Bleach Fan Fiction ❯ Bleach Fiction: Rejection (60) ❯ Chapter 1

Title: Rejection (60)

Author: theablackthorn

Rating: 12 +

Prompt/Summary: Rukia fears rejection and yet she moves forward.

Warnings: Male/Female kissing

AN: For my 100 themes Challenge.

Tabi clad feet whisper across the tatami floor as they circle each other preparing to strike and counter in a flurry of movement. Rukia could feel the frustration rising inside her again. They have been sparring with each other for weeks now and yet she felt like they never got anywhere.

It was the only time that she felt at ease around the idiot of a man poised opposite her, hands clenched tight around his sword hilt the muscles in his forearms tensed drawing her gaze without meaning too. She shut her interest away, this was a dojo, an arena to practice the art of defense and attack, she would not let her feelings control her here, though she knew as soon as she stepped from his tatami covered floor, out past the shoji doors, the nerves would return a unending spiral of fluttering butterflies bombarding her from the inside.

It had finally reached a sharp crescendo for the simple fact that she was behaving like a lovesick teenager, awkward and off kilter whenever she was around the man she had known since childhood. They had spent untold hours together in the Rukongai and later in the academy training to be shinigami. She had never had this feeling that curled around her heart and squeezed whenever he was near until they had been separated by her adoption into the Kuchiki household. Or perhaps she just hadn't noticed how her feelings for him had changed over the time they'd been together because she had been to close?

But the war was over, distraction's and death finally put aside and she knew there was more to what she felt than a girlish crush. She had experienced such things before; Shiba Kaien was a prime example, but this? This was something more and though she had experienced crushes before, she had never acted upon them. Rukia was still the girl she had been in the Rukongai, feelings untested, which was why she didn't know how to proceed.

This place, the dojo they had trained in together after they'd joined the Academy on the grounds of the Thirteenth Division was the only place that they could share and she could find focus. Because the dojo was not about him and her - it was about focus, training and survival.

Her opponent stood tall, calm, collected, a different man than the one she'd known before the war but no less attractive or interesting in her eyes. He had grown as a man in the intervening years and she was proud of him. But in some ways he would always be her idiot, the little boy she had saved in the Rukongai all those years ago, Abarai Renji.

But the dynamic had changed and she often felt that it was one sided, whenever Renji accidentally touched her, her cheeks would heat and she found herself making poorly considered excuses that on retrospect would fool no one in her desire to get away - to hide her embarrassment at not being able to control simple emotions as any good Kuchiki could.

Rukia can't help but to watch him, whenever he's near he draws her attention, causing her to make Academy level mistakes that she had long grown out of. Those mistakes made embarrassment and anger rise and she often snapped without reason or intent at people that did not deserve her ire.

And yet - lately there had been something off about his behavior. They still sparred almost every day, enjoying the challenge brought to each bout, but Renji seemed almost reluctant to be around her outside the dojo and it made Rukia wonder if her recent behavior had become more noticeable? She wasn't really sure how to remedy it; did she want Renji to notice? Could she handle the rejection that was sure to come when she knew that Renji had always wanted woman more like Matsumoto Rangiku, than her own short and petite frame?

Looking at him no as small beads of sweat dappled his brow that was bare but for the dark striking lines of his tattoo's reaching into his hairline, there is a deep furrow between his brow's, dark eyes sharp and focused on her, he was scowling at her, lips twisted in an angry looking sneer but she could not understand why.

They had been sparring as normal up until this extended pause and her own brow felt pinched, as she called out with open concern that stirred those butterflies in her belly that she had believed banished at the dojo doors. “Renji?” His name came out as a question from Rukia's dry lips as she continued to watch his fierce, yet guarded expression. Rukia straightened from her fighting stance, feeling well stretched muscles shift with the ease of long practice that told her they hadn't been working for long, and lowered Sode-no-Shirayuki to her side, the blade's tip resting against the tatami in an inoffensive posture.

The silence in the room was deafening. Why won't he answer?

“Renji... what's the matter?”

