Bleach Fan Fiction ❯ Safe Sex ❯ Dinner Party ( Chapter 9 )

Dinner Party

 

By Tituba

 

Disclaimer: I do not own Bleach or any Bleach affiliates.

 

(A/N: It's been a while! I this thought just popped into my head one day and I thought it would be a fun way to give everyone a bit of background on what I say happened to everyone.

 

Enjoy and please review!)

 

 

 

The phone rang beside me and I ignored it.

 

Ichigo was sitting at a desk across the room from mine and he lifted his head when he heard it go past the fourth ring.

 

“Rukia,” he growled and I ignored him like I was ignoring the phone. I began humming a light tune and wondered when the vein in his head would begin to pulsate.

 

“Ru-kia,” he muttered again, this time with more emphasis on the second half of my name. But no, the vein in his head would only start popping once he began to curse. So, I continued humming my tune while paying no attention to that petulant ringing beside me.

 

Wait for it… wait for it…

 

“Damn it Rukia will you just answer the fucking phone?”

 

There it is.

 

I picked up the receiver and began with my now infamous `hello.'

 

“Kurosaki-taichou's office, Kuchiki-fukutaicho speaking. If you'd like to register a complaint against the Taichou for violence or stupidity then don't bother, he won't care. If you'd like to schedule a spar then, once again, don't bother. Just find him in the street and try to beat him up. And finally, if you're Kenpachi-taichou I'm obligated to tell you that Kurosaki-taichou still thinks you're demented.”

 

Wait for it…

 

“RUKIA!”

 

I snickered and smiled over at my lover, my boyfriend, and my Captain. I could pick out at least seven veins currently pumping in his forehead, even from my spot about fifteen feet away. His face was entirely red and his eyes were blazing a furious blue. His reiatsu was pushing down on me but after nearly one hundred years of being in his constant presence I was able to successfully ignore sufficient amounts of it. I snickered lightly and blew him a teasing kiss. God this was fun.

 

“Rukia-chan!”

 

I relaxed a bit and raised my mirth-filled eyes to his furious ones. I pressed the palm to the mouthpiece of the phone and grinned. “It's your father.” I told him happily and turned my attention back to the receiver.

 

“Sorry about that.” I sighed and whirled around in my chair so that my back was facing Ichigo, whose reiatsu was increasing by the second. “But I just couldn't pass up an opportunity to torture Ichigo.” I raised my hand a bit and waved my fingers teasingly at my lover. I heard an enraged sputter from behind me and I smiled.

 

“Oh no, don't worry about it,” Isshin Kurosaki crooned over the phone. “I just wanted to tell you about a little get-together I'm going to be having.”

 

“Get together?” I repeated, I raised my voice a bit higher so I knew that he would be able to hear me. I listened carefully and noted the squeaking of Ichigo's chair and the specified flare of his reiatsu. “What kind of get together?”

 

“Oh you know,” Isshin sighed, “You and Ichigo along with his sisters. You know how hard Karin's been working at the academy so I thought that she'd want a little break, and Yuzu too, I'll be picking her up from that restaurant where she works, I thought I'd invite the whole Ishida bunch, and Chad too! Maybe I'll send an invite to Byakuya, if he would be interested.”

 

“He wouldn't.” I replied shortly, “But that sounds nice, I'd love to see everyone again.”

 

Behind me, I heard Ichigo get up from his chair and I swiveled around as quickly as I could. He was coming towards me and violently shaking his head. His beautiful amber eyes were wide and panicked. His hands were out in front of him and he was waving them around like he was trying to stop on-coming traffic. His mouth was forming the word `no' in repeating and horrifying silence.

 

I made sure to raise one hand towards him and extend two of my fingers. I was prepared to use kido to restrain him if necessary. “When is it?” I asked sweetly.

 

I smiled at Ichigo and he lunged for the phone. I was prepared, I jumped nimbly out of the chair and began to prance around his office—I didn't like the word prance very much but it did describe what I was doing at the moment—while dodging blows, spells, and hushed curses. The use of hushed tones was for his benefit alone. He wouldn't dare say any of those nasty words out loud while I was talking to his father. Ichigo might be a captain but he still feared the wrath of his ex-Shinigami Captain father now and again. Trust me when I tell you, if Isshin ever heard Ichigo curse at me out loud then my boyfriend would never be able to wake up from that coma that his father would put him in.

