Bleach Fan Fiction ❯ Education ❯ Nothing crude about it ( Chapter 2 )

…Agony. That was the only word for Ichigo's feelings for an hour and fifteen minutes every day, as he sat in the gym—which smelled like old socks—next to Rukia—who couldn't see what his deal was, and was often found with Ichigo's hand clamping hers to the bleachers as he chanted:

“You REALLY DON'T WANT TO KNOW.”

It was agony, that's it, it was torture of the slow and painful variety. It was embarrassing! It was gross! It was—

“Interesting.”

THpppppppbbbbbbth! Ichigo's drink went spewing out of his mouth. “It's WHAT??”

“It's interesting. We were never taught human physiology, so it's really something new. Did you know that the male reproductive—” Ichigo clapped a hand over her mouth.

“If I don't know, I don't want to. Now can we please talk about a less painful subject? Like medieval torture devices? Or war? Or murder?”

“I don't understand what's so hard about this, Ichigo. What's the big deal? I mean really. Come on, nobody's around. We're on neutral territory (they were walking home from school). Now what is bothering you about this?”

“Well—it's just—” Oh, heck. Ichigo was trapped. “I—uh—um…oh……….don't you have…I mean…didn't somebody ever talk to you about this stuff, Rukia?”

“The birds and bees, you mean?”

“Well, yeah.”

“Sure.” She paused. “But with Soul Reapers, and with spirits, it's completely different. Like for example, he talks about this thing called `missi—”

“STOP!!”

“Eh?”

She really didn't get it, he thought. Sighing, Ichigo stopped and sat down on a bench. “You can't just say that stuff, you know! It's…it's crude!”

“There's nothing crude about it.” With that Rukia whipped out the binder the class required them to maintain—Ichigo's had recently been eaten by a Menos Grande and he was nearly finished de-gunking it—and proceeded to show him exactly what the teacher had talked about. It was then, as he stared horrified at his mentor's drawings, vocab lists that most porn videos “bleeped” out, and worksheets over—God, why did they have to study that? that the deputy realized: Their Sex Ed teacher was a real nutcase.

“There's nothing crude about it, Ichigo. It's just a simple act of physical—er—Ichigo?”

Face red, nose bleeding, he turned and ran. She'd flipped the page to a detailed drawing of—oh, kamis. Oh, why? Why must this class be instituted? Why must they learn how to spell such words as even Hollows considered impolite? And why in Heaven did he have to sit next to her???