Bleach Fan Fiction ❯ Seireitei Monogatari ❯ Rukia's Dating Service - Iba ( Chapter 86 )

Title: Rukia's Dating Service - Iba

Characters: Ichigo, Rukia, Iba Tetsuzaemon

Rating: T

Warning: Crackish
Words: 1368

Description: The worst date ever. Seriously.

 

 

“Tilt your head back!”

 

“It is tilted back!” Ichigo snarled and then promptly groaned as more blood streaked from his nostrils.

 

Above him and with a towel in one hand, Rukia shook her head as she pinched his nose, trying to slow the bleeding. “I can't believe this happened,” she muttered, more to herself than to him. “Thank kami I sent that note to Aizen.”

 

“Wha? Ai'en?” His words sounded slurred thanks to the cloth over his nose. But Rukia didn't answer, instead popping him over the head with the palm of her hand.

 

“Be still, idiot, so I can get the bleeding stopped.”

 

Glaring, Ichigo did as she was told. “S'your fault!” he reminded her.

 

“You're dripping all over the floor,” she countered, and then, the healing tingle of reiatsu and kidoh washed over him. “Yuzu's gonna be pissed. Or at least her version of it. I still don't know how that happened; it hasn't rained since that downpour this morning.”

 

“S'your fault,” Ichigo repeated. He seemed stuck on that fact.

 

“And where is your shoe?” Rukia demanded, completely ignoring his accusations. “I've seen you in a better state after fighting captains of the Gotei 13!”

 

Ichigo ignored her, patiently waiting for the bleeding of his nose to subside. They must have looked silly, him on his back on the floor, Rukia straddling him and pressing a cloth to his nose. He was soaking the tile beneath him with his wet clothes as Rukia fussed at him. And it was all her fault.

 

Entirely.

 

The date with Iba hadn't even been his idea to begin with; it had been hers. She had tricked him into it as usual so that he and the seventh division vice-captain were set up to see a concert. Her excuse was pathetic. Iba had apologized, saying that no one else wanted to go with him, but then, Rukia had told him that Ichigo liked the band.

 

Ichigo had the strong suspicions that Iba wasn't even gay. Not that that particular little fact ever really mattered to Rukia. After all, nor was Kenpachi, Toushirou, Yumichika, or Ikkaku. Renji had been pining after his captain, if he squinted. And Ukitake-san... well, that had had the potential for working out if it weren't for outside interference. Ichigo's rate of success was pretty much zero.

 

In any case, Tetsuzaemon had shown up on time, and Ichigo had gone with him. That was when things began to go horribly and terribly wrong.

 

At the concert hall, they had realized that somewhere along the way, Tetsuzaemon had lost the tickets. The concert had been sold out, and there had been no possible method of getting inside.

 

Plans ruined, the two had decided they might as well spend Rukia's money and go see a movie. Ichigo suspected that Tetsuzaemon had been coerced into the date as much as he had.

 

On the way to the theater, the car had broken down. They had been forced to walk the rest of the way, which was luckily only a few blocks. A part of Ichigo had wondered when Tetsuzaemon had gotten his driver's license... and the car for that matter.

 

Unluckily, by the time they arrived at the theater, the movie they had wanted to see had already begun, more than thirty minutes prior. Neither had wanted to watch it from the middle, and it had been the last showing of the evening. The only thing left for them to see had been some child's movie about stuffed teddy bears who emitted powerful and colorful energy from their bellies.

 

Needless to say, neither Ichigo nor Tetsuzaemon had been particularly interested.

 

They had decided on dinner.

 

Stepping to the edge of the sidewalk, Ichigo had proceeded to hail for a cab, since the car was still broken some ten blocks away.

 

To add to an already perfect evening, none had passed. But another car had, swerving close to the sidewalk. Its tires had streamed through a thick puddle of rainwater, left over from an early storm, promptly spraying both men in a heavy sheen of water. Ichigo had been left spitting out muddy water as Iba shook it from his thick sunglasses. Which he still wore. Even though it was night.

 

Cursing in tandem, they had decided to head into the city, hoping to find a bar. Well, Iba had wanted to find a bar. Ichigo just had wanted to find a place where he could sit and rethink his life, including the moment he had met a Shinigami by the name of Kuchiki Rukia.

 

Tetsuzaemon had claimed he knew where he was going because Renji had given him directions.

 

They had been lost in ten minutes. So lost that not even Ichigo had been sure where they were and couldn't begin to guide them home. Or somewhere close to it.

 

Irritated, wet, and tired Ichigo had finally drawn to a halt beneath a streetlight at the top of a hill. Nearby, had been a vaguely familiar river moving in a channel.

 

Ichigo had leaned against the light, trying to wring water from his ruined shirt. Tetsuzaemon had stepped in front of him, his brow furrowed in thought. The substitute Shinigami had had no clue what the man was thinking.

 

Somewhere in the distance, Ichigo could have sworn that he heard soft, instrumental music beginning to play. Had it been any other situation, it would have been romantic. But he had been in no mood for romance. Apparently, however, that had not been the case for Tetsuzaemon.

 

Ichigo was pretty sure he could blame that on Rukia, too.

 

Tetsuzaemon had leaned in. Ichigo had taken a step back, away from the light. The vice-captain's feet had somehow found a banana peel, from where even Ichigo didn't know. Tetsuzaemon had slipped, head-butting Ichigo in the face and promptly smashing his nose.

 

It had been like a domino effect.

 

They had fallen down the hill in a tangled heap, picking up mud and grass on their tumble down. The two men had ended up in a pile at the bottom, luckily not falling all the way into the river. The only positive about the whole thing had been that Iba lost his glasses. Finally.

 

His eyes were brown, by the way.

 

Thoroughly disgusted with the entire debacle, Ichigo had hauled himself to his feet. He had grasped Iba by the back of his “stylish” leather jacket and had dragged him all the way back to Urahara's shop. Ironically, it had been only a couple of blocks away.

 

Sensing their reiatsu, the door had already been opening by the time they had arrived. Urahara had swung it open, a smile on his face and jokes on his lips... which had quickly died when he took in Ichigo's appearance.

 

Thrusting Tetsuzaemon towards the shopkeeper and narrowly avoiding an aerial attack from a half-dressed Isshin who had appeared out of nowhere, Ichigo had turned and stalked towards his home. Blood had dripped from his injured nose.

 

And that was how Rukia had found him when he had arrived home.

 

Like Ichigo said. All her fault.

 

- - -

 

Aizen Sousuke, lord and master of Hueco Mundo, was bored.

 

All of his plans were going as he had instructed. Soul Society had not attacked recently nor did he have any plans to do so himself.

 

Gin was off terrorizing some of the lower Arrancar, and Kaname was muttering about justice in some far corner, brainwashing Wonderwice's mind with his concept of truth and happiness. Aizen had forced Ulquiorra to do some research, unable to deal with the Espada's fawning any longer.

 

In short, he had nothing to do and plenty of time to do it in.

 

But then, a small insect flittered into his vision. Aizen furrowed his brow, wondering what a Hell Butterfly would be doing in Las Noches.

 

It fluttered in front of his face, hovering expectantly.

 

Aizen lifted a hand, holding a finger out for the butterfly to perch on. With a bob of its antennae, the insect landed. Seconds later, the message it contained began to relay to him.

 

He cocked his head to the side, a smirk painting his lips with interest. “Date?”

 

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