Bleach Fan Fiction ❯ Court or Caught? ❯ Simple Pleasures ( Chapter 5 )

[ T - Teen: Not suitable for readers under 13 ]

Tite Kubo owns Bleach. I just borrowed the characters.

The following chapter is rather strange, and becomes quite silly. You have been warned.

Simple Pleasures

Ichigo saw Orihime ahead, walking slowly. “Oi, Orihime. Wait.”

Orihime stopped and turned around. Her face lit up when she saw Ichigo approaching.

Arriving next to her, Ichigo did not know what to say. “Um. Ur. You agreed I could walk you home,” he said weakly.

“Yes, Ichigo,” Orihime breathed. She was looking at him with joy in her eyes.

“Let's walk home,” Ichigo said.

They began to walk in the direction of Orihime's house.

“Hey, Uryu's not here,” Ichigo thought. He immediately took Orihime's hand in his and squeezed it gently. Orihime looked at Ichigo, her face showing a delicate colour, and then gently squeezed his fingers in return.

Ichigo suddenly felt very good. He was walking Orihime home. There were no other people watching, no one to remind him that this date wasn't his idea. No one to tell him to stop holding Orihime's hand. Hell, if he wanted to, he could kiss her.

“I'm sorry about the date,” Orihime said quietly.

Ichigo was confused for a moment. “Which date?” he asked.

“The date on Wednesday. I know you don't like to be forced on dates,” Orihime said, her eyes on the ground.

“I wanted to talk to you about that,” Ichigo said.

Orihime glanced at him from the corner of her eye. “Talk about the date?” she asked quietly.

“Yeah. Um, Tatsuki is your friend, right?”

“Yes, Ichigo. She's my best friend.”

“If you asked her, would she act like she wanted to date Uryu? No, that's stupid. Tatsuki would never act like that. You couldn't ask her to do that.”

Orihime stopped walking and dropped Ichigo's hand. Her eyes were again observing the ground.

“I don't wish to betray friends” confidence,” Orihime said.

Ichigo frowned. Confidence? What was Orihime talking about?

“I don't understand, Orihime. Explain please,” Ichigo was intrigued. Was there something she was keeping to herself?

“I can't. It would be wrong,” Orihime pleaded. Her large eyes implored Ichigo not to ask her anything further.

“Is it something Tatsuki told you?” Ichigo believed that if he pressed her enough, she might tell him more.

“Yes,” she replied hesitantly. Her look of discomfort grew.

“About me?”

“Not about you.”

“About Uryu?”

Orihime nodded reluctantly.

“She hates him,” Ichigo guessed. It was a reasonable guess he thought.

Orihime shook her head. She was biting her lip, looking very uncomfortable.

“She really hates him,” Ichigo guessed again. Possibly Tatsuki couldn't stand being in the same room as the Quincy.

Orihime shook her head firmly. Her face was becoming pale at the continual barrage of questions.

“Don't tell me that Tatsuki, warrior woman, likes Uryu?” Ichigo asked incredulously. That could not be true. Ichigo was unwilling to accept the thought.

Orihime did not shake her head, nor nod. “I can't tell you Ichigo,” she said reluctantly

“Does that mean she does like him? Funny, I never thought of them as a couple, but it could work. She has all the passion he tries to repress.”

“Please don't say anything Ichigo. I feel like I've betrayed Tatsuki. Oh, I wish I hadn't said anything,” Orihime pleaded. She leant forward intently.

“You didn't tell me anything, Orihime. Maybe I will talk to her about the date, after all.” A feeling of mischief overtook him.

Orihime's eyes caught Ichigo's in a look of such anguish that he subsided. “Okay, you tell her. I'll make sure that we get them together somehow.”

They were silent as they walked along the street.

“I found it strange that Uryu was so attentive to me. Normally he does not pay me compliments. He's usually nice to me, but today he seemed different,” Orihime said breaking the silence. “I don't think I've seen him angry before. I imagine it's because he was disappointed. Maybe he was acting badly on purpose.”

“Yeah. Maybe. Why are we talking about him, Orihime?” Ichigo asked.

“Probably because I feel guilty,” Orihime admitted after a pause.

“What. You feel guilty? Why?”

“Because Uryu is my friend. I felt sad for him that Rukia's friend turned up, but happy for Rukia. Uryu seemed so alone when we were out together. I wanted everyone to have fun.” Orihime became quiet and stopped walking.

