Bleach Fan Fiction ❯ It'll Never Work ❯ It'll Never Work ( Chapter 1 )

With a soft rustle, the body under the blanket moved slightly. The sun settling on the futon shimmered as the dust in the air settled. There was a yawn and a soft mewling noise as two arms appeared from beneath the blanket, stretching over head. Coming back down again, they pushed down the blanket. Yoruichi opened her luminous eyes and blinked against the sunlight. She basked in the morning light, curling up into the blankets and closing her eyes again. So peaceful....
“YORUICHI!” A pitiful, stuffed up voice sounded from the other room, making her groan. “I'm -dying-..” The voice whined. With a growl of annoyance, she rolled from the futon and walked into the next room. Urahara lay on his bed, a sea of used tissues strewn about him. He turned to face her when she came in. “It's about ti-” Then gawked at the woman. He immediately threw a pillow over his eyes. “Put some clothes on, woman! I'm sick! I can't stand the sight of you like that!”
She rolled her eyes and glanced around, grabbing the closest article of clothing, his green overcoat hanging over a chair. She slid it on and pulled the front close around her. “I'm sorry the sight of me sickens you.”
He peeked one eye out from behind the pillow. “Oh, it isn't that. I just can't do anything about it when I'm like this.” Although she couldn't see it, she could tell he was grinning, seeing one eyebrow waggling at her. “And with you wearing that, I could just-” He was immediately silenced by her glare as she walked around to begin collecting his tissues.
“You're pathetic. All you have is a little cold. You act like you're dying, making the four of us wait on you hand and foot, closing down the shop. Disgraceful.” She shook her head, purple hair falling about her face as she leaned over.
“Oooooooo....” She heard from behind her. Immediately, her head snapped to the side. Despite being sick, he managed to look away before she caught him, whistling innocently. She finished picking up the tissues and left him a new box.
Quietly, she left the room, her keen hearing picking up his soft whimpering at her departure. She rolled her eyes and headed to the kitchen. This early, the three other employees would be sleeping with the shop being closed as it was. She disposed of the tissues and put on a kettle of water for tea. A glass of milk for herself on the tray with his tea and she walked back to his room.
She shouldn't be doing this, she told herself. Pampering him the way she was. It wouldn't help things. He would grow used to it, expect it even. Oh well, he already did. She set the tray down , nursing the milk as she sat cross-legged beside his bed. He weakly reached for the teacup, his hand shaking.
“Oh stop that.” She murmured, eyes downcast, watching the milk swirl in the cup. He rolled his eyes and the hand steadied, taking up the tea. He sat up himself, looking at her from the corner of his eye. He was an odd sight without his usual get up. His clear eyes unhidden by his hat, hair pushed aside without it. He looked much nicer when his hair wasn't in his eyes, hiding them away. Bare chested, one could see that he still kept up his body. Toned and hard, he was a man that wasn't to be messed with. Unless you were Yoruichi.
“You're amazingly quiet this morning. You must really be sick if you can't think of your usually annoying comments.” She murmured, taking another small sip of milk, savoring each drop. The cat in her was hard to shake even when in human form.
“Thank you for recognizing.” He said, raising his nose slightly. He took a sip of the tea. “Ginseng? Ginseng?!”
“I do believe that is what the box said.”
“I hate ginseng!” He whined.
“Then why did you buy it?” It was like reasoning with a two year old. You just had to stump them.
He opened his mouth, then closed it again and was quiet for a few moments. “I don't know.”
“Then this will teach you to not buy it again. Drink it. It will help your stuffy nose.” As if on cue, he sniffled. She rolled her eyes. She was sure he was sick, but not nearly as much as he was playing the illness up to be. “Do you think you'll open the shop tomorrow?”
“Maybe...if I'm feeling better.” He enjoyed being waited on.
“You'll be feeling better.” She assured him, setting down her empty glass.
“I will?” He asked, cocking his head to the side.
“You will. No one will wait on you tomorrow. You'll get better.” She continued.
He pouted, giving her puppy dog eyes. “You would leave me alone and helpless?”
“Your hair is clean and your sheets don't smell dirty when you move. That must mean you bathed. Since you didn't ask anyone for help yesterday, I can only assume that you took one last night before going to bed. You can't be that sick.”
He sighed and waved a hand. “You caught me.”
“Of course I did.” She picked up the tea cup and glass, placed them carefully back on the tray and stood. She was at the door before she heard the voice behind her.
“It's the only way I get to spend real time with you. You're always flitting off to help some cause, or out hunting mice. Is it really so bad to just sit and talk with me?”
