Bleach Fan Fiction ❯ Bleached and Hollowed Ships ❯ Bleached and Hollowed Ships ( Chapter 1 )

A/N: Fandom is good for the soul!!! The crazy inspires one to write ridiculous fanfiction. : ) Meet the sequel of Bleached Ships, inspired by the crazy IchiRuki and IchiHime fans after the epic Bleach chapter 283 was translated (and later 286 and chapters continuing)

 

Disclaimer: Kubo Tite owns Bleach. I just steal his characters and create beautiful crack to go along with them. XD

 

Rating: PG-13 / T (mild or BLEEP-ed out language)

 

Warnings: If you haven't read up to chapter 286 of the awesome manga Bleach, and/or you haven't been involved in the recent and surprisingly mild “ship wars,” some of this humor may be lost on you. If you have been involved, and you don't have an immature sense of humor…or a sense of humor at all, you may quite possibly be offended, and therefore should kindly LEAVE. Mmkay? I'm not here to baby sit or cater to the whines of ninnies who can't even take a few harmless jokes.

 

There's suggested yaoi and yuri.

 

And sadly, this sequel isn't nearly as humorous as the first one, BUT the overall plot is far more amusing. The twists and turns tie in quite nicely to the recent chapters. He he he…

 

OH! One more annoying author's note thing to point out: This will probably be only like 2 chapters, depending on how amused I am at certain stuff, but I may extend it and make it a multi-multi chapter story. It all just depends on my mood.

 

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Bleached and Hollowed Ships

 

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Chapter 1

 

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What really happened in the chapters after 270…

 

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Nothingness is boring, Orihime Inoue eventually decided after an infinite amount of time passed in the deepest void of space.

 

As she was rejecting her rejection of the universe, and the gigantic sunflower slowly opened its petals to reveal its hidden treasures, she plotted.

 

Ichigo Kurosaki was going to be hers, no matter what!

 

And everyone was going to know it.

 

First, though, she had to erase Aizen's memory…

 

---

 

Orihime Inoue's schemes began when Ulquiorra pulled a fast move on Kurosaki-kun and beat the living daylights out of him, to the surprise of Ulquiorra himself and everyone else in Hueco Mundo. She decided that the best way to evoke feelings of love and adoration in her beloved Kurosaki-kun was to get his sympathy. It's how the rules of Ichigo Kurosaki worked: if Orihime could get him to look at her in that “special” way of his, when she was bruised, bloody, and beaten, then she'd know for sure that he was in love with her. After all, Ichigo Kurosaki's looks were what defined if he was madly in love with a girl or not.

 

So, imagine the delight of Orihime when Aizen's two, teenaged Arrancar hoes broke into her room and began to beat her up. She couldn't have asked for anything more perfect.

 

She schooled a look of disinterest on her face while they did it, or else Aizen's girls might have thought Orihime was enjoying her beating a little too much…

 

---

 

Grimmjow Jeagerjaques was pissed as HELL. That bastard Ulquiorra had dared to defeat the guy HE wanted for himself! To defeat…that is.

 

Yeah.

 

Grrr.

 

To defeat and humiliate.

 

Well, now that that loser Kurosaki was beat up, Grimmjow couldn't incur his wrath upon the said guy, so what was he supposed to do now? He couldn't just let Kurosaki get away from him that easily!

 

Then it clicked.

 

The chick who healed his arm! She could fix Kurosaki and Grimmjow could then shower him with declarations of, uh, hate and wrath and, oh yeah, violence!

 

Grimmjow put his hands in his pockets and whistled a happy, cheerful tune as he headed in the direction of a certain captured female's room…

 

---

 

Ulquiorra Schiffer was mentally doing a disco dance while he walked back to his charge's room. For a moment there, he'd really thought he was a goner there for a moment! But he sure showed that Ichigo Kurosaki!! What a wimp. He didn't know why on earth that woman was interested in such a loser. Now, however, he had something to gloat over while he was with her. She'd be so impressed, and Gin was going to be so jealous that Ulquiorra was staring in his very own Soap right now.

 

The glee in his mind nearly reached to his face, his lips almost smiling.

 

That is, until, he noticed how Orihime Inoue's door seemed to be, well, not quite there…

 

---

 

Szayel Aporro Grantz was furious.

 

Where the BLEEP was his BLEEP-ing, no good, BLEEP BLEEP BLEEP-edy shirt?!

 

And his pants?! What the BLEEP-ing BLEEP?!

 

Damn it, he needed to find his tight, hott ass leather pants along with his black and red wife beater shirt, right now! He also needed (and couldn't find, of course) his bondage kit! Did no one understand that he had a potential boyfr—toy to impress?!