More silence, followed by a reluctant sigh as she watched him straighten from his own fighting stance sheathing his beloved Zabimaru. His eyes flickered to her for only a moment and then they were cast down to the tatami floor at something inside Rukia's stomach twisted in apprehension - there was something distinctly wrong about this.

Rukia didn't think he was going to speak with the way his lips grew thin as though pulled tight and holding in sound through strength of will alone, she'd seen him do that a number of times before - but most often when he was in pain and refused to show it. But there was no pain, they had barely begun sparring, mostly just stretching their muscles at this point.

She didn't think, taking a step towards him, wanting to reach out and brush her fingertips along the length of his forearm in a show of comfort, reassurance and encouragement all in one. She didn't much care at her own discomfort, but he was her oldest and dearest friend and seeing him unhappy pierced her heart with a knife.

Then she heard those harsh words whispered at her through tightly clenched teeth and she froze, a he flicked his gaze up to meet her own and those dark red eyes she had known show so many things, looked fit to kill. His reiatsu licking at the edges of her own for the first time since the Academy; “You like him, don't you?”

The way Renji looked at her in that moment made the hair stand on the back of her neck, apprehension and need warring inside her for dominance at the power he was exuding. It felt like he'd cast a dagger and it had hit her straight through the heart. There was such intense emotion pouring from him and Rukia could only stand there - paralyzed for a moment as her mind tried to understand the accusation he had thrown at her. She could see the swirling emotions that had been hidden behind a mask that she didn't know Renji had possessed and for the first time she knew there was something she didn't like about the man he had become. The honesty and openness of their childhood had changed and she couldn't say she liked the results.

She arched a brow at the man glaring at her from across the dojo, word's coming out sharp in contrast to his rasping accusation, “Who is that I'm supposed to like?” Rukia refused to be cowed by the man, Renji may not be the same man that she had always know, but she had known and would always know that Renji would never harm her.

Rukia felt annoyance stir and her stomach churn but paid it little mind, she needed to get to the bottom of Renji's outburst because she had a feeling that they wouldn't be able to move forward until they had.

“HIM! That... baka... Kurosaki.” Renji turned his head to the side to gaze out the slightly parted shoji to the garden beyond and Rukia noticed the faint red tinge to high cheekbones and the way his gaze had lowered and purposefully avoided her own.

Rukia didn't know how long she stood there just staring at him, mouth slightly open, utterly astonished by Renji's words - his implication. The very idea of she and Ichigo was laughable at best, the two of them were far too similar in so many ways, she had just learnt to hide them better. Ichigo was like a brother to her, a very dear friend.

Renji must have taken her silence as agreement as he quickly strode towards and then walked past her, startling her from her silence as he made a beeline for the exit

She felt his reiatsu curl and press against her own as he drew level then moved past her and she moved without thought, instinct guiding her as it screamed that she mustn't let him leave. She pivoted on her foot, and caught the sleeve of his white training gi, fist bunching in the fabric in an attempt to hold him here with her. “Renji?” Rukia's voice came out sharp and high, a startled sound that was a mix of question and concern.

Renji stopped but didn't turn back to look at her and she could see the tension across his broad shoulders and felt anger and regret stir inside her as the nerves that had plagued her ebbed away.

Her decision was set.

This is what Renji had been stewing over for the past few weeks, the thing he hadn't been able to figure out or talk to her about. She wasn't sure what had instigated his almost violent outburst, the anger and irritation that had been clear on his face for the first time in month's was unwarranted but she took it as a small sign, a possible hope.

Renji thought she liked Ichigo.

Rukia had never been one to lose her words and yet she wasn't sure how to explain the anger, irritation, need and longing that was a jumbled mess inside her. So she resolved that if she could not explain it to Renji and make the idiot male understand that it was him, not her young friend that held her interest, then she would make him understand in the only way the man could comprehend it - show him.

She tugged down sharply on Renji's kimono to get his attention.

“Rukia... what do ya want?” He turned slightly, and she pulled harder, making him turn fully and even though he was glaring at her she didn't hesitate. Rukia locked gazes with Renji, earning a slight widening of his gaze before moving quickly forward and pressing her lips against his, it wasn't perfect, it was quick, chaste and new, the sensation of chapped lips against her own made her eyes close briefly before she pulled away, heat stealing into her cheeks as she dropped her gaze to the tatami, sudden awkwardness and worry making her brow furrow and lip's thin.

