Bleach Fan Fiction ❯ Safe Sex ❯ Lost and Found ( Chapter 8 )

Lost and Found

 

By Tituba

 

Disclaimer: I do not own Bleach or any Bleach affiliates.

 

(A/N: This update took a while. I'm suffering from writers block. No new ideas are flowing into this cranium of mine. It sucks too because I love to write. : (

Also, this isn't connected with the last chapter. Just so you know.

 

Enjoy and review! Love Tituba.)

 

 

 

Lost and Found

 

I left him once. I wasn't even sure why I went. All I knew was that I was angry beyond measure, he was stubbornly resilient, and I was ready to drive Sode no Shiryauki through anything—metal, meat, bone, and flesh. That was how angry I was with Captain Ichigo Kurosaki, my superior, my lover, and my friend. I can't even remember what the fight was about yet I still knew that I was angrier than I had ever been in my life. Still, even through the haze of fury I was rash. I just didn't think.

 

I was with Ukitake-taicho in the very next hour. My mind was still buzzing from the adrenaline of our heated fight and I begged him to send me somewhere. He was puzzled at first, his eyes showed the type of concern that a father would give to a daughter. I knew how I must have looked to him: my eyes were rimmed with crimson although I never allowed myself to cry, my face was a pale shade, my teeth were biting my lips so hard that blood pooled to the surface, and my stance was one fit to kill.

 

He asked me what was wrong. I told him it was nothing. I told him that I was tired of sitting at my desk, doing hours of paperwork each day and then training later in the evening. I was tired of coddling Ichigo with a desk job while I wanted to be out in the field more. I wanted to be back out there, I wanted to lead an expedition to take down Hollows.

 

He wouldn't let me go at first, he told me that I was being too rash and that I needed to think this through. I think he saw the tears that were threatening to spill from my angry eyes—you know how men are, they can't stand to see a woman in tears—and he immediately caved. He gave me a team of twelve people, opened the spirit gates, and sent us into a mountainous region filled with all types of disgusting vermin Hollow.

 

I spent three months in that place. Three long months where I did nothing but wake up before the hours of dawn, fly along the tops of the hilly mountains, and take down creature after creature after filthy creature.

 

My subordinates thought I was insane. They knew well enough to stay away from me during this time. I ate alone, slept alone, fought alone, and only spoke long enough to give them orders. They did, however, discover that I was an effective and merciless leader. I did not give breaks. I made them fight for countless hours. If someone slipped up they were punished. If someone questioned my orders they were made to fight alone. I drove them hard and in the beginning I was hated but near the end I was respected beyond measure. My anger had changed the way people saw me as a person and as a Shinigami. I heard them whisper that I was nearly as frightening as my brother. In the beginning this pleased me but near the end of my assignment I was frustrated with what I had become… seemingly overnight.

 

I had never wanted this. I had never wanted to be a slave to emotions as tricky as anger. It only brought trouble and that was something I never liked dealing with. I had told myself over and over as Ichigo and I fought that I was a Kuchiki, I did not wear my heart on my sleeve nor did I let my temper get the better of me in any situation. Still, anger was there and I couldn't help but let it take advantage of me. So… I just left.

 

Since I've been with Ichigo my personality had changed so much. I am no longer able to keep hold of the feelings he evokes inside of me. I wish I could but I can't. Even if he doesn't always notice it I change when he's around. When I'm in a good mood seeing him makes it better and when I'm aggravated… well, he's my punching bag. Still, it seems as though everything I've repressed since becoming a Shinigami comes to light when he's around.

 

For better or for worse.

 

We destroyed all of the Hollows in the area efficiently and quickly. My position as a leader was solidified the moment I stepped to the front of my company in our return back home. Each soldier was tired and haggard but they stood straight and proud as they followed me through the gates and reentered the Seiretei. Ukitake-taicho was waiting for us upon our return.

 

He immediately asked me how many Hollows we had taken down. My answer really did deserve a small amount of smugness but I showed none in my face. I told him the number was over one thousand. The Captain's eyes widened and he looked to the rest of my company for confirmation. They all nodded and I grinned.

 

The flabbergasted expression on the Captain's face spoke volumes but I only smiled at him. It was a strange sensation for my face to feel considering the state I had been in during the past three months.

 

The soldiers looked towards me, silently asking permission to leave, and I nodded to all of them. They came forward, shook my hand, and dispersed, whispering about me as they went. Some was good, some was… interesting, but nothing was overtly horrible.

