Bleach Fan Fiction ❯ Daydreams Come True ❯ Sajin Komamura ( Chapter 34 )

[ X - Adult: No readers under 18. Contains Graphic Adult Themes/Extreme violence. ]

It was normal to be concerned about the welfare of a friend.  If care wasn't taken and all the problems were overlooked, then was it really friendship between the two people?  Or was it merely the spoken words without the real meaning and dedication behind them?  It was easy to be friends, if it purely meant idle conversation and disinterest in the real person that hid behind.

No matter what he did, the past was unchangeable and the cruel events broke through into the present conjured by memory or circumstance.  They were both at a disadvantage from their physical disabilities, but Kaname's past, coupled with his lack of sight had affected him in ways that Komamura could not understand.  

The occasions that Kaname had spoken of his murdered friend, there had been such a depth of longing and remorse in the words that he wondered if friendship was all that had existed between the two.  The way the man's voice deepened each time he mentioned her name, the anger present when he spoke of the man who had caused her death, the bitterness of reproach that he had been unable to help her indicated a stronger emotion.  It seemed stronger than reproach, more like a constant self flagellation for his failure to discover the problem and remove the cause.  

If he had known, if he had the chance to take the action, Sajin wondered how swiftly Kaname would have killed the man.  Would it have been before he married the woman, or after? There had never been a cause stated for the murder, or if there had been it was simply put down to the drunkenness of the man and unstated assumption that it inevitably led to the attack.  The death had been an accident due to the excessive beating the man had administered to his wife due to the rage and alcohol.

As an explanation, it left much unexplained.  Inebriation did not inevitably lead to violence or even anger.  Considering the way the Seireitei operated, the Shinigami would have been apprehended and confined to the Maggots Nest as he was a threat.  

Once or twice he nearly asked Kaname the question which he knew would provide the solution to the puzzle, but each time he held back.  To ask meant prying into a delicate area in his friend's life and he'd hoped that they'd established a measure of trust between them that the information would be volunteered, but it never was.  Experience had taught him that asking unwelcome questions would lead to either a cooling between the two of them, with his friend becoming more distant and unavailable, or a sharp short retort that it was none of his business and a breach of trust and honour to question anything that was not freely revealed.

Sajin occasionally wished to return the insult, because insult it was, but it wasn't possible, mainly because Kaname demonstrated very little interest in his past, his ambitions or his concerns.  When he permitted his mind to acknowledge this, he was forced to question whether what they shared was friendship or scant tolerance for each other.  Being the man he was, with his lifetime of experience and disappointments behind him, he insisted it was friendship, even if it was one sided.  He might not accept it, but Kaname needed friends.  Each time he rejected a possible candidate, his isolation and sadness increased, for all that he denied it existed.  

The time in the Academy had forced them into this ill formed intimacy.  Both were accepted as Shinigami, but the camaraderie with the others of their year never happened.   Once and once only, he heard Kaname make a bitter comment that the people around him were blinder than he because of their lack of acceptance of his blindness, but Sajin knew it was more than that.  While the man was very careful to prevent emotions from being displayed on his face, they were still evident.  He could also not see how people responded to him, a disadvantage which could not be overcome.

Too often his lip curled slightly with distaste, his attitude became aloof or superior, and his speech patterns would slip into condescension if someone displayed any ignorance in a subject with which he was familiar.  He well remembered one conversation when he tried to explain, as tactfully as he could, why one of the more popular female students had left abruptly once Kaname had spoken to her.

"It's a definite indication of her unsuitability to become a Shinigami," Kaname had announced coldly when Sajin had told him the woman had left.

"She will be a very good Shinigami," Sajin replied.

"You only say that because she is very attractive.  You've told me that on numerous occasions."

Sajin shook his head and then remembered his friend couldn't see the action.  "She is attractive, competent and has a very good understanding of the basics," he tried to explain.

Kineme's mouth lifted slightly at one side.  "An understanding of the basics is no substitute for comprehending the importance of justice and the theories that accompany it."

Biting back the sigh that rose on the mention of justice, Sajin persevered.  "Not everyone had your interest in theories and justice.  It's a good thing to have a variety of interests and to try to develop skills in different areas."

"Without a thorough knowledge of justice, how can anyone function effectively as a Shinigami?  We mete out justice to the Hollows and provide them with the opportunity to reform.  The woman failed to listen to my simple explanation." Kaname's voice rose slightly.

That was a warning sign that worried the man to whom he was talking.  The blind student was normally very careful of any emotion that might be discerned in his voice and this proved he was upset and would soon become irrational.  His first thought was to calm the situation, but suddenly decided to force the issue.  If he could help his friend now, this situation might not arise again.