 

You just didn't find red hair and delicious black tattoos like that anywhere. And oh, how that red hair would compliment his pink!

 

For a moment, Szayel stopped tearing through his room in search of his hidden stash of clothes, choosing instead to entertain thoughts of one Renji Abarai…

 

---

 

Orihime was quite annoyed when the sixth Espada blew the door to her room away, literally. She wanted to be even MORE bloodied and bruised! She wasn't nearly at the level that it'd take to invoke Ichigo's feelings of love and adoration!!!

 

But she didn't say anything. She calmly waited until Grimmjow was done “rescuing” her and “paying back his debt”. Then Grimmjow told her that he had a “favor” to ask of her, and Orihime was 100 percent sure it had everything to do with her one, true love Kurosaki-kun.

 

“Heal your face,” he'd said.

 

She would have gladly done that, and just left with Grimmjow—he was, after all, her fastest way to Kurosaki-kun—letting the stupid bitches rot, but she thought of her precious Kurosaki-kun and knew he wouldn't approve of just leaving the girls there, so Orihime sighed internally and healed the unworthy Arrancar girls.

 

She got a punch for it (YES!) and strange looks from Grimmjow, but she didn't care. Kurosaki-kun would be so proud of her. She was so happy inside. To hide it, however, she masked a pathetic look on her face so they wouldn't know how elated she was.

 

Once she was done healing the girls, and she and her hollow escort were out of her room in a long corridor, Orihime turned and glanced at the sixth Espada, a crafty look hidden in her eyes.

 

She'd often sat by her door and listened to the conversations of Espada, Fraccion, and Arrancar that passed by. She'd learned quite a few amusing things about the Espada in the process. For instance, she knew that Noitora was a narcotic junkie in his spare time, Halibel liked girls of all shapes and sizes, Ulquiorra used to be a happy, sunny individual until he and Grimmjow broke up due to rather obscure and shady reasons, Szayel loved to play with little children (and no, not in a perverted or harmful way), Yammy was on an eternal diet that did nothing for him but reduce him to tears when no one was looking, and so on.

 

But the most interesting one of all Orihime had learned so far, was that Grimmjow had been a panther hollow. If there was anything she new about cats, it was that they loved being pet, flattered, paid attention to, rubbed, and adored.

 

Orihime quickly healed her face and turned to her rescuer and escort.

 

“Grimmjow,” she purred, her hands slowly running up and down his naked torso.

 

In the privacy of his own mind, Grimmjow preferred the company of males to females, but his baser kitty instincts were all for a female who could purr his name as downright sexy as that.

 

The Espada gave her an appreciative once over and purred back, “Yes?”

 

Orihime pumped and rubbed up against the Espada sensuously.

 

“Before you take me to your intended destination, there's someplace I need you to take me to first.”

 

Before Grimmjow could tell the woman to BLEEP off and that they'd damn well go wherever he wanted, Orihime reached up and began petting him with one hand, rubbing behind his ear with another.

 

“Okay?” Orihime asked, her voice low and soft.

 

Grimmjow was lost in that moment, ready to do whatever the female human wanted, so long as she didn't stop touching him.

 

“Okay,” he squeaked before his eyes rolled up into the back of his head in utter pleasure.

 

Orihime smirked deviously.

 

Everything was going according to plan…

 

---

 

Gin Ichimaru walked through clouds of smoke, stepping over various body parts, spatters of blood here and there, and lots of rubble.

 

This might be his only chance. He never knew when Aizen would summon him, and he couldn't let Aizen know about any of his plans—the future plans—for him and his beloved Rangiku Matsumoto.

 

Rangiku, much to his surprise and her utter sorrow, was barren. She loved and wanted children, but she couldn't have any. When Aizen invaded the Realm of the King and took over the world, Gin planned on sealing Rangiku away during the war, so she wouldn't get hurt. Then he was going to adopt all of the forlorn, orphaned children in the world, and he and his love would have all the children they wanted.

 

At the moment, however, he had no Rangiku, and was, therefore, lonely. It wasn't that Aizen, Tosen, and all of the other hollow-like beings weren't great fun to hang out with…it was just that he missed the beauty and innocence that came with being young and somewhat human.

 

Gin was a people watcher. He liked to watch young people, liked seeing how the generations changed with time, yet still managed to stay the same once each got older.

 

There was one particular individual he'd avidly watched during the Ryoka invasion back in Soul Society. It was a shame that he hadn't had more time to interact with this person, but fate had given him a second chance.

 

Gin expanded his powers a tad to locate the person he was looking for through the smoke and debris. Once he found the reitsu he was looking for, he quickly walked in its direction and stopped just before the weak, bloodied, sorry figure.

