Bleach Fan Fiction ❯ Promoting Vice Captain Relationships ❯ Awkward Flashback ( Chapter 2 )

First Kiss That Matters
Chapter 2
By Trynia Merin
Disclaimer: I do not own Bleach, which belongs to Tite Kubo, Shonen Jump, and Viz. I make no money writing this fan fiction.
A/N: Thanks to Snowzapped for ideas and input on this fan fiction. Especially with the renrukinness.

Practiced motions tore at her heart. She could remember the clumsy hand squeezing the back of her neck a bit too hard. The slam of Ichigo’s body against hers while her backside collided with the hard edge of his desk. Despite the fact she tried to hide that downcast look he had risen from his chair and stumbled over to where she leaned. Clumsily his lips collided with hers, sweet and hot. The edge of his teeth raked her lips, tugging at them while he leaned heavily on her.
All too soon, he stumbled back and she opened her eyes to see the panic in his dark brown ones. Not too sure of what he was doing but hiding it behind that veneer of teenage invincibility. Unaware that he had taken her first kiss and assuming she had done the same.
“Sorry,” he muttered, stepping back. Shoving his hands into his pockets, he turned away. “I shouldn’t have done that. Damn it. I just… hell… you…”
“I didn’t stop you,” Rukia answered, not facing him. Instead, she curled her arms around her upper body and inhaled deeply. The pounding in her heart would not stop, though she wondered if there would be bruises from it colliding with her hard breastbone as it leapt.
Damn that physical body with myriad sensations. Not too different from those she felt in her physical body. “I’m not supposed to feel these things.”
“What the hell’s that?” Ichigo mumbled, shoving his hands so far into his pockets the seams tugged.
“A soul reaper can’t feel human emotions.”
“What a bunch of bullshit that is!” Ichigo snapped. “I mean I hate talking about feelings but shit you’re a girl! You’re supposed to talk about them!”
“Excuse the hell me? What kind of sexist macho crap is that?” Rukia yelled back, now facing him with her hands clenched on her small hips. Ichigo’s face was flushed strawberry red, two shades pinker then she imagined and his eyes narrowed to small slits.
“Oh fuck it! Why would you care anyway? Forget I said anything. I’m sorry I kissed you damn it! However, you were pissing and moaning so much… aww fuck… I’m a dumbass!”
“Was… was that your first?” Rukia asked, touching her lips. Ichigo did not answer. Instead, he sauntered away and flopped down on his bed. Turning on his side, he faced away from her and towards the window.
“Yeah. Lucky me,” Ichigo answered. “And I kissed someone who doesn’t even give a shit whether it is or not because you said those things aren’t a big deal.”
“It is a big deal. I understand,” Rukia murmured.
“Bet you’ve kissed other guys before. Since you’re ten lifetimes older…”
“Excuse me I’m NOT ancient, you jerk!” Rukia yelled back. “And for your information…”
“What?” Ichigo asked, face shadowed by his bangs. She marched over and plopped down next to him on the bed, causing the mattress to vibrate a bit.
“Never mind. Look, I am… I’m honored,” Rukia trailed off, still crossing her arms over her chest and hugging herself.
Ichigo only grunted, turning over and laying on his back. Seeing Rukia sitting on his bed he suddenly backed away and swung around so he kept both feet on the floor. “Hey… wait a minute…”
“I guess having a girl sit on your bed’s daring for you?” Rukia rolled her eyes at him. “Considering you just kissed me I’m surprised it still matters.”
“I… um… shit… whatever, fine,” Ichigo grumbled, pressing both his knees together and pressing his socked feet to the floor. “Just that I should keep both feet on the damn floor… I mean my freaking dad if he were to…”
“You can tell him you kissed a girl Ichigo,” Rukia said with a fond smile. “At least maybe he’ll shut up.”
“No fucking way! He will want to take pictures and kiss you himself! UGH!” Ichigo pulled a face at her.
“Yeah,” she laughed. Awkward silence predominated; Ichigo allowing Rukia on his bed while he rose and wandered over to flop down on his desk chair. Grabbing his earphones he shoved one into his ear, turning away from her.
“Rukia,” he mumbled.
“Yes Ichigo?” she asked, still staring at her toes hanging off the edge of the bed.
“I’m sorry. Didn’t know what the hell possessed me. If that was your first kiss… I…”
“And what makes you think I have the same stupid customs you do in Soul Society?” Rukia argued back. “Spare me.”
“Oh excuse me that I take something FAR more seriously then you high and mighty people over there do! A first kiss is a BIG fucking deal! You yourself said so!”
“Ichigo, shut up. I didn’t say I didn’t want the kiss damn it, but I don’t want you hating me the rest of your damn life for something you think you should have given someone else,” Rukia swallowed hard.