"You didn't have to tell her she was wrong so bluntly,' was his reply.

"People have to accept that they make mistakes and then learn from others who have more wisdom," Kaname returned promptly.

Trying to think of another tack, Sajin replied, "Trying to explain things simply doesn't mean you have to use words between one and three syllables only."

"Trying to simplify a difficult concept meant I had to choose my words very carefully.  If she had opened her mind, it would have been very easy for her to grasp the theory." Kaname's voice rose further.

He only had one more chance to try to salvage the situation and smooth things over.  Feeling his chances slip away, he made one more suggestion.  "You could try smiling when you talk."

It was immediately obvious he had said the wrong thing.

"Twist my face into a pleasant expression?  Reveal my teeth by spreading my lips into an imitation of a primate?  As you do, I'm sure, not that anyone would see it." Kaname rose to his feet and walked away, with no further word or explanation.   

Deciding not to make the situation any worse, Sajin watched him walk away.  His pride had been injured and that was no small thing.  Instead of trying to immediately re-establish the friendship, he waited.  It was necessary for time to pass so the sting of the perceived insult could become less.
 
Weeks passed and while missing the companionship of his closest friend, he formed tentative contacts with others, discussing class related matters in a desultory manner.  He avoided many debates over topics that seemed irrelevant, or at worst, prurient and debased speculation about well known Shinigami as none of those subjects interested him.   The conversations with Kaname about anything but justice had been interesting and forced him to stretch his mind considerably in order to refute his arguments, or try to persuade him to accept other facts and truths which explained the world in which they lived.  Kaname was quick to judge and make decisions.  Attempting to make him change his mind wasn't easy.  In some cases, Sajin didn't even consider making the effort.  

He missed him.  Simply, he missed his friend.  Originally they may have been drawn together by their alienation from the other Shinigami, but the separation indicated that they were friends for other reasons.  They liked to discuss serious matters and debate the things they were taught and the duties of a Shinigami.  It was rare they joked, Kaname found little amusing; of he didn't have much of a sense of humour.  Joking around was fun and he enjoyed an occasional chuckle.  Friendship without laughter was acceptable if he had a friend.

Nights of conversation about meaning were absent.  Idle chat, simple topics of conversation were enough to pass the time but lacked the substance to which he was accustomed.  One person he'd spoken to constantly made wisecracks and appeared to take nothing seriously.  Many of the jokes contained personal comments which slighted many of his acquaintances.  Fortunately the helmet hid his lack of smile and he found he was beginning to avoid the man.  Kaname did not make personal observations of others very often.  When he did, it was never to joke at their expense.

Now he was being more sociable, many of his fellow students asked why he wore the helmet and he either changed the subject or simply shrugged saying he was extremely photo sensitive and any form of light could damage his eyes and skin.  It was a lie, but truth was difficult and the explanations involved would satisfy no one and lead to further speculation.  Growing up looking as he had made it only too clear his appearance mattered greatly.  Questions, jeering words, insults and bullying had encouraged him to hide away from society, but instead he hid his face.
 
At least no one screamed or started throwing things at him when he wore the helmet.  No hordes of angry villagers with flaming torches and pitchforks appeared at his door at the dead of night to invite him to a special barbecue.  

It was uncomfortable and inconvenient as his vision was severely limited.  Learning to fight wearing it had been a challenge and still was as he constantly worked on improving his abilities and increasing his range of attacks.  He never bothered complaining about wearing it as in many ways it served well as his nose and ears were sensitive and extremely vulnerable and from what he witnessed and experienced during training, anything different was a target for foes.  

"You don't hang around with the blind guy anymore?"

He hadn't heard the man who addressed him, approach.  He'd seen him here and there and observed how he interacted with others: never opening his eyes, always a slight smile on his face and a careless attitude to the truth.  Rumours abounded about his supposed relationship with an attractive and well endowed young woman.  Other rumours were less pleasant and whispered between close friends.  He'd only heard bits and pieces which hinted at acts which might warrant execution, but then again, these rumours may have even been spread by the man for his own amusement.  His sense of humour was known to take unusual forms.

"What business is it of yours?"  The man was presuming a relationship between them that didn't exist.  The question was both rude and intrusive.

"It's not.  That's why I'm asking."

The man's effrontery shocked him.  He'd rudely asked about a friendship and then glibly replied to his question.  Perhaps the rumours about his insolence were correct.

"I'm asking because he's been following my friend around."