 

He planned on adopting this lost, orphaned being who barely had anyone to call family, already loved that snow-white aura that clung to their person.

 

He leaned down, stroked some silky, dark hair, and received a weary moan in response.

 

“You'll do me nice and proud as mine and eventually Rangiku's child,” Gin said with his usual, strange smile…

 

---

 

Yasutora Sado, Noitora, Telsa, and a bunch of other Fraccion and Arrancar had lit a big bonfire and had a wild, pot-smoking beer fest.

 

The Espada and his pals had left Chad to suffer on the cold, hard ground until they'd somehow learned that he was really C.H.A.D, a guy they'd all secretly worshiped. Then Chad was invited to do everything with them. They'd even had medics come and heal him so he wouldn't miss out on any of the fun.

 

Chad planned on quietly slipping away once everyone was too smashed or stoned to realize he was gone. He had a nakama to save, after all.

 

Unfortunately, he got so caught up in the jokes and laughter that before he knew it, they'd all passed out.

 

Now, a raging headache was beginning to reveal it's ugly self to Chad, and all he wanted was to sleep and never wake up. Screw Orihime at the moment.

 

This obviously wasn't what the person who was touching his hair had in mind.

 

And had he just heard something about a child?

 

Chad slowly opened his eyes and looked up at the smiling face of the former Captain of the Third Division.

 

He didn't think he'd ever seen anything so damn creepy…

 

---

 

Orihime and Grimmjow walked amongst the smoke, rubble, and various body parts of one, big, disgusting, and atrociously slimy ex-ninth Espada.

 

The odd pair happened upon the bloody, broken body of one Rukia Kuchiki.

 

Orihime looked down at her with a sneer.

 

As if my precious Kurosaki-kun would want boob-less trash like this.

 

The human female carefully used her foot to roll Rukia over onto her back and began to heal her with contempt. It wasn't that she really wanted to—Rukia was, after all in Orihime's way—but Orihime knew that Ichigo would have felt that awful display of fading reitsu. Ichigo had a big heart. There was no way he'd let even a mere friend go down as hard as Rukia had, so of course he'd want to go back for her. But Orihime couldn't allow that. It was why she'd pounded so frantically on the door to be let out. As long as she had her way, Ichigo and Rukia wouldn't be meeting for a long, long time while in Hueco Mundo.

 

Once she was done healing Rukia, she whipped out a kit full of handcuffs, gag balls, cloths, rope, blindfolds, a few other things Orihime wasn't sure she wanted to recognize…but at least it was coming in handy like she thought it would.

 

“Where the BLEEP did you get that?!” Grimmjow demanded.

 

Orihime shrugged.

 

“Some random guy's room. I'm assuming he was an Espada. You were too busy purring in ecstasy at the scent of Ulquiorra's room to notice me slipping in the one across the hall. I'm guessing your Ulqui-chan must have catnip in there?”

 

Grimmjow sputtered and denied the accusation, but Orihime stopped listening to him, preferring to tie up and gag Rukia instead.

 

She looked back at the kit and noticed a couple of white, edible looking things. She picked one up.

 

“Oh! A sugar cube!”

 

Grimmjow stopped her before she could eat it.

 

“WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?! STOP!!”

 

Orihime gave him a surprised (and slightly annoyed) look.

 

It wasn't that he cared whether or not she landed herself into another dimension, but he did still need her for his own agenda, after all.

 

Her eyebrow raised, Orihime put the cube back in the kit.

 

After Grimmjow explained that it sealed lesser hollows into a dimension, Orihime carefully slipped one into her pocket…

 

---

 

Rukia Kuchiki slowly became aware of her surroundings.

 

She knew she was probably dreaming, as she was warm when Hueco Mundo was clearly a cold, unforgiving place, but she…she knew she smelled…sunshine.

 

Orihime.

 

The unspoken name sent a familiar tingle down her spine.

 

The female Shinigami slowly opened her eyes to the most beautiful site she'd ever seen.

 

Orihime was there. Orihime was so beautiful.

 

Orihime. Orihime. Orihime.

 

It was all Rukia could see.

 

She didn't even notice the words coming out of Orihime's mouth until the girl shoved a gag ball into her mouth.

 

And Rukia was confused.

 

She'd come to save her precious nakama Orihime.

 

Why was she talking about Ichigo? Who the BLEEP cared about that guy when Orihime was in front of her?

 

“It's for the good of the future. You understand, right? Kuchiki-san?”

 

Those doe eyes were gazing at her with so much affection. An amazingly soft hand grazed her cheek. And though Rukia didn't have a clue what Orihime was talking about, she felt compelled to nod.

 

---

 

Orihime, her face lit with a triumphant smile, gave the rope and chains once last good, hard tug.

