Bleach Fan Fiction ❯ For The Love of a Friend ❯ Fraught Friends ( Chapter 39 )

[ X - Adult: No readers under 18. Contains Graphic Adult Themes/Extreme violence. ]

Tite Kubo owns Bleach and the characters depicted therein.   The characters in this story are not mine, except for the original characters.  I make no money from the publication of this work.
Waking the next morning he once again thought of the discarded letters.  Why was he thinking of them?  Vague memories of dreams and unacknowledged fears lingered at the edge of his mind, but any time he tried to examine them closer, the seemed to become more insubstantial and fade into obscurity.  It wasn’t the dreams that concerned him so much as the memories of the letters and the possible disclosure of his secret thoughts if anyone ever found those scraps of paper.
Recalling the first one he felt a moment of worry.  It had said too much: revealed everything he'd been thinking and feeling recently.  But he'd shredded it, torn it into tiny pieces.  No one would bother trying to put the pieces together to read the few scant words on a piece of paper in a room that was usually deserted.  Worrying about it wasn't going to help and there were more urgent matters to consider.  
Like making Soi fall in love with him and decide to test the chances of a possible future shared with her.
He didn’t mean that.  It was more important to try to sort out the current problems surrounding his lieutenant and his friend.
The conversation with Momo had changed his opinion of her slightly, but one conversation did not fix all the problems she had caused.   No matter the beauty or the sincerity of the words, previous actions did not disappear in their presence.  A carefully worded sentiment did not take away the pain or damage, but only covered the guilt the other person felt.   It was a sop to the conscience and now his faith in her had been shattered, it wasn’t possible to trust her with the same easy devotion as he had previously.    
While washing, dressing and eating were essential he resented the time they consumed.  His hair refused to obey his wishes, as was usual, and he frowned in the mirror at his reflection and the hair which seemed determined to defy him.  Why did he continue to look so young?  Did his appearance contribute to his problems with Soi?  If he looked older would she like him?  Or maybe even find it possible to respect him?  Any attempts he made to try to look older were greeted with puzzled glances or amusement from his fellow Captains.  
Everyone knew he was young.   He knew he was young and the only thing that would change that was time.  The problem with time was it wasn’t possible to tell how much time he had, if his life might be stolen from him or he’d exist endlessly as the youngest Captain in the Seireitei until the old man finally found some dupes stupid enough and strong enough to fill the vacancies left by the traitors.  With his luck they would be older than him.  
Nothing was going to change soon.  Focusing on what was important was the main need and finding out how Matsumoto was recovering was top of his list.  Again he was reflecting on the problems of her remaining in Soul Society.  It could not be pure coincidence the strange attack she’s experienced in Zaraki’s quarters while she was sleeping before Momo’s attack.  The attempts to kill or harm her were too  regular to be random.  Letting her stay, no forcing her to stay might lead to further attacks, proving over and over the might of the Gotei 13 was no might, but only a facade of strength to cover the weakness that coiled deep within the heart of the organisation.  She wasn’t safe here.
Where would she be safe?  He’d considered the matter before and had not achieved a satisfactory conclusion and knew he wouldn’t.  Any failure to protect her again would make him suffer immense guilt, aside from any action Zaraki decided to take.  If Matsumoto died, he may as well infuriate Soi into a killing rage so his death would be at her hands.  Of the two, Soi would provide the much more attractive and pleasing sight as his life ended.  
Giving up on his hair, he wrapped his coat tightly around him and opened the door.
“It’s a coat, not a security blanket,” he reminded himself.  Releasing the coat he tried to assume a cool expression as he began the all too familiar walk to 4th Division.  Matsumoto was alive and for that he was thankful.  
"Captain Hitsugaya.  Please accompany me to see Captain Yamamoto.  He wishes to discuss the events of yesterday and the lockdowns."  A messenger was waiting at the door and he knew it was impossible for him to ignore the summons.
Until now he's managed to avoid the old man.  Now he was going to be lectured and didn't look forward to it with everything else taking up his time.
After a brief but difficult and painful conversation he was released. Lockdown would continue until the Divisions had calmed down.  Ikkaku and Yumichika would remain in custody, even when he pointed out how important they could be in restoring 11th Division to some semblance of calm.
"Take their Captain's wife to see them, or get someone else to do so.  That will calm them down," Yamamoto replied sternly.  "You are disgraced, Captain, by the behaviour of you Division."
Toshiro wanted to reply with a justification that would shut up the old man, but knew there was little point.  
"If my Division calms and responds, may they be released from lockdown?  I will guarantee they take no further action against any Division."  Instead of specifying, he'd make it general.  He didn't even feel like uttering the number of Momo's Division.