Feeling as if she was about to say something important, Ichigo became still and found his eyes were set on her face.

“I didn't want to go on a date, alone with Uryu,” Orihime said quietly. “I knew that I would go on the date for all the wrong reasons, mainly pity. When Rukia suggested a triple date, it seemed like the perfect idea, but I think it upset Uryu.”

“Of course it upset Uryu. It upset me when Uryu asked you on a date in front of everyone,” Ichigo said heatedly.

“Oh,” said Orihime her eyes wide. “Why?”

“Because I wanted to ask you on a date, just the two of us,” Ichigo finally said. He watched Orihime's face as fine colour stained the skin, turning her cheeks pink. Her eyes shone.

“Yes, Ichigo,” she said quietly.

“What?”

“I will go on a date, just the two of us,” Orihime said, almost in a whisper.

Ichigo was at first stunned and then happy. Without thinking about it he'd asked Orihime for a date and she'd agreed.

“You're not going to insist we double are you?” he asked cautiously.

“Just the two of us,” Orihime repeated.

Without thinking about the consequences, Ichigo put his arms around Orihime and hugged her. She let out a startled gasp, but soon he felt her arms encircle him.

“I thought you were just going to walk her home,” a familiar dry voice said from behind Ichigo's back. Releasing Orihime he turned around.

“How long have you been there? I don't think you're in any position to comment, Rukia. I thought you were going home.”

“I've been here long enough. I decided to walk this way. I thought it was a short cut. Anyway, you're outside Orihime's house. Goodnight Orihime. See you at school,” Rukia said, dismissively.

“Good night Rukia. Good night Ichigo,” Orihime turned and began to walk up the stairs.

Ichigo watched her, wishing Road Train Rukia hadn't turned up. The woman's timing was impeccable; impeccably bad for Ichigo. He felt a surge of resentment.

“You don't have to go just because Rukia said `goodnight',” Ichigo protested.

Orihime had only taken a few steps when he spoke. She turned around and rushed down the stairs. Quickly she kissed Ichigo on the cheek before turning and hurrying up the stairs to her apartment.

“Wipe the idiotic smile off your face Ichigo. It was only because of me you received that kiss,” Rukia said.

They began to walk home together.

“I believe you received your quota of kisses for today, didn't you Rukia? I didn't see you complaining when Renji kissed you or hugged you. In fact I don't remember much of the date when you weren't kissing, or touching in some way,” Ichigo said, stung by her comment.

Rukia glared at Ichigo. “That's different,” she said sternly.

“Different? How? I'm sorry, I can't see how it's different,” Ichigo said.

“I've known Renji since we were children,” Rukia said.

“But you said that you didn't know how he felt. Today is the first time you knew how he felt, isn't it? And you feel the same way. You love Renji,” Ichigo stated.

Rukia stopped walking. “Don't say it so loud,” she hissed.

“Why? It's true,” Ichigo felt like paying Rukia back for her earlier dismissal of Orihime.

Rukia bit her lip.

“Didn't you tell him?” Ichigo found it hard to believe that she hadn't told Renji how she felt.

Rukia suddenly seemed interested in the footpath beneath her feet.

“Did he tell you?” Ichigo asked.

Rukia seemed intent on counting the cracks in the footpath.

“Hell, Rukia. I don't believe it! You're kissing the guy like you're drowning and he's your oxygen supply and you don't tell him you love him? He didn't tell you? What is it about shinigami? Do you have a relationship filter?”

“And you're so good at relationships? Smooth move, finally asking Orihime on a date without being forced. And now we have the fun filled triple date ahead of us. I know Uryu was hurting, but did he have to act like such a prig the whole time? I felt like throwing him in the river,” Rukia raged quietly.

“I think there was only one person who would not have thrown him in the river today. Maybe we should have formed an orderly queue and thrown him in the river in turns. Orihime thinks he was doing it on purpose.”

“Why?” Rukia asked.

“To spoil it for everyone else,” Uryu said, appearing in front of them.

“Is Renji going to turn up soon?” Ichigo asked. “First Rukia turns up, when she's not welcome, and now you.”

“I was making certain that Orihime returned to her home safely. She is my friend. I care about her welfare,” Uryu said.

“I know she is your friend, but did you have to behave like that today?” Ichigo asked

“All's fair in love and war,” Uryu said.

“Love? That's a pretty strong term to use,” Rukia observed.

