Bleach Fan Fiction ❯ Hollow Charm ❯ Never Forget ( Chapter 21 )

Tite Kubo owns Bleach. I just borrowed the characters.

 

Never Forget

 

“Can the girl even speak Japanese?” the words seemed to take forever to come from the Hollow's mouth and were discordant and jarring in spite of their drawn out quality.

 

Orihime appeared to hear the comment, flushed hard and giving the impression she would like to stamp her foot said, again, “Jikan. Cease. Stop. End. Time out!” Her words were spoken at normal speed. She glared at the Hollow until he stopped moving completely and then she turned away, not even looking at Ichigo. He tried to move, to attract one glance, but she had turned toward Zangetsu. His attempt showed him that he was now locked in place. He could blink and swallow, but no other movement was possible.

 

“Temper, temper,” a flying power said as it perched on Orihime's shoulder. “We're all still learning and Tsubaki loves it if you let one simple comment annoy you. He'll tease you about it and hope that you'll pay attention to him.” Ayame, for it was she, leant across and patted Orihime on the cheek. “You will never be allowed to forget.”

 

Ichigo saw that Orihime was thinking about it and then she nodded and sighed. “I hate making mistakes and I seem to be making them all the time. And everyone sees them and makes fun of me. Those nasty Arrancar, Loly and Menoly were injured because I slipped up. I made a mistake in trusting Mr Aizen and Ulquiorra, not that I really trusted them. Why can't it be easier than this? I'm sure that Rukia doesn't make errors like this, or anyone else. Tatsuki looks noble when she hurts herself and doesn't complain and people admire her. It's only me. I'm the only one who looks like she doesn't know what she's doing.”

 

“We all make mistakes sometime,” Lily reassured her. “You stopped Ichigo fighting with his Hollow, didn't you?”

 

“By mistake,” Orihime glanced in his direction and then dropped her eyes, but not before he saw the misery she was experiencing and the shine of the tears that seemed ready to spill over. “But what do I do now?”

 

“This pause doesn't solve anything, Lily, Miss Inoue. They have stopped fighting but soon your powers will ebb and they will continue, each trying to win, each willing the other to fail,” Zangetsu's clear voice was the cold water that poured over any good feeling Orihime might have been experiencing. Ichigo wanted to tell the man to shut up and give Orihime a break. She was obviously trying hard and he wasn't helping.

 

Not that Zangetsu really helped. He hinted and insinuated, making tiny suggestions, never hiding how he sometimes felt that Ichigo could be faster, better, quicker or smarter. Being trapped forever with his Hollow and Zangetsu would wear on him and he hoped that Orihime could change the situation, somehow, for the better. Seeing her lifted his spirits, sure, but he wanted to be free of this impasse and liberated, forever, from his Hollow.

 

Without her intervention he would have lost the fight. Although he hated admitting to defeat of any kind, there was no reason to hide from that truth. For some reason he felt a slight, nagging reluctance to fight. Sure he enjoyed fighting against some of the people he'd encountered, like Ikkaku and Renji. That Captain, Kenpachi enjoyed fighting for no reason other than he enjoyed fighting and he was scary. But Rukia's brother had a different attitude, as did Uryu. They seemed to take it so damned seriously, like it meant more than two guys hitting at each other with hunks of sharpened metal.

 

Almost like they believed fighting could change the world.

 

But that was wrong, wasn't it? Didn't ideas change the world? Not simple fights.

 

People fought for their ideas because their belief in the idea was stronger than his desire to fight. Ideas could cause wars and heal illnesses. People's thoughts could create harmony or hate. At their best, ideas healed souls as well as bodies. At their worst, they could make terrorists and murderers out of people who normally might have become friends.

 

What was he fighting for? Why was he fighting his Hollow? Was his belief strong enough to start or stop a war?

 

Was anything worth it?

 

Was he worth it?

 

What if he was only fighting for his life? Would he continue to do so?

 

The main problem was he didn't mind fighting other people but he was sick of fighting his Hollow. He'd faced off against the creature time and again and won. Each victory had seemed less satisfying, less like he'd gained a victory and more like he'd staved off another defeat. Did beating a part of himself, if that's what the Hollow was, mean anything to anyone except him? The Vizards had told him that he could only win by completely defeating his Hollow and each time he thought he'd done so, the Hollow had again emerged, not broken or even cowed, but full of the same cocky vigour and assurance he'd come to resent. Would it hurt, just for once, for it to be slightly reluctant to fight? If he could sense that it wasn't certain that it could defeat him; that would make it seem as if it had some grasp on reality.