Yoruichi paused at the door. She stood there silently for a few moments. “If I thought it was such a horrible situation...would I have come when you called this morning? Or the morning before?” She pointed out, continuing on her way to the kitchen.
Urahara laid back with a 'hmph.' Women. So hard to understand. He was sick. Wasn't it supposed to be in their instincts to nurture and heal? Maybe there was something wrong with the lovely Yoruichi?

Maybe there was something wrong with the man? Why would he think such a thing? They had been friends for...centuries. She lived with the man. Yoruichi could only come to one conclusion. He must be stupid.
She returned a short time later, sitting down beside him again. She folded up the damp cloth in her hands and leaned over to place it over his forehead. Urahara jumped and his eyes fluttered open.
“I didn't hear you come back in.” He admitted.
“Of course not. Did you forget who I was?”
“Nope. How could I?” He grinned.
“And with that...I'm going to go change.” She swiftly rose from her sitting position and stepped back outside. Not a minute later, a black cat sauntered into his room. She sat down on her haunches beside him once more.
“Aww..” He pouted.
“What's wrong with you now?” She asked, her voice now masculine.
“It's disappointing is all. You look so stunning in my haori.”
Yoruichi laid down, resting her head on her paws. “Mm, I bet I am. I'll tell you what...when you get better, I'll put it back on.” If it would get him to stop acting so sick faster...
He scratched behind her left ear. “Deal.”

“Yoruichi-Chan!!” She could hear his voice from the other end of the shop. She was basking out on the front step, warming herself in the sun. Her body took the shape of a horseshoe, exposing as much of her side to the sun as she could. The tip of her tail flicked every so often.
“Ah, there you are!” Urahara swept his arms wide and bent down to sweep her into them, snuggling her close to his chest and nuzzling the top of her head with his cheek. “I'm all better! Thanks to your constant care and motherly warmth.”
She struggled in his arms, claws digging into his chest for some sort of leverage.
“Ow, ow, ow!” He set her down and rubbed at his chest. “That wasn't nice. I'm still recovering. You should be nicer to me.” He chastised. “Besides, you made a certain promise....” He grinned, slipping off the green haori he usually wore.
“I was hoping you were so delusional with fever that you would forget that.” She grumbled, licking at her paw demurely.
“Of course not! I have the memory of an elephant.” With the garment hanging from one finger, he waggled it slightly. “A promise is a promise!”
She grumbled. “Fine, toss it inside. And don't peek.”
He did so and slid closed the door to the shop after her. He heard a rustling and the door slid back open again. He looked her over, the haori wrapped around her body tightly. Her hair was down, falling down her back. Waggling his brows, he leaned against the door frame and met her eyes.
“Hey sexy. How about a kiss?” He puckered his lips and smooched.
“You're a pervert.”
“So?” He asked, blinking at her.
“Respectable women don't go around kissing perverted old men.”
“Respectable women don't make deals that end in them showing off their bodies in said perverted old men's clothes either.”
She rolled her eyes and gave him a small peck. “We're out of milk.” She said, turning abruptly and walking away.
“Who's fault is that?!” He called after her pointedly, completely unsatisfied with the kiss.
She stopped and looked over her shoulder at him. “Mine. But, the fact still remains that we are out of milk.” With that, she dropped the haori from her shoulders and disappeared down the hall.
“Tease!” He yelled. Then, giving a soft yip of surprise, spun around quickly to confront whoever it was that had tapped him on the shoulder. He brought a hand to his chest and flipped open his fan to air himself.
“My dear Onishi Taichou. You almost gave me a heart attack. I'm recovering from a sickness you know.”
“Sorry.” Katsumi said with a grin that suggested she wasn't completely sorry. “Got a bit of time?” She asked, raising a slim brow. “There's something I would like to discuss with you.”
He looked over her shoulder on one side, then the other. “Where is your ailing husband?”
“Ailing more than usual today.” She smiled.
“Alright I hope.”
“Oh yes, just the usual.” She assured him.
“Mm...well in that case, I suppose I could help. I have nothing better to do. Come in. Have some tea.” He offered, leading her inside and to one of the back rooms.
Sitting down across from her at the low table, he poured her a cup and passed it over. “What can I do for you?”