“I don’t,” Ichigo answered. “That’s the thing. Knowing you, you wouldn’t care… and I… I don’t want everyone in the damn school to know… just yet.”
“I can’t promise you I’ll be here for them to remember me,” Rukia almost did not say.
“What’s that?”
“I don’t belong here Ichigo. Remember I’m only here till I get my powers back?” Rukia said softly.
“So you’re going to use that memory eraser thing on me when you go back to Soul Society?” Ichigo asked, swinging his char around. He plucked the headphones out of his ears. “Make me forget everything that you…”
“I don’t know Ichigo,” Rukia sighed. “But I won’t forget it. However, I also cannot help but think you wouldn’t want anyone else to know. Because you’re presuming much…”
“What are you talking about now?” Ichigo asked.
“You’re assuming that a kiss ties a young man and woman together. That it means that there’s a 'you and I' that aren’t just friends. That’s what that custom means. But there can’t be anything more than that…” Rukia answered her dark eyes open and vulnerable.
“Rukia, I didn’t think about that. I just… shit I wanted you to feel better. Like someone gave a damn. I haven’t… oh shit I can’t put it into words. I mean girls were girls but you… fuck it, I hate feelings,” Ichigo grumbled as he dragged his chair over and pulled it so they were face to face.
Rukia reached over and rested her hand on his cheek. So far, she fought back any tears that glimmered in her eyes, and simply caressed his young smooth skin. “You’re so young and so naïve Ichigo. “
“Thanks a heap,” Ichigo frowned. Yet he did not flinch. Instead, he grasped her cheek too, and she felt the press of his forehead to hers.
“Ichigo there are so many things you don’t know about me. It’s complicated... I just… can't get involved with anyone in the living world.”
“You’ve only told me what I needed to know. I get it. Don’t haveta say it if you don’t want to. I just wanted you to know whatever happens I’ll be there, like you are for me,” Ichigo said, swallowing hard.
“I can’t make the same promise,” she trailed off, her heart aching with grief. “Look, enough about this mushy stuff. You kissed me and I’m fine with that. However, we cannot let anything else happen. I can’t… be anything more than…”
“Just friends huh? I get it. No problem,” Ichigo answered, exhaling deeply.
“I’m sorry,” Rukia answered.
“No it’s cool. At least you told me,” Ichigo answered with a small sad smile. “Hey, I still mean what I said no matter what we are.”
“I appreciate it Ichigo, more than you know,” Rukia answered. Instead of a kiss, she was relieved when he simply grabbed her in a fierce hug. Rukia twined her arms around his neck and returned it, pressing her body to his, while feeling him shaking. She buried her head in his shoulder, not wanting to look him in the eyes. He held her fast, his body steady and solid while she pretended Soul Society didn’t exist.
“Are ya all right Rukia? I didn’t do something you weren’t ready for did I?” Renji’s voice jarred her out of the memories. Rukia shivered, blinking against a hard surface she knew very well.
“No… it’s fine,” she answered, wondering how long she had sat there on his lap, cradled in his arms as she rested her head on his shoulder.
“Ya had me worried. Ya went awful quiet.”
“You saying I talk too much?” she murmured, kissing his robe-covered shoulder.
“Walked right into that one,” he answered his laughter a familiar sound.
Rukia laughed with him for a time, relaxing in his embrace. Her breath hitched when she felt pressure on her backside from his strong large fingers. In retaliation, she slid her hand into the collar of his robe and massaged the base of his neck firmly. At the same time, she shifted in his lap, rocking down with an exaggerated motion that incited a moan.
“Nice,” he gasped. “Better than I ever imagined.”
“What’s that?”
“Here with you. Way better than any dream,” he whispered, nipping lightly on her sensitive ear.
“Same here,” she answered, feeling no guilt or shame in someone sharing themselves this way. Someone had opened up the frozen feelings, giving her the ability to accept what Renji so freely offered. The motion of warm lips and a low arousing hum. Again his tongue traced along her lips, coaxing them apart as his hands massaged her shoulders with soothing strokes. Hard muscular thighs shifted between her legs, rubbing in a delicious manner that made Rukia shiver.
“Something wrong?” he asked, pressing kisses to her forehead.
“Yes and no,” she answered.
“Want to talk about it? Or not?” he asked.
“I’m not sure,” she confessed, her voice sounding vulnerable.
“Something IS wrong,” he said with concern, his grip on her tightening.
“How big a deal, is a first kiss?” she breathed. Renji’s grip on her relaxed, his hands retreating to lightly rest on her waist.
“What brought that on?” Renji laughed. “Why? Ya worried that this isn’t special to me. Because it means everything.”