 

“Is my stupid son giving you any trouble?” Isshin's voice was hard and only a teensy bit threatening.

 

“Ichigo?” I said innocently and watched his stiffen, “Give me trouble?” I laughed as I dodged a red ball of fire. It incinerated some paperwork but, oh well, no one likes paperwork anyway. He gave me a withering glare and continued shaking his head. I smiled and continued in my fake, schoolgirl voice, “Maybe just a little…”

 

“I'll kill him for that.” Isshin growled happily. “He shouldn't take the woman who sleeps with him willingly for granted.”

 

“Oh don't worry,” I laughed and dodged another shot. “I like him alive.”

 

“Then I'll just beat him up for you.”

 

“If you must.”

 

“Saturday then?”

 

“Saturday.”

 

“Goodbye Rukia-chan.”

 

“See you Saturday!”

 

I laughed as I hung up the phone and placed Ichigo into a triple binding spell. Triples were the only ones that would detain him now, if only for a few minutes.

 

“RUKIA!”

 

I glared down at him, “Oh shut up Ichigo.” He writhed on the floor and I stood over him triumphantly. My arms were crossed and my legs were parted at shoulder-length. I grinned wickedly and nudged his arm with my toes. “You haven't seen your family in nearly four months—”

 

“That's still not long enough!” He shouted angrily and I frowned at him when I sensed his reiatsu pulse against my bonds. I slapped two more on him and he shrieked like a little girl.

 

“I told you,” I warned him and began to pace back and forth in front of his prostrate body. He was flapping on the ground like a fish; even his mouth was opening and closing silently. Although… you know, that might actually have something to do with the amount of pain he was currently in.

 

“Besides, I want to see everyone. Not to mention your father invited Orihime, Uryu, and Chad too.”

 

“WHAT?”

 

I sent him a patronizing glare. “Stop being such a baby, Ichigo. When was the last time we actually had a nice dinner with our friends?” Smiling sweetly, I leaned down in front of his twisted body and patted his orange mop of hair with my fingertips.

 

“I thought you didn't like nice dinners,” he spat angrily. His eyes were glowing blue and I knew that he was attempting to raise his reiatsu enough to break the bonds without me noticing it. He wasn't succeeding. I put three more binding spells on him and waltzed over to my desk.

 

“I just don't like it when you cook,” I answered matter-o-factly. “Because whatever you end up making turns into charbroiled mud.”

 

“At least I try!” He wheezed and I looked back at him. His left arm was currently encircling his entire waist… twice.

 

Maybe I really shouldn't have used so many binding spells on him.

 

I shrugged. Oh well, he'll live.

 

“I can't cook because I have a condition,” I sniffed indignantly.

 

“Yeah,” he snorted, “And it's called stuck-up-bitchism.”

 

My foot connected with his face so hard that I knew he wouldn't wake up until the following afternoon.

 

*~*~*

 

“I can't believe you're making me do this.” Ichigo groaned. He paused for a second and whimpered pitifully at his outfit. “I can't believe you're making me wear this? I look like a fruitcake.” I glanced at the navy blue dress kimono I was making him wear and snickered. He sure looked a lot less threatening in this outfit than he did in his captain's robe, which he almost got away with wearing until I stopped him… with my foot in his face.

 

“No,” I assured him softly and patted his cheek with my hand, “You look much worse than that.”

 

I was out of his reach before he could take a swipe at me. He swore and barged inside of his father's house. While he screamed my name and called me things that should have burned my ears—they didn't, I've lived with him for far too long—he didn't notice that I was standing to the side with his father keeping me company. We were only a few steps to the left of him but he couldn't see us at all. We had made sure that the living room door frame was obscuring us from his view. I snickered from my perch as Ichigo stood, glaring and swearing, near us, twirling around in a desperate attempt to locate where I had disappeared to.

 

As Ichigo continued to curse me I looked over at Isshin, my father-substitute, practical parole officer for my boyfriend, and all-around goofball who was currently donning a bright pink kimono. His ridiculous face, which had been happy to see me only a moment ago, was now deadly/comically serious. His one eyebrow was twitching and his mouth was turned down. I snickered evilly and hoped that Isshin wouldn't give Ichigo too many bruises. I liked my boyfriend the color he was, not the many shades of a rotten tomato.

 

“Rukia! I swear to God if you don't get out here I'll leave!”

 

Isshin gave me a fun—yet sinister—look and I grinned back. He wiggled his feet against the floor and jumped out from behind the frame.

