Bleach Fan Fiction ❯ Seireitei Monogatari ❯ #11: Of Love's Bestowing ( Chapter 11 )

Title: Of Love's Bestowing

Characters/Pairings: Byakuya/Yoruichi (one-sided), Byakuya/Jyuushiro, Byakuya/Hisana, Byakuya/Renji

Rating: T

Warnings: OOC, Male/Male kiss, spoilers for Byakuya's back-story

Words: 1278

Description: Byakuya has been in love four times.

Special thanks to Helios82 and ChessyKat!! I love your reviews!

 

 

His first love was Shihouin Yoruichi.

 

She was everything his stifled, caged existence was not. Yoruichi was carefree and fun with an ever-present and rather mischievous smile. She always laughed, enjoying life in a way that he had never been allowed, and he envied her more than even he cared to admit.

 

He loved her dark skin, which reminded him of the smooth chocolate he secretly coveted when he thought no one was looking. And Yoruichi's eyes shone with a hint of amber-hued awareness, as if she already knew everything before he did.

 

Yoruichi had always ruffled his hair, pinched his cheeks, and chirped nonsense at him. She had called him cute pet names that made his lips twist into a scowl, all the while beaming with happiness on the inside, and she had forever goaded him to play tag. Yet, he had never been able to catch her, not even now.

 

However, Yoruichi had disappeared from Seireitei before he could ever confess, though he suspected she had already known. Sometimes, he imagined he still could hear her laughter echoing in the sakura blossoms, and something like happiness and longing tingled in his belly, in spite of the fact she had left him for that fool Urahara.

 

His second love was a man, which had surprised him at first. Yet, what was there not to like about Ukitake Jyuushiro? No one could hate the kind man, who always had a smile for everyone. He was Byakuya's senpai, and from the moment he had met the white-haired man, Byakuya had felt something jump sharply in his chest.

 

Jyuushiro was beautiful, and that had been the first thing Byakuya had noticed. When introduced to the oldest son of an aristocrat family, he had been struck by the graceful gentleness in the man's dark eyes. For the first time, Byakuya had felt nervous at a meeting, jittery, his palms sweating and his knees shaking.

 

The older shinigami had simply beamed at him, patting him companionably on the shoulder. The man had promised to look after him, to take care of him, and unlike so many of Byakuya's other caretakers and associates, Jyuushiro had always kept his promises.

 

It had taken him a while to work up the nerve to confess, and Byakuya could tell at a glance that he had taken the other man by surprise. He was certain that Jyuushiro received love confessions at least one a day, but still, he had hoped that his own would be something special.

 

Waiting there with bated breath, something like hope fluttering in his heart, had been one of the longest times of his rather short life. For a startling and wonderful minute, Byakuya had almost believed that his senpai returned his feelings, especially with the way Jyuushiro had stared at him. The man's eyes had swirled with some nameless emotion, their dark depths glittering strangely.

 

However, the moment had passed all too quickly. Jyuushiro had reached out, squeezing him on the shoulder more tightly than he ever had before, giving that same gentle smile. Yet, it had somehow been saddened, bittersweet, and in that instant, Byakuya had known what was to come. He had barely listened to whatever the older shinigami had said next, and even now he could only faintly recall Jyuushiro's words, something about age differences and having his whole life to find his true love.

 

It had been easier from then on to keep a more impassive facade around Jyuushiro, even when he received smiles that seemed secretively sweeter for him than everyone else. They were even more special than the ones reserved for Kyouraku.

 

Perhaps the true love that Jyuushiro had spoken of was Hisana, or at least, that was what Byakuya had wanted to believe. For him, it was a tingling, maybe even love, from the outset. For her, it was mere joy at the thought of leaving the horrors of Rukongai. He had married her, despite the fact that she was a commoner, defying the elders of his clan.

 

And yet, she had always been lukewarm to him. Her heart hadn't shone in her eyes when she had gazed at him, not like his had for her. Her smiles had been empty, her touch cold, like ice. Though it had hurt, he simply could not let her go. While his heart had thrummed and his eyes had softened for her, it had been with the startling and aching knowledge that she had appreciated him at the most and respected him at the least.

 

Nevertheless, Hisana was his third love, the only one who had ever even given him the chance. Not even playful Yoruichi or kind Jyuushiro had been willing to do that much.

 

Byakuya had thought that after her death his heart would forever be a solid block of ice and stone, one that would never crack. Years of rejection, of learning to deal with the loss and impossible, unrequited love had made him… well, loveless. He was composed and cool and locked inside, all notions of romance and yearning lost to the wind as foolish improbabilities.

 

He had been unprepared for the furious fire of a stray dog, one that took form in his cocky and brash vice-captain.

Renji was everything Byakuya had never known he wanted and nothing he had ever expected. The Kuchiki head didn't believe he would ever feel anything again, content to keep everyone at a safe distance and far from reaching for his carefully protected heart. Yet, something in his newly appointed vice-captain called to him.

 

The boy was annoying and loud, determined to reach the stars, despite his complete lack of wings. And in his scarlet eyes, there was such a vigor for life, one that Byakuya knew he had lost long ago if he had ever even had it at all.

 

Renji was common and low. He was young, noisy, and full of ideals. Yet, Byakuya wanted nothing more than to rip off that tie and bury his hands in dark crimson strands. He wanted to mark skin with his own teeth and to silence the nonsense words with his lips. The plain need that he felt when he looked at Renji surprised even himself.

 

In spite of all that, Byakuya never said anything; he never made a single move. He watched. He imagined. He pretended… but he never acted, like always. For all his courage, Byakuya was a coward on the inside.

 

He had been brave once, and look what it had gotten him. A childhood friend who had abandoned him, who had always loved someone else more. A senpai who had simply smiled, pity and wordless apologies forever shimmering in his eyes. A wife who had used him, who had never even cared for him at all.

 

So when Renji had grabbed him one day for no reason, pulling him across his desk and scattering the paperwork to the floor, Byakuya had been shocked. He had been perplexed. Still, it hadn't shown; above all, noblemen did not display emotion.

 

Nevertheless, his eyes had widened, and a small gasp had escaped his mouth when Renji had growled in his throat, suddenly kissing him as if nothing else mattered in the world. There had been passion; there had been warmth. There had been desire, something that no one else had ever returned, and he had instantly melted, a part of him cracking deep inside.

 

He had returned the embrace, forgetting about the paperwork and his duties and decorum. He finally, finally, had what he had been searching for within his grasp.

 

Byakuya just never would have guessed that his fourth and final love would be Abarai Renji.

 

- - - - -

 

A/N: Thanks everyone for your continuous support. Please leave a review before you go and let me know how I'm doing.