Bleach Fan Fiction ❯ For The Love of a Friend ❯ Divided Friends ( Chapter 37 )

Tite Kubo owns Bleach and the characters depicted therein. The characters in this story are not mine, except for the original characters. I make no money from the publication of this work.

Divided Friends

Running at top speed, he directed his feet toward his Division. Shunsui had agreed to stand guard over Momo and has enlisted Nanao to watch over Matsumoto.

His skin felt tight and his neck rigid as he moved, anticipating the worst when he arrived. Before he'd left Fourth Division he'd asked Kira to go and attempt to stabilise 11th Division and he'd heard Shunsui talking to Captain Kuchiki and Soi requesting they assist with the situation. Even hearing her name caused him to feel but ignore the leap he felt in his heart.

"I'll increase the surveillance on Lieutenant Matsumoto," Soi said steadily. She was in another room and he didn't dare to look or see her. "Obviously someone made a mistake when they decided she was safe even with her Captain in a few feet." The derision in her tone made him flinch and the anger and tainted emotions were in his mind, making him run even faster as if trying to escape that particular memory.

If she knew how much he hated this, would she despise him even more? All his attempts at trying to protect Matsumoto only proved how little he could do. Unexpected abductions, friends turning into enemies, strange shadowy figures in darkened rooms. The Seireitei was no longer a safe place and he let his mind examine alternatives. The Human world might answer, but who could she stay with? Orihime was in Hueco Mundo as was Ichigo, Chad and the Quincy. He was reluctant to leave her with Urahara and Yoruichi, but perhaps given the circumstances that was where she would be safest. Both were strong fighters with excellent and varied skills and in addition Tessai and the two strange children added to the strength.

The biggest obstacle would be convincing the woman to accept his instructions. She'd pout, or giggle and ruffle his hair, or hug him. He wished she was hugging him now. Then he'd know she was safe and healthy, not under threat of death yet again. Dragging his mind back to Matsumoto's reactions, he was certain she'd make a counter offer. While she appeared to have a budding friendship with both Urahara and Yoruichi, he had his own reservations about the man. His morals were occasionally questionable, and some of his past actions were not something he'd want to examine too closely.

In the back of his mind was the knowledge that if he tried to convince her of the wisdom of the choice she might become mulish and stubborn. She'd argue. She might even cry which she knew confused him. After years of watching Momo cry he still couldn't ignore the feeling he was in some way responsible for the tears and Matsumoto's tears affected him nearly as badly. No matter how he tried to get her to accept his advice there was the possibility she'd baulk and demand that she be permitted to join her husband.

That would be a bad idea.

12th Division would immediately notify their captain, and he had a sneaking suspicion that the information would be passed on to other interested parties. Even if Akon was confined, there might be others who were assisting him. It was too dangerous unless there was a way to use the portal without anyone being alerted. Considering the disarray currently in the Seireitei he wondered if 2nd Division were continuing their surveillance. If he could reconcile with Soi.....

His consideration of the problems abruptly ceased as he stood outside and stared at the Shinigami guarding the entrance and exit of his Division. They looked grim and when they noticed him, slightly apologetic.

"Go in immediately, Captain Hitsugaya. Please," the one on the left urged him.

"Yeah. The place is a fucking shambles. Stupid, bloody woman causing all this. Don't think much of your friend, Hinamori," the one on the right said and then looked slightly apologetic.

Ignoring the insult Toshiro checked to see his uniform was properly arranged, ran his hands through his hair and after squaring his shoulders, walked into his Division. Grabbing the first person he saw, he demanded, "Stop what you're doing and pass the word. I want to talk to everyone , now! Have them assemble in the usual place."

The woman whose arm he'd captured looked at him for a moment, nodded and ran off. He did this to a number of people and assured that the message would be passed quickly, made his way to the large training ground.