 

“I-CHI-GO!”

 

Slam. Groan. Crash. Scream. Bang. Shout. Smash. Gargle. Thump. Whimper.

 

I stayed behind the wall and listened patiently as my boyfriend was wailed on by his father and vice versa. After a few moments of enjoying listening to his pain I emerged from my spot on the wall and leaned against the frame.

 

“Go Isshin,” I cheered sweetly and he looked up from where he was currently holding Ichigo in a headlock.

 

“Yo-ack—re supposhed to b-be on mhey schide!” Ichigo wheezed from his compromised position. Wow… now that's an interesting shade of blue. It went perfectly with Ichigo's hair.

 

“Yes well,” I sighed, tearing my eyes away from Ichigo's blue face/orange hair phenomenon. “You made fun of my clothing choices.”

 

“I apologize for my idiot son,” Isshin cried. I grinned when I noticed that Isshin was purposely blocking out Ichigo's reiatsu with his own. “I'll teach him to appreciate a woman like you!”

 

“Fine by me,” I said calmly and Ichigo shot me a glare that told me I would pay for this later today. “I'll just say hi to everyone else.”

 

“They're in the kitchen!” Isshin giggled happily and I waved as I exited the room. More shouts of pain could be heard from the foyer but I paid them no mind. I wanted to see everyone else.

 

When Ichigo came to the Soul Society at the age of twenty five he left his family and his friends behind to live long, successful lives. Isshin, Karin, Yuzu, Orihime, Uryu, and Chad had grown up, had families, had careers, and finally grew old and died.

 

When all of them had finally taken their last breaths, high-ranking Shinigami were sent immediately to personally escort them into the Soul Society. They were welcomed as heroes into the Soul Society and had been offered positions in the Gotei Thirteen almost immediately. As an added bonus, because they were saviors and all, they were given the option of choosing what age they wanted to appear when they crossed over. So instead of entering as old and withered senior citizens, they entered the Seiretei as spry twenty-year-olds, ready to live another thousand years here in the Soul Society.

 

Inoue took up a spot as an unseated officer in the Fourth Squad—she said she didn't want a very high profile—and helped fellow Shinigami heal those around her. Her unique powers made her exceedingly valuable when it came to intense battlefield injuries and she was often taken out into the field as a major medic. Because of her, the lives of hundreds of—otherwise terminal—Shinigami had been saved.

 

Uryu ended up taking a position within Squad One. This allowed him nearly complete access to almost any part of the Gotei Thirteen that he wanted. He was often called upon to do a number of tasks that ranged from research—humane, of course, and most definitely not in the company of Mayuri Kurotsuchi—to battle. So he was more or less the token, and often free-lanced, Quincy of the Soul Society.

 

Chad had been offered a seat inside the Eleventh Squad, seeing as how his brute strength made him quite popular among some of the more muscle-oriented officers like Kenpachi and Ikkaku. Yet surprisingly, Chad didn't want to have anything to do with the Gotei Thirteen and had instead gone off to the Rukon districts. He had decided to take after his grandfather and raise a small farm in a quiet patch of land. He only used his magnificent powers sparingly and had chosen to settle for a simple life uncomplicated by politics, power, and monsters. He had even knocked around the idea of setting up a small Mexican restaurant in his village in order to celebrate part of his heritage. It would be different sure, but then again, Chad thought that parts of Rukongai could use… different. After all, they had been the same for centuries.

 

Karin and Yuzu had come to the Soul Society and stayed with their father for many years before deciding on their own paths. Karin was currently enrolled in the Shinigami Academy and Yuzu was a sous-chef at a snazzy restaurant in the center of the Seiretei. Isshin lived in a small house near the edge of the Court of Pure Souls. He said he liked the location because it was far enough away from all the trouble but close enough for him to know about all the gossip and drama… this included every story that came to be circulated about his son, the Captain of Squad Three, and his feisty girlfriend.

 

In life, Uryu and Orihime had gotten married, squeezed out a few kids, and had lived happily together. In death, it was pretty much the same thing, except that their kids and some of their ancestors were still in the living world. Part of me I wondered what would happen when they decided they wanted offspring in this realm as well. Because, well, I could only surmise that the twosome was happily enjoying their time as a young, vibrant, and sexually active couple once again. Yet personally I think it would be weird for my parents to die in one world only to produce a technically `dead' brother or sister in another world.

