Bleach Fan Fiction ❯ Seireitei Monogatari ❯ A Queer Theory ( Chapter 54 )

Title: A Queer Theory

Pairings/Characters: Ichigo/Byakuya, Others

Rating: M

Warning: Slash, Language

Words: 5, 316

Description: His sex life had been reduced to a bar graph. A bar graph! Someone was going to die.

 

 

The Mating Habits of Male Shinigami

 

Hypothesis: A homosexual relationship will not display seventy-five percent of the affection or monogamy of a heterosexual relationship.

 

Results were inconclusive. Further study is needed. See sections 1567 through 1678 of the division records center for all data transcribed.

 

* * *

 

It wasn't often that Byakuya traveled down to Karakura, but being as he and Ichigo were in a give-and-take relationship, it was only fair that he left Soul Society on an equal basis for as much as Ichigo came to him. Besides, the human town was often good for a vacation, a chance to get away from the trials of Shinigami work. Not to mention it was worth it just to taste Yuzu's cooking.

 

In any case, he returned to Soul Society early one morning, somewhat tired but generally feeling pretty cheerful. Or as cheery as a man like him dared show the world. However, the moment he stepped through the Seikaimon, it was clear that there was something off about Soul Society. It wasn't tangible or plainly obvious, but he couldn't shake the feeling.

 

Byakuya frowned as headed towards his division, determined to see how it had collapsed in his absence and under Renji's command. While his vice-captain was capable, the Kuchiki heir still didn't like to leave it out of his own control for too long. It was the possessive part of him, he supposed.

 

It wasn't until he was very nearly within his division compound that he noticed something strange. He had only idly paid attention to the fact that those around him were reading something, but it wasn't until he caught sight of Zaraki Kenpachi reading the very same thing that he began to grow suspicious. He didn't even know that the eleventh division captain could read, much less actually want to. It made his own curiosity heighten, and he resolved to somehow get a copy of whatever it was that was occupying everyone's attention. And he honestly meant everyone because no matter where he looked, it was in the hands of every person he spotted.

 

Byakuya stepped into his division and immediately found Renji propped up behind his desk, leaning back with his legs sprawled improperly against his door. A chastisement found its way to Byakuya's lips, but before he could speak, he noticed that his vice-captain was also reading the very same document that seemed to have captivated the rest of Soul Society.

 

He frowned. “Renji.”

 

With a start, Renji's hands flew up, sending the papers flying in a whirl as he promptly fell over, so engrossed that he hadn't even sensed his captain's presence. He looked up from his askew position, and to Byakuya's surprise, his vice-captain was turning red and doing his best not to meet the Kuchiki heir's eyes.

 

“Eh... welcome back, taichou,” the redhead said, half-stuttering as he promptly tried to gather the scattered papers.

 

Byakuya was not amused. “I hope that this is not representative of how you spent my entire absence,” he commented, fixing his vice-captain with his best reprimanding glare.

 

“Of course not.” Renji still wouldn't look him in the eye. “The division's runnin' smooth and's ready for action. Paperwork's on yer desk.”

 

The captain watched his subordinate for a moment, inwardly amused by the redhead's squirming before he finally stepped towards his office. “Very well. Carry on, Renji.”

 

Back in the sanctity and quiet of his office, Byakuya calmly perched behind his desk and eyed the massive stack of documents with a mournful glare. He recognized the paperwork as a necessity. Still, he couldn't help but think that the old geezer assigned half of it simply because he wanted something for them all to do when there wasn't a Hollow to destroy or a random ryouka invasion to stop. More than half of it, he believed, was absolutely pointless.

 

With a final glare at the pile on his desk, he reached for the top of the stack and got to work. Lost in figures and words and more reports than he ever cared to read, he promptly forgot about the strange document circling Soul Society. It wasn't until many hours later, as he reached the very bottom of the never-ending mound, that he remembered his interest. But by then, he was far too tired to even look at it.

 

He resolved to take said document home without once even glancing at the headline.

 

Byakuya dismissed Renji for the day, extracting a promise from his vice-captain to be in on time and sober in the morning before leaving himself. He headed towards Ukitake's quarters, considering that his were still under construction thanks to a certain trio's drunken mishap. His room had been completed but not the rest of the house. Besides, his senpai enjoyed the company.