“So is war,” Uryu replied.

“So, which is it? Love or war?” Ichigo asked.

“I haven't decided. I thought I could care about you Rukia, even though you are a shinigami. It was a shock to find you were unavailable. I was disappointed, very disappointed. I prefer women with dark hair and the ability to take care of themselves. I think all male Quincy's like independent women. They're so much more of a challenge. And, I've heard, so much more fun in bed,” Uryu raised an eyebrow at Rukia.

Rukia smiled at him. “You're only trying to get a reaction. But why were you so competitive with Ichigo?”

“He was acting too smug. I wanted to deflate him, as well as your, ur, friend, Renji. Male shinigami tend to think they're superior, with little basis in fact. It was fun in a twisted way to act like a spiteful person. All of you were convinced, except, Orihime, I believe,” Uryu appeared rather uncomfortable at the admission.

Ichigo had trouble believing what he was hearing. Uryu was being a pain on purpose?

“It was probably easier for you to believe I was a “prig”, because none of you know me well. I am disappointed that a relationship between us is not possible, Rukia. I think a relationship between us would have been satisfactory to both parties,” Uryu continued.

“I require a little more than satisfaction,” Rukia remarked, her eyes sparking.

“And as Ichigo earlier remarked, you are in love with Renji,” Uryu stated, a small smile curving his mouth.

Rukia flushed. “Not you as well! Do you want to publish it? Maybe put a notice in the newspaper? Or send emails to everyone you know? I know. We could set up a pop-up on the internet, just to make sure everyone knows. Okay. I admit it. I love Renji. Are you happy now?”

“I am,” a familiar voice said from the shadows.

“Renji?” Rukia quavered. She looked disbelievingly toward the voice.

“I didn't want to leave. I want to spend some time with you, alone. Can we spend some time together, just to talk?” Renji emerged from the shadow where he had been loitering. “I love you Rukia. I have since we were children. I've lacked the courage to tell you until now. You're a member of a noble house and I'm just a shinigami. I didn't think I had a chance. Please, let me stay with you, tonight.”

Ichigo groaned and rubbed his face. This was getting ridiculous. Next, either Tatsuki or Orihime would suddenly appear or maybe Urahara.

“Can I go home before this becomes even more like a day time soap opera?” Ichigo asked Rukia.

“I don't think I will be coming home tonight,” Rukia said, her eyes on Renji.

“We will need some money,” Renji said.

Rukia asked, “May I have some money, Ichigo? I think we need some money.”

“Tell Urahara to wait for the security deposit,” Ichigo said.

“I'm not talking about a security deposit. I'm talking about some place, private,” Rukia insisted.

Uryu quickly handed Rukia some money. “I think this should be enough. Please take it. Pay me back when you can.”

Rukia gaped at him.

“I behaved like a nuisance today, but I still care about you, as a friend, Rukia. I want you to be happy. Obviously this loud, annoying, red haired, arrogant person makes you happy. I hope that one day someone looks at me the way you look at Renji,” Uryu explained.

“Thanks, Quincy. You're not such a jerk as I thought you were,” Renji said. He grabbed the money with one hand and Rukia's hand by the other and led her away, in search of a place they could talk. They paused under a street lamp to share a kiss. Rukia, carrying the bag with the Chappy T-shirt in her hand seemed to be prepared to let the kiss last. Ichigo eventually dragged his eyes away.

“I don't understand you, Uryu,” Ichigo said.

“You were treating me like a stereotype this morning. I decided to act like one,” Uryu said. “I acted badly when Renji turned up, I know that. But afterward you all expected me to behave like a resentful, small minded and petty person. It was fun baiting Renji though. He is so easy to anger.

“So, do you want to date Orihime?”

“She is an attractive, intelligent person. I would be a fool if I did not wish to date Orihime,” Uryu replied.

“But do you care about her?”

“As a friend. Over time I'm sure it could grow into something more,” Uryu admitted.

“Why all the competition today? I don't understand.”

“It was fun watching your reactions. It was even more fun watching Renji's reactions. I thought you both would be easy to irritate and I was correct,” Uryu explained.

“I take it back. With that sort of warped humour, I won't have to explain the funny parts of One Piece to you. I was fooled by your behaviour,” Ichigo admitted.

“As you were meant to be,” Uryu confessed. “I knew that Rukia was only asking me on the date as a convenience. It was enjoyable to watch her react when I pretended to be interested.”

