Bleach Fan Fiction ❯ Secrets Of An Unworthy Heart ❯ Torn ( Chapter 4 )

[ Y - Young Adult: Not suitable for readers under 16 ]
By: Langus
Our protagonists meet a pair of Shinigami from Soul Society and they have an interesting offer for Rangiku. Will she choose to follow them and forsake Gin or will she turn her back on her destiny?

Anime/Manga: Bleach Fan Fiction | Genre(s): Angst / Drama | Type: Other | Uploaded On: 02.13.2007 | Updated On: 03.31.2010 | Pages: 3 | Words: 5.3K | Visits: 419 | Status: Completed

It was quiet. Something about the silence felt suffocating. It made her want to run. That's what Rangiku thought as she listened to the steady pulse of her heartbeat pounding in her ears. She wanted to run - back home to their cave where the world was safe and familiar, but her body refused to move. Her legs remained frozen, folded beneath her as she knelt against the hard wood of the floor. She gripped Gin's hand and he squeezed back reassuringly. He was always so brave, much braver than she could ever hope to be.
 
Glancing down at her fingertips she wiggled them against her thigh experimentally. They seemed normal enough. Just regular hands, the same ones she saw every day, and yet somehow they were different. Something had happened out in the street. Some power from deep inside of her had pulsed out of those same fingers and knocked her opponents flat on their backs.
 
How can someone like me have that kind of power? she asked herself. She had a feeling Gin could tell her. He could explain it all so she would understand, but at the moment he wasn't paying her any mind.
 
Her eyes panned doubtfully over the familiar features of his face. Except for the rigid set of his jaw she had no clues to what he was thinking. Disappointed, she turned away and focused her gaze instead on the two men seated casually across from them on the tatami matted floor. Though they appeared rather imposing in their black uniforms and large swords hanging at their hips, their faces were kind and encouraging. Almost reluctantly Rangiku felt the tension ease out of her shoulders. She deduced, rather logically, that if they were like the others they wouldn't have obligingly offered to pay for a meal and a hot drink.
 
Gin had stubbornly refused their hospitality at first, but once the steaming plate of roasted pork was set in front of him and its fragrant steam curled tantalizingly towards his nose in wispy tendrils, he begrudgingly gave in and devoured the entire plate.
 
Rangiku felt too exhausted to eat. Her limbs hung limp at her sides, complete drained of their energy to the point where she could hardly muster enough strength to feed herself. She did though, ever so slowly, one delicious morsel at a time. When the plate was empty she felt marginally better and took some time to lick what was left of the sticky red sauce from her fingertips.
 
Lifting her gaze she caught the eye of the man sitting across from her. He settled his eyes on her as he took a long slow sip of sake from the cup cradled between his fingertips and she could've sworn she saw him wink. Blinking in surprise she cocked her head to the side and studied his face but he averted his gaze and occupied himself with refilling his cup.
 
"That was quite a reiatsu you had back there," the other remarked. Rangiku shied away from him and closer to Gin, wrapping her free hand around his arm. Though he outwardly looked like any other man, he and the other man in black had a certain aura about them, a sense of power unlike anything she'd ever known. She felt small compared to him, completely inconsequential - like an ant among gods. She at once feared them as much as she sat in awe of their presence.
 
"A what?"
 
"Where we come from, when you can manipulate your energy the way you did back there we call it a reiatsu. All Shinigami have the ability to do it."
 
"Shinigami?" She turned to Gin, her eyes wide as she searched his for answers.
 
These words had no meaning to her. Who were these men? What was a Shinigami? What was a reiatsu and how did they know she had one? Gin's body tensed imperceptibly but Rangiku felt it. Her forehead knit together, drawn with lines of worry as her eyes travelled over the hard lines of his face.
 
"You're from Soul Society," he said. It wasn't so much a question as it was a statement. The men exchanged a look between them before the older one with a kind face nodded his head slowly.
 
"Yes, we are. Forgive me, we should have introduced ourselves earlier. I am Ukitake, JÅ«shirÅ," he address cordially, placing a hand over his heart and inclining his head slightly in their direction, "and this is my good friend KyÅraku, Shunsui."
 
The man with the cup of sake balanced between his fingers lifted it towards them in a genial toast and smiled before tipping his head back and downing its contents. Rangiku opened her mouth to reciprocate the introduction but a sharp squeeze of Gin's hand kept her silent.
 
"What do you want?" he demanded harshly. His eyes shifted suspiciously between the Shinigami. They both lifted their eyebrows in surprise at the defensive tone underlying his words.
 
"We'd like to offer your friend here a chance to become like us, to become a Shinigami. She has great potential," Ukitake responded without hesitation. The warm smile never left his face as he turned to rest his eyes on Rangiku. She swallowed noisily and pulled away, feeling incredibly small and inferior beneath his gaze.
 