Rukia felt her whole body flush, with warmth then chill with dawning comprehension. Perhaps she was a little too much like Ichigo after all - that compulsiveness had apparently rubbed off on her and removed all of her common-sense. She may have just lost her most precious friend, on momentary impulse.

How could she have been so stupid?

Rukia released Renji's gi, noting that he seemed momentarily frozen in place, so she did the only thing she could think of to do - she ran as far and as fast as her feet would take her. She cussed softly under her breath repeatedly as she went, sheathing her sword as she went and feeling as though her world were toppling off a cliff.

When she stopped, and looked around her she realized just where she was and it almost brought a wan smile to her lips. This is where Renji had always come to find her when they were children. She didn't think he would come to find her, and he certainly wouldn't think to come here. It had been so long and perhaps, she considered, they weren't the same people as they had been then. The thought was sobering.

If he did remember, if Renji came here to find her, would he reject her affections in this special place that they had both shared as children? She didn't know. In this tall tree that hung over the dirt path, running alongside the wide river was where their friendship had begun and perhaps it would also bear witness to its end. Rukia wasn't sure if she could bear it - they'd all lost so much already.

But she wanted to stay there for now, letting memories wash over her as she leaped up into the tall tree, settling in the cradle of a thick trunk and a wide branch.

She fell into a restless sleep, without meaning to.

Rukia woke to the bright orange glow of the setting sun that painted the skies in shades of yellow, orange and a familiar bloody crimson. When she looked down from her seat, stretching out her legs and feeling muscles protest, she caught sight of more red and felt her breath catch in her throat, “Renji?”

Her mind pulled up memories as fast as gunshot's rapid firing in her head, the argument, the kiss, her flight from the dojo. And she turned away from his searching eyes, feeling the weight of his stare much like she did her brother's when she had inadvertently displeased him.

She tried to speak but her voice came out thick and scratchy with sleep, “Renji... I... my apologies.”

She knew he would understand what she spoke of; they had always had that between them at least. One could always finish the other's sentence or they used to be able to, but mayhap that that was different now too. Rukia's saw Renji nod his acceptance of her apologies and Rukia felt a lead weight settle in her stomach, sadness a shroud closing around her shoulders.

“Rukia - get down here.” That was an order but Rukia couldn't bring herself to obey him. She didn't bend to anyone's will, especially not his, even now.

“You can't order me around Renji. I won't stand that any more than I used to.” Rukia could feel her anger and annoyance from the past few weeks brewing just under the surface of her skin and it was slowly overtaking the sadness and regret that she knew would remain for a long time to come.

“Rukia... I'm warning you.” The tone in Renji's voice was new, velvety soft, it felt almost like the brush of fur over skin, it left a vague tingling in its wake that Rukia didn't understand, but wanted to. She looked down at him then, meeting his gaze for the first time since the kiss and seeing no anger directed back at her.

Rukia arched a brow and called back, “And what could you do to me - Abarai Renji?” It wasn't often she used his full name and Rukia watched as a muscle in his cheek twitched with agitation.

“I'll do this.” He sprang up from his position at the base of the tree and Rukia didn't see it coming.

He landed with a loud thump, hands reaching out to grip the branches on either side of Rukia's head as she stared wide eyed at Renji. To say Renji surprised Rukia was an understatement would be an understatement, she reached out and shoved him hard in the chest yelling at him, “Renji!”

But when he glanced up at her with his lips split in an unrepentant grin she couldn't help the swift shift in emotion, feeling like she was being rolled on a wave from one bit of land to another. That grin, damn that devil may care smile, who couldn't be pulled in by it? She cursed softly, feeling her cheek's heat as images of their chaste kiss filled her mind, turning steadily more heated before she shoved the images away. The scent of him, raw, wild and just all things Renji filled her nose, the temptation of those curved lips that she'd so recently kissed tried to break her focus again but she pulled back, hands dropping away and clenching in the fabric of her hakama, away from his prying gaze.