 

The thirteenth division captain wasn't home when Byakuya arrived, but the few servants were more than willing to accommodate him. He quickly found himself relaxing in the common room, calmly sipping tea as he pulled out the document that seemed to captivate all of Seireitei.

 

The Mating Habits of Male Shinigami.

 

Well, it certainly seemed more interesting than the usual substandard and boring fare that Mayuri tried to force on them. He idly wondered what foolish idiots had given the kook scientist free reign to study their love lives.

 

Byakuya shifted to get comfortable in his chair and flipped open the report to the first page, briefly labeled “Encounter One.”

 

* * *

 

Jyuushiro sighed and swept a stray strand of hair over his shoulder as he stepped into the foyer of his home. His day hadn't been particularly taxing, but at times, the arguing of his two third-seats could ride on even his patience. He greeted one of his servants briefly, accepting the man's offer for a cup of warm tea and slid into his house shoes.

 

All around him was silence. It was often far too lonely in his house, thus the reason he encouraged the Kuchiki heir to continue his stay while the rest of his manor was being reconstructed, and with a quick scan with his reiatsu, he knew that Byakuya was present but not Ichigo. The thirteenth division captain had been happy for their company and even happier to keep their secret, which really wasn't much of a secret at all, at least to him.

 

Jyuushiro padded quietly down the hall, heading towards the common room where he sensed his kouhai to be. He paused in the doorway, opening his mouth to give greetings to the younger man when he noticed a strange look on Byakuya's face. He was turning various shades of red, fury evident, hands shaking as he clutched some sort of document very tightly.

 

Concerned, Jyuushiro stepped into the room. “Byakuya?”

 

As if startled by the sound of his voice, the younger man suddenly rocketed to his feet, the paper falling to the ground with a flutter. His hand twitched at his side, groping for a sword that usually present but wasn't at this time of night.

 

“I left something at the office,” Byakuya stated gruffly, sounding not like his usual self as he swept past Ukitake and stormed from the room.

 

Jyuushiro blinked. “All right.”

 

But the other captain was already gone, a swirling presence fading down the hallway.

 

Confused, the white-haired male checked the room his kouhai had just vacated, stooping down to scoop up the paper. He recognized the familiar title from the report Mayuri had published that very morning. Most of Seireitei had read the document, claiming that for once it was interesting.

 

Brown eyes flickered from the paper to the door and back to the paper again. He tilted his head to the side, recalling certain details.

 

It clicked in his brain.

 

“Ah,” Ukitake said to himself, half-wondering where Byakuya had gotten to and whether he should worry about property damage. “I wonder which he was.”

 

He left the article sitting on the desk in the common room.

 

Meanwhile, in Karakura, Ichigo yawned as he trudged through the front door and up the stairs to his room, giving his sisters only cursory greetings. Luckily, his father was still busy in the clinic, so he wouldn't have to worry about dealing with the man's idiocy. After putting up with Keigo all day, Ichigo wasn't in any mood for loud, outrageous personalities.

 

Raking a hand through already disheveled hair, Ichigo stepped into his bedroom, not even pausing at the sight of Rukia sprawled out on his bed. It was frightening how used to that he was getting. She was reading something, whatever it was completely capturing her attention.

 

“What's that?” the teenager asked, dropping his school bag next to his desk chair. He tugged at his shirt, untucking the ends and feeling marginally better for doing so.

 

“One of Kurotsuchi-taichou's reports,” Rukia answered distractedly with a shrug. She eyed him for all of a second before turning back to the last few lines.

 

Ichigo made a face, all semblance of interest dissipating. Ignoring Rukia's constant presence, he slid into his chair and contemplated the homework waiting patiently for him in his bag. With all the time he had just spent with Byakuya recently, he was falling a bit behind. But oh was it worth it.

 

“You should read it,” Rukia suggested in the tone he was unfortunately beginning to recognize. “It's actually pretty interesting.”

 

He dropped his book to the desktop with a loud thump and snorted in disbelief.

 

No fucking way.