"I shall see how they respond.  If there is further incident, the repercussions will be felt by all," was the less than reassuring reply.
While walking to 4th Division, he tried to ignore the bitter feelings he was experiencing.  It was better not to think of his recent conversation, but his mind moved onto another, equally unpleasant set of thoughts.
Momo.  Which one was in control?  The raving, vengeful virago, or the person who resembled his friend?  Did his friend truly exist anymore or had she been destroyed by the twin demons of despair and near death?  Did he care enough to mourn her loss?  
There was no doubt in his mind which woman he'd see first.  The sight of Momo might be inflammatory.  At the door to the hospital building, he hesitated.  He wanted to see Matsumoto, to assure himself she was well and improving.   
Instead his feet took the path to Momo's room.  When he noticed, instinctively he began to try to direct his way to Matsumoto's room, but gave into the mixed feeling of fear and hope.  Fear that the recent events had broken Momo's will completely and forced her to retire into the person who had trouble accepting reality and refused to believe anyone as she rewrote the events of her life to suit her fantasy.  If the pain forced her to do so, then she was a danger to everyone.  Any person who was unable to face and live with reality eventually tried to force others to accept their version of events, or die.  Not that he imagined Momo might go on an insane rampage, killing anyone who disagreed with her.  Simply, the targets who posed the most threat were at risk of death at her hands until opposition ceased.  If this was true, he had to act.  
An inward shudder forced him to recognise that there were few options available if the worst occurred.  Confining Momo in the Maggots Nest was harsh, but not as harsh as death at his hands because delegating that task to anyone else was a failure in friendship.  Removing her Shinigami powers did not make her any less of a threat as she still had her fighting abilities, her natural cunning and abilities.  Thinking like this made him sick to his stomach.  
He would see Momo, briefly, to discover which person she was.  If she was the crazy woman, there was no likelihood of a visit of apology occurring and the news would be conveyed to the Old Man, or he might be forced to make an immediate decision.  He gagged on the spume of bile rising up the back of his throat at the thought.  The act of killing Momo had long haunted his nightmares and dreams.  They had drawn blades and fought each other rarely, but each time they had he'd experienced nightmares afterward.  Recently the nights were haunted by similar dreams of Soi and Matsumoto.
Dragging his mind from the unpleasant thought he returned to the promise he'd made the previous day.  If she was truly contrite and convinced him of her sincerity, he might talk to Matsumoto about seeing her.  He was reluctant because though she rarely did it, Momo might lie and pretend she was sorry in order to get close and attempt to kill Matsumoto once more.  How was it possible to work out?  Momo was bad at lying, especially if he stared at her, but the woman who tried to kill his lieutenant was not one he knew and she may be able to lie, cheat and steal for all he knew.  He'd talk to Matsumoto and ask her what she thought.  The one problem that was evident due to his long friendship with his lieutenant was she would forgive Momo if she said sorry and cried.  
Matsumoto's heart was too soft.  Always helping others when she could, joking about things, however the way she felt about long term friends was different.  She forgave them much and gave them more leeway and help. He acknowledged Momo had become Matsumoto's friend partly because of him.  His friendship with Momo had brought the two women into closer contact than normal.  They possibly united because of him, but then found they had other things in common.  Not sake, because Momo rarely drank.  Not men, because Matsumoto pretended and created a facade of being anyone's  and Momo was head over ears in love with Aizen.
He knew he was delaying entering Momo's room.  He'd been standing at the door while thinking, his hand resting on it, ready to open it, but his reluctance to find out the truth bothered him.  As a Captain he needed to be prepared to face any enemy or disaster with fortitude.  It was his responsibility to be able to handle emergencies and make difficult decisions instantly.
This was one of the reasons being a Captain was a thankless task.  To be frank, it sucked.  Trying all the time to rise above the emotional response was a pain in the rear.  Especially when his lieutenant seemed to try to rise above her emotional response and would then end up in tears, crying on his shoulder when she couldn't rise high enough.  Or crying on someone's shoulder.  Yet, after she'd shed her tears she recovered her equilibrium much faster than he expected.
His mind was coxing him to put off opening the door.  He had to open it.  
Gritting his teeth, he pushed open the door.  
Momo was there, traces of tears visible on her face, looking fearful, drained and dejected.  Her face bore all the signs of grief.  Then he noticed she was in a large wheeled chair.  Tied firmly into a large wheeled chair.  Iemura was there, crouched in front of the chair, talking earnestly to Momo.  She, however looked up as soon as Toshiro entered the room.
