Bleach Fan Fiction ❯ I have nothing without you (Ichigo x Rukia songfic) ❯ I have nothing without you (Ichigo x Rukia songfic) ( Chapter 1 )

(Orihime)

Slumping into Keigos kitchen chair
I stirred my tea absent minded

''Was he any better today..?''
He asked me
Sounding hopeful

I shook my head sadly

"Same as every other day..''

Keigos face fell
And his hands tightened their grip on his coffee mug

Were I not here
I'm sure he would cry

I wanted to cry too
There was nothing we could do for him
Our friend
The man I love

(Ichigo)

The rain was pounding down hard against my window
The wind howled
But I hardly heard it

Hardly noticed

Am I better off dead?

The bottle of scotch slid from between my knees
and rolled across the floor
Soaking the white carpet

Am I better off a quitter?

Laughing bitterly
I couldn't help think how angry she would be if she could see this
If she could see me

They say I'm better off now
Than I ever was with her

''Rukia..''

I felt a pang of sadness the second her name left my lips

Rukia Kuchiki

The only girl I've ever loved
Probably the only girl I'll everlove

Walking between Chad and Keigo
I was hardly five steps outside
And already regretting the decision to go out

As they take me to my local down the street

Sensing this
Keigo gripped my shoulder
As if t comfort me

''C'mon, Ichigo it's been six months.. you gotta move on''

Forcing a smile
I tried to sound cheerful

''Yeah, you're probably right''

I'm smiling but I'm dying to drag my feet

The bar reeked of sweat and beer
Ignoring it
I plopped down between my two friends
Not bothering to keep up with conversation

They say a few drinks will help me to forget her

''What can I get you, cutie?''
The young waitress gives me a 100 watt smile

She was blonde
tall
big baby blue eyes

Not at all my type

''Just a beer, please''

But after one too many I know that I'll never

If my curt reply offended her
She didn't let it show

Keigo elbowed me in the ribs

''She totally liked you! Take a hint man''

Chad glanced at me
Looking concerned

but unlike or hyper active friend
he said nothing

Shrugging lightly
I sipped my drink

''I didn't notice''

My first lie of the night

Only they can't see where this is gonna end

Not one to give up easy
Keigo tried again

''How about Orihime? She's liked you since high school''

''She isn't really my type''

Keigo looked abashed at my reasoning

''Orihime is beautiful! and innocent''
He looked ready to drool

Chuckling
I suggested he date her

''She doesn't see anyone but you''
He responded

''I can't believe you're not into her''

They all think I'm crazybut to me it's perfect sense
-----
Stumbling back to my apartment
Keigo and Chad were on either side of me
Holding up my weight

I was too drunk to think
So why did my heart still hurt?

And my mates are all there trying to calm me down

Groaning
I started calling for her

For my Rukia

I would get home
And she'd laugh
Even though she wanted to be angry

'Cause I'm shouting your name all over town

And tomorrow
She'd be loud and obnoxious
Because she knows I'm hung over

''Ichigo, keep your voice down people are staring''
Keigo hissed

I hadn't realized all that was coming out of my mouth
Not just in my head

But I didn't care

All that mattered was getting home to her

I'm swearing if I go there now
I can change her mind, turn it all around

Turning on the bedroom light
They dropped me on the bed

The room spun
I couldn't find Rukia

Where is she?

And I know that I'm drunk but I'll say the words

Sitting down next to me
Chad handed me a glass of water

''Drink it, it'll help lessen the hangover tomorrow''

Gulping it down
I leaned back into the pillows
Taking a deep breath

But the scent I yearned for was long gone

And she'll listen this time even though they're slurred

''Come on Keigo, let's leave him alone

Nodding
Keigo sent me one last sad look
Before following Chad out the door

Fumbling at my desk drawer
I pulled out my cell

And dialed her number
I still knew it by heart

So I, dialed her number and confessed to her

''Rukia...?''

I whispered into the receiver

''Rukia, I love you. Please come home''

I begged her
My voice breaking

I'm still in love but all I heard
Was nothing

Gripping the phone
I held it until my knuckles turned white
But still
Her voice never came to me
She never said a word

''DAMMIT''

I threw the phone across the room
Watching it hit the wall
And fly into pieces

I needed to see her
-----
Racing down the sidewalk
The wind whipped my face

And all I could hear was my heart
Thudding in my chest

It was six am
She'd be angry I came so early
That I ran in this rain
She'd be furious

But I needed her

So I stumble there, along the railings and the fences

I had taken everything for granted
Her voice
Her face
Her smell
The way she walked
The way she talked

Every thing that she is
Every thing that we were

I know if we're face to face then she'll come to her senses

I could still remember High School
She'd seemed like nothing special
Just a weird transfer student

Just another girl

Every drunk step I take leads me to her door

But she wasn't just another girl
I'd met her
hated her
liked her
loved her

She turned my life upside down
And I couldn't live without her now

If she sees how much I'm hurting, she'll take me back for sure

I'd gone from running
To walking
Trying to find my way in the pouring rain
Seemed impossible

''I-Ichigo?"