 

Ukitake-taicho came to me when everyone had left and grasped my small, weathered, hands in his. He smiled a warm, slightly awed, smile and tightened his hold.

 

“How are you, Rukia?” He asked me quietly.

 

“I'm fine,” I murmured and shrugged softly, “You know, after we killed all those Hollows, it made me feel better.”

 

He paused for a moment and pursed his lips together. My eyes narrowed slightly and I leaned forward a bit. “Ukitake-taicho?” I asked. “Is something wrong?”

 

He looked to the side and drew in a breath, mumbling softly. “Kurosaki-taicho…”

 

I immediately withdrew my fingers from his and bowed my head respectfully. “Don't worry, Taicho, I'll… deal with him.” I looked to the ground and drew in a couple of deep breaths.

 

With one final nod towards my Taicho—who lovingly told me to go home, take a bath, and get some rest—I quickly shunpo-ed back to Ichigo's house. I knew it was rather pretentious for me to immediately come to his home after I had been away for so long, not to mention I had to consider how rudely I left, but most of my things were in his place, so it was only logical that I would come here. I mean, we had been practically living together for years. Still, I needed to stay. I needed to wait for him. We needed to talk.

 

When I stepped inside the door I slipped off my shoes and slowly walked towards the bedroom. To the side was Ichigo's adjacent bathroom and I knew that I needed a shower before I could even think of being presentable. Hygiene hadn't been one of my more pertinent responsibilities over the past months. I groaned lightly and checked the clock. It was already bit later in the afternoon. If Ichigo wasn't home now—as I hoped he wasn't—that meant he was probably stuck in his office doing the paperwork he's neglected for ages. During nights like these I knew I wouldn't see him until the very early hours of the morning. Truth be told, I wasn't even sure if he would come. I knew that he would hear of my arrival sooner or later. Maybe he would be too angry to even want to see me. I felt my shoulders slump slightly and wondered if I would have to sleep at the Squad Thirteen barracks for the next couple of nights.

 

My hands moved to my obi and I untied it. I walked into the room we frequently shared and stood silently as I let it all soak back in. I could smell his unique scent floating throughout the room. I covered every surface. His shihakusho's were in his side of the closet—I still couldn't believe he had allowed me to put my robes inside his closet, although he had drawn a line at the Chappy pajamas being seen next to his captains robe—a few of his socks were left around the floor, and the sheets on the bed looked like they hadn't been made in weeks.

 

My stomach twisted as she slipped off my black outer hakama. I folded it neatly and set it in the corner before walking towards the shower. My breathing was slightly uneven as I turned on the water and let it slip over my body.

 

I knew I shouldn't have been afraid of Ichigo's impending arrival. We had been through worse together. We had had fights far more serious than this one and we had gotten through all of them.

 

Still, for all of those times neither one of them had ever gone away. We had always stayed inside the house and talked—yelled—about our problems until they were solved or at least somewhat resolved. Most of those times we would have furiously heated sex afterwards and then simply revel in delicious feelings of the afterglow. Biting my lip as I rinsed away months worth of dirt and grime, I thought of what might happen when Ichigo got home.

 

He would yell, that was obvious enough. His face would become extremely red and his eyes would probably bug out of his head at the very sight of me. He would grab hold of me, shake my shoulders, scream, and bring his nose so close to mine that we almost touched.

 

The water turned lukewarm and I sighed softly. I turned off the faucet and stepped out, shivering slightly in the cool afternoon air entering through the cracked window. I took a towel off the rack and used it to dry my hair before wrapping it around my small body. I rocked on the balls of my feet, stretching and relaxing my calves, before walking out of the bathroom. I needed to plan what I was going to say to Ichigo when he got back. Maybe if I had a monologue already prepped in my head I wouldn't be at such a loss for words when he showed up. I'd have to start with an apology, of course, and maybe add in that it was sort of his fault and then—

 

I gasped.

 

The room was dark but I could still see him. He was sitting in the chair that was paired with his desk. He was still fully dressed in his captain's robe but Zangetsu was resting safely against the wall. I swallowed heavily as my eyes immediately pinpointed his face. I couldn't see his eyes but I knew they were burning. His hair cast a large shadow over his face and I felt my breathing quicken as I saw the muscles in his cheeks tighten. I tried to say his name but the moment the first syllable went past my lips his head shot up and he all out glared at me.