 

That would sure make for one hell of an awkward family reunion.

 

I moved to the kitchen door and poked my head past the frame. My deep violet kimono bunched around my knees and I smiled softly. Yuzu was throwing herself completely into her cooking. Her elbows were covered in flour and her face was smeared with batter but she couldn't have looked happier. A large smile was plastered over her beautiful teenage face and her mouth was humming the words to a happy tune.

 

Orihime was busy hovering in a light blue kimono, wearing her signature hairpins and chatting amiably to Ichigo's sister. She was staring at what Yuzu was cooking in wonder and amazement—despite the one hundred plus years Orihime had been breathing… or kind of breathing, she had still not improved in the area of cooking. Oftentimes I thought of how Uryu must have managed eating her ridiculous food for years on end.

 

It's lucky Ichigo and I never cook, I thought blissfully, we know better than that.

 

Speaking of Uryu… he was currently setting bowls and utensils on the table. His tendencies for neatness and tidiness had not changed over the years. He was still placing everything in neat lines and folding napkins into their properly exact proportions. His fashion sense hadn't changed a bit either. He was still wearing his tradition Quincy clothing, although he had finally seen the light and had removed the mini cape from his shoulders.

 

Karin and Chad loomed near the other end on the kitchen. Karin was moving in an animated fashion in her standard academy garb, apparently showing Chad some new sword tactics she had learned at the Academy. Chad—who was stuffed in the corner of the room and wearing a plain kimono—was listening patiently and nodding softly at whatever she said. Chad was still the towering giant he had always been—except he was even taller now—and Karin had chosen to come into Soul Society as a young woman in her late teens/early twenties. She had blossomed into quite a beautiful woman and I had no doubt that many of the boys in the Academy were probably clamoring for her attention.

 

I leaned casually against the door and watched the happiness all around me. It was so nice to be among friends once again. Honestly, there was only so much of Ichigo and my subordinates I could take before I needed to be around someone else.

 

My mind drifted back to Ichigo and his father in the other room. I could barely hear them over the bustling of people, the screeching of pots, the banging of pans, and the animated chitchat all around me but I knew that they were still going at it. I smiled inwardly; I was glad Isshin had decided on this dinner. These people were my family and it was definitely good to see family now and again.

 

“RUKIA!”

 

I yelped when Ichigo's strong arm wrapped around my waist and began to tug me backwards. I immediately grabbed onto the door frame and latched onto it as hard as I could. “We are getting out of here!” He yelled and started pulling. “I can't deal with my dad right now! He must've broken three of my ribs!” He started to yank me backwards but I had a better grip. I also had the upper hand in that I knew the entirety of Ichigo's/my family was inside of the kitchen. Now that we had made ourselves known to them there was no getting out of it. Not even if we used shunpo.

 

Then the barrage began.

 

“Ichi-nii! Rukia-chan!” Yuzu shrieked.

 

“Yo Ichigo, yo Rukia.” Karin drawled.

 

“Kurosaki-kun! Rukia-san!” Orihime giggled.

 

“Kurosaki. Kuchiki.” Uryu nodded.

 

“Ichigo. Rukia.” Chad grunted.

 

“Oh… shit,” Ichigo muttered. He had frozen in front of them while still holding me at an odd angle. I turned my head and grinned wickedly at him. His face was one of molten anger, startled shock, and burning embarrassment. His cheeks turned pink and his scowl became even worse when he noticed my evil grin at this sudden comeuppance.

 

He stared at me pointedly and snarled, “When we get home,” he growled quietly enough so that only I could hear, “You are going to pay. I am so using the handcuffs on you tonight.”

 

I chose not to tell him that his comment excited me instead of scared me. I merely glared back and tried to look affronted.

 

“Ichigo! How can you hold Rukia like that?” Isshin gasped in horror from the other side of the hallway. The entirety of the kitchen turned their attention to him and then to me and Ichigo.

 

Ichigo looked dryly at his father and said, “We've been in weirder positions than this Dad, trust me.”

 

My eyes widened and I immediately lashed my foot out, successfully kicking my boyfriend in the gut, he was shot over to the other wall and was immediately attacked by his father.

 

While they continued to fight I stood, I straightened myself, pulled at kimono, and smoothed over my expression. I turned to the stunned-but-not-surprised people in the room and stiffly held my nose in the air. “I don't know what he's talking about.”