 

Vaguely he remembered about some man he heard about who'd lived years ago. He'd had a simple message: “Love each other.” For saying that and other things he'd been killed. Who would have anticipated a sentiment could cause death to the person who said it? Again he was reminded of the power of ideas.

 

All the same, bitter wars had been fought about the man and his words. A message of peace had killed people. Was loving others so hard? Why was hate easier than love?

 

There was no way he was going to love his Hollow. That was wrong. The Hollow existed to destroy him; at least that was how it acted more often than it acted to assist him. Had it ever helped him? To love the Hollow was to accept the darkness he was fighting. Zangetsu, Orihime, no one could expect him to do that.

 

“Reconciliation?” The rising note at the end of the word, the high pitch of her voice made him aware that Orihime was trying to think of something, but she felt terribly unsure about what she was suggesting.

 

“Why are you such a fool, woman? Release your Hollow clone and let him stab his lover. Then it will all be over and we can go home, or maybe I can fight someone I want to fight. I want to have a chance to try out my new attacks. Or, even better, you could let me attack that pitiful creature who abducted you,” Tsubaki had a hard edge to his voice and trying to look in his direction, Ichigo felt a wave of confusion.

 

The creature had changed. He no longer looked small and insignificant. Even though he was still small, he was intimidating. Power radiated off him and made his body glow with a reiatsu that rivalled that of some of the stronger Shinigami. Now he had the time he noticed that Orihime's reiatsu was glowing around her body tinged with a rapidly changing rainbow of colours, peaking and encompassing her with a warm glow that seemed both welcoming and forbidding. Obviously there was no love lost between him and Tsubaki, who was still claiming an unnatural relationship between Ichigo and his Hollow.

 

What the creature was going on about, he had no idea. He still couldn't believe that anyone would be that narcissistic to want to have sex with someone of the same gender who looked exactly the same, and was essentially was the same. That was almost as sick as wanting to have sex with any of the people he'd fought. Why he was thinking this way he didn't know. It might be the waves of strong emotion that surrounded him from his Hollow, Orihime and the powers she possessed. His own feelings were clouding his judgment, he knew that, but all the other strong passions seemed to be twisting his thinking.

 

Orihime buried her face in her hands. He ached to be able to move, to provide a word or gesture of comfort to her while she tried to sort out what she was meant to do.

 

“You could follow the suggestion that has been proffered. You now have enough power and could reject the Hollow that is part of Ichigo and it would disappear,” Zangetsu said thoughtfully. “Stabbing the Hollow will not kill him because of what he is, but you could reverse his creation.”

 

Ichigo couldn't believe those words had been uttered and felt a wave of relief encompass him. He would finally be free of the Hollow and the taunts and weaknesses it brought with it. There would be no further reason to indulge in all the pointless contests of fighting against the thing.

 

Orihime didn't answer immediately, but instead seemed to think about it. “Could you repeat that?” she asked politely and quietly.

 

“You could reverse the creation of the Hollow that forms part of Ichigo,” Zangetsu said very slowly and very gravely. “He would be free of it.”

 

Ichigo could see Orihime was thinking about it very carefully and he wondered why she was hesitating. It seemed perfectly clear to him that here was the way out that he wanted, the solution he had been seeking since the day the Hollow had entered his life and changed it for the worse. Had all her words of love been simple words and now she had the chance to prove her feelings toward him, she lacked the will? Maybe she liked the Hollow part of him, the untamed violence that had prevented him from taking their relationship further when the chance had presented itself?

 

It didn't seem right. Orihime was scared of violence, but being in this place may have changed her. The experiences in Soul Society, the human world and here may have caused her to embrace the harsher side of life and now she wanted that at all times.

 

Very quietly, Orihime began to speak, slowly as if she was trying to sort out something as she spoke. “Yes, I could reverse the creation of Ichigo's Hollow. That is true. He would be free of it, forever and never have to fear that it would once again try to defeat him and take him over. He would no longer be divided, but there would be a cost, wouldn't there?”