“There's an assassin hunting Shinigami and we're having a hard time finding him. He's using a technique we've never seen before. Well, a technique 'they' haven't seen before. I'm quite familiar with it.” She began. “It began with a routine Hollow hunt. While the Shinigami were distracted by the Hollow, a few of them simply died. Died of sword wounds. They hadn't even been touched by the Hollow. At first, they assumed it was a hidden talent of that particular Hollow. However, when it happened again, on two more occasions, unrelated in squad, Hollow characteristics or location, we realized that it wasn't actually a Hollow attacking. I haven't mentioned it, but I believe that this assassin is using something close to the effect my Bankai has on me. Using a split realm to attack us.”
Turning serious as he had a way of doing when business popped up, Urahara thought for a few moments. His finger tapped his chin idly, eyes downcast, watching the steam rise from his cup of tea. “Is this happening here alone?”
She shook her head gravely. “There was a report of a similar attack in Seireitei. Just one however, it was some time ago, so it was dismissed as being unrelated.”
“I will look into it. Perhaps I will shadow a few patrols, see if I can run into one of these assassins myself. Until then, have you tried using your Bankai to see if they reside in the same dimension?” He asked curiously. He doubted it, knowing how reluctant she was to resort to such an extreme measure. He couldn't blame her.
“No. Not yet.” She said simply, rising from the table. “I will keep in contact. Please, let me know as soon as you find something.”
Standing as well, he walked her to the door. “Please, be careful and thank you for the information. This should prove to be very interesting.” He watched the Captain leave, glancing over his shoulder to see his feline companion saunter into the main room of the shop and sit down beside him.
“Are we going hunting tonight?” She asked, looking up at him with bright yellow eyes.
“Indeed we are.”

“You're awfully grouchy.” Urahara complained, closing the main door to the shop and securing it for the night.
“Well gee, I wonder why? Could it possibly be because you dragged me out hunting for five hours in the middle of the night and we didn't find so much as a grasshopper?” Yoruichi retorted hotly, hands on her hips.
“That's not my fault!” He defended, pouting as he crossed his arms over his chest. His clogs clacked on the reed floor softly as he walked over. “You just need to relax. Glass of warm milk, hot bath, maybe one of my world famous back massages?” He asked, waggling his brows at her.
“Go stuff it up your nose.” She bit, turning sharply and striding down the hall, disappearing into the bathroom where she slid the door closed with a loud and final clap.
Urahara just blinked. What had he done? Was she really that angry with him? Most importantly, why?
Setting aside his things, he padded silently to the bathroom with a silk robe. His usual dress for the evening. He slid open the door and stepped in. It was already steaming, the air humid and warm. He could see her lounging in the tub, her back to him, hair cascading over the side. Walking to the side of the tub, he knelt down and looked at her.
Undemanding and serious, he set aside all the jokes. He just looked at her. Finally, she opened her eyes to met his gaze. They stared at each other for a while before Urahara reached up to pluck a lock of hair from her face, gently placing it behind her ear.
He sat back and hooked his arms around his legs, clasping his wrist. “What's bothering you?”
She sighed. “Something that should be bothering you. Don't you find it odd that two, captain-class, former Shinigami can go hunting, looking specifically for Hollow for five hours and not find so much as a trace?”
“It's been known to happen before.” He said with a dismissive shrug.
Another sigh and she shook her head. “I just think it's too much of a coincidence.”
“Try not to worry about it. We'll figure it out. One night of bad luck doesn't warrant such a mood. You give up to easily my beautiful, if not sometimes furry, friend.” He gave her an encouraging smile and pushed himself up off the floor to head to bed.
He felt a gentle grip at his wrist and glanced down to see. Yoruichi's long, poised fingers wrapped around it. His eyes traveled to her then. She had her head tilted back, looking up at him with her big yellow eyes.
“You promised me a back rub.”
“I did no such thing. I offered.” He immediately countered.
“Well I want one.” She countered in return. “Stop acting like it would be a burden. I know you'd like it more than I would. A chance to put those perverted, meaty paws on my delicate, flawless skin.”
“Oh, very well. If you're going to resort to insults, I had better give in now while I'm..well...I suppose I'm behind, aren't I?” He grinned and sauntered off. “Let me know when you're ready.”
She nodded and slid down to her chin in the water. The warmth soothed her muscles, relaxed her nerves. Yet, the idea of an even more relaxing massage eventually brought her out. She dried off and wrapped herself in a towel, warmed by the thick air in the room. Heading to Urahara's private room, she paused at the door.
The shopkeeper lay on his back, one arm thrown to the side, the other over his head. Both legs were spread wide to take up the whole bed and he was snoring at a level so ungodly, she wondered how anyone else slept in the same building with him. With a shake of her head, she pulled a blanket over him, a contented groan given to her in response and slid the door closed. Collapsing onto her own bed, she was asleep almost immediately. No more thoughts of the disturbing problem they faced, just sweet peace.

