pact you can accept?»
Rangiku didn't answer, at least not with words. Avoiding thorns, she took the rose from his hands without paying attention to the brief contact of her fingertips with his fingers, imperceptible touches that didn't really matter for her but that caused a shiver to run down his back. She brought the rose to her face and buried her nose between the petals, her eyes closed.
«I'm afraid its scent isn't very intense.» He admitted with a slightly embarrassed grin.
«It's still really beautiful.»
«I take it you accept its meaning?»
She stood up, the rose firmly in her hand. «I accept with pleasure.» She bent toward him and, with a mischievous smile, wrapped her arms around his neck. «You're too much of a good guy for me to turn your offer down.» She said, and then placed a kiss on his cheek, just below the 69. When she returned to a standing position, Shūhei was staring at her wide eyes and she couldn't hold back a brief laugh.
«I think I'd better go, now.» She glanced at the clock, it was 11:43 AM. «If I hurry maybe I can go to the Research & Development department and still have some hours to spend with Orihime and the others before they go back to earth. By the way, the Senkaimon will be opened at four o'clock.»
«Research & Development department?» He asked, standing up.
«Yes. I'm sure they have something to keep this rose alive as long as possible, or at least to preserve it in this state and avoid its withering.»
«I have a plant of those, you know. It's still rather small, but I should be able to find a flower to replace the old one at any time.»
«It wouldn't have the same meaning.» She protested, contemplating the flower in her hand.
«Okay, okay, as you wish. I surely won't be the one telling you to throw it away if you don't want.»
«I see you're beginning to understand.» She joked, approaching the door. «See you tomorrow, at the meeting with the Captains.»
«I think I'll come to the Senkaimon, just for politeness.» With 'politeness' he meant he wanted to say goodbye to Chad, who gave him some guitar lesson in the days after the invasion, some months before; considering that the reason why he took that guitar from the real world and was trying to learn how to play it was to impress none other than her, Shūhei omitted that little detail.
«Then I'll see you there.» Rangiku went out the door he had opened for her, waving an hand at him.
«Later.» He watched her walk away for a while, then closed the door and leaned his head against it.
He inhaled deeply. There were still a lot of feelings they both needed to uncover to be able to overcome, and surely it would take a very long while for him to even consider the idea of being something more than a friend for her, but the worst was over, Rangiku seemed fine and Shūhei felt proud for the attachment she had shown to the rose and to what it meant. The fact she hadn't lost her faith in him filled him up with joy, but it was even better to know there was a smile on her face, a true smile that reached her eyes.
And how much he liked to know that smile was meant for him, that was partly his doing.
He brought an hand to his face and caressed the point were she had kissed him with his fingertips. He smiled and shook his head, rhetorically asking himself what his friends and all the women he had shared short affairs and one-night-stands with would think, had they seen him so self-satisfied for a kiss on the cheek. His reaction made him feel a little like an inexperienced kid, but decided that in the end Rangiku deserved it.
She was different, after all, she was the first he had fallen in love with; the experiences he had had with the others involved the body, sometimes the mind, but they never reached his soul, they couldn't compare to what he was feeling at the moment. Little did it matter the night before that same woman had firstly kissed him and then let him 'love' her, those were empty acts that could have been done with anyone and of which memory he would have gladly done without. But that kiss had a very deep meaning and -most important thing- it was meant for him, exclusively and expressly for him.
With an even bigger smile, Shūhei promised himself that one day, it didn't matter how far ahead in time, that little kiss wouldn't be the only thing meant exclusively for him.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Supererò le correnti gravitazionali,
Lo spazio e la luce per non farti invecchiare
Ti salverò da ogni malinconia,
Perché sei un essere speciale ed io avrò cura di te...
Io sì, che avrò cura di te
(I'll overcome the gravitational currents)
(The space and the light not to make you grow old)
(I'll save you from every melancholy)
(Because you're a special being and I'll take care of you...)
(Yes, I'll do take care of you)
Chapter last edited: March, 23 2009
'Futon' is the typical Japanese mattress that goes directly on the floor, 'Makura' is the small rectangular pillow used together with the Futon (I got this from Wikipedia).
Pointless talking: I think 'La cura' is the most beautiful love song ever composed, so I couldn't not use this one to close the chapter...
Thanks to everyone who read this chapter and thanks to the ones who will review. Any opinion, even negative, will be greatly appreciated.