Bleach Fan Fiction ❯ Seireitei Monogatari ❯ Rukia's Dating Service - Byakuya ( Chapter 101 )

Title: Rukia's Dating Service - Byakuya

Characters: Ichigo, Byakuya

Rating: T

Warning: Crack. Language.

Words: 1327
Description: Byakuya could be a bastard, but Ichigo understood the pain of being forced into a date one wanted nothing to do with.

 

 

Ichigo looked at the array of dishes and silverware perfectly arranged in front of him and felt the urge to kill something. Anything really. When it got to the point that he had to decide between this fork and that fork to eat a salad the size of a quarter, things were beyond ridiculous. He longed for the rationality of battle, even as a part of him wondered why someone as traditional as the Kuchiki family would even have silverware.

 

Across from him, Byakuya was eating with perfect and poised manners, having no difficulty whatsoever in choosing his utensil. His fork didn't even clink as it touched the elegant plates, the edges likely gilded from something as extravagant as gold. He didn't even appear to notice the servant hovering anxiously in the background. Ichigo couldn't eat with those nervous eyes constantly watching him.

 

Rukia was surely somewhere laughing her ass off at him. And Ichigo vowed a swift and painful revenge. Why he let her goad him into these stupid dates was beyond him. But a part of him was beginning to wonder if there was even anyone worth dating out there in the Shinigami world.

 

Sighing to himself, Ichigo again glanced at the ridiculous portion of food on his plate and then turned his attention to Byakuya. “So how did she convince you?” he asked in a try for conversation.

 

The sound of his voice echoed hollowly in the vast emptiness of Byakuya's noble dining room, where he probably could have heard a pin drop on the completely dust and mark-free floor. Grey eyes remained locked in a perfectly neutral position as Byakuya brought fork to mouth, ignoring the question.

 

The urge to hurt something reared its ugly head once more. Ichigo gave up on trying to figure which fork he needed and grabbed his drink, condensation fogging the sides. After drinking deeply of the water, which earned a scowl of disapproval from the great Kuchiki-taichou-sama, Ichigo shrugged.

 

“Fine,” he stated, voice echoing in a creepy way again. “We're done here.” He shifted to get up from the table, muscles tensed to rise.

 

“Wait.”

 

He paused and flicked his eyes to Byakuya. The elder Shinigami looked vaguely pained as he worked his jaw. The words were forced slowly and carefully from his lips.

 

“The dinner must last a full hour,” he said as though each word pained him.

 

Ichigo blinked and collapsed back into his seat. “What?”

 

Firming his lips, Byakuya straightened. “The dinner must last a full hour,” he repeated more slowly than before and then added, “and I must kiss you.”

 

His jaw dropping from sheer disbelief, Ichigo stared. “What the hell?”

 

With a small frown at the expletive, Byakuya explained, “It was the condition.”

 

And he said nothing more. Though Ichigo could clearly see his fingers clench around his silverware, the only indication of his annoyance. That and the tightening of the skin near his eyes. One couldn't tell at first glance, but Byakuya was very clearly pissed the fuck off.

 

Ichigo winced. “Tell you what. Let's not and say we did.”

 

Attractive man or not, Ichigo wasn't about to invite frostbite by attempting to kiss the Kuchiki glacier. Besides, he was pretty damn certain that Byakuya wasn't in the least bit gay or interested.

 

He watched as Byakuya considered this for several long moments, fingers clenching and unclenching around his fork. “She will know,” he finally stated, and it was in a conspiratorial tone, very close to wary.

 

Ichigo blinked again. Stared. And then abruptly burst out laughing. He couldn't help himself. He paused, just for effect, to glance at Byakuya once more. Kuchiki-hime was still entirely bland-faced, and Ichigo started laughing again.

 

“Can you hear yourself?” he questioned. “You act like Rukia's a ninja or something. That she's going to come bursting out of the shadows to point fingers.”

 

Byakuya's eyebrow twitched visibly, and Ichigo noticed that his fork was now bent into an arc. He clearly didn't appreciate being laughed at… or the situation he was currently trapped within.

 

Gaining control of himself, Ichigo returned Byakuya's arctic gaze. “What is she holding over your head?”

 

Taking a breath, he forced himself to set the fork down. “It is none of your business.”

 

It was said in a very cold, forbidding tone. But Ichigo could have sworn that Byakuya's eyes were crying to be saved.

 

“Help me,” they said. Begged. Pleaded. “Help me!”

 

And well, Byakuya could be a bastard, but Ichigo understood the pain of being forced into a date one wanted nothing to do with. So casting the captain a disbelieving look, Ichigo pushed away from the far-too-elegant salad in front of him and met the Kuchiki noble stare for cold-Byakuya-glare.

 

“How did she bribe you?” he repeated and enunciated each word as though Byakuya had suddenly grown a little dull.

 

A muscle jumped in the Kuchiki heir's jaw. Silence reigned at the table before he sucked in a slow, forced breath.

 

“She has come across some information that would result in my mortification were it to be made public.”

 

Ichigo lifted a brow. It was plainly obvious by the blush Byakuya was forcefully trying to obliterate that the information was of a romantic nature. Most likely an unrequited crush. It took every effort not to smirk.

 

“Who was it?” he inquired, infinitely curious.

 

When Byakuya didn't immediately answer, nearly bristling at simply being asked to reveal his secret, Ichigo assured him.

 

“Who would I tell anyway?” He waved a hand in a vague direction. “Besides, I want to get out of this as much as you.”

 

The Kuchiki noble considered this for several long moments. And then, glancing furtively around and dismissing his servant with a clipped command, he realized they were alone. Lowering his voice, he looked everywhere but at Ichigo.

 

“Unohana Retsu.”

 

The teenager absorbed the name and then searched his sieve-like memory for a face to go with the name. It came slowly, but eventually he remembered. Braid-lady. The nice woman from the fourth division. He thought about the two of them together. It could work, he supposed. Byakuya was practically crying “Heal me!” behind that blank and icy facade.

 

Nodding to himself, Ichigo picked up a random fork and poked listlessly at his wilting salad. “I'll think of something,” he finally said, popping the crunchy greens into his mouth and wishing for one of Yuzu's bento.

 

Grey eyes narrowed. “You will speak of this to no one,” Byakuya warned him, the room filling with the scent of cherry blossoms as a subtle threat.

 

Lips still wrapped around the fork, Ichigo raised a brow at the other Shinigami. He could distinctly remember defeating Byakuya not too long ago, though Kuchiki-hime still called it a draw. Whatever. As strong as he was now, Ichigo pretty much figured he could take Byakuya down without any uncertainties in the outcome.

 

Still, the object of the evening wasn't to draw the captain into another bloody and long battle. So he shrugged off the statement and finished off the bite he had taken. Byakuya couldn't help being a prissy bastard he supposed.

 

“Wasn't planning on it,” he responded and looked hopefully around for the return of the servant. He really wanted something other than the pinch of greenery on his plate.

 

Byakuya stared at him for another long minute more and then finally returned to eating his own dinner with a much-mangled fork in hand. The silence between them was one of shared understanding and acceptance.

 

“But I'm still not going to kiss you,” Ichigo added.

 

Byakuya glanced at him blankly for a moment before turning back to his food, relaxing with relief.

 

And that was that.

 

- - - - -

 

AN: Mah, it died at the end.