 

I stood there for a few seconds, prim and proper and looking completely ridiculous in this house filled with odd-balls and after a few seconds Orihime began to chuckle, followed by Yuzu and Karin and even Chad and Uryu. I ended up laughing as well. It felt so good to be around my friends again.

 

Isshin finished beating up Ichigo fifteen minutes later and by that time the feast Yuzu had prepared for us was finished. All of us sat down at the table, a surly Ichigo sitting unhappily between me and his father—who would occasionally hit him for not saying `please' or `thank you' or `Rukia, you are the light of my life.'

 

Really, I'm not kidding.

 

All of us chatted together—well, except for Ichigo and Chad, they didn't do much talking. I told them about being promoted to fukutaicho of the Third Squad under Ichigo, yet I did not tell them how exactly Ichigo had convinced me to do so. I told them funny stories about him and he glared at me sullenly until I felt merciful enough to stop.

 

Isshin took a turn to dish out of all of the gossip he had heard around the Seiretei. As an ex-captain with grown and out-of-the-nest daughters Isshin had very little to do around the Soul Society. He said he had always contemplated going back out into the field but he commented jokingly that it was the paperwork that kept him away. So instead he filled his days with drama and gossip. The women of the room, in particular, were riveted by his stories of drunken Shinigami, promiscuous Captains—“Cough, cough… Ichigo…”—and botched missions. It was all quite fascinating. Isshin certainly knew more dirt than anyone else, including those who actually worked in the Gotei Thirteen.

 

Orihime spoke about how things in the Fourth Squad were going, told us of new recipes she was attempting, and gave a detailed description of a house she and Uryu were thinking of purchasing.

 

Uryu talked about his new designs for Shinigami uniforms that he had proposed to Captain Commander Yamamoto. Ichigo blanched at the thought of Captain's coats with frills and silk ties. A heated argument had ensued about the manliness of such outfits and eventually Uryu won. I believe it was due to his superior oratory skills, seeing as how Ichigo couldn't really get past `girly' and `stupid' while arguing with him.

 

Chad said little but did tell everyone that his farm was doing well and that he was having many visits from the little boy who had been trapped inside of the cockatiel for a while in the living world. He was content with his little corner of the world.

 

Karin went into detailed theatrics about the things she was learning at the Academy. More than once she jumped to her feet and sparred with an imaginary partner. She told us about how she wanted to get good enough to achieve her shikai form before her third year in school and how she wanted to train hard enough so she could join the Eleventh Squad once she graduated.

 

“You will not!” Ichigo barked as soon as he heard this.

 

“Will too!” She shot back, much to everyone's amusement. “I don't want to have you as my taichou, baka, you'd never let me go out on any missions!”

 

Everyone had to agree with this but that didn't stop Ichigo from arguing with Karin for nearly twenty minutes on the subject. It seemed that Isshin was on Ichigo's side and I had to admit that at least it was the first time in the evening that Ichigo and his father had actually agreed on something. Plus they had also stopped physically abusing each other, so that was a bonus.

 

Yuzu told us about how she might be promoted to a full chef at the restaurant. She giggled when she told of how her boss thought that her homey-yet-exquisitely-delicious style of cooking was just perfect for any age group. Her cheeks filled with pink pride when she said that a food critic had asked to congratulate her personally once he had finished eating her scrumptious food.

 

The evening wore on until the stars twinkled in the sky and lightning bugs blinked outside the windows. It was nearly midnight when Ichigo and I parted ways with his family. We said our goodbyes, hugged—well, at least I hugged, Ichigo was punched by his father and chose instead to stew silently in the street—and promised to get together again soon.

 

On the way down the streets—I insisted on a scenic, moonlit, walk even though Ichigo wanted to shunpo—I curled my arm around his and rested my head against his shoulder.

 

“That was nice,” I said softly.

 

He grunted beside me. I frowned up at him yet took that as an: “I know, I know… I guess it was kind of nice… but I'm sure as hell not going to admit that to you because you might start thinking that you can get me to do these things more often without being punished by the proper consequences.”

 

I know him too well.

 

“I'm sorry your father beat you up so much,” I said even though I wasn't the least bit remorseful.

 

“Che,” he snorted. Apparently, he didn't believe me either.

 

He knows me too well.

 

“Don't think I'm going back on the handcuffs.” He told me severely as we continued walking.

 

I grinned and kissed the back of his hand. “Wouldn't dream of it.”

 

We should definitely do this more often.