 

“Good. I'm so happy we've come to an understanding, Kuchiki-san.”

The human beauty bent her face close to Rukia so she could whisper quietly into her ear.

 

“Ichigo Kurosaki is mine now, bitch.”

 

Orihime kicked her nakama into a closet and closed the door with a wide smile.

 

Rukia, her eyes full of confusing, gave a muffled cry that was stifled when the door was shut.

 

Kuchiki-san certainly wouldn't be messing up her plans now! But, if she did, Orihime had a little cube that could sure come in handy if needed.

 

“All right, Sexta Espada Grimmjow,” she said serenely. “Now we can go wherever it is you want.”

 

She glanced at the left over chains and cloth.

 

“Hmm,” she contemplated, eyes glowing with inspiration…

 

---

 

Kaname Tousen was calmly walking through some less used hallways, counting the recent tallies he'd gotten for his “Which Girl Ichigo Kurosaki Will Save First” poll. He'd gotten a surprising amount of last minute votes for Rukia after she'd defeated the ninth Espada. It seemed like Rukia always won these polls when her name was involved.

 

Oh well, Tousen sighed. I guess she's the girl whom that Ichigo has to end up with now. The polls are the work of God, after all. They're never wrong.

 

A group of giggling, gossipy, Arrancar maids walked by Tousen, mentioning how adorable it was that Grimmjow had stolen the pretty human from her room and taken her to that hott Shinigami that Aizen seemed to be so interested in.

 

It took Tousen a few minutes before he realized what he'd just heard.

 

His eye twitched in rage.

 

“GRIMMJOW!” he roared.

 

If Ichigo Kurosaki didn't kill Grimmjow, Tousen would for sure this time.

 

Nobody messed with his polls…

 

---

 

Sosuke Aizen and Wonderwice, long forgotten, were happily spinning on some chairs in an abandoned room, carefree and laughing as gaily as the time when they were still alive.

 

The few people that were daring enough to pass by could only take one look at the scary scene before hightailing it as fast as they could out of that section of Las Noches…

---

 

Ulquiorra guessed that if he ever had a reason to be pissed off, like, so pissed off that he could destroy Aizen with his pissed-off-ness, this was it.

 

Grimmjow was with that stupid harlot! That—that abominable hussy! That COW!

 

If Aizen-sama himself hadn't given Ulquiorra the duty of watching over that walking prostitute, he would have ripped her head off long ago!

 

It's true, he'd been recently contemplating whether or not to make her his REAL woman…but now, after she'd been audacious enough to go off with his Grimmjow…he would never forgive her. Oh, he'd still watch over her—it's not like he could defy Aizen-sama's orders—but gone was any kindness he'd planned on showing her.

 

Forever…

 

---

 

Orihime knew that sometimes, no matter how carefully everything was planned out, certain things just didn't go the way you wanted them to.

 

For instance, she had thought it'd be a great idea if they happened upon Kurosaki-kun with her being tied up in chains and everything. Kurosaki-kun would go crazy for her sake, she was sure of it.

 

However, once they DID happen upon her precious love, he'd been in a shocked coma, completely missing her grand entrance.

 

URGH.

 

But that didn't deter Orihime in the slightest. She'd previously warned Grimmjow that if he ever told anyone about how she wasn't actually the sweet and perfect little angel her nakama thought she was, that she'd rip off the family goods and feed them to her neighbor's large, pet dog. His wide eyes were proof enough that she had his silence, so Orihime decided to take the time and explain to Grimmjow about how much she loved Kurosaki-kun, and that she knew he was the man Grimmjow was taking her to.

 

He was a bit surprised, to say the least, that the chick in front of him was so bright and cunning. They were worthy traits he was looking for in a mate…but the tiny little romantic inside of Grimmjow knew what he had to do. He'd give up Ichigo Kurosaki AND Orihime Inoue unto each other.

 

He silently wept for the loss of a potential boytoy and mate.

 

Well, it wasn't like that was stopping him from beating the BLEEP out of Ichigo anyway, but he'd go a little softer than normal for the sake of the potential couple…

 

---

 

Ulquiorra happened upon the scene of a beautiful human female, his ex lover, and one sorry son of a gun lying flat on his face, and he soon realized that Grimmjow had been after Ichigo Kurosaki the entire time.

 

If he'd been pissed when he heard about Orihime and Grimmjow, it didn't describe how furious he was now seeing and thinking about Grimmjow and Ichigo.

 

He saw the slightly guilty and contemplative look Orihime had on her face when she'd refused to meet his gaze. She was a smart girl, so he assumed she understood the situation perfectly.

 

He instantly forgave her for her wrongdoings.

 

Now, if only he could use her to piss off Grimmjow…

 

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The End.

 

For now…