 

I felt my knees weaken as his heady stare penetrated every part of my body. His breathing was as fast as mine and I gripped the towel tighter towards my quaking form. Even though my skin felt like it had just been left in a sauna my insides immediately felt cold as ice under the power of his gaze.

 

I didn't feel afraid. Ichigo could never scare me; I knew he would never do anything that would ever hurt or intimidate me. Even during the few encounters I've had with his inner hollow I've always known that Ichigo would never do anything to harm me. With this in mind, I drew in an unsteady breath and gripped the towel even harder. My knees knocked together as I took one step forward.

 

“Ichigo,” I whispered again, this time his complete name came from my mouth, not just a part. He just stared at me. He didn't move, he didn't say a word. He just sat there with his jaw clenched. I had to blink a couple of times, clear my thoughts, and take another step forward before I was able to coherently speak.

 

“I know what you're thinking,” I told him in a rush. That was a complete lie of course; I could never tell what was going through his mind, not even in our Karakura soul-reaping days. His face was far too ambiguous for that. “And I know I should have told you before I… I—left, but I—”

 

His eyes shot up to mine and I immediately stopped what I was saying. His eyes were burning into mine. They were not intense with heated rage, like I thought they might have been. The only thing I could glimpse inside of those heavenly pools of amber was the most intense, smoldering, expression I had ever seen before. It mixed together frustration, anger, loneliness, hurt… and so much more.

 

I swallowed and took a step back. His expression scared me. It made my heart want to break. “I can… leave… if you wa—”

 

My back connected with the hard wood of the wall and the towel slipped further down my breasts. My eyes blinked sporadically as I felt my body lifted until my feet were off of the ground. Ichigo's hands were thrust under my thighs and he pushed me harder into the wooden wall as he pulled my legs around his waist.

 

I gasped his name but instead of answering he bent his head down and latched himself onto my neck. My head was thrown back immediately as his teeth scraped down upon my pulse. My arms wrapped instinctively around his neck. His mouth moved hungrily over my collar, up the side of my jaw, he kissed under my chin, licked the hollow behind my ear, and bit me at every chance he got.

 

I said his name again, only this time it was louder and more… extreme. My mind was whirling fantastically and my body was beginning to respond to the proximity of his. I felt myself panting hard as he pushed into me harder and harder. His desperation was overwhelming and my mind blanked as his hand came to the front of my towel and ripped the offending garment from my body. It lay uselessly on the floor as I gasped and groaned.

 

I didn't have the slightest clue as to what was going on right now. I had thought he would be angry with me. I didn't know he was going to make love to me the moment I stepped out of the shower. I had been such an idiot, the guilt that had been eating at me at the end of my three month mission had slammed full force into my gut the moment I saw Ichigo's eyes. He needed me. He really did. Not just sexually either. He had been hurt by what I had done. He was angry and he was lonely.

 

Not to mention I hadn't known how much I needed this until now. Those months of separation hurt me as much as they did Ichigo. Granted, I still wasn't completely sure as to why he was fucking me right now—after everything I did—but as his hands weaved a delicate pattern around my breasts and down my stomach to the twisted center of nerves in my bundle of curls I couldn't really care.

 

I think I cried out at one point but the moment a single sound left my mouth it was stopped by Ichigo.

 

He kissed me with a force most probably bestowed upon him by demons. His lips pried my moaning, wonton, mouth apart and he slammed his tongue into me so hard and fast that the back of my head crashed into the wall behind me. I was limp as he continued to kiss me, hard and fast. He angled his head to the side and kissed me even harder. I felt his anger growing when I didn't respond as enthusiastically as I should have. I was still in the midst of trying to figure out why Ichigo was doing this after I had so blatantly run away from him for three month. But his grinding rhythm against my center and his intense work on my clit slowed as he pulled his head from mine and snarled. “Kiss me back.”

 

One of his hands came to the back of my head and he forced my lips back against his. This time—although I was still shell-shocked—I was prepared. My hands rose to grip his short strands of orange hair as well as the back of his neck. This time I did extravagant battle with his tongue. I pushed against him with every ounce of power I had. It had been so long since we kissed like this. This was all out war between our mouths. Our desperation at being away from each other melted into the kiss and made it hotter than before. Not to mention with what Ichigo was doing to my dripping sex we knew it would only be a matter of time before this became an all out war between our bodies as well.