Standing in the middle, he waited as he saw his people file in. All of them wore expressions that indicated a dangerous mood. If he didn't choose his words carefully and provide them with the right amount of encouragement and assurance they might not listen. At the same time he had to give a firm warning. Now was a bad time to have any of these unstable emotions surfacing and making the already volatile situation explode into more violence. All this time he hadn't recognised how much he'd relied upon having his lieutenant by his side, providing support simply by her presence. His whole time in 10th Division had been with Matsumoto providing encouragement, annoyance and an over-abundance of physical affection. She smoothed the way in times like this, soothing those most noticeably upset and identifying some of those likely to cause problems. This time he'd have to face his people without her help and her ability to help him soften his words and convey the message. Now he didn't have a choice.

Waiting for people to quiet, he found he was glaring at some of them, willing them to shut up and pay attention to him and stop their jabbering, worthless gossip. He had better things to do than wait for them to clear up any exchange of boring personal details. Once or twice he almost opened his mouth to demand quiet, but instead firmly kept his lips together. To ask for quiet might be seen as a sign of weakness, and he wasn't going to appear weak or in any way less than his normal self. None of these people were permitted to guess at his feelings of confusion and isolation.

After some minutes and numerous stern looks, the noise began to abate. With set expressions, his subordinates regarded him, some seeming to be unhappy to stare at the face of their captain. Did they think he was pleased about this latest development? Ever since that fateful day he sent Matsumoto to ask Zaraki a simple question, his life had been unpredictable and often not agreeable. He'd faced many daunting events, almost lost his lieutenant more than once and drank far too much sake. It was true he'd come closer to some of his acquaintances, but after a disastrous near forced marriage and the regular fights with Soi he felt drained. Did his Division think he enjoyed living through the whole mess?

Finally satisfied that his voice would be heard he then tried to formulate the words he needed to speak. "Lieutenant Matsumoto is recovering."

The words were barely out of his mouth when his Division erupted into cheers. Allowing the excess of relief to die away he again waited.

"Lieutenant Hinamori is also alive."

As soon as he said it and noticed the reaction, he cursed. None of those present would care if his friend recovered, in fact most of them might wish her dead. The news was met with dark mutters and a few angry looks were thrown his way. It took a great effort to remain cool and not permit the flush of anger to rise to his cheeks, or spark his eyes. Quickly trying to cover his mistake he spoke steadily and slowly. "This Division, 11th Division and 12th Division are now under lockdown. If you had retained your common sense this wouldn't have happened."

An outcry, mild though it was, impressed on him that he had perhaps made an error in that last statement. Gradually he began to comprehend that he was not the only person who was adversely affected by the near death of Matsumoto. Subconsciously he'd known it. Zaraki, Shunsui, Yumichika, Captain Unohana, Ikkaku had all shown how upset they were at her pain and injuries. He recalled the desperation with which many people had worked in order for Zaraki to take his small force to Hueco Mundo and save Matsumoto, but mainly he'd been focused on how he felt. Even then the comfort he'd provided to his Division was desultory.

These faces that watched him so closely were those of Shinigami who knew, maybe even cared deeply for Matsumoto. When he wasn't available, or interested, she provided the guidance and instruction to these people. The recent events would only have served to make Momo less popular within nearly every Division and possibly made his own feel threatened from the perilous experiences. To nearly lose someone once was a hated experience, but to be faced with the same possibility within a few days might confuse people and cause them to make mistakes. It was only to be expected as problems accompanied times when uncertainty was the prevalent situation.

Another tactic might be necessary and he caught on that thought. He was talking to people, not entering a war, but if he did not choose his words carefully there seemed little doubt there would be a battle ahead. This time he would provide reassurance.

"We have apprehended the possible culprits and a senior officer is standing guard over Lieutenant Matsumoto to protect her." A few expressions lightened. Realising it made it seem there was still the threat of another attack, he added, "The guard is there by my request, yet there is no reason to believe there will be any further attempts on our Lieutenant's life. I've been assured she will recover and is receiving the best medical attention."

More faces lost their sullen, angry looks.

"When she recovers, I'm sure she will return."

Many heads nodded, but he was reminded once more, how unsafe the Seireitei could be. There had been two attempts on Matsumoto's life, directly or indirectly when she was here. Was it wise for her to remain?

" If we were not under lockdown we could have assisted in protecting our lieutenant." He'd provided the comfort, now it was time to reprimand.