 

Zangetsu nodded, “Of course, nothing is ever free. Each benefit must be paid for in some manner.”

 

Closing her eyes briefly, Orihime seemed to be searching her memory for something. Then she gasped and her eyes opened quickly and she shook her head. “I can't reverse it. I mean, I can reverse it, reject it, but then Ichigo would no longer be a Shinigami, or a Vizard. The Hollow was created at the time he found those powers and if I rejected them, he would become a normal mortal once again and maybe I, I, I'd lose my powers and so would Chad. We would be here, powerless, unable to fight and then we'd fail against the Arrancar.”

 

Ichigo reeled at her words. Could she be correct? If the option had been presented to him he would have acted immediately, but Orihime didn't. Instead she'd tried to find an excuse so she didn't have to reverse the change.

 

“You are partially correct, Miss Inoue. Actions will always have some effect, some planned, some unplanned. If you did reverse the creation of the Hollow you and Chad would retain some of your powers, but they would not be of the calibre they are now. Ichigo would be a simple, defenceless human being with the power to see ghosts and Hollows, but nothing more. And many here would find his scent and power intoxicating and would seek to devour him as quickly as possible,” he said after a slight pause.

 

“And killing the Hollow?” she said, but the question was aimed at herself. Ichigo was impressed at how quickly she had worked out that if she wanted answers she would have to supply most of the solution before Zangetsu would help.

 

“Just kill him,” Tsubaki said, a note of pleading in his voice. “It's a kindness to kill when you have to live combined with someone you hate. You'll have me and that's all you need.”

 

The other powers immediately surrounded the noisy creature and silenced him.

 

“Jealous! I didn't think your feelings would develop like this!” Lily sounded shocked. “I've talked to you, we all have, and you should listen. Remember what you are, what we all are.”

 

“Pick on someone your own size,” Baigon's voice was full of reproach. “Respect and admiration are fine, but your emotions are too volatile,” he continued and Ichigo thought he sounded sad, as though he was making an admission that exposed a badly hidden and regrettable weakness.

 

Ayame cuddled up close to Tsubaki and smiled into his face, her eyes sparkling with mischief. “No chance there. Her heart was already given before you even came into existence. You know, I might be interested, if you had a personality transplant.” She giggled and danced out of Tsubaki's way as he swatted at her angrily.

 

“I don't want you. You're not my type and never will be,” he yelled at her. “Even if you had a body transplant.”

 

It was clear to Ichigo that Tsubaki felt he was a rival for Orihime. After he'd heard the way the power had insulted the girl so often, he was bemused but not shocked. When Orihime had been knocked out during the fight with the Hollow, for a moment the power had shown fear and anger. Fear that she had been hurt and anger directed at his inability to protect her, but the moment had passed quickly once Tsubaki had been assured she would recover. That was when he began insulting Ichigo.

 

Apparently ignoring the byplay Orihime was staring at the Hollow and moved closer. For a period she stood, examining his face; then looking at Ichigo as if she were comparing the two of them. A look of concern wrinkled her brow and incredibly she reached out and touched the Hollow's face. The creature blinked in astonishment as her fingers smoothed his skin.

 

“I'm sorry for you,” the girl told the creature, her voice expressing the pity she had mentioned. “It must be hard to be called into being and then have to struggle to understand what you are. To live in a constant battle and hate every moment you are forced to prolong existence. I think you would be pleased to be reversed, even if you never admitted it, but even if I want to, I can't. You understand, don't you?”

 

She gazed into the black eyes and Ichigo wondered what she could see. If he had the use of his mouth he would have told her to back away, to maintain a big distance from the creature, but he could not speak and she continued to look at his corrupt double. Finally she pressed her lips gently to the thing's cheek and again Ichigo struggled to say something, to protest. How could she do that? How could she touch something that was loathsome and disgusting that he hated more than any other being he'd encountered? Didn't she understand that she should not sully herself by contact with his enemy, the being that was seeking any means to overcome him and destroy him? His chest burned as he tried to draw in the air to protest and his frozen muscles tried to contract to break the unseen bonds that were holding him. This was true horror. The woman he loved kissing his worst enemy while he was helpless to prevent it.