Sadly, her morning would not be so peaceful. The groggy moments upon first waking were a bit fuzzy. Very quickly though, things came into focus. There were arms around her. Big ones. And was that...blond hair on her shoulder? The unmistakable snoring completed it. Urahara was in her bed!
With an outraged gasp, she flipped over and pushed hard against his chest. Caught completely off guard, she saw his eyes fly open as he was pushed back and onto the floor, out of sight. That should have been the first clue.
“You know,” She heard from over the side of the western style bed. “It isn't polite to push a man out of his own bed.”
Yoruichi blinked and glanced around the room. It certainly wasn't hers. She slid over to the side of the bed and peeked over, her hair falling over the side. He lay on his back, looking up at her. His eyes were clear, having been awoken so abruptly.
“What am I doing in your bed? I went to sleep in my own.” She asked him. He sat up and rubbed the back of his head, looking over at her.
“How should I know? I just woke up myself. Or had you forgotten? I would very much like to know the answer to that question though.” He paused a moment. “But, I could do without if it means this will be a recurring thing.
“Pervert.” She sighed, pulling a blanket around herself and sitting up.
“Tease.” He returned, standing and yanking at the blankets so that he could crawl back under them. She was unyielding however.
“Oh, come on...share or get out.”
She threw herself back down onto the mattress and turned her back to him, curling the linens tight around herself. She looked over her shoulder. “No, go find your own bed.”
“This is my bed!”
“That's what you get for backing out of my massage.” She said haughtily, snuggling into his pillows.
“I fell asleep. I'm sorry. Would you like one now?” He offered, wanting nothing more than to get a few hours more sleep.
“No, what I want-” Her demand was cut off by the unmistakable cry of a Hollow. It was some distance away, but she picked it up clearly.
“You've got to be joking!” He threw up his hands. “I swear, they have no respect for people's sleep schedules.” He grumbled, turning away from her to begin changing. She sighed and sat up.
“Oh quit complaining and go back to bed. I'll take care of this one.” She said, slipping out from beneath the covers and heading to her own room to dress.
There was a long pause, then; “Like I can sleep now, sheesh. Don't you wear anything to bed?” Urahara grumbled to himself, falling back into bed. “Damn woman, no wonder I'm a pervert, who wouldn't be with the most immodest, sexiest woman living with them.” She could hear him continue to complain even as she left the house.

Yoruichi came back defeated. With a sigh, she walked into the room and fell onto a soft cushion, leaning against the table, propping herself up on her arms. Urahara paused, a tea cup hovering half way to his lips. He set it down and raised a brow, looking at her from under the rim of his hat.
“You were gone quite a while, my dear. Did something go wrong?”
She shook her head. “No. It was just a usual, low class Hollow. I patrolled a little, but couldn't find anything out of the ordinary. Nothing of what Onishi spoke of.” She sighed and let her elbows slip so that she was laying with her top half against the table.
“It's been two days.” He pointed out. “Not even. Not everything unfolds quickly, dear heart.” At her second sigh, he let go of one himself. Moving around to her side of the table, he sat cross legged behind her. “Just...relax, will ya?”
His hands moved to her shoulders and began to massage gently. Deft fingers worked out the knots there and at the base of her neck and began to move lower. By the time he reached the small of her back, daring to go no further for fear of incurring her wrath.
Though, when he began to stand and head back to his own seat, he realized he had nothing to worry about. She was asleep against the table, her head rested on one arm. He had no idea why she was so worked up about this, but she certainly was. Maneuvering her gently, he swept her up into his arms. As cats often did to find the most comfortable position, she shifted against his chest, burrowing into him, her head rested against the crook of his neck and shoulder. He slipped off the clogs to avoid waking her and padded to her room. He knelt down beside her futon and laid her partially down, pulling back the blankets and letting her rest completely. Her arm was still around him and as he tried to pull away, she whimpered softly and tightened.
Urahara blinked and looked down. Nope..still sleeping. With a shake of his head, he pulled off his hat. He didn't lay down with her, rather sat at the side of her futon. He gently unslipped her arm from around his back and encased her hand in his own. She continued to sleep, content to have him there.
As he sat, watching over her slumber, he began to wonder at their situation. He didn't know why she was so hung up on figuring this out, but if it meant her unhappiness, especially to such a severe degree, he would have to put more effort into solving the problem. This simply wouldn't do. He couldn't stand his precious Yoruichi so distressed. With a sigh, he gave her hand a gentle pat.
“Sleep well, dear heart.”