A number of grumbles were heard, but many of them seemed to have trouble meeting his eyes. He had been shocked to hear that his Division had shown a lack of sense in this situation, but found it hard to condemn them too much. He'd made similar mistakes and did not need anyone to point out those errors. At the same time, his people needed to be reminded that he was their Captain and expected them to be able to act appropriately at all times. They were not children. Each of them had undertaken study at the Shinigami Academy and were aware of the proper protocols.

This was not a normal situation and none of the training they'd had until now would have prepared them for the sequence of events. Everyone was on edge because of the abductions and the coming Winter War against an untested and mostly unknown and apparently stronger adversary. The invasion of the Arrancar into Soul Society may have been primarily to abduct Matsumoto, yet at the same time it sent a strong message concerning the security and safety of their world. Everything they'd believed, everything they'd hoped was now open to question.

"Why was our lieutenant attacked by her friend? And why isn't the so called friend dead?"

One voice asked the question, but others repeated it. Almost a chorus rose asking why Momo had attacked Matsumoto.

The main problem was how could he answer that? Both Momo and Matsumoto were in no condition to answer questions, as one was fighting for her life and the other sedated. He'd have to find out but his subordinates needed an answer.

Honesty. He'd tell them the truth. This was no time for empty reassurance or convincing lies. "I don't know why our lieutenant was attacked." It seemed wise not to mention Momo's name again considering how it had been received previously. "Until the people involved are fit for questioning, we can only guess the reasons."

"Is it true that 11th Division tried to kill Hinamori?"

Another voice, different to the first and he didn't bother trying to check who had asked the question. The tone indicated avid interest and reminded Toshiro how rumours spread quickly and the best way to quell them was providing information quickly, rather than letting fantasy embroider on the few, bare realities. The use of Momo's surname indicated how the person who asked the question despised her, but admired anyone who had attempted to kill her. Now the decision to put his Division under lockdown seemed wise, as there may have been more attempts on his friend's life. Handling this situation was requiring more patience and control than he'd anticipated.

"An attempt was made on Lieutenant Hinamori's life by two senior officers of 11th Division. They have been captured and are currently confined."

Many people began talking to each other after this announcement. Some seemed to be pleased that the attempt had been made, others indignant that Ikkaku and Yumichika were being punished for trying to kill Matsumoto's assailant. Not everyone agreed and a few sharp words began to be exchanged.

"Stop it," Toshiro ordered. "We're already under lockdown. Don't make it worse."

His sharp words stunned his Division who looked at him questioningly.

"Do you think Lieutenant Matsumoto wants us to fight amongst ourselves over something that happened to her?"

Guilt showed on some faces and a few other shrugged as if pretending they didn't care.

"We've got to prove we can be trusted so lockdown will be lifted. We have to be free to protect our friends and comrades. "

Many of the Shinigami were nodding in agreement, but there were still a number of people who appeared dissatisfied with his explanation. There were trouble makers in every Division and usually they were kept strictly under control. He sighed briefly as he considered what he could do. Any of the solutions he formulated required time and right now he had other priorities. Later, when he knew what had caused Momo's breakdown and when Matsumoto was restored to them, he'd take stricter measures.

Dismissing his Division, he sought out his fourth seat. She was a sensible woman and close to his second in command. "Mai, I want to guard Matsumoto. Can you keep an eye on the troublemakers? Make sure they're busy. "

The woman gave him a sweet and sunny smile. "It's impossible to stop them talking. I will do my best but bring Ran back as soon as possible. When we see her, many of the lies will be shown to be false, and I miss her."

Once again Toshiro recalled one of the reasons this woman was close to his lieutenant. Before he left he spoke briefly to his third seat giving instructions on how to manage the privations of lockdown and explaining that he would return as soon as possible. While he knew it was his duty to stay with his Division, especially given the circumstances, it was imperative that both Momo and Matsumoto were guarded and he feared something might happen to them during his brief visit to 10th Division.

"Do you have to go to 4th Division, Captain Hitsugaya? We've had some problems..." the man's voice trailed off and he swallowed hard.

Even though he was a good officer, his third seat, Tamaki, was not a leader. He was content to follow orders which he did impeccably, but he lacked confidence and had trouble making decisions. When he was placed in the position of choosing between more than two options he never made the mistake of asking Toshiro what he thought would be the better choice, but he'd overheard conversations between Matsumoto and the man as she tried to force him to make the decision without her input.

