Bleach Fan Fiction ❯ Seireitei Monogatari ❯ Biological Clock ( Chapter 79 )

Title: Biological Clock

Characters: Ukitake Jyuushiro, Shunsui, mentions of others

Rating: T

Warning:

Words: 1,371

Description: Sequel to Family Guy and Rules of Behavior. It was all Kenpachi's fault. He had to go and get a brat and get Jyuushiro's clock a' tickin'.

 

 

“I need a wife.”

 

Now, Kyouraku Shunsui was normally a reasonable man. Being half-soused most of the time might have had something to do with it. There were very few things that threw him for a loop. Yet, this statement out of completely nowhere had somehow managed to utterly flabbergast him.

 

Amazing.

 

Shunsui blinked. “Jyuu-chan? I'm confused.” He tilted his head to the side. “A wife?”

 

This came from Jyuushiro, who was eternally concerned about getting married and burdening some kind soul with his illness. He could only vaguely remember Jyuushiro dating a handful of people during the entire time they'd known each other, and those relationships had been short and largely unsatisfying. For both parties.

 

Honestly, Shunsui had always thought his best buddy was either very sexually repressed or had personal time every night. There was simply no other way he didn't explode from need. Therefore, this request baffled him.

 

“Yes, I need one,” Jyuushiro confirmed, determination alit in his dark eyes.

 

In the back of his mind, Shunsui faintly heard this strange ticking sound, but he couldn't figure out what it was. Maybe his dear buddy had bought a new clock from the living world.

 

Tick-tock. Tick-tock.

 

It was only slightly annoying. Shunsui ignored it.

 

He propped his chin on his hand. “Whatever for?”

 

Jyuushiro shot him one of those trademark looks that he had come to identify over the years of knowing him. “What do you think?”

 

Shunsui shrugged. “Just checking, Jyuu-chan.”

 

“Shunsui, don't make this unnecessarily difficult.” Jyuushiro sighed, beginning to drum his fingers on his desk. “I need a wife. And you're going to help me.”

 

“In case you haven't noticed, Jyuu-chan. I have the wrong plumbing,” he responded with a slow, sliding smirk.

 

It was always so fine to rile his best buddy, Jyuushiro could be so uptight sometimes. He hadn't yet learned the true value of a good bottle of sake. And a willing beauty.

 

Dark eyes rolled. “I said you're going to help me,” Jyuushiro countered, sounding annoyed. “Not be my wife.”

 

Shunsui pushed his hat up with one finger. Somewhere, he heard that noise again.

 

Tick-tock. Tickety-tick-tock.

 

“Okay... do you have a preference?”

 

He shook his head. “No. That's the problem. It'd be easier if I did. Then, we wouldn't be having this discussion.”

 

For a moment, Shunsui had a rather absurd image in his mind, despite the fact that it was out of his buddy's character. He could clearly picture Jyuushiro striding up to some beautiful, wandering woman and state in his firm, no-nonsense voice, “You're going to marry me.”

 

There would clearly be no choice in the manner for the poor girl.

 

Shaking his head to dispel that disturbing thought, Shunsui regarded his friend. “You're going to have to tell me why, Jyuu-chan. Otherwise, I can't help you out.”

 

Pursing his lips, Jyuushiro finally conceded to that much. “Fine. I need a wife because I want a baby.”

 

He hadn't said he wanted to adopt. Or that he was tired of being alone. No, his Jyuu-chan wanted a brat, wanted a little kid running around calling him daddy. Shunsui knew he should have seen this one coming, especially considering the covetous looks he had caught his best friend giving Kenpachi's newest addition.

 

Before Shunsui could even respond, his Jyuu-chan was already continuing, his firmness melting into a starry-eyed hopefulness. “Can't you imagine it, Shun? A little boy or girl who looks just like me? Calling you oji-san?”

 

Then, he sighed.

 

It was the kind of sigh that Shunsui had heard women give him when they saw couples pass by with their own children. The kind of sigh that someone gave when they were window shopping and found something they couldn't afford. Filled with so much wistful longing and hope.

 

Tick-tock. Tick-tock. Tick-tick-tock.

 

What the hell was that damn noise?