"I'm so sorry, Shi.... Captain Hitsugaya.  Is Ran okay?  Everyone tells me she will recover, but I hurt her."  Momo was trying to retain control over her voice, but it wobbled.  "I know you told she will get better, but I want to see for myself."
Shiro regarded her closely.  There was sincerity in her voice and face.
"Please, Captain Hitsugaya.  Ask Lieutenant Matsumoto to allow Momo, I mean Lieutenant Hinamori to let her visit?  She's refusing to eat." Iemura was gazing at Momo with a strange expression on his face.
Toshiro sighed.  It was only one day and starvation didn't seem imminent.    
In a choked voice, Iemura continued, "She even asked me to administer the same poison Akon used on the blades."
Momo began sobbing loudly.  "Don't!  I don't want anyone else to know.  You refused to do it and then ran out of the room."
Iemura stood and looked at her with a gentle expression on his face.  "I am a healer.  I don't kill people for mistakes they make."
It was more than a mistake.  Momo had tried to murder her friend.  Why was Iemura making it seem like a minor error of judgement when it was something serious?
"She did try to kill Lieutenant Matsumoto.  Stabbing her with poisoned blades was not a mistake or an error in judgment.  It was a deliberate attack."  Why bother sugar coating the events?  Momo had been doing that in her imagination for too long and he feared being gentle with her now might encourage her to dwell within the realm of fantasy.
"I did.  It's true.  I knew what I was doing and it seemed to make sense, but I was wrong.  So wrong.  I'm sorry.  It wasn't a mistake," Momo's voice cracked on the last word and her sobs shook her body.  
Iemura turned and scowled at Toshiro.  "She's gone through enough.  You don't need to remind her of her actions."
The room temperature dropped significantly before Toshiro realised what he was doing.  The man was treating him like a kid and he resented it.  Taking control, he returned the temperature to normal and waited a few seconds before he replied.  His anger might encourage him to be excessively rude.  He might be rude, but didn't need to go for the throat.  
"We are Shinigami and responsible for the things we do.  Trying to obscure the truth with a petty lie cheapens Matsumoto's life."
Iemura opened his mouth as if he was considering a reply, but caught Toshiro's glare and shut it abruptly.
"He is right, Iemura.  It was my decision and nothing I can do will change the fact I made the wrong choice.  I hate fighting.  I'll kill Hollows because they kill others, but Ran.... Ran is my friend."
Toshiro expected these words to be followed by another storm of weeping, but instead, she looked at him and asked, "Please, go to Ran.  You are her Captain and she might obey you if you ask her to talk to me."
It didn't sound right to him.  "I won't order her to do anything.  It is her decision and any attempt to influence her would be unjust. "
Iemura gasped but Momo nodded.  "I was wrong to ask you Shi.... Captain Hitsugaya."
Waiting for her to say more, he was surprised that she fell silent and looked at him, pleadingly.  The look moved him considerably more than words.  "Okay.  I'll go and talk to Matsumoto.  I make no promise that she will agree to see you."
Momo nodded and lowered her eyes.
Refusing to acknowledge Iemura, Toshiro left the room.  The man was acting strangely.  The protective manner which he was treating Momo reminded him of the way he'd felt about Momo before he admitted he loved Soi, at least to himself.
Was that it?  Had Iemura fallen in love with Momo?  
There was no time to follow through on the idea as he was now standing in front of Matsumoto's room.  Like Momo, he wanted to see how Matsumoto was faring; if she was recovering or had fully recovered.  
"Captain, do you wish to visit Lieutenant Matsumoto?" A quiet voice from his left, startled him.  
"Yes, I do, Hanatoro."
"Permit me to wake the lieutenant and check her health.  She may not be well enough to receive visitors," Hanatoro explained and entered the room.  
Stung by the comment, Toshiro almost followed him, but decided to wait.  So much waiting.  It seemed to take up most of his time.  Once more his gaze was drawn to the linen room.  
Once he's talked to Matsumoto he'd complete the letter.  Making peace with Soi was essential.  Getting her to fall in love with him was wishful thinking, but if they mended what seemed irretrievably broken,  there may be a chance.  A chance was all he wanted.  Holding her, rigid with anger and feeling her gradually soften and warm towards him.  Of course she'd fight him at first.  If she didn't  he would have trouble recognising the woman.  Soi was a fighter; unwilling to permit anyone to see any sign of weakness, except Yoruichi.
A slight fear clouded his mind.  Had she been in contact with her former lover?  Was this the main reason she was so wary of him and didn't wish to have anything to do with him, because she still yearned after the woman who left her without a work, a note or explanation.  Did the former 2nd Division Captain offer her any hope of a reconciliation, or a shared love.  Did Yoruichi wish to regain her former lover and retain her current?  He knew little about the woman, except the stories, myths and legends which were whispered around the Seireitei.  