 

Without looking toward him, her concentration still fixed on the Hollow, she said, “I'm not surprised you were created. You're everything Ichigo has been repressing for so long. He needs you and you need him, but divided as you are, neither of you can accept it. A child should not see his mother die and feel that he was the cause of her death. He was a child and didn't understand. You're still a child, aren't you? You appear grown up, but you aren't.”

 

The words made no sense. The feeling of revulsion he felt as he saw her lips caress the cheek made him want to scream in fury and loss. Orihime understood nothing, saw nothing. She was prepared to accept a thing that wore his face and form but was nothing like him. For all her protestations of love, she had failed him. Or was she trying to please him by trying to accept this other being that she mistakenly thought was part of him? He tried to shut his eyes so he could deny what he heard, but his eyes refused to close.

 

“You begin to understand,” Zangetsu said gently appearing behind Orihime and leaning over her shoulder. “How do you change it?”

 

The girl sighed very deeply. “I'm not prepared for this. I don't know if anyone could be, but me least of all.” She turned and looked at Zangetsu and her eyes were wet from tears. “My brother loved me and love made a monster of him, but I loved the monster. He was still my brother, despite any changes.” Her breath caught and she swallowed, her hand covering her mouth. “It hurt to love him, knowing I would lose him again, but it was the only way to free him. He didn't deserve to live with the unending hunger and fear. That was too cruel for a kind man who only tried to protect me.”

 

The fury that had surged within Ichigo when he saw her touch his Hollow died when Orihime mentioned her brother. His friend was too kind, trying to see the same level of goodness in his Hollow that had existed in her brother. That was wrong. There was nothing worthy of redemption in the creature to which he was tied. The great compassion he had witnessed so many times was leading her to make bad judgement against which he couldn't warn her.

 

Tsubaki was fluttering frantically in front of Orihime, having broken from the other powers. `I'll protect you, foolish woman. I can replace your brother, and this person you're infatuated with. Give me a chance. Learn to love me.”

 

A sweet, but small smile touched Orihime's face. “You know you can't replace anyone special to me, because you're special and you're part of me. Tsubaki, I do love you.”

 

He seemed transformed with joy but he still turned and made a jeering face at Ichigo.

 

“I love you as I love all my powers. As I said you're part of me and it means if I love you then I have to love myself, something I've been reluctant to do,” Orihime's words slowed down and she nodded at Tsubaki who had gone from glowing with pride to simply glowering at Ichigo.

 

Shuno clapped her hands. “You're beginning to understand. I knew you would. All you needed was the right situation and desire to find a solution. I'm so proud of you, Orihime.”

 

“There will be time for rejoicing later,” Baigon said solemnly. “The puzzle is still not solved.”

 

There was a pause and Orihime wiped her face, removing the tears that had continued to fall gently even when she was smiling, and turned to Ichigo. “I'm sorry Ichigo. I once told you that if you died I would miss you more than my brother. That is not true because I already know how it feels to lose him. I've tried to block it out and ignore it, but being here, where he was, I can feel how it hurt him.”

 

As she spoke Ichigo remembered that occasion. That had been before she'd used the charm for the first time. When she had originally said the words, he had felt a pain stab at his chest. It had diminished her and made his original respect wither. Even though it had been only a few weeks ago, it seemed like the experience had happened to two other people, people he hardly knew.

 

“He was a full Hollow, but he was still at war with himself. It was my fault he didn't go directly to Soul Society because he stayed behind to watch over me and I feel the burden of guilt that he remained as a ghost until he was consumed by the Hollows and then turned into one. You saved him, Ichigo. You let him move on and that made me love you more.” The words were slower now and it was evident that the explanation was hurting Orihime. He wanted to tell her that she didn't have to tell him anything else, that it was in the past, but he was still caught.

 

“I only brought my brother pain. He rescued me from our parents and took care of me. Instead of having a chance to study he had to work to support me. I was ungrateful and demanded more and more,” she said and then stopped.

 

Watching her, it was obvious Orihime was remembering that she had fought bitterly with her brother over something unimportant on the day he died. The guilt must tear at her the way guilt gripped him every time he recalled the death of his mother. With, of course, one difference. She was not responsible for the death of her brother. He was to blame for his mother's death, but she was innocent of any action that led to the accident. So why did she blame herself? It had been her brother's choice to remain behind as a ghost to watch over her. He would have turned into a Hollow eventually unless he had surrendered his grip on the world and moved to Soul Society, or if a Shinigami had found him in time and sent him onward.