 

Reaching for a pencil, he was interrupted when the packet of papers was suddenly flung down in front of him, scattering his math problems. The title glared at him in big and dark letters. Shooting the bitch a scowl, Ichigo tentatively picked it up and frowned.

 

“He doesn't have anything better to do than watch people do... this?” Ichigo asked, a faint blush staining his cheeks.

 

Rukia rolled her eyes. Ichigo was still a prude. She didn't think the boy would ever change.

 

“Read it,” she urged.

 

The teenager shrugged, flipping open the report and scanning it. He knew that look in her eyes. It said that he'd better, or she would hurt him. Either that or make his day long and annoying by arguing with him until he gave in.

 

Satisfied that Ichigo was following her orders, Rukia picked up one of her magazines and flipped to her favorite page, the “Sexcapades” stories. They were always amusing.

 

The room was filled with a companionable sort of silence until all of a sudden, Ichigo shot to his feet, swearing under his breath.

 

“That damn bastard,” he hissed, blindly groping for his Shinigami badge and suddenly shoving himself out of his body. “I'm gonna kill him.” His body slumped to the floor as he inwardly seethed, leaping for his window.

 

His sex life had been reduced to a bar graph. A bar graph!

 

Someone was going to die.

 

“Ichigo?”

 

But the substitute Shinigami leapt over Rukia as if hadn't heard her and out the window, heading straight for Urahara's shop. He had to get to Soul Society, and he had to get there now!

 

The paper crinkled as he crushed it between his fingers. Rage fought with embarrassment, sadly losing both the battle and the war. He wondered if Aizen would mind Byakuya and him dropping in for oh-say the next thousand years. He liked trees. And sand. And well… darkness. Sort of.

 

Left behind, Rukia blinked in surprise until her eyes widened. “No way,” she breathed, frantically trying to recall the report she had read. “No way! In my room? On my bed? Nii-sama!” she cried in an outrage, leaping for the window herself.

 

On her bed? Her Chappy sheets? How dare he? How dare he?

 

He was the great Lord Kuchiki, and he did technically own the house, but that gave him no right to defile her bed! Her Chappy sheets! They'd never be the same again.

 

In a flash, she was gone. Two squeaks echoed in the room in her absence.

 

“Nee-san?” Kon asked, one paw to his mouth as he poked his head out of the closet. “Ichigo?”

 

The flutter of the window curtain was his only answer.

 

* * *

 

Aizen Sousuke sneezed, rubbing his nose as he continued to study the report in his hand. Nearby, Ichimaru Gin did the same, equally engrossed with what he was reading aloud to Tousen Kaname. The blind man did not seem nearly as amused.

 

“Ne, ne, Aizen-taichou, enjoying yerself?” his second-in-command questioned a moment later as he glanced up, grin wider than usual. “Personally, I didn't think that the stuff on page seven was even possible.”

 

Aizen smirked fondly. “Only if you are very flexible, Gin,” he commented, thinking back to his own experiences and his very nimble bedmate.

 

Ah, memories.

 

Perhaps he could convince Kuchiki-hime and Kurosaki-kun to join him. They would certainly make things interesting.

 

* * *

 

It was pretty quiet for once. No random appearances of Hollows or Arrancar or anything in between. Even the Shinigami visits had been pretty short lately. With Renji back in Seireitei for a mandatory check-in, Urahara was basking in the calm of his home. Though it was amusing to tease the vice-captain, hearing he and Jinta argue for hours on end did get tiring.

 

With that in mind, Urahara Kisuke sat back in his chair and relaxed, contemplating asking Tessai to bring him some tea. He looked down at the paper in his lap, a new delivery from Soul Society. He had asked for copies of all of Mayuri's reports just to keep an eye on his replacement. This one had proved to be very interesting indeed. Especially page seven. That brought back memories.

 

On the edge of his senses, however, he suddenly felt a very familiar tingle. It was a furious, raw reiatsu, very strong if rather young. Kurosaki-kun's reiatsu. And it was heading his direction at an incredibly fast pace. Urahara had the distinct impression that his student was a bit perturbed.

 

His suspicion was confirmed when Ichigo burst into the room, knocking things off the wall with the force of his reiatsu. Urahara tried not to wince when he heard certain delicate objects shatter.