"You're a senior officer in this Division. While we on the mission to the human world you were in charge and I did not appreciate all the decisions I had to make when I returned. Don't disappoint me again." He kept his voice firm but pleasant, even though he wished he could rant at the man. There was little point. He wanted to return to 4th Division and the backlash that would accompany any of the rebukes he wished to utter might make it difficult.

The man nodded, his eyes lowered and his attitude bordered on nervous terror. At least this was one 'so called' adult who took him seriously, but it didn't make Toshiro feel any better.

"If it's important, leave it 'til I get back," he said grudgingly.

The man nodded enthusiastically and Toshiro wondered if he'd made yet another mistake. Softening his instructions might result in no decisions being made, but there wasn't time to think about it now. Later, once the Seireitei had returned to some kind of regularity he would address the problem then.

Aware he was delaying the issue he bid farewell and began to walk back to 4th Division, turning things over in his mind.

Increasingly, since returning from the human world.... He stopped, recognising the lie. It had started before then. As soon as he entered into the contract with Soi, it had begun then, or his need to address problems immediately had begun to wane. If he'd tried to force any issues with Soi, he'd felt there was little possibility of winning. Instead the situation has grown. The few attempts he'd made to assert his authority with Soi had made him feel weaker and it had slipped into the way he ran his Division. Instead of addressing problems immediately, for example those he had with his 3rd seat, he'd waited, deciding the time was not right, he was too busy. The man might develop the ability by watching his example. Matsumoto might eventually lose patience and provide an effective threat.

Before Soi, before he permitted another person to have this type of influence on his life, this situation was not only unlikely, but impossible. Unlike the old men who ran the Seireitei, he'd prided himself on moving on issues immediately. If a person wasn't doing as he or she was told, then that Shinigami was reminded of the neglected duties, forcefully.

At first he'd felt trapped by their agreement, and as time passed he'd pretended he wished it would end, all the time hiding his fear that each meeting would be the last. He waited for the words telling him that he'd fulfilled her needs and she needed him no longer.

Or even worse. Some days he expected a letter, a group of words telling him that it was over. Curt phrases, carefully emotionless, containing a small but ineffective germ of thanks, but ultimately surrounding a dismissal. Every time a new batch of papers were delivered, or paperwork arrived, he quickly shuffled through the papers, occasionally freezing when he saw her calligraphy. Then he'd place everything aside and read the words carefully, to only be reminded of duty and obligation. The feared missive never arrived.

After his return and the disastrous statement, it had only become worse.

Their bodies met and combined, finding release and pleasure, but after each act she withdrew from him. For brief seconds he might sense her emotions, but as soon as she regained control a shutter slid down, concealing the vivid glimpse which only made him question if he was deluding himself, all the while pretending none of this was happening.

Shutting his eyes tightly against the lies, he felt a burn in his throat. The continual lies he'd told himself and how he'd fabricated so many things in his life to excuse or work around his fear of accepting the truth.

He'd lied to Soi, Matsumoto, Momo, Zaraki... He didn't want to continue the list. Lying to himself; most people lied to themselves. Created stories about their lives to make their actions more bearable; to excuse a few inexcusable acts by framing them differently, creating a context where the act seemed almost justifiable. Rewriting his personal history to permit him to continue the lies and delusion, because it was necessary to survive somehow in the world and living in reality didn't desensitise him to the real events, only made it harder to bear. Time healed no wounds. Rewriting the past and making it palatable was what most people meant, for all they might deny it. Creating a fog where truth was carefully hidden by lies and interpretations that coloured the events, carefully masking the harsh and jagged edges, smoothing over the razored realisations and paving carefully over the open fissures that could lead to the dark side of the soul.

At last he noted where he was. Leaving 10th Division his path was set for 4th Division, but now he found he had strayed and was standing outside the room where most of their assignations had taken place. His hand was already opening the door and without considering it any further, he entered the room. There was paper and brushes within and instead of focusing on receiving a letter he was now writing one. Writing a letter to Soi to try to make her see sense and dispense with some of the careful lies she'd created and he'd accepted. And the lies he'd also spun. Neither was without guilt, but by acknowledging the guilt, could he free them of the lies and smooth a path between them?