 

He was the one who bore the true guilt. As he watched Orihime cry, a new thought began to form in his mind. Maybe the creation of his personal Hollow was the punishment for how he had caused his mother to die. Maybe Urahara knew it was his stupid actions that had destroyed her life and this was a form of justice. It was no wonder the man had refused to assist him. The Vizards may have committed similar crimes and that was why they too had Hollows, but their crimes must have been less than his because they had learned how to control their Hollows while he was at constant war with his own. And it was apparent that they'd had years to learn how to control them.

 

He looked, with yearning, toward Orihime, wanting to hold and comfort her, but the words that constrained him were still working. He envied Zangetsu who had moved closer to her, and felt a pang of jealousy at the way his friend was gazing at the man with trust and hope evident on her face, in her eyes.

 

“I was wrong. I thought it I could get Ichigo and his Hollow to like each other that they could integrate,” she said, a flush of shame on her face.

 

Zangetsu nodded slowly but didn't say anything.

 

“That would be easy. It would be the glib answer to a situation, but they hate each other so much that I don't see how I can make them like each other. I'm not even sure they can tolerate each other,” the note of hopeless despair made Orihime's voice rise. She was fighting against loosing the tears that once again filled her eyes.

 

A few breaths later she said, with no trace of hope in her voice, “If I free them and they fight, neither will win.”

 

“Neither can ultimately win. One victory may lead to a later defeat.” The finality in Zangestu's voice made Ichigo's stomach settle firmly around his knees.

 

“Why did he let us fight? What was the point? Why has he insisted we fight?” Ichigo asked himself feeling anger at the spirit of his blade.

 

“You watch them fight. You invite them to fight,” Orihime said, her voice small and sad.

 

“Until now I had hoped that each could learn from the other, learn about the power they share, but there is no point in continuing. Instead of concentrating on what they might discover all they can think about is the hate and the desire to obliterate the other. The person may have split, but instead of constricting, the hate doubled, which indicates the strength of self hatred that was already present,” Zangetsu said. He waited a beat or two and then asked, “What is your solution?”

 

“There can be no solution,” Orihime said with despair. Ichigo flinched at the level of grief in her voice. “They fight and one wins until they die. I can't think of anything else.”

 

“There is always something else,” Zangetsu proclaimed in a dark and heavy voice. “But it requires for you to make a sacrifice.”

 

Ichigo wanted to protest. Orihime had already suffered enough. Why should she have to give up yet another thing for him? He didn't want something that came at a cost to her and the way that Zangetsu had uttered the word `sacrifice' meant that what she was required to forego would not be easy.

 

He watched as Orihime swallowed and nodded. “There's no point in asking, because I would agree to anything to prevent Ichigo any further pain. I'll do whatever it takes, but you already know that.” Her quick glance at Ichigo convinced him that even if he could speak and protest, she wouldn't listen to him.

 

Zangetsu nodded and his hair seemed to fly in front of his face obscuring his mouth for a moment. “You were fated to be part of this. Every step you have taken has led you to this moment and this decision. You could have denied the choice, but eventually it would have been forced upon you.”

 

“Will you tell me what I have to do?” and her voice wavered before she added, “or do I have to work it out?

 

Zangetsu stood silent, his brow furrowed as the wind swirled around him. Now that Ichigo was forced to remain static and only observe, it was strange to see that parts of his clothing, his hair seemed to be snagged by the wind and swept away, but his size never reduced. The black pieces seemed to exist only seconds when detached from him and he wondered where they went. Did they become reabsorbed by the spirit, and was there some sort of bizarre symbolism that would help explain that nature of Zangetsu's existence?

 

“An answer easily gained loses much of its worth,” was Zangetsu's answer.

 

Orihime sighed and nodded. “I hoped…. But I understand. I have to solve this so that my offering, whatever it is, proves worthy.”

 

“The time you have is shrinking fast. As soon as they are free you have lost this opportunity, Miss Inoue. Use your times and abilities well.”

 

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Author's Note:

 

At last, I finished this chapter! Amazing.

 

I hope you enjoyed this chapter.

 

Please review.

 

MS