 

“Kurosaki-san, how nice to--”

 

He was cut off abruptly. “No pleasantries,” Ichigo snarled, resembling a tiger in his ferocity. “Send me to Soul Society.”

 

Brown eyes flickered to the document still in Urahara's possession, the title of the report resoundingly obvious. Ichigo visibly clenched his teeth and suddenly snatched the papers from his master's hand, crumpling them into his fist, reiatsu darkening them around the edges much like a fire.

 

“Now,” Ichigo hissed, his eyes sparking. The look on his face was strange, a mix of embarrassment and fury.

 

Lifting his brow, Urahara nodded. “If you insist.” His fan snapped out of nowhere. “I'll get Tessai.”

 

Minutes later, Ichigo was on his way to Soul Society, a crumpled and scorched paper firmly in his grasp. His thoughts in a whirl of intellectual discussion, Urahara calmly pulled out a second copy and thumbed through. It was easy to put two and two together, and through the process of elimination, it was also easy to figure that the other Shinigami had been Kuchiki Byakuya.

 

Snickering to himself at this information, Kisuke knew that it was only proper that he share. So he called Isshin and chuckled under his breath until the former captain arrived, looking worried.

 

Kisuke waved a hand. “Mah, Isshin. Calm down. No one's hurt.”

 

“Tch. Vague bastard,” his companion growled good-naturedly before plopping himself down on the floor across the table and helping himself to some tea. “What's this about then?”

 

He didn't waste a moment, promptly shoving the report in the other male's face. Isshin took it with skepticism, looking over it at one of his oldest friends before finally glancing at the title.

 

“Mating Habits?” he cackled, shooting Urahara an amused look. “Crackpot's not getting any smarter is he?”

 

Kisuke just smiled that damn mysterious smile and hid his face behind his fan. “Read it. I'm sure you'll find the contents enlightening.”

 

The doctor lifted a brow but obediently read, laughing occasionally, until he had finished every last line.

 

“`The world moving…' Ha! Priceless!” He shook his head and handed the paper over. “It's good to see that your successor's as insane as ever. Who're the unlucky bastards?”

 

Kisuke slowly lowered his fan. “Your son and his lover,” he informed flatly.

 

Isshin froze, hands making a slow curl into fists. “You're telling me that Kurotsuchi filmed my son having sex with his boyfriend, Kuchiki Byakuya?” he demanded, his tone implying that truth better be impending or there would be blood.

 

Mildly concerned for his own safety, Kisuke nodded.

 

Isshin growled low in his throat, the urge to kill rising. “I'm going to murder that bastard. Who else knows?”

 

Feeling the need to hide once more, Kisuke laughed nervously. “Oh, no one I'm sure. Just Yoruichi... and I did see Rukia-chan looking a little perturbed.”

 

The angry father smacked himself in the forehead. “Now, everyone's going to know,” he groaned, glancing at the paper once more. “My pity goes with you, son. Try not to kill anyone.”

 

“The same could be said for you,” Kisuke commented wisely. “You and your `virgin daddy's eyes.'”

 

Isshin shuddered in remembrance. “I never want to see my son in that position again. No matter how much he seemed to be enjoying it before I interrupted.”

 

* * *

 

That night, a certain sector of the twelfth division's records was destroyed in a mysterious fire, which somehow managed not to spread.

 

By the next morning, however, everyone in Seireitei had discovered the identity of Mayuri's supposedly anonymous test subjects.

 

* * *

 

It was the talk of the early morning strategy meeting among the captains. Ichigo had been invited to his particular gathering, but he hadn't yet arrived. Neither had Byakuya. This meant that it was the prime time for certain research to be discussed as Seireitei's best kept secret finally emerged to the light with every gritty, and hot, detail.

 

Unohana was the first to break the contemplative aura that had settled over the first division quarters. “How did we not see this coming?” she asked, shaking her head. “Normally, one would have some indication...”

 

“Apparently, Mayuri saw them coming,” Shunsui deadpanned, a snicker slipping out of his lips before he could stop it. “Many, many times.”