“Yes… that’s it. I mean… it’s one thing for a guy to brag about how many girls he’s kissed, but if a woman were to boast the same fact or figure, the man usually assumes she’s a harlot,” Rukia answered.
“Are ya worried because yer thinking this isn’t my first kiss?” Renji asked, stroking her back.
“Uh huh,” Rukia answered.
“It’s my first kiss that really matters,” Renji answered.
“Is that so? It doesn’t matter to me who you’ve kissed before Renji,” Rukia said quickly, swallowing the lump in her throat.
“Man that lets me off the hook then. You had me worried for a minute there Rukia that I was going to say something wrong,” he breathed a sigh of relief.
“You mean putting your foot in your big fat mouth like you normally do.” Rukia used humor to try to push away the feelings that plagued her.
“You didn’t seem to mind my mouth a few minutes ago, Shorty.”
“Says you, pineapple head,” Rukia teased back.
“Aww and I thought I’d set the mood right. Jeez Rukia, you always start callin’ people names when things get serious. Something bugging ya?”
“Yes… I just… well… Renji… you, this, all for a perfect mood. Just to get a kiss with me… it‘s so romantic I’m wondering where the Renji I know was taken away and who you are.”
“You don’t haveta worry. I wouldn’t have known it was yer first,” he answered.
“My first…”
“First kiss Rukia. And one to remember,” he said with pride.
Oh no, Rukia groaned inwardly, realizing he seemed quite happy with how things were going. Self confident and glowing with the fact he’d accomplished some victory. What could she say? Renji had provided a way out that could make her feel far easier with the fact this wasn’t her first kiss. How easy it would be to say nothing. That it was not a big deal she had kissed Ichigo first, because this was her first one that MATTERED with Renji, the man she loved.
It is not that simple. It never is, Rukia, and you know it. Damn emotions. They just continue to get in the way.
“I…well… I asked you because this wasn’t my first kiss,” Rukia confessed, biting her lip. She could just feel the muscles in Renji’s jaw tightening along with the pissed off frown covering his face. Yes, he was jealous.
“So who was it?” He answered.
Rukia scrambled off his lap, and slumped onto her knees frustrated. “I just knew you’d get pissed off! You are such a typical MAN about it! You’re asking because you want to go beat the daylights out of him!”
Rukia saw Renji blushing fiercely as he yelled, “But it’s different with us guys!”
Slapping her hands on her thighs she countered, “Bullshit it is! Such a double standard! Don’t give me that!”
“Was it Ichigo? Is that why you didn’t wanna tell me at first?”
Anger replaced the guilt that squirmed in Rukia‘s gut now. She felt her temperature boiling as hot as Renji‘s red hair. That moment her muscles in her forearms twitched with the effort to keep from punching him. “Yes it was! In addition, I didn’t mean for it to happen, it just did! How the hell was I supposed to know?”
“Damn kid, I just fucking KNEW it,” Renji growled. “Stupid punk… I aughta…”
“Oh don’t even start with that, Renji! It didn’t matter! And besides, you took forty years to get up the nerve to kiss me!” snapped Rukia as she poked her finger into his chest sharply.
“I was waiting for the right time!”
Rukia folded her arms across her chest and snorted, “I’d have to wait forever then?”
“How the hell could I kiss you with your overprotective brother from HELL as my commanding captain, and you almost putting my ass through a wall when I’ve tried putting moves on you before huh?”
Renji slammed his hand down on the table, rattling the china. Unimpressed Rukia straightened up on her knees and shoved her face right into his. “Well you were the one who kept away from me, so how did I even know you were interested?”
Violently Renji combed one hand through his hair, almost pulling it out of his ponytail in frustration. “Because Kira told me to, that’s why! He said it’d be less of a hassle! I DID see you now and again! But you were always being watched! I had to prove to captain Kuchiki all this time that I was worthy of you! Doesn’t that count for something?”
“You’re just pissed that Ichigo beat you to it!” Rukia glared at him, grabbing the front of his gaudy kimono, and tugging it in her frustration.
“You’re damn RIGHT I’m pissed,” he answered voice dropping in volume, face inches from hers. “And it hurts, Rukia. It really hurts.”
“Don’t you think I knew you’d get like this? How hard it was not to tell you? You’re always blowing your top at the least provocation!”
“Well this is a HELL of a time to find out, Rukia!”
Rukia twisted the cloth between her fingers as she turned her face away, unable to look him in the face. “I just wanted to be honest, Renji. I hate hiding things from you.”
Releasing the cloth, she backed away from him, and then turned around. She bit her wrist so hard she tasted blood in her effort to stop from sobbing. Damn it she hated crying. She was too proud to let him see she was crying as she started to plunk the tea ceremony items back onto the lacquer tray. She heard nothing but silence behind her, convinced that Renji was either ignoring her or stewing.