The small feud which existed between Byakuya Kuchiki and Yoruichi and the rumour of the attempt to form an alliance through their marriage which both firmly rejected; her ability to shun-po faster than any other Shinigami and her constant refusal to behave in a fitting manner for the daughter of a noble house.
It was possible to see the allure of the woman.  He'd seen her a few times in passing after the traitors departed, but had not actually spoken to her.  
Shorter women were his preference. Besides, kissing Yoruichi might give him a crick in his neck and a sharp blade between his shoulders from either of the disappointed lovers.
Soi deserved more than a share.  She could have his whole heart and he would tell her, but it had to be worded carefully.  While she may be direct in her interactions, subtlety was indicated here.  How do you subtly tell someone you love them?
"Lieutenant Matsumoto wishes to see you, Captain Hitsugaya.  Her recovery is complete and was remarkably quick.  There seems to be no scarring and her mind is clear," Hanatoro informed him.
Roused from his thoughts, Toshiro entered the room with haste.  She'd recovered so quickly?  Was it her constitution or something else?  It was curious how fast she healed from wounds or injuries that lay other Shinigami low for days, or even weeks.  If Momo had been abducted and treated like Matsumoto, would she have survived?  Admittedly he knew Zaraki was partly responsible for her managing to hold onto life, and Momo didn't have someone close enough to her to provide that type of support, not that he was certain if anyone else had the ability to do what the 11th Division Captain had done.
Matsumoto showed no sign of her recent injury, but guilt stricken at his inability to protect her, he blurted out, "I'm sorry."
He didn't like apologising, but he'd done so this time without thinking.  
It was strange to have an apology met with a frown.  "No need.  Is… is Momo okay?”  Her voice was hesitant, as if she feared the answer.
Get the bad news over with.  He'd talk about Momo later, but his lieutenant needed to know about the other problems they were facing.   Bluntly he stated,  “I feel that I’m to blame.  It had been pointed out to me that she was not….” He stopped, trying to think of the words he needed and then continued, “but I didn’t think she’d turn violent; she normally hates fighting.  Everyone had been warned not to tell her about your abduction until she had settled down.  12th Division is now under the direct command of the Captain-General and Akon is in the cells awaiting trial.  He may be given clemency if it is proven he was only following orders from a superior officer.  Yumichika and Ikkaku have already tried to kill Momo and were prevented just in time.  They are currently under sedation and 11th Division is under lockdown, as are the 10th and 12th Divisions.” There, he was done.
The frown on Matsumoto's face deepened as she listened to him. “Oh."  She was concerned, but not prepared to comment and then he noticed her eyes flickered, as if she were thinking hard about the news. A slightly guilty expression crossed her face and from past experience he guessed she might feel responsible.
Before she could start blaming herself and going through the normal need for reassurance to drag her out of the spiral of guilt he broke in. “Don’t think it’s all about you.  11th Division wanted to use this as an excuse to fight 12th Division and 12th Division seemed to be expecting the fight.  Captain Yamamoto is not happy.”
That was an understatement, but it was better that way.  
She opened her mouth to ask a question, but he decided to talk first.  He didn't want to discuss Yamamoto, or the other incidents.  They'd happened.   “Matsumoto, I’m beginning to think we need to send you somewhere else.  Either that or you will need to be guarded at all times, even when you think you will be safe.  I know that Captain Fong has increased the surveillance on you, but with all that has happened I’m not sure it’s enough.  I have to consult with the Captain-General.”  Damn, he'd mentioned him again.  
“I agree.  Let me go to Hueco Mundo.  I want to be with Zaraki and they won’t expect me there,’ was her reply.  
At least she hadn't asked about the other things, but this was a mistake.  He'd guessed she'd ask; it was certain she wanted to be reunited with her husband, but he still felt a frission of shock at how quickly she'd made the demand.  “Allow you to go there?  Your husband gave me strict instructions that I was to keep you here and protect you.  The Captain-General has ordered that you remain here.  Even if you go there you’ll be in more danger."  She started back as his voice grew louder.  He was nearly shouting.  Not surprising after all the disasters of the past few weeks.
The well known stubborn look began to form on her face and as swiftly disappeared.  “As you command, my Captain."
The words were right, but he didn't believe her.   “If you’re planning to get around the orders, I will have you confined in the cells.  But I can’t do that as it would make you a target for any agents that may be here.  Matsumoto, why are you giving me this trouble?”  He wanted it to be easy.  Instead it was complicated.  As he ran his hands through his hair, he almost tugged at it in despair.