 

He wrenched me away from the wall and I locked my legs tight around his slim waist. He jerked backwards a few steps before tumbling onto the bed, my soft body underneath of his. My hands were desperately tearing at his clothes and it seemed as though he would die if he took his mouth away from mine for a mere second. I was gasping and thrashing beneath him, my body was tingling with heat and I was yearning for some type of release from what I was feeling.

 

My lips sputtered his name and I groaned as his fingers entered me. My back arched almost against my will and I clutched his shoulders until I was nearly positive that my fingernails were cutting through his clothes. The tight winding in my body was not allowing me to remember that Ichigo's body was still wrapped in yards of coarse fabric. He was thrusting into me erratically, his fingers moving like scissors as they pushed inside and out. I felt myself roll through my first orgasm and barrel straight into a second one. My body was completely numb by the time my second wave of pleasure had subsided.

 

It was only then that Ichigo lifted his head long enough to pant, “You left me.”

 

I felt as though I was falling through a heated liquid pool and could do nothing more than open my eyes slowly and stare into his. There was so much pain reflected in his amber orbs that I could nearly feel my heart breaking at the sight. My jaw trembled—although I wasn't completely sure that it wasn't from the kissing—and I raised my hands to his face. I gently traced the outlines of his eyebrows, the lines on his furrowed forehead, the line of his lips—swollen from kissing mine—and then the silky flesh of his eyelids. He was breathing hard and hot and I bent his head until it rested on my forehead. My brow was covered in sweat and I pressed light kisses onto his nose.

 

“I'm sorry,” I said simply. I didn't know what else I could say. I didn't know what else to do other than to kiss him and apologize, hoping he noticed the full weight of my heart behind my words. I said it over and over as I kissed him. He kissed me back; again and again he kissed me. I tore at his clothing with my fingers until he was as naked as I. I massaged his glistening muscles and kissed any part of him I could reach.

 

He entered me swiftly with the strength and force of a man desperate to finish what he started. My arms and legs wrapped around his body and I groaned repeatedly as he thrust into me, hard and fast. I pulled his mouth down in a desperate kiss and screamed when we came. His heated release filled me to the brim and slid down my legs. He thrust into me a few more times before collapsing to the side.

 

We breathed heavily together. I lifted my hands to his face and smoothed back his hair. He placed butterfly kisses on my face and cradled me close to his chest.

 

“Don't do that again.” He told me.

 

I nodded and together we slid our bodies closer together. I pressed another kiss to his chest and he held me close.

 

“I'm so sorry Ichigo.” I murmured, still feeling the weight of guilt in my stomach. But behind the massive waves of guilt I could feel something else pressing against the walls of my stomach. It was curiosity, and it was buried deep, but it was still there. Raising my head I kissed his lips and whispered. “How did you know I was home?”

 

He slid his arms down my elbows and up to my fingers. “When you left, I had Squad Eleven track your whereabouts. I got daily updates about you and your team. I even saw video footage of you taking down Hollows.” He sighed and switched to his side, “I just had to make sure you were okay.”

 

My heart swelled inside of my chest and I smiled softly. He snorted and muttered, “Remind me never to get on your bad side when you've got Sode no Shirayuki in your hands.”

 

I laughed weakly and snuggled my face in close to his chest. A small smile was on my lips as I hugged him tight. That was my Ichigo, always my protector, even when he was mad at me. He kissed me once more on the forehead and then on the lips. As we snuggled together on the bed, drowsy from anger and exhaustion, I realized two things: one, that Ichigo would always be there waiting at the end of the day, not matter how mad we were at each other. And two, that I would never run away from him again.

 

 

(Additional A/N: Okay, so let me just have a minute to say how much I disliked Bleach 167, sure, the artistic animation was fantastic but come on, holding hands with Orihime while Rukia's off dying somewhere? Arg! And Orihime hasn't even done anything either! She just stands there simpering! She was even afraid of Ichigo. Plus, her so called “noble intentions” went caput, she wants to be saved, she said she went to save everyone but she wants to be rescued by her `knight in shining armor.' Rukia was ready to sacrifice her life without a second thought but Orihime… no, she's just too much of a princess.

I apologize, I just needed to vent about that. If you feel like discussing this further don't hesitate to email me.)

 

(And I was told my 07janina07 that what happened in the Anime doesn't happen in the manga. I feel really foolish. I was so angry with the anime that I forgot the manga! But still… urg, even if the manga is more sympathetic to my anti-IchiHime mindset the anime still made me angry. I'm going to go stew for a few more minutes.)