Did he mean the woman?  That didn't sound like Kaname who'd only ever mentioned his appreciation of one female, and she was dead.  "I have trouble believing that.  He has shown little interest in the fair sex."

Ichimaru laughed.  "Not Rangiku, but he wouldn't be the first.  I mean Sosuke."

The name wasn't familiar and he had a few seconds of frantically searching his memory to try to identify who the man might be referring to.  He dimly recalled a dark haired calm man who wore glasses.  

"Kaname is free to choose his own friends and past times," he said calmly.
 
"Very interested in justice, isn't he?" the man persisted.

"Isn't justice of interest to us all?  We are training to be Shinigami."  Another cool reply might force the man to cease this conversation and go and find other sources of amusement.

"He's a bit dour.  It's hard to make him laugh." Ichimaru grinned widely, indicating he was different.

The man was pushing at him with his words.  "This conversation is over.  If you wish to discuss Kaname, talk to him." Spinning around he prepared to walk away and find a solitary space to think.

The man laughed and asked a final question. "What's under the helmet?  My curiosity is roused."

Deciding not to give the man the politeness of a reply, he left.  

Sitting under a tree in a quiet place he often frequented he allowed his mind to replay the conversation.  Why had Ichimaru spoken to him?   Until now they had little to do with each other.  In the short conversation they'd had the man had inspired him with a lack of trust he'd never experienced before.  

Was the information he provided, correct?  Did it matter if Kaname formed other friendships?  His friend was not the type of person to follow another around.  Very often Sajin was the one who initiated their conversations or went in search of his friend.   Trying to believe this change was real wasn't possible, but perhaps he was seeking new people with whom he might converse.  It would benefit both of them to have other contacts and points of view to consider.

He should trust his friend's judgement.

Returning to the Academy building he sought out one of the worst gossips lodged there.  Until now he'd avoided the woman who seemed to take pleasure in slandering people to any person who cared to listen, and even those who didn't.

After greeting her politely, there was little need to open his mouth.  Gabble flowed easily from her lips as she assassinated characters, committed libel and generally let her venom flow.  For half an hour he endured the barrage of words as she focused on some of the questionable habits of the teachers of the Academy.  He didn't even try to believe that the Kido teacher drank nothing but sake, of the Kendo instructor fondled her students during private lessons.  The private lessons he'd experience were all business with the instructor pushing him to try harder, to control the velocity of his strikes and the placement of each blow.  

Moving onto the Captains, he attempted to block out most of her words.  The Captain's he'd met he respected due to their seniority and ability to bankai.  How anyone could accuse Captain Retsu Unohana of improper actions was something he didn't understand.

Then she began to speak about Rangiku Matsumoto, how she'd sleep with any man, her breasts were augmented by chicken fillets and other assorted unpleasant comments.  This was the closest she'd come to mentioning the people in whom he was interested.  

It was the best chance he'd had since he began the conversation.  Waiting for the woman to draw breath, he asked, "What do you know of Gin Ichimaru?"

The woman seemed struck dumb by the question.  Then she smiled and shook her head.  "The man is a terrible gossip and rumour monger.  You can't trust half of what he says."
It was difficult to stifle an inopportune chuckle at her words.  The helmet hid the smile her words called forth.  "Worrying information.  Does he ever tell the truth?"

Her face assumed a thoughtful expression.  She bit her lip, and then chewed it slightly as if she needed the sensation to help her think about her answer.  Sanjin could see she was torn between answering the question, changing the subject or embellishing on the truth.  

"When it suits his purpose," she answered carefully and then fell silent.  

This was a state which made her fidget.  Deciding to break the silence, he asked, "You are implying that he will tell the truth to annoy or irritate people, or make them act in a certain way."

A frown wrinkled her forehead and she looked at his helmet, scanning it with more curiosity than she's previously shown.   "I didn't say that."

"It is what you meant, nonetheless, is it not?"  

Her words made it clear she didn't like to have her words interpreted.  She could indicate and suggest, but to have the truth offered in return did not please her.   This was indicated by her frown.

"Gin Ichimaru is a man who likes to influence people, on occasions," was her carefully chosen reply.
  
The finality of her tone indicated she did not wish to discuss the matter any further, and it was evident she'd be reluctant to talk any further unless he changed the subject.  She might know something of this Souske Aizen, but how did he change the topic?

"Which Division do you hope to be placed with?"  That was better, taking a personal interest which might deflect her attention.

She simpered and it astonished him.  Was she choosing her division based on the people within it, or what is represented?   There was little doubt in his mind the choice would be the former rather than the latter.