Matsumoto's face softened and her voice became contrite.  “I’m not trying to, Sir."  The Sir was unexpected.  “All I want is to be with my husband.  I want this nightmare to stop.  We’ve lost so much and gained mistrust, anger, hatred, violence and despair.  Perhaps I should have noticed more, Captain.  I should have persisted with Gin, no matter what, and regained his trust and then I would have been able to stop the disaster.”
She assumed too much responsibility.  Aizen had his own plans and may not have told Ichimaru anything useful.  “You know that would never have worked.  The rape was a calculated attempt to break you and destroy any chance of reconciliation with Captain Ichimaru.  You almost confessed that was your belief, when you told me, except you were too scared to acknowledge the truth head on.  You normally face unpleasant facts squarely.”
She nodded and was quiet, pain and sadness plain on her face.  He couldn't allow her to sink into sad thoughts and he had a promise to keep.  Trying to keep his voice level he asked, “Will you face another unpleasant experience now?”  
A small pause indicated she had reservations about the possible request.  “To please you, Captain, I’ll try.  I’d need to know the situation before I can agree.”  
It was impossible to meet her eyes and staring out the window seemed as good a place to look as any.  What he was going to ask was unfair and while pleasing one friend, he was possibly placing another in jeopardy.  “There’s someone who wants to see you, but you may not wish to see her."
“Who?” She looked confused.
Taking a deep breath and steeling himself, he uttered the name: “Momo.”  
The flinch was unmistakable, but unplanned.
The explanation came out in a rush as he hoped she would once again demonstrate the generosity of spirit which he thought was mistaken, but now realised he relied upon.  “Since she woke up she hasn’t stopped crying and apologising to everyone who enters the room, even the people she doesn’t know.  She is insistent that she apologise to you, otherwise she had threatened to stop eating.” She asked Iemura to administer the same poison that was on the blades to her as she did not feel she deserves to live and now he won’t stop crying.  We have to pretend we don’t notice.”
Matsumoto looked at him, trying to read his face and he returned her gaze hopefully.
“I will see Momo if you are present, Captain.”
Relief mixed with exasperation ran through him.  He hoped this request wasn't the obstacle it appeared to be.  “She has asked that I am not present.  She had been checked for weapons and I have brought your zanpaku-to in case she tries anything.  You are a much stronger fighter than she is and it amazed me that she managed to attack you so easily.  Don’t trust pity."  He didn't mean to sound bitter, but it was difficult not to experience the emotion.
Matsumoto licked her lips as if they were dry, or she was nervous, but didn't reply.  She seemed to be thinking about her answer, so now it was time to provide the one thing which might make her agree.
“Momo has agreed that Iemura can be here, but no one else.  He will have a sedative ready in case her mood changes and she becomes violent."  The bitterness was there again.  
Was it better when they had lived their lives in ignorance?  When Momo's reverence for her captain was a joke and not a tragedy?
His lieutenant's hands moved over her face, touching it as if to provide reassurance that her skin was not damaged. “I’ll let her have five minutes, no more and you have to stay outside the door, Captain.  I don’t feel good about this.”  
Before he brought in Momo, it was necessary to warn Matsumoto that her appearance might be a little odd.  “We’ve taken other precautions, so don’t be too shocked.”
He quickly went to Momo's room.  Upon telling her the news tears sprang to her eyes.
"Ran will see me?  Oh, thank you Shi... Captain Hitsugaya. Thank you.  I promise I won't hurt her." She sputtered.
"You will be with her at all times," he commanded Iemura.  "She is not to be permitted to be unbound or to leave the chair.  Do you understand?"
"I think I know what is required," the man said sourly.  
Toshiro didn't like his attitude.  Instead of saying anything, he nodded and escorted both of them to Matsumoto's room.
As he predicted, Momo began to sob as soon as she entered.  Shutting the door firmly he stood outside, ready in case he was needed.  If Momo attacked Matsumoto again, the Seireitei might crack apart with Divisions fighting amongst each other.
He waited, feeling increasingly nervous as time passed.  There were no raised voices, no sounds of conflict, but the steady sound of conversation and Momo crying.   What was happening in there?
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A.N.
Same excuse as offered for 'Different Circumstances'.  Family problems took up too much time. Now I've disowned them life might be a little easier.
No, I didn't disown them.  Thought about it, but decided it might look bad on my resume.
Soundtrack
'Wake Up'  Alanis Morissette
'Wake Up' Three Days Grace
'Wake Up' Chicane
Thanks to ldymoon, Bastion and FauxFire for the reviews.
Review.  Reviews sometimes amuse.




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