Gin tensed his hand into a tight fist and pressed it into his thigh. He'd known all along what they wanted, but hearing the words finally spoken aloud was a bitter pill to take. They wanted to take Rangiku from him. They wanted to take her away to the only place he couldn't go.
 
Once she was inside, once she became part of their world, he would be forgotten. It'd been a mistake to bring her here. She wasn't ready, or so he told himself. He wasn't sure what was harder to admit - knowing that if he truly cared about her he should let her go, that Soul Society was ultimately where someone like her belonged, or the sinking realization that he was not strong enough to follow her.
 
Rangiku's voice pulled him out of his melancholy thoughts and he turned to her in surprise.
 
"Can Gin come too?"
 
It was such a simple question. It spoke volumes of how naïve she was about the workings of Soul Society, but that was entirely his own fault. He'd kept her sheltered on purpose. He'd never wanted her to become one of them and yet here she was asking if he could come along. The irony made him want to laugh.
 
He couldn't understand why she didn't hate him for keeping her so sheltered. He'd chosen to leave that world, to seek solace in the barren wasteland they called home, but she hadn't chosen anything. She'd followed him blindly out of a need for companionship and survival and stayed with him because she thought she had nowhere else to go.
 
He'd never shown her what else was out there until today, and even now he regretted it. He regretted ever stepping foot into this city and all because of this moment. The knowledge that this day would eventually come had always been tucked away in the furthest recesses of his mind. He sometimes contemplated what he would do once she left him, but never had he envisioned it happening so soon. He wasn't ready.
 
The Shinigami exchanged glances and after a brief pause the one who loved his sake tipped another helping into his cup and held it up to them.
 
"I'm sure we can work something out," he placated with a smile. Rangiku beamed and squeezed Gin's hand excitedly. She turned to face him but her smile faded when she saw the anger clearly written across his face.
 
"Don' lie to her," he hissed though clenched teeth. In an instant the genial faces were gone and the Shinigami shot him an identical warning glare. 'Don't mess with us', it said, 'or you'll regret it'. Ignoring their warning Gin pushed on, leaning forward to emphasize his point.
 
"I'm serious. Give it to her straight!"
 
Captain Ukitake's dark eyes settled heavily on the pair and he let out a quiet sigh. He'd been hoping to avoid any hassles but it seemed as if nothing was quite so easy these days. Speaking only to Gin he gave him a hard stare, the kind he would later give his squad when they stepped out of line.
 
"It is you who needs to 'give it to her straight' as you put it. Where have you been hiding all this time that she has no idea about Soul Society or what we do there? You aren't blind, you know the power she has inside of her. She could make a great Shinigami some day and yet you are intentionally trying to keep her from that destiny.
 
"You have spirit power of your own, I can sense it, but it is nowhere near where it needs to be for Soul Society's entrance standards. You already know that though don't you? You've known all along that you could never be one of us."
 
Turning to Rangiku he tried to smooth away the look of shock that registered across her features. "Soul Society is an incredible place and you would do well there. Your friend can't come with you. For now you'd have to come alone but in time maybe he can build up his power enough to take our entrance exam and you can be re-united as Shinigami."
 
Rangiku chewed her bottom lip thoughtfully. This place, Soul Society, sounded interesting and these men appeared to be of good character. She trusted them implicitly even though they'd only just met, yet she could feel the anger and resentment emanating from Gin. How much of what Ukitake said had been true? Had Gin really known about Soul Society all along and never mentioned it to her? And if that was the case, why would he do such a thing? Was there some reason he had to hide it from her? Was he trying to protect her yet again?
 
All of these questions and dozens more raced through her mind. She didn't know what to do. Gin had always helped her make the difficult decisions in life, which generally boiled down to what to eat for dinner or how to wear her hair. For the first time she felt utterly alone and vulnerable without his guidance. Even though he was right next to her she felt closed off from him somehow, like he'd shut her out and was refusing to let her in.
 
She squeezed his hand and silently pleaded with him for help but he remained still. His silence confirmed what she already knew - it was up to her to make the choice. He'd brought her this far, made every decision for her up until this point, but this one was all hers. Inconveniently, it just happened to be the hardest one she'd ever had to make.
 
In her silence both sides felt her hesitation. The Shinigami awaited her decision patiently, confident that she would do the right thing. It was obvious that going to Soul Society was what was best for her. What they didn't realize was that Rangiku's unselfish nature meant that currently she was thinking of how her decision would affect Gin.
 
She couldn't abandon him to a world that had showed them no kindness. It would be such a horrific way to repay him for saving her all those years ago. She was surprised when he stood up and stalked wordlessly out of the room. His footsteps echoed loudly down the hall until they disappeared out of hearing range.
 
Rangiku felt their eyes on her, burning into her skin like hot pokers. She wanted to cry, she wanted to laugh at the idea of becoming like these men with their ugly black uniforms and silly swords, but most of all she wanted to run after Gin. Pushing herself to her feet she muttered a humble apology and bowed low to the Shinigami, unable to look them in the eye. Turning heel she ran full tilt down the hall and out into the street.
 