 

Shunsui realized that there was no talking his best friend out of this one. Well, since Jyuushiro was so determined, then the best he could do was be determined, too. He sat up straight, putting his full effort into thought.

 

Then, it hit him. The fact that he had already reminded himself of earlier.

 

“Do you even know what to do?” he asked, thinking back to the whole sexual repression point.

 

Jyuushiro glared, not the least bit amused. “Yes,” he responded testily.

 

He paused, not quite convinced. “Are you even cap--”

 

“You do not want to finish that sentence,” his best buddy said shortly and quite coldly, the scent of an oncoming storm filling the air.

 

Shunsui nodded. “Okayyyy.”

 

Jyuushiro was definitely testy about that subject, best to leave it alone.

 

“So... a wife?”

 

“A wife,” Jyuushiro confirmed.

 

Sitting back, Shunsui began to ponder. Women were his specialty, after all. Right after sake. And Jyuu-chan.

 

She would have to be a pretty high seat so that there wouldn't be too much difference in their power levels. Jyuu-chan wouldn't want to outlive his wife. He'd seen enough loss in his lifetime.

 

And of course, to be suitable for his Jyuu-chan, she would have to be lovely. And kind.

 

That pretty much threw out Soifon.

 

Retsu-chan was both, but there was the whole doctor-patient thing. He didn't imagine either of them would be very comfortable in a relationship.

 

Orihime-chan was a bit too... umm, yeah. Go for it, Renji-kun. Shunsui silently cheered the rather brave, young redhead on.

 

Yoru-chan didn't want kids. She had made that pretty clear. No babies for her.

 

Tick-tock. Tickety-tock.

 

That damn ticking was getting distracting. Shunsui made a mental note to strangle the clock as soon as he found it.

 

Hinamori-chan was still in the nut house. She never did get over Aizen's betrayal and defeat, poor girl. And she was so lovely. Except for the whole insane bit, she would have been perfect for his Jyuu-chan.

 

Matsu-chan... Shunsui didn't want to lose his drinking buddy. He was allowed to be a bit selfish. Besides, to be perfectly honest, she was too slutty for his cute and innocent Jyuu-chan.

 

Nemu-chan, while very pretty, was a Kurotsuchi. The last thing Soul Society needed was more Kurotsuchi genes being spread around. A definite no.

 

Isane-chan was married to Shuu-kun. And for such a nice guy, he was awful selfish concerning his wife. He never wanted to share.

 

Yachiru-chan was far too young, and Shunsui was very disturbed that her name had even crossed his mind. Perhaps he was getting sober. He would have to rectify that.

 

Rukia-chan would have been perfect, but that would be over her brother's dead body. Which could be arranged, but then, they would be short a captain. Shunsui didn't think Yama-jii would approve.

 

And while Ichigo-kun would have been a perfect match for his Jyuu-chan, there remained the small fact that he was a man. And well, was married to Izuru-kun.

 

Tick-tock. Tick-tick-tock.

 

All that remained was his cute Nanao-chan.

 

Who liked books. And worked hard. And berated him when he did wrong with a gentle rap upside the head. She was cute, and she was smart. And she scrunched up her nose when she drank tea that she really liked. And he loved how she would push up her glasses with a finger and give him that look. The same look that Jyuushiro liked to give him.

 

The realization hit him like an Espada attack, addling his brains.

 

Nanao was Jyuu-chan. Jyuushiro was Nanao-chan. They were the same damn person.

 

How had he not realized it before?

 

They were perfect for each other in every way. And they would make such pretty babies.

 

But Nanao-chan was his Nanao-chan.

 

Awwww. He would hate to lose his cute Nanao-chan. But Shunsui supposed for his best buddy, he could take one for the team. What were friends for, after all? And it wasn't like he couldn't get another woman. Plus, he knew he could count on his lovely lieutenant to take care of his most important person.

 

“Shunsui?”

 

He snapped out of his thoughts, realizing that Jyuushiro was giving him a concerned look. He had been considering for quite a while.

 

Shunsui sat up straighter. “So... what do you think of Nanao-chan?”

 

Jyuushiro absorbed his suggestion, pondering it for a moment. Then, he smiled.

 

Deviously.

 

Tick-tock.

 

*****