Locating the ink stone, he dripped some water onto is and carefully prepared his ink. All the time he did so, half formed phrases swooped through his mind, some containing impassioned pleas, others coldly reminding her of..... there the idea hung. What could he remind her of? The great sex? The way she'd used him? He wanted her to use him again, every day, or more often.

Wrenching his eyes away from the bed where he was picturing her lying naked in his arms, he looked at the paper and noticed his hand had already written a few words.

"Soi, I love you. Marry me."

A flush rose in his face and his eyes grew cold as he picked up the page and shredded it. As he tore the paper once more he laughed.

No more lies. He'd planned the letter he'd write to Soi would contain no lies and the letter he was ripping assiduously apart contained only the truth, but even now the truth was unacceptable. She would laugh at him and dismiss the letter. There must be a way to entice her to read the letter. Some words he could use to gain her attention and then understand the words he wasn't saying. He wanted to tell her that he loved her without writing the words. Was it possible to make her understand how he felt without sacrificing his pride or slighting hers?

He began:

'Captain Soi Fong'

and then looked at the words. Not very romantic, but he didn't wish to slight her by denying her title. He added:

'Captain of the 2nd Division and Commander of the Stealth Forces.'

Now it was beginning to look laboured.

This page was merely screwed into a ball and thrown onto the floor.

He found he was sucking on the handle of the brush, like a child. Feeling guilty he removed the brush from his mouth and slyly glanced around the room to make certain no one had noticed his relapse. As the room had been empty when he arrived and it still was he continued to question why he worried so much. If his mouth had touched the handle of the brush, what did it matter? It wasn't his thumb. He'd seen Matsumoto suck her thumb, a sake bottle, a writing brush when she was thinking. It was perfectly normal. The one time he'd mentioned she appeared to be sucking her thumb, she'd frowned and explained she had in fact been chewing her thumb nail. He'd nodded unconvinced. She had looked remarkably innocent at the moment and he wished he hadn't mentioned it.

"Soi"

The single word jumped off the page. Should he add an endearment? No, that would alert her to the intention of the letter. If it was abrupt and curt at the beginning, she might read it to see if he was offering her an insult.

"You are the only Captain I trust to exercise good judgement in these difficult circumstances."

That might appeal to her pride. It wasn't flattery if it was true and he did trust her judgement, in anything that did not include him, Momo or the situation they were currently in. He slightly trusted Captain Unohana, but she wasn't here. All the other Captains seemed consumed by private concerns and doubtful motivations. At least Soi still considered the needs of her Division and the Gotei 13, and how all these events might affect the outcome of the Winter War, at least he believed so.

Maybe he was reading good and noble intentions where there were none because of his feelings for her. For all he knew, Matsumoto might consider Zaraki to be driven by honourable desires which seemed unlikely, but her feelings could blind her to the truth. Remembering the look on her face each time she gazed at her husband; the way her eyes changed, growing softer and slightly unfocused when she spoke of him or thought of him, he was certain her views on the Captain were dominated by her love for him.

Once more he marvelled at how quickly and deeply those two people had fallen in love. He'd never suspected Zaraki to fall prey to such an emotion and Matsumoto's appearance and actions hid a fear he hadn't guessed.

His mind was wandering and he felt a tug toward 4th Division. The letter could wait until this particular crisis was over. Rolling up the paper carefully he placed it in his sleeve, unwilling to leave the few short sentences behind. They may not be a whole letter, but they were a beginning. Sometimes the beginning was the most important part of any venture as it promised a conclusion.

 

A.N.

Thanks to ldy moon and Bastion for the reviews. This chapter is for you.

Soundtrack

'Angels Fall First' Nightwish

'Always Something There to Remind Me' Burt Bacharach (but I prefer the version from Xena, Lyre, Lyre, Hearts on Fire as it's slightly amusing).

'Liar, You Lie' Yuki Kajiura from the Soundtrack to 'Noir'.

'No Place to Run' Gym Class Heroes

Review. Reviews sometimes amuse.