Turning my head to the sudden voice
I saw Orihime
Rain Jacket and all

''Orihime..''

''I-I saw you, run passed my house..''

She mumbled
looking worried

And my mates are all there trying to calm me down

''I'm going to see Rukia''
I told her
Ignoring the look of hurt on her face

''Ichigo.. you know you shouldn't..''

''I need to see her, Orihime!''

'Cause I'm shouting your name all over town

I felt bad when she flinched
But only a little
Not much mattered to me in this drunken state

''I can fix this, I can get her back''

Her look turned to sadness
Then to pity

I'm swearing if I go there now
I can change her mind, turn it all around

''You can't let go of her can you..''
It wasn't a question
Orihime already knew my answer

''I love her''

''I know you do..''

And I know that I'm drunk but I'll say the words

Taking a deep breath
She walked to my side

''Let me show you the way, you'll get lost on you own''

''Thanks''

Smiling softly
She took my hand
leading me forward

And she'll listen this time even though they're slurred

As the sun started to rise
The fog began to clear
Both in front of us
And in my mind

My thoughts were becoming less hazy
And reality was setting in

So I, dialed her number and confessed to her

''..I called her, last night''

''You knew she wouldn't answer didn't you?''

The question made my stomach turn

''I think somewhere I did, deep down''

I'm still in love but all I heard
Was nothing

I could hardly remember the first month after she'd left
My friends watched horrified
As I drowned my sorrows in alcohol

I became a different person

And my mates are all there trying to calm me down

Keigo had tried an intervention
I can dimly recall him waving a flashlight in my eyes
Almost unable to take it seriously

'Cause I'm shouting your name all over town

Orihime had been the most worried
Coming over ever day to clean my apartment
And made sure I ate fresh meals

But it was clear to everyone else what she was hoping for
Even me

I'm swearing if I go there now
I can change her mind, turn it all around

I had no interest in the orange haired girl
My thoughts stayed glued to a certain pale beauty with raven hair

And there was room for now one else

And I know that I'm drunk but I'll say the words

Keigo suggested I try dating
Usually bringing up Orihime
Or women at local bars
But none of them even caught my eye

None of them were anything to compare to her

And she'll listen this time even though they're slurred

I'd called her number
Over an over
But alas
It had gotten me no where

So I, dialed her number and confessed to her

It had been months before I left the house
And that was for work
Or to get more alcohol
I was a wreck

Hell
I still am

I'm still in love but all I heard
Was nothing

We were walking on grass now
Cutting through people's yards
To reach our destination

Oh, I wanted words but all I heard was nothing

Without the haze effecting my mind
I knew where I was heading

But even so
The sight was almost impossible to take in

The cold wet gravestone
Had to be lying

Ohh, sometimes love's intoxicating

Dropping to my knees
I let my fingers slide over the words

Rukia Kuchiki

The memories alcohol had helped me suppress
Came flooding back
The car crash
The hospital

And most of all
Losing Rukia

I could remember trying to reach for her
From the front seat of the car
I remember her being cold
Lifeless

Dead on impact
They had said

Ohh, you're coming down, your hands are shaking

My friends had tried to console me
By saying I was still young
There were other girls
How they'd never understood how we could be together
When we fought so much

When you realize there's no one waiting

But I loved Rukia

In a way they were never able to understand
She'd meant the world to me

Orihimes hand on my shoulder brought me out of my thoughts
She looked pained too
Rukia had been her friend

Even though we had both known how Orihime felt about me
She had taken it with grace

Am I better off dead?

But..
Even with Orihime by my side
Still being there for me
Still loving me

I was empty

No one could replace Rukia

Am I better off a quitter?

Moving Orihimes hand from my shoulder
I stared into her eyes
And I realized she knew it too
That I would never feel that way for her
That I may never feel that way for anyone again

They say I'm better off now
Than I ever was with her
-----
So
Here I am
Sitting on the floor
surrounded by spilled Scotch

Unable to move on
Unable to forget
Heart at a standstill with my head

Alone

And wishing more than anything
That I could go back

I have nothing