He was sitting on the stoop outside. She stood in the doorway for a moment to catch her breath and watched him moodily toss a rock into the laneway. Feeling her presence he glanced up at her surprised. She shot him an apologetic smile before plopping herself down next to him on the steps.
 
"I thought you were gonna go wit' them," he commented as he tossed another stone. She shrugged and folded her hands over her knees.
 
"I don't want to go if you can't come with me. You're the only family I have Gin. It wouldn't be right if you couldn't come too."
 
He scoffed at that and turned to fix her with a disapproving frown.
 
"Yer a fool Rangiku. You should've gone wit' 'em. Shinigami don' ask just anyone to join without takin' the entrance exam first."
 
"So you knew about them?" she interjected.
 
He nodded hesitantly and averted her gaze, not wanting to see the hurt in her eyes. He'd known about all of it and he'd kept it from her. He was selfish and wanted her for himself. He'd never tried to hide that fact, but only now did it make him feel guilty. As much as he wanted her to stay, her place was not with him. She belonged with the two men still inside the tea house and allowing her to come with him would be wrong.
 
"You should go wit' them."
 
He held her gaze, his expression serious as he made one last attempt to convince her. When she stubbornly shook her head 'no' he sighed inwardly while another part of him rejoiced. For the time being at least, he could push the fear of being alone to a far and distant corner of his mind. For at least a little while longer he wouldn't have to share her, he wouldn't have to give her up. She was his and his alone - she belonged to him.
 
"Gin…I want to go home."
 
He didn't need to look at her face to see the pleading look she was giving him. He could hear it in the waver of her voice and feel it in the subtle way she gripped his arm tighter. With a nod he gave in and stood up, lazily brushing the dirt from his kimono. With one last glance over his shoulder at the tea house he retreated with Rangiku at his side back to the place they called home.
 
She didn't look back, not even once, the entire way home. He realized later, as he stared wide eyed at the roof of the cave, that her indifference towards Soul Society bothered him. She really had no idea what she was sacrificing to be with him. If she knew, she wouldn't have given it up so easily.
 
Turning his head he took in her sleeping form and made a resolution within himself. She would become a Shinigami - it was her destiny to become something greater than what she was. He would work hard, harder than he'd ever worked in his life. He would train until his body gave out if he had to, but he would build up his strength. He would become strong enough to pass the entrance exams and don the black uniform. He would become a Shinigami and she would be at his side. He would do it for her because there was no other way for him to make amends. He'd stolen her chance at happiness and he would make it right.
 
After that day Rangiku noticed a change in Gin. He was withdrawn and distant, but never cold. She couldn't help but feel like she could no longer reach a part of him that she had before. She wondered how much of it had to do with the Shinigami they'd met in the village and their offer for her to join Soul Society. Did he not want her with him anymore? He'd certainly done his best to convince her to go with them.
 
Not sure what else to do, Rangiku did her best to stay out of his way and cause as few inconveniences for him as possible. Sometimes he went almost an entire day without saying a word to her and others he disappeared completely. It was his disappearances which troubled her the most. At first she worried endlessly that he wouldn't return, but then he would. He'd appear sometimes long after dark, sometimes days later, but always he returned.
 
He never told her where he went or what he did and she never asked. She figured if he wanted to tell her he would. Whatever it was he was doing exhausted him completely. There were nights when he would stumble home and collapse on the floor in exhaustion, lacking the energy to even make it to his bed. On those nights she would discretely slip her pillow beneath his head and cover him with a blanket to keep out the cold.
 
He never thanked her, but he left small gifts next to her pillow each morning before he departed. Some days it was just a pretty stone, others it was some exotic fruit she'd never seen before. Each time it was a new surprise and she knew that through each of these gifts he was both apologizing to her and thanking her for staying with him. She treasured them all and stared at them often on the days when he was gone.
 
And so it was that life continued for them, one day at a time. The days blurred into months, and the months into years until the moment Gin decided it was time for them to leave. Looking at her triumphantly, with his hands on his hips, he smiled. He didn't smile often enough.
 
"Darlin' it's time to go," was all he said, but she knew instinctively what he meant. It was time to leave their home, time to abandon everything warm and familiar, and go to Soul Society. It was finally time to start their new lives as Shinigami - together.
 
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Updated Author's Note: In response to some of the reviews I've received about this chapter, I figured it was time for an updated AN. I'd invite you to take a look at the publication dates for this story. When it started I didn't even read the Bleach manga.
I realize that this chapter doesn't coincide with recent manga revelations. Really though, it was never intended to. Scenes like Gin determining that Rangiku's birthday was the day they met were my own idea that just coincidentally happened to coincide with the manga chapters when they came out (cool, but not planned). I have no intentions of re-writing any part of this fic to make it "fit" with the manga.
Take it as is and enjoy the journey. Thanks!
- Langus