“So, you were never really..,”

“I was. I was honest when I stated my preference for brunette, independent females. However, when I observed Rukia, I thought she seemed somewhat distant. It appeared to me that she was withdrawn. For a short while, very short, I thought she was interested in you,” Uryu admitted.

Ichigo was stunned and then started laughing. “Rukia and me? She hit me when I suggested it. Do you think I'd be interested in that pushy, annoying, but incredibly sexy female?” Ichigo realised what he said and flushed.

“Yes. That is part of the problem. She is tantalising, but unavailable. I think I know where your inclination lies,” Uryu said.

Ichigo looked at Uryu suspiciously. “What do you mean?”

“I noticed you paid a lot of attention to the perverted shopkeeper,” Uryu said.

What?” Ichigo replied incredulously. Uryu was not suggesting he liked the shopkeeper? The weird guy? It wasn't true. He could prove it because of the following reasons: First of all, Urahara was a man. Second, Ichigo was a man. Third, Urahara wasn't female because he was a male. Fourth, the shopkeeper was a pervert. Fifth, Urahara was a male pervert.

“The expression on your face,” Uryu said laughing. “I meant when he wished to kiss Orihime. You paid a lot of attention to the shopkeeper when he wanted to kiss Orihime. Watching you react to the way people treat Orihime is amusing. I gained so much enjoyment from watching you twist yourself into all different shapes when I asked Orihime for a date,” Uryu said.

“You weren't serious?”

“I was. I am serious. I would like to take Orihime on a date. As you know I am taking Orihime on a date, with far too much company. I like Orihime. She's very sweet and kind, not to mention, attractive.”

“But if you like Rukia, you really prefer a different type of female,” Ichigo said.

“I cannot over look Orihime's outstanding assets,” Uryu said demurely.

Ichigo looked at Uryu. “Keep your mind off her assets,” he said angrily.

“Why? She does not belong to you. She is free to choose,” Uryu said.

“She has chosen. She's agreed to go on a date with me next weekend. Just the two of us,” Ichigo boasted.

“I thought you'd ask her. So what happens on Wednesday? Should I just stay home, or do I act as gooseberry again?”

“There will be another person on the date,” Ichigo said. “Tatsuki will be there.”

“What are you suggesting? That I date Tatsuki? The man-mincing machine? I'm not sure she would be interested. You are her friend, Ichigo, but I don't know her very well,” Uryu said.

“But she's the sort of woman you like. Independent, brunette, strong,” Ichigo said.

“True.”

They stood there and thought about Tatsuki.

“Orihime said something strange to me today,” Ichigo admitted.

“And what was that?” Uryu queried.

“She said she wanted for us to become friends because we had so much in common and you weren't close to anyone.” Ichigo was reluctant to reveal the conversation, but thought it was fair.

Uryu appeared stunned by the words. “She said that?”

“Yeah. I think it's true. Do you want to call a truce?”

“What are the terms?”

“Heck. I suppose I'll trust you more than I trust Keigo. At least you won't try to touch me all the time. We'll be honest with each other about hollows,” It seemed a good idea to Ichigo. If they could share killing hollows, he might get more sleep.

“You could tell me a little more about Tatsuki. Her likes and dislikes, for example. If you are swapping dates, I should have as much useful information as possible.”

“Won't that give you an unfair advantage? Are you planning to find some fire stairs?”

“I would never abuse the fire stair regulations on proper usage,” Uryu was shocked at the suggestion. “There are other private places you can find.”

Ichigo looked meditatively at Uryu. “I think there's something you're not telling me. How long have you been watching Tatsuki?”

Uryu shook his head. “I think you're over-reacting, shinigami. Just because your hormones are running riot through your body, doesn't mean that every teenage male is thinking with something other than their brain.”

Ichigo gaped at Uryu.

“I think you two should go home now. You're waking up the neighbourhood with your conversation,” said a black cat.

“What the hell is going on today?” Ichigo exploded. “My date is ruined, well partially ruined, I spent too much money, I get insulted by a Quincy, I'm constantly interrupted when I'm trying to get close to someone, and now I'm being scolded by a talking cat.”

“A talking cat who needs you to kill a hollow. Or maybe you can do it, Quincy. The hollow needs to be killed now,” the cat said.

“I'll do it,” said Uryu, his bow flashing into his hands.

“You, kid, go home. Sleep. Maybe you'll think this is all a dream tomorrow,” said the cat.