 

Across the table, Jyuushiro laughed at the inappropriate comment and was forced to hide it behind a cough. Shunsui was always dragging him down to his level.

 

Mayuri was absolutely indignant, straightening in his chair. “I'll have you know that it was a legitimate scientific study.”

 

“That they didn't volunteer for,” someone muttered.

 

Before Mayuri could locate the perpetrator, Hitsugaya coughed under his breath. “Pervert.”

 

The scientist spluttered, tapping his longer fingernails on the table. “I am not!”

 

“I should've used that line!” Shunsui declared to add to the insanity, in the midst of rereading. “`The world moving when I kissed you.' Hey, Jyuu-chan, you think if I used that line they'd know where it came from?

 

Ukitake rolled his eyes. “They'd know, Shunsui. Give it up.”

 

While his best friend of so many centuries pouted, Komamura thought it necessary to interject in a stiff tone, “This is not an appropriate discussion. I do not think Kuchiki-taichou would appreciate it.”

 

Shunsui waved him off. “It will be fine. Byakuya-kun's used to gossip.”

 

“I always thought there was somethin' fruity `bout the pretty boy,” Zaraki grunted, wanting to get his dig in since he was mildly pissed about being forced to be awake for this meeting. “Ichigo's a surprise though.”

 

“Obviously, you don't know Kurosaki very well,” Hitsugaya muttered to himself. “Matsumoto was undressing, and he covered his eyes. Obviously, all was not straight in the land of his hakama.”

 

Shunsui looked horrified at the prospect. “Why would he do such a thing?” he asked, unable to comprehend.

 

“I should think the answer to that is pretty obvious,” Soifon inserted dryly, gesturing to the “scientific” report in his hands.

 

“I think it's sweet,” Unohana Retsu commented in a wistful tone. “Romantic, very sweet,” she added, “and very hot.”

 

At her words, several male eyes turned towards her in confusion. And Soifon as well.

 

Unohana smiled serenely.

 

It was in that moment that Byakuya finally made an appearance, a foreboding presence as he swept into the first division chambers. Everyone went silent as he strode into the room, scarf fluttering behind him. His eyes swept the table, landing on Mayuri, and he affixed the scientist with a glare of death, even as he took his seat between Komamura and an empty chair, Aizen's usual place.

 

Awkward was the only way to describe the aura in the room.

 

Always the first to break the tension, Shunsui shot the surly man a thumbs up. “Ne, Byakuya-kun, you should be proud! Your stamina and flexibility is astounding! Not to mention your level of horniness!” he chirped with a lazy grin. “Perhaps we could even see a live demonstration of page seven.”

 

“Shunsui!” Jyuushiro hissed, feeling the urge to poke his friend but unable to do so from the distance separating them.

 

Hitsugaya snickered into his palm. Zaraki gave a predatory grin.

 

Byakuya's eyes widened, the only outwards sign of his aggravation. His glare shifted from Mayuri to Shunsui, giving the scientist a brief reprieve.

 

“I would think--”

 

Slam!

 

The doors had flown open with all the force of an explosion, a sharp crack echoing through the air. All eyes turned towards them, finding Ichigo standing there with rage etched into his features. The force of his reiatsu, something he could never keep contained, swept into the room, waving the banners on the walls. And most of them idly wondered how they had missed his approach.

 

For the first time, a brief show of fear appeared on Kurotsuchi Mayuri's face.

 

Yamamoto cleared his throat noisily. “Calm down, Kurosaki-san,” he intoned in his gravelly voice. “This is official business. We can deal with personal matters later.”

 

The substitute Shinigami's eye twitched, and he nodded his head jerkily, moving to take the empty seat next to Byakuya. But before he made it, Shunsui grabbed his arm and plunked him down in the space between Hitsugaya and him.

 

“I still don't see what the issue is,” Mayuri huffed as Ichigo settled moodily into his seat. “No one has addressed the fact that part of my division was destroyed last night.”

 

He knew who had done it, but without proof or an investigation, there was no use in placing the blame.

 

Byakuya pursed his lips. “Perhaps you should have invested in a fire suppression system,” the aristocrat suggested through clenched teeth. “Instead of spending all of your funds on voyeuristic pursuits.” His tone was icy, not even dignifying it as research.