“Aww now come on, don’t get all upset… can you blame me for being jealous?” Renji sighed as he reached over and took hold of her shoulders. Rukia felt him rubbing them soothingly, feeling tears burning in her eyes.
“You are such a jerk Renji,” Rukia murmured, burying her face in his chest. Leaning back, Renji shifted and sat down so he could pull Rukia between his legs and hug her more comfortingly.
“Hey don’t cry now… I didn’t mean to…”
“And I’m not crying.”
“Of course you’re not. Can’t have a Kuchiki clan member crying.”
“Shut up, you clueless hardheaded dumbass,” she said, voice muffled in his kimono.
“Aw would at least look at me?” he urged, kissing the top of her head. “I’m sorry I lost it Rukia. I was jealous of the kid, but I’m not gonna hurt him over it. It is kinda my fault I took so damn long to get around to this.”
“Just think how Ichigo must feel. Now he has to worry about whether to tell Orihime or not about me, you clod,” Rukia answered, still not looking up at him. Fiercely she gripped the front of his robe again, turning her head to the side. A hard bony chin rested on the top of her head, while she felt his strong powerful arms bind her to his body.
“I didn’t think of that. Besides, serve him right. I’m sure you had no idea he was gonna pull a stunt like that and it sounds like he caught ya off guard,” Renji murmured.
“He did, actually. I was too shocked to do anything.”
“In that gigai stealing your powers I shouldn’t blame you…”
“I would have put him through a wall, but I didn’t want his idiot father finding me there in his room,” Rukia half joked, but the laugh from Renji told him he was taking it seriously. “But I’d rather it never happened.”
“Sounds fine to me. An knowing Inoue, best she not know about it either, considerin’ she’s a woman and I figure…”
“And don’t give me that line of shit about it being different because Ichigo’s a boy, Renji. It will be a great cause of disagreement because he is so sentimental about these things. I know he’ll feel as guilty as I do about it.”
“I’m tired of hearing about the kids and their problems. I’d much rather talk more about forgetting it happened,” Renji murmured. “I won’t tell if you don’t, an likewise. Just knowing he’s carryin’ that’s good enough fer me to stop bein’ pissed at him for long.”
Rukia tipped her head back, and seized his cheeks. Before Renji could say anything else she silenced him with her mouth angling overtop his. The resulting mumble in her throat combined with the satisfaction of a low hum of pleasure he gave her when she rubbed his sideburns. Here Rukia felt his long fingers wrap around her hips, accompanied by the sensation of her body lifting. She again felt herself being lowered to straddle his hard thighs again when he brought his knees together. Finally, she found a good way to shut him up before he made a fool of himself. Fingers found the combs in her hair and she felt the sensation of her hair dropping around the sides of her face again.
Two can play at that game, she thought, snaking her fingers up and slipping them under his headband. As his mouth slid out from under hers and he allowed her tongue to assault his mouth, Rukia pushed the band of cloth up and over so it caught on his topknot. He removed one hand from around her waist, and she heard the snap of him pulling out his hair tie, followed by the soft brush of his hair falling over and around their faces.
Curiosity ran rampant in Rukia’s mind for she was eager to try all those things that Matsumoto and others claimed were fun and entertaining. Softly Renji’s lips glided over hers, his strong arms tipping her back as he shifted his hips. She sighed with delight feeling one of those hands slipping between them to glide over her chest. In response, she pushed her hand between his robe and chest, rubbing and massaging where the ink started. Renji’s hands caught on the soft silk, as did hers, both of them exploring their vastly different bodies in the cool darkness of the room.
Midway in the next kiss, their lips moved apart, both panting. Rukia laid her head on his shoulder, feeling him kissing at her ear while massaging her chest sensually. However, he kept his hands away from her lower half, just as she seemed to do. Instead, she wrapped her legs loosely around his waist, gasping at the friction generated by rubbing her womanhood along his thighs. “Damn, I want more,” she found herself saying.
“I know, but I don’t wanna get you in trouble. Kami I want you so bad, Rukia. Always have, but I don’t… want to blow this,” Renji whispered.
“I understand,” Rukia answered, choosing to sit quietly in his arms and nibble at his neck. Both stopped because they felt the shifting of minute reiatsu coming close. Reluctantly Renji helped her off his lap, both of them struggling to straighten one another up. Finding his hair tie, Rukia helped him secure it again as he slicked his hands along it. Likewise, Renji helped her find her combs, pushing them back into her hair in some semblance of the elaborate coif she had before. No stranger to fixing hair, Renji soon had it close to as it was before. Pulling his robe shut, she chuckled when he tried to do the same to hers.