"If I'm lucky I'll join 5th Division.  The Captain is amazing!" were her hastily uttered words.  "His hair is so long," she paused as if realising she was giving an insight into her choice, "and he has such skills and works closely with his Shinigami."

"I see.  An interesting choice," he said, pleased his face was invisible to her.  

"Sosuke Aizen was personally selected to join the Division while still in the Academy.  He is so lucky," she chattered on.

That was the man's name.  How peculiar she should mention the very man in whom he had an interest.  Rather than let the opportunity slip, he spoke casually.  "I wasn't aware people were selected for Divisions before they left the Academy."

"He's said to be very talented and caught the Captain's eye.  I wish I could; I mean I wish he'd see my abilities," she amended hurriedly.

"What is he like?"  

Taking a deep breath, the woman rattled on about the wonderful Captain Hirako, which wasn't what he meant, but instead he sat, waiting patiently for her to take a breath.

"He does sound impressive," he finally broke in.  "I wasn't aware of all his accomplishments.  Yet the man you mentioned, Sosuke Aizen, must also be unusual."

Even though she attempted to hide her reaction, it was clear she didn't wish the topic to be changed.  "Perhaps.  He seems pleasant."

Seems.  An interesting word to use.  Did she believe what she was saying?  Or was she hiding her thoughts?  Or was it simple jealousy?

"What do you know of him?"

A strange expression crossed her face.  "Everyone likes him.  No one has a bad word to say about him and he's known to be friendly and helpful."

He didn't miss the hesitation before she answered, or her impassive voice.  There was the possibility she knew more than she was saying, or there was no gossip about the man she could pass on.  Carefully observing her face, he noticed a range of expressions pass over her visage quickly and to his surprise she spoke very low and very quietly.

"He's almost too good to be true."  

The expression alerted him to what was troubling her.  Most people had a noticeable fault or failing available for examination and wild exaggeration.  So far, she hadn't been able to find anything which made the man look bad, which meant he hadn't done anything wrong or left no traces or witnesses.

"He's friends with Gin Ichimaru," was all he could think of to say.

Her face became even more thoughtful.  "It makes no sense to me."

The concern she expressed began to seem logical to him.  If Sosuke Aizen was supposed to be a model of everything a Shinigami should be, why was he friends with a man who enjoyed confusing and even hurting others?  Was it due to their very difference, or was she hinting that instead of difference it might be similarity which brought them together.  It might be due to her obvious jealousy she mentioned this, or her suspicions might have valid foundations.  

Asking her to share her thoughts only brought a few murmured doubts and then she seemed to become wary.  

"I have to go and study," she said before bidding him goodbye.

He stood and thought.  Tosen was spending time with a man who had been selected for a Division before he graduated from the Academy and was known to be a model Shinigami.  However, the man had dubious friends.  What did it mean?  

Even though he was friends with Tosen, he didn't ignore his faults and obsessions.  To be honest, being friends with Tosen was often difficult.  Most people misinterpreted his seeming disinterest and saw it as arrogance, not that he wasn't.  Why would a man like Aizen be interested in Tosen?  Why was a he friend to Ichimaru?  Knowing his friend as well as he did, it was difficult to imagine the possibility of a friendship forming between Ichimaru and Tosen: one so flippant, the other so serious.  

For the next few days he observed the interaction from a distance, when he had the time and was able to find an unremarkable situation.  He wished to appear uninterested and carried some reading material with him so it appeared he was studying.  Fortunately his ears enhanced his ability to hear and even from some distance he managed to overhear a fair amount of conversation.  Mostly it was about justice and the quest for knowledge.  A few slight references caught his attention, but whenever these arose, the conversation was quickly turned to other, more general topics, by Aizen.

His curiosity was piqued.  

One day as he sat, apparently reading he was startled to hear the approach of his friend.  

"You study hard," was the conversational introduction.

"As we all should," he replied, placing the bundle of papers down and looking at his friend.  "How do you know?"

"Someone mentioned it to me.  How are you?"

This was a conversation between acquaintances, not friends.

"I am well.  How is your health?"  Keep the conversation polite.

"Good."

An uncomfortable silence lay between them.  He didn't wish to break it.  Tosen had a reason for talking to him and he wondered what it was.

"I might have been a little harsh."

Startled his immediately replied, "Smiling is important to sighted people.  It makes them feel more comfortable."

Tosen sighed.  "I realise that now."