“Maybe I'm dreaming about Alice in Wonderland,” Ichigo mumbled to himself as he wandered in the direction of his home.

Arriving home, he had to dodge the usual Isshin assault. “How was the date, son,” Isshin said as he tried to jump Ichigo.

“Fine.”

“Tell me all the details,” Isshin said, trying to punch Ichigo.

“No. Have your own dates. I don't want to talk about mine,” he answered as he dodged the fist.

“You're no fun, son. I want to hear all the details.”

“Do you want me to get a visual recording of everything, next time?” Ichigo said.

“Not a bad idea. You can borrow the camera” Isshin replied.

“Why am I surrounded by perverts?” Ichigo asked loudly.

“Dad's not a pervert, Ichigo,” Karin said. “He just wants to experience teenage passions vicariously,” she observed.

“That's so cruel, Karin,” Isshin said, tears spilling from his eyes.

“I'm being realistic, Dad,” Karin replied.

“Tell me about your date, Ichigo,” Yuzu said entering the room.

“I had a date. So what? I'm going to my room. I don't want to talk about it,” Ichigo headed up the stairs to his bedroom.

Entering his room, Ichigo was met with a despondent Kon.

“Where's Rukia,” he whined.

“She's busy. She won't be back tonight.” Ichigo did not feel like talking to Kon.

“What did you do to my Rukia?” Kon was in a very demanding mood.

“She's not your Rukia, Kon.” No matter how many times Rukia denied any type of ownership by Kon, he always ignored it.

“What do you mean by that? Of course she's my Rukia. She's not your Rukia and never will be. She's my beautiful, cruel, hot, demanding, perfect Rukia. My goddess. I love it when she stomps me and I can look up her skirt. I want to nuzzle her. Can I borrow…?”

“No, you cannot,” Ichigo nearly yelled.

“What about letting me visit my golden goddess? My passion for Orihime cannot be ignored,” Kon had a dazed look on his face, his paws clasped together when he thought of Orihime.

“I told you, Orihime is out of bounds for you. You are not allowed to see her, or talk to her.” Ichigo was tired on explaining this to Kon. He never seemed to understand.

“Why Ichigo?” Kon whined. “I nearly had my hands on those gorgeous...”

“Shut up, Kon. Orihime knows all about you and doesn't like you,” Ichigo interrupted. Finally he would tell him the truth.

There was a stunned silence.

“What did you tell her, Ichigo? What lies have you spun to tempt my beautiful, golden goddess away from me?” Kon demanded when he finally found his voice.

“I told her the truth.” Ichigo realised there was no point in hiding the fact.

“If you told her the truth she would be here now, embracing me,” Kon affirmed.

“Kon, do you have any grip on reality? Why would any woman as beautiful as Orihime want to hug a peculiar stuffed toy, like you?”

Kon stood straight and put his hands on his hips. “Because she recognises perfection when she sees it. Don't you try and make a move on my woman. Orihime is mine. M I N E. She'd have nothing to do with you. She has more taste.”

Ichigo sighed. “Leave me alone, Kon. I want to study and sleep. I have school tomorrow.”

“I could go to school for you, Ichigo,” Kon said wheedlingly. He tried to look cute and failed dismally.

Ichigo shook his head. “I remember last time you were at school for me. After one hour in the school you would both try to kiss or grope all the girls and insult all the guys. For all I know you'd try to grope the guys as well. Keigo would probably enjoy it.”

“Tell me more about Keigo,” Kon said.

“What sort of tastes do you have? Keigo is a guy.”

“Is he cute?”

“How would I know? He's a guy!”

“You're being picky, Ichigo. Is he cute?”

Ichigo regarded the mod soul with distaste. “I'm going to study and then I am going to sleep. I don't want to talk to you. I've already had to deal with enough perverts today, and a talking cat.”

Resolutely, Ichigo put his headphones on and turned on some music. He started to study, thinking all the while about the date the following weekend. What should they do? Where should they go? Who could he ask for advice? He didn't want to go to the movies again. What else was there to do?

After 20 minutes of thinking about things other than study, Ichigo decided to go to bed.

“How did a cat know about hollows? How did it recognise a Quincy? I wonder how it learnt to talk,” he thought as he fell asleep.

Ichigo had some very strange dreams that night about rabbit holes and rivers.

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Author's note:

I did say it was strange. I hope you enjoyed it any way.

Please review.