Rukia shook her head in denial of thoughts and feelings that wanted to spring to the fore and make her believe he cared more than was true. She could feel her heart racing I her chest, the beat like a drum in her head and she chanced a look up at the interloper from under heavy black lashes.

Renji was watching her with an unwavering stare, as though he was trying to bore holes right through her down to her soul and it made her hands squeeze the fabric of her uniform more tightly.

He looked really pissed off again and she couldn't figure out their sudden shift from one emotion to the next with this man.

Rukia instinctively reached out, hand going to press to his chest but she stopped, brow furrowing before she started to pull it back, eyes turning away. Warm, calloused finger's closed around her own so quickly between one moment and the next she didn't have a chance to avoid the hold he took on her wrist. She looked up and stared with wide eyes as he pulled her hand back to his chest. Her finger's clenched for a moment, before uncurling to lay flat of the damp white cotton of his gi and over the skin bared by the V of his top.

Rukia watched as crimson eyes wavered from their steady gaze as her fingertips brushed his skin and she shifted minutely, the tips of her fingers curling like a cat's and dragging lightly over sweat slicked skin and watched as those dark eyes dilated slightly at the kneading touch. She went to speak and he glared and for the first time she went silent, pulling back from where her body had moved forward unconsciously to follow the hand he'd taken hostage.

“Let me go, Renji.” She heard resignation in her tone and that heavy weight eased over skin to settle over her shoulders again. She couldn't keep hoping then having them dashed on the jagged shards of her broken heart. It hurt too much. She turned her gaze from his expressive features, noting the deep furrow and the lack of that cheeky smile that had adorned his face for a few precious moments.

Rukia wasn't expecting the touch of calloused fingers to gently brush the side of her face and smooth down her neck, her eyes slid closed at the sensation of skin on skin that was so new and foreign but oddly reassuring in there weight. Such an intimate touch sent tingles straight down her spine and nerves fluttering in her belly, the heavy lead weight that she'd felt only moment's ago lifting by slow increments.

Though she couldn't bare more disappointment she couldn't pull away, Renji had one of her hands clasped to his chest, and his fingers were so gentle on her skin and she wanted them there so much. He felt so warm, almost welcoming though she didn't dare to believe it. Heavy eyelids lifted to stare into deep crimson, his face so close she could feel his breath ghosting across her lips as those probing finger's traced up and down sensitive skin.

“I let you go once before - never again. Ya mine Rukia that okay with you?” Rukia's eyes widened slightly at the statement, remembering the long month's after she had joined the Kuchiki household and Renji's sudden absence from her life. It had caused her a great deal if pain and she had never thought that he would miss her as much as she had him. But he had and something inside her opened to him that had closed the day he had agreed to let her go, a door inside her heart that had shut and she had never even known when it had closed.

She sighed softly, eyelid's getting heavy as that warm breath grew closer, hotter, those deep crimson eyes slowly being hidden by dark lashes. “Yes.”

Her voice was a husky whisper and it was cut off by dry lips pressing to her own and she sighed softly into the warm press. They parted and came back together in a series of soft brushes before she took a breath and Renji pressed in deeper, tongue slipping passed her partially opened lip's and running along her own startling a gasp from her before she tentatively reciprocated his touch, earning a heavy groan in response.

They parted for panting breath's, eyes locked together and Rukia found her voice first, “How long?” The question rattled around and then settled inside her, Renji wanted her - cared for her.

Renji chuckled softly, releasing Rukia's wrist to rub at the back of his neck and she watched a blush blossom on his cheeks as he answered, “Years.”

She blinked owlishly, surprised by his answer before shifting, rising to her knees and reaching out to capture his hand with her own drawing it down to press against her cheek, “We wasted so much time…” She looked at him with a surety that she hadn't felt in so long. The doubt, the nerve's everything that had been making her unhappy and jittery was gone. They had misunderstood one another twice and wasted a life time.

No more.

“Love me Renji.” Rukia looked at him with all the feelings she had kept locked away inside her heart.

Renji didn't even pause, “Yes.”