Had he discussed this with Aizen?  Was he instrumental in Tosen approaching him?  Until now it was rare he received a concession or admission from the blind man.  Not wishing to sever the tenuous threads of friendship he selected his words with care.

"Sometimes I forget you cannot see.  My remarks show that."

Tosen nodded.  "I cannot see; you do not wish to be seen. We have much in common."

Totally unprepared for this, Sajin asked, "Do you wish me to help you study?  There is much I have been wishing to discuss with someone with your analytical skills."

A nod was the only reply as his friend took a seat.
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Tho se events may have happened years ago, but he still remembered them clearly.  While their friendship was re-established it had changed form considerably.  A change had been wrought which was tricky to identify.  The talk of justice continued, but the fervour had dulled a little.  The demeanour changed also as Tosen became slightly more approachable.  

The trust that had been growing between them was corrupted.  Sajin had done some investigation on Aizen and any rumours about him dried up as fast as he heard them.  The man was Teflon coated.  No mud stuck.  No faults aside from his eyesight.  Forming friendships with those who were mostly friendless, except Sajin, to whom he was polite, but distant.

Doubt of Aizen crept through everything he heard of the man.  When he mentioned the man in idle conversation with Tosen the reaction always confirmed his intuition.  There was more to their 'friendship' than the man was admitting.

When he'd graduated from the Academy he spoke to his Captain who listened and encouraged him to voice his doubts to the Captain-General, Yamamoto who listened to him but showed little reaction.  "I have no cause to doubt Sosuke Aizen," he said carefully.  "Why not approach his Captain?"

The meeting with the 5th Division leader seemed to promise much as he noticed intelligence behind the facade the man presented to the world.  He made a promise to meet with Sajin later, to discuss his concerns, but he and a number of other captains and lieutenants disappeared shortly after.  The rumours of their disappearance were many.  Some believed they were dead, or had been killed while fighting a rare species of Hollow which had managed to infiltrate the Seireitei.  Others stated they had escaped to the human world to be free of the stifling restrictions under which they lived.  All he knew was he'd lost one possible link in proving there was something wrong with Sosuke Aizen and Gin Ichimaru.

In order to monitor the situation, Tosen was to be watched.  Observing him became part of his life, which warred at first with his desire to retain the companionship, but as time passed he adapted.  "It's not lying if I don't tell him my suspicions," was one of his thoughts of consolation.  "It's an omission, nothing more."

At the same time it made him feel less honourable and cheapened his dignity, but his intuition did not permit turning from his course.  

Now Aizen was dead and Tosen consumed by his overwhelming hatred of the Kenpachi was insistent of fighting him to expose him as the traitor he was.  Why Kenpachi was assisting the Ryoka, Sajin didn't know, but urged by the Captain Commander, he too sought to stand against the renegades and invaders.  The death of the man of whom he held suspicions seemed odd.  For a man who was supposedly universally loved, to be killed so viciously struck him as peculiar.  It was almost as if the murderer wanted to display the body so everyone would know he was dead.

He still had trouble understanding the overwhelming hatred Tosen showed for the spiky haired man who acted more like a buffoon than a talented fighter.  The way he had gained his captaincy was permitted according to the rules, which ate away at Tosen.  Added to that he wondered if it was the loyalty he engendered in his division, or he didn't care about other people's opinions, or his total lack of diligence over paper work.  Or was it the slight friendship between the Kenpachi and Gin Ichimaru, or the mocking way he expressed his opinion?  

Each time Sajin believed he'd achieved success in moderating Tosen's view of the situation, shortly after he returned to the conviction that Kenpachi Zaraki deserved death.  Eventually he gave up, not wishing to waste his breath on a task that was never successfully completed.  

Was it coincidence: Sosuke Aizen's death, Byakuya Kuchiki's sister's imminent execution, the arrival of the Ryoka, the fighting between the assistant captains and long term friends?  The disarray in their ranks was only increasing.

There was something seriously wrong in the Seireitei and he sensed Tosen was involved.  He would follow the orders he was given, while continuing to watch.
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A uthor's Note:
I don't want to consider how long it took to write this chapter.  While writing about Captain Komamura was fascinating, there is not a great amount to draw on from the source material and much of this may be incorrect.  Letting my imagination run wild didn't work on this occasion.

Hands up those who want another Ichigo/Rukia chapter?  *counts*  

It may be a little difficult.  I can't randomly knock Ichigo unconscious when he's actually conscious.  While it might be fun, it would be wrong.

So next featured character?  Hisagi?  Yamamoto? Soifong? Momo (shudder).  Isshin?  Unohana?  Decisions, decisions.

Please review.
MS





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