 

Sniffing disdainfully, Mayuri waved a pale hand. “My research was approved by Yamamoto-soutaichou. There is nothing you can do about it.”

 

This was news to everyone. Most had believed he had gone off the radar to conduct his experiment. It wouldn't have been the first time.

 

Shunsui blinked. “Yama-jii?”

 

“Yamamoto-soutaichou,” Komamura began grimly as shocked as his voice would allow. “You approved this nonsense?”

 

“Filth!” Soifon corrected, a look of disgust on her face, though it was hard to tell from normal. “It is utter filth.”

 

Byakuya wavered, uncertain if he should be offended by Soifon's comment or applaud her reaction to Mayuri's research. He settled for vague apathy.

 

All attentions were directed towards the aged captain-commander, desiring a swift answer. Yamamoto was embarrassed at being called out, shifting in his chair. He didn't have a suitable answer for them.

 

“Pfft,” Zaraki sniggered. “Ya signed it without reading it, didn't ya?”

 

“But no one reads what that crackpot writes,” someone pointed out under her breath, though it was becoming increasingly difficult to tell who.

 

Mayuri bristled at the offense. “I am an established, authorized scientist!” he argued. “And since all of my research was destroyed, including the copies hidden in my personal safe, I will simply have to repeat my investigation.”

 

At this revelation, Ichigo jerked in his seat. Both Shunsui and Hitsugaya grabbed him, interpreting the movement as a possible lunge across the table. The teenager scowled at both of them but was saved from needing to speak when the temperature on the other side of Mayuri dropped considerably.

 

“You will do no such thing,” Ukitake Jyuushiro inserted in a commanding voice, offended on behalf of his kouhai and the young Shinigami he had come to admire. “You've invaded their privacy enough.”

 

“It's perfectly within my rights. The Kurosaki boy is only a substitute,” Mayuri countered in a lofty but high-pitched tone. “And a human at that. I can do whatever I want.”

 

Feeling Ichigo's muscles jump beneath their touch, both captains sought to tighten their hold as Mayuri continued, gesturing with one hand. To the substitute Shinigami, Hueco Mundo was sounding better and better with every passing second. Besides, Aizen didn't hold a candle to this freakshow.

 

“Kuchiki-taichou is under no obligation to participate. On the other hand, that boy has no choice in the matter. I will merely select another bedfellow for him. I will have my data.”

 

Ukitake's lips thinned in disgust, using every ounce of his self-control to refrain from harming the deranged scientist. The others were left in a stunned sort of silence, eyes ping-ponging between the exchange. Yamamoto seemed perfectly content to let Mayuri continue to dig his own grave, making no moves to cease the argument.

 

Across the table, Byakuya could not remain silent any longer. “You will not touch him,” he declared in a voice frosty enough to put out Yamamoto's Ryuujin Jakka, enunciating every word as if making a promise for pain.

 

“Of course, I won't,” Mayuri said with a hint of distaste. “I am sure that I could, however, find plenty of volunteers. Your vice-captain perhaps. Or several members of my own division. I'm sure they won't damage him too much, and he will be returned relatively intact.”

 

Byakuya's hand twitched as he rose to his feet.

 

The scientist panicked, thinking that the man was reaching for his zanpakutou. His eyes widened, and he hurriedly threw a kidoh spell, wanting to get in the first move, coward that he was. It whizzed by the Kuchiki heir's shoulder, blowing a huge hole in the back wall.

 

Byakuya's face showed only a fraction of his surprise. And gasps were heard all around.

 

Agitated, Mayuri threw another fire spell, attempting to move from his chair and get away. Strangely enough, however, he found his seat being shoved impossibly forward, trapping him at the table.

 

“You should stay seated, Kurotsuchi-taichou,” Jyuushiro stated fiercely, revealing himself to be the perpetrator. “I'd hate for you to get in more trouble than you have already acquired. An unprovoked attack on another captain in front of witnesses--”

 

“Including Yama-jii!” Shunsui felt inclined to chime in, still holding onto Ichigo though it seemed it was no longer necessary.

 

The substitute Shinigami was too stupefied to speak, even though the urge to make dust out of Mayuri was flooding through his veins.

 

“--is an offense punishable by execution during times of war,” Jyuushiro continued, throwing Shunsui a brief look. “Especially in the light of recent events. It is in your best interest to remain silent.”

 

Mayuri squeaked, struggling to draw a breath as he was squished between the table and his chair. “I've done nothing wrong!”

 

“That's enough!” Yamamoto declared, his voice booming through the chambers as he stood. “We all agree that is quite enough of this matter.” He narrowed his aged gaze on Mayuri, fire burning in their depths. “You will leave Kurosaki-san alone, Kurotsuchi-taichou, or I cannot be responsible for your continued health and wellbeing. And in exchange, I'm sure Kuchiki-taichou and his... associate will be willing to overlook past transgressions.” He turned to Byakuya. “Agreed?”

 

The Kuchiki heir inclined his head. “Your wisdom knows best, Yamamoto-soutaichou.”

 

“Very well,” the old man said seriously. “Remember, Kurotsuchi-taichou, while Kuchiki-taichou and Kurosaki-san may forgive your transgressions, that does not mean that their friends and families are under the same obligation. I would be careful in how I address them in the future, if I were you. And I would even suggest avoiding them altogether.”

 

The scientist could feel his tail between his legs as he slumped in his seat. “But what about the damage to my division?” he protested in a small voice, distinctly remembering the feel of a Quincy's arrow going through his body.

 

Yamamoto was not amused.

 

Zaraki snorted and sat back in his chair. “Probably your own damn fault anyways with all the freak ass shit you do over there.” He gave another wolfish grin. This had been the best damn strategy meeting ever.

 

On the verge of bristling again, Mayuri's reply was quickly cut off by Yamamoto rapping his cane sharply against the floor. “We will discuss your current experiments after the meeting, Kurotsuchi-taichou. In light of the events, I am curious as to what else you may be conducting.”

 

If it weren't for the disastrous make up, everyone would have seen Mayuri pale. Byakuya, however, returned to his seat with a hint of smug pride on his face. Ichigo was finally released from the hands restraining him.

 

“Now, if everyone doesn't mind, I would like you to take your seats so we can begin the meeting.”

 

There were no arguments.

 

* * *

 

“It's not fair,” Ichigo grumbled sometime later as he and Byakuya walked together through the side streets. “Why did you get to destroy the building and not save any for me?”

 

A slim hand reached for his, entangling their fingers and squeezing briefly. “You could always work off your frustrations in a different manner,” Byakuya suggested, a lascivious gleam in his eye.

 

“Your office?” Ichigo suggested, his own eyes taking on the same sparkle. Though he couldn't help looking over his shoulder, wondering if they were being watched by some far away voyeur.

 

Byakuya hummed in his throat. “Perhaps.” He considered their options, knowing that his still-under-construction home was not suitable, and people were going to be suspicious of that closet now that the truth was out.

 

He was still in the process of considering when he noticed several Shinigami heading in their direction, strangely led by his vice-captain.

 

“Can I help you?” he asked Renji, lifting a brow.

 

The redhead had the grace to look embarrassed. “Sorry, taichou. They wouldn't stop asking and--”

 

Before he could even finish, a woman next to him, one Byakuya didn't recognize, elbowed him painfully in the side, causing him to gasp and stagger. She pushed her way to the front of the pack, her starry-eyes seeming to center on Ichigo.

 

“Depending on if you're subject A or B, we have some questions for you about page seven,” she said in a hurry before shoving a small book she'd had clutched to her chest in his direction. “And would you please sign this for me?”

 

Ichigo turned bright red, his eyes flickering around for an escape. “I... uh...”

 

The woman just gave a girly sigh and pressed closer. Byakuya practically growled in response. Ichigo simply wondered what the weather was like this time of year in Las Noches.

 

“Nii-sama!!”

 

The two lovers turned to find Rukia storming their direction, looking out of breath and furious. “I can't believe you either, Ichigo!” she continued, her face a thunderous fury. “On my bed?!?”

 

Byakuya was beginning to consider moving to Hueco Mundo. Surely, Aizen Sousuke